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Story Notes: Thoughts - email: elisemarie@cwcom.net

Season: All

Spoilers: Major spoilers for each episode titled, minor spoilers for all episodes beforehand.

Archive: This version can be archived at SJRA and Heliopolis, anyone else please ask.

Comments: Thanks to Wendy G for suggesting an episode and causing me to reorganise the whole story :> I apologise in advance to anyone who disagrees with the way in which I have interpreted the episodes you're welcome to tell me what you thought, but no flames please. Also thanks to the Sam and Jack list because it's their dicussions that make me watch episodes in so much detail . And to Dustdevil for beta-ing this and encouraging me to continue :-) Hope you enjoy it.

Copyright (c) Elise Hudson, January 2000


"Into The Fire"



Colonel Jack O'Neill



Is it just my life that sucks? And when I say sucks I mean really *sucks*. This day really could *not* get any worse. Hathor brought us here and made us each individually believe that the others were dead so that she could learn more about Gou'ald activity. Apparently we know more than her.

That's not the worst part: She wants one of us to become a host. She goes to Daniel first saying something about they could be together for eternity. Daniel says no and then Hathor turns to Sam. Sam'll be fine, she was earlier when Hathor wanted the G.D.O. code. Sam had stood there defiantly and hadn't answered. Hathor had turned to me as if it were my fault because Sam's under my command. My smile had said 'that's my girl' and Hathor had turned away in annoyance.

This time Hathor's picked up on Sam's sore subject - Jolinar. Sometimes the Jolinar thing can be useful, sometimes it can be a hindrance. Sam takes it well though declaring that she's not afraid and I try to hide a smile. Sam doesn't even look scared when Hathor describes the pain a symbiote can cause. Then Hathor turns to me.

I guess the little snake has decided and I agree. I have to. I can't let this happen to the others. Sam had enough trouble when she became a Tok'ra and they're good guys and it was only for a short time. This is a bad snake and it'd be for eternity. I can't let it happen to Daniel either. I know the pain he went through after Sha're and I know he would never want to become a Gou'ald. I guess Sha're is one of the reasons that I can't let Sam become one. I saw Daniel try and get over Sha're's blending and he's a much stronger man than me emotionally. I can't let either of them go through that pain.

I don't want to go through that pain either, which is why I grab for the snake. The female 'doctor' zats me and I collapse on the ramp. As my eyes regain clarity and the ability to focus I see Sam kneeling beside me. Her hand on my chest as she checks I'm okay and then Hathor orders us to where I'll become a host.

Sweet!



*****



I'm lying on the cryogenic freezing bed with Hathor stood next to me. I have to admit I'm feeling nervous and slightly scared. My plan didn't work. Okay so it wasn't a super plan, but it was a plan. Then Hathor tells me that I'm going to kill Sam and Daniel, or the Gou'ald within me is going to. I don't think so. I did this so that they wouldn't be hurt. I am *not* going to kill them. I don't think I could.

Hathor brings the snake closer to me and turns my head to the side. I know the others are watching this and that wasn't part of my plan either. I didn't want Sam to see me after becoming a Gou'ald or as I became a Gou'ald. I don't want her suffering by seeing me in...

God. The pain. It pierces the skin at the back of my neck and it's the most intense pain I've ever felt. Please, someone make it stop. I feel it as it begins to attach to my spinal cord. God, no! I will not let this happen. This mind is mine and no-one elses. The pain's too much and I'm beginning to lose the battle.

The brunette 'doctor' comes over to me and starts talking. The pain is so much, I almost can't hear what she's saying. I pick out the words 'Tok'ra' and 'fight', and then she moves away. Okay, I have to fight. How do I fight this thing - it's in my mind? I guess I've fought things in my mind before. I fought the feelings after Charlie died and won. I fought the feelings for Sam and, okay so that one I lost. Sam. That's the key. She'll help me fight this snake.

I feel the cold creeping over me and sleep descending on me. My last thought is 'Sam'.



*****



My eyes begin to open slowly, but my eyelids feel heavy. I think I must have over-- hang on, deja vu! I've been through this before. I'm being thawed. I wonder who it is controlling the device this time?

My eyes clear slightly and I see Sam stood above me. I'm dreaming, right? What's she doing here? I mean, she might get caught. She tells me I'm okay and that I'm not a host and then I remember I was about to become a host. She disappears from view and I can faintly hear her talking from near by. Who's she talking to? I guess it doesn't matter as long as I can either hear her or see her it's okay.

Then it goes silent. I hear Hathor's voice and little moans of pain from Sam. I am still totally out of it, but I have to help her. Summoning all of my strength I get off of the bed and stand. Hathor is stood with her back to me using the ribbon device on Sam, who's now on her knees. I stumble towards her and steady myself on the bed before grabbing Hathor from behind. With a burst of energy I throw her over the railing and into the large cryogenic tank. I stand there motionless for a long moment not really registering what I've just done. Did I really just kill someone with my bare hands? I had to - for Sam.

Sam!

I turn and see Sam lying on the floor where she fell. I move over towards her and pull her up into a sitting position. We hold onto each others arms briefly and I can see the confusion and dazed look on her face. Out of nowhere I pull her into a hug and, surprisingly, she doesn't pull away, in fact she hugs me back. I hug her tightly as if gaining strength from her. She asks me how I am and I say cold. She's giving me warmth too and I don't want to release her, for numerous reasons.

I pull away then not wanting my actions to border on improper or to act inappropriately. I look at her and then we both turn to the Tok'ra slumped against the wall across the room as she informs us where the generator is. I surprise myself because I'm still holding onto her arms, tightly. Even more surprising she's still holding onto me. Could it be...

No time for that; we have some generators to disable. We help each other to stand and head off to the gate room.



*****



I'm stood in the middle of a large field after just pretending to be a Gou'ald and after telling all of these guys that their queen is dead and I'm basically unarmed. Yeah, this seems smart! The gate starts to activate. I told Sam to detonate the bomb when the cavalry comes and even though no-one has *actually* come through the gate yet I whisper 'now'.

As if by telepathy she detonates the bomb and the shields drop. Then a small fighter pilot, type ship flies out of the gate and knocks out one of the attacking pillars.

I stand and hear Sam shout my name, well she shouts my rank, but she always calls me that so it's like my name. I turn to look at her to see what she's alerting me to. I glance up just in time to see the second attack pillar discharge it's weapon. The blast just misses me and I get thrown to the floor. Great, a face full of mud!

As I get to my knees, Sam drops down beside me to check I'm okay. We turn to see Daniel and Bra'tac walking towards us from one side and Hammond and Teal'c approaching from the ship. The General was in that ship! Looks like we've been saved, once again, and everything will return to normal.

Knowing how close to death we've both come, I want to tell Sam everything. I want to admit to her what I feel, but the time's not right. Will it ever be?



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End




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