samandjack.net

Story Notes: Author's notes This is set during season seven, after Daniel's descended, and for this fic, he's having trouble dealing with it. And yes, I realised after I wrote this that's Sam's other man bears a startling physical resemblance to Harry Potter..so I'm obsessed.


MONDAY

"So, a week's leave, Carter." Jack asked, following Sam, unusually, dressed in civvies, down the corridor. "Are you actually leaving the base this time?"

She smiled, and nodded.

"Whatcha going to do?"

"Paint my house. The whole thing."

"Carter, have you ever heard of the concept of resting? Of doing nothing while you're on leave? Lying in? Chilling out?"

She laughed.

"What about you, Sir, what are you doing?"

"Staying here with Daniel. He's having a rough time." He said seriously, and Sam nodded. Daniel not only couldn't remember a thing about his ascension, he was still groggy and confused, sometimes unsure where he was, or when he was.

"So I'll be on the base all week if you need me." Jack said, half-hopefully.

"I'll remember." She said, pushing the button for the elevator.

"Seriously, Carter," Jack said, in a low voice. "You look exhausted. It's a been rough few weeks. Try to rest, ok?"

"Yes Sir." She said, touched by his tenderness. She got into the elevator as he shouted out "You're supposed to ask me to go fishing right about now!" but the doors closed before she could answer.

***********************

She was alone in the elevator, and sighing, and still laughing about Jack's last remark, she leaned back against the wall, and closed her eyes. Jack was right. She was exhausted. As one of English colleagues put it, completely bloody knackered. She been emotionally tired out by Daniel's return, and everything connected to that, and what with the problems with the Asgard, and Tok'ra..she'd barely had time to breathe lately, let alone rest. In fact, the whole seven years had drained her, and she realised, with a shock, that this was the first leave she'd ever taken when she'd actually left. She was just so damn tired, and she was looking forward to a week, just one week, where she didn't have to do anything but make sure the colours in her den didn't clash. One week where she didn't have to save the world, solve the insolvable, be the tough, deadly soldier.

One week where she didn't have to think about the way Jack looked at her.

**********************

TUESDAY

Sam looked with bewilderment at the array of colours in front of her. Last time she'd been shopping for paint, she'd been six, and her dad was repainting her room. She'd had a choice of six colours (she'd avoided Barbie pink, choosing a cool blue instead.). Now there were hundreds. How could she choose? She had no idea of paint colours, spending most of her life surrounding my military grey and green. What colour was 'magnolia' anyway? Wasn't it just plain white? She seriously considered giving home, going home, and doing as the Colonel suggested..doing nothing all week.

But Sam Carter wasn't a quitter. She reached gingerly for a tin of 'Summer Heather.'. What was the difference between that and 'Scottish Heather?'. She looked around, saw no-one was looking, and prised up the lid with her car key.

"I don't think you're supposed to do that." A voice said from behind her. She jumped, and some of the paint leapt out of the tin, and splashed all over the stranger in front of her.

"Oh crap." She said, looking up at the purple (couldn't it just say purple on the tin?) splashed man in front of her.

"I am so sorry." She said.

"Don't worry, I think the purple quite goes with the yellow shirt." He said. She smiled, put the tin down, and thought about wiping the paint off..but then she'd get covered with paint, and it would get everywhere.

"You have to send me the dry-cleaning bill." She insisted.

"Don't worry about it." He said. "I'll buy you dinner, to make up for it."

"Shouldn't I buy you dinner, instead?" she asked confused.

"Yes, but I'm an old fashioned man, and I like to buy dinner on the first date." He said.

"Date?" Sam looked up..really looked at him this time. He had a kind, gentle face, not handsome, but vulnerable, and quiet. He had green eyes, really green, like you rarely see, and his hair was black, flopping over his eyes.

"I've screwed up, haven't I?" he said anxiously. "I thought it was going so smooth. Sorry, you're the first woman I've asked out since my wife divorced me, and I just knew I'd screw it up."

"No..no you haven't. How can you screw up, I split paint all over you."

"Yeah, but my ex-wife bought this shirt..now I can throw it out. Sorry to seem pushy, but about dinner.?"

"It seems to be the least I can do." She said, smiling, quite unaware that the stranger's heart suddenly turned flip-flops as she smiled.

"I'm Steven." He said.

"Sam..Samantha." Sam replied.

And Steven fell in love, right there and then, with the woman who spilled paint all over him, and smiled like an angel.

***************************

WEDNESDAY

She was up at six. Apparently some habits were hard to break. Looking at the time, she knew Janet would be at work, decided to call her.

"Hey, how's the house painting going?" Janet asked.

"Not good." Sam admitted.

"Well, you could always get the boys in to help you. You know they would if you asked." Janet said. She'd started calling the men of SG1 'the boys' several years ago, although Teal'c, Jack, Daniel and Jonas had no idea the two of them ever used that phrase.

"No, that's not it. I just can't seem to get started." Sam admitted. "How's J..how's everyone?"

"Well," Janet said with a sigh. "Teal'c is his usual self, so stoic he makes me ache just to look him. Jonas is wandering around, looking lost and confused, and a bit scared, and trying to hide it, poor boy, and to be honest, Daniel's doing much the same. He's not coping well with coming back, especially as he can't remember a thing, doesn't know why you're annoyed at him , doesn't know why Jonas is here, the whole lot, and Mackenzie seems to think its better he remembers naturally, so nobody's telling him a thing. I don't know who I feel most sorry for, him or Jonas."

"That doesn't sound good. And how's.?"

"Jack?" Janet interrupted, cheerfully saying the name Sam could never bring herself to say, for some reason. "He's spending a lot of time with Daniel, then he goes and spends time with Jonas. Underneath that hard-assed bastard act he's a good guy, really."

"Yeah, I know. Janet.."

"He's missing you."

"I've only been gone two days." Sam didn't need to ask who Janet meant.

"But he's missing you."

"Janet, I met someone." Sam said, apprehensively. Janet had always been in favour of Sam and Jack getting together, and she scornfully dismissed Nareem, Joe and the others as 'a complete waste of time'.

"Is he nice?" Janet asked.

"Yeah. I mean, he's good-looking, and kind, and divorced, and..normal. He's ordinary."

"I see." Janet said, understandingly.

"Janet.."

"Honey, you do whatever you have to be happy. If that makes you choose an everyday, quiet life, that's your choice."

"Thanks, Janet." Sam said gratefully.

"Is he as hot as Jack though?"

"Janet!" Sam laughed, and put the phone down. Then she called Steven. And asked him out for a drink, that night.

************************

Second date, and Sam was nervous. She didn't know why, things had gone fine the other night. Maybe it was because it was the first time in ages she hadn't talked about work..in fact, not been allowed to. This man knew only what he saw on the surface. He'd never even seen her in uniform. He didn't know she could kill a man from quite a distance. He didn't know she'd saved the world. He didn't know her previous lovers had died. He didn't know that she was the person the most intelligent people in the galaxy, the Asgards, came to for help.

To him, she was just the nice woman who'd split paint over him. She was just Samantha. And it was refreshing, to be with someone who didn't know her past, and didn't know her dark side, and didn't know exactly what she was capable of, and didn't stir her emotions and..

"I just have to..umm.." Steven stood up and looked around.

"At the back, next to the bar." Sam said, pointing out the restroom.

"Oh, of course. Right in front of me. Sorry." He said, smiling, and leaving.

Sam smiled. He was nervous. Nervous about being on a second date with her. That was so sweet. She felt herself relax. This was all so peaceful. So normal. She could sit here, and have a drink with a guy who wasn't an alien, and for once she was actually on Earth. And no-one was going to come in and start shooting, and no-one was going to die any time soon, and there were no complications, there was just Sam, and a man, and nothing else. No rules. No watchful eyes. Just..normality.

She looked round, over at the couples, doing what she was doing, just having a quiet drink. Over at the bar sat one young couple. He was talking, gesticulating, explaining something, and she was giggling. No, not just giggling, laughing so hard she kept putting her hand up to cover her mouth. Her eyes were filled with tears, she was laughing so much, and she kept glancing up with glowing eyes, at the boy opposite her, who occasionally paused to smile secretly, before he continued acting dumb to make her laugh.

The scene seemed oddly familiar, but Sam didn't know either of them..until she realised. That was what her and Jack were like sometimes. He played dumb, doing stupid things like looking through the telescope during the day, to make her laugh, and she remembered giggling so much every time she was with him..well, every time they weren't actually about to die, that is, and she suddenly realised she hadn't laughed that hard with ..well, with anyone. She had a sudden desire to call Jack..the Colonel, just to hear him, just to laugh like that.

"I'm back." Steven announced, sitting down. "Do you know those two?" he asked, following Sam's gaze to the couple.

"No, it's just..tell me a joke, Steven." She asked.

"A joke?"

"Yes. Make me laugh. Please?"

"Ok." He said dubiously. "Well, there were these two nuns in the bath..no wait, I can't tell you that. Well, there was six-inch pianist..no.no way can I tell you that. To be honest, Samantha, I'm not much of a guy for the funnies. The only jokes I know are ...dirty jokes." He said, stumbling to a halt. Sam started to say she didn't mind dirty jokes, but she got the feeling he wouldn't get that. He thought she was too..good, too pure for dirty jokes. It made her feel special, but also hemmed in. Was she never to hear a dirty joke again? Or express any kind of impure thought? She wasn't the porcelain doll Steven seemed to think she was.

"Did I do something to upset you?" Steven asked anxiously.

"No, it's ok." Sam said. She was being silly. So he thought her something precious to be protected. What was wrong with that? Smiling, she asked for another drink.

************************

THURSDAY

Third date, and things were getting serious. They'd swapped stories of past lovers before the movie. He'd told her of his wife. She's told him about Jonas Hansen, Martouf, Nareem (only they became Marty, and Nigel, and human. And she left out the bits where they died.) She didn't mention Jack. There was nothing she could say about him. What could she say?

They held hands during the movie, then he walked her home, still holding hands. She looked up at the stars, realising for once, the sky actually looked familiar. This must be what it was like for normal couples, she felt. Walking home, under the Milky Way, not having to keep an eye out for stray Jaffa.

He stopped on her doorstep, and she turned to face him, unsure.

"Umm." he said, looking at her door. She suddenly remembered. An invitation to go inside was an invitation to.stay inside. For some reason, the phrase 'going fishing' popped up in her head, but she firmly repressed it, along with the image of a pair of intense brown eyes, watching her hopefully.

So, it was time. Leaning forward, she gently kissed Steven, then pulled him in for a deeper, more passionate kiss. She felt herself respond, and felt Steven respond too, pulling her closer. It was just a kiss. A normal kiss. No fireworks, no shivers of passion, no porch lights exploding (and she almost giggled, thinking of Cassie, then pulled her concentration back to the man she was kissing.)

Then he pulled away.

"Samantha, I'm not sure it's the right time."

"Don't I get to decide that?" she asked.

"It's just so fast." He said. She'd forgotten these things were supposed to take time. She'd lived for so long in a world where emotions were intensified by the fact that they could die any moment, she'd forgotten how to take things slowly.

"Steven, I want you to come inside. And I want you to stay the night. Are you going to say no, or come in?" she asked, opening the door. He hesitated a moment, then stepped through. She closed the door after him, taking a moment to look up at the stars, and not thinking at all of a man, on his roof, looking at the same stars through his telescope.

****************

Steven left early the next morning.

******************

FRIDAY.

"Daniel?" she said, suddenly.

"What? Who's Daniel?" Steven asked, bemused.

"A friend." She said, absently, then he realised she wasn't looking at him, she was looking over her shoulder, at the busy road. "Daniel, what the hell are you doing?" she shouted out, and ran past him, into the road.

Steven turned to see a man, young and looking lost, standing in the middle of the road. Sam ran into the road, obviously worried, and Steven felt a small stab of jealousy. She pulled the man out, to the side of the road.

"Daniel, what the hell were you doing in the middle of the road?"

Steven noticed she still had hold of Daniel's hand.

"I'm not sure. I came out for a walk, and got lost, and couldn't quite see where I was.." he said, trailing to a halt, obviously distressed.

"Daniel, where's your glasses?" she asked patiently.

"I'm not sure. I forgot..I don't seem to be used to wearing them anymore." He said, apologetically.

"Daniel, they're here, in your shirt pocket." She said gently, pulling them out and slipping them on his face.

"Thanks." He said, adjusting them, as Steven watched.

Steven was surprised. There was a new Sam here. Not the gentle, patient woman helping her friend (friend? He still wasn't sure about that), but the Sam he'd seen who'd dashed into traffic to save him. There'd been an edge there, only a flash, but something dark, dangerous had possessed her a second, just the second she'd needed to rescue her friend.

"Who are you?" Daniel was asking, looking at him.

"He's a friend." Sam said hurriedly, and Steven felt upset. Surely, after last night, he was more than a friend?

"Look, I'm sorry." Sam said, turning to Steven, "but I have to help him."

"Well, let me help.."

"No. he's not good around strangers. I'm sorry, but you'll have to go. I'll call you later, ok?" she seemed anxious to dismiss him.

"Sam, you can't just brush me off like that. Who is he? Why can't I help you? Is he an old boyfriend, or something? Sam, we can't keep secrets."

"He's an old and dear friend, practically my brother." She explained, although her tone was short, and she was getting angry. "You can't help because you don't know him. As for brushing you off..well, I'm sorry, but some things are more important then your date. And secrets.we all have secrets. And there's no way I will ever tell you mine. Either get used to that idea, or get out of my life." And she turned back to Daniel.

Steven left, confused, hurt and lost. He'd only just found the woman of his dreams, and now he seemed to be losing her again.

********************************

Sam took Daniel to a nearby diner, then called Janet to pick him up.

"Who was that man?" Daniel asked, as they sat in the sunshine pouring through the window. He looked so vulnerable, so lost, that Sam melted a little towards him.

"Steven. We're dating." She said.

"Oh." Daniel said, staring down at his coffee, then out of the window.

"Why were you out here?" Sam asked.

"I was trying to convince myself that I was really ok. I thought, if I could find my way back to my apartment..but I got lost. And everything was blurry, but I forgot about my glasses."

"Daniel, it's going to take time."

"Time for what? To get over what? I don't understand anything. Everything's different."

"Not everything.."

"Yes, it is. Even my office has gone. My place in SG1 has gone. There's people working there I don't know. My life seems to have changed, and I don't why. I've been gone for months, and no-one can tell me where I've been!" His voice was rising, stressed and shaking. "I don't know how this happened! I don't know why Janet won't let me leave the base! I don't know why you're pissed at me! And most of all, I don't why the woman I know is in love with Jack is dating some loser from Poughkeepsie!"

Sam took a deep breath as Daniel ground to halt.

"Better?" she asked.

"Much, thank you." He said, quietly, then looking up, he caught her eye. She was grinning, just a little, and he laughed. "Sorry. It's just.everything's so difficult right now."

"You'll understand, soon. I hope. And Janet..she's just worried something will happen to you."

"You mean like getting stranded in the middle of a busy road, and needing to be rescued." He asked, dryly.

"Mmm. And by the way..Steven's from Wisconsin, not Poughkeepsie."

"Yeah, but Poughkeepsie sounded better. Why are you with him, Sam? Honestly, what did happen between you and Jack?"

"Nothing. There was never anything there, Daniel."

"No, I know I remember that. I remember the way he only ever really smiled when you were around. He talked to me, we joked, but he only ever came alive when you walked into a room. You two were my hope. I fell in love, and watched the women I love betray me, or change, or whatever, but you two..you were constant. You were there for each others, always you made me believe in love..corny, I know, but it's true. How can that have gone?"

"Daniel, whatever we felt, we couldn't be together." She pleaded, not looking at him, fiddling with her coffee cup." The regulations."

"The regulations. I forgot they exist."he said, tiredly. "They seem kind of pointless, given the lives we lead. But still, love isn't just kisses, and holding hands on the beach. Love is.those moments of adoration, when Jack gazes at you, and you smile back. There's more love in those seconds between you two than there ever was for me and all those women."

"Daniel, just stop." She said, her voices cracking. She didn't want to be reminded. "Moments of adoration are all very well, but sometimes I just want to be held at night. Sometimes, I just want a kiss. Sometimes I'm so lonely I cry, and knowing that I'm loved by someone who cannot touch me does not help. I need a life outside the SGC, Daniel. I need what every other person can have. I want a everyday, normal life."

"Well, you can't have it." Daniel told her, his voice firm. "You're special, and Jack's special, and what's between you two is special, and if it makes life difficult, if it makes you cry, well, so what. At the end, when it all comes right, what you'll have will be better than anything the Steven's of this world can offer you. You can't have normality. You may think you want it, but after ten months, you'd coming running back to our difficult, awkward, extraordinary lives."

Sam said nothing, just stared at the man sitting opposite her, the late afternoon sun highlighting his blue eyes, his expression intense as he grasped his coffee cup, and in that moment, it all changed. Everything she thought, everything she believed about herself, changed.

"Daniel, at last." She heard Janet say, as if from a distance. "Sam, where ..Sam?"

Sam looked round, slowly, and her eyes were full of tears.

"Sam, are you ok?" Janet, said, worried.

"I think I've upset her." Daniel said. "Sorry."

"Don't be." Sam said. "It's ok. And I will tell you everything on Monday, Janet, I promise. I just need to get this week over with."

"Ok." Janet touched her arm briefly, reassuringly. Then she pulled Daniel up. He stood there, then did something he'd never done before. He bent down, and kissed Sam, gently, on one cheek.

"You'll be ok." He whispered. "I have always had, and always will have, utter and absolute faith in you."

**********************

SATURDAY

Today, Sam talked with Steven. They sat down, and discussed , and pondered and talked for hours, but the outcome was always known, from the start. Sam couldn't have it any other way. She'd made her choice.

**********************

SUNDAY.

"You're back a day early." Jack said.. She turned to look at the tall figure, leaning carelessly against the wall of lab, hands rammed in his pockets. To an outsider, he looked like he hadn't a care in the world. But Sam knew him, better than anyone now, and she could see the carefully hidden pain in his eyes, the strain in his eyes.

Somehow, he knew about Steven.

"I got bored." She said, and stepped forward a little, towards him. She was sharply aware now, after a week without him, how much she missed him. And she was newly aware, after what Daniel had said, of the man himself. The way he stood, the way he smiled, the way his gaze rested on her, those deep dark intense eyes so unreadable to everyone else, so clear to her.

'I love him'

she thought, and the knowledge, so long in coming, so hidden away, shocked her with is clarity, its force. She loved him. There could never be anyone else, not now. Next to him, next to what she felt for him, any other man would seem colourless, dull, pointless in comparison.

"Does the house look good?" he asked.

"The house?" she queried, then remembered she was supposed to have painted it. "I rested instead." She admitted.

"And did you have a good time..resting?" he asked, stepping forward into the room. He leaned against her lab bench, and picked up a pencil, fiddling with it, staring intensely at it, not meeting her eyes. 'He's waiting', she thought. 'he's waiting for me to tell him that I met someone, that whatever we have between us is over, that I will never go fishing with him. And he won't object, won't argue, because all he wants is my happiness.'

"I met someone." She said, and the words fell like stones into the room. Jack swallowed, but didn't look up, only continued playing.

"He's a good man. Pleasant. Ordinary. Everything I should want."

"I know." Jack said, but still he didn't look up, and he gripped the pencil so hard, his knuckles turned white.

"No, you don't know." Sam said, and her voice was thick with tears, because she could see this man she loved sacrificing his happiness for hers, even though he knew the other man would never love her, know her, like Jack could.

"I broke up with him yesterday."

"You did?" Jack looked up at her, suddenly, dropping the pencil in astonishment. "Carter, I'm sorry."

"I'm not." She said, grinning at Jack. "He was dull, and boring, and treated me like a porcelain Princess."

"And you hate that." Jack said, smiling in return. No-one knew his Sam like he did. His protection was different. He did it because he loved her. Others did it because they perceived her as fragile. And she protected him as much as he protected her.

"I hate that." She admitted. "Besides, how can I love him when I'm in love with someone else."

The world stopped around Jack. The air hung, waiting for her to continue, to say the next line. Jack stopped breathing.

"Carter, who do you love?" he couldn't believe it was him. It had to be him, but he couldn't believe it.

"I'll tell you when you retire." She told him, and he grinned. It was as close to an admission as his Major would ever get.

************************

"You changed my screensaver." Daniel complained.

"Egyptian dancers? No offense, Dr. Jackson, but they got a bit dull.." Jonas said, making tea in the corner.

"You have clouds." Daniel pointed out. "It comes with clouds! How exciting is that?"

"I like clouds." Jonas said, offering milk. Daniel shook his head.

"And bananas too, apparently." Daniel muttered, staring at the overflowing bin of banana peel. He'd come to his lab hoping to feel at home, but everything had changed. Nothing was the same any more.

"Did you throw away my coffee?" Daniel asked morosely, staring at the cup of tea Jonas had handed him.

"Sorry." Jonas said, apologetically. "But you.."

"weren't using it." The men finished in unison. They looked towards the doorway, drawn by the sound of voices.

"So how about going fishing? Right now?" Jack was calling. Sam passed the doorway, grinning like the Cheshire cat, positively glowing.

"I can't right now." She said. "I'm in the mood for jello." She said, turning and facing Jack, who now passed the doorway. He was smiling too, a rare, render smile that Daniel had only ever seen him use with Sam.

"Well, I could do with some cake." Jack admitted, following Sam as they passed Jonas's open door.

"Good, you can eat cake while I pull another brilliant idea out of my butt." Sam said, laughing, as their voices trailed away.

"Good to know, isn't it?" Jonas asked.

"Yes." Daniel agreed. "Some things never change."

THE END




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