samandjack.net

Story Notes: Songbook Series 27: AUTHORS NOTES: A huge thanks to my two beta gal's, Kes and Jenn! And to Sue for her medical input.

FEEDBACK: Very much appreciated and cherished. Just don't send the death threats yet!


Jack sighed as he woke up reluctantly. He’d been having a wonderfully erotic dream concerning Sam, himself and a waterfall. Sighing again, he rolled over to cuddle up to his wife, only to be met with an empty bed. Opening his eyes, he looked at the clock and saw it was almost 1000 hours. If Adam had followed his usual habits, she would have been up for several hours already. Jack pulled himself into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. SG-1 had returned from a mission late the night before and he hadn’t gotten home until after 0200.

He listened carefully, wondering why the house was so quiet. Getting up and pulling some clothes on, Jack walked out of the master bedroom and into his son’s room. It was empty. Next he walked down stairs and into the kitchen. It was there that he saw Sam’s note.


Gone running. Coffee’s done.
Love Sam and Adam xoxo


Smiling, he headed to the front door and went outside to get the morning paper. He walked to the end of the path to fetch his paper, looking down the street and spotting his wife heading towards him. She was traveling at an impressive clip, pushing Adam in what Jack called the SUV of strollers, with Jerry running along beside her. Now that Adam was five months old, Sam had decided that she wanted to get back in shape and she took Adam running almost every morning.

He was so glad she’d settled into the role of motherhood now. The first few months had been hard. Jack had thought that things would settle down after Adam started having formula and Sam started taking anti-depressants. She'd had her good days and her bad days, just as Chris said, but Jack took heart in knowing that his wife never gave up and together they got through it.

Jack had carried a lot of guilt in those early months, even after Janet had pointed out that going on the mission had brought the seriousness of the situation to light. He still felt that he should have been able to prevent it and it took him a while to accept that there was nothing he could have done differently. Still, they'd beat it and were finally able to enjoy parenthood like they wanted.

"Good morning," Sam greeted, panting slightly as she came to a stop beside him.

"Morning," he replied, moving to kiss her. "Good morning, little man," he then greeted his son. Adam squealed and reached for Jack, wanting to be picked up.

"He missed you," Sam told Jack, watching them as she stretched.

"Mmm, well I sure missed you guys," Jack replied, kissing his son on the cheek before moving to hug his wife.

"I'm all sweaty, Jack," she protested.

"You've been hot and sweaty in my arms before, Baby," he reminded her with a grin.

She laughed, moving to kiss him. "Can you take care of him while I have a shower?" she asked.

"Sure you don't want me to help you?" he asked, a glint in his eye.

"I'd love you to, but I don't think our son would be impressed." She bent down and undid Jerry's leash, giving the dog a scratch behind the ears. "You need to go out into the backyard, my boy." The dog barked, moving over to stand next to Jack and Adam.

Sam sighed. "Jack, I think Jerry has an obsession with Adam," she told her husband. "He wouldn't let Mrs. Everson near the stroller the other day until I told him it was all right."

Jack smiled, reaching down to pat the dog. "You're just protecting your family, aren't you, boy?"

"You think it's all right?"

He shrugged. "I have to admit that I like the thought that he's protective of the two of you."

Sam nodded. "I know, I'd just hate for him to bite anyone."

"He'll be fine, Sam," Jack assured her. "I really don't think he'd attack anyone unless they were trying to hurt you or Adam. In that case, they deserve whatever he gives them."

"I guess you're right."

Jack grinned. "Of course I'm right." He leant over and gave her a quick kiss. "Go and shower. Adam and I'll take care of our guard dog."

She smiled. "Okay. You be good for Daddy, Adam."

Adam just giggled in return.

*****

Once Sam had showered and changed, she left the bedroom in search of her husband and child. Hearing Jack's voice, she walked to the door of the nursery, standing there and watching as he changed Adam’s diaper.

“Come on, Adam. You’re smart, like your mom. I know you can do this. Say Dada,” he encouraged.

“Mama,” Adam replied.

Jack grinned. “No, Dada.”

“Mama!”

“I think your fighting a losing battle, Jack,” Sam told him, making her presence known.

Adam squealed. “Bubba!”

Jack sighed. “I thought they normally said the name of the parent who worked first?”

Sam grinned, reaching down to tickle her child’s bare belly. “You’re just mommy’s little boy, aren’t you?”

Adam kicked his feet as he squealed, holding his hands out to his mother. Sam put his little overalls back on and then picked him up. “Were you a good boy for Daddy?”

“Of course,” Jack replied with a grin. “He’s just like his father.”

“That’s what worries me,” Sam quipped as she turned to leave the nursery.

“Hey!” Jack cried, his grin showing that he didn’t really mind her teasing. He caught up to her as she started down the stairs. “He showed me how he rolls over and pushes himself up.”

Sam laughed. "He thinks he's so clever, doesn't he? It's like he's trying to crawl with his arms but hasn't figured out that the legs are involved as well."

Jack chuckled. " I thought the nosedive was particularly impressive."

"Oh, don't you listen to him, Adam, he's just a meany."

"Meany?" Jack repeated, chuckling. "You've been at home too long, Sam. You're vocabulary's going downhill."

Sam sighed, placing Adam on his play rug and turning to her husband. "I wanted to talk to you about that actually."

He looked at her, seeing the seriousness on her face. "Baby, I was only joking."

She smiled. "I know," she assured him. "But I'm really starting to miss work."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to come back to SG-1? Sam, if something happens to us, Adam will be left an orphan."

"I know, Jack. That's the last thing I want to happen, but I'm going stir crazy here. Don't get me wrong, I love being here with Adam, but I need some mental stimulation." She sat down on the sofa, looking up at him. "I talked with General Hammond yesterday. He agreed to let me work in the lab on a casual basis, maybe go on the odd mission with one of the scientific teams. That way I'll be involved with the program but still able to spend time with Adam."

"I see," he said, feeling angry that she'd talked to Hammond before discussing it with him. "And just what are you planning on doing with our son? I told you I didn't want him on Base, Sam. Who knows what could come through the Stargate."

"I know. Jocelyn said she'd mind him for me. Now that she's stopped working, she said she'd be happy to watch him whenever I wanted."

Jack's jaw clenched. "It seems you've thought of everything."

Sam looked up at her husband, surprised by the coldness in his voice. "Jack, if you don't want me to do this, then just say so."

He sighed, sitting down beside her. "It's not that I don't want you to go back to work. I'm just disappointed you felt you couldn't discuss it with me first."

"It wasn't like that. I was talking to Joc the other day and it came up. I guess I just got excited by the prospect so I went straight to Hammond to discuss the possibilities."

Jack looked at her, seeing that she really was excited by the idea of working again. "You really want to do this, don't you?"

She nodded. "I do, but only if you want me to."

He smiled, pulling her to him. "I wouldn't dream of trying to stop you, Sam."

Sam sighed, leaning into his embrace. "Thank you."

*****

It was late in the afternoon when Jack found himself standing in front of the fireplace, looking at the photos on the mantle. There was the one of Sam's mom at one end, with a photo of Sam and her Dad on their wedding day. The next one was of the bridal party and then a shot of Sam, Jack and his parents. In the middle of the mantle was a photo of Jack and Charlie and next to that a picture of Sam, Jack and Adam taken only a few weeks ago. The other end was devoted to their friends and Godchildren. They really were lucky to have so many wonderful people in their life, he decided.

He heard Sam walk up behind him, sighing as her arms came around his shoulders and she pressed a kiss to his nape. “Where’s Adam?” he asked, leaning back into her slightly.

“He’s having a nap,” she replied, moving her hands down his chest and into the waistband of his sweat pants.

“Why, Samantha,” Jack drawled. “Are you making a pass at me?”

“You betcha,” she replied, nibbling on his ear.

“Just making sure,” he smirked, turning around and trying to lead her to the stairs.

“Right here,” she told him, moving to kiss him hard.

“In the living room?” he managed to ask, a few moments later.

“Yeah,” she replied, a little breathless. “I want you now,” she demanded.

Jack wasn’t about to say no.

*****

“Oh, wow,” Sam breathed, when she could finally talk. “That was amazing!”

Jack smoothed the damp hair off her forehead, unwilling to move off her just yet. "Whenever you get the urge for another one of these daytime trysts, you just let me know, Baby," he told her with a grin.

She smiled languidly up at him, running her hands up his back. "Do you know how much I love you?"

He grinned back at her. "I think you just showed me." He was just lowering his head to kiss her when a cry was heard through the baby monitor.

Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair. "At least his timing's getting better."

"Mmm, marginally," he agreed, rolling off her and grabbing his sweats. "You get him, I'll start getting his dinner."

Sam was just starting up the stairs when the phone rang. She heard Jack yell that he'd get it, so continued up to her son. She had just finished changing his diaper when Jack hurried into the nursery.

"Change of plans," he hurriedly explained. "I've got to get to the Base, SG-5's in trouble."

Sam nodded, kissing him goodbye. "Be careful," she told him.

"Always," he assured her. He kissed Adam goodbye and then hurried out the door.

Sam sighed. "Looks like it's just you and me again, Adam."

The baby only babbled in reply.

*****

Jack hadn't been gone that long when Sam heard a noise coming from the backyard. She saw Jerry sit up from his position at the end of the sofa, pricking his ears at the noise as well. Sam put Adam down on his play rug, placing his bottle on the coffee table and getting to her feet. Jerry was up in an instant, by her side as she headed to the sliding door. When the attack came, Sam wasn't ready for it. She'd thought that the door had been closed so wasn't prepared for the intruder to launch himself at her.

Sam cried out as she felt the blade of a knife against her throat. Adam started screaming, frightened by the commotion and the next thing she knew Jerry had launched himself at the intruder. The knife nicked her throat as the intruder fell, fighting Jerry who had attached himself to the man's arm and showed no signs of letting go.

"Get it off me!" he cried.

Sam kicked the knife out of the way and ordered Jerry off. The dog obeyed but it was plain to see that one false move by the intruder and he would attack again.

"If you don't want him to kill you, I suggest you stay right where you are!" Sam spat at him. She headed for the phone, keeping an eye on the man as she dialed 911.

*****

The police were gone an hour later, having taken the intruder with them. They'd told Sam that the man was wanted for numerous vicious home invasions and that she was very lucky that he hadn't hurt her. General Hammond had been informed and sent two SF's to escort Sam back to the Base. She was reluctant, not wanting Adam to be exposed to anything that may come through the Stargate, but she was shaken and really didn't want to stay in the house by herself.

Now, Sam was seated on a bed in the infirmary while Janet tended to her neck. Adam was asleep in her arms, having taken over an hour to settle. "I really thought Jerry was going to kill him," Sam told her friend, wincing as Janet applied antibiotic cream to the wound.

"It sounds like he would have done everyone a favor if he had," Janet replied. "They're not going to destroy him are they?"

Sam shook her head. "The police said that they wouldn't need to because he was only protecting me."

"That's good. Where is he?"

Sam smiled. "Up playing security dog with the SF's on the front gate. They said they'd keep him for tonight. Hopefully then Jack will be back and we can go home."

"Well your neck will be fine. Thankfully, it's only a superficial cut. It could have been a lot worse though."

"I know. It could have easily killed me if it'd been deeper." Sam hugged her son a bit closer, shuddering at the thought.

Janet gave her friend's arm a squeeze. "Why don't you go and get some sleep?"

Sam nodded, getting carefully to her feet. "I might just go and check in with the control room first. See if they've heard anything." She bid farewell to her friend and carried her son out of the infirmary.

"Hi, Siler," she greeted as she walked into the control room.

"Major Carter!" he returned, a smile lighting his face. "I heard what happened earlier. I'm glad to see you're all right." He looked at the bundle in her arms. "He's grown so much since I saw him last." Davis and the other techs also gathered around to look at Adam.

Siler had just asked if he could have a hold when the 'Gate started spinning and the klaxons sounded. The noise was enough to startle Adam who started crying.

"It's okay, Adam. That's probably Daddy coming home." She put her hand over her son's ear, pressing the other to her chest in attempt to block out the noise. She watched as the wormhole established and they received SG-1's IDC. Hammond, who had hurried into the control room, gave the order to open the iris and they all watched the event horizon.

What happened next would forever stay with Sam. She saw two members of SG-5 stumble through, holding the limp body of Brett Cowley between them. Sam gasped, her heart going out to both Brett and Lucy, who would be no doubt worried to learn that her boyfriend had been injured. Then the event horizon rippled and Sam's heart stopped.

Daniel and Teal'c had stepped through, dragging Jack between them. "Oh, God, no," she whimpered, unconsciously holding her screaming child closer. She rushed to the stairs, not even hearing the call to close the iris. She barely heard the tell-tale thud of bodies hitting the iris, her focus solely on the two groups of medical teams. One working on her friend, the other her husband.

A medic moved and Sam caught a glimpse of her husband. "Jack?!" she yelled, her voice barely heard over the commotion. She started to rush forward, only to be restrained by Daniel.

"Let them work on him, Sam," he told her.

She looked at his face and the tears welled as she saw the gravity there. He didn't have to say a word and she knew that her husband had been very seriously hurt. She started to shake and Daniel quickly took Adam, handing him over to Teal'c before taking her in his arms.

The medics started moving and Sam went to rush after them, but Daniel restrained her. "I want to go with him!" she cried, struggling in his grip.

"You know Janet won't let you in there, Sam. Just let them do their job."

She turned to Teal'c, taking a still crying Adam from him and holding him close. "What happened?"

"I'd like to know that myself," Hammond said. He gently took Sam's arm. "How about we let Doctor Jackson and Teal'c tell us on the way to the infirmary?"

Sam nodded and allowed him to lead her away. She said nothing until they were in the elevator but then repeated her question to Daniel.

"When we got there, we found SG-5 had been ambushed by a group of natives. They had them cornered in a cave system. We drew the natives away, but they returned just as we were getting SG-5. There was fighting and then a rumble..." Daniel paused as he remembered the confusion then the horror as they realized that it was a cave-in. He had to clear his throat before he continued, vividly reliving in his mind what happened next. "There was a cave-in. Jack and Brett were bringing up the rear. I turned just in time to see Brett push Jack to try and get him out of the way. He caught the brunt of it while Jack was on the edge of it..." He drifted off, unsure what else he needed to tell the General.

"That will do for now, Doctor. Is there anything you'd like to add, Teal'c?" Hammond asked, keeping a hand securely on Sam as they exited the elevator.

"Only that I believe this planet should not be visited again, General Hammond. The natives were shrewd and even though they are technologically inferior, I would consider them to be a threat."

"I'll take that under advisement, Teal'c." Hammond turned to look at Sam, who had been quiet throughout the trip to the infirmary. "I think you should sit down, Sam," he suggested gently.

"I... uh..." She looked around, a little lost, before nodding and sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs.

"Do you want me to take Adam, Sam?" Daniel asked gently.

"No!" she snapped, holding her son a little closer. "You've been on an alien planet. God knows what germs you could give him."

"Why don't you let Adam come with Grandpa George?" Hammond asked. "I'll take him back to my office where no one will be able to hurt him."

Sam smiled slightly at the nickname that Jack had given the General. "Thank you, Sir. I'd really appreciate that. His things are in the guest quarters you assigned me."

The General nodded, reaching down and gently taking the now quiet child in his arms. "I'll have an airman fetch them for me. Don't you worry, I'll take good care of him."

"I know." She watched as Hammond walked down the corridor, her child safely in his arms. She knew it would be quite the sight to other officers, seeing the base CO carrying a baby, but she was grateful for his offer. She didn't want Adam there when she found out how Jack was.

She turned to Daniel and apologized. "I didn't mean to snap, Daniel."

"It's okay, Sam. I understand. He's better staying with the General anyway."

Sam nodded. "Jack's always saying that I better not bring him visiting because we don't know what he could catch. I just... with Jack in there..."

"It's okay," he assured her.

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c spoke up. "We should shower and change our clothes. That will then lessen any risk we pose to Adam O'Neill."

"I don't want to leave Sam," Daniel told his friend.

"I'll be okay, Daniel. You really should get cleaned up. I'll call for you if I hear anything."

Before Daniel could reply, they heard someone running down the corridor. They turned and saw Lucy rushing towards them, her face flushed and eyes wide with fear.

"I just found out. How are they?"

Sam took in her still wet hair and hastily buttoned clothing and decided that she must have been in the shower when the team came back. "I don't know," she told her friend. "They didn't look good."

"Tell me what happened," she ordered Daniel and Teal'c and Sam closed her eyes as they retold the story a second time.

When they finished, Sam opened her eyes and turned to look at Lucy. "Can't you go in there and find out what's happening?"

Lucy shook her head. "It was one of the first things Janet said when I started seeing Brett. If he's ever injured I better not step foot inside the infirmary until she says so." She paused. "To be honest with you, Sam, I don't think I could go in there anyway. If it was bad..." She trailed off, closing her eyes as tears welled.

Sam's own eyes became teary as she pulled her friend into a hug. She looked up when she felt a hand on her shoulder, nodding to Teal'c, who then ushered Daniel away.

Both women sat there for another ten minutes before Janet stepped through the infirmary doors, pulling her gloves off. They both jumped to their feet and Sam tried not to stare at the blood that she saw on the gloves, but couldn't help but wonder who her friend had been working on.

“How are they?” Sam asked, holding Lucy’s hand tightly.

“They’ve taken Jack into surgery. He’s had a severe head trauma and Warner needs to release the pressure on his brain. He also has a broken leg and possible internal injuries.”

“But he’s going to be all right, isn’t he?” Her voice quivered as Sam tried hard not to cry.

Tears sprung up in Janet’s eyes. “I can’t promise that, Sam.”

Sam was numb as Lucy pulled her into a hug. All she could think of was that she was having a nightmare and would wake up safe in her husband’s arms.

“What about Brett?” Lucy asked, once she’d released her friend.

Janet swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, Lucy. His injuries were just too severe and we couldn’t...”

“No!” Lucy cried, collapsing to the floor. “He can’t be dead! He can’t!”

Janet broke down as well, crouching down beside her. “I am *so* sorry, honey. I tried, I really did.”

“We know you did, Janet,” Sam said, hugging the both of them.

“I loved him,” Lucy sobbed, over and over. “I loved him and I never told him!”

“He knew, Lucy. He knew,” Sam soothed, pushing back her own grief to comfort her friend.

*****

It was hours later when Sam was finally allowed in to see Jack. He'd survived surgery, but no one was very optimistic about his recovery. Sam hadn't allowed herself to cry yet. She'd stayed strong as she'd held Lucy, sobbing in her arms, and later as she'd held an equally distraught Janet who was blaming herself for their friend's death. But looking at her husband, lying so deathly pale and connected to so many tubes and machines, Sam finally allowed a tear to slip.

She walked over to the bed, taking in the multitude of bruises. His head was bandaged from the surgery, his broken leg had been set and a lacerated liver had been repaired. Unfortunately, Wariner had informed her, Jack was not breathing on his own and he had been put on a respirator.

Sam tried to look passed the machines and injuries, reaching out and taking his hand gently in hers. “Don’t you dare leave me, Jack O’Neill. I can’t do this without you.” Her voice choked as the tears she’d been trying so hard to stop came flooding out. “Don’t make me have to explain to our son why he has no daddy,” she sobbed.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Teal'c standing behind her. She grasped his hand and then buried her head in his chest. "It's not fair, Teal'c," she cried. "What did we do to deserve all this pain?"

"O'Neill is a formidable warrior, Major Carter. He is fighting and I believe it is a fight he shall be triumphant in. After all, no man could ever willingly leave the ones they love and I know O'Neill loves you dearly."

She took a calming breath as Teal'c hugged her closer. "Thanks, Teal'c."

"We are all here for you, Major Carter. Do not forget that."

She nodded against his chest, composing herself before pulling away and giving her friend a tumultuous smile. "I'm okay," she assured him, seeing his worried brown eyes.

He nodded, staying by her side as she sat down beside her husband's bed. Neither knew how long they'd stayed there, but Teal'c hadn't moved from her side when the door opened some time later. He turned to see who had arrived, nodding his greeting to Janet, who smiled back at him before turning to Sam.

"We need to run some tests now, Sam. Maybe it would be better if you took a break?"

"I really don't want to leave him, Janet," Sam protested.

"I know, honey, but I think it would be better. Why don't you go and see Adam? I'm sure he's missing his mom."

Sam looked at her watch, realizing that it was almost seven in the morning. Adam would surely be awake by now and wanting his breakfast. Her mind was at war for a moment, trying to decide where she was needed most; with her son or her husband.

"I'll call you if there's any change," Janet assured her.

Sam nodded reluctantly and headed for the door. She turned to look at Teal'c when she saw him walk beside her.

"I shall accompany you, Major Carter," he told her.

She nodded her thanks, too tired to even muster a smile.

They made their way to the General's office on level twenty eight. When they reached the open door, Sam immediately spotted the portable crib erected in the corner of the room and Adam's favorite teddy bear sitting on the side of the General's desk. At any other time, she would have found the situation hilarious, but as it was she barely managed a smile. She just wanted to hold her baby and then maybe she would feel a little better.

She knocked on the door, only noticing after that the General wasn't alone. "Ah, sorry, Sir," she apologized, gulping when she realized that the other man was none other than General Ryan.

"That's okay, Major," Hammond assured her. "How is Colonel O'Neill doing?"

"No change, Sir," she replied, shifting uncomfortably. "Doctors Fraiser and Wariner are just running more tests on him now."

"I'm sorry to hear about your husband, Major," General Ryan told her. "I hope he's doing better soon."

"Thank you, Sir." Sam turned back to Hammond. "I'm sorry for interrupting, Sir. I just wanted to get Adam."

"Doctor Jackson has taken him down to the commissary for breakfast," Hammond replied. "He was getting a little restless, even with sharing his toys with General Ryan."

Sam blushed. "I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be," Ryan assured her. "He's a bubbly little thing. Reminds me of my grandchildren when they were younger." He grinned at Hammond. "Obviously has his Grandpa George wrapped around his finger."

Hammond chuckled. "That he has."

Sam managed to smile at that. "Well, Sirs, if you'll excuse me I should make sure Daniel's not feeding him bacon and eggs or something."

"Of course, Major. Feel free to bring him back here after he's finished. He's been quite happy to stay in here."

Sam nodded. "I really appreciate you looking after him, Sir."

"Anytime, Major Carter, you know that."

Saying her farewells, and still with her faithful teammate by her side, Sam headed back to the elevator. Once on the right floor, she headed into the commissary, immediately hearing her son’s babbling. He saw Sam and squealed, promptly spitting a mouthful of milk all over Daniel.

“Hey, little man. Are you being good for Uncle Daniel?” She picked him up and hugged him close.

“How are you holding up?” Daniel asked, placing a comforting hand on one of hers.

“So, so,” she replied honestly. “Thanks for feeding him for me.”

"You know I love looking after him, Sam," Daniel assured her.

She nodded, sitting in the nearest chair and looking around. "I hate having him here, but I just can't stand the thought of him being away from me at the moment."

"You need him here, Sam, and maybe Jack does too. I'm sure he knows that his family is nearby, reminding him of what he has to fight for."

"I hope so," she whispered. She watched Adam as he played with her dog tags. He babbled for a second before a distinct word came out. “Dada.”

Sam choked back a sob and held her baby tightly to her chest. "Daddy's gonna be so proud of you, Adam," she whispered brokenly.

*****

When Sam was allowed back in to see her husband, she told him what Adam had said. "So, you have to wake up, Jack, so you can hear him. You taught him, so it's only fair that you get to hear what he's learnt." She sighed when she received no reply, slumping back in the chair and closing her eyes.

"Sam?" Janet called, her voice soft.

Sam looked up to see her best friend standing there, Doctor Wariner by her side. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Janet tried to speak, but the words just stuck in her throat. She looked to Wariner, who nodded. "I'm afraid the latest tests were not good," he told Sam. "The EEG did not show any brain function."

"Are you telling me he's brain dead?" Sam whispered, barely able to find her voice at all.

"It doesn't look good. We will need to perform more tests over the next several hours, but I..." He paused, looking to Janet. "*We* thought that you should be prepared for the very real possibility that your husband will not recover."

Sam screwed her eyes closed and nodded, unable to get any words passed the lump in her throat.

Janet walked over to her friend, crouching down beside her. "I'm so sorry, Sam."

Sam opened her eyes, trying to blink away the tears. "His parents will be here soon. What am I supposed to tell them?"

"I'll tell them, honey. You don't have to." She squeezed Sam's hand. "Do you want me to stay with you for a while?"

Sam shook her head. "I think I'd rather be alone right now," she admitted.

"Okay. I'll be in my office if you need me."

Sam nodded, but didn't reply. She sat there, trying hard not to think of anything, lest she not be able to handle the way her thoughts went.

"Ma'am?" a young SF called from the door.

Sam's eyes snapped open and she turned to look at the young man who had called her. "Yes, Airman?"

"You asked to be informed when Colonel O'Neill's parents arrived?"

Sam nodded, getting to her feet and bending to kiss Jack's forehead. "You're parents are here, Jack. I'm just going to get them and I'll be right back." She took one last lingering look at him, as if afraid he'd be gone when she returned. Finally she turned and left the room.

It was hard for Sam to leave her husband’s side, but she wanted to meet Susan and Charles on the surface. She spotted them waiting for her at the check-point. She nodded to the airman on check-point duty. “Thank you, Airman. I’ll take it from here.” It took all her willpower to make her voice even.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, snapping off a salute.

Sam returned the gesture before turning to Jack’s parents. “Thanks for coming,” she told them, moving to hug them both.

“How is he?” Susan asked.

Sam gestured for them to enter the elevator, waiting until the doors shut before she spoke. “Sorry for all the security, but you guys aren’t really supposed to be here. We wanted to transfer him to the Academy hospital but Janet thought it was best not to move him.”

“Sam?” Susan asked again, moving closer.

The soft tone and concern in the older woman’s eyes was her undoing and she broke down. “I’m so scared, mom.”

Susan held her daughter-in-law close. “He’ll be okay, Sam.”

Sam hated feeling this out of control, she wasn't normally the kind of person who broke down, but she just couldn't seem to stop herself. She wondered if it was from the depression that she'd fought so hard to overcome, but soon acknowledged that it was the dread that she would soon be a widow, something she'd tried to deny until now. “You don’t know that,” she whispered.

“Yes I do. Do you want to know why? Because he’s got you and he’s got Adam. He’s fighting teeth and nails to stay with you both.”

“What if he doesn’t make it, Mom? What do I do then?”

“You live. You go on for your little boy and you go on for Jack. But, he’s still hanging on and while he is, we keep our faith.”

She felt another hand on her shoulder and turned to Charles. "We're here for you, Sam, no matter what."

"Thank you," she whispered, as he pulled her into his arms.

Sam had managed to compose herself by the time the elevator doors opened, but anyone who looked closely would be able to see the tell-tale red, puffy eyes. She led her in-laws straight to the infirmary, stopping short when she saw Janet standing beside the bed. "Is there something wrong?" she asked, immediately fearing the worst.

"We ran another EEG while you were gone." She sighed at Sam's hopeful look. "I'm sorry, Sam, there was no change." She looked to Jack's parents, not looking forward to what she knew was coming.

"It's good to see you again, Janet," Charles greeted.

Janet nodded her agreement. "I'm just sorry that it wasn't under better circumstances."

Charles nodded. "I know you can't tell us what happened, but can you update us on his condition?"

Janet nodded. "He has a broken leg, which we've set. He has three broken ribs, one of which lacerated his liver. We had to operate to repair that. Probably the most serious injury though was a blow to the head which resulted in bleeding on the brain. He has a drain in now to stop the pressure building up again."

"Why is he on a respirator?" Susan asked.

"He can't breathe on his own, Mom," Sam told her.

Charles put an arm around his wife, seeing that she was close to tears. "What do you think his chances are?"

Janet sighed. "I'm afraid that they're not good. We've done all we can, but Jack has showed no brain function."

Sam turned away, biting her lip to try and stop the tears from welling again. She didn't want to cry again. She needed to be strong for her husband's parents and for her child. With her child in her mind, Sam walked over to the phone and dialed an internal number. "Hey, Daniel, it's Sam... No, there's been no change. I was just wondering if you could go by Hammond's office and get Adam, then bring him down here? Jack's parents have arrived... Thanks."

She hung up and turned back to her in-laws. Susan was sitting in the chair beside her son's bed, holding his hand and talking quietly to him. Charles stood behind her, a supportive hand on her shoulder. She left them to spend some time with their son, but was reluctant to leave the room. She settled for standing by the door, so she could give them some privacy without having to leave her husband completely.

Leaning up against the wall, Sam thought back over the last few years. They had all gone through so much since the Stargate program had been re-activated. They'd all changed considerably. She had always considered herself a fairly by-the-book officer. She wasn't a risk taker and she certainly didn't ignore rules that she'd sworn an oath to uphold. That had all changed when she'd met Colonel Jack O'Neill. Not only did she stretch and basically ignore rules in order to protect Earth and her team, but she had gone and fallen in love with her Commanding Officer.

It had been a long road they had traveled, a road with many obstacles and many setbacks along the way, but also a road that had seen some of the happiest times of her life. Their first trip to the cabin, their engagement and marriage, finding out she was pregnant and then giving birth to their child. All of these things far outweighed the hard times.

“Sam?” Janet asked, pulling her from her memories.

Sam looked up, surprised to see that Daniel was there and Adam was being held by his Grandmother. “What is it?” Sam asked, voice catching as she saw the gravity in her friend's eyes.

Janet held out an envelope. “Jack gave this to me not long after you found out you were pregnant. He asked that I give it to you if... if something were to happen.”

With trembling hands, Sam reached out and took the envelope. Pulling the letter out, she took a moment to take in her husband’s familiar scrawl before she started to read.


To my angel,

I guess if you’re reading this, then something has happened to me. I’m sorry to have to put you through this, but you know why I had to keep going out there, Sam. I had to keep Earth safe for you and for the new life that we have created.

If Janet’s given you this letter, then she feels there is no hope for a recovery. I wanted to give you this so that I had one last chance to tell you how much I love you and to ask you to do one last thing for me. I don’t want to be left on life support, Sam. I don’t want the pain to be dragged out for you. Please, don’t leave me in a place where I’m neither dead nor alive. You have to let me go, Sam. You have to move on, for yourself and for our child.

I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but I want you to be happy. Find someone who makes you happy, someone who loves both you and the baby in the way you deserve. That’s my last wish, Sam. Let me go and find someone to be happy with.

Thank you for loving me and giving me more happiness than I ever deserved.

With all my heart,
Jack.


Sam was beside herself with grief by the time she finished the letter. She held it to her chest as she sobbed, wondering if she was strong enough to carry out his final request. How could he expect her to let him go? The thought of giving up on him was just too much to bear, but she knew she had to do it. She didn’t think she could ever fulfill his wish for her to find someone else, but she had to honor his wish to let him go.

“I’ll do it for you,” Janet offered, knowing what the letter contained. She remembered the day that Jack had come to her and told her that he had made an Advance Directive. No extraordinary means. She'd argued with him, telling him that he should leave that up to Sam, but he had been adamant and she had eventually agreed.

"Do you really think there's no hope?" she sobbed.

"I'm sorry, honey, but Doctor Wariner and I both agree that he is brain dead" She reached out and squeezed Sam's hand. "You don't have to be the one to do this, Sam."

Sam shook her head. “Yes, I do. I have to do this,” she replied. “Can I... can I be alone with him?”

Nodding, everyone else said their own goodbyes and left the room.

Sam stood next to the bed for a few minutes, just watching him. He looked like he was sleeping. Bandages and bruises aside, his face was relaxed and the respirator gave the illusion that he was breathing easily. She reached out a shaking hand and touched his cheek. “I love you, Jack O’Neill. I feel honored to have served with you and even more honored to have been loved by you.” She leaned down and kissed the cheek she had been caressing. “I will never stop loving you.” Having said her goodbyes, she reached across to the respirator and honored her husband’s wish.

*****

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I love her
Did I try everyway
To show her everyday
That she’s my only one

And if my time on Earth is through
And she must face this world without me
Will the love I gave her in the past
Be enough to make it last
If tomorrow never comes

*****

COMING SOON - Songbook Series 28: No Greater Love




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