Captain Samantha Carter
Why does he have to do this to me? I mean, why does he have to look so confused and totally sweet as I try to explain wormholes to him? He is utterly baffled and as he pauses me with a raise of the hand I can't help but smile. He's asked me the same question numerous times before. Each time I start off and he seems to follow, but then I get to the bit that is hard to simplify and he mutters something about he'll be okay with it and I nod and smile. The same happens this time, but I know that he'll ask me the same question again and I don't mind. I like trying to explain this stuff to him. I admit that it's hard and that he'll probably never fully understand the mechanics behind what I say, but sometimes, just sometimes, he surprises me with what he knows and I like that too.
Before either of us can say anymore the klaxons begin sounding, alerting us to an incoming wormhole. A nice relaxed, light moment has been ruined.
*****
Well, we know who the incoming wormhole belonged to - Henry Boyd and his team, but there's a problem (isn't there always?). This time it's the fact that this team can't get back through the wormhole. There's a blackhole close to the planet that they're on and they can't make it through the gate. The trouble is I know what's going to happen next and I have to tell the others. I have to tell them that Boyd and his team are going to be pulled apart by the increasing tidal forces. I have to tell Colonel O'Neill that the man he recommended for command is going to die on his first mission leading this team.
I saw Jack when he was telling the General that he wanted the rescue mission and I also saw Jack when his request was denied. Jack really wants to help Boyd and I have to be the one to tell him that there is no way to rescue any of them. Why is it always me who has to deliver the bad news?
I begin to explain it scientifically, but after recieving a stern look and verbal command from the General, I tell them in plain English. Those people are going to die. Simple, straight to the point and blunt. Jack has also come to that conclusion I can see it on his face, see he does surprise me.
My science mind hasn't gone far though because the next thing I know I'm suggesting we watch it. Sometimes I wish my big science brain would think. It's not that I want to watch those people die, it's that my science mind wants to watch the black hole, something that the laws of physic's say is impossible. Jack turns to me when I suggest we watch the black hole and he reminds me we're watching them die. He has such a look of disgust on his face as he tells me that and I feel instantly ashamed. I agree with him and look at him with an apologetic look on my face.
Then Simmons informs us that the Stargate won't disengage. Looks like we have no choice but to watch them die.
*****
I'm going to kill him. I am *so* going to kill him, if he's not already dead. The gate wouldn't disengage so Jack went down to pull the plug on the gate's power. I guess he did because the base was momentarily plunged into darkness before the emergency lighting came on. The wormhole began to destabilise. Sparks flew from the gate injuring Teal'c and I immediately called out to Jack.
I almost called him Jack, but caught myself before I did. I called to him again and I'm now waiting for an answer, but he's not responding. Where is he? Why isn't he answering me? What's happened to him? I look up from the computer screen to wait for his answer and time begins to slow. Yeah I know not a funny thing to joke about when there's a black hole nearby.
And he answers me. I'm so relieved. He's okay, but the base isn't - the gate still won't disengage.
*****
I run back into the control room just as Jack was going to activate the self destruct. He looks glad to see me - only in a platonic and 'you've saved me from Hell' way. I can tell that Jack is not pleased at having been left here with Cromwell. From the first moment I saw the two of them together I knew Jack did not like the Cromwell guy. Jack had said something about not counting on Cromwell rescuing us and I had been confused, but had started to explain something so had dismissed it. Then Jack really didn't want to be left here with Cromwell. I have to admit I'm curious as to why Jack dislikes this guy, not that I like him. Then again, why should I be so surprised? Jack doesn't like many people: Maybourne, Samuels, Makepeace and he seems to have something against Simmons and Martouf. Apart from Simmons and Martouf, the others have done something to earn Jack's disrespect. It makes me wonder what Cromwell's done.
I explain that we have to detonate a bomb near to the gate and Jack and Cromwell volunteer. I watch them as they climb horizontally to the gate, but because of the gravity it's only horizontal to us in the control room. I don't really look at Cromwell though. My eyes are focused on Jack and all I can think is that he may die down there. My thoughts end there, on the thought of losing him. I only ever broach this subject when one of us is close to death or in danger. Will I ever consider my feelings in the cold light of day?
Suddenly the glass surrounding us shatters a bit more sending shards of sharp glass raining down on the Colonels. I shout a warning to them, well I shout in the singular and I know who I mean. They both slip down the rope slightly from the glass and I jump in terror as I realise he may be about to fall to his death. And the worst thing is I have to watch this all in slow motion, but I can't take my eyes from them, from him. I watch as they both nearly fall, as they both hold on for their lives and as Cromwell falls. In an agonizingly long time to me, Jack catches Cromwell and he seems to have him, but then Cromwell slips away. I know that it must have only been a few seconds, if that, to Jack, but to me it was a lot longer. I'm still... scared, I guess you could call it, because Jack's still struggling to get a hand grip and make it up. He and Cromwell may not have been friends, but they knew each other and Cromwell just fell to his death, from Jack's grip. I can't imagine what he's feeling, I can't really explain what I'm feeling. It isn't just fear of losing a friend, it's a feeling of losing something more, much more.
Jack gets a hand grip and begins to climb back up. Once I know that he has armed the bomb I order Teal'c to pull him up. I run to help, struggling to get him back. Away from the bomb and back to me and then... then the bomb detonates.
*****
I'm stood, with Daniel, Teal'c and the General, around Jack's bed in the infirmary as he wakes up. The General thanks both Jack and I and then I explain what happened. I thank him when he offers me a compliment of 'good thinking', but am secretly disappointed when he doesn't actually *thank* me. Daniel tells Jack exactly how long he's been on duty and Jack announces that he's going to sleep in. I smile because Jack is okay and he didn't die. I also realised that I really don't want him to die and a small voice tells me that I should tell him.
Maybe one day.
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End
Story Notes: Thoughts - Comments: Thanks to Wendy G for suggesting an episode and causing me to reorganise the whole story :> I apologise in advance to anyone who disagrees with the way in which I have interpreted the episodes you're welcome to tell me what you thought, but no flames please. Also thanks to the Sam and Jack list because it's their dicussions that make me watch episodes in so much detail . And to Dustdevil for beta-ing this and encouraging me to continue :-) Hope you enjoy it.
Copyright (c) Elise Hudson, January 2000
Copyright (c) Elise Hudson, January 2000
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]