I look over at him, and watch him talk. He looks slightly bored, but then again, that's him. He's only interested if it involves his hands. Doing something. Hockey. Or if it involves his team.
He's so....something. There's something....I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's just me, being me, seeing through my eyes, but somehow...I don't think so. There's something there, hidden beneath that sharp exterior; something that he protects so viciously that it's impossible to see. Except for me. I'm still trying to figure out if that's a good or bad thing.
And he's seen me. Our eyes meet across the room.
There's a moment of tension....where we just stared, unashamedly, unabashedly. And I go to look away; the intensity of his gaze is almost too much...
And he pulls a face.
Only a small one, but it's enough to make me grin and dip my head in an attempt not to laugh. He can be such a...child sometimes. How he got to Colonel, I'll never know.
But I do know. It's because of his selfless courage. His drive. Determination. Guts. Skill as a soldier. Love for people. Love for freedom. His ability to focus on one thing, and one thing alone. His ability to smile at almost any situation. And get in trouble for it. His complete and utter devotion to his team, to his country, to his planet. His intelligence. Yes, he may act stupid, but he'd give me a run for my money if he really wanted to. His skill in command. His sheer and utter devotion to the SGC, to his team; his friends. And to me.
It's what brought us together; and it's what keeps us apart.
But that's ok.
I kinda like this limbo that we're hanging in; it give me time to think. But then again, I've been told I think too much.
I've admitted I think too much.
But that's off the point.
But maybe it is the point.
I guess I'm scared.
Scared of letting someone in....scared of letting him in. Scared of finding out exactly who he is inside and out.
But I think I'm scared he'll find out exactly who *I* am, inside and out.
I don't think I'm even ready for that.
But as I watch him again, I know that it will be ok.
Don't ask me how, I don't even know myself.
But as our eyes met, I knew.
It sounds corny, and it probably is. But that's ok.
Because it's what I live for.
What he lives for.
And it's what we'd both die for.
And we both know it.