#Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And she's always gone too long
Anytime she goes away. #
She sleeps once more. Her breathing is peaceful and even. A small smile graces her lips. All is well in our world again. I do not mean the world of the Taur'i. I refer to the world of O'Neill, DanielJackson and myself. In the time she was gone it was as though…not quite the world having ceased to turn, but more…the sun no longer shone. We each knew without words the other's pain. If she had left forever…we would have continued without her. But our lives would have been emptier…She has become the fire that drives us onwards…the passion behind our fight.
I confess that before I knew SamanthaCarter well I failed to comprehend the advisability of a female warrior, the role of female Jaffa is confined to child bearing except in the case of those few who enter the Temple in service of the false gods. I accepted without question her position of scholar, having encountered numerous female scholars in my time as First Prime of Apophis who were far more efficient in the execution of their duties then many of their male counterparts. I am unsure when exactly CaptainDoctorSamanthaCarter as she was then, came to win my respect as a warrior. Perhaps the incident with the Shadavi was the start…her fight, not only for her own freedom but also for the freedom of an entire gender, against a man almost twice her age and height went a long way to earning our collective respect. When…to use a Taur'i phrase…push came to shove, we knew she would not hesitate. Together the four of us have been to Hell – both metaphorically and (in order to rescue JacobCarter/Sel'mac) physically – and back. Throughout the past four years it has become increasingly obvious to me of a fundamental truth of SG-1's relationship. We can each function alone, as long as we do not attempt to exclude each other, for then we are vulnerable, almost ineffective. But together, when we are united and harmonious, there is nothing, no pain, or loss, or hardship that we cannot overcome together. Together we shall prevail, in life and in war, or together we shall fail. The Taur'i have an appropriate expression for this: Together we stand, or divided we fall. Whomsoever first uttered those words was indeed a wise man, or woman…I have long since learned not to judge without sufficient knowledge in these matters. I only hope that this will not divide us forever. I scold myself for my lack of…I search for an appropriate word…faith, we SHALL get through this. I will NOT allow otherwise.
#Wonder, this time where she's gone,
Wonder if she's gonna stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And this house just ain't no home,
Anytime she goes away.#
Her eyes open and she becomes aware that I am observing her. I acknowledge her awakening by my customary bow of my head. As one we turn to observe the source of the sound that has awoken her, the hastily answered telephone. DanielJackson answers the telephone quietly…although his slightly laboured breathing betrays the haste he employed to get there. The somewhat anxious and disgruntled tones of SamanthaCarter's father are anything but quiet in reply. "Dr. Jackson?!" "General…Carter?" (A/N: Wot do Jacob and Daniel call each other? I can't remember…If anyone knows…PLEASE tell me and I'll correct this bit!) "Why ARE you answering Colonel O'Neill's telephone at THIS time of night?!" "I'm…Jack invited us back for a sort of team…why am I explaining this to you? I have EVERY right to be in my best friend's house and answering the telephone to keep you from waking him up at…" DanielJackson consults the clock behind him, "2.30 in the morning!!! The question is WHY are YOU phoning JACK?!" "I phoned Sam…earlier and got no reply…when I went over and let myself in…she wasn't there…it looked like she hadn't been home…and George said Fraiser had just let her out of the infirmary…and I didn't want her to be alone on her first night at home and I got worried so…I thought I'd phone Jack and worry him…" If I did not wish to have injury inflicted upon me by SamanthaCarter's father next time I see JacobCarter, I would have vocalised my opinion that his last statement sounded somewhat… contrite. "Jacob. Do you seriously think we'd leave her alone if we had the slightest inclination that something was even possibly wrong!" "*sigh* Put an old man's mind at rest…tell me where she is." "Well…until you rang and woke us all up…she was sleeping peacefully on Jack's sofa, with Teal'c, Jack and me taking turns to watch over her…no offence Sam but…" "None taken Daniel," she shuffles sleepily across the room to confirm her presence to her father, "let me speak to Dad." "Sure thing…Ask her yourself!" DanielJackson touches her arm affectionately before leaving her to talk with her father. She receives it with a grateful smile and continues into the kitchen to continue her conversation. The song, which has haunted me all day, plays quietly on the radio and we contemplate the appropriateness of the words.
#Ain't no sunshine when she's gone #
"Guess he just needed to make sure she really was okay for himself…he really isn't good at the whole showing his emotions thing!" A snort emerges from O'Neill causing DanielJackson to jump slightly, and although I do not outwardly display it I share his surprise. Until that moment I believed O'Neill to be asleep. His voice is rough from sleep and his still raw emotions when he speaks. "Didn't it occur to him that maybe we did too." "We did what, Jack?" "Need to know for ourselves that she really is going to be okay." "You don't think she is?" "Carter's strong. She'll get through this…but not alone." He lowers his voice to a mere whisper, "We all will."
#And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, hey I ought to leave the young thing alone,#
"I concur with O'Neill's assessment. SamanthaCarter requires our assistance in various ways to allow her to adapt to recent events. She has demonstrated several times tonight her need for our presence and the comfort she finds from our proximity. In time the trauma will pass. For now we must draw strength from each other and heal. We are family - four parts of one whole. We have once again been made painfully aware of our ineffectivity in dealing with the loss of her and must ensure our need to prevent our loosing her again does not stifle her. We can give her nothing but love and time, we must hope that it is enough. It will not be simple to accomplish, but with time and effort on ALL our parts, it will be achievable." "Where there's a will there's a way." Comments a gentle female voice from the doorway. As one myself, DanielJackson and O'Neill turn towards Samantha Carter who, unbeknownst to us has returned to the living room. She smiles gently. The smile she gives us is content, it may be some time before she will smile with the heart-felt happiness of before, but we have hope that it may soon return. She opens her arms to us and we rise to be by her side. She attempts to draw all three of us into her embrace and we struggle to juggle ourselves round so that we are all entwined around her. If it were not for the seriousness of the situation then I suspect O'Neill would tell one of his `famous' jokes, something about `group hug' in loud tones. But he does not. We have no desire to break the silence. We are content to take comfort in her presence and to allow her to take comfort from ours in turn.
#But ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
Only darkness everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And this house just ain't no home,
Anytime she goes away.#
When she speaks again there is a catch to her voice that betrays the tears that she is finally allowing to fall. "I don't know about the future…but right know that's all I ever want… never stop loving me…cos I CAN'T stop loving you guys. I'd be lost without you guys now… just nice to know you guys…you know…feel the same way." She looks up shyly at each of us in turn, and as she does this we all answer the instinctive impulse to take our allotted turns to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. DanielJackson smiles understandingly at her while unashamed tears soak his face, while O'Neill vainly attempts to bury the silent sobs of misplaced guilt that wrack his body in her shoulder. And I. What you may ask do I do as I observe the men and woman who have become my brothers and sister over these past four years? Despite everything I have learned and endured during my long lifetime, I cannot prevent two large teardrops from sliding from my eyes and landing wetly on her head. But for once in my life, cannot find it within myself to feel ashamed of this weakness. Out of weakness comes strength. This much we have learned from her. It was not the first thing, nor will it be the last that she can teach us. But it is my own personal opinion, that it is the most important. Undomesticated Equines indeed.
#Anytime she goes away, anytime she goes away
Anytime she goes away...#
Story Notes: AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to the lovely people who advised me on posting and stuff and oooh! Feedback me?! Pretty please! Ummm…Bizarrely its from Teal'c's point of view…all of it! I recently read the first entire fic I've ever seen that was entirely from his point of view and was intrigued. Always wondered what was going on inside the big guy's head! :) # indicate song words
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]