Colonel Jack O'Neill led his team through the dimly lit corridor. Weapons at the ready they moved into a room, which appeared to be a chapel. The room itself was darkened and had a musty smell to it. Their shoes clicked on a tiled floor, echoing around the room like a huge cavern.
"I don't like this," Jack muttered "where the hell are we?"
Daniel moved over to one of the dark walls, reaching out to tentatively touch it. Moving his fingers to bring them to his nose he sniffed. "It's damp." Teal'c followed stealthily behind O'Neill, his eyes adjusting to the darkness surrounding them.
Sam stood grounded to the floor as she took in her surroundings. It was the smell that hit her first, the damp musty smell that had haunted her for so many years. This was a nightmare she had long since tried to forget.
"Oh God," she gasped, her eyes filling with tears. She felt her stomach lurch as bile rose up into her throat. Moving quickly away from her team mates she proceeded to throw up violently.
Hearing his 2IC cry out stopped O'Neill in his tracks.
"Sam," Daniel asked as he came over to her, in time to see her wipe the side of her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Carter?" Jack asked concerned at her pale face. Reaching out a hand to touch her she flinched away.
"Captain Carter?" Teal'c asked holding out his canteen of water. She didn't seem to see or hear any of them
her breathing became shallow as she surveyed the space before her. "I can't be here."
She was rapidly becoming agitated her eyes roaming the room like a frightened rabbit. "This can't be real," her voice shuddered.
Jack came towards her worriedly "Carter?"
As he approached, she backed away "No."
"Carter stop it," he snapped, his voice softening at the emotion in her eyes.
Daniel watched his friend carefully, seeing her distress and reached out to touch her. As he touched her shoulder she jumped visible, her whole body shaking.
"Sam, what's wrong?"
As he spoke a man walked beside Sam. " Sammie your father is looking for you, you know you shouldn't be in here."
Looking up at the man, recognition shone in her eyes, a mere glimmer of a smile on her face "Uncle Irvin."
"Your father wants to see you Sammie, come on before he finds you here."
"No, I have to see my mom," she turned her head to the far end of the room, her eyes filling with tears. The powerful images of this room lived in the dark recesses of her mind, only resurfacing in times of vulnerability.
Jack followed her gaze, still unsure of what was going on.
"Sam," the man spoke again, this time grabbing her arm. She turned to give him a stern look to stay away and yanked her arm roughly from his grasp.
"Listen buddy," Jack stepped into Irvin's path "She told you to leave her alone."
If Irvin had heard him, he made no effort to comply. "Sammie don't do this to your self " he begged softly.
"Um hello," Daniel stuck out his hand "I'm Daniel Jackson, a friend of Sam's."
When Irvin didn't acknowledge him either he waved a hand in front of the man's face, producing no glimmer of recognition that he was even aware of their presence. Teal'c stepped forward " What are your intentions with Samantha Carter?"
Once again Irvin stared through them all, only resting his eyes on a very distressed looking Samantha Carter.
"Guys," Daniel spoke softly, as he looked around the room "I don't think this place is real, he's not real."
Jack nodded silently his eyes once again returning to Sam as she walked slowly to what looked like a coffin. Reality edged slowly into his mind as he suddenly realized that this was one of the gamekeeper's mind tricks.
"Ok you son of a bitch, where the hell are you?" he yelled twisting his body around to see any signs of the annoying little man.
"Stop this game right now you here me."
Out of the shadows the gamekeeper appeared "This is good, you can change your past, make things right."
"Putting her through this is some kind of sick game you get off on?" Jack was becoming angrier by the second and reached out to grab the gamekeeper's tunic "stop this game now."
"I will not," he grinned as he disappeared into thin air.
"Why you.." Jack turned around to see any trace of Sam's tormentor, only to focus once more of his 2IC.
"Carter," he said as he began walking towards her, putting a hand on her shoulders to keep her from moving. "Don't do this, this isn't real it's not happening. I know what this is."
" I didn't get to see her," she whispered " they wouldn't let me see her before they buried her."
He was about to answer when a voice he recognized spoke from the far end of the room "Samantha, what are you doing?"
Daniel and Teal'c moved out of Jacob Carters way as he strode towards her. "I told you not to come in here."
Sam turned, the anger in her eyes flashing wildly "No dad you ordered me not to come here."
"Sam," he warned.
"What dad? What are you going to do? Punish me some more? Send me to my room? MY mother is dead, she is dead because you killed her," as she ranted she began to walk towards him slowly, the anger burning inside her like molten lava "I have been a good little girl for you daddy. I have been the daughter you expected me to be, but you know what dad, I grew up and I will not take your orders any more."
All three of Sam's friends watched in shock as her face took on a look of pure and utter anger. Her eyes burned with it, making her usually bright and beautiful face seem dark and worn.
"Samantha Carter I will not listen to this from you especially today of all days, we are about to bury your mother," his voice broke as his eyes focused on the coffin.
"Oh please," she spat venomously " you never had time for us, it was always about you. It's been mom, Mark and me on our own for so long. She asked you to do one thing," she kept her face squarely on him while her fingers pointed to the coffin "you couldn't even go and pick her up in time. She had to get a cab and you killed her dad."
"Sammie, please. That's not true."
"I want my mother back," the anger inside her started to slowly ebb away as she saw his tears, his whole body slumped in quiet sobs.
Jack stood silently to her side as this whole nightmare began to unfold. His 2IC own tears falling steadily down her face. In a split second she ran from the room past her father and her friends.
The image of Jacob Carter slowly faded away as did the room they were in.
Jack was enraged "Get out here now, you stop this game you here me?"
The gamekeeper enjoying this little game of his stood in the shadows as he played the scene before them once again. This time however, there was no Sam here to play.
"Let's get out of here," Jack growled grabbing his pack 'we're going home."
"It was merely an illusion," Teal'c stated.
"What was this we just witnessed, why didn't they see us?"
"I don't know Daniel," Jack snapped "all I know is that whatever happened here was the past, Carters past."
"I'll go find her," Daniel came to his senses as he followed in the direction Sam had gone.
'This is bad Teal'c," Jack muttered.
"Indeed," Teal'c nodded as he and Jack made their way towards Sam and Daniel.
Sam was sat on the floor her back to the wall, her arms around her knees as she cried quietly. Her face was hidden from view away from her teammates.
Daniel came to sit beside her quietly "Sam, you ok?"
"Fine," she sniffed her head still bowed.
"Sam"
With that she lifted her head and defiantly wiped her eyes "I said I'm fine Daniel."
Getting roughly to her feet so distanced herself from him, the tough air force captain returning.
"If you want to talk about it Sam," he offered.
"I'm fine Daniel," she said a little too harshly, then reached out to touch his arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
Jack, Daniel and Teal'c watched as she hid the unshed tears away from their view. " I don't know about you guys but I want out of this damn place."
All three nodded silently as they followed her.
When they eventually reached the stargate, Teal'c began to dial up the earth coordinates. Jack kept his eyes closely on Sam who hadn't uttered a word their whole journey back through to the gate. "You ok Carter?"
Her gaze met his, her eyes telling him more than she admitted "Fine sir."
"Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c spoke loudly, his weapon drawn.
They all looked up to se several figures clothed in black shrouds.
"Um hello," Daniel said as he reached out a hand "I'm Daniel Jackson, and these are my friends Jack, Sam and Teal'c. We mean you no harm."
One of the figures stepped forward and lifted the dark veil to reveal her face. " I must apologize for your distress. I assure you that the perpetrator will be punished."
"No offence ma'am but it's a little late for that," Jack spoke as he turned his face to Carter "let's go home kids."
He grabbed Sam's arm and pulled her through the gate, followed by Teal'c. Daniel stopped before stepping through the blue watering shimmer of the event horizon " Thank you" he offered. The woman smiled and nodded her head, then turned back towards her fellow people and disappeared.
Daniel turned away towards the gate and stepped through.
General Hammond looked up as a knock sounded on his door "Come" he called.
The door creaked open to reveal Sam Carter, her face pale and her eyes red "Sir I wanted to ask you for a favor if I may."
"If I can Sam," he smiled "come in."
He waited patiently for her to sit on the chair opposite his desk. After a few moments she spoke "I need you to get a message to my father sir."
Hammond sat up a little straighter "Nothing wrong I hope."
"I just need to see him, please sir it's important."
"Ok Sam," he smiled gently "I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you sir," she smiled gratefully as she stood to leave.
"Sam," he called as she stopped at the door. "Colonel O'Neill told me what happened on P23-489."
Sam nodded sadly then looked up to meet his gaze "please send the message sir."
"I'll do that Sam, I promise."
She smiled a watery smile and closed the door behind her.
Some time later, Jack Daniel and teal'c sat in the co missionary. All three speaking about nothing in particular, but their minds focused on one thing "So anybody talked to Sam yet?" Daniel asked raising his mug of coffee to his lips. Teal'c watched his two friends intently, feeling the absence of Samantha Carter. " I attempted to have converse with her," he said.
"Jack?" Daniel said seriously "have you talked to Sam?"
The older man sighed heavily as he looked up at his friends "I tried to but she wasn't listening to anything I said, she just stared out into space, I don't even think she knew I was there."
"As did I O'Neill. Samantha Carter was unaware of my presence." Teal'c spoke with sadness " the absence of her from this table and the three of us is what my people call a shakenar."
"Shakenar," Daniel nodded "the heart."
"I'm done with this," Jack stood abruptly "I need some air."
Teal'c and Daniel watched him leave then returned to their silent musings "You think she'll listen to him?"
Teal'c smiled "I think she will."
"I hope so Teal'c, I hope so."
Jack walked purposely towards Sam's quarters his intention to talk things through with her. When he arrived at her door he stood for a few minutes trying to think of things he was going to say to her. Bringing his hand up he knocked soundly on her door. "Carter, open up."
After what seemed like an eternity, her door creaked open to let him enter.
"Hey Carter," he said quietly as she closed the door behind him.
Jack looked on helplessly as she moved over to her bunk wordlessly to pull her knees up to her chest and encircle them in her arms.
Tentatively, Jack moved over to sit beside her. His eyes searched every inch of her room, anywhere but her.
"So," he said finally, trying to think of something to say.
"I said some awful things to him," her voice was so low he had to strain to hear her.
"Well you said, some things," he agreed "but," he added quickly "you was upset, it's only natural."
Tears trickled from her eyes, as she looked beyond him into empty space "I always promised myself I would never say those things to him again. I was so awful to him, but I was so angry."
Jack searched her face sadly all too familiar with the pain she was feeling. "We all say things we don't mean when we're grieving Carter. I'm sure your dad knew."
Her eyes snapped to his ", but I did mean what I said to him, I blamed him for everything and I wanted him to hurt." Seeing the look of surprise in his eyes she looked away "you think I'm a bad person don't you?"
"Carter, what, no," he moved a hand towards her to gently take one of her hands in his "I would never think that. There's not a bad bone in your body." When she didn't look up he pulled gently on her hand.
Slowly, untangling her legs she crawled into his open arms. The feel of her body shaking against his was enough to make him come undone. Wrapping his arms around her tightly as she cried, he whispered words of comfort into her hair, gently rocking her.
"I never said I was sorry," she sobbed into his shoulder ", I never told him."
"Shh," he soothed "it's ok, he loves you Sam, he knows."
" I was so angry at him, at everyone. I wanted my mother back and I blamed him for making her go away," she pulled away to search his face, tears coursing down her cheeks "how could I do that to him?" Seeing her so distraught broke Jacks heart. He pulled her tightly to him, holding her close, gently rocking her as she cried. It's ok," he whispered as he held her tightly to him "it's ok."
They stayed that way for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms, all the time him whispering soft words of comfort into her hair. After some time, she began to move in his embrace. Reluctantly he released her when he felt her slowly begin to move away. She maneuvered herself to sit beside him staying close to resting her head on his shoulder, her hand entwined in his.
Jack kissed her hair, tightening his hold on her shoulders. Sam leaned further into him, reluctant to break contact.
Some where in between comfort and grief there was a silent understanding of affection that had always been felt between them something that neither would readily admit to, until this moment.
Sam felt another kiss to her temple, and the heat of his body next to hers.
Slowly, as she raised her face to gaze into his did she see the tenderness behind his eyes, and the love deep within. Jack smiled down at her and moved his thumb to wipe the trace of a tear from the corner of her eye. As he touched her face she raised her lips to kiss the palm of his hand, sending shock waves through his body.
Their faces began to move closer, gravitating towards each other. Sam closed her eyes as the scent of him became intoxicating, helplessly drawing her into his kiss.
Their lips touched once, twice, and finally came together and held for the longest of moments. One moment became two as their kiss deepened. He pulled her further into his embrace as her arms drifted up towards his shoulders only to entwine themselves around his neck. She ran her tongue over his bottom lip begging for access into his mouth, only to have him obliged willingly, deepening their kiss, tongue's dueling. Jack broke his mouth roughly from hers to place soft kisses down her neck and throat.
"Jack," she gasped breathlessly. The sound of his name on her lips only increased his need for her. No one had ever uttered his name in quite the same way as her. This woman was his very breath, his heart and his soul, there was no point in even trying to deny it any longer he loved her.
Sam's head was spinning. She knew that Jack was a passionate man, but his tender ministrations were causing her to lose her breath and her heart along with it, but her heart was already lost to him a long time ago.
Leaning her head back, she revealed the pale skin of her throat to him, wanting him to kiss every inch of her throat. Jack kissed his way back up to her chin to capture her lips once more in a searing kiss of passion. Their lips parted for mere seconds as he rested his forehead to hers, both panting heavily. "What are we doing here Sam?" he breathed.
"I don't know, but I don't want it to end," she answered in a whisper kissing his face softly.
"If we do this," he gasped, her lips finding the skin below his chin, making him shudder. He pulled away forcefully, trying to get his head to think clear.
When he saw the hurt look in her eyes he immediately regretted his roughness. Reaching up to cup her face in his hand stopping the slow movement of her withdrawal from his body, he spoke again. " I don't want this to be a one time thing Sam," he told her honestly "I don't know if I'll be able to give you up if you decide this isn't what you want."
" I want you Jack," she told him in a whisper " I don't want to stop this, not ever."
Jack felt his heart lurch at her words and pulled her into his arms, wrapping her into his warmth.
"This is just about us Sam, no one else, just you and me."
"Just you and me," she agreed as she moved to face him again. Then with her heart bared openly to him, she uttered the words that had been on her lips so many times " I love you Jack I always have."
The grin that formed on his face made her want him more as he captured her lips in a tender kiss. Slowly as he eased her down onto the soft bed beneath them, he gazed deeply into her eyes before saying the words she longed to hear " I love you."
Their lips met once more, sealing the promise of happiness between them. For now, love was all they needed to ease the grief and pain this was their time, their own piece of eternity to share.
Elsewhere in the gate room the alarm began to sound "Unscheduled traveler"
Story Notes: AUTHORS NOTES: This one is for the wonderfully talented Clara, thank you for your support and encouragement J
Also thank you to Wendy Parkinson, if it wasn't for her I'd still be a closet writer!
FEEDBACK: Any feedbacks to me at my email address please, no flames please.
COPYRIGHT: Amanda Hawthorn November 2002
Also thank you to Wendy Parkinson, if it wasn't for her I'd still be a closet writer!
FEEDBACK: Any feedbacks to me at my email address please, no flames please.
COPYRIGHT: Amanda Hawthorn November 2002
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]