Major Samantha Carter
I hate it when this happens. I really do. I also hate how he can cause this reaction in me. I hate how one second everything's normal and the next they're not. How one minute he's stood on the podium giving a speech about my promotion and the next, poof he's gone.
I hate it when he does that. He gets himself into trouble easier than Daniel. If I really compare the two of them, sure they both get into trouble, but has Daniel ever had a language down-loaded into his brain? Has Daniel ever eaten a cake and aged? Has Daniel ever nearly come close to being either a Jaffa or a host? Has Daniel ever disappeared before my very eyes? Has Daniel ever conjured up these feelings in me?
In case you hadn't guessed the answer's no to all of them. Of course I get worried when things happen to Daniel, but it's not the same as when things happen to Jack.
Anyway, Jack had gone and done it again. He was stood on the podium giving a speech about my promotion and he just... disappeared. It was meant to be one of the best days of my life. My promotion from Captain to Major. One of the rare moments when someone praises me openly and rewards me for my merits. It's one of the few moments when everyone forgets my gender and praises my science background.
Of course most of the time when anything happens to Jack or Daniel it is my science background that rescues them. I rarely get a 'thank-you' or a 'job well done'. And, naturally, when I finally do get a thank-you Jack has to upstage me and be kidnapped.
I know it's not his fault, but how dare he? How dare he cause me to feel this way? I can't explain what went through my mind after his disappearance. I was instantly surprised. One second he was there and the next he was gone. Then I bcame worried and afraid, wondering where the man I... I mean, where my CO had gone.
Ever since that orb thing last year my feelings for him have changed. Well maybe they haven't changed they've just become... apparent. I remember how it felt to know that I'd killed him and the relief when he'd come back to us, to me. After that event I wanted to talk to him, to try and apologise for killing him. I couldn't.
Well, could you really apologise to your CO for killing him? Could you really try and explain feelings that you don't understand?
And then he returned and we went straight on with business. There was no pause or break to discuss what had happened to him, for me to be glad that he was safe. He had disappeared and I had felt so worried and scared and when he returns we don't even mention it. That's why I can't tell him my feelings because he so obviously does not feel anything back.
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Colonel Jack O'Neill
I hate it when this happens. I hate it when I finally get the chance to praise my junior officer and something mucks it up. Usually it's because she doesn't believe me, but this time Thor had to go and abduct me.
I was only gone a short while but by the time I came back, with news of impending doom, I couldn't really continue my speech. Yeah, I can see that.
'Everyone hold what you're doing. Forget about this negotiation thing and possible invasion I want to praise Major Carter.'
Yeah, that'd work.
Anyway, I guess I have a lot to thank Jolinar for. I know, that sounds weird but I do. It was the whole Jolinar thing that made me realise my feelings for my Major, then Captain. It's also the Jolinar thing that makes me so uncomfortable around her. That and my big mouth.
I have a tendency of opening my mouth too wide and too often. Just take the Seth thing as an example. She kills the Gou'ald and host and I make some joke. I hadn't meant it. It's just that humour is my way of coping with things it has been since Charlie. That's why I hide behind a wall of sarcasm to protect my feelings and prevent myself from getting hurt.
I also feel bad for the stuff I said in the infirmary with that Kronos guy. I pushed her into making the healing device work. Suggesting to her that I kinda doubted her and she proved me wrong. I love it when she does that! I also saw the look she shot me and I didn't like it. Why do I always put my foot in it when around her?
I can't believe she can affect me in this way. I just wish I could tell her how I felt. Hell, I'd settle for being able to thank her and tell her how much I rely on her. Because she sure hasn't figured it out.
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End
Story Notes: Thoughts - Comments: Thanks to Wendy G for suggesting an episode and causing me to reorganise the whole story :> I apologise in advance to anyone who disagrees with the way in which I have interpreted the episodes you're welcome to tell me what you thought, but no flames please. Also thanks to the Sam and Jack list because it's their dicussions that make me watch episodes in so much detail . And to Dustdevil for beta-ing this and encouraging me to continue :-) Hope you enjoy it.
Copyright (c) Elise Hudson, January 2000
Copyright (c) Elise Hudson, January 2000
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]