samandjack.net

Story Notes: EMAIL: Joey@Ram32.freeserve.co.uk; CksGirl_MIA@hotmail.com

SEASON / SEQUEL: Set after Season Five. 'Meridian' has happened - Daniel sadly is absent.

SPOILERS: Small nods to 'Urgo', 'Window of Opportunity', 'The Light', 'Desperate Measures', '48 Hours', 'Meridian', 'Revelations'.

ARCHIVE: Yes to these archives only: Helio, SJA, Fic World, IB and Random Ramblings. Anywhere else, please ask me first.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Kind of different to my usual style, I know. ***'s denotes flashbacks. Any errors with grammar and spelling are my own.

DEDICATION: Thanks to Eeeeeeevil Ruthie, who's evil in such a good way, sending this right back at ya: write, FCOL! ;) Maz, for the long lunches and SG chats - the story's safe from you-know-what, I promise. Lynn, thank you and good luck with everything!


Contradicting the popular cliché, it didn't start with a kiss. If anything, it ended with one. It started with an argument, an argument that began in the relative privacy of one planet and finished rather dramatically in a rather public place on another.

The Gateroom of the SGC, to be precise.

In front of over a dozen colleagues, who then passed the news onto the rest of their colleagues so there wasn't a single person left in the dark on base. Except the security guards on the surface, who found out three hours later as two gossiping Lieutenants left.

*Everyone* heard about it eventually; rumours flying as the grapevine became more and more animated as the minutes passed and speculation on what would happen next grew.

Even General Hammond knew.

Hell, he was a witness!

The strange thing was, though, after he recovered from his initial surprise, the General hadn't seemed to mind. And that was weird. Almost scarily so. There'd been no shouting, no demands to know what was going on, no reprimand, no warning of a court marital.. Nothing.

And *that* was strange. The lack of reaction. It was unexpected and it was damned unnerving. After all, it wasn't every day the command team of the base's primary unit came through the Stargate completely caught up in a heated discussion with one another. And it wasn't every day the argument ended in an unexpected - however much anticipated by most of the SGC gossips - first *real* kiss between Colonel Jack O'Neill and his second-in-command, Major Samantha Carter.

=*=

" Receiving IDC now, Sir. It's SG-1."

" Open the Iris, Sergeant."

Making his way to the gateroom as he normally did, General Hammond waited for the wormhole to engage before he moved to stand at the base of the ramp. He stared at the luminous blue circle expectantly, waiting for his flagship team to return home, praying none of them were hurt. They'd only lost Doctor Jackson a month ago and were just starting to recover; losing another member would probably mean the end.

" Damn it, Carter, for the *last* time, you shouldn't have done it!" The Colonel stepped through, too preoccupied to spare the General one of his usual quips. Instead, his eyes blazing, he stopped halfway down the ramp, facing his 2IC and the defiant expression she wore. " It wasn't worth the risk!"

" The risks were irrelevant, Colonel!" The Major shouted back just as hotly. " Teal'c and I both agreed.."

Jack cut her off before she could finish the thought. " I don't care what you and Teal'c agreed! It wasn't worth it and that's *final*!"

" Well, I'm sorry, Sir, but I have to disagree!" She didn't sound very sorry, General Hammond thought as he continued to watch the interplay with stunned interest, his eyes widening as the conversation continued, growing in volume and intensity. " I happen to think you're worth dying for!"

" And I think you're worth living for so it looks like we've got a problem, doesn't it?" Breathing heavily, Jack's expression turned from one of frustrated anger to one of flustered surprise even as the words tumbled clumsily from his mouth.

Equally as startled, Sam started at him in horror as she realised what they'd said - and where they'd said it. She thought about glancing around to see if anyone had heard them but from the heavy silence surrounding them, she thought it was pretty obvious. Oh God. She'd seen General
Hammond out of the corner of her eye, hadn't she? When she'd first stepped through.. That meant he'd heard.. Just like everyone else.

'No big deal.' She swallowed hard, still unable to tear her eyes away from Jack's, seeing all the emotion and turmoil she was going through reflected back at her in their depths. 'Teammates care for each other, it's natural.. it's normal. Okay, so they don't actually *say* they're worth dying for.. and probably never say they're worth living for.. And if they do, it's probably better not to do it in front of an audience and then just stand there.' Willing herself to move, her cheeks growing warm under the many gazes she felt boring into her, Sam tried to break away but found she couldn't. She was frozen and so was he, and everyone around them was still silent, watching, speculating, figuring out how to put the scene into words and sentences so they could gossip about it later and tell everyone who'd missed out on being there.. The General.. Then General was just staring. 'Oh sh-'

Teal'c chose that moment to move. Brushing passed Jack, the Jaffa sent the immobilised Colonel stumbling forward. It was instinct. Whenever you start falling, you reach out to steady yourself. That was the only reason he did what he did.

That was the only reason he reached out and grabbed onto *her*.

Somehow managing to utter a quiet 'oh', Sam found herself clutching the sleeves of his jacket as his hands clasped her elbows.

Deja-vu.

They'd been in this position before. They'd.. Oh.

Now *this* was new.

'Magnets'. The word flittered briefly through his mind as he leaned forward just enough, unable to fight the draw of attraction.. Just like the magnets. And like the climax of a movie or theatre production, they kissed.

When did it go dark? Oh. It didn't. Opening her eyes, Sam gasped. Or tried to. It was hard to gasp when she was being thoroughly kissed by her CO who looked just as startled as she was.

But alas, she was kissing him back. Kissing.. in the Gateroom.. With an audience.. with witnesses.. With the General standing just a few feet away.

The General!

Abruptly, she stepped away from him, backing into the metal railing at the side of the ramp, ending the kiss and throwing them both into to confusion, not to mention reality.

Completely mortified, she missed the General finally finding his voice and welcoming them back. She missed the smile of approval on Teal'c's face and didn't feel the strong breeze that pushed Jack a little closer to her. She wasn't even aware of the noise levels in the room rising a couple of decibels. Wordlessly, paying no attention to what was going on, she handed the awaiting airman her weapon and pack, quickly and quietly making her way from the room, needing to get away.

Away from *him.*

=*=

Teal'c sat silently in the debriefing room, studying the Colonel as General Hammond finished a phone call in the privacy of his office. Instead of making some attempt at lightening the mood, Jack was fidgeting nervously with whatever he could get his hands on - a notepad, a pencil, another pencil when the first one broke, a cup of coffee, the handle underneath the seat that made the chair go up and down..

" O'Neill." When the fidgeting became too much, even for him, Teal'c spoke up. " I cannot see how breaking yet another pencil will appease the situation between yourself and Major Carter."

" There is no 'situation' between Carter and me." Looking up sharply from the notepad as the lead in his pencil broke, Jack glared at a spot just above Teal'c's head, somehow unable to bring his eyes to those of his friend. " Everything's.. fine. It will be fine. If she ever shows up.."

General Hammond chose that moment to enter the room, taking his seat before Jack had a chance to stand and acknowledge him. " That was Doctor Fraiser. Major Carter will not be joining us for the debriefing."

" Is Major Carter unwell, General Hammond?" Teal'c's concern was instantly piqued at the absence of his other teammate. In all his years working at the SGC, he hadn't known the Major to miss a debriefing without good cause.

" I don't think so, Teal'c." The General repressed a small smile as he darted a knowing look in Jack's direction as the Colonel squirmed in his chair. " I think we all know why Major Carter has chosen not to join us."

Realising that was his cue to speak up, Jack sat up in his chair and forced himself to meet the General's gaze. " Sir. I can explain what happened in the Gateroom this morning.. Well.. I can't *explain* it," he corrected himself, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants under the desk. " I didn't *plan* on it and I doubt Carter did, either.. It was a mistake and it'll never ever *ever* happen.."

" Colonel O'Neill." Raising a hand to stop the steady stream of words pouring from his subordinate's voice, General Hammond stared at him evenly. " I don't want to know the details behind what occurred in the Gateroom. I don't even want to discuss it. As long as I don't hear of any further incidents on base, we don't have a problem. Am I making myself clear?"

" Ah.. Yes?" A frown of confusion on his face, Jack gave the General a one-shouldered shrug. " Actually, no. Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

General Hammond's expression gave nothing away. " What do you think I'm saying, Colonel?"

" Oh, just that, ah, Carter.. I.. Nothing, Sir." Shaking his head, Jack felt his cheeks flood with heat. He wasn't going to continue the conversation any further; it was too embarrassing. He'd draw his own conclusions later, when he had time to think about it, and he'd just have to hope they were the right ones.

" Now that's out of the way, shall we continue with the debriefing?" General Hammond moved his gaze from Jack, finding he had to hide another smile at the amused expression Teal'c wore. " Did your mission to P6X829 prove to be an interesting one?"

" It was not, General Hammond," Teal'c answered the question when Jack remained silent, obviously contemplating what had gone on before. " In Colonel O'Neill's words, there were many trees. There were some artefact's Daniel Jackson would have been interested in were he with us but there was little sign of any alien inhabitants. Major Carter collected her samples and O'Neill ordered us to return to the Stargate once we had cleared the forest and found nothing of value."

Grinning slightly at the very brief recap, General Hammond was reminded not for the first time of why he kept Teal'c's mission reports till last. They were always the quickest to get through. " Very well. I'll expect your reports on my desk by the end of the week. That includes you, Colonel."

" Huh?" Glancing up from his doodles, Jack looked surprised, his face reddening at the smiles they wore. " I'm sorry, Sir. What did you say?"

" I said I expect all of your mission reports by the end of the week. Having said that, you're on downtime until tomorrow morning. Dismissed." Standing, General Hammond waited until Jack also stood and started to go. " Colonel?" He fought another grin as Jack stopped in his tracks, facing him with a quizzical look. " I was wondering if perhaps you would take the liberty of letting Major Carter know what she missed? And tell her when her report is due."

" Yes, Sir." Tensing at the mention of her, of having to talk to her before figuring out what he wanted to say, Jack nodded and slipped from the room.

" I will endeavour to make sure Colonel O'Neill does as you have asked, General Hammond," Teal'c spoke before he was asked to, nodding respectfully before he, too, took his leave.

General Hammond left the briefing room with a smile on his face. Although he didn't want to be fully aware of whatever went on between every person under his command, he couldn't help but be curious on what would happen - if anything - between the Colonel and the Major. He supposed he'd just have to wait, like everyone else, for the grapevine to catch up and report back.

=*=

Less than an hour later, Jack was searching the base for Major Carter, sending the grapevine into a frenzy of activity. An SF who had been waiting outside the briefing room to talk to the General had overheard what was going on and had told a friend what the General had said abou not minding what happened as long as he didn't know about it and everyone automatically assumed that meant the go-ahead for Sam and Jack. Trying to be discreet, Airmen, Lieutenants and other officers kept their eyes glued to the Colonel, tracking his progress. When he eventually found Sam, secluded in her lab, he was dismayed to find Sergeant Siler was there with her, helping her dissect what looked like a piece of expensive equipment.

" Should you being doing that?" His voice made them both jump. Siler swallowed nervously, glancing between the Colonel with the brave yet uncertain smile on his face to the Major who looked exactly like the metaphorical deer caught in headlights. " Siler, can you give us a minute?"

Siler nodded eagerly, only too pleased to leave the room as the tension levels shot up by several dozen notches. " Yes, Sir. I'll come back later, Major."

Sam's only response was a small nod as Siler left, turning her attention back to the device laying in pieces on the desk, careful not to meet Jack's searching eyes. " Is there something wrong, Colonel?"

" You know there is, Carter." Taking a tentative step closer to her, Jack forgot the close the door. His back to the hallway, he didn't see the passing officers look in as they walked by and he didn't notice the way some of them lingered, hoping to catch a snippet here and there of the
conversation going on inside. " We need to talk about what happened.."

" Why? Everyone else is doing enough talking about it." Sam couldn't stop herself from snapping at him. Sensing him move closer still, she walked around the other side of the desk, keeping some distance between them. It was only then, with the desk between them, that she met his gaze. " I'm sorry, Sir, but I have a lot of work to do."

Shaking his head, he let his hands rest against the desk, looking as casual as he could. He'd come to see her for one reason, and for one reason only - so they could talk. They had to face what had happened sooner or later and there was no time like the present. Besides, he'd done
a lot of thinking in the last hour and had realised something important: she'd kissed him back. He might have been the one to initiate the kiss - thanks to Teal'c - and although she'd been startled, she'd kissed him back, just like she had in the timeloop. That told him her feelings
weren't as much of a mystery as he first thought. It gave him confidence that he wasn't alone in feeling the way he did, no matter how much she tried to hide it behind her professionalism.

Taking a deep breath, he started speaking. " I'm either very brave or very stupid. Ah.. Wait!" He held up a hand as she once again started to protest. " Don't tell me which, I wanna be surprised." The comment had the desired effect of making her smile, making just a little of the tension radiating from her ebb away. Ploughing on, he let his eyes wandered from her face to the scattered bits and pieces on the desk in front of him. " I'm not going to let you pretend this didn't happen, Carter. Not this time. We can't do that, not when so many people were there to see it. Hell, even General Hammond.."

" Did the General say anything?" She cut in, her worried tone matching her eyes when he glanced up at her. " Are we going to..?"

" He's not bringing us up on charges or anything like that," Jack dismissed her worries with the wave of his hand. " He did, however, say that as long as nothing like this happens again *in public*, nothing further will come of it. As long as he doesn't know, he doesn't have to do
anything." Raising his hand again, he distracted her from whatever it was she was about to say. " Hear me out before you start talking about keeping it in the room, Carter, okay?"

Nodding, more than a little affronted by his behaviour but extra aware of their relationship within military ranks due to the circumstances, Sam kept her silence like any good officer and said nothing.

" The General wouldn't have to know if anything happened, Carter. No one would. It could stay between you and me, like it should have done from the start." With false bravado, he looked up and slowly made his way around the desk, standing in front of her. He wasn't used to wearing his heart on his sleeve; it wasn't something he knew how to do. Making the confession over a year ago had been painful, not to mention forced. But now there was just the two of them, no machines judging them and the words were still just as hard to say. " What I'm trying to say is that I don't want to keep.. this.. whatever it is.. in some room anymore. I think we owe it to
ourselves to deal with it."

Unable to hold her tongue anymore, Sam lowered her gaze and started playing with the machinery on her desk. She realised as she was fidgeting that she'd taken over his role but couldn't find it in her to care. " We have been dealing with it, Colonel. We've been dealing with it in the only way we can."

" No." Shaking his head, disagreeing with her, Jack reached out to still her wandering hands. " We took the easy way out, or tried to. Ignoring it won't make it go away. What happened today proved that. There is another way to deal with it, one we haven't let ourselves think was possible. We could.. We could see what we've got. Find out what's there between us. Give 'us' a chance.."

" I don't think so, Sir." Pulling her hands away from his, Sam tightened her grip on the sharp piece of machinery in her hand, well aware of it digging into her flesh but needing something to distract her from the hurricane of emotions going through her at his words. " I don't think that would be a very good idea. For us or for SG-1."

Sighing, he leaned casually against the desk again, staring at her intently. " Come on, Carter. Just think about it for a few minutes, okay? You have to admit the avoidance strategy hasn't been working so well and I know you feel the same way I do so you're going through the same thing, the same doubts.."

" How do you know I feel the same way?" Her voice was quiet but her words managed to silence him. " What if I don't want this as much as you?"

Swallowing as his confidence began to waver, Jack straightened, squaring his shoulders. " But you do.. Don't you? I mean, what happened on the planet.. You wouldn't leave me to die just as I wouldn't leave you.. You do feel the same way.. right?"

" I'm sorry, Sir." Raising her eyes to his, Sam struggled to maintain eye contact, trying to convince herself what she was doing was for the best even as she saw hurt flash through his eyes. " It was an over-reaction on my part, probably because we came so close to losing you so soon after losing Daniel.. I'm sorry, Colonel, but I can't agree to what you're suggesting. It.. It wouldn't be right and it wouldn't be fair."

Clenching his fists at his sides, Jack stood ramrod straight. Anger was quickly replacing pain. She'd given no indication before that her feelings for him had changed. Sure, she'd tried to put distance between them but he'd just assumed.. Like a fool, he'd assumed it was because she didn't trust them to be around each other, alone. He hadn't once stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, she didn't feel the same way he did, didn't feel as strongly.. " You haven't answered the question, Major." Slipping into his command tone of voice, Jack knew it was the only way he could stop himself from hurting more, if that was at all possible.

" I'm sorry, Sir," she repeated as calmly as she could. " I don't want to see if there's anything between us, with or without the General's permission."

" Fine." He spoke through gritted teeth, humiliation waging with the ever-increasing anger - anger at her, anger at himself, anger at the whole system for forcing him to wait so long. " Guess I'm just stupid after all."

Without giving her a chance to respond, he stalked out of the lab, his injured pride joining his wounded heart. The Airmen hovering around outside were treated to a dark scowl, his face like thunder as he brushed by them. Disappointed even though they now had more fuel to add to the already blazing rumour mill, those who had been waiting for something to happen separated and went to spread the word, none of them feeling particularly good about what they'd heard.

Alone in her lab, Sam sat on her stool and let the object she'd been holding drop to the desk with a clatter, ignoring the noise it made and the pain it left in her palm. She hoped she'd done the right thing, even if the situation had got away from her a little.

She was a private person, always had been. No matter what he'd said, she knew if they started anything, it would become public knowledge within a short period of time. Following the scene in the Gateroom, everyone would be watching them even closer, trying to spot something that would give them away. She wasn't used to that type of scrutiny, nor did she want to have to try and get used to it.

The matter of her privacy aside, she couldn't get her head around the fact the General had basically said it was no problem. She was an officer in the Air Force, she was used to following the rules and regulations that came with the position. Suddenly changing that, breaking them.. That was something she wasn't entirely ready for.

Groaning, she let her head drop to her hands. Why did he have to push her? Why now, why today? Why when she was still struggling to come to terms with their public display in the Gateroom? She wasn't ready to take things further, she'd panicked when he asked her to.. And so she'd hurt him in return, giving them something else they needed to fix.

=*=

It was unusual for them to have lunch off base but on the rare occasion, they made an exception to their usual routine. Doctor Janet Fraiser stared across the table at her friend as Sam picked at the salad on her plate, pushing the vegetables around but making no attempt at actually eating anything.

" Sam.. Stop it." The Doctor's tone held the stern edge Sam had come to know and dread. " If you want to, and he wants to, and everyone else wants you to.. What *is* the problem?"

A dark shadow crossed over her face. " The everyone else bit. They shouldn't have to turn a blind eye.. It should have nothing to do with anyone but the Colonel and me." Viciously spearing a lettuce leaf, Sam sighed and let her shoulders slump. " I still can't believe the General agreed to this."

" General Hammond has his reasons," Janet shrugged casually. " You didn't really think he'd have a problem with the officers under his command being happy, did you?"

" But it goes against everything I was brought up to believe, everything the Air Force told me to practise. It's going to take time for me to get used to that - if I ever can get used to it." Dropping the folk to her plate, Sam groaned and let her head drop to her hands. " How do I do this, Janet? How do I let go of all the high standards and expectations I vowed to uphold years ago?"

Janet smiled sympathetically, understanding her plight. " Is that why you said what you did? Why you told him no?"

" Yes.. No.. Partly." Shrugging, Sam looked up helplessly. " I just wanted whatever was between us to be between *us*. And I don't want to risk losing everything we have.. What if this thing doesn't work out? There's nothing to say we could still be friends if something goes wrong and I don't know if I can take that risk.."

Smiling slyly, Janet sipped her coffee to stop the smile from becoming a smirk. " If it all went wrong, you'd still have the memories. I mean, he's a good kisser, right? From what I've heard, it sounds like you both thoroughly enjoyed yourself.." Wanting to lighten the burden on her friend's shoulders, she took a leaf out of Colonel O'Neill's book and tried to inject some humour into the situation. " Come on, you have an obligation to the ladies of the SGC.. He's a really good kisser, isn't he?"

Resisting the urge to be sarcastic, Sam settled for nodding and smiling. " Oh, yeah."

Chuckling at the dreamy expression that took over Sam's face, Janet was about to say more when the beeping of Sam's pager interrupted them. She watched as her friend checked it, balking at the number she saw. " Something wrong?"

" The SGC." Shaking her head, Sam sighed heavily, pushing herself to her feet. " I better go see what they want."

" Okay." Also standing, Janet motioned to the door of the café. " I've got to get a textbook for Cassie so.. I'll see you back at base later?"

" See you then." Nodding, Sam was surprised when Janet leaned over and hugged her impulsively. Smiling her goodbyes as they parted ways, Sam headed to her car, pulling her cell phone from her pocket as she went.

Lingering outside of the café until Sam was out of sight, Janet allowed herself a deep sigh as she crossed the road to the bookshop. She knew why her friend was struggling so much to get to grips with it all and hoped Sam could overcome it soon.

Just because everyone else she'd let get close died or walked away from her, it didn't mean that it was a rule set in stone. There was nothing to say Jack would be next. Not every relationship she had would be doomed. She just had to start believing it.

=*=

In the commissary, the conversation was also focused on the Colonel and the Major and the now infamous scene in the Gateroom. Doing his best to ignore what was being said around him, Jack sat with Teal'c as Major Louis Ferretti joined them in silence, throwing a sympathetic glance in the Colonel's direction as the conversations at different tables went on regardless.

" I heard Major Carter said 'no' to the Colonel's proposal."

" *I* heard she's still pining over Doctor Jackson. Rumour has it there was something going on there.."

" Well, Captain Connor was in the infirmary when Major Carter went in for her medical and Lieutenant Bryant told me that Connor told Johnson who told her that Major Carter burst into tears and said she was going to ask for a reassignment."

" Carter wouldn't do that. She's been on the project for too long.."

"..Couldn't blame her if she did, though. After all she's been through and now this.."

" I don't see what all the fuss is about."

" You don't?"

" No. I tried the line on the girl I met last week, you know the line about thinking she's worth living for?"

" I don't think that was a line."

" Whatever. It didn't work anyway."

" It didn't?"

" No. She picked up on the word "think" and said if I wasn't sure, I should figure out what I really wanted but that she wasn't gonna stick around to find out."

" Have you heard the latest?"

" What?"

" Major Carter left this morning with Doctor Fraiser."

" So? They probably went to lunch."

" Maybe but Donald said she heard Myers say Fraiser was trying to talk Carter out of catching a flight and leaving.."

" You're saying Carter's gone?"

" And not coming back?"

" That's what I heard!"

Pushing his chair back, the metal legs scraping across the floor, Jack glared at the table of gossips he'd been listening to and stormed out of the room, all the while telling himself they weren't telling the truth, just some twisted version of it. Carter wouldn't just leave. Not without having a really good reason; the SGC meant too much to her to walk away over what was going on between them.

He got halfway down the corridor towards the elevators when the sound of his name being called broke through his thoughts.

" Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c to the briefing room. Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c to the briefing room."

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Jack started to make his way, grumbling to himself as Airmen and SF's stepped out of his path.

What could possibly have gone wrong now?

=*=

Somehow, Teal'c had managed to arrive at the briefing room before him. Frowning, Jack took his seat and started drumming his fingers on the tabletop, looking expectantly at the connection door to the General's office. It was unusual to answer a page only to find there was no one to
report to but then, unusual seemed an apt word to describe the last few days in his life.

" Please, take your seats." The General entered the room. Sitting down, glancing at his watch as he did, a frown crossed over his face. " Major Carter was paged twenty minutes ago but as it appears she's caught in traffic, we'll begin without her."

It was a standard briefing. SG-1 were going to be sent to P4X372 on a standard recon mission. The MALP telemetry had shown a breathable atmosphere, tropical palm trees and a long stretch of sandy beech. If things had been normal, if Carter had been there, Jack would have risked a glance in her direction to see if she was remember the same thing he was, the inappropriate comment Urgo had made about little bikinis.

But she wasn't there and it wasn't a normal briefing. There was a tension in the air that could only be partly explained by her absence.

After going through the material the MALP had sent back, and asking one of the technicians to take Major Carter's place and analyse what they knew, the General was prepared to bring the meeting to a close. That was until Doctor Fraiser stepped into the room, her expression confused.

" You wanted to see me, Sir?" Standing at attention, she risked a glance at the occupants of the table, her confusion growing as she caught sight of the empty seat.

" Yes, Doctor. Please take a seat." Smiling at her, General Hammond nodded, his hands folded on the desk in front of him. " I understand you and Major Carter left together for lunch?"

Janet nodded slightly. " Yes, Sir. Were we not supposed to? Major Carter said she'd asked you.."

" I gave permission for you to leave, Doctor, don't worry." Pausing, he frowned again. " What I would like to know, however, is why Major Carter failed to return to base for this meeting even though she answered the page and said she was on her way."

Opening her mouth and the closing it again, Janet matched his frown with one of her own. " I can't answer that, Sir. I was with her when the pager went off. The last time I saw her, she was on her way back to the SGC, presumably to attend this briefing."

" But she never turned up." Jack cut in, confusion and concern etched in his features. " You'd have taken the same route as Carter, wouldn't you?"

" Yes, Sir."

" So if she was caught in traffic or had car trouble, you'd have either passed her or been caught in the same traffic?"

" Yes, Sir." Janet nodded again. " But if either of those things had occurred, she would've called to let someone know. It isn't like her to ignore a page or forget to call in if something is stopping her from getting here."

" Doctor Fraiser is right," Teal'c agreed suddenly, his own concern irked. " I have not know Major Carter to be late without just cause and I have never known her not to alert someone of the situation if she was prevented from returning to the SGC."

General Hammond sighed, a sense of Déjà vu washing over him. " I have to agree with you all. This isn't like Major Carter and that disturbs me. Colonel, you and Teal'c will head over to Major Carter's house to see if she's there. Doctor Fraiser, you will go with them, just in case."

" Just in case?" Feeling cold at the implication that something could be wrong with Sam, Janet looked at him with wide eyes. " In case of what, Sir?"

" In case you're needed. Dismissed."

=*=

Silence reigned supreme in the car journey from the SGC to the house of Sam Carter. Janet, Teal'c and Jack sat in Jack's truck, with very little space between them as they drove on, each one uncomfortable. Both Jack and Teal'c were having flashbacks to the commissary, and the speculation that maybe, just maybe, Carter had skipped town. Janet, meanwhile, was trying to come up with a reason why Sam would fail to show up on base; the two main reasons, traffic and car trouble, had already been dismissed.

There was a third reason, she was sure. She just couldn't think of it.

No car blocked the space outside Carter's house or on the drive. Pulling up, Jack was out of the truck and halfway to the door before either Teal'c or Janet had a chance to react. Catching up with him as he knocked for the third time, Janet rummaged around in her purse, fishing out a set of keys before he could try opening the door in other, more forceful ways.

" These might help, Sir." She supplied helpfully, ushering him out of the way so she could reach the lock. Twisting the key until she heard the satisfying click, Janet stepped aside with a small smile. " After you, Colonel."

There was no time for thanks or even a smile in return. Something wasn't right and he knew it. Pushing the door open, Jack was the first to enter the house.

Nothing.

The first thing that struck him was that there was nothing. No sounds, no furniture, no dust, nothing. No boxes, no photos or pictures on the wall. Just nothing.

Hoping that maybe Carter was going to decorate the hall and had cleared it out so she wouldn't get paint everywhere, he continued exploring the house, his heart sinking with every step, knowing Teal'c and Janet were doing the same.

The living room was just as empty as the hall and he was starting to get that creepy feeling. It was like no one had ever lived there, let alone like anyone currently was. Again, most of the furniture was gone, with the only exception being the bookless bookshelf. All of the personal touches he'd come to associate with the Carter family - the photographs that had
belonged to Jacob Carter before Sam had inherited them along with the house - were absent. Missing, just like their owner.

Even the computers were gone and he knew they would be the last things she packed up if she going to leave.

Walking through to the kitchen, oblivious to Janet's surprised gasps and Teal'c's growing discomfort, Jack methodically searched all of the drawers and cupboards, closing them again when he found nothing of any real significance - the occasional folk or rusty tin opener was all that was left.

Again, there were no boxes or old newspapers lying around that would usually be associated with moving out. The strangest thing, however, was how clean everything was. Almost as if she'd cleaned and polished every surface before leaving.

" There's nothing here, Sir."

Starting, Jack swore as he banged his head on the open door of one of the cupboards he'd been exploring. " What?"

" There's nothing here, Sir." Janet repeated, eyeing him sympathetically as he rubbed his head. " The whole place is empty.. Even the bedroom.. All of Sam's belongings are gone."

Frowning, Jack glared at the offending door as he shut it with more force than was necessary. " Gone where?"

Swallowing, Janet glanced at Teal'c as the Jaffa entered the kitchen." I don't know, Sir. Sam didn't mention anything about moving out.. Maybe she's redecorating and forgot to say something.."

" Redecorating the whole house in one go?" The disbelief in his eyes said it all. " Teal'c, you find anything in the basement?"

" I did not." Solemnly, Teal'c met Jack's gaze evenly. " All of Major Carter's belongings are gone, including her car.."

" No cans of paint or brushes lying around?"

" Not that I saw, O'Neill."

" Right." Nodding, Jack turned slowly. He lashed out with his foot and kicked at one of the lower cupboards, the wood splintering under the pressure, the noise that accompanied it pleasing to Jack though making Janet jump and Teal'c throw a concerned glance in his direction." There should be something," he muttered, talking mostly to himself. " A note or some sign.. This isn't like Carter."

" Sir?"

" Carter's not the type to run away from her problems." Acting as though he didn't hear her, Jack slowly faced them. " Doc, did Carter say anything to you that might explain what's going on here?"

Exchanging another glance with Teal'c, Janet hesitated before she answered. " The last conversation Sam and I had was about.. Well.. you, Sir. And what happened.. in the Gateroom.. She made no mention of redecorating, or moving out or leaving Colorado.. She said she'd see me
back at base and I don't think she was lying to me. I can't explain why her house is like this.. And I can't say where she is because I honestly don't know."

Silence fell over them. Part of Jack was curious, wanting to know what Carter had been saying but the other, bigger part was getting more and more anxious as the minutes went by.

" Okay. Doc, call Hammond and let him know what's going on. Then call a cab and had back to base with Teal'c." Rummaging in his pocket for his keys, Jack started to leave the kitchen - and the house.

" Are you not returning with us, O'Neill? Should we not alert the police..?" Following him, Teal'c looked on in obvious concern. " We should look for Major Carter.."

That stopped him. " What if she doesn't want to be found?" Half turning, Jack shoved his hands into his pockets, staring at the wall. " The cops won't do anything.. They can't do anything, there's no proof.." Swallowing hard, he started towards the door again. " I'll catch up with you later."

As the door closed behind him, Janet joined Teal'c in the hall. " Did he say where he was going?"

" He did not."

Sighing, Janet nodded as though she'd been expecting that answer and reached into her purse, pulling out her cell phone. " Well, wherever he's going," she spoke as she started dialling. " I hope he finds her."

" As do I." With something that was as near to a sigh as he got, Teal'c glanced around a the bare walls and empty space one more time before following her lead and leaving the house.

Wherever Samantha Carter was, whatever her reasons for leaving were, Teal'c hoped the Colonel would find her and bring her back soon. As a member of SG-1, he knew how important she was to the team. As a friend, though, he knew how important she was to him and, as with Daniel Jackson, he didn't want her to leave his life until he had a chance to say thank you, and goodbye.

=*=

Night had fallen and there was still no word from Sam. Restless and helpless, Jack drove around in circles, troubled at the turn of events, unable to make sense of it all. In a matter of days, life as he knew it had been turned upside down. Not only had he and Carter kissed *in
public*, he'd humiliated himself by assuming she felt the same way he did and, on top of that, he was seemingly responsible for scaring her away.

All of the evidence pointed to her leaving willingly, running away but.. it didn't sit right with him. For starters, she'd gone AWOL. General Hammond hadn't heard from her - not even an emailed resignation had arrived in her place at the SGC. Then there was the unsettling lack of any warning; she hadn't said goodbye, not even to Cassandra or Janet or Teal'c.. Or him. She hadn't left a note for any of them, or for her father. And her house was empty, lifeless. That level of clearance would have taken weeks to plan and days to execute.. Doc Fraiser had told them she'd been round to Carter's house the night before and everything had still been in place.

Preoccupied with his thoughts, worried at the direction they'd taken, Jack didn't realise where he was until he'd parked his truth and was already walking towards the house.

Carter - Sam's - house.

Sighing to himself, he stood in front of the door, staring at it, willing her to open it and reveal everything had been a figment of his over-active imagination and nothing more.

The door stayed closed. The nightmare remained a reality.

Reaching his hand out, Jack clasped the door handle. Pushing it down, he was surprised when the door opened easily - too easily - having already been unlocked.

His brow furrowing, he took his gun from the holster at his waist, relieved to have it with him. Cautiously, pushing the door open fully with his foot, Jack entered the house with small, measured steps.

A floorboard creaked beneath his foot and the noise sent his heart racing. Ever so slowly, he made his way along the hallway, checking the rooms he passed on the way. Hearing a noise from the direction of the kitchen, Jack tightened his grip on the gun and headed for it.

When he stood on the threshold into the kitchen, he scanned each of the room's corners in turn. Nothing, nothing, noth- oh.

" Hello, Jack."

Raising his hands, Jack narrowed his eyes as he pointed his gun at the intruder. " Maybourne. What the hell are you doing here?"

" Waiting for you." Leaning casually against the bench, Colonel Harry Maybourne smiled a humourless smile. " You took your time, I was expecting you earlier."

Keeping his arms tensed, Jack moved closer, unwilling to let his guard slip even a little. " What do you want? Where's Carter?"

" Major Carter is the reason I'm here." Straightening, Maybourne unfolded his arms from across his chest, taking a step closer to the Colonel with the gun, confident he had nothing to fear. Not when he had something the other man wanted. " There's something I need to show you but we'll need to go there by car." Cocking his head to the side, he grinned slyly. " I'll even let you drive."

" What makes you think I'll go anywhere with you?"

" You want to find Major Carter, don't you?" The mock-innocent taunt was enough to get to him and Maybourne knew it.

" No tricks, Maybourne. No tricks or lies or I swear to God, I'll shoot you." With the gun still trained on the double agent, Jack motioned to the door he'd come through. " After you."

Staying silent, Harry's only answer was a grin. He nodded, mostly to himself, and started moving out of the kitchen. His grin widened slightly as Jack warned him again not to try anything. He wasn't going to try anything, not this time. Not until he'd done what he'd risked his own life to do.

Once settled in the truck, gun still in hand, Jack turned to Maybourne, his eyes ablaze with suspicion. " Okay, Harry. What's going on?"

" Major Carter is missing," the answer was accompanied by a simple shrug. " I'm here to help you find her. Again."

" That's it?" Disbelief showed in his expression.

" What else do you want me to say? Want me to say you're careless for losing her *again*?"

Rolling his eyes, exasperation joining frustration. Jack slipped the gun into the side pocket of his door, turning the key in the ignition. " Where are we going?"

" Take a left at the corner ahead and keep going till you get to the intersection. I'll tell you where to go from there." Relaxing in his seat, Maybourne stared out of the window at the passing scenery, trying to keep his mask of indifference in place.

Following his directions, Jack drove on in silence. His frustration ebbed into confusion as they pulled off the main road and onto a dirt track. Raising an eyebrow but saying nothing, Jack let the truck come to a gradual halt as they reached their destination.

A junkyard.

A deserted junkyard, piled high with rusty, abandoned and damaged vehicles. Car parts were scattered everywhere. The one fence surrounding the yard was just as rusty as half of the cars and the gate was lying at an awkward angle, the hinges broken and useless.

" Maybourne.. What.. Hey!" Before he could finish the question, Harry was out of the truck, walking into the yard. Scrambling out of the truck after him, Jack barely remembered to grab his gun - and the keys. " Where do you think you're.."

Maybourne had vanished behind a pile of cars.

" Harry?"

" Over here." Peering around the paintless, windowless wreck of a once attractive sports car, Maybourne motioned him closer. " It's here, Jack."

Grumbling, Jack secured the gun in his holster and clamoured over the bits and pieces that were scattered along his path. " What are we here for, Maybourne? Carter's probably gone to visit her brother and forgot to mention.."

" You think she forgot her car, too?" Maybourne stood aside as Jack rounded the corner. " Stop grasping at straws, Jack. You know there's more to Major Carter's disappearance than meets the eye."

Swallowing, Jack moved closer, inspecting the car. Familiar license plate, 1961 vintage Volvo, classic car that had been well looked after before.. Yep, definitely Carter's. Last time he'd seen it, though, there'd been no scratches to the paintwork, no dints to the doors.. The windows had been intact, too. Not splintered and cracked. Last time he'd seen it, the car had been in one piece, not on the verge of falling apart.

Peering through the broken window, Jack was silenced at what he saw. Not only were there shards of glass covering the seats in both the back and the front but the window on the drivers side was tinged with red.

Blood red. The same red that stained the used airbag.

" Maybourne, what the.." Turning away from the car, Jack stopped mid-sentence. " Maybourne? Where the hell are you?"

His calls got no response. After spending another ten minutes looking around, Jack started to feel weird, being alone in a junkyard late at night.. Heading back to his truck, he reached into his jacket pocket for his cell phone. As much as he knew the General hated being woken up, this was important.

He couldn't run the risk of the evidence not being there in the morning. Just in case it was removed and disposed of, just like the rest of Carter's belongings.

Not to mention Carter herself.

=*=

For the countless time, Jack shifted uncomfortably on the bed. They all sat in tense silence, waiting for some news. Since alerting Hammond, the remains of Carter's car had been removed from the junkyard and taken to a secure location where a team of qualified forensic experts were searching for clues. The General had decided against waking the others, ordering Jack to get some sleep but as soon as 0900 hours came around, Jack, Teal'c and Janet gathered in the infirmary for an informal debriefing.

" They'll find something." Not for the first time, Janet started pacing the length of the room, trying to convince herself her words were true. " Then we can look for her and find her and.."

" What if she's..?" His voice trailed off as Jack realised what he had been about to say. Pushing himself off the bed, he headed for the door. " I can't sit around and do nothing.."

" What else can we do, O'Neill" Teal'c sat on one of the empty beds, his back straight as he met the Colonel's gaze evenly. " Until the forensic team contacts General Hammond, there is little we can do to locate Major Carter."

A deep sigh escaped his lips as his shoulders slumped and Jack leaned heavily against the wall. " I know but we can't do nothing. We need to know if she's alive or if she's.."

" Hold that thought, Colonel." General Hammond strode into the infirmary, his expression grim but his eyes held a glimmer of hope. " I just got off the phone with Doctor Nadia Lake, the forensic specialist in command of the team inspecting Major Carter's car. There's good news, and there's bad news." Pausing, the General glanced around the infirmary, checking there was no one else to listen in on the conversation. Seeing no one, he continued. " The good news is they think Major Carter survived the.. accident. Her blood was found in the vehicle although not enough to make them think she was seriously injured. There were also signs of a struggle, proving she was well enough to fight her assailants."

" Assailants?"

Nodding, the General looked grave. " That's the bad news. It doesn't look like it was an accident. Her car was deliberately run off the road.. and she was abducted from inside it, probably before it was dumped at the junkyard Colonel Maybourne led you to, Jack."

" Who would kidnap Major Carter?" Teal'c wondered aloud, his brow furrowing.

Shrugging, Jack shoved his hands in his pockets. His eyes narrowed. " If Maybourne knew where to find her car, I'm guessing the guys from the NID had something to do with it."

" What would they want with Sam?" Worriedly, Janet looked from one face to the other. " Last time we thought it was the NID, it was Adrian Conrad. Maybe it's someone else.."

" Another millionaire determined to put a snake in his own head? I don't think so." Shaking his head, Jack sighed again. " It'll be the NID. Remember how determined they were to get their hands on Teal'c? They probably want Carter for the same reasons, because of the Tok'ra thing.
Because of Jolinar."

" I agree with you, Colonel, but we have no evidence the NID are responsible for this. Certainly not enough to go to the President.." General Hammond stopped as Jack threw a frustrated glare in his direction, sympathising enough with the other man to bite back his natural reaction and overlook the act of insubordination. " There is nothing we can do, Colonel. Not without more proof. Officially, anyway.."

Tension draining from him, Jack nodded in agreement, knowing the General was right. " Officially, we can't do anything.. Unofficially, though.." His eyes lit up with an idea and he started moving, his expression more animated than it had been in days - since the incident in the Gateroom he was doing his best not to think about. " Request for downtime for SG-1, Sir?"

" Permission granted." General Hammond allowed a small smile and the spark of enthusiasm in the Colonel's eyes. " Good luck, Son. Off-the-record, of course."

" Yes, Sir." Giving him a small grin in return, one that faded quickly as the seriousness of the situation sunk in again, Jack motioned to Teal'c. " Teal'c, you're with me. See ya, Doc."

Exchanging a look with Janet, Teal'c followed the Colonel out of the infirmary, keeping silent as they walked down the corridors and into the elevator. He stared at his CO, almost seeing the wheels turn inside Jack's head as he came up with a plan, biding his silence, confident all would be explained when necessary.

=*=

The explanation - and payoff - came less than an hour after Jack had placed a message for "Hutch" on the Internet. Checking intermittently every five minutes as they unsuccessfully tried to distract themselves with a game of chess, Teal'c walked over to the computer, pressed
'refresh' and waited for the page to reload.

" O'Neill." Straightening, Teal'c glanced at the doorway into the kitchen as Jack appeared, an unopened bottle of beer in his hand. " It seems your plan has been successful. Colonel Maybourne has responded."

" Not just a pretty face, am I?" The Colonel quipped lightly, hearing a note of surprise in the Jaffa's voice. Setting the forgotten beer down, he walked to the computer, leaning down to peer at the screen. " Let's see what Hutch has to say.."

Scanning the message, Jack frowned thoughtfully. 'Same place as last time. Promise not to stab you in the back.' Same place as last time.. The last time they'd met had been in Carter's house. That bit was clear. It was the promise that both confused and concerned him.

" It is wise to trust Colonel Maybourne?" Teal'c asked the question that was playing on his mind as they drove the relatively short distance between Jack's house to Sam's. " He has betrayed us before."

" We don't have much of a choice, Teal'c." As unhappy with the idea as Teal'c as, Jack gave a one-shouldered shrug. " He's helped us find Carter before. Even if he did disappear afterwards." Risking a glance at Teal'c, he smiled tightly. " He helped us figure out how to save you when you were stuck in the Stargate, too."

The slight tilting of his head was Teal'c's only acknowledgement of the fact. They continued on in silence, both hoping, both fighting their doubts.

" Maybourne! Hey! Harry!" Calling out as he walked through the house, leaving Teal'c to close the door behind them, Jack frowned deeply, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up on end as the beginnings of anger coursed through him. " Maybourne!"

" I do not believe he is here, O'Neill." Teal'c didn't react as the Colonel shot him a glance for stating the obvious. " However, I do not believe he has purposely deceived us."

An eyebrow shooting up in surprise, Jack stopped searching the deserted house. " What makes you think that?"

His eyes searching the dimly lit room, Teal'c paused for a while. " Perhaps there is something here that can help us. Something Colonel Maybourne left so we could find it."

" Maybe." Squinting, wishing there was someway to get more light into the house, Jack allowed a small sigh to escape his lips. " But where would he leave whatever it is?" 'If anything,' the cynical voice at the back of his head added.

For an hour, they searched the house from top to bottom. Because of the lack of furniture, Jack thought looking for a hiding place would be easy. He was wrong. There were more loose floorboards and nooks and crannies than he could have imagined. Looking in all of these, however, proved to be unsuccessful.

Nothing. There was nothing there, nothing to be found. Even with Jack and Teal'c checking everywhere twice, they found nothing.

" Where haven't we looked yet?" Stretching, wincing when his back protested, Jack put his hands on his hips as he surveyed the living room with a critical eye. " We've checked the bedroom, the dining room, the bathroom, the basement, in here.."

" We have yet to check the kitchen area, O'Neill.."

" Kitchen. Right." Mentally kicking himself, Jack hurried through to the aforementioned room. " Makes sense for it to be here. This is where I found Maybourne.. Who knows how long he'd been here? He could've easily planted something.."

Teal'c silently joined him, standing in the doorway, watching as Jack stood in the centre of the room, turning around in a slow circle. " Perhaps there was a clue in his reply."

" Yeah. A clue." Narrowing his eyes in concentration, Jack tried to remember what the message had said. " Same place as last time," he mumbled. " That's where we are. Carter's house, in the kitchen."

'Promise not to stab you in the back.'

'..Stab you in the back..'

'..Stab..'

" Stab!" His eyes, which had closed as he thought about it, flew open. " Stabbing us in the back.. Knife! Knife drawer!"

Silence was Teal'c's only response as Jack quickly crossed the room and started pulling open all of the drawers, frustrated when more than one of them was revealed to be fake and for decoration purposes only.

" Yes." Finally, he found something. Taped on the bottom of one of the drawers was a small, square object. Ripping it free, he saw it was a CD case. Grinning triumphantly, he held it up for Teal'c to see. " Found it."

Staring at the disk when Jack opened the case, Teal'c's expression remained noncommittal although he hoped they'd found the answers they needed. Jack swallowed, his vision blurring as he stared at the disk intensely.

'Please let this be it.'

=*=

Nervous was too mild a word to describe how he was feeling. Slipping the disk into the computer, Jack waited to see if something was going to happen, well aware of Teal'c watching over his shoulder.

The computer hummed as it read the CD, processing the information, trying to make sense of it. The screen flickers and then a yellow screen appeared, bolding typing appearing after a few seconds, looking as though someone was writing it as they were reading.

'Hello Jack.. Look up projects with level six clearance.. The answers.. are here.'

The screen changed after a minute, changing into an index of sorts, with hundreds of file names and extensions popping up on the screen. Randomly clicking on some of them, Jack was dismayed to find some were encoded, that he needed a password to access them.

Others, however, opened easily. The knot in the pit of his stomach tightened and grew as he scanned them, half-wishing he hadn't been able to open them. Words jumped out at him, making him feel sick as his mind processed them and their meaning.

'Experiments'. 'Host.' 'Ex-host.' 'Implantation.' 'Symbiote.' 'Extraction.'

'Termination.'

The projects that needed level six security clearance were experiments. Experiments the NID would love to do on an ex-host.

Carter was that ex-host.

Looking through the information, Jack felt his stomach churn. Whoever had devised these projects had no consideration or compassion for their subject - in this case, for Carter.

Almost all of them resulted in pain or injury to her.

Too many of them would result in death.

=*=

Leaving Teal'c at the SGC to explain their findings to Janet – and, unofficially, General Hammond – Jack excused himself and went for a drive. They knew who had her, they possibly knew what would be happening to her but they were no closer to finding her.

Going through all of the files they could open hadn't helped them locate her. There were no addresses, no mention of any labs or facilities under NID command in the Colorado area or otherwise. They were back at square one, only now they had to deal with knowing what Sam was going through and their own inadequacy to help.

The park wasn't too busy. Most adults were at work, most children were at school. Kicking at the ground as he walked, Jack couldn't get his mind away from the harrowing mental images his imagination was creating. All of Sam, strapped down, struggling, shouting for help, needles and drugs going into her, test after test being performed, breaking her, destroying her, killing her..

" Nice day for a walk in the park, isn't it?" Maybourne's voice should have startled him but for some reason, he was half expecting it.

" Are you spying on me, Maybourne?" Without breaking his stride, Jack glanced at the spook through his sunglasses.

Harry grinned. " Maybe you're getting predictable." The humour faded. " I don't know as much as you think I know, Jack. I don't have much to do the with NID anymore."

" You knew enough to take me to Carter's car and leave that disk in her house for me to find." As casually as he could, Jack shrugged. " What do you know, Maybourne? Where's she being held?"

Coughing, glancing around warily, Maybourne put a hand into his pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. Slipping it as discreetly as he could into Jack's palm, Maybourne stepped away. " You're running out of time, Jack."

" How can you say that if you're not involved with what's happening to her?" Suspicion flared in his eyes as Jack pocketed the note.

" Simple." Taking another step away, Harry continued to look around, appearing uneasy at being in such an open, public place. He met Jack's gaze, however, as he spoke, his tone as cryptic as his words. " When flowers are kept in shade, they eventually die."

" You're calling Carter a flower? She'd be touched." Relying on his faithful friend sarcasm, Jack couldn't stop his eyes from narrowing as Maybourne kept edging away. " Why are you doing this, Harry? What's in it for you?"

" Nothing.." A wry smile curled up his lips as he put more and more distance between them. " There might be a time.. at some point in the future.. when I need your help.. It's always easier to ask people for favours when they owe you something."

" Right." Glancing down at the folded piece of paper, Jack opened it and read it, relief and anticipation flooding through him at finding a hastily scrawled address. When he looked up, Maybourne was gone.

=*=

Locating the safe house was easy enough. Getting the supplies they'd need was a little harder but only because Jack couldn't tell the General outright what was going on so he couldn't officially get permission to take some zats from the armoury and off-base. He managed, however, to get the guards to believe he had permission – having Teal'c as backup when he tried to get them off base did help.

There was only one thing Jack wasn't one hundred percent happy with as they pulled up a small distance from the safe house and exited the van they'd rented. Closing the door quietly, he frowned as the members of his team joined him.

" Okay. Teal'c, you're coming inside with me. Doc.. You just stay here and keep out of sight." Holding a radio out to Janet, he frowned when she refused to take it. " Doc?"

" I'm going in with you, Colonel. Whether you like it or not." Her eyes as hard as steel, Janet folded her arms across her chest. " We don't know what state she's going to be in, whether she'll be hooked up to any machines.. You need me, Colonel. *Sam* needs me."

" Fine." Grudgingly, Jack agreed. " But you stay in the background. No heroics, no getting yourself shot. You're the only Doctor we've got and if you're right, Carter might need you."

A dazzling smile passed over her face as she took the radio and secured it before accepting the zat Teal'c offered her. " Yes, Sir."

" Okay, we're going in blind, people. We have little to no intelligence on this place or on how many people are inside." Glancing at the building – one that appeared to be an abandoned warehouse on first viewing. " Hopefully, because of the clearance level needed and because this place seems to be a secret even to half of the NID, not to mention the guys at the Pentagon, there won't be too much resistance."

" Shouldn't there be more resistance because of the level six thing?" Janet questioned as she got herself ready.

" If it was an official operation, sure." Jack shrugged as he checked his gun was loaded. " There are two parts to the NID. One that runs the official operations and goes through the proper procedures and the Pentagon and gets its funding from the government. The other runs the
privately funded operations.. The sneaky, underhand, illegal projects like this one. To avoid drawing unwanted attention, it makes sense to have few people involved as possible and that, hopefully, will help us get in, get Carter and get out of here."

Convinced but still on edge, Janet nodded and traded a glance with Teal'c. " Okay. So what do we do?"

Looking at her in a way that made her wonder if she'd suddenly sprouted an extra head, Jack answered slowly. " We get in, find Carter and get out. Don't worry about it, Doc. I know you're capable of helping out but for this mission, you are here solely in the medical capacity. You and Teal'c will go one way, I'll go the other. We'll keep in radio contact and whoever finds Carter first gets her out of there. Understood?"

" It is, O'Neill." Teal'c answered for both of them, nodding once in response of Janet's silent question.

The doctor nodded also, biting down on her anger at being reduced to the sideline. She told herself it was because the Colonel was already wound up and under a lot of pressure. It wasn't her abilities as a Doctor and officer in question; it was his ability as Sam's CO and friend, and his need not to fail her that was under the spotlight.

Without further questions and without any more delays, the three of them started for the warehouse. Teal'c zatted the security cameras they passed, confusing the system. Immediately on entering the building, they found appearances were indeed deceptive. Although the warehouse looked old and abandoned on the outside, on the inside it was clean and modern – it wasn't just one big open room, they immediately found themselves into a corridor and could see at least four doors going off it, two in each direction.

The eerie thing was that there were no guards. Glancing around, Jack motioned to Janet and Teal'c to take the two doors on the left, and started hading right.

To his disappointment, the first room he chose wasn't the one Sam was in. There were a few people in white coats discussing something and peering into a microscope. One of them looked up when he opened the door but before either of them could yell for help, they were slumped unconscious on the floor.

Securing the door behind him, Jack crossed over to where they'd been standing, glancing at the vials of blood that were neatly stacked beside the microscope. All were labelled in the same way: surname, initial, experiment umber. All of them, he noted with sickening realisation, bore
the name 'Carter, S'.

Taking hold of all three of them, he secured them in a small container and slipped them into his pocket, hoping Doc could make use of them to help Carter if the worst came to the worst.

Quickly glancing around, he moved quietly towards the door, checking the corridor was clear before he stepped out into it. Teal'c and Janet were no longer in sight, having disappeared into one of the other rooms.

Taking a deep breath, he headed for his second room, hoping that this was it, that he'd find her.

He was disappointed to find that asides from a computer, desk and filing cabinet, the room was empty.

There was no one there.

=*=

" Doctor Fraiser, we must check the other room and meet Colonel O'Neill at the entrance." Teal'c repeated, standing at the door, glancing down at the four unconscious people on the floor – two doctors and two armed guards. " If Major Carter is here, we must find her."

" We will and she is here, I'm sure." Janet's reply was distracted as she leafed through a folder, her eyes widening in places as she scanned page after page. " I'm taking this with me," she announced as she finally turned to Teal'c, tucking the file under her jacket. " It's a record of everything they've done to her, and her reaction to certain tests. It might help.."

" Very well." Teal'c nodded and motioned for her to leave the room. He watched as she tightened her grip on the zat and stepped out into the empty corridor.

In silence, they walked from room one to room two, freezing as they heard muffled voices coming from inside.

" They'll be here soon. We have to go.."

" And leave the subject? *Months* of planning will go to waste! I'm not leaving without her!"

" But we have orders to clear out! They're not supposed to.."

" Screw the orders! Do you know how close we are to getting her to tell us?"

" Do you know how much trouble we'll be in if they find us? It makes sense. Leave her here for them to find and they'll stop looking. We'll get another chance one day but for now.."

The conversation stopped. Teal'c and Janet stared at each other for a few seconds before Teal'c opened the door, peering into the room.

A cold breeze hit them. There was another door, leading outside, at the far end of the room and it had been left open. The people they'd been listening to had made their escape.

The room they were in was bigger than the others, one that was set up like a lab with dozens of machines on workbenches, a lot of them beeping. Near the middle of the room was a curtained area. Cautiously, they moved closer, zats at the ready.

Whipping back the curtain, they found no one there who could or would hurt them. The only person in the secluded area was Sam, and she was unconscious, strapped to a bed, surrounded by beeping monitors, an IV drip going in the back of one hand.

" Oh, God." Janet immediately went to work, unfastening the straps, keeping Sam immobilised, wincing at the angry red marks on her wrists, ankles and neck. Peering at the bag on the IV, she frowned. " It's a sedative. Explains why she's unconscious." Leaning over Sam, she opened
one of Sam's eyes, reaching for a penlight from the small table beside her, shining it in the unconscious woman's eyes. " Pupils are reacting normally. If we can get her off these drugs, she should come around."

" Can we remove her to the SGC?" The first signs of concern crept into Teal'c's voice and eyes as he stared at his pale, unmoving friend as the Doctor removed the IV. " Is it safe?"

" As far as I can see, yes." Janet stood back, her hand resting on Sam's arm. " You'll have to carry her. I want her back in the infirmary as soon as possible so I can monitor her vitals."

Teal'c nodded and moved closer, preparing to pick Sam up. Effortlessly scooping her into his arms, concerned at how light she felt, he looked to Janet. " Inform Colonel O'Neill we have found her and are heading to the vehicle."

Following him, having to walk quickly to match his long strides, Janet reached for her radio. " Colonel, come in."

" I read you, Doc."

" We've got Sam. We're heading outside now."

There was a small pause and Janet wondered if he'd heard her. She wasn't left wondering for long, however, as he joined them in the corridor, near the doors leading outside.

Taking one look at Sam, Jack's face paled and he quickened his pace, ushering them away from the building. " Is she gonna be okay, Doc?"

Seeing the hope in his eyes, Janet swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to give him what she prayed was a reassuring smile. " I hope so, Sir."

As quickly as they could, they got Sam settled in the back of the van. Janet stayed with her as Jack and Teal'c got into the front and started driving away, as quickly as they could, back to the safety of the SGC, the mood one of subdued dread and hope, rather than relief at having found her.

=*=

They were stood crowded around the bed, discussing her condition when Sam eventually woke up. General Hammond was asking questions in hushed tones and Janet was doing her best to answer them, using the knowledge she'd gathered from Sam's file, the vials of blood Colonel O'Neill had taken and her own tests.

" She's dehydrated and suffering from malnutrition which is why I have her on a drip. I don't want to give her any more drugs because of everything that's already been pumped into her system. Her vitals are getting stronger and I expect her to wake up at some point in the next twelve hours. The potential problems, Sirs, are only going to make themselves known when she wakes up. I don't know what effect all of the drugs she's been given are going to have on her conscious mind. The file I took lists her body's reaction as they were administered but there's little reference to possible long-term effects."

" Have you any idea of the worst case scenario, Doctor?"

Janet looked down, her eyes stinging. " Worst case scenario, Sir, Major Carter's brain could have been irreversibly damaged. She could have problems with her memory or motor functions.. The experiments detailed on the disk Colonel O'Neill discovered involve some techniques in trying to access her memories of the Tok'ra Jolinar." Raising her eyes, Janet chewed on her bottom lip. " That's one reason I think Major Carter was given so many drugs."

" Just one of the reasons? Are there more?" General Hammond glanced fleetingly at Sam, and at her teammates who stood firmly rooted to her side. " Doctor?"

" They wanted Major Carter because she's an ex-host. Jolinar's memories are just one valuable aspect she retained due to the blending. She has a protein marker that has saved the day on more than one occasion. She has the abilities of the Goa'uld, she can sense them. She's the only living person on Earth who survived being a host. That aside," Janet took a deep breath and continued. " The abilities a host gains because of joining with a symbiote are amazing. The ability to heal injuries, immunity to certain diseases.. The scientists working on Sam were trying to make a vaccine against all of the illnesses a symbiote protects against by using the
protein marker in Sam's blood."

" But she's not immune to all those things anymore. The protein marker isn't a symbiote," Jack interjected, looking up from his place at Sam's side.

Nodding, Janet clasped the folder to her chest. " But she did, once, hold the immunity to it. The files show they didn't hold much confidence in finding a cure in Sam as she is now. That's where a symbiote would come in."

" What?"

" From the records I've looked at, it seems they hadn't decided which final test to perform. One involved doing what Conrad wanted to do, killing her and finding out how to remove a symbiote without harming the host. The other.. The other involved weakening her and implanting her with a symbiote, so they could get their answers by experimenting on a real Goa'uld." Janet swallowed again, hugging the file closer. " She's lucky. If we hadn't got to her, there's a chance they'd be using her to figure out how to kill the Goa'uld inside."

" Colonel, any indication on why there were so few people guarding Major Carter?" The General broke the silence that descended over them, trying to take their finds off the horrors that he knew were running through their imaginations. " It seems unusual for the NID to give up so easily."

Shrugging, Jack ran a hand over his weary face. " Not really, Sir. Maybourne seems to have disappeared. Teal'c and Doc overheard a conversation at the safe house. Sounds like they were given a warning we were going to turn up and wanted to try and hide their secret by giving us
Carter and hoping we'd forget."

" Are we going to forget?" Janet wondered aloud, looking curiously between the Colonel and the General, wondering what they were thinking. Just because Sam was back, it didn't mean it was over. It didn't mean everything was going to be all right, and safe, because she made it home.

" For now," Jack was the one to answer after a long pause. " Until Carter's back on her feet at least. What the NID do is no business of ours.."

" Until they make it our business by taking her again." The quiet muttering was heard only by General Hammond. He put a supportive hand on her arm.

Watching Sam closely, Teal'c was the one who noticed some movement. He leaned in closer as her eyelids fluttered and her fingers moved a little. " Doctor Fraiser. I believe she is waking."

" Good." Quickly moving to stand beside Sam, Janet smiled brightly as the Major opened her eyes. " Hi Sam. It's okay, you're in the infirmary." She covered Sam's hand with her own. " How you feeling?"

On her first attempt at speaking, all that got passed Sam's lips was a dry cough. After Janet helped her sip some water, she tried again. " Tired.. confused.. How'd I get here?"

" We came for you," Janet murmured, shooting a quick glance at the others to tell them to keep their distance. " Can you remember what happened? Where you were taken?"

Frowning, trying to remember, Sam shook her head as much as she could without causing her headache to grow. What little she did remember was confusing, almost as if hazy clouds hid the memories and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get all the way through it. " There was a symbiote." Her eyes wide, Sam's brow furrowed as she concentrated on the snippet of memory. " Someone was talking to me.. He said they'd let it take me as a host if I didn't tell them.. If I didn't tell them.." Panic joined the fear in her eyes as she gripped Janet's hand. " I can't
remember what they wanted to know.. I.. He was familiar.. the guy.. I can't remember.. Why can't I remember?"

" Shh, it's okay." Smiling reassuringly, Janet tried to calm her patient. " They gave you a lot of drugs. When they're out of your system, you should be able to remember. It might take a few days.."

" What if I don't?"

Fortunately, Janet was saved from answering the question. As she paused, searching for an answer, Sam slipped back into slumber. Checking the monitors, Janet fussed over her for a few moments, taking the time to compose herself.

" Doctor? Is she going to be okay?" General Hammond spoke, reminding her of their presence.

Straightening, the Doctor faced him with serious eyes and a noncommittal expression. " Physically, she will recover in a matter of days. Everything else is going to take time."

" How much time?"

" I don't know, Sir." Her eyes fixed on the Colonel, empathy shining in their depths. " It depends on how much she remembers. On how much she wants to remember."

=*=

Over a week after she was first admitted to the infirmary, Sam was released and allowed to go back to work in her lab on minimal, light duties. Her memories hadn't full returned and she knew Janet was doubtful they would. It was unnerving, especially with what she did remember coming back to her at the most inopportune moments.

Sitting at the workbench, Sam tried to concentrate on the piece of technology in front of her. She had a deadline of twenty-four hours to figure out what it was, what it did and she was determined to do it. She had to prove she was up to the task, that she was well enough to return to her full duties and go out into the field. It was easier said than done, especially when Janet, the Colonel and even Teal'c kept dropping in on her.

Their visits didn't help her nerves, either. It was as if they expected her to disappear again, as if they had to keep checking up on her to make sure she hadn't been taken.

She didn't want to be taken again.

She didn't want to feel on edge in the place that had once felt like home.

She wanted to feel safe again.

Picking up a small screwdriver from the bench, she leaned over the machine, prepared to start working on it.. then froze.

Voices. She could hear voices. Fragmented, coming from far away..

" We have a security breach."

" Someone's downloading files from the system.."

" ..must be Maybourne.."

"..has the security codes.."

"..probably tell them everything.."

"..be here soon.."

"..do what we can.. more time later.."

"..take her again.."

"..symbiote.."

"..not over.."

"..not.. over.."

It wasn't over. Images flashed through her mind; people leaning over her, talking to her, talking about her, asking her questions, threatening her, holding her down.. Laughing when she screamed until her voice was hoarse until they put a gag over her mouth, telling her no one was going to come for her, putting needles in every bit of skin, drawing blood, holding the symbiote over her, letting it hiss at her..

A familiar voice rose above the rest of them - a man she knew - telling them the snake wasn't necessary. A few more days, he said, she'd crack under the pressure in a few more days. The human body could only handle so much, she could only cope with so much and she was almost there, almost at breaking point..

Almost..

Not over..

Almost..

Trembling violently, Sam curled up into a tight ball, scooting over to the corner of the room, the cold floor beneath her failing to register. Her eyes were squeezed shut tightly, her arms wrapped around her legs, forehead resting against her knees. She couldn't stop shivering, couldn't stop feeling all the fear and the pain and the desperation.

It wasn't over.

Not yet.

=*=

Teal'c was the one who found her sitting motionlessly in her seat, doing nothing. Concerned, he tried to talk to her, tried to get her to move but Sam stared blankly, looking straight through him, not hearing a single word he said. In the end, he had to alert Doctor Fraiser and ask for her to come to the labs.

Ten minutes of coaxing later, Sam was curled up in her quarters, having said very little but followed Janet's instructions without so much as a single protest. Once making sure the Major was sleeping peacefully - thanks to a light sedative - the Doctor stepped into the hallway, meeting the concerned eyes of Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c.

" How is Major Carter?" Teal'c was the first to speak, his concern showing in his voice.

" She's sleeping now, Teal'c." Smiling at him, Janet continued on. " I think she's started to remember more so I gave her a mild sedative.."

Jack's eyebrows shot up. " Is that wise? After everything she's been through? She's had enough drugs to last a lifetime in the last few weeks.."

" It was a very mild sedative, she'll be able to wake up when she wants to.. I think it's the only way she's going to get some undisturbed sleep." Janet took a deep breath and forced a smile. " I think it's time, Sir."

" Time for what?" Jack played dumb; he knew what she was implying but had no intention of acknowledging it.

" It's time she got the help she needs," Janet continued matter-of-factly. " I've already talked to General Hammond and he's given me his permission. Doctor Mackenzie will be involved from tomorrow onwards. Sam's first session is at 1000 hours."

Scowling, Jack put his hands in his pockets as he half-glared at her. " Does Carter know that? Can't see her agreeing to see the shrink voluntarily."

" Actually, she doesn't know yet. And she won't have a chance to back out of her appointments because, as I've already discussed with general Hammond, they're going to be surprised." She didn't ever blink at the expression on his face. " Tomorrow, I'll be sitting in with Major Carter and Doctor Mackenzie. You and Teal'c will get plenty of opportunities to take your turns, Colonel."

The scowl deepened. " I can't see Carter being comfortable enough to discuss her feelings with us in the room."

" If she doesn't want you to be there, you don't have to be." Opening the door a little, Janet lowered her voice. " But she needs this, Colonel. The least you could do is support her until she's through it."

The doctor slipped into Sam's quarters without another word. Teal'c left him standing there, his parting look showing the Jaffa felt the same was as Janet. Sighing to himself, Jack glanced at closed door once before making his way to his own quarters.

He wanted to support Carter, he really did. He wanted to help her get through it the best he could, hopefully regaining her trust and their friendship along the way. The only problem was, to get through it, she was going to have to remember. She didn't seem to want to remember, and if he was honest with himself, he didn't want her to either.

Not with so many possibilities and nightmares running through his head. He didn't want them confirming, he didn't want them to become realities.

=*=

To the Colonel's surprise, Sam agreed to the sessions with Doctor Mackenzie, the bases psychologist. Doctor Fraiser sat in for the first four sessions, making notes of what Sam was telling them. About the experiments, about the fear, about the desperation.. For the fifth
session, Teal'c sat in with her, the Doctor unable to due to an emergency in the infirmary. He listened as Sam was encouraged to talk about her fears, about her fear of dying, about her fear of not being found, of becoming a host.. of being forgotten by her friends.. She had started to
believe them, the people holding her, when they said her friends weren't coming to find her, that they didn't care..

It was Teal'c who encouraged and convinced Colonel O'Neill to sit in on the sixth session, using Jack's own guilt to coax him into it. So Jack sat there silently, fidgeting, listening as Mackenzie pressed Carter to remember more and talk about her experiences. His jaw clenched as he watched Carter grow more and more agitated as Mackenzie relentlessly fired question after question at her. He had to stop himself from intervening on more than one occasion, had to bite his lip so he didn't say anything when she finally admitted she felt like she had let them down by not being able to fight more than she had done. He heard her voice break, and the shame in it, as she described an unsuccessful escape attempt - he drugs had rendered her too weak and unsteady to get very far without her captors noticing and that was why they'd taken to strapping her down.

When the session ended, he wasn't sure who was more relieved - himself or Carter. Mackenzie didn't seem at all bothered by her distressed state but Jack managed to keep his anger in check. The man was a professional, he was used to dealing with situations almost like the one they were in.

They went their separate ways when they left the room, without so much as glancing at each other. Jack didn't know what to say and Sam wanted to get herself together before facing anyone. The guilt started growing again inside of him, joined by the constant unease. He wanted to say something to her, wanted to tell her she had no reason to be ashamed, that she'd done all she could.. But he couldn't. The awkwardness between them was too new, too fresh, the words failing to come, so they headed in different directions, each seeking solace for the other, the distance between them growing further.

For her seventh session, Sam had no choice but to see Mackenzie alone. Teal'c and Jack were off world; Janet was kept busy with casualties from SG-13's latest mission. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Sam opened the door to Mackenzie's office, returning the Doctor's smile half-heartedly as she closed it behind her.

" Major Carter, how are you today?" The slightly condescending tone made her flinch. As did the raised eyebrow when he noticed she was by herself. " No one else will be joining us?"

" No." Chewing nervously on her lip, Sam lowered herself into the chair opposite his and clasped her hands in her lap. " Doctor Fraiser's busy and Teal'c is off world with Colonel O'Neill and SG6."

The Doctor smiled. " Good. I've been hoping for a private session. I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back, Major. Whatever you say stays between the two of us, I promise."

" I haven't been holding back," Sam murmured, shifting uncomfortably in her chair at the glint in his eyes.

" Yes, well. I'm going to ask you some questions." Mackenzie ignored her discomfort, rustling some papers and shuffling his seat closer to hers. " I'd like you to concentrate on each one, answering as thoroughly and honestly as you can. Okay?"

" Okay." Taking a deep breath, Sam closed her eyes briefly, opening them and nodding to show she was ready for question one.

" Do you still feel guilty?"

" Yes."

" Why?"

" Because I should have been able to protect myself and get away from them so Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c didn't have to get involved."

" Do you think they see you as an inconvenience?"

" At times like this, yes."

" Do you see yourself as an inconvenience to them?"

" At times like this."

" Are you still afraid?"

The questions came at her quicker and steadier, forcing her to answer them as fast as she could.

" Yes."

" Of what?"

" Of being taken again, of there being side effects to what they did to me.."

" Do you remember them?"

" Them?"

" The people who took you."

" Yes.. No.. Not really."

There was a pause. Sam watched, her eyes widening as Mackenzie stood up, putting the papers to one side and started walking around the room, around her, his gaze burning into her. It started to feel less like a session with her psychologist and more like an interrogation. He was making her feel like a suspect, a criminal.. like she was the one in the wrong.

" Do you remember their faces?"

" No."

" Voices?"

" A little.. They're very vague recollections.."

" What were they saying?"

She stayed silent, concentrating.

" What were they doing to you, Major?"

There was something familiar..

" Were they threatening you?"

*Too* familiar..

" Major Carter?"

Almost as if..

***

" Once the drugs kick in, she'll tell us everything we want to know."

" Are you sure, Doctor?"

" Of course. No one in unbreakable, Sir. The human mind can't cope with so much strain, nor can the body. She's almost at her breaking point."

***

" What?" Sam startled him by breaking into his sentence and jumping up out of her chair, turning on him, her blue eyes locked on his surprised ones as he impulsively took a step back. " What did you just say?"

The Doctor appeared confused. " I said maybe we've done enough for today. The human mind can only cope with so much. I don't want to put you under too much strain.. Major Carter? Are you okay?"

" I'm fine." She kept her voice calm even though her heart was racing a mile a minute. She took a step closer to the door, forcing a smile. " Thank you, Doctor. I don't think I need any further sessions.. I'm fine."

" Major Carter.."

" I'm fine.. Thank you." She cut him off, unable to listen to his voice anymore. Throwing one last look over her shoulder at him, she fled from his office, leaving one puzzled Doctor in her wake, and a lot of turmoil bubbling inside.

=*=

All four occupants of the briefing room turned to face her. Her defences immediately went up, alarms going off inside her head as she cautiously slid into her seat at the table. No one said anything; they just kept staring at her, making her question whether she was welcome.

" What's going on?" Sam eventually broke the silence that was hanging over them like a heavy lead blanket.

" Doctor Mackenzie called me." Janet spoke up after glancing around the table, seeing that no one else was going to say anything. " He said you walked out of your latest session and said you didn't need anymore. He said you were distraught and confused."

" I'm fine." The response was automatic, even as she lowered her gaze to her hands. " I'm not distraught or confused and I'm not going to see him again. I don't need to, I'm fine."

The exchanged looks said it all: they didn't believe her.

" I'm really fine." Sam sighed and forced herself to meet Janet's inquisitive gaze. " There's nothing else Doctor Mackenzie can help me out with."

" Did something happen?" To her surprise, it was Colonel O'Neill who asked the question. " Doc Mackenzie doesn't seem to be in your good books.. Did he say something..?"

" No.. Nothing." The flash of something in her eyes told a different story. Shifting uncomfortably under the intensity of their joined gazes, Sam turned to General Hammond, hoping she could appeal to him and get him on her side. " General, please. I've been seeing Doctor Mackenzie for a few weeks now and I'm confident I can return to full, active duty with SG-1."

" I don't doubt your abilities, Major. There has never been any question of your ability to be a member of SG-1 or of this facility. However," the General's tone and expression softened imperceptibly as he looked at her. " Doctor Mackenzie's report does concern me. He doesn't believe you are prepared to return to active duty."

Her reaction was one she couldn't contain. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion and she scowled. " He would say that."

" Major?" She had hoped her comment would go unnoticed but the General's concerned voice suggested otherwise. " Has something happened?"

" No.." She started to protest but broke off with a heavy, defeated sigh. " I remembered.. something." Staring at the tabletop, as if drawing strength from it, Sam had no choice but to plough on. She was embarrassed about what she had to say, certain they wouldn't believe, confident they'd think she was making it up.. but she had no choice. " Mackenzie was there. At the NID safe house. I remember hearing him say something to someone else."

Silence met the accusation. Teal'c merely raised an eyebrow; General Hammond looked from her to Doctor Fraiser. Janet stared at her incredulously as Jack just frowned quietly.

Clearing her voice, Janet met Sam's eyes and faltered, pausing to find the right words. " Okay. You've been through a lot, Sam. You were put though a lot. It wouldn't be surprising for you to get confused.."

" You don't believe me." In a reversal of events, Sam found it was everyone else who had trouble meeting her gaze. Looking at their faces, she saw they were all avoiding looking at her. All except Colonel O'Neill, who appeared to be lost in thought. " Well." Getting to her feet, she stood with her shoulders squared, unsurprised but still hurt by their reaction. " If that's all, Sir, I assume I'm dismissed."

General Hammond didn't have a chance to reply as she walked stiffly from the room without looking back. His first instinct was to send someone after her, not to reprimand her but to make sure she was okay. He glanced around the table, realising the Colonel and Teal'c seemed to feel the same was he did; Doctor Fraiser's eyes were downcast and he could see the crease in her brow. " Doctor Fraiser, is there any chance Major Carter's.. memory.. could be accurate?"

" I don't know, Sir." To the General, the Doctor's expression was one of helplessness. " I don't think so. Major Carter was kept heavily drugged for the length of her ordeal. It's possible she's confusing fact with fiction as a result of trying too hard to remember."

" What if she's telling the truth?" Jack spoke up, the thoughtful frown still present on his face. " What if she's right and Mackenzie is part of the NID?"

" It would explain why the NID let us find Major Carter," Teal'c agreed, wanting to believe his teammate was of sound mind. " If the NID have people working for them within the SGC, it would be reason enough for them to let Major Carter go in order to keep their identity hidden."

Wanting to believe Sam as much as they did, Janet nodded slowly although her shoulders slumped moments later. " How do we backup Sam's suspicions, though? We can't go off her memory alone.."

" There is nothing else we can use." Teal'c reluctantly agreed.

" Maybe." His eyes narrowed, Jack slowly got to his feet. " Maybe not. Permission to be excused, Sir?"

Once again, following his Major's example, General Hammond could only watch as Colonel O'Neill left the room. The word 'dismissed' had barely made it from his lips before the other two occupants had started out of the room.

Frowning, feeling the dull ache of a migraine begin to descend, the General left for the peace and quiet of his office, wondering when, if ever, things would go back to normal and he'd start feeling as though he was in control again.

=*=

Driving home was something she used to do automatically, without needing to think about it. After being run off the road, and pulled from her car, Sam was more on edge every time she was driving alone. She kept checking in the mirrors, felt her heart race whenever a non-descript black car went passed or crossed at an intersection in front of her, sure it would start following her if she let her guard slip just a little.

Relieved when she got home without incident, she felt herself begin to relax. Walking up to the door, instinctively checking behind her, she stopped suddenly when she noticed it was slightly ajar.

She'd locked it and closed it that morning on her way out. She was sure she had.

Though why she bothered, she didn't know. It wasn't like there was anything of real value left after all of her belongings had been taken.

Preparing herself mentally, Sam stepped into the house, freezing as the door swung open before her. Books were scattered all over the floor of the hallway. Familiar books, her books.

Her things had been returned.. and then ransacked?

Slowly walking through the house, Sam felt the lump rise and grow in her throat, her pulse quickening as every room was just like the last: full of her belongings, personal items scattered carelessly, almost angrily, covering all available surfaces.

Swallowing hard, she kept on going until she reached her bedroom, steeling herself for the worst as she stood at the mostly closed doors. This was an attack, a reminder that they were still out there. That they hadn't forgotten.

Pushing the door open with one hand, she couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her throat on seeing the state of her bedroom. Clothes were strewn everywhere, the mattress of her new bed had been slashed.. Photographs of her family and friends were crumpled, some torn, dumped on the floor.

Trembling, she reached out for one photograph, an image of her mother, and clasped it to her, closing her eyes tightly, refusing to allow the sob building up inside her to escape.

A sound from behind made her jump. She gripped the photograph even tighter in her hand and spun around. She didn't look back as she half-sprinted from the house, barely remembering to pull the door shut behind her. With shaking hands, she somehow managed to unlock the car door, get in, and lock it behind her.

For several long minutes, she sat huddled in the driver's seat, alone with her thoughts, looking around for anything moving that shouldn't be. Her breathing began to slow and deepen when nothing happened and as soon as she felt she was able to, she turned the key in the ignition and pulled away.

There was no destination in mind as she drove away from her house, only words: warmth, comfort and safety.

=*=

A low growl escaped his throat as he stared at the computer monitor, the cursor flashing expectantly. No matter what he'd tried, no matter what commands he wrote, it didn't do what he wanted it to do. He couldn't get the file to open; he couldn't grasp the information he knew was at his fingertips.

Tension welling up inside him, Jack was about to try typing another possible password when the doorbell rang. Grumbling, he reluctantly got out of his chair and headed for the door. He swung it open, prepared to let loose on the person on the other side, to take his frustration out on
them.. but his jaw dropped and he stared at her wordlessly.

" Can I come in, Sir?" Casting a glance over her shoulder, Carter wrapped her arms around herself, biting down on her bottom lip. " Colonel?"

" Ah, sorry, Carter." He shuffled to the side. " Come on in." There was a small silence as she stepped passed him and into the house. Bewildered, he closed the door behind them and followed her into the living room. He shuffled from one foot to the other as Carter gave him a questioning look, having noticed the computer. " I was just.. doing.. something." A wry smile was her response. " You want something to drink or..?"

" No. Thank you, Sir." Awkwardly, Sam stared at him. She didn't know why she was there; she couldn't think of anything to say. " I.. Maybe I should go.. You're obviously in the middle of something and I don't want to intrude.."

" No. Hey!" Jack quickly minimised the application on the computer screen, turning to her with a warm, hopefully welcoming smile, wanting to defuse some of the tension between them. " You're not intruding.. or interrupting anything. You've obviously come for a reason.. You want to talk about something..?"

Even as she lifted one shoulder in a casual, she couldn't stop the words from tumbling from her mouth. " My things have been returned to my house.. They'd ransacked the place; everything was trashed.." She broke off with a helpless shrug, refusing to meet his concerned eyes, fighting to keep the mask of nonchalance in place. " It's not really a big deal.. I'll go and let you do whatever you were doing.."

" You can't go home, Carter. Not to.." Moving quickly, he blocked the way to the door. Realising what he was doing, and how close they were, he took a step away fro her. " Ah, you want me to call Doc Fraiser? You can stay with her."

" And have more drugs given to me and doubts about my sanity? I'd rather go home, Sir." Starting towards the door, she stopped with he moved closer. " I'll be fine, Colonel. Really. I shouldn't have come."

Shaking his head slightly, Jack looked trouble, and uneasy. " I can't.. in good conscious.. let you do that, Carter. You can stay here if you want.. I'd have to make up the bed in the spare room but it's no problem.."

" As much as I appreciate the offer, Sir, I really should go home. I don't even know why I came." Giving him another shrug, she looked meaningfully towards the front door. " Sorry for bothering you, Colonel."

His mind was still processing his offer when Carter slipped by him. Fortunately, his mind caught up with his body in time to formulate a response and stop her from opening the door. " Actually, Carter, there's something you can help me with."

" Sir?" Was it his imagination or was there a glimmer of hope in her eyes?

" Yeah." Convincing himself he was making the right decision, he led her back into the living room, a hand hovering over the small of her back to guide her over to the computer. Leaning over, he maximised the screen he'd been frowning at just minutes before and stepped back to let her see. " Any chance you can hack into these files?"

" Colonel?" Taking a few moments to study the information, her eyes widened when she read through the information, turning to him with a startled expression. " Where did you get this?"

Shifting uncomfortably, he motioned to her with a hand. " While you were.. You know Maybourne was helping us find you, right? He told us where to find you.. He also gave me this. A lot of the information is about the.. ah.. experiments they wanted to do.."

" On me," she finished the sentence for him, understanding the cause of his discomfort and sharing it. At the same time, though, as dreading what they had to say about the projects, she was perversely curious to read about them, to see how much she remembered, and how much she'd managed to escape this time. " What about the encoded files? Any idea what they are?"

Helping himself to his favourite chair, Jack settled back and watched her as she turned her attention back to the computer screen. " No idea. I thought maybe it could be a list of locations of NID safe houses.. but I don't know why Maybourne would give me the information without the codes to break it."

" Because Maybourne likes making things difficult for other people, most likely." Sam didn't turn round to face him, losing herself in the challenge before her. " I should be able to do this.. It might take some time, though, Sir.."

" Take all the time you need," Jack responded quietly, knowing she was too engrossed in the computer screen to really hear him. " There's no rush."

Three hours passed. Sam was halfway to cracking the files when she yawned for the fourth time in a row and found her chair spun around away from the screen. Confused, it took her eyes a few moments to focus on the Colonel but when she saw him, remembered where she was and checked her watch, her eyes widened.

" Sorry, Sir! You should have kicked me out hours ago!" Getting to her feet, she found she had to stifle another yawn and take a small step forwards to keep her balance, her feet refusing to cooperate with the rest of her body having been inactive for too long.

" Woah, careful." He managed to hide a grin as he steadied her. " Like I said before, it's no problem you camping out in the spare room. At least until we get your house straightened up, which we can do tomorrow.."

" I don't want to bother you more than I have.."

" No trouble, Carter." He stepped back, hiding another smug grin. " Bed's already made. I did it while you were doing whatever it is you were doing with the computer.. Take it you got further than I did?"

Nodding, Sam concentrated on the problem of cracking the files rather than the problem of staying at her Commanding Officer's house for the night. " It would take months to guess the right password so I'm trying to rewrite the program files and overriding the security protocols. It should only take a few more hours.." She turned slightly to look longingly at the
computer, sighing when he reached over, took out the disk, and shut it down.

" Not tonight." The Colonel's voice was that of her father when he was giving her a fatherly command; stern but soft. " You need rest, Carter. You're not Wonder Woman, you know."

Smiling in spite of herself as another yawn hit, Sam grudgingly agreed, her sleepy eyes meeting his. " Yes, Sir."

" Spare room's second right at the top of the stairs." Walking away from her, he called out directions over his shoulder, needing to put distance between them. Whenever he got too close, he was reminded of the kiss, of all the kisses, and that was somewhere he really didn't want to go right now. Somewhere he couldn't go, not yet. But they did need to go 'there' and talk about 'it'. Eventually. " I put some spare clothes on the bed. They'll probably be three sizes too big but it's better than nothing.."

" Thank you, Sir." The sound of her voice so close made him jump. He turned slowly and found her standing in the doorway, smiling shyly - the first time he'd seen Carter smile *shyly*. " I really appreciate this."

" No problem." He grinned easily, watching as she nodded, turned and left before letting out the breath he'd been holding.

Oh, yeah. They definitely needed to talk about it.

=*=

The following day, Jack received the call from General Hammond. Until Doctor Mackenzie, or at least Doctor Fraiser, were satisfied that Sam had fully recovered from her ordeal, she was not to be allowed on base without someone there to accompany her. She'd been relieved of duty and he was the one who had to tell her.

To his surprise, she took the announcement well. It didn't seem to surprise her, not as much as it had done him. Sam was resigned to the fact her accusation was unfounded and until she could prove she wasn't making it up or found it in herself to believe that maybe she was mistaken, she knew she wouldn't be returning to work. Part of her was tempted to lie, just so she could go back to the SGC but the bigger part knew she couldn't, not without lying to herself.

" So it looks like you're on vacation for a while. Cool," Jack tried to make conversation as they sat at the table in his kitchen, both trying to avoid mentioning and thinking about the fact that she'd spent the night. It was over, nothing had happened, there was nothing to talk about. " Any idea what you're going to do with your time?"

" Not really, Sir." Nibbling on a piece of toast, Sam stared despondently at the able top. " Wait and see what happens, I guess."

Nudging her foot under the table, he motioned through to the other room with his head when she looked up. " You could keep working on the CD Maybourne gave us. Maybe you'll find something helpful.."

" Confront my fears and so on?" Her lips curled up in a wry smile. She hadn't realised he'd been listening to Mackenzie in that one session he joined her. " I might read through the information - if you don't mind - and I'd like to try and open those files. They're probably full of useless information but we won't know for sure if we don't try."

" Be my guest." Biting back a small grin, pleased that she wasn't giving up completely when a lot of people would, he helped himself to another helping of froot loops.

An almost uncomfortable silence descended over them. It would be too easy for them to relax and feel at home with the other's company, the small act of having breakfast, alone, together creating a feeling of intimacy. Too much intimacy. Neither could allow themselves to enjoy the moment, memories swarming through their minds making it impossible to put the events of the last week behind them.

" Would you mind if I took the disk back with me to my house? I could work on it there without bothering you.." Her words made his head snap up. He hadn't thought about her leaving, even though he knew she should and hadn't thought about her staying. He couldn't imagine her going back to her house alone, though, back to the chaos he could only envisage.

Shaking his head, he swallowed a spoonful of cereal, washing it down with a gulp of orange juice before trying to speak, hoping his voice sounded normal. " You're not bothering me, Carter. Besides, your place isn't fit for you to go back to, is it?"

" It probably isn't as bad as I remember it being." Attempting to smile confidently, she fidgeted with the slice of toast she'd barely touched. " A couple of hours tidying should do it."

" You're sure?" Raising an eyebrow, he took another big gulp of orange juice. " What about the computer? Is it in one piece? Are any of them in one piece?"

Pausing in lifting her coffee to her lips, Sam paused thoughtfully. " I don't know. I can't remember seeing them.." Shrugging, she sipped the coffee. " I'll guess I'll find out when I go home." Putting the cup down, she got to her feet, relieved she'd thought to dress in her own clothes before joining him downstairs. " Thanks again for putting me up, Colonel. You want me to help tidy up before I go..?"

" No, it's okay. This stuff can wait." Copying her, Jack stood and carried the dishes to the sink, leaving them on the bench to deal with them later. " I'll come with you."

" You don't have to do that, Sir." She turned in the doorway to look at him. " I'll be fine by myself."

" We're not gonna argue over this, Carter. I'm coming with you. Many hands make light work, you know." The quip brought a small smile to her lips and he couldn't help but feel inordinately pleased with himself. " Let's go, Major. No time like the present."

Having no real choice but to follow him from the kitchen and out of the house, she tried not to think of the mess waiting for them at her home, tried not to feel relieved and pleased that someone was going with her.

=*=

It was just as bad, if not worse, than she had remembered. Pages were torn from books and left lying on the floor, muddied and ripped and torn. Photographs that had been in frames had been stood on, broken glass marring the images. The computers, she noticed with a sickening feeling,
had been knocked over, the monitor screens were cracked and the main tower of one of her computers was in little pieces of the floor in what had been her office and study. Not one of the computers was working, not one item lay untouched.

" That settles it." She could barely hear the Colonel's muttering over the pounding in her head.

As if he hadn't spoken, she knelt down beside a broken picture frame, gently pushing glass from the photo. It was one of her as a teenager, with her father beside her, his arm around her as they smiled at the camera.

Staring down at the picture, she found herself wishing her father were there. Wanting to be able to lean on him, wanting to hear him tell her everything was going to okay like he did when she was very small and woke up from some nightmare she couldn't remember by the time morning came round.

Then again, she was glad he wasn't there. It had been his house after all, before she had taken it over. She hated to think of what his reaction would have been to discovering what had happened to it in his absence.

" Carter.. Major?" Jack was unsuccessfully trying to get her attention, eventually settling for taking her arm and shaking her gently. " Carter!"

" Sir?" Startled, she looked at him blinking.

" It's time for us to go, Major." Tugging on her arm, he started leading her from the room, unsurprised when she dug her heels in, confusion written on her face as she stared from the photo in her hand to him. " You can't stay here. Not when it's like this."

Shaking her arm free, she shrugged, her fingers unconsciously tightening around the picture, small shards of glass biting her skin. " It'll be fine. If I tidy it up a little, put everything in place.. It'll be fine. *I'll* be fine, Sir."

" No, it won't be fine." Facing her squarely, refusing to budge, his eyes bore into her. " For starters, it'll take more an a few hours to tidy this mess. Before we can do that, we need to let Hammond know what happened, maybe get the police or some SF's involved.. Take some pictures so you can claim for the broken stuff on your insurance. But, Carter, there is *no way* you're staying here tonight, or any night, until everything's fixed and the locks have been changed, okay?"

" What's the point in changing the locks? If they want to do this again, they'll just break down the door!" Frustrated, Sam turned away from him, kicking listlessly at the ruined items at her feet, fighting back the urge to cry. Despite a friendship developing between them over the years, he was still her CO and Carter's did *not* cry in front of the CO's, no matter what. " It's not like I have anything left for them to destroy."

" Your computers can be fixed, the books can be replaced, the photos can be restored.." Glancing around the room, he frowned again at the state of her living room, having seen the same destruction in the kitchen, and the study, and the bathroom and dining room and even the bedroom.. " We can get everything fixed up but it's gonna take time and you're not staying here until we do."

Closing her eyes, wanting to shut out the sight if just for a little while, Sam let her shoulders slump. " Where else do I go? I'm forbidden from the base, I don't want to stay with Janet because Cassandra doesn't need to know about this.. With the amount of money it's going to cost to fix this place, I can't afford a hotel.."

" So you'll stay at my house for a while, no big deal." Somehow, he managed to shrug casually, almost convincing himself. " It's not like I'll be there to bug you all the time, I've got a mission tomorrow and another one two days after that.. As for the money thing, your insurance will cover it. You have got insurance, right?"

" Yeah but what do I say? A top-secret government agency broke into my house, stole my stuff then returned it a few days later and thought they'd reorganise it for me?"

" Don't worry about that yet." He took a small step closer to her, lowering his voice. " First thing you need to do is get some things together. I'll call Hammond while your doing that and tell him what's going on. Then we'll go to my place and you can get started on that disk, okay?"

Shrugging half-heartedly, her arms folded over her chest, Sam started in the direction of her room. " It's not like I have a choice, is it?"

He watched her go wordlessly, waiting until she was out of sight before pulling his cell phone from his pocket and dialling the familiar number. He knew she didn't want to involve a lot of people, it wasn't her style, but he also knew she was right: she had no choice.

He wasn't going to let her brush everything under the carpet with her usual 'I'm-coping-fine-on-my-own' smile.

Not this time.

=*=

After a few hours of not speaking to the Colonel, Sam eventually had to grudgingly admit he'd done the right thing by calling the General. General Hammond had been appalled by the news of what had happened, and had sent some SF's to the house to take photographs, telling Jack he'd take care of reporting the incident and that he'd also find out how Sam could claim for the damage on her insurance.

It was taken out of her hands. There was nothing for her to do. She appreciated it, but at the same time, she resented it. It was her house and therefore her responsibility. She hated the thought of having nothing to do with it.

The day Colonel O'Neill left for his next mission, Sam settled herself at the computer with the disk Maybourne had left. She didn't try breaking through to the encoded files; instead, she started reading some of the experiments and projects that had taken place, and those that would were the NID to get the chance.

They were disturbing to read about but she found herself feeling strangely relieved when she read on and discovered information on the tests yet to be performed on her. At least she was recovering from what they'd done to her, at least she wasn't a host, at least she was still alive.

When the Colonel returned, with Teal'c in tow, they found Sam was almost back to her old self. She'd come to terms with all that had happened and was more determined than ever to find out what was hidden in the encrypted files, the sight of her stubborn resolve filling both men with relief.

It was after the second mission Teal'c and Jack went on without her that Sam finally managed to do it. The Colonel came home after saying goodnight to Teal'c to find her overworking his printer, pages upon pages of information coming out of the protesting machine.

" Carter?" He called out to her softly, realising she hadn't noticed his return in her intense scrutiny of the papers spread on the floor around her. He couldn't help but smile at the creased brow of concentration she wore as she frowned at some sheets of writing, a highlighter pen in hand. " Hey."

" Oh, Sir! Hi!" Seeing him, she scrambled to her feet, pushing the pile of papers from her knee and onto the floor with the rest of them. Her eyes were alight with enthusiasm and he was glad; it was something he hadn't seen in a while. " I did it, Sir. The files on the disk were a copy of the NID payroll. I've been cross-referencing it with the payroll at the SGC and several of the names match, including Doctor Mackenzie, Major Byron, Lucinda Myers - she's a nurse from the infirmary.."

Holding up his hands, he grinned outright. " Don't forget to breathe, Sam."

" Sorry, Sir." She smiled at the comment, turning back to the printer as it finished printing the final page and released it. " But it proves I was right about Mackenzie, that I wasn't making it up.. We have to show this to the General.."

" You," he corrected calmly, bending to pick up some of the papers, realising they were stapled together. Flipping through them, he saw that the top page was a list from the NID payroll with certain names highlighted and the bottom page was a list from the SGC payroll, with the same names highlighted. " You have to show it to Hammond. You did all the work."

Her enthusiasm and excitement wavered. " But.."

" But what?" Carefully putting the sheets of paper down again, he turned to her with a serious expression.

" What if he doesn't believe me?" Her voice was quiet, uncertain. Her hands clenched around the sheet of paper in her hand.

Smiling reassuringly, he motioned to the paper on the floor. " Take all of this and the disk with you. He knows where the disk came from, unofficially of course. You've got all the proof you need, Carter. He has to believe you. So does Doc Fraiser and everyone else."

Nodding, still looking unsure, Sam tilted her head and looked at him. " Are you sure you won't come with me? I mean.. The disk *is* yours. Maybourne gave it to you.."

" I'm positive." He nodded confidently and waited until it looked like she'd agreed. She started collecting the pieces of paper together, organising them into piles and he left for the kitchen, talking to himself as he went. " You need to do this on your own, Carter."

She needed to get the confidence back, she needed to know everyone's faith in her, and her faith in them, could be restored.

=*=

First thing the following morning, Sam went by herself to the SGC. She smiled politely at the SF's on the surface and at the checkpoints, even though she knew they were questioning her presence on base. Clutching the folder with all of the printed sheets in it to her chest, she felt her pocket for the seventh time to make sure the disk was still there.

Knocking on the door to General Hammond's office, she took a deep breath before following the called out instructions and stepping inside.

" Major Carter." The General appeared surprised to see her. " What..?"

" I have something to show you, Sir." Without remorse, she cut him off, holding out the folder, trying to control her hand. She didn't know why she was so nervous. This was General Hammond, her CO, the man she'd served under for half a dozen years. And she was holding in her hand a list of spies who also served under his command. " I'm sure you're aware that Colonel Maybourne left a disk in Colonel O'Neill's possession. There were some files on the disk that the Colonel couldn't open because they were encrypted and I've been working on them for the last week. I finally got them to open last night and I think you'd be interested in them."

Taking the folder she held out to him, the General opened it, staring down at the first page. All he could see was a list of names, some of them highlighted in yellow, some of them not. " What am I looking at?"

" You're looking at the NID payroll, Sir. Underneath that is a page from the SGC payroll. I've gone through both lists and stapled together all the pages that have matching names." She crossed her arms over her chest and then let them drop to her sides, unsure of how to stand. " The names highlighted are the ones that appear on both lists. Sir, they're people who work for the NID but who also work here at the SGC, probably as spies."

" Spies? Here?" General Hammond's eyes widened. " Do you realise what a serious accusation that is, Major?"

" Yes, Sir, I do." Keeping her head up, she met his eyes squarely, her resolve strengthened by the thought of all those whose names weren't highlighted on the SGC payroll who were being deceived and betrayed by their colleagues. " I have the disk as evidence if you need it. You might also be interested to know Doctor Mackenzie's name appears twice, once with the NID, once with the SGC."

" I see." Glancing down at the papers again, he flicked through them, his eyes widening at the amount of names that jumped out at him, sometimes easily identifying the names with the faces of the officers under his command. " Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Major Carter. I'll be calling the Joint Chiefs and the President about this."

Sensing she was about to be dismissed, Sam quickly spoke up. " Can I ask, Sir, what will happen to those who seem to be working for the NID? Doctor Mackenzie.."

" Will be taken for questioning with the others. As for what happens to them after that, I'm sure you're well aware that breach of security is a serious charge within the SGC. They will all be properly dealt with and the Pentagon will be informed." General Hammond closed the folder, placing it on his desk next to the red phone. " Thank you again, Major. Good work."

" Thank you, Sir." Managing a small smile, Sam stood to attention.

" Dismissed." The General watched her leave, pleased to see her back on base. He reached for the phone, gaze falling onto the folder, hoping the new information would mean the Major would be back to work soon, her demons and fears laid to rest, so SG-1 could be together again. " This is General Hammond. I need to speak to the President."

=*=

A small celebratory party was had at Colonel O'Neill's house after General Hammond let them know what was happening - several officers had confessed and were being charged, those who hadn't confessed were being questioned further but it looked likely they'd receive the same punishment eventually. Small was the right word for the party; the only guests were Teal'c, Janet, Sam and Jack. At the end of the evening, Janet apologised for doubting her and promised to recommend to General Hammond that she be reinstated - after one final physical, of course, to make sure she was up for it.

Eventually, Teal'c and Janet left, leaving Sam and Jack alone on what would be her last night in the house. Her place was almost back to what it should be and she felt safe enough to return, knowing that those responsible for taking her wouldn't dare try it again - especially not with their undercover operation at the SGC blown and their names on a list in General Hammond's possession, not to mention the copy on Colonel O'Neill's computer that only two people knew about.

There was still something that was bothering her, though, and Sam was determined to get it out of the way and clear the air before she returned to work. The Colonel had been there for her over the last few weeks and she felt she owed it to him to be honest.

" I lied to you." The words were spoken suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence that had enveloped them after Teal'c and Janet's departure.

" What?" Opening his eyes, Jack stared at her in confusion. " When?"

Taking a deep breath, she stared at the label on her bottle of beer. " When I said I didn't feel the same. I lied, I do."

His eyes grew impossibly wider as he stared at her, his mouth agape, his expression incredulous. He'd been trying to think of a way to broach the subject for three days and yet here she was, plunging them into it when he least expected with four words blurted out on the spur of the moment. " Then what..? Why?"

" I don't really know." She shrugged awkwardly, taking a risk and raising her eyes to meet his gaze. " It was just strange.. To be the centre of attention on base, to suddenly have everything I knew and believed in change.. If we *were* going to start something, I wouldn't be comfortable knowing everyone else knew what we were doing and were watching and waiting for us to slip up.. Starting any relationship is hard, I know that, but starting it with so many people involved.. I don't think I can do that."

" So.." He broke off, staring at her in silence. This was the conversation he'd been waiting for, she'd said what he'd wanted her to say.. So why was he finding it so hard to reply? " You do feel the same?"

Refusing to look away even though she wanted to, Sam nodded. " Yes."

" And we can.. if we wanted to.."

" I guess. That's what General Hammond said, right?"

" Yeah." Nodding, he turned to face her, swallowing the lump in his throat as she met his gaze evenly, blue eyes locking with brown and refusing to break contact. " So what do we do now?"

No answer was spoken aloud.

They stared at each for several long moments, barely blinking, barely moving, barely breathing. Communicating everything in silence, not knowing which words to use so choosing to say nothing.

Several long minutes later, a decision was made.

=*=

The technicians in the Control Room waited. SG-1 were due for their first mission in a long time and everyone was curious to see how they would react with one another. It would be the first time they'd seen the Colonel and the Major in public together since the *incident* in the Gateroom.

The rumours had died down out of respect after everyone learnt what had happened to Major Carter, and after several officers had been exposed as working for the NID and taken away for questioning but there was no denying the fact that everyone was waiting to see what happened next.

Were they or weren't they? It was the same question the officers, technicians and SF's had been asking for years. All hoping that today would bring them an answer.

The doors rolled back and SG-1 stepped into the Gateroom. Colonel O'Neill had made a joke, that much was clear from the Control Room even though they couldn't hear it, as Major Carter was smiling and trading a look with Teal'c.

There were no glances between the two officers that seemed to stand out, no more than usual. There were no touches, either; sure, he helped her adjust the strap of her backpack but he'd done that before and Teal'c helped out, too, by holding the Colonel's gun as he got himself sorted.

General Hammond joined those watching from the Control Room and the whispering stopped. He smiled to himself as Colonel O'Neill led his team up the ramp and towards the Event Horizon, pausing at the top of the ramp to salute before casually sauntering through, the Major following after a few seconds, Teal'c going after her.

Even he couldn't tell if anything had changed. No one acted any differently but he supposed they wouldn't. Whatever decisions had been made, whatever rumours were true, there was no way of knowing just by watching SG-1 leave. He found he didn't want to know, content that he'd at
least offered them the chance.

The rest was up to them to do as they chose. In the meantime, intrigue would fuel rumours and speculation, and no one would know anything for certain. Just like it had always been.

=*=

End of Kept in Shadow, Kept in Shade.

So it's over :) Thoughts, feelings, whether positive or negative welcomed at Joey@ram32.freeserve.co.uk if you've got the time :):):)




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