samandjack.net

Story Notes: Email: noda@win.bright.net

Season/Sequel Info: Season 2ish

Spoilers: Probably minor ones through season 2

Archive: Yes, please. Sam and Jack and Heliopolis, others, please ask.

Story notes: This story is *long* (420K) and to avoid clogging mailboxes, I'll post two parts a day. If anyone "can't wait" for the rest, mail me off list and I'll be happy to send the rest. Also, it'll be posted on my site at: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Labyrinth/7277/sgindex.html hopefully it'll be there later today.


Colonel Jack O'Neill stepped through the Stargate's event horizon on P6J-847 waiting for his eyes to focus. No matter how many times he traveled through a Stargate, he'd never get used to the bone-numbing cold and disorientation he felt as he stepped out onto a new world. Captain Samantha Carter, his second-in-command, had explained the physics involved with 'gate travel dozens of times, but he still didn't get it. All he knew was walking out into a new world with his senses less than one hundred percent caused a knot to form in his stomach that never fully dissipated until he was back on Earth. Most times they had telemetry from the MALP they sent through prior to a mission, but it wasn't a guarantee they wouldn't arrive to find hostile aliens or displaced Humans waiting as a welcoming party.

This time the probe had been dead-on. Trees. More God-damned trees.

"Well, what a surprise," Jack drawled as he stepped down from the Stargate, checking to make sure the rest of his team made it through intact.

"What's that, Jack?" Daniel Jackson asked, wiping a sheen of frost from his face.

"Trees. Ever wonder why they're called 'sycamores?' Because I'm sick of more trees!"

Sam laughed at her C.O.'s warped humor as she shook out her limbs.

"Don't encourage him, Sam! You'll only make it worse! And by the way, Jack, they're not even close to sycamores," Daniel informed him.

"Whatever."

Teal'c observed his Human companions. "O'Neill has attempted to tell a joke again?" the massive, dark man asked.

"Attempted is right," Daniel said, adjusting his helmet, giving Jack half a smile letting him know he wasn't really annoyed. "Do Jaffa tell jokes?" he asked Teal'c.

"We have a highly developed sense of humor," he answered absolutely deadpan, causing Sam to laugh again.

"Okay, campers, I hate to break up this little coffee-klatch, but we do have a mission to complete," Jack said, moving his pack higher up on his shoulders. "Anybody got any ideas on which way we should go?"

All four members of SG-1 scanned the area.

"How about left, sir," Sam suggested.

"Why left?" Jack asked.

"We went right last time?" she offered.

"Very scientific, Carter. I like that," he teased her. "Work for you guys?" he asked Daniel and Teal'c, even though technically the decision was his to make. Both men shrugged.

"Left it is. Lead on, Carter."

They'd traveled a little over a kilometer when Jack began grumbling. "You know, just once, I'd like to step out of that 'gate onto a tropical world. Some sea-side beach resort where they'd hand us a cool drink, tell us to kick back and relax, until their non-hostile leaders arrived."

Sam turned around and flashed the Colonel a smile. "What fun would that be, sir? You'd have nothing to complain about."

"Sure he would," Daniel piped up. "He'd complain that it was *too* perfect. That something wasn't right!"

Sam tried to hide her grin as she turned around once more. Jack made an effort to look angry but couldn't quite manage it. These people just knew him too well. And that was fine with him.

Jack smiled at that thought. He'd worked with a lot of different people, both military and civilians like Daniel and Teal'c, but he'd never connected with them in the way he had with SG-1. If anyone would have told him he'd come to think of these three as a surrogate family, he would have told them to quit sniffing glue. Jack O'Neill didn't get personally attached to his team members. But there was something about this group that challenged that notion. They had jelled as no other crew he'd worked with. Perhaps it was their diversity. Sam and Daniel had even gotten him to rethink his position on the usefulness of scientists. That in itself was damn near miraculous.

And who could have predicted he'd be working with an alien? Although basically Human, Jaffa were hosts to parasitic larval Goa'uld--the adult version being the menace SG-1 and the rest of Stargate Command, or SGC found themselves battling. Once mature, the Goa'uld would take over a new host--preferably Human. Jack often wondered what would happen the day Teal'c's Goa'uld decided to "leave home" as it were. Not only would Teal'c be without his larvae's beneficial healing properties, but every Human could be a potential host. What if it took over someone at SGC? Teal'c assured O'Neill and General Hammond, commander of the SGC, he would be able to sense the larva's maturity, but Jack knew of Goa'uld duplicity. He didn't trust "Junior" any further than he could throw him. And given the fact he wouldn't touch the damn thing, it wouldn't be too far.

Finding himself actually friends with Daniel Jackson was a bit of a shocker. He'd tolerated his presence on their initial trip to Abydos, and when the archeologist/linguist/anthropologist opted to remain on a foreign planet, O'Neill hadn't questioned his decision. He'd decoded the hieroglyphs that were Earth's address on the Stargate, and dialed them home, which was all Jack thought he needed the man for.

His second meeting with Daniel caused Jack to re-evaluate his opinion. He'd grown during his time on Abydos. Perhaps it was his marriage to the local leader's daughter Sha're, or maybe it was Jack's own epiphany upon returning to Earth that caused him to see Daniel in a new light. He still grew exasperated with Daniel's single-mindedness when faced with a new culture, but it had almost mellowed to an endearing quality as they became closer friends. Who'd a thunk.

Then there was Carter. She'd told him she'd grow on him once he got to know her, and she was right. He wasn't quite sure when it happened. Maybe it was her actually laughing at his lame jokes, or never complaining when things got a little rough. What he did know was he respected the hell out of her, regardless of the fact he understood only about half of what came out of her mouth. Theoretical astrophysics. Sheesh. He could barely pronounce it much less understand it.

Together, they comprised his team, SG-1, the brightest and the best Stargate Command had to offer. And the best part? Not a whiner in the bunch. Excluding himself of course. There were no "loose cannons," no authority-bucking mavericks, just four people who would lay down their lives for each other and their cause. Best damn bunch he'd ever served with.

"Looks like you're going to get your wish, Jack," Daniel said, bringing him out of his reverie.

Jack looked up to see a clearing in the ever-present evergreens that widened onto either an ocean or a vast sea. It wasn't a city, exactly, but it was bigger than a village. The architecture was a strange mix of classical Greek and sweeping arches that gleamed in the hot sun. People were walking to and fro, greeting each other with smiles, occasionally stopping to talk with those they met.

"I don't know that it qualifies as a resort," Daniel continued, "but it's certainly maritime-based," he said pointing out the fishing activities taking place on the shore.

"There doesn't seem to be any mechanized transportation," Sam reported. "Or sound of industry. The buildings look to be that of a more advanced society, but it's odd there's no conveyances of any sort."

Jack looked around. Sam was right. There were no wagons, carts or even a wheel-barrow. Nothing with wheels.

"Daniel, isn't it damn near impossible to sustain a culture that appears somewhat advanced without the use of the wheel?"

"Well, no. Actually, the Incas of Peru and Ecuador had a vast empire that spanned a great portion of South America without benefit of the wheel. In fact. . ."

"I get the picture, Danny," O'Neill cut him off. "So, what do you make of this bunch?"

"From what I can tell at this distance, I'd say Greek or some other Mediterranean off-shoot."

"Teal'c? This place ring any bells for you?" Jack asked.

"I do believe I do hear bells," he stated. The rest of the team listened for a moment.

Sam's face burst into a wide grin she tried to subdue.

"Those are wind chimes, Teal'c," she said, biting her lip. "I think what the Colonel meant was do you remember this world from when you were First Prime to Apophis."

Teal'c cocked his head, as if the changing the angle of his jaw would jog some memory.

"It does not 'ring a bell' as you say. Even though the inhabitants appear Human, I do not remember coming to this world in search of Goa'uld hosts."

O'Neill nodded. "Well, we're not going to find out anything standing here. Ready, kids?"





*********





Daniel's eyes scanned the village as they neared the community. For some reason it appeared larger from the hilltop. There were definite Greek influences, among their architecture, but there was something more as well. Something almost ethereal. Perhaps it was the metallic arches that were slightly reminiscent of the Stargates. Could these people be the race who'd originally built them before the Goa'uld began using them for their own purposes? But if these *were* the builders of the 'gates, why wasn't their civilization more advanced? Had the knowledge been lost over the years? Daniel knew he'd have to talk to the inhabitants to get the information he was looking for, and he anticipated meeting them.

"Daniel," Jack said, motioning him forward. A few people stopped to observe the newcomers, and the group was growing larger by the moment.

"Daniel!" Jack said a little more forcefully.

"Oh, right," he said, stepping forward with a smile, pushing his glasses up with his index finger. He'd been so busy checking out the populace, he forgot Jack expected him to try to communicate with them.

"Greetings," a short, dark-haired woman said. The word was familiar somehow. Not a language he recognized immediately, so he tried to get her to speak a few extra words. Daniel waved his hands towards himself as if asking for more. After a few moments, the woman seemed to understand, nodding as she said,

"We are the people of Arrissa. Where are you from?"

Daniel ran the words around his mind. Greek. Ancient Greek, but not exactly the way he knew it. It was as if it were an older dialect.

"It's some form of ancient Greek," he said, turning to look at Jack.

O'Neill looked out over the crowd. "Well, ya know, Daniel, it's all Greek to me."

Sam stifled a giggle as Daniel ran an exasperated hand over his face. "Jack, can't you be serious just once?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders, loosening his death grip on his rifle. "Please, Dr. Jackson. Continue."

Daniel moved to the forefront again. "My name is Daniel Jackson, and these are my friends," he said motioning to the three behind him. "We came to your world through the Stargate."

"Star-gate?" the woman questioned.

"Yes, the ring," Daniel said, pointing in the direction they had come from.

"Oh, the Portal. Yes. It is how we all come here."

"You're not from this world either?"

"I am here to wait as the others."

"Wait?" Daniel asked, looking around at the smiling faces of the crowd.

"Yes. For the next life," she said, looking confused. "You are not waiting to be reborn?"

"Reborn? I don't understand," Daniel said, looking back and forth between his team and the small woman before him.

"What's she saying?" Jack asked.

"Something about being reborn. They call the 'gate 'the Portal' and she said it brings everyone here."

"Maybe they don't mean it literally," Sam offered. "Perhaps coming through the 'gate is symbolic of rebirth."

"Well, that makes as much sense as anything," Daniel agreed. He felt a tugging on his sleeve as the woman tried to get his attention.

"Ishandar comes."

Daniel watched as an elderly woman sedately approached the newcomers. The respect and deference the inhabitants showed her obviously marked her as someone important.

"Who is she?" Jack whispered in Daniel's ear.

"I'm not sure, some sort of leader or priestess, I think. Or both."

"Ishandar," Daniel said to the younger woman, "is that her name or is it a title?"

"Yes," she answered.

Daniel raised his eyebrows in confusion as the matriarch approached.

"Greetings, newcomers," she said, placing a hand lightly on the top of Daniel's head. She repeated the action with Teal'c, Jack and Sam.

"You are not of us, but close to us," Ishandar said.

Daniel took in the woman's appearance. Long flowing white robes while the rest of the Arrissans wore less elaborate beige garments Her long gray hair was twisted and braided and arranged on top of her head, decorated with shells of some type. Ishandar's dark, bright, eyes held the look of wisdom and grace; a quality all the people seemed to share.

"That's right," Daniel said. "We are not of your people. We come from Earth."

Ishandar smiled. "We are all from Earth at one time or another."

Daniel's face screwed up in confusion, causing Jack to nudge him.

"So?"

"So, she's some type of leader, I would guess a religious one, judging from the reaction of the crowd."

Ishandar came to stand in front of O'Neill. "You are their leader." It was a statement, not a question. Jack looked to Daniel for clarification.

"She says you're our leader."

"I guess quality shows," Jack grinned.

"Ishandar, I'm Daniel Jackson this is Colonel Jack O'Neill, Captain Samantha Carter and Teal'c," he said, introducing the members of their team. She bowed slightly to them, inspiring the team to return the gesture.

"You are welcome among my people," Ishandar said, spreading her arms wide.

"Thank you, Ishandar. Would you mind if we asked you a few questions?"

"You may ask, but please, the sun is hot. Let us go to my dwelling." Ishandar started to lead the way, Daniel in her wake.

"Hold on a second, cowboy," Jack said, grabbing Daniel by his jacket. "Where do you thing you're going?"

"With Ishandar. She said she'd answer some questions."

"Not alone, you're not. Carter, go with him. Teal'c and I will have a look around the village. That is if it's all right with Ishtar here."

"Ishandar," Daniel corrected. "She said we are welcome. I would assume that means all of us."

"Okay," Jack said looking at his watch. "Meet back here in one hour? We'll decide where to go from there."

Sam nodded at O'Neill as she passed him, but Jack stopped her before she could follow Daniel.

"Make sure it's just an hour, Carter. You know how he gets."

Sam smiled at Jack. "Yes, sir."





*********





Ishandar's marble house was smaller than Sam expected for someone of her rank, but it was cool and inviting. Daniel was already busy asking the elder questions, of which Sam caught only a word or two. She'd picked up a smattering of some ancient languages from Daniel as a result of their 'gate travel, but she was far from communicating with cultures they encountered.

Sam couldn't help smiling as she watched Daniel with Ishandar. He was so involved in her explanations, Sam was sure he'd completely forgotten she was even there. Jack had probably been right to send her along as a baby-sitter.

Ishandar indicated they should sit, while she busied herself getting refreshments for the travelers.

"She said they don't get many visitors. Those that come are waiting for the *Kipaka,* or rebirth." Daniel said as they seated themselves on cushioned mats that surrounded a low table.

"Rebirth? I'm assuming this is in figurative sense?" Sam asked.

"I would imagine. They seem like a very spiritual people from the comments Ishandar's made."

Ishandar set cool drinks before her guests, then seated herself. She took a calming breath, then nodded to Daniel.

Sam tried to keep her mind on the conversation flowing before her, but without understanding the language, she found her attention wandering. Looking about the candle-lit room, Sam noticed sticks of incense, unlit candles, crystals and more wind chimes. She couldn't help the lyrics to "New Age Girl" from slipping into her mind. *God. I've been around Jack too long,* she thought, trying to suppress a smile. She couldn't seem to exorcise the words from her thoughts. The harder she tried, the louder they became in her mind:

*I got a new age girl, (tell me what she's like) An environmentalist girl (does she ride a bike?)*

That sparked a memory in Sam. "Daniel," she cried excitedly. "Did you ask her why there's no evidence of transportation here?"

Daniel gave her an annoyed look for interrupting them. "In a minute, Sam," he answered, turning his attention to Ishandar once more.

Now she was getting impatient. Looking at her watch, Sam noticed they were close to their one hour deadline.

"Daniel, we have to wrap it up. The colonel will be waiting for us."

"Okay, yeah, I know. But you have to hear this! Ishandar claims her people were the original inhabitants of Atlantis!"

"But that's all just a myth. There's no concrete evidence Atlantis even existed," Sam said.

"From what I can gather, the Goa'uld tried to take over their civilization, take their technology, but the Atlantians refused. It wasn't a natural disaster that wiped them out. It was the Goa'uld!"

"But don't the myths speak of floods? Of Atlantis sinking?"

"Ishandar tells me it was from a chain-reaction when one of the Death Gliders hit a power generator," Daniel informed her. "I don't understand how it happened, but it makes some sense. She says the Goa'uld went to Egypt after they'd been to Atlantis. After they stole the Stargate technology."

"So these *are* the builders of the 'gates?" Sam asked in wonder. God, she had so many questions! The physics behind them, how they were able to build such a vast network, how many worlds they were on. The list was practically endless!

"There's more," Daniel said. "She tells me she knows all of this because she was there."

"What? Daniel, that's impossible! Do you think the Goa'uld stole the tech behind the sarcophagus from them as well?"

"Uh, no. It's a little more 'out there' than that."

"What do you mean?" Sam questioned.

"What do you know about reincarnation?" Daniel asked, looking back at Ishandar. Sam noticed the woman watching, waiting for her reaction.

"Not much, I know many cultures believe in it without a doubt. Why?"

"Ishandar claims to be the incarnation of a man who lived when the Goa'uld attacked Atlantis," Daniel said.

Sam's expression was incredulous. "Is that possible?"

"Well, I can't really discount anything at this point. We've seen some pretty fantastic things since we started using the Stargates."

"That's for sure," Sam mumbled under her breath.

"So, if what she says is true, how does she know what happened? I mean how does she remember it?" Sam was staring at Ishandar who simply smiled as Daniel continued with his explanation.

"She claims they have a type of genetic memory, that can be 'reactivated' during what they call 'the Awakening.' It's a ceremony that's sort of a coming of age ritual. Once an Arrissan has reached a certain age, they feel compelled to come here to have the ceremony performed. Then, they either return to the planet they were born on via the Stargate, or live out the rest of their existence here, waiting to be reborn into the next life."

"So, this planet is like a 'waiting room?'" Sam asked.

"For lack of a better term, yeah."

Sam thought about how quiet the village had been. How little was going on. It was evident from the lack of activity these people weren't looking to advance their culture, they were just existing. Waiting for the next incarnation.

"And this 'Awakening' allows them to remember their former lives? On different planets? But what good is that if they aren't really living this one?"

"This is but a wayside. If the current life is not fulfilling, we remain here. It is a place to catch our breath before we continue on to the next life. Your perception of time does not apply here."

Sam's mouth dropped open as Ishandar spoke in perfect English to her. "You speak English? But why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"I remember many languages. From all my lives. As to why I didn't speak earlier, I allowed you to experience what you thought you'd find."

"But we didn't know what to expect," Daniel said, looking over at Sam.

"You had some pre-conceived ideas once you saw our village. I simply allowed you to continue with those thoughts so I could read your pasts. I must say, you've both led some rather interesting lives."

Sam and Daniel exchanged glances once more.

"Not always together, of course, but you and your companions are an extraordinarily close group. You usually choose to come back together."

"Choose to come back?" Sam asked.

"It's a conscious choice," Ishandar said matter-of-factly. "You and the one who calls himself 'Daniel' have been friends and even family before."

Sam found herself looking at Daniel once more. She knew her face must be showing the skepticism she felt when he shrugged his shoulders.

"You do not believe me," Ishandar said without a trace of bitterness. "That does not make it any less true."

"I'm sorry, Ishandar, but as a scientist, I find the concept a bit hard to accept. I don't mean any disrespect."

"And none is taken," she smiled at Sam once more, taking her hand. "As I said, I see your past even if you do not. You have chosen these friends, again and again. Even the one you call 'Teal'c.' He chose to be a Jaffa this time to help you in your struggle against the Goa'uld."

Sam rubbed her forehead, trying not to appear rude since she didn't believe what the woman was telling her. She wasn't sure she believed in past lives, let alone that she chose to be in this place, in this time with these people.

Sam jumped at the sharp cry of, "Carter!"

"Sir?" she said, looking up at her commanding officer's irritated face.

"Carter, what time is it?"

"It's. . ." Sam looked down at her watch, noticing it was a half hour beyond their rendezvous time.

"I sent you along to keep Jackson on time. What happened?"

"Colonel, sir, I'm sorry. Ishandar was explaining about her people and. . .."

"Save it, Carter. We can talk about it later."

"And this one," Ishandar said, looking first at Jack and then to Sam, "He has been your companion in almost every existence."

"'Companion?' What's she talking about? Hey! She's speaking English!" Jack cried.

"Yes, sir. It seems she's lived a life where she spoke it," Sam said.

"Want to run that by me again?"

Daniel jumped in and gave Jack a quick synopsis of Ishandar's statements. Jack nodded his head as he listened to Daniel's explanation, but Sam could tell he wasn't buying it, any more than she had.

"And what does she mean by 'companions?'" Jack asked.

"I mean, that you and Samantha have almost always chosen to come back together," Ishandar smiled at him.

Jack tugged nervously on his nose.

"Apparently, we've all been together before," Daniel said.

Sam was still blushing from the implied meaning of "companion," when Jack cleared his throat.

"Look, I hate to break up this little party, but it's getting late and we should be getting back," Jack said, giving Sam and Daniel a hand to stand. Just then a cheer rose up outside Ishandar's door and the ground shook with an explosion.

"Death Gliders!" Teal'c warned. Instantly the team's hands were on their weapons as they ran outside, seeking refuge from the aircraft firing on the village.

"Ishandar!" Daniel cried, racing to pull the woman out of the middle of the street where she stood, arms outstretched as if making herself a more accessible target.

"Get down!" he called, trying to push her to the ground. But she shoved him away, standing once more.

"They are the bringers of the next life!" she called, her face glowing with happiness.

Daniel tried to pull her down once more, but she struggled out of his grasp.

"Let me be! I wish to go!"

"Daniel! Look out!" Sam cried as a bolt of energy impacted the ground mere inches from him. Daniel instinctively covered his head as the next blast came. This time he wasn't so lucky. The bolt struck him squarely in the left shoulder, sending him flying.

"Daniel!" Sam screamed as she ran from her hiding place to retrieve him.

"Carter! Are you nuts? Get back here!" Jack called. Together with Teal'c, he fired at the ships, trying to give Sam some cover as she hauled Daniel back to where she and Jack were holed up.

Daniel was barely conscious as Sam pulled bloody, scorched cloth away from his wound.

"It's bad, sir. We've got to get him to the 'gate."

"I'd like to oblige you, Captain, but we seem to be pinned down at the moment!" Jack yelled over the noise, firing another round into the air as the Goa'uld ships made one more pass.

Sam watched as the Arrissans were slaughtered, offering themselves in happy supplication.

"Sir! We have to help them! They're committing suicide!"

Jack adjusted his position to continue firing. "Look, Carter, since they're making themselves prime targets, they obviously don't want help. If they want to go up like a bunch of phoenixes to be reborn in the next life, I say we let 'em. We're getting outta here before someone else gets hurt or killed!" Jack looked around for Teal'c.

"Teal'c! Fall back! Head for the Stargate!"

"But, sir!" Sam protested.

"That's an order, Captain. Now on your feet!"

Between the two of them they supported Daniel's limp weight. "When the next break in the firing comes, we make a run for it."

"Yes, sir," Sam said, taking one last look at the smoking village, and Ishandar still standing outside her house, waiting for deliverance.

Half dragging, half carrying Daniel, the team made their way towards the Stargate. Funny how it didn't seem this far when they arrived, Sam thought. Fortunately, the Goa'uld seemed to have been occupied at the other end of the village, affording them a little more time to escape.

Daniel was still unconscious when their luck ran out and the Death Gliders zeroed in on four people fleeing towards the 'gate.

"Teal'c!" Jack cried over the rumble of detentions shaking the ground. "Go on ahead! Dial us outta here!"

Teal'c nodded to Jack as he fired his staff weapon at a ship that had Sam, Jack and Daniel in it's sights. The ship dropped from the sky, crashing into a stand of pines where it promptly exploded.

Sam felt something impact her temple, causing her head to snap back.

"Carter? You okay?" Jack asked as he adjusted his grip on Daniel. Sam wiped a free hand over the space before her ear, coming away with blood on her fingers. It wasn't much blood. *Must just be a scratch,* she reasoned.

"Fine, sir. Just winged."

Jack looked up. "Here they come again! Teal'c! Where the hell's that wormhole?!" Seconds later the familiar whoosh of the Stargate's activation could be seen as well as heard. Sam gave a sigh of relief. They were going to make it. They were going to get Daniel back to SGC. Back where Janet could perform another of her miracles.





*********





"Incoming travelers," a dark-haired female technician informed General Hammond. "They're sending SG-1's signal, sir."

General George Hammond looked at his watch. "A little early, aren't they?"

"Yes, sir. Approximately two hours." the technician confirmed.

"Open the iris," he ordered. "SG-1's usually over-due rather than early," the general commented to no one in particular. As a added precaution, he called for medical teams to be dispatched to the gate room. He had a bad feeling about this. General Hammond watched as Dr. Janet Fraiser rushed into the embarkation room with four gurneys. Hopefully they wouldn't need any of them.





*********





Jack stumbled out onto the metal ramp, still clutching Daniel's jacket on the right, while Sam supported him on the left. Daniel moaned but didn't waken.

"What happened?" Janet asked, helping Jack and a medic lift Daniel's slack body onto a gurney. Immediately she began checking his vital signs.

"He got hit with a bolt from a Death Glider," Jack said, trying to catch his breath. "Amazing he didn't die."

"I'll say," Janet confirmed. "How about the rest of you? Any injuries?"

"Just Carter," Jack said. "She got winged by a piece of an exploding ship."

"Sam, you all right?" the doctor asked.

"It's nothing. Take care of Daniel."

Janet began wheeling the gurney out of the room as she called back to the remainder of the team,

"I want to see you all before the debriefing. Got that?"

Jack gave a sigh of relief, turning to Sam and Teal'c. "At least we made it out of there. Hey, Carter? What's with the look? We got Danny back! He'll be fine!" Jack started to place his arm around Sam's shoulders as a gesture of comfort when she collapsed to the metal ramp.

"Sam? Oh my, God! Get one of the medics back in here!" Jack cried as he tried to catch her. Blood began trickling out of the small laceration on her temple, but it was the only thing Jack could see wrong with her. What had caused her to fall like that? Surely not this minor cut?

A medic rushed in with another gurney as Jack and Teal'c gently placed the inert captain on the white padding.

"Christ! What else can go wrong with this mission!" Jack raged, rubbing his hands over his face.

Teal'c looked over at the Colonel. "I know you are concerned about Danieljackson and Captaincarter, but anger will not help them."

Jack gazed at the imposing man, knowing he was right, but he couldn't help but feel responsible. They were members of his team. He was responsible whether their injuries were accidental or not.

Just then General Hammond burst into the embarkation room.

"What happened out there, Colonel?"

"Well, we made contact with another ancient Earth culture and things were going great until the Goa'uld showed up. Daniel got hit trying to save one of the natives."

"And Captain Carter?"

"I'm not sure, sir. She said she'd gotten nicked by a piece of flying metal. One minute she was fine and the next she's laid out on the ramp. General, with your permission I'd like to go to the infirmary. I need to see how they're doing."

"By all means. And you and Teal'c make sure you're checked out as well. If Captain Carter's suffering from something she brought back, I want to make sure you two have a clean bill of health. We'll debrief when Dr. Fraiser is through with you."

Jack nodded before nearly sprinting from the gate room.





*********





Jack stood in Janet's office watching her work on Daniel. He wished he could be closer, to see what was going on, but it was as near as she would allow him to come to her patient. Occasionally she would look up, asking questions of the doctor working on Sam. Jack didn't recognize him, but assumed he was competent. Janet wouldn't allow just anyone to look after one of her best friends.

Damn it, what was taking so long? What was wrong with Sam that she was still unconscious? Jack couldn't see very well through the slats of the blinds, but it looked like Sam's doctor extracted something from her wound. He couldn't even see it at this distance, but assumed it was a fragment from the exploded ship.

He looked up as Teal'c joined him in the infirmary's office.

"Is there any word?" he asked.

"Nothing yet," Jack said, returning his gaze to his two friends. "It looks like the other doc pulled something out of Carter, but she's still out of it. Daniel's been sedated, so I doubt he'll wake up anytime soon. Looks like Janet's bandaging him up. We should hear something soon."

Jack didn't know if he'd kept up the running commentary to inform Teal'c or to reassure himself. Lately, he felt like his team spent more time in the infirmary than their own homes or base quarters.

"General Hammond is most anxious to speak with us," Teal'c informed him.

Jack snorted. "I'll bet. If he just wants to waive our physicals, I'd be happy to see him now."

"The general would not wish to meet with us under those circumstances," Teal'c stated.

"Yeah, I know. Can't blame a guy for trying, though, right?"

Teal'c just angled his head at Jack as a form of acknowledgment. Jack stood up straighter as he noticed Janet heading towards Sam's bed, questioning her attending physician. He didn't like the look on her face nor the fact she was shaking her head. What the hell was going on in there?

Janet looked up, noticing them standing in her office. Starting to head towards them, her attention was immediately drawn back to Sam who'd gone into convulsions.

Jack couldn't take it any more, rushing past Teal'c, he ran into the infirmary.

"What's wrong with her?" he demanded.

"I'm trying to find out, now leave, Colonel!"

Janet ignored Jack as she tried to hold Sam on the bed. Two orderlies brushed passed him, grabbing Sam's arms and legs as soon as they reached her bed.

"Hey! Take it easy!" He shouted at them but they weren't paying attention to him.

Janet looked up, angry he was still in the room. "Colonel, you have to leave, or I'll have you removed! I promise I'll tell you the minute I know anything!"

Jack remained rooted to the spot until he felt Teal'c's hand on his shoulder.

"O'Neill. We can do nothing. Allow the doctors to do their work."

Slowly, Jack relaxed and allowed his friend to remove him to Janet's office. During the excitement he didn't notice Daniel was missing.

"Where's Daniel?"

"They have moved him to the recovery area," Teal'c informed him. Jack sat on the edge of Janet's desk, rubbing his face with his hands. He had to get a grip, he told himself. Sam and Daniel were in good hands. There was nothing more he could do right now.





*********





Once given a clean bill of health, Jack grabbed a quick shower and donned a clean pair of fatigues before meeting with the general. Sitting in the briefing room, he tapped his fingers nervously, wishing the meeting was over so he could get back to the infirmary.

"Okay, Colonel. What happened?" General Hammond asked, opening the meeting.

"Sir, up until the time the Goa'uld started using the Arrissan's for target practice, everything was fine. Nice people, nice town, nice weather."

General Hammond gave him a trying look, causing Jack to recount their mission from the time they'd stepped though the Stargate.

"And what about this leader or headwoman you spoke of?"

"Well, sir, I'm afraid we're going to have to wait for either Captain Carter or Daniel on that one. They're the ones who spoke with her at length."

"That doesn't seem like it'll be a possibility in the near future," Janet spoke.

The general turned to Dr. Fraiser. "What is the condition of Dr. Jackson and Captain Carter?"

"Daniel's suffering from tissue damage and burns from the energy weapon that fired on him. I'm fairly certain in time, he'll recover the use of his arm, although he may need plastic surgery for his burns."

Jack winced. A long, painful recovery, if indeed he did fully recover.

"And Captain Carter?" the general prompted.

"I'm not sure, sir."

"Not sure?" Jack cried. "What the hell do you mean? She was *fine* when she came through the 'gate!"

"That's why I'm not sure what to make of all this. True, her wound is superficial but it seems to be the location, in conjunction with the metal fragment that seems to be causing the problem."

"Wait a second. I'm confused here. What exactly is wrong with her?" Jack asked.

Janet hesitated for a moment, looking at the general, Teal'c and himself. "She's in a coma."

"A coma? From a nick to the head?" Jack exclaimed.

"As I said, it was the location and the metal fragment," she said, pulling a plastic bag out of the pocket of her lab coat, placing it on the table. General Hammond picked up the bag, examining it's contents before handing it to Jack. It wasn't much bigger than a pea, slightly spherical, but with jagged edges. He could see how this could do some damage, depending on the velocity of the object when it struck Carter, but put her in a coma? He told the doctor as much.

"I agree, but Sam was having a reaction to the metal as well. I think it might have something to do with the residual naquada in her system. It could be why she went into convulsions earlier."

"Like she was allergic, or something?" Jack asked.

"Yes, similar to that."

Jack stood, pacing the briefing room. "So what are the chances of this happening, like a million to one? A billion to one? How can she be in a coma from a BB?"

"Colonel, I know this seems pretty unbelievable, but it's the only explanation I have. I looked for everything."

Jack sighed, giving her a weak smile. "I know you did, Doc. It's just so hard to comprehend. I mean this mission was such a cake-walk and now I've got two members of my team lying in the infirmary for God knows how long."

"When do you expect Captain Carter to regain consciousness?" the general asked.

"I'm not sure, sir," Janet answered. "Quite frankly she should be awake now, so I can't make any estimates on when she'll actually wake up."

"Well, people, until we can get some more information from either Dr. Jackson or Captain Carter, P6J-847 is off-limits. Colonel, in light of the fact you haven't got much of a team, SG-1 is on downtime until further notice. It'll give you some time to catch up on all those reports you owe me. Dismissed."

Jack started to head for the door when General Hammond stopped him.

"Son, I know how you feel, but you couldn't help what happened out there today. There's no sense beating yourself up about it."

"Yes, sir," Jack answered automatically, knowing until Sam and Daniel were back on their feet he couldn't begin to forgive himself. If he ever did.

The general clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile which Jack tried to return, but didn't quite achieve.

"Get some rest, son,"

"Yes, sir." Jack replied again, knowing full well he intended to ignore his commander's advice.





*********





Jack stood over Daniel's bed watching the diodes on his monitors flash. They beeped steadily, reassuring him, that in time, Daniel would be okay. Jack felt a presence behind him and looked up slightly into Teal'c's concerned face.

"He's gonna be all right," Jack said, as if he were trying to relieve his own conscience instead of his Jaffa friend.

"Dr. Fraiser feels he will not wake until morning. Perhaps it would be wise for us to rest as well."

"You go ahead," Jack said. "I want to check on Carter."

"I understand. I will accompany you."

Jack gave Teal'c a quick half-smile. He didn't want to admit he'd be grateful for the company.

Sam was on the other side of the infirmary, surrounded by more equipment than Daniel. It was the first time he'd seen her since she'd collapsed on the 'gate ramp. He couldn't believe this was the same woman he worked with nearly every day. She was so pale, she could have been dead. There was an oxygen mask strapped over her mouth and nose, and an IV slowly dripping fluids into her left hand.

"She does not look well," Teal'c said, stating the obvious. Jack was so shocked at Sam's appearance, he didn't even have a smart come-back for him.

Janet walked up, placing a hand on Jack's arm, giving him a concerned smile. "I know she looks pretty bad, but if she comes out of this soon, I'm sure she'll be fine."

"And what if she doesn't?" Jack asked. "Isn't there a chance of brain damage or something?"

"Yesss," Janet said, obviously trying to choose her words carefully. "But let's not worry about that right now, shall we? Maybe you could try talking to her," she suggested. "It's helped in some cases."

Jack looked at Teal'c, feeling rather foolish talking to Sam like this in front of everyone. Janet seemed to sense his hesitation, saying,

"Come on, Teal'c. I think the colonel could use a little privacy."

Teal'c inclined his head towards Jack, following Janet out of the infirmary. The trouble was, even alone he felt silly talking to Sam's inert body.

"Uh, hey, Carter," he started, taking his index finger trailing it down her arm. Her skin felt so cold, if he hadn't seen the monitors registering her breathing, he wouldn't have believed she was.

Picking up her hand, Jack tried to warm it between his own. "Come on, Sam. You have to wake up or you might lose some of that techno-babble you love to torment me with," he joked. It was so eerie the way she lay there, not acknowledging his words.

"If you don't wake up, who's going to laugh at my stupid jokes? I mean, Danny tolerates them, but Teal'c doesn't have a clue. You're the only one who can truly appreciate how sick I really am!"

Jack ran a hand over her forehead, brushing her tousled hair back from her face. "Well, since I have a captive audience, did I ever tell you about every single one of my exploits in the Gulf?" He looked for a chair. This was going to take awhile.





*********





Janet looked out her office window. Jack was still sitting next to Sam's bed. Or more precisely, sitting next to Sam's bed with his head resting on his hands that were clasped around hers. She could tell he'd dozed off. What was it about that man that he refused to heed anyone's advice when it came to his own well-being? Maybe he hadn't been injured, but he was exhausted from the mission just the same. He needed rest, and if she had to call the MPs in to drag him back to his quarters, she would.

The sound of her heels on the floor didn't wake him as Janet approached.

"Colonel," she said, waiting a moment before addressing him again, gently shaking his shoulder.

Jack looked up, eyes bleary as he tried to focus on where he was. As if he realized he'd been slumped over Sam, he quickly released her hand, giving Janet a sheepish grin.

"Colonel, I thought I told you hours ago to go and get some sleep."

"You also told me to talk to Sam," he pointed out. "I was only half-way through my first tour of duty."

Janet laughed. "You're supposed to be trying to wake her up, not put her into a deeper coma! Seriously, you need to get some rest. I'll make it an order if I have to."

Jack looked down at Sam and gave her hand a squeeze. "Okay, Doc. You win. How's Daniel?"

"Still under the effects of sedation, which I expected. Now. You. Gone. And I don't want to see you in here before six a.m., is that clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Jack replied, snapping off a smart salute, giving Sam one last look before he exited the infirmary.

Stifling a yawn, Janet watched him go. Perhaps she should take her own advice and get some rest. There was nothing more she could do tonight. Thinking back to the parting look Jack gave Sam, she had to smile.

"Just one of the guys, my ass," she mumbled to herself, turning off excess lights as she left the room.





*********





It was six a.m. on the dot when Jack re-entered the infirmary. Janet was about to lecture him when he pointed to the clock, cocky grin on his face.

"Guess I should have made that seven a.m.," she said.

"How're they doing?"

"I expect Daniel to wake anytime. I guess I could say the same for Sam as well." As if their conversation was a cue, Daniel let out a sigh that quickly turned into a moan.

"Where am I?" he croaked out of his dry throat.

"You're in the infirmary," Janet informed him, flashing a light in his eyes checking the reaction of his pupils. "Do you know who I am?" she asked.

"Yeah, Janet. Could I have some water?"

Janet looked up at Jack, "Looks good, so far." She helped him sit up a little straighter, letting him sip some water from the cup she held.

"Not too much. Just wet your throat."

"Thanks," Daniel said. "That's much better." He blinked several times, then his eyes settled on Jack.

"Jack! We made it!"

"Yeah, no thanks to you," he teased.

Daniel pushed his lank hair off his forehead. "What happened?"

"You got hit from one of the energy blasts from a Death Glider. Pretty amazing you lived though it."

"I'm tougher than I look," Daniel said, trying to smile. "Teal'c? Sam?"

"Teal'c's fine, in fact I expect him to be here any minute."

"What about Sam?" Daniel asked, looking between the doctor and Jack.

"You can probably explain it better," Jack said, turning his back as Janet explained Sam's status to Daniel. It wouldn't do for Daniel to see how emotional he was over Sam's condition. He knew there was no reason for him to feel guilty over what happened to her--it was an accident--but he couldn't help feeling responsible, just as he did about Daniel.

"I vaguely remember you guys carrying me," Daniel said, "but I don't remember Sam getting hit. God! I can't believe she's in a coma!"

Jack turned around. "You and me both, buddy." Just then Teal'c walked in.

"Danieljackson. It is good to see you are awake again."

"Teal'c! It's good to see you too! You didn't get hurt?"

"I am unharmed. O'Neill and I suffered no injuries."

*Thanks, Teal'c* Jack thought. *Nice way to rub it in that I get off without a scratch while Sam's in a coma and Daniel might lose the use of his arm.*

Changing the subject, Jack told Daniel, "General Hammond has a lot of questions for you about Ishandar and her people. I told him he'd have to ask either you or Carter, so when you're up to it. . ."

"Which won't be for awhile," Janet interjected.

". . .the general wants to talk to you."

"I understand. Jack, you wouldn't believe what she told us! Sam and I think these may be the people who built the 'gates!"

"Easy, tiger! I know you're dying to talk about this, but I think you need a little more recuperation time before you go off on one of your little tangents."

"Exactly," Janet said. Now, perhaps you'll respect that advice and let him get some rest?"

"I would like to stay if that is possible," Teal'c said.

Janet sighed. "Okay, you've got five minutes, but that's all for now!"

Jack patted Teal'c's arm. "I'll go see how Carter's doing."

He approached her bed slowly, wondering what to say. What difference did it make what he said? Chances are she wouldn't hear it anyway. It was weird, but once he'd broken the ice and gotten used to her not responding, there was something almost soothing about talking to her.

"Morning, Sam. Miss me? I wouldn't have gone, you know, if Janet hadn't made me." He paused for a moment, then continued. "I don't like the thought of you being here alone. Well, I know Janet and Daniel are here, but you know what I mean, don't you?"

He pulled up his chair again, picking up her hand. It was still limp and cold, almost making him cringe.

"What's it like in there?" he asked, tapping her forehead lightly. "Are you dreaming? Is it scary? Well, if it is, then wake up and let us chase the monsters away, because you're sure giving me some nightmares."

What little sleep he'd gotten had been riddled with bad dreams. Over and over he saw her getting hit, then the scene in the 'gate room where she'd passed out. And in between his dreams of her, there were visions of Daniel getting shot, and Sam rushing out to save him, heedless of her own safety.

"You can be pretty stupid sometimes, Carter." It didn't seem to matter he'd spoken words in response to what he'd been thinking. Sam wasn't there to get confused, anyway.





*********





A week went by, then two with no change in Sam's condition. Jack could tell Janet was getting worried by the constant frown on the doctor's face. She tried to remain up-beat, mostly for Sam's concerned friends, but Jack wasn't fooled by her words of comfort. Sam was losing this race.

Daniel was up, moving around, although he tired easily. Janet still hadn't cleared him for a briefing with Hammond and everyone was getting edgy. The general wanted answers, Daniel wanted to give them, and the whole question of Sam's recovery weighed heavily on all off them.

Jack hadn't been home since before the mission to P6J-847, and spent more time in the infirmary than out of it. For a man who couldn't stand to be in the place when there was a medical reason, he didn't seem to have any qualms about it now.

They all took turns talking to Sam, but Jack was by her side the most, refusing to believe she wouldn't come out of this. He picked up her hand, holding it so tightly she probably would have yelled had she been conscious.

"Come on, Sam. Ya gotta wake up," he pleaded. "What about that arm wrestle you promised me? I think you're chicken. You've had plenty of opportunities to take me up on it, but you always find some excuse to back out of it. So come on. Let's see what you got. Wake up and put me in my place."

As he expected, there was no response. Not even a finger twitched. She was his friend, his second-in-command, and he needed her. What would happen if Hammond replaced her on SG-1? The whole dynamic of the team would change. He couldn't believe there was a time he'd actually argued against her being a member of his team. Daniel either. The thought of breaking in a new 2IC made him groan. He'd just gotten used to knowing what to expect of Sam in a combat situation, and now he might have to go through that all again with some new guy? That in itself was enough to beg whatever supreme being to bring her back.





*********





Sam felt like she was floating, like she was hovering mere inches over the ground, weightless. It was a pleasant feeling. She stood on the edge of a vast sea, but the water, or liquid it was comprised of, looked thicker than water. The way the gentle waves moved reminded her of oil. But when she stuck her feet into the fluid on the shore, it felt like water. And it was warm. And she was so cold. It would only take a few steps for her to be completely immersed in the ocean's welcoming warmth. Somewhere in the distance she heard the sound of tinkling bells. Wind chimes, her mind told her, and for a second she had a fleeting thought of having discussed wind chimes with someone, but she couldn't remember who it was, or what they looked like. Another step forward and the liquid was up to her knees. It felt right that she enter the dark, warm space.

"Sam. . . ." she heard off in the distance. "Don't go."

She couldn't see anyone on the shore, had no idea where the voice was coming from, but it was familiar somehow. She trusted that voice. She didn't know how or why, only that it caused her to stop her entrance into the sea. To question her action.

"Please come back. . . ."

"Who are you?" she called. There was no answer. "Where are you?" she tried. Still no response. She was curious, now. Even though it meant leaving the comforting warmth surrounding her, she felt compelled to seek out the owner of the voice. Suddenly a name flashed through her mind. A face. Care-worn, worried, tired. She knew that face, and somehow knew she was the cause of his distress. The name flashed though her mind again.

Jack. . . .





*********





"Jack. . . ."

It wasn't much more than a whisper, but he'd heard it plain as day. His name. She said his name!

"Janet!" he cried, "I think she's coming around!" Jack had never seen the doctor move so fast as she dashed into the infirmary. Pushing him out of the way, Janet began to check Sam's vital signs.

"You have to leave, Jack. I need some room to work on her!"

He knew if he didn't obey her, she'd have him removed, so he backed off, letting Janet and the other doctor do their work. If he were quiet, maybe they'd forget he was in the room. There was no way he was leaving her now!

Medical terminology flew around him so fast, Jack couldn't comprehend what they were doing to her. Someone must have informed Daniel and Teal'c Sam was waking up because they hurried through the door, heading for Jack. Teal'c was supporting Daniel by the time they reached him.

"What's happening?" Daniel asked, breathless.

"I think she's coming out of it. She said my name." Tense minutes passed as the three men waited for some acknowledgment from Dr. Fraiser. Suddenly there was a new beeping sound. It was steady, and Jack gave a sigh of relief.

"She's breathing without the oxygen," Janet confirmed, exhaling a breath herself.

"She's going to be all right?" Daniel asked, pressing closer.

"What are you doing here? I thought I told you to leave!" she said, staring at Jack "You shouldn't be roaming the corridors," she said, moving her gaze to Daniel. "And you shouldn't be letting him," she said to Teal'c.

"Look, Doc. We'll stay out of your way. Just don't ask us to go."

Janet shook her head in exasperation, "All right, Jack, but the minute you're in my way. . .."

"We're outta here. Got it."





*********





Janet turned her attention back to Sam, checking her reflexes, asking questions.

"Sam, do you know where you are?"

Sam's gaze roamed around the room before she answered, "No. I don't. Where am I?"

"It's okay, Sam. You're in the infirmary. Do you know who I am?"

Sam licked her parched lips. "I should but I can't quite. . . ."

"It's Janet," she said. "Dr. Fraiser."

"Fraiser. . . ." Sam said, testing the name.

"Yes, do you remember?"

"No. . . ."

Janet looked up at the doctor beside her, then back down at Sam. "What's the last thing you do remember?"

"Could I have some water, please?" Janet gave her a sip before asking her question again.

"Sam, I need to know, what's the last thing you remember?"

"I. . .I don't know. It's all kind of fuzzy."

"That's understandable. You've been unconscious for nearly two weeks."

"Two weeks. . . ." Sam said, as if the length of time didn't really impress her.

"Do you know your name?"

"You called me 'Sam,'" she said looking down at herself she added. "I don't look like a 'Sam.'"

Janet smiled. "It's short for Samantha. At least you haven't lost your sense of humor." Sam gave her a weak smile, obviously having missed the joke.

"Do you know your last name?"

Sam concentrated for a moment before she answered, "I don't think so."

Janet was beginning to become concerned. While disorientation wasn't unusual, after this amount of time in a coma, something's should have been coming back to her. She looked over at the worried faces of Sam's comrades. Maybe she'd remember them since she worked so closely with them.

"Would you all come closer?" Janet said. "I want to see if she remembers any of you."

"Is something wrong, Doc?" Jack asked, the first to Sam's side.

"I'm not sure. I just wanted to see if she remembers you."

Jack stepped forward, automatically picking up Sam's hand. "Hey, Sam. How're you feeling?"

"I'm a little confused," she said, looking into his eyes.

"Doc says that's to be expected."

Janet watched as Sam continued to stare at Jack as if she couldn't put her finger on where she knew him from.

"Do I know you?" she asked hesitantly.

"Quit kidding around, Carter! You just called me 'Jack!'"

"Jack?"

"Yeah, and here's Danny and Teal'c," he said, pulling the others forward.

"Hi Sam," Daniel said, giving her a warm smile. "Glad to see you among the land of the living again."

"Captaincarter," Teal'c said, bowing his head. "It is good to have you back."

Sam looked at the men before her, but her face remained blank.

"You don't remember us?" Daniel asked, looking over at Janet.

Instead of answering his question, Sam stated, "You're hurt."

"Yeah," Daniel grinned. "A little souvenir from P6J-847."

"P6. . . ."

"J-847," Daniel finished. You don't remember that, either?"

"I. . . ."

"Okay, guys, that's enough for now. I'll let you know when she can have visitors again. We have some more tests to run." Knowing she wasn't going to be rid of SG-1 that easily, she said,

"You can wait in my office if you like. Teal'c, make sure Daniel doesn't over-do it, okay?"

"I shall watch over him like a hen's mother," he said.

"That's 'mother hen,'" Jack mumbled, dragging Teal'c towards Janet's office.

Janet shook her head as she returned to Sam's side. What a bunch they made.

"Janet? Should I have known them?"

"Yes, but if you don't right now, that's all right," she said, giving Sam's arm a reassuring pat.

"The first man I talked to? Jack? He, uh, is he. . . ."

"What, Sam?"

"Is he my husband?"

Janet almost choked. "You're husband? No, he's not your husband. He's your commanding officer. Why did you think he was your husband?"

Sam seemed a little flustered. "I don't know. He seems familiar somehow, in a way the others didn't. And the way he picked up my hand," she said raising it to look at her fingers, "It just seemed kind of intimate."

"Well, you're very close friends. You all are. Maybe that's what you're feeling."

"That must be it," Sam said. "You mentioned he's my commanding officer? I'm in the military?"

"Yes, Air Force to be exact."

Sam started to laugh.

"What's so funny," Janet asked, feeling herself begin to smile.

"Well, I absolutely *hate* guns. I can't imagine being in a profession where I'd have to use one!"

Janet's smile slipped. "You can remember a thing like hating guns, but you don't know your closest friends?"

"Kind of bizarre, huh?"

"Sam, I think we really need to run those tests now."





*********





Jack paced Janet's office, occasionally spreading the blinds to get a view of what was going on in the infirmary.

"Jack, will you relax? Wearing a hole in the floor isn't going to make the tests go any faster," Daniel said. "Besides, you're making me dizzy," he smiled, getting Jack to do the same.

"It is a relief in itself that Captaincarter has won her battle and regained consciousness" Teal'c said.

"You're right," Jack said trying to sit in a chair. It lasted all of a minute.

Jack had resumed his pacing as Janet walked into her office rubbing her forehead.

"We've got the old good news and bad news scenario. Which do you want to hear first?"

"Good news," Daniel said.

"Bad news," Jack offered.

"I have no opinion," Teal'c added.

"Guess it's my call then. Good news is, Sam is awake and doesn't seem to have suffered any physical side effects from the coma. Bad news is, she's got some pretty major gaps in her memory."

"You mean amnesia," Daniel said.

"Yes. Now this isn't unusual. The strange part is she remembers some things with absolute clarity. Like language skills. She doesn't have any trouble in communicating. Motor and other autonomic functions seem to be normal as well. She also appears to have a rather strong sense of what she likes, and what she doesn't like."

"For example?" Jack asked.

"The fact she doesn't remember being in the Air Force and how she says she hates guns. Not just doesn't like them. She loathes them. Said she'd never have one in her house."

"Carter?" Jack incredulously. "She's not exactly the poster girl for the NRA, but she certainly hasn't had any problems carrying or using a weapon before!"

"The key word here being 'before.'"

"Okay, so what else is different," Daniel asked.

"Well, she remembers nothing of being in the service, nothing about SGC or the Stargate. Nothing of her training in astrophysics. And," Janet paused, "nothing about any of you."

"Isn't this all a little cliché?" Jack asked.

"Then it should be right up your alley." Daniel commented.

"So why just these memories? Isn't it a little odd that her personality's just been erased, leaving everything else?" Jack asked, ignoring Daniel's jibe.

"Oh, she's got plenty of personality," Janet said with a knowing grin. "She asked if you were her husband!"

"Her what?! Where the hell did she get that idea?"

"From you, apparently. She says she feels as if she knows you, but doesn't know from where. Daniel and Teal'c didn't ring a bell."

"More ringing bells," Teal'c said.

"She said you were the first person she saw when she woke up, and assumed from the way you were holding her hand, maybe you were involved."

Jack started to blush. "So, it's a crime to hold someone's hand?"

Janet and Daniel were doing their best not to laugh, but Jack was getting more embarrassed by the moment. Sure, he liked Carter, but not in that way!

"Look, I think she remembers more than she's letting on. I don't know why she's doing this. Maybe as a joke or something."

"I don't think so, Colonel. If she is, then she should be an actress instead of a soldier."

"Janet, she called me 'Jack' when she woke up. Now you're telling me she doesn't remember me?"

Janet looked him square in the eye. "I don't think that's what she said. She swears she doesn't know you."

Jack gazed around at the occupants of the room. "I know what I heard. She said my name!"

"Look, Colonel, you're tired. This has been an emotional two weeks. You don't think it's possible you could have imagined it since you wanted it so badly?"

Jack didn't know what to say. Could he have imagined it? He didn't think so, but it wasn't worth getting into an argument over.

"Maybe, I don't know," he said, scrubbing his face with his hands.. "Can I see her?"

"She's sleeping. Believe it or not her body still needs rest after something like this."

"We need to tell the General," Jack said, looking at the rest of his team. "You should be there too," he said to Janet.

"Just give me a minute to gather some notes and I'll join you in the briefing room."





*********





Hammond was actually the last person to enter the room. Everyone stood, waiting for the general to motion them to their seats.

"Gentlemen, Dr. Fraiser. What can you tell me?"

Janet gave a brief summary of Sam's condition while Jack paced, staring out the window over-looking the 'gate room. He still couldn't believe her life had effectively been erased. It was almost if a stranger were lying in the infirmary. Maybe if Janet had allowed him to talk to her, he would have been able to stir up some recent memories, but she'd insisted no one disturb her for the next twenty-four hours.

Jack was brought back into the meeting by Hammond asking Janet how much detail she'd gone into when questioning Sam about the Stargate program.

"Well, sir, I just asked her if the words meant anything to her. I didn't tell her what it was. I was hoping she'd remember and tell me."

"I hate to say this, in light of what an asset Captain Carter is to this program, but if she doesn't remember her work here, she could be a threat to security."

"General, please! You think Sam's going to get out of bed and run to the first tabloid?"

"Colonel, at the moment I don't know what Captain Carter is capable of.. I don't think any of us are."

"I know Sam wouldn't betray us," Daniel stated vehemently.

"Under normal conditions I would agree with you," Hammond said. "I'm not saying she'd purposely give away classified information. She might do so without realizing it. All I'm saying is she's not allowed any deeper into the facility than the infirmary, and no mention about the Stargate, SGC or your work here will be discussed with her. Is that clear?"

Jack grit his teeth. "Yes, sir."

Janet, Daniel and Teal'c echoed his response.

"But what if showing her around down here could jog a memory, or something? Seeing the Stargate might serve as a catalyst." Daniel said.

"I'm sorry, son, but we just can't take that chance."

"It's okay, Danny. We'll find some way to help her without breaching security," Jack said, placing his hand on Daniel's good shoulder.

"All right," Daniel said. "But if she asks me about any of this, I won't lie to her."

"Fair enough. I want her back on the team as much as you do," Hammond said. "Now, Dr. Jackson. How about that report you owe me on P6J-847?

Daniel sorted through his notes, launching into a lecture on Arrissan culture, but Jack couldn't keep his mind on the meeting. He'd heard most of this before in the hours they'd waited by Sam's bedside. Not that the concept of the Arrissans building the original 'gate network wasn't intriguing, he just couldn't seem to get his mind off Sam.

What was she going to do if she didn't remember how to be a soldier or an astrophysicist? Work at McDonalds? The thought of her brilliant mind now being out of reach was almost as depressing as if she'd died. In a way, she had. Maybe if she didn't remember how smart she was, she wouldn't miss it. But then who's to say because her memories weren't functioning her intellect wasn't? Jack shook his head. This was getting a little too philosophical for him.

"Colonel, do you have something to add?" Hammond asked.

"No, sir. I think Daniel covered it all."

"Very well. I'm keeping SG-1 on downtime for the next week or so.. We'll review again at that time. Dismissed."

Well, that was it, Jack thought. Janet wouldn't let him near the infirmary until morning, so there was nothing keeping him at the base that evening. But the thought of returning to his empty house didn't seem like much of an option. Take Teal'c out for a beer? Nah, that wasn't a good choice either. He never realized how much he'd come to depend on his friends at SGC to see him though downtime. Any other time he would have been grateful for a little solitude, but today, the thought of going home just seemed... lonely. Too bad Janet wouldn't let Daniel out of her sight yet. Even if they couldn't go out, they could hang together. But Daniel looked wiped out just from sitting in the briefing room; he wouldn't be much company either.

There really was no reason for him to leave the base, other than to collect his mail that'd piled up, but he knew getting out would be good for him. Get his mind off his injured friends. It's what he'd make them to do if they were in his shoes, he told himself. So, Jack did the unthinkable. He took his own advice.





*********





Samantha lay on in her bed, staring at the ceiling of the infirmary, trying to remain still so the staff wouldn't give her a sedative. She wanted a clear head. So much seemed foggy as it was, she didn't need chemicals messing with what little she could remember.

Okay. This Dr. Fraiser--Janet--claimed they were friends. She didn't have a reason to doubt her, after all, she'd been nothing but kind and understanding. She'd told her she was in the Air Force. God, it was enough to make her laugh! Her? In the military? While she couldn't seem to remember any other occupation, the thought of herself in that kind of ridged hierarchy seem preposterous. Janet also mentioned astrophysics. That seemed a bit of a stretch, too. Didn't you have to be smart to do something like that? She sure didn't feel very smart at the moment.

She'd overheard parts of the report Janet had given the men waiting in her office. How her language and motor skills were intact. Well, that was obvious since she'd been talking to all of them. Trying to describe the sensations she'd experienced, Samantha told her it was like waking from a dream, trying to grasp the images before they slipped away, but they had. Certain things held what she'd call a "resonance" for her, like this medical facility, and Jack, the man she assumed to be her husband. And why did she think she was married? Raising her hand, there wasn't a ring or other evidence she was married. Maybe it was just the way he'd looked at her, that made her think they were connected somehow.

The other men looked at her with warm affection, but it was different. Again it was something she just couldn't put her finger on, and trying to force it into her mind was giving her a headache. And not just any headache. This one came on swiftly, hitting her between the eyes as if she'd literally been stabbed.

Samantha let out a moan, the pain was so intense. Her outcry roused a nurse.

"Captain Carter? What is it?"

"Headache," she gasped. "Bad one."

"I'll get Dr. Fraiser," the young woman informed her, hurrying back out of sight. Samantha raised her free hand to rub her forehead in an attempt to ease the pain, but it didn't help. Tears were slipping out of her eyes as she bit her lip in an effort not to cry out.

Janet ran into the room. "Sam, what's wrong?"

"Headache. It just came out of nowhere," she said, taking a great lung full of air to keep her voice from shaking. She heard Janet riffling though a medical cabinet, and watched her inject something into her IV.

"That should start to work pretty quick," Janet said, soothing Samantha's sweat-soaked hair off her brow. The doctor waited a few moments then asked, "That better?"

"Um hmm."

Samantha could hear the concern in the Janet's voice. "What brought this on?"

"I'm not sure. I was trying to remember something, trying to see if I could recall anything about my life in the Air Force, or with those men you said are my friends."

"Ah, well there's your problem," Janet smiled. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's dangerous to think?"

Samantha gave her a weak grin.

"I think you'll sleep better, now. And don't try so hard to remember. It'll come back to you in time. See you in the morning," Janet said, pulling the covers up over Samantha's free arm. She wanted to say something, but was too drowsy. Damn. She'd ended up getting sedated anyway. . . .





*********





A week had passed and still Janet wouldn't release Sam. Jack visited everyday, staying until the doctor kicked him out, only to return to home and wait for the next day when he could check on Sam. He felt sorry for her, subjected to every test Janet could think of. From physical, to psychological to everything in between, Sam was poked, prodded and questioned until she couldn't think straight. Interrogators could take a lesson from well-meaning doctors, Jack thought.

Daniel had finally been released and Jack helped settle him and Teal'c in Daniel's cluttered apartment.

"God, it's good to be home," Daniel sighed, sinking into his couch. He winced as he leaned back, so he took it slowly.

"Can I get you something, Danny?" Jack offered.

"How about a beer?"

"Perhaps that would not be wise," Teal'c advised. "Dr. Fraiser specifically stated that the combination of alcohol and pain killers would not be the best course of action."

"Come on, Teal'c! One beer! Maybe I'll finally get some sleep tonight," Daniel whined.

"Yeah, let the kid have a beer, Dad. Get me one while you're in there," Jack said, grateful Teal'c headed for the refrigerator so he didn't have to argue with him. He felt like all he did these days was argue. Fight with Janet about letting Sam out of the infirmary. Going up against Hammond about keeping Sam out of the loop.

"When do you think Janet will finally let Sam go?" Daniel asked, talking a big sip of his beer.

"You reading my mind again, Daniel?" Jack teased. He supposed it wasn't too much of a guess where his thoughts were these days.

"I mean, how many more tests can she perform?"

"You're preaching to the choir, Danny Boy. I've been bugging the Doc to let her go for days. She says she doesn't want her to be alone."

"So, offer to baby-sit," Daniel said, as if the solution were obvious. "I'd offer, but it seems I've got my own watch-dog," he said, nodding at Teal'c who was seated in an overstuffed chair, but didn't look relaxed.

"Danieljackson is correct. I have more than full hands taking care of him."

"Hands full. You have your hands full taking care of Daniel," Jack corrected.

"As I said."

"Besides, she seems to have taken to you more than the rest of us," Daniel said, hiding his smile by taking another sip of beer.

"That's just because I hang around so much," Jack added, his tone defensive.

"Sure, Jack. Whatever."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing! Only that you guys have something going on between you. Maybe it's a military thing, I don't know. I didn't mean anything by it!"

Jack tried to relax into his chair once more. The last thing he or Carter needed were rumors flying around the base that there was something going on between them. If he asked Janet to release Sam into his care, he might as well broadcast it on the P.A. system. But how could he just leave her there? How was she supposed to get better, remember who she was by staying locked up in the infirmary? Her quarters on base were no better. They were little more than a cell, certainly not conducive to sparking any warm and fuzzy memories.

"You're right, Daniel. She can't stay there. I'll talk to Janet tomorrow."

". . . .S'good Jack," Daniel mumbled as his head fell forward, asleep.

"Give me a hand, will you, Teal'c?" Jack asked, standing and crossing over to where Daniel was slumped on the couch.

Together they managed to pull Daniel over so he was lying on his good side. "Any idea where he'd keep a blanket?" Jack asked.

Teal'c had spent enough nights on Daniel's sofa to point Jack in the direction of a closet. Retrieving a well-worn quilt, Jack covered his friend and removed his glasses. Maybe the idea of looking after Sam wasn't so bad, he thought. How hard could it be?





*********





Samantha looked past Janet to see Jack standing, fidgeting, on the other side of the infirmary.

"He asked if he could take me home?" she asked.

"Yes, he did. I told him the only way I was letting you out of my sight was if someone was with you. He volunteered."

"But why?" Samantha asked again.

"He's your friend. I suspect he's trying to help. To be perfectly honest, I hope you take him up on it, because I'm really getting sick of him hanging around," Janet said with a teasing smile.

Samantha noticed he had a small duffel bag with him. He must have counted on her leaping at the chance to escape the medical facility and packed a bag for her. Well, she was certainly ready to be rid of the tests, but she imagined the questions were just beginning. She was getting so tired of hearing, do you remember this or that? How about family? Friends? Places? School? All she really wanted was to go somewhere she felt safe. A place that was quiet and she could explore questions on her own without being prompted.

She felt safe with Jack. Somehow, when he was in the room with her she felt like everything was going to be okay. But that didn't mean she wanted him around all the time. She understood the doctor's concerns, but she also didn't want to be a burden to this man who surely had gone beyond the bounds of average friendship. The frequency of his visits alone seemed above and beyond what she'd expect from a friend. Janet tried to tell her she and the rest of her team were as close as family. Maybe she was right.

"Okay. Sure. If he's willing, you know all I want to do is get out of here."

"Great! I'll give him some instructions, then I guess you'll be free to go."

Now it was Samantha's turn to feel jumpy. She kept stealing glances at Jack while Janet ran down a final list of orders. From time to time she'd catch his eye, and the half-smile that would almost form on his face as his gaze met hers. As if they were sharing some kind of private joke

Finally, Janet finished with him and Samantha watched him approach. His stride was punctuated by a slight limp, which she hadn't noticed before. Perhaps it was an old injury that was acting up, she thought.

*How would I know that?* she wondered. He could have hurt it recently, but for some reason she was sure he'd had it for awhile, even if this was the first she'd noticed it.

"Hi, Sam. Doc says I can take you home," he smiled. "I stopped by your place and got you some jeans and a sweatshirt. I hope you don't mind. I know where you keep your spare key, so I just let myself in."

"No, I don't mind," she said. "Good thing you know where the key is, because I don't!" she joked. Instead of making light of the situation, she seemed to make him more uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to make you feel bad," she said, placing her hand on his arm. "I guess this is kind of new for all of us." Her smile was genuine, causing him to relax. Their eyes seemed locked together for a moment, until Janet coughed.

"You gonna change into those clothes or did you want to make a fashion statement in a hospital gown?"

Samantha practically leapt off the bed, deftly managing to hold the back of her gown closed.

"I'll be right back," she said, blush creeping over her face. This whole thing was making her nervous. What was the big deal? A friend was seeing her home. End of story. So how come she felt there had been more to her feelings for Jack then people were telling her?





*********





Samantha looked around in wide-eyed amazement as Jack led her through the labyrinth of the base. It was all very utilitarian, just like the infirmary, and she wondered if all military bases were this sterile.

Jack said very little to her on their way topside. She hadn't realized she'd been deep underground until she began counting off the seconds the elevator rose steadily.

"How far down were we?" she asked. Jack looked uncertain, as if he wasn't sure what answer to give her.

"It's a ways," he said.

"I take it you're not supposed to talk to me about what I did here either," she sighed. "Must have been some pretty top-secret stuff." Jack didn't take her bait, but then she didn't expect a man who looked to be an experienced soldier to be taken in by such an obvious line.

"Look, Sam, it's not that I don't want to tell you what you did here. In fact Daniel and I have been pushing General Hammond to grant you clearance. He just feels it's best for all concerned if you remember it on your own."

"I guess I can understand that," she said as the elevator finally bumped to a halt.

"Almost there," Jack smiled as he escorted her through the check-point.

"Good to see you again, Captain Carter," the guard said. Samantha froze for a moment, unsure of how to respond to the soldier who'd greeted her. Did she know him?

"Yes, hello," she mumbled as she allowed Jack to urge her forward.

"Airman," he said, tipping his head toward the young man, almost pushing her towards the entrance with his hand on her back.

"Do I know him?" Samantha whispered as they approached the final gate.

"Not that I know of," Jack said. "I don't think you know any of these guys either."

"Captain Carter! Good to see you up and about, Ma'am!" the man at the gate greeted her. She simply smiled as Jack continued to propel her towards the rows of parked cars.

"Geeze, you know every guy in this place?" Jack grumbled, his tone almost jealous.

Samantha shrugged. "Maybe I do!"

Jack directed her to his car, tossing her the keys. "You don't mind letting yourself in, do you? I forgot I was supposed to tell Hammond when we were leaving." Samantha watched him jog towards the gate they'd just exited, reaching for a phone attached to the fence. It sure seemed like a lot of checking in and out to leave this facility, but again, what did she know of military security?

Unlocking the passenger door of Jack's car, she noticed it was sportier than she would have guessed for him. She didn't know what she expected. Maybe with all the army stuff she was expecting a Jeep or something.

Samantha sat for a few minutes, looking at the surrounding landscape, fiddling with the car keys. She kept looking over her shoulder, but Jack was still engaged. She started flipping though his tape collection, curious as to what type of music he liked. Surprised at the variety, she was still paging through his cassettes when she heard his door open.

"Sorry about that. The general seemed to want a full run down on where I was taking you. I guess 'home' wasn't enough information." Jack noticed her looking at his music.

"I know, I should have a CD player, but tapes are just so much more durable. Besides, most of this stuff will never come out on CD anyway."

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a jazz man. Or a country man. Or a heavy metal man."

"Then what kind of man would you have me pegged for?" he asked, his eyes meeting hers.

"Well, not such an eclectic mix," she said.

"Now there you go, Sam. You must be feeling better already. Using one of your fifty-cent words."

Samantha knew he was just teasing her, but it still stung for some reason.

"Jack? Would you do me a favor and call me 'Samantha?' I don't know why, but 'Sam' just sounds strange to me. I don't feel like a 'Sam.'"

"Uh, sure. Samantha. It's just that you always insisted on 'Sam.' I guess I never thought of you as anything else."

"I'm not trying to be difficult. I know this sounds silly," she said, looking down at her hands, "but it's kind of the way I can keep track of it all in my head. 'Sam' is who I was. 'Samantha' is who I am."

"Hey, don't you be giving up on 'Sam' just yet! Doc Fraiser said you could start remembering things at any time."

"She's been saying that since I came out of the coma," Samantha sighed. She handed Jack his keys. "Well, I hear 'there's no place like home.' Let's see if it's true."





*********





Jack fished around a light fixture half-way down the hall from where he'd left Samantha. "Got it!" he said triumphantly holding the key out to her.

"I leave a spare out here? Where anyone could get it?" she asked.

"Would you think to look there?" he asked. "There's a little niche where the plastic meets the base. Perfect hiding spot. I was always impressed you found it," he smiled.

"Guess I'm smarter than I look," she said, taking the key from his hand. It didn't seem to want to go into the lock.

"Here, it's a little tricky," he said, covering her hand with his. He jiggled the handle just so and the key slid in effortlessly. Obviously this wasn't the first time he'd been to her apartment if he knew the quirks of her lock. He turned the knob, opening the door for her.

"Home sweet home."

Samantha stepped in, looking around. Shades were pulled except for one window where several plants were clustered. She crossed over to them, touching a leaf here and there.

"They're not dead. You said I was in the infirmary for three weeks. How come they aren't dying?"

Jack shoved his hands into his pockets, shrugging his shoulders. "I watered them. I figured they'd be dead if I didn't."

Samantha could see he felt awkward admitting he'd performed the service for her.

"I did Danny's too," he added quickly.

Samantha smiled. "Thank you, Jack. I'm sure they would have died."

She continued her perusal of the apartment. It was small, but comfortable. Perfect for one person who didn't probably didn't spend a lot of time there. She'd gotten the impression she was gone quite a bit, but unsure how it was all tied in with the Air Force. Didn't they usually live in government housing? How come she had a place on the outskirts of Colorado Springs? Maybe she wasn't permanently assigned to Cheyenne Mountain. But the apartment had the look of someone who'd lived there for sometime, not a transient moving from post to post.

"Have I lived here long?"

"About two years, since you were transferred from the Pentagon," he said.

"*The Pentagon?*" she said, mouth dropping open. "I worked at the *Pentagon?*"

"Well, Samantha, you *are* an astrophysicist. Do you think you worked in the mail room or something?"

"I thought you couldn't talk about what I did," she said, still in shock at the news he'd just delivered.

"I can't talk about what you do at Cheyenne Mountain, but no one said anything about your career up to that point," he smiled.

"You bend the rules like that all the time, Jack?" she asked, cocking her head, smiling at him.

"Every damn time I can!"

Samantha's grin widened. "I knew I liked you." Suddenly the playful mood evaporated, embarrassed she was flirting with him. "Astrophysicist," Samantha said, shaking her head, trying to distract him from the statement she'd just made. "I still can't believe it."

"Believe it," he said, pulling her over to her bookshelves. Row after row of scientific books, journals and other information relating to the study of physics and stellar phenomenon lined the shelves.

Jack searched the shelves as well. "Geeze, Carter, don't you ever read a trashy novel or anything?"

"They must be in the bedroom," she said off-handily as she ran her fingers over the titles. She came across one medium-sized volume which she removed. Looking at the cover, her mouth dropped open again. "Black Holes And Their Effect On Space/Time," by Dr. Samantha Carter, Ph.D.

"I'm *published?*" she gaped at him again.

"Oh, yeah," he drawled. "It was on the bestseller list for months. I remember the first time I read it, I couldn't put it down."

Samantha slapped his arm with the book. "Jack! I'm serious!"

She opened the book and read the dedication: "To my father, who knows I'll get there someday." The inscription seemed rather ambiguous, but that was probably her point. She remembered Jack telling her in the infirmary how her father was away, on a long trip, and it was nearly impossible to contact him. She wondered how long he'd be gone. She was curious about the man who'd inspired the acknowledgment.

Paging through the book, Samantha read passages here and there that may as well have been a foreign language.

"I really wrote this?" she asked, looking up at Jack again.

"Well, I was always under the impression you stole someone else's work and just put your name on it. That is until I realized you really understood what's in there. Yeah, Sam, you really wrote it," he said, his voice tinged with awe and pride.

"Man, I must be boring!"

Jack tried to hide his smile as his voice dropped it's sarcastic tone. "No, you're not. In fact, you're the one who got me to re-think my opinion of scientists. Quite a feat, actually."

Somewhere during his confession, Jack picked up her hand and was now gently squeezing it. Samantha swallowed, overwhelmed by the emotions she was feeling. How was it possible he could go from teasing her to making her knees feel weak in the span of seconds?

She laughed nervously. "Guess those hypnotism lessons paid off."

Samantha replaced the book and continued her journey around the apartment. Small kitchen, adequate bathroom and fairly good-sized bedroom. She entered the bedroom and sat on the bed as Jack leaned against the door frame.

"Sorry if I messed your things up looking for some clothes."

"No. It's fine. It's just so weird how none of this is familiar. I feel like I'm in a strange place and I just have to take everyone's word that it's my stuff. It's like walking into a stranger's house, pretending it's yours. You know what I mean?"

"Ah, actually, no. I mean I understand where you're coming from, but I can't imagine how it must feel for you."

"It's kind of scary," she admitted. Jack crossed the room, taking a seat next to her on the bed. He placed his hand on her knee, patting it gently.

"I'm sure it's very scary. But you're tough, Carter. I'm not trying to belittle your situation, but you've got an inner strength that has nothing to do with your memory. You'll get through this. We'll get through this," he added.

Samantha felt tears welling up as she looked at him. "Thanks, Jack. That means a lot. Really." A stray tear managed to escape which she quickly wiped away. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I think I need a minute alone. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Take as much time as you need. And believe it or not, you were happy here."

Samantha bit her lip and nodded as Jack stood, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. He'd barely made it out the door before her control broke and the flood of hot tears coursed down her cheeks.





*********





Jack closed the door behind him, knowing she was crying. He couldn't say he blamed her. This was an awful lot to accept in a short time. The thing that hurt the most was he couldn't help her beyond offering support, and she'd just eighty-sixed that by asking him to leave. Until she was ready to face the world again, he might as well make himself comfortable.

He'd visited Sam on several occasions, but never spent the night on her sofa. The gang usually crashed at his home, not the other way around. Maybe it was because he had a house and Sam and Daniel had apartments. And Teal'c stayed in quarters at the base. Perhaps that's why they had a tendency to congregate at his place. Teal'c seemed at the same level of comfort wherever he was, which wasn't saying a lot. He wasn't looking forward to the evening on the narrow couch, but there wasn't much choice. He'd promised Janet he wouldn't leave her alone, so the too-small looking sofa would be home for awhile.

Jack usually didn't take the time to notice what adornments his friends had arranged to cozy up their living spaces. Most often they gathered for beer and TV, whether it be a video, or sports event. That was the focus of his attention, not what his friends had on the walls. But now there was little left to occupy his time. The thought of beer propelled Jack towards the refrigerator which held six longnecks of his favorite. He knew Sam would offer it, had she been in the room, so he helped himself. Twisting off the cap, he looked around her kitchen. Not a lot of pots and pans, but then he knew she wasn't big on cooking. Opening the cupboards, he noticed there wasn't much in the way of food. He hadn't thought of that. Knowing she was going on a mission, she probably thought it silly to stock up until she returned. Well, she'd done that, the only trouble is, she came back as a different person. He'd order a pizza when she felt like eating something.

Jack moved into the living room, searching the shelves below the ones with her books. He found strange pieces of primitive statues used as bookends--no doubt a gift from Daniel--holding together odds and ends, one of which was a photo album. He withdrew the book and began flipping though it. They were recent pictures, within the last five years, he guessed. Maybe this would help Sam to remember something, he thought, getting excited by the possibility. He took the album and lay it on the coffee table as he heard the bedroom door open.

Jack looked up, expecting to see Samantha, but only saw her back as she entered the bathroom. There was the sound of running water, then the door opening once more. Samantha tried to cover the fact she'd been crying, but the cold water she must have splashed on her face couldn't hide her red, swollen eyes. Jack's heart wrenched to see her forcing a smile.

There was a long silence, neither sure what to say. Samantha's gaze settled on the beer bottle sitting on the coffee table, and Jack looked slightly embarrassed.

"I just helped myself. Sorry."

"It's okay," she said. "I want you to make yourself at home."

It suddenly struck him as ironic that he should be more comfortable in her apartment than she was.

Samantha reached for the bottle, but he pulled it out of her reach. "I don't think so," Jack admonished. "Don't you think you've lost enough brain cells for a while?" He hoped his smile softened his reprimand.

"I suppose you're right," she sighed. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the fabric-covered book on the table.

"A photo album. It was on your bookshelf. I thought maybe it might spark something."

Samantha came around the table, taking a seat beside him. Opening the book, the first picture was her standing on the steps of the Pentagon, in her dress blues, with an older man, also in dress uniform.

"My father?" she asked.

"General Jacob Carter, United States Air Force."

"So, I'm an Air Force brat," she commented, moving on to the next picture.

Jack was amazed she could remember slang terms, but she couldn't remember being that military brat. How was that possible? It was if only selected memories were lost. Like everything that was "Sam" was now gone. But that wasn't necessarily true. It was more like Sam with out all the walls she'd built around herself. That everyone built around themselves. It wasn't so much that she was acting differently. She reacted to things the way she always had, only without the pretense.

"What about this one?" she asked, pointing to a shot of the four members of their team, arms around each other's shoulders, covered in paint. They were dressed in fatigues, with splats of florescent paint all over their clothes and in their hair. And they were laughing, not just smiling, but laughing so hard it looked as if they hadn't been supporting each other they would have fallen over.

Jack smiled at the memory of that day, wishing Samantha could share it with him. He started chuckling, as he recounted the tale.

"We, uh, kind of snuck off the base for a day of paint balling."

"Snuck off the base?"

Jack scratched his head. "Well, we were scheduled for training drills, but you got the bright idea of going paint balling instead."

"*I* did?"

"Yeah, I was a little surprised myself, 'cause you're usually a little more by-the-book than I am. But you convinced me that it was a good way of teaching Danny more about combat without him ending up in the infirmary, like he usually does. Plus, you thought it would be something different to show Teal'c. You even shot him right in the middle of his tattoo," he said, pointing to a vivid pink splotch in the middle of the Jaffa's forehead.

"It looks like we had fun," Samantha commented.

"Oh, we usually have a good time when we get together, but this was one of the best days. That is until we were busted the next morning."

"'Busted?'"

"Yeah, we had a briefing with the general the following day to discuss how our drills had gone. I gave him some dry report, but I could see the general's eyes kept straying to Daniel. When I looked up, I saw what had attracted Hammond's attention. Under the lighting of the briefing room, Daniel's hair had a distinct orange spot still in it. I quickly looked around to see if any of the rest of us had any remnants left, but I guess we managed to do a little better job on cleaning up than Danny."

"So what happened?"

"The general looked at Daniel and asked him, 'Dr. Jackson, is that orange marking in your hair some kind of Abydosian custom, or weren't you as thorough as your team mates at removing evidence? And Colonel, next time you decide to deviate from S.O.P. for training drills, make sure you run them past me first.'"

Samantha started to laugh, the first genuine laugh he'd heard since she'd woken from her coma.

"My mouth was just hanging open," he continued. "I had *no* idea how he found out. I mean, the paint in Daniel's hair could have come from anything. I never did find out how he knew. He could have put an official reprimand in each of our files, but he didn't. He just looked at me, shook his head and tried to pretend he wasn't amused by the whole thing."

"General Hammond sounds like he'd be a good man to work for," Samantha said. "I only met him the once, but he seemed genuinely concerned about my well-being."

"He's the best," Jack agreed. "In fact if he hadn't been put in charge of the. . . ." he stopped himself just before he revealed what Hammond now considered classified information. Maybe he'd already said too much with telling her about the training maneuvers. But every branch of the military did that. It wasn't any secret.

"In charge of the what?" Samantha asked.

Jack's eyes met hers. "I wish I could tell you, Samantha. Like I said, I think not telling you is stupid and counter-productive, but I have to go along with the general on this one. His hands are tied."

Samantha nodded, looking away from him. She found another picture to question him about and the subject was dropped. Damn, he wished she'd remember something. *Anything* that would convince the general it was all right to tell Samantha about the Stargate program. He hated feeling like he was keeping secrets from her.





*********





Samantha and Jack spent the rest of the afternoon poring over the photo album. Many of the pictures Jack couldn't explain as they were from her life before she'd moved to Colorado. The others, that featured him and the rest his team, seemed to elicit more stories like the paint ball one. If she could take him at his word, they were indeed a close-knit group.

She asked Jack about the one he called Teal'c. He had an exotic look to him and the gold tattoo on his forehead was very unusual. Not the boy next door, she commented. That had gotten a laugh out of Jack and she found she liked making him smile. It made him almost look boyish. His explanation for Teal'c was he was part of an obscure religious group from Egypt. How he ended up being on an American armed forces team was still a mystery, but Jack's acceptance of him was so complete, she didn't think to question him further.

Even after talking with Jack, and looking at the pictures, nothing came back to her. Every once in a while she'd get a flash of. . .something, but before she could begin to identify it, it was gone.

"Hungry?" he asked, standing from the sofa to stretch.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am," she said. "I didn't think about it until you mentioned it."

"Well, that hasn't changed, anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Getting you distracted from your work long enough for you to admit you were hungry was almost an act of God. You were totally single minded when you were working on some project."

"I don't know if I could be that driven now," she said.

"Don't sell yourself short, Samantha. I suspect whatever drives you is still there."

Samantha shrugged. Maybe he was right. She didn't have any other theories to work with at the moment.

"So, do I like anchovies on my pizza?" she asked.

"Hate them. Which is a good thing since you and I are sharing it. Daniel and Teal'c on the other hand can't get enough of the salty little buggers. Remind me too much of little Goa'ulds," he said, picking up the phone.

"Ghouls?"

"Uh, ya, 'cause they're so. . .creepy looking."

Samantha noted the strange look on Jack's face. He was lying to her about something. Okay, maybe not lying, who would lie about an anchovy? But he definitely tried to brush off his last comment. Maybe it was some kind of inside joke with them.

"Yeah," he said into the receiver, confirming his order. "And send a litre of diet whatever you got." Jack hung up the phone, turning to see Sam sitting on the floor before a video cabinet.

"You wanna watch a movie?" she asked. "I don't know what's in here, but we should be able to find something." Jack sat down next to her, their knees touching. The contact reminded her of looking at the photo album, how he'd lean over to point out a picture and his shoulder would brush hers. The contact was reassuring, yet it puzzled her. When she was in the infirmary, if someone came too close, she felt they were invading her personal space, making her feel like she needed to back away. Even Janet made her feel that way. But not Jack. She'd felt comforted by his nearness, and didn't question his little touches. Picking up her hand, touching her knee, brushing shoulders. They all felt right, somehow, not invasive.

Samantha returned her attention to the stacks of tapes. "Here's your trashy romances," she joked as many of the titles had romantic themes.

"Yeah, but you got science stuff in here too!" Jack whined. "Contact, Cosmos. Carl Sagan must have been a god to you!"

"Apparently."

"Now this is more like it," he said, pulling a tape out.

"Airplane? That have something to do with the military?"

Jack's face registered his shock. "You're kidding, right? Airplane is only *the* classic movie spoof of our time. Well, second only to Monty Python's Holy Grail."

Samantha couldn't help but grin at his excitement over the movie. "So this is good?"

"Carter, I've changed my mind about you. You *do* have taste!"

"I didn't know it was in doubt," she teased back. Samantha gracefully rose from the floor, while Jack extended his hand.

"Come on. Help and old guy up. That bum knee of mine is acting up again."

*So, it is from an old injury,* she thought. How could she have known that when she couldn't remember anything he'd showed her that day?

"Do you want to start this, or should we wait for the pizza?" she asked.

"Let's start. Who knows when the delivery kid will actually get here."

Samantha popped the tape in, bringing the remote with her as she settled on the couch next to Jack. "Ready?"

At his nod she pushed play, tossing the device on the coffee table, placing her feet next to it. Her head rested on the back of the sofa, and she almost wished Jack's arm was behind her so she could lean her head against it. Instead, his arms were at his side, hands folded in his lap, thumbs rotating around each other as if he were uncertain of what to do with his hands.

The movie started with the distinctive theme from "Jaws," and a tail fin of an airplane slicing through the clouds.

"I remember this now!" she cried, almost triumphantly. "First time I saw it in the theater I was laughing so hard I think I almost peed my pants! The guy I went with didn't have a clue. I'm sure he thought I'd lost my mind. Come to think of it, I don't think he called me again!"

Jack sat up, turning slightly to look at her. "I still don't get this. You can remember this movie--your date to see this movie--but you can't remember what you do for a living? I mean I've heard of selective amnesia, but ya gotta admit, this is really bizarre."

"I don't know what to tell you, Jack. If I knew the answers to that, don't you think I'd do something about it?" Her tone was sharp, almost confrontational as the buzzer to the outer door sounded, effectively ending their argument before it really got rolling.

"I'll get that," he said, as she paused the movie.

Samantha watched him pay for their dinner, suddenly feeling awful for having snapped at him. Here he was, trying to make her feel at home and she bitched at him. Some friend.

Clearing a spot on the table, Jack set the pizza down. "I'll get some plates."

Again he seemed to know her apartment better than she did as he retrieved plates, napkins, forks and a glass of ice for her soda. He grabbed himself another beer, then re-took his seat next to her.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry. It's just that ever since I woke up, someone's been asking me why I can remember something's and not others, trying to find a pattern, I suppose. And I ask myself the same questions. I sure as hell would rather remember being an astrophysicist than a movie where June Cleaver can speak Jive! I'm just sorry I vented it on you, when all you've been is helpful and supportive."

"I'm sorry too," he said, pulling her into an embrace. "I guess I'm just used to you being the miracle worker. You're always the one assuring *us* things are going to work out. It's a little harder to put the shoe on the other foot. Especially when it fits you."

Samantha smiled against his shoulder, wishing she didn't have to leave the comfort of his arms as he pulled away from her.

Jack cleared his throat. "So, how 'bout some pizza, huh?" He dished up two pieces as Samantha started the movie again. Things are going to get easier, she told herself. This had to be the hardest day. Didn't it?





*********





Jack lay wide awake on the sofa. He'd dozed just long enough to make getting any real rest an impossibility. Samantha had left him a pile of blankets and two pillows, unsure how he liked to sleep. Well, he couldn't blame that on the amnesia. He'd never stayed at her house so she wouldn't have known. She'd stayed in his guest room--Charlie's old room--before, but he couldn't say he knew her sleeping habits either.

After they'd called a truce with the arrival of dinner, Jack found himself truly enjoying a movie he'd seen countless times. Samantha's infectious laughter and squeals of "I love this part!" kept him more entertained than what was on the TV screen.

She'd gone to bed soon after the tape had finished, leaving him on the lumpy couch to think about the day. Frustrations that even with visual aids, she couldn't remember her recent life. And the memory of how good she'd felt in his arms. That was the one image he kept trying to banish, and the one that insisted on returning. It was only a gesture of comfort, right? So why was he so embarrassed when he found his arms around her? Was it because he couldn't actually remember having initiated the hug? One minute she was apologizing and the next he had his arms around her.

He kept wishing he could find an excuse to put his arm along the back of the sofa so he could half-hold her. Maybe he should have tried the old "stretch and yawn" move from his high school dating years. He certainly was acting that age lately. Of course it hadn't helped matters when she didn't push him away or reprimand him with a sharp, "Sir! What do you think you're doing?" She wasn't acting very much like his second-in-command, but then again, he wasn't acting very much like her superior. And if you got right down to it, technically, since she was on medical leave, she wasn't his subordinate. At this point she wasn't even part of SG-1.

"Great," he mumbled to himself out loud. "Go ahead and make excuses for your inappropriate behavior. And when she's back on your team and the general notices there's a little more than CO and 2IC going on, you can tell him it was okay because she was out of her head." Trouble was, he felt like he was the one going out of his head.

And what was the big deal? It was a hug! Hell, he'd hugged Daniel and Teal'c enough times and didn't agonize over it. What was the difference in hugging Sam? Even he wasn't so naive to think he could pass that one off. It was the reason he'd gotten so defensive at Daniel's the other day. Because Danny voiced what he tried to deny. There was *something* between him and Sam. There had been, almost from day one.

Most times he could ignore it. Especially when they were off-world. His head was so full of mission details and over-all tenseness, Sam truly was just a member of his team. His concern for her didn't out-weigh that of Daniel or Teal'c.

But what about those times he let his guard down a bit? How they'd be camping on some alien world and he'd see her across the fire and admire the way the light reflected on her hair, or how she'd smile at him across the flames. Daniel said maybe it was a military thing. Yeah. Right. It was the most un-military thing there was.

Jack rolled over, punching his pillow. It was going to be a long night.





*********





Samantha's night had been punctuated by strange dreams. Perhaps it had been looking at the pictures and all the questions that stirred everything into one jumbled mess. She doubted she'd make much sense of it even if she knew what was truly her past and what wasn't. She was hoping once she were "home" some of the mysteries would be revealed, but that wasn't the case. If anything, it seemed to make things worse.

One of the recurring themes were flashes of her in various uniforms, most of the time she was carrying a gun. She wanted to drop it, but couldn't, as if it were glued to her hands. Then a man's voice behind her.

"Shoot, Sam! God! You'll never get over this gun thing if you don't pull the trigger!"

"I don't want too!" the plaintive voice of an older child wailed.

"Look, guns aren't a bad thing! They can protect you! Now aim at the damn can and shoot!"

"Guns kill people!" the child cried again.

"Sam, you're not killing anyone! You're just shooting a God-damned can!"

In her dream, the girl bit her lip, closed her eyes and squeezed the trigger of the pistol.

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" the man asked her. "Next time, try it with your eyes open." his tone was one of disgust. She'd let him down. He expected her to fire the weapon without fear, and she'd disappointed him. The girl turned around, looking at the man who'd spoken the words to her. It was the same man Samantha had seen in the picture that afternoon. Her father.

There were other visions. She and Jack pinned down in a combat situation; running, helping some man to safety; explosions around her. But those couldn't be real, could they? She might be in the Air Force, but if she were a scientist, surely she didn't engage in actual fighting?

Samantha tossed and turned most of the night, getting very little sleep. It was almost a relief when she saw the sun rise. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she tried to find some order to the kaleidoscope of images she'd seen in her dreams. Suddenly Samantha looked up. Staring blankly at the wall before her, she had a revelation. A memory. She was older, at a shooting range practicing with a pistol. Hating every moment, but despite that fact, she was improving. She'd show him. Show him she could do this. And then he would love her.

"Oh, God," Samantha moaned, holding her head, falling forward over her knees. That's how she ended up in the Air Force. To show her father she had what it took. To uphold the family honor. She was a Carter, and by-God, Carters were tough. And if they weren't born that way, they were made. Had she really forcibly changed her nature to please her father?

Samantha stood up, padding into the bathroom almost in a trance. She turned the water on full blast, cranking up the temperature. She wanted to feel the heat and the pressure bearing down on her. Standing under the needling spray, she made a pact with herself. Sam might have changed herself to fit her father's image of who she should be, but Samantha didn't have to. She was through trying to remember being Sam. From this day forward she was going to stop trying to live some other woman's life. She was going to live her own. If that meant re-writing some if it, then so be it. Samantha rinsed the shampoo from her hair, watching the suds swirl down the drain, taking Sam with it.

Samantha felt liberated just having made the decision to move on. Even dressing was a new experience. No longer did she think, "is this something I liked?" She chose what *she* wanted. She looked for the most feminine casual clothes she--or rather Sam--owned. No more fatigues for this girl for awhile! The day promised to be warm, so she chose a sundress. It even had the tag still on it. Apparently Sam bought it but never wore it for some reason. Pulling the dress over her head, she fluffed her hair, applied a few cosmetics and inspected herself in the mirror. *Not bad,* she thought.

Samantha stepped into the living room, noticing Jack sprawled on her couch. His lanky frame was far too long for the length of the sofa, and his legs extended over one of the arms. He lay, half on his side, with the blanket up to his shoulders. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. Even some of the constant frown lines seemed to have relaxed. His hair was a mess and Samantha resisted the urge to run her fingers though it, straightening it out.

Instead, she settled for getting some breakfast together, hoping she didn't disturb him as she rummaged around the kitchen. There certainly wasn't much in the way of food. Anything in the refrigerator would no longer be edible, so that left the freezer. Not much there either. Samantha sighed. Maybe if she could find her wallet, she might be able to offer to take Jack out for breakfast. Had she taken it with her to the base? Did Jack retrieve it with the rest of her personal belongings? She'd have to wait until he woke.

Maybe she should get him up, Samantha thought. It was early, but didn't soldiers get up at the crack of dawn? She was spared her dilemma when she heard Jack stifle a moan as he rolled over, attempting to sit up. He tried to smile at her, but it came out as more of a grimace.

"Geeze, Carter. You gotta do something about this sofa. My back's killing me. I sleep better when we camp out!"

Still feeling exhilarated from her recent decisions, she decided to play with him a bit. "Maybe you should sleep in the bed," she suggested, strolling closer to him. Jack was speechless as he watched her cross the room.

"And I'll sleep out here." she added. Jack's grin was for real this time as he laughed at her offer.

"You've got a sick sense of humor," he teased her back. "I like that in a girl. Actually, I was wondering how you felt about moving this whole show back to my place."

"Excuse me?"

"You know, come stay at my place. My bed's a lot more comfortable," he said arching his eyebrows. Now it was Samantha's turn to be left without words.

"For me, of course. You get the spare bedroom."

"It's really a generous offer, Jack, but I don't need someone around all the time. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself."

"Hey, no one checks out of Jack's Day Care without my permission! I know you think it's silly, but the only way the Doc's going to let you stay off the base and out of the infirmary is if you're with someone. If you'd rather have Janet or someone else. . ."

"No! I mean it's not the company, really. I'm just tired of being a burden to all of you. Plus, I feel like everyone's waiting for me to have this big revelation or something and the pressure of it's starting to get to me."

Jack's face softened as he looked at her. "I know. And I'm sorry if I'm one of the ones putting pressure on you."

"It's not you. But I feel like I'm disappointing everyone, especially Janet. Like it's her fault I can't remember anything."

"You remembered 'Airplane' pretty well."

"Yeah, a lot of good that'll do me," she said, sitting on her coffee table before him. She propped her elbows on her knees, resting her chin on her palms. "I suppose I could make a living winning trivia contests or something."

Jack reached out an squeezed her shoulder. "I think we can do better than that. So. How about staying at my house?"

"You're sure you want me there? You're not just being polite? I promise I won't tell Janet you just dumped me to fend for myself," she teased.

"Yeah, Samantha. I really want you there. If nothing else so I can get a decent night's sleep!"

"Okay," she sighed, standing. "Oh, by the way. Do you have my purse or a wallet? I was going to fix breakfast, but it's looking a lot like Mother Hubbard's cupboard in there. I thought maybe I could take you out for all you've done for me?"

"Sounds good, but you really don't have to buy. I like doing things for my friends. You mind if I use your shower first?"

"Help yourself," she said, gesturing towards the bathroom. "And I'm buying. You got dinner."

"Arm wrestle you for it?" he smiled.

Samantha stopped dead. She'd heard that somewhere before. It had something to do with Jack, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

"Samantha?" Jack asked, waving a hand before her face. "You okay?"

She shook her head slightly to clear it, blinking several times. "Do we do that a lot?"

"Do what?"

"Arm wrestle."

"Uh, no. As a matter of fact, you owe me one. The day we met you threatened to arm wrestle me. It's kind of gotten to be a joke with us. Did you just remember something?"

"I'm. . .I'm not sure. It seems familiar. Kind of like deja vu. But then everything seems like that these days. Even the dream I had last night."

Jack grew excited. "You remembered something in your dream?"

"Well, I dreamt something, I don't know how accurate it was." Samantha quickly told him about her father trying to get her to use the gun, and how she hated them.

"Janet said one of the first things you told her was how you couldn't stand guns. But Samantha, you've been in the Air Force a long time. You've used a gun countless times. Especially recently. You've never said you didn't like them before."

"The feeling I got from the dream was I made myself learn to shoot, but I never got so I liked using a gun."

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose you could have talked yourself into using one. I just never got the impression they bothered you."

"Guess I'm pretty good at hiding what I really feel," she said, looking up at him.

"Guess we all are," he agreed, his eyes staring into hers. "I'm going to go take that shower now," he said, backing away from her, finally breaking eye contact.





*********





Jack pulled up in front of his house, watching Samantha to see if it seemed familiar to her.

"Looks nice," she said, smiling over at him. "The yard could use a little work though. How about I help you mow the grass since I'm the one who's been keeping you from your home?"

"That's not necessary, Samantha. I can get it done."

"Really, Jack, I want to help. I feel like I haven't done anything for weeks. Well, I guess I haven't. At least let me pull weeds or something."

"If you're sure. . . ."

"I'm positive. Show me where I can toss my stuff, let me change into some shorts and we'll get started."

Samantha climbed out of the car as Jack retrieved her bags from the trunk, shaking his head. Sam had never offered to help with yard work before, but then he supposed he'd never let it go this long. Maybe it wasn't so out of character that she volunteered to help.

The house felt cool as Jack opened the door, ushering Samantha in. She wandered down the short entryway, surveying his living room.

"Nice," she commented. "I like the fireplace."

"It's great in the winter," he commented, feeling a little proud that she liked his home.

"What's this way?" she asked, going down a short hallway. "Ah, the kitchen. Looks like you do more cooking than I do."

He was about to say Sara was the cook and he just hadn't removed the pots and pans, but she was already back in the living room, heading towards a short set of stairs leading to the bedrooms and bathroom.

"I'll show you the spare room," he said, leading the way. Samantha stood in the doorway as she watched Jack place her bags on the twin bed. The furnishings were generic, but there were still a few touches about the room that said a child once occupied it. Samantha picked up a model of a World War II aircraft, then placed it back on the shelf.

"My son, Charlie's," he said quietly. "I helped him put it together."

"I didn't know you had a son."

"'Had' being the operative word. He died." Jack sat on the bed, looking up at Samantha. The unasked question on her face. "Shot himself with my gun."

"Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry," Samantha said, her voice suddenly thick.

"Yeah, well, If I'd been a little more careful about guns in the house. . . .." Jack felt his throat tighten. How long would it be before he could talk about his son and not feel an over-powering rage at his own stupidity? He swiped at a tear that managed to escape and looked at Samantha again.

"You know, sometimes I envy you that you can't remember. I think I'd give anything if I could forget."

Samantha crouched down before him, taking his hands in hers. "Don't say that, Jack. You don't want to forget Charlie. It might take away some of the pain, but what about the good times? Would you want to forget them as well?"

"No," he admitted.

Samantha rose, still clutching Jack's hands, bringing him with her. When they were both standing, she wound her arms around him, hugging him close.

"Sometimes the pain lets us know we're still here. Still alive. Don't defile his memory by wishing you could forget him." Jack held her tightly, his head resting on her shoulder, fighting the urge to breakdown.

Jack heard Samantha sniffle and pulled back from her embrace. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I feel so bad for you, Jack. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to lose him." He pulled her close again, running his fingers through her hair as he held her. God! What was he doing? This was Carter! It was just so easy to forget that fact when he needed and wanted the contact so much. Reluctantly, Jack pulled back again, smiling at her.

"Guess we better get to that lawn, huh?"

Samantha nodded, wiping away the moisture on her face.

"I'll let you get changed. Bathroom's the first door on the right. I've got my own, so go ahead and take over if you want."

"Thanks, Jack. I'll see you in a minute," she said, closing the door behind him.

He stood there for a moment, just staring at the door. Running a hand through his hair he let out a sigh. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring her here. They hadn't been in the door five minutes and he was all over her. Well, more precisely she was hugging him. But still. There was something about her being in his house that heightened the intimacy, even if she was in the room down the hall.





*********





Jack relaxed on the steps of his porch, a beer held loosely in his hand, surveying the fruits of his and Samantha's labors. The grass was mowed and trimmed, flower beds weeded and hoed. It looked like someone actually lived here again. The flower beds had been long-suffering. They'd been Sara's domain, and with her exit, Jack left them to tend to themselves. It wasn't a conscious symbolic gesture, but he realized today he'd let them overgrow as a way to prove he didn't care she'd walked out on him.

Samantha chastised him for their neglected state, but he said nothing. If she wanted to spruce them up, fine, but he still intended to ignore them. He had to admit she'd done a good job with the sagging perennials. They might even bloom this year.

Jack heard the screen door open and looked up to see a freshly showered Samantha. She was back in her sundress, smiling shyly at him. Damn, but she looked good, he thought. There was something about Sam in a dress that made it easy for him to forget she was a soldier. And it didn't help that she didn't remember being one. Or that she didn't remember being under his command.

"Want something to drink?" he offered.

"Gonna let me have a beer this time?"

Jack handed her the remainder of his, as she took a seat on the steps next to him.

"Hey! This bottle's half-empty!"

"Or half-full, depending on how you look at it," he smiled. "Just start slow, okay? You've been out in the sun all afternoon. It's probably going to hit pretty fast. Besides, Janet would probably have my hide for giving you alcohol."

"I guess it'll be our little secret," she smiled, taking a sip of the warming beer.

"You feel up to going out tonight?" he asked.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking maybe we could go over to Daniel's, see how he's doing?"

"Maybe see if I remember anything else about him or Teal'c?" she said, angrily clutching the neck of the beer bottle as if she were choking it.

"No, I just wanted to see how he was doing, and I know he's concerned about you as well."

Samantha relaxed her death grip on the beer. "I'm sorry, Jack. I guess I'm starting to sound paranoid. I feel like every suggestion has something to do with jogging my memory, and I feel like I'm letting everyone down when I keep drawing a blank."

"Well, I hate to tell you this, Samantha, but everything isn't about you." He wore a wide grin and he nudged her shoulder with his, letting her know he was teasing her. It had the desired effect. She smiled sheepishly,

"I guess that did sound pretty conceited, didn't it? Hey, you know what? I'd love to go visit your--our--friends tonight."

"Great! I'll give him a call and let him know we'll be over."





*********





Daniel struggled to stand when he heard his doorbell ring. Teal'c started to cross to the door, but Daniel waved him off.

"I got it, Teal'c." His left arm was still in a sling and would be for sometime, making it difficult for him to raise himself off the soft cushions. He was still a little woozy from the pain killers, but thankfully, he'd been able to slowly cut back on them. He didn't like the way they messed with his thought processes.

Daniel opened the door on the second ring. "Come in! Come in!" he cried, pulling Jack and Sam out of the doorway and into the now neatly organized apartment.

"Wow, Teal'c! I love what you've done with the place!" Jack crowed, causing Daniel to blush.

"Didn't know Jaffa moonlighted as maids, did you? So have a seat. Can I have my servant get you something?" Daniel's last comment earned him an arched eyebrow from Teal'c, but he said nothing.

"I'll take a beer if you've got one. And Samantha will have a soda, right?" he said, looking pointedly at her.

"Something diet would be great," she said, giving him back the stare.

Daniel noted the almost private exchange between them, wondering what had prompted the look from Sam. As they took a seat on his sofa, she seemed to sit quite close to him, almost as if she were apprehensive. Like he and Teal'c were strangers, and Jack was a reassuring presence.

"'Samantha?'" Daniel asked, eyebrows raised.

"She asked me to call her that," Jack shrugged, accepting his drink from Teal'c. "Guess 'Sam' isn't who she is now."

Daniel looked over at Sam, now Samantha. He was surprised she didn't speak up herself and tell him why she now preferred the long version of her name. It was odd to see her so subdued. She'd always had such a forceful personality, especially when they'd first met, when he was "rescued" from Abydos. This was definitely not the same woman who was nearly as fascinated by the cartouches as he was.

"How's your arm doing?" she asked, managing a small smile for Teal'c as he handed her a soda. It was obvious she was trying to make conversation, and it pained Daniel to see her consciously make an effort to fit into their group.

"It's doing much better," he said, hoping the smile he gave her was welcoming so she'd relax. "It'll still be a while before I can start physical therapy and Janet clears me to go back to work, but it gives me time to catch up on some of my studies."

Samantha looked at Jack. "I thought you said he was a civilian consultant. Why does an Air Force doctor have to clear him to work?"

Jack and Daniel exchanged looks before Daniel answered her question. "I am a civilian consultant, and I'm still technically connected to the military, so that's why Janet's taking care of my medical needs." That should be suitably vague, he thought. Samantha looked like she was about to make further inquiries when Jack said,

"Hey, Daniel, how about a game of chess? It's been awhile and I'm out of practice, so that might give you a fighting chance."

"Don't flatter yourself, Jack. You've lost to me as much as you've won."

"Care to make it interesting?"

"Loser buys dinner?" Daniel suggested.

"Deal. Get the board."

"I shall retrieve it," Teal'c announced.

"He's a handy guy to have around," Jack said, moving to sit at Daniel's kitchen table.

"Yeah, I'm going to miss ol' Jeeves when I'm doing better. Speaking of which, Janet said she tried calling Sam--Samantha--and said there was no answer. I told her you guys must have went out or something."

"Ah, yeah, we were. In fact, we'll be out for sometime."

Daniel gave him a quizzical look. "What are you talking about?"

"I moved her over to my place."

"You what?"

"Look, her sofa was killing me and she doesn't recognize anything in her apartment anyway. So, I figured, what the hell." He took a long drink of beer, gazing at Daniel as if waiting for the argument. Daniel didn't disappoint him.

"What happened to 'I can't look after her?' You've gone from CO to roommates in one day?"

"Daniel, it's nothing like that! It's no different than when you guys crash at my house. She's just doing it for a little longer, that's all. Besides, Janet's probably going to clear her to be on her own any day now."

"Sure, Jack. Whatever you say. Meanwhile, she's getting more and more dependent on you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I bet she didn't want to come over here tonight, did she?" Daniel said.

"Well, she did say she feels a little awkward around you guys, but it'll just take a little time for her to remember us as a team."

"She's never felt awkward around you," Daniel pointed out. "It's like you're the only one she trusts. Look at her. She's trying to talk to Teal'c, but she's not really comfortable."

Jack looked over to where Samantha was sitting on the sofa. "I've probably just been around more than you guys."

"All I'm saying is be careful. In the fragile state she's in she's likely to latch on to you, and I know the military frowns on that sort of thing."

"You're right," Jack sighed, setting up his chess pieces. "I guess Sam's not the only one with the selective memory."

Daniel saw the look of disappointment that crossed Jack's face as he watched Samantha and Teal'c. Maybe it wasn't Samantha doing the latching. Perhaps Jack was just as guilty of trying to hold on to her. He could understand Jack being protective--he was with all of them--but this was different. Jack liked being in the position of being needed, and right now Samantha needed him.

"So, you planin' on playing this game tonight, or what?" Jack said, bringing Daniel out of his musing.

Daniel moved a piece, earning him a low whistle from Jack. "You've been practicing, Danny Boy."

"Like Teal'c and I have anything else to do?"





*********





Jack tried to concentrate on the chess game, but found his thoughts centered on Daniel's observations. He was right, of course. He *was* getting too personal. But he couldn't just abandon Samantha either. Surely everyone realized these were extenuating circumstances. If Teal'c hadn't offered to look after Daniel, he would have volunteered for that duty as well. They were his team, his friends. He wasn't going to let them down when they needed him most. If he and Samantha were getting a little too chummy, they'd straighten it out later, when she wasn't so lost.

"Jack?" Daniel spoke, "it's your turn."

"Huh? Oh, sorry." Jack absentmindedly moved a piece forward.

"You sure you want to do that?"

"Yeah, why, you giving out second chances now?"

"Well, you seem a little distracted, and I didn't want to take advantage of you."

"Daniel, I assure you that's the move I wanted to make."

"I hope you brought a lot of cash to pay for dinner. Check mate." Jack looked at the board. It was such an obvious mistake even a novice would have noticed it.

"Okay, I guess I was thinking I should call Janet and let her know Samantha's all right."

"No excuses, isn't that what you're always telling me?" Daniel smiled.

"You're right." he said, tossing up his hands in resignation. "So, we gonna order in? I think since I'm buying I should get to choose."

"No more pizza," Daniel said.

"No Mexican," Teal'c added.

"Carter? You got any opinions?" Jack was surprised how easily he fell back on calling her by her last name when he was with the rest of the guys. He almost expected to hear her answer, "no, sir."

"Chinese?" she offered. He wasn't surprised; it was her usual choice. Maybe something's were coming back to her without her realizing it.

"Chinese work for you guys?" Daniel and Teal'c nodded. "That way when we're hungry in an hour, Daniel can spring for dessert."

"Cute, Jack," Daniel said, trying to look annoyed, but it was obvious he was glad they'd stopped by. If nothing else for a free dinner.

"Teal'c, toss me the phone," Jack said, catching the cordless handset when it was launched in his direction. Most people had their friends registered in their speed-dial. Daniel had take-out places. Pressing number six, Jack waited a moment before placing the standard order.

"It'll be about a half an hour," he announced. "You mind if I call Janet?"

Daniel absent mindedly shook his head as he wandered back towards Samantha and Teal'c.

There were several different tones on the phone before an automated voice requested he punch in the extension of the party he wished to contact. Jack pressed the keypad and waited a few more seconds before he heard,

"Dr. Janet Fraiser."

"Hi, Doc. It's Jack O'Neill."

"Where the hell have you been?" Janet's angry voice came over the line. "I've been trying to reach Sam all day!"

"It's okay, she's been with me. Just a little more touring around the city, seeing if anything jogs a memory." It was a bit of a stretch, but if he told Janet he'd had her doing yard work and drinking beer, he was sure she'd order him to return Samantha to the infirmary where she could be properly looked after.

"Any luck?" she asked, sounding a little calmer.

"She did mention something about a dream and why she hates guns, like she told you when she woke up, but other than that, nada."

"Where are you now?"

"We came to see how Daniel's doing. Do you want to talk to her?"

"Yes, and I want to talk to Daniel after that."

"Samantha, Janet would like to talk to you," he said, holding out the phone. Sam stood, taking the phone from him.

"Yes. Fine," she said, rolling her eyes at Jack. He didn't have to ask what that was all about. "No, really. No, he's not tiring me out. We're just hanging out with his. . .with Daniel and Teal'c. We're going to have dinner soon," she added, looking over at Jack shrugging her shoulders as if she didn't know what to say to the doctor.

"Yes. Okay. Uh, no. It's probably better if you try to get a hold of me at Jack's. Because the sofa was killing his back. It's only for a day or two, right? How much longer am I going to need a baby-sitter?" Samantha's voice was getting louder. "Okay. All right. Yes. I'll come in tomorrow. Bye."

Samantha handed the phone to Daniel who looked equally thrilled to have to answer Janet's questions.

"She give you a hard time?" Jack asked.

"I suppose she's just concerned, but Holy Hannah, she sure doesn't cut me much slack."

Jack looked up at her use of the expression. Did she realize it was a phrase she often used?

"She said she won't even consider letting me go home, by myself, until she sees me again. That's why I said tomorrow. No sense dragging this out."

"I suppose you're right. What time did she tell you to come in?"

"She didn't give me a time."

"Well, I should probably check-in with the general, too. 0800?"

"That's 8 a.m., right? Sounds good." Jack was about to make some comment about her forgetting military time when Daniel yelled,

"Hey, shouldn't you be going to get that food, LOSER?"

"You're eating last," Jack said, wagging his finger at Daniel. Fishing his car keys out of his pocket, he felt Samantha's hand on his arm.

"I'll go with you."

Jack felt a stab of guilt as he replied, "uh, why don't you stay here, get to know Danny and Teal'c better. I got this covered." He smiled and gave the hand resting on his arm a pat.

Samantha swallowed, her eyes growing large. "Sure. Good idea."

Jack felt his stomach twist at the look on her face. She looked almost terrified at the thought of being alone with them.

Jack lowered his voice, "it'll be okay, Samantha. They really are your friends."

She nodded, this time looking more confident. One thing hadn't changed--when she put her mind to something, she accomplished it.

"Be back in fifteen," Jack called, as he headed out the door. Daniel's voice barely reached him as he was heading down the stairs.

"Don't forget the fortune cookies!"





*********





Samantha closed the door after Jack, taking a deep breath. Okay. She could do this. It's not like Teal'c and Daniel hadn't been making an effort to make her feel welcome. In fact, it was painfully obvious they wished she'd relax and let them be her friend.

"You want to watch some TV?" Daniel offered.

Samantha was still standing next to the door, feeling like she didn't want to stray too far from the exit.

"No, not really," she said. Then she was struck by an idea. Jack tried to get her to remember her past by showing her pictures, maybe asking Daniel about any experiences they shared she'd feel closer to him. Looking at the album had certainly made her feel closer to Jack.

"Jack said I was some kind of scientist."

"Yeah, an astrophysicist, why?"

"Did we ever work on a project together? Maybe if you told me about it, it might spark some memory." Samantha could see he was trying to recall an instance, but every time he seemed to come up with something, he shook his head.

"We've worked on lots of projects, it's just this damn order of Hammond's. Anything I could tell you is considered classified."

"I understand," she said. Slowly walking away from the door towards the center of Daniel's loft apartment. She really liked the wide expanse of space, decorated with various cultural artifacts. It reminded her of what a back room at a museum might look like. Organized clutter and shelves loaded with exotic objects. She looked at Teal'c who was observing her. He wasn't staring, exactly. She'd probably appraised him in a similar fashion when she'd arrived with Jack.

Jack. God, what was taking him so long? She felt so. . .exposed with out him there.

"You're not from Egypt, are you," she found herself saying to Teal'c.

"I am not," Teal'c replied.

"Jack said you belonged to some obscure religious cult in Egypt."

Daniel exchanged a look with Teal'c. "My 'cult,' as you call it, has emulated Egyptian culture," Teal'c said. "Perhaps this is where O'Neill has gotten his impression from."

Samantha tried to hear the words Daniel was whispering into Teal'c's ear, catching only the word "classified."

"I see," he said to Daniel. The three of them ended up staring at each other, all at a loss for words.

"Maybe some television *would* be good," Samantha suggested. At least that way if they weren't talking it wouldn't be so noticeable. Daniel flipped through the channels as she took a seat next to him on the couch.

"Sports, more sports, cooking show, bad movie, sports," Daniel called out as the stations switched.

"Is that not the game O'Neill prefers?" Teal'c asked as a hockey game flashed on the screen.

"Yeah. I suppose we should leave that on. Jack's bound to know it's on and he'll make us watch it anyway."

"You don't like hockey?" Samantha asked.

"It's all right, I suppose. I just don't see the point of batting around a circle of rubber while on skates."

"About as much sense as moving small objects around on a board with squares," Teal'c interjected.

Samantha smiled as the men playfully argued over the merits of "intellectual" games as opposed to physical ones. She thought the hockey game looked rather interesting. Certainly more exciting than watching Jack and Daniel's chess match.

She was about to comment when they heard the sound of a boot kicking on the door. Samantha rose to answer it, to find Jack loaded down with bags of food. Taking the one out of his mouth first, she smiled when he thanked her.

"Guess I can't ask Daniel for a hand when he's only got the one. Thanks, Teal'c," he called out to the still-seated Jaffa. "Don't get up, we got this." Jack's sarcasm was completely lost on him, but Samantha grinned. There was something about Jack's humor she found endearing. It was one of his best qualities, she decided.

"Hey! I didn't know there was a game on today!" Jack said, dumping his bags on the table, promptly plopping himself next to Daniel. Samantha stared at the mess of bags on the table. Did they just expect her to do something about the food while the three of them sat mesmerized by the TV?

"Samantha, come watch the game. We'll take care of that when there's a commercial."

She took a seat next to Jack. There wasn't much room left on the sofa with the men sprawled out, so she wasn't surprised when Jack's arm draped over her shoulders as she settled back against the sofa. Actually, it felt good. She hated to admit how much more comfortable she was when he was in the room.

"You know anything about hockey?" he asked, eyes still glued to the screen.

"Not much. I know they're trying to get the puck into the goal, but that's about it."

Jack explained a few rudimentary rules in-between yelling at the television, at both the team he was rooting for and the opposing team. Every time he shouted at the screen, his hand squeezed involuntarily on her shoulder. It didn't hurt, but it was funny how she could tell an outburst was coming by the tension in his arm.

A commercial came on and Jack vaulted off the couch, heading for the food. "Daniel, you want me to get you something?"

"That'd be great, Jack," Daniel replied, his voice sounding sleepy.

"Daniel, are you feeling okay?" Samantha asked.

"I guess I'm a little tired," he admitted. "I usually don't stay up this long at a stretch. This thing still takes a lot out of me," he said, nodding to his shoulder. "There's times I'd do anything for a sarcophagus."

"You remember what happened the last time you tried that," Jack warned.

"Yeah, I know," Daniel sighed.

"Sarcophagus?" Samantha asked. "As in the ancient Egyptian tomb thing?"

Daniel and Jack looked at each other, as if they'd said something they shouldn't have.

"Uh, yeah. It's a type of. . .painkiller Teal'c's people have, but it's highly addictive, so he doesn't use it anymore." Samantha noticed Jack's hesitation. Either he was lying again, or not telling her the whole truth.

"And it's called 'sarcophagus?'"

"Street name," Daniel added.

Samantha wasn't sure she bought their explanation. Maybe it was another one of those classified things they couldn't talk about. There sure seemed to be a lot of that going on around here.

"Ya know, Danny, maybe we should call it a night. You look beat. We can finish watching the game at my place."

"You just bought dinner. At least stay and eat something."

"We'll take it home. I can always nuke it when we get there. Janet's going to have my head as it is. I don't need to add you to my list."

"'Nuke it?'" Samantha asked.

"Yeah, microwave it," Jack slightly surprised she didn't recognize the term.

"But you guys just got here!" Daniel cried. "No offense, Teal'c, but it's nice to have someone else to talk to once in a while."

"None taken."

"I'll call you tomorrow," Jack promised. "Teal'c, make sure he lays down. And not on the couch," he added to Daniel.

"Who would have had you pegged for a mother hen?" Daniel said.

"That's Teal'c's area of expertise," Jack smiled, as he dished up Daniel and Teal'c's portions of food.





*********





Samantha had been quiet on the drive back from Daniel's. It wasn't a long trip, but even once in his house, Jack noticed she still hadn't said much.

"Samantha? Something wrong? You've been so quiet. Anything happen while I went to get dinner?" he asked, removing the wire bales from the paper take-out cartons.

"Hmm? Oh. No. I was just thinking. There's so much that you guys can't talk about with me. Not that you don't have anything else in common, but so much of your friendship seems tied to your work, I feel like I put a damper on your conversation when I'm around. Either you have to make up lame excuses or just skip over something I probably used to know."

Jack coughed. Well, he didn't really expect her to buy his explanations, did he? She might not remember having a Ph.D. in quantum mechanics, but that didn't mean she wasn't smart. In fact, she was probably quicker to pick things up now. She didn't have all that scientific stuff distracting her.

"It's not like that, Samantha. I suppose none of us know where we stand. It's kinda weird being best friends with someone and having to go back to square one. You forget how you became friends in the first place, so you're not sure where to start."

"And I feel like I should just be able to jump into being friends with you all again without the history. I don't know why I don't feel that when I'm with you, though. Technically I don't know any more about you and your life than I do theirs, so I can't explain why I feel more comfortable around you."

Samantha's honesty caught Jack off-guard. Not that he didn't suspect Carter felt that way by the rapport they had, but she would never come right out and admit something like that to him. Of course, he wouldn't either. It's probably why they had such a tendency to dance around each other. Neither could say how they really felt. But Samantha could. She had an innocence that reminded him of a child, but she was in no way naive. It was a strange combination.

"I'm glad your comfortable with me," Jack found himself confessing. Embarrassed, he turned back to heating their dinner. "Do me a favor? Turn the game on. At least I'll be able to hear it."

"Tell you what, you go watch it and I'll finish this."

"Thanks!" he cried. He should have just asked her if she minded getting it ready, but it seemed rather presumptuous when it was his house.

A few minutes later Samantha entered the living room with the cartons on a tray, along with plates and silverware.

"I hope you don't mind, I just dug around until I found stuff."

"No, no, fine," he mumbled, eyes glued to the TV set. "Oh, man! He should have had that one! That ref's an ass. . .jerk!" he amended, looking sheepishly at her.

"Hey, you aren't going to offend me," Samantha said, ladling stir-fry on top of her rice. Taking a seat on the floor in front of the sofa, she watched the replay and got nearly as excited as Jack. "That shot was in! You're right! The ref's an asshole! Can't they reverse his decision?"

"Not after he made the call," he said, helping himself to the remainder of the food, settling back on the couch.

"Jack, it's early summer. Why is hockey still on?"

"It's the end of the season. This game's like 'battle of the losers' or something."

Samantha laughed. "Then how come you're watching it?"

"Hey, it's hockey! I'd watch it even if it was a bunch of old ladies and they were on skates and got into fights!"

"Oh, so *that's* what the big attraction is. You're not into all that wrestling stuff too, are you?" Samantha asked, cringing.

"Naw. All that's staged. If I'm going to see a fight, I want it to be over something that matters."

"Like a little hunk of rubber," she smiled.

"Exactly. Oh! It's back on again!" Jack turned up the volume as Samantha settled back against the base of the sofa. She let him watch the game with only a question here and there. If she would have said something, he probably wouldn't have heard it anyway. When there was a game on, it seemed he wouldn't have noticed a nuclear blast.

The game ended and he forced himself not to toss his plate on the table before him in his anger over the score. Samantha was sitting close to where his legs rested on the floor. She reached over and rubbed his shin.

"I'm sorry they lost. If it hadn't been for that bad call earlier, they would have won." She took his plate before he could throw it. Maybe she was a mind reader now.

"Thanks for getting this ready," Jack said, waving at the scattered cartons. Without thinking, he rested his hand on her head, threading his fingers through her hair, massaging gently. After a few seconds Samantha's head dropped back, eyes closed.

"That feels good," she mumbled. Suddenly Jack realized what his hand was doing and he jerked it back. What the hell was he doing? He quickly stood, picking up the mess on the table before him. He could feel Samantha's eyes on him, questioning.

"Let me help you," she offered.

"That's okay. I got it," he said a little harshly, turning to retreat into the kitchen. God, he hoped she didn't follow him. He needed a minute to himself. Jack dumped the containers in the trash, setting the tray and plates by the sink. Leaning against the counter, he rubbed his hands over his face.

What was he thinking? It just seemed so natural to touch her, he didn't realize he was doing it until his hand was buried in her hair. It felt good. He imagined his hand snaking further down the back of her head, caressing her neck, and onto her shoulders. And when she leaned her head back. . . . Damn it! Daniel was right. This was a dangerous situation! This was Carter, for Christ's sake! If she knew who she was would he be acting this way? He couldn't say the thought hadn't crossed his mind, but he sure as hell wouldn't have acted on it!

"Okay, O'Neill," he said to himself, running a hand through his short hair, "get a grip. You're not sixteen, even if you've been acting like it. This is Carter, your second-in-command. Off-limits. No thoughts, and no more touching. Got it?" Jack sighed. "Yeah, right."

"Jack?" he heard her call from the other room. "I'm pretty beat. I think I'm going to turn in; we've got an early morning tomorrow."

"Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow," he called back. He was too chicken even to go in to wish her a good night.





*********





Samantha washed her face, brushed her teeth and walked quickly to the room she now occupied. She didn't want to run into Jack in the hallway. Apparently he didn't care to meet her either, as he still hadn't emerged from the kitchen.

What the hell happened at the end of the game? All he did was rub her head a little. What was so terrible about that? He sure seemed bugged by it, though. And it had felt so good. It had sent tingles down her spine. What would it have been like if his hand slipped lower? Jack had told her he was her commanding officer, did that have something to do with it? She supposed it probably was against some rule for people working together in the military to be involved, but it was just a pat on the head! Okay, so it didn't exactly feel platonic, but maybe that's the way he meant it and she'd just mis-interpreted it. But if that was the case, why was Jack so embarrassed? Why would he hide out in the kitchen until she'd left the room? That was the real reason she told him she was going to bed. So he wouldn't have to spend the rest of the night in the kitchen trying to decide how to gracefully re-enter the living room. Maybe things would blow over by morning and they wouldn't feel so awkward around each other. She hoped so. It'd only been about a half an hour and she already missed him.

Samantha sighed, sliding in-between the cool, crisp sheets. With the jumbled state her thoughts were in, she had a feeling she wasn't going to get much sleep.





*********





Samantha sat on the hospital bed as Janet examined her. Had it really only been two days since she'd been here? It felt as though a lifetime had passed. In some respects it had. She'd certainly been bombarded with enough information that it felt like years.

The morning was spent as normally as she could have expected. Jack was back to his "old self," if she could claim to know what that was after being acquainted with him for such a short amount of time. It was if the episode in the living room hadn't happened. In some ways she was a little disappointed he could turn his feelings on and off so easily, but then again it was nice to have things back on an even keel again. They'd even had quite an animated conversation in the car about how a person could like opera and Guns N' Roses in equal measure.

Thinking of Jack, Samantha wondered how his meeting with General Hammond was going. He said he'd pick her up in the infirmary when they were through. Obviously, the meeting was taking longer than he'd planned.

"All done," Janet announced. "Medically, everything looks good, Sam. Colonel O'Neill mentioned something about a dream, though?"

Samantha faltered, she wasn't sure how to explain it. "I'm not sure it was a dream. It was like a dream in that it was disconnected. But I was having an argument with a man about shooting a gun, and when I turned around, it was the same man that was in a picture Jack had shown me. So, I'm assuming it was my father. I just had a feeling I was letting him down somehow by not using the gun."

"And what about the pictures? Did they help at all?"

"Not really," Samantha said. "Jack told me stories behind the pictures. Frankly, if I hadn't seen myself in the pictures, I don't know that I would have believed him."

"Well, your team *is* a bit unorthodox, but you get the job done, and I guess that's what counts."

"I mean more about the part of me being in the military. It's just so odd that I can look at those pictures, see it's the person I see in the mirror, but it's like I have no connection to her. That's why I've started to go by 'Samantha.' I just don't feel like a 'Sam.'"

Janet sighed. "I really wish you could remember something. For two reasons, actually. The first is the obvious reason. The second is I don't think you should be alone if you have another spontaneous remembrance."

"Why should that make a difference?"

"Well, you could experience anything from a headache like you had the other day to possibly slipping into a coma again."

Samantha laughed. "Janet, you can't be serious? Fall back into a coma because I remembered something?"

"Samantha, to be honest, I don't know what could happen. You never should have been in a coma in the first place. You've only been out of here for two days. I don't want you to be alone."

"Janet, I can't ask Jack to take care of me anymore. He's got a life to lead."

"You could stay with Cassandra and me," she offered. Samantha froze at the suggestion. She felt slightly more comfortable with Janet than she had with Daniel and Teal'c, but she couldn't imagine staying at the woman's house. So why hadn't she balked at the idea when Jack had suggested his place? She hated to admit it, but it felt more "right" to be at his house than her own apartment.

"That's really kind of you Janet, but. . . ."

"But she's got a place to stay," Jack finished for her, crossing into the infirmary.

Samantha looked up, smiling with relief that he'd rescued her from having to make up an excuse.

"Colonel, won't you be returning to active duty soon?" Janet asked.

"That's what my little chat with the general was about. He wants Teal'c and me back, but when I pointed out how much Daniel and Samantha needed our help, he relented. Besides, I'm due some leave time as well. She can stay with me as long as she needs."

Samantha and Janet were both about to argue with him when he held up his hands. "End of discussion, ladies. Now, is Samantha free to go?"

"I don't see why not," Janet said. "But if either of you have any questions, promise you'll call me?"

"Ya gotta deal, Doc." Jack held his hand out to help Samantha off the bed. "Shall we?"





*********





Jack escorted Samantha to the elevators, his hand almost protective on the small of her back. He'd had a bit of a run-in with the general when he requested the extra time off. Since Teal'c was technically a civilian, Hammond didn't have a problem with him taking time out to help Daniel. He, however, was a different story. Hammond reminded Jack how he was second-in-command at SGC and although he empathized with Captain Carter's predicament, he couldn't see his way clear to authorizing more downtime for the Colonel to sit at home and "hold her hand."

Jack knew the general was right--anyone could keep an eye on Samantha--but Hammond didn't understand the situation as he did. He hadn't seen how scared she'd been to be left with Daniel and Teal'c, two of her best friends. How would she react to a stranger? Using his personal leave was a last resort. Not that she wasn't worth spending it on, but it didn't do much to curry favor with the general. Next time Hammond wasn't likely to be so lenient with him.

Jack's thoughts were interrupted by Samantha's voice as he opened her car door for her. "I just wanted to thank you for getting me out of the situation with Janet. I don't know if I could have stayed at a virtual stranger's house. Well, I guess I am," she smiled shyly.

"Samantha! You wound me!" Jack teased, putting his hand to his heart. "I thought we were beyond all that."

"I guess we are," she said, blowing out a breath. "I just wish I knew why everything feels right when you're around."

Jack wasn't used to Sam being so forthright with her feelings. It didn't scare him, exactly, but it did make him a little uncomfortable when he felt he couldn't be as up-front as she was.

"The others will start to feel right too," he said, squeezing her hand before reaching for the shift. He watched Samantha settle into her seat, contented smile on her face. He was a little surprised by the simple beauty of it. It wasn't that Sam didn't smile. She did. A lot. But there was always so much on her mind, it was rare to see her just enjoying the day.

Occasionally, he'd seen her lost in the beauty of a foreign world, but as soon as she realized someone was watching her, she closed down again. Samantha didn't do that, she now had a life free of regret and guilt. It was as if she'd been given a second chance. Granted, she'd traded her memories for that chance. He did envy that, though, no matter what she said. To have even one day without the guilt would be heaven.

"Jack, did you always want to be in the military?" Samantha asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Uh, it wasn't my first choice," he said, smiling at the memory. "I'd gotten into some trouble and my options were pretty slim. Join the military or go to jail. At the time there didn't seem to be much difference. I realize now that I made the right call. I can't imagine what my life would have been had I chosen the other path."

"I know how you feel. Not about the military thing, but about choosing a path. I feel as if I'm at a cross-roads. I'm not sure where to go, and yet I feel I can't go back."

"I'm not sure I follow you."

"It's pretty obvious I'm not cut out for the Air Force," she said with a smile. "I don't remember any of my training, and I'm sure as hell not going to go through it again. Can you see me in boot camp?"

Jack had to smile at the notion. Carter, he wouldn't have had any doubt about, but Samantha? She wouldn't last a week.

"No, I guess I can't."

"So, there you go. I can't see going back to school to become a scientist either. So I'm going to have to look elsewhere. Didn't I have any other interests? Knitting? Dog sitting? Hamster farming?"

Jack laughed at Samantha grasping at career straws. "No, you had pretty much a one track mind."

"Too bad. I can think of one more track I should have thought more about," she smiled at him.

Was she flirting with him? She was! Jack did a bit of a double-take as she turned from him, closing her eyes to the sunshine flowing through the car window. She still had a small smile on her face. How did he respond to something like that? He decided ignoring it was the best course of action at this point. Damn, it was hard to remember this was Carter when she acted like this!

"You know, you don't have to decide anything today," he said, hoping they were back on neutral ground.

Samantha seemed to realize he was trying to stay on their original topic. "You're right. Not something I have to know by tomorrow."

The mood in the car had changed and Jack didn't know how to lighten things up without making some joke. Why couldn't he tell her this was hard for him as well? To see his once confident friend and comrade at loose ends? Or to admit, especially lately, he'd added another track to his thoughts.





*********





During the next week or so, Jack acted as a guide for Samantha, taking her all around Colorado Springs. It felt odd seeing a city he'd lived in for so many years through the eyes of a tourist, but he'd had a great time. It wasn't visiting a new planet, but it was still discovering new things with Samantha. They'd gone to dinner, movies, even drove to Denver one night to see a play. Jack had always been under the assumption he'd be bored with a "normal" life. His short-lived retirement certainly had proven that. But then, he'd basically been alone. With his estrangement from Sara, he had no one to share his thoughts with as he now did Samantha.

He'd shown her his telescope, pointing out things that went un-noticed to the naked eye. She'd gotten really excited by what she'd seen and had taken to reading everything she could find on Jack's book shelves about astronomy. He teased her about not being able to take the "science" out of the "scientist," but she ignored his jokes. They spent hours on his roof, Samantha peppering him with questions. Many he couldn't answer, but he loved to watch her, seeing her so animated. Her enthusiasm reminded him of Daniel and his "rocks." There were times she was like the Sam he used to know. Still, there was side of her he was finding himself more and more attracted to. The side that didn't remember the Air Force. The side that didn't know it was considered wrong for her to look at him the way she did sometimes. And he found himself wanting to forget as well.

A soft breeze would blow her short blonde hair, catching the light of the moon, and all he wanted to do was run his fingers through it, pull her close, kiss those tempting lips. . . . But he couldn't. Nothing had been decided about her position at the SGC or in the Air Force. It would be wrong to act on what he felt they both wanted when it might be taken away the next day.





*********





Jack woke to find Samantha sitting on his porch, watching the sunrise, mug of coffee in her hands.

"Morning," he said with a yawn, opening the door and joining her. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Watching the sun rise. It's beautiful," she sighed, reaching up to take his hand and pull him down next to her. Their shoulders touched as they sat on the steps in silence, watching the sky change color.

"Want some coffee?" she asked offering him her cup.

He took the mug from her hands, taking a large sip before handing it back. "So, how come you're up so early?"

"I couldn't sleep. Too much stuff in here," she smiled, tapping her head. Samantha looked at the fully-risen sun. "Ever wonder what it would look like if the sun was a red giant, or what a sunrise on a planet with a binary star system would be like?"

Jack's head whipped around to look at her. Had she remembered going to PR9-263 a few weeks ago? It had been a binary system Sam had been totally fascinated with.

"What?" she asked, taking another drink from her mug, eyeing him curiously.

"Yeah, I guess I have," he said, trying to sound like he'd had the same thoughts and hadn't actually witnessed it.

"Well, I just bet it would be spectacular, that's all."

"I bet it would," he said, still waiting to see if she added anything to her statement, but Samantha was off on another tangent.

"How about we invite Daniel, Teal'c, Janet and Cassie over tonight," she suggested. "I mean, maybe you could. It is you house. I didn't mean to be presumptuous."

"You really want them to come over?"

"Yeah. I think I do. It's time I made some new/old friends."

Jack's face lit up. "I'm glad you want them to come over. They keep asking about you."

Samantha looked him squarely in the eye. "I can't stay here forever, Jack. I need to get back to having some kind of life. Friends are the first step."

Jack's enthusiasm waned a bit. She hadn't been in his home that long, but already she seemed to be a fixture. Samantha was right of course, but he was really going to miss her if Janet cleared her to be on her own.

"Is that okay, Jack?" she asked, touching his arm to get his attention.

"Yeah. Yeah! It's great! I'll set it up."

"Thanks, Jack. I don't know what I'd do without you," Samantha said, giving him a peck on the cheek. She rose quickly, moving into the house before either of them had a chance to get embarrassed by her impulsiveness.

"I'm not sure what I'm going to do without you either," he mumbled to himself.





*********





Samantha was doing her best to have a good time at the party. She knew the happier and independent she seemed, the sooner Janet would release her into her own custody. Not that staying with Jack had been a hardship. Quite the opposite, actually. That was the problem. She was getting a little *too* comfortable in his house. The only time she went to her apartment was to water her plants, and Jack drove her. He had no life, no time by himself. Surely he was getting tired of her constantly being around. She'd taken to letting him go up on the roof to use his telescope by himself just so he had some time alone. That is until he asked her if she'd lost interest, since she didn't come up with him. She tried to explain she was "giving him his space," but he said she'd know when he wanted it. So, they were back to being joined at the hip. She just hoped his friends didn't bug him about it. She'd seen how defensive he'd gotten at Daniel's when he suggested she and Jack were spending so much time together.

Samantha was surveying the room when Cassandra came up to her. "Hi, Sam. Oops. Sorry, Mom said you like to be called 'Samantha' now."

"It's okay," Samantha smiled. "Either one is fine. So, how's the party so far?"

"Seriously? Kind of boring. You know, all they talk about is adult junk. Usually something to do with work."

"Well, that's the thing they have the most in common."

"Yeah, but you don't talk about work. At least not anymore. Mom says you don't remember who you are." Cassie was blunt, but Samantha found it oddly refreshing.

"No, I don't. In a lot of ways I'm like you, I still have to figure out what I'm going to do and where I belong."

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

Samantha couldn't help the surprised laugh that escaped her.

"Sorry," Cassie said. "Colonel Jack says that a lot. Mom doesn't like it when I say it."

"Colonel Jack's nice, huh?" Samantha said, looking up to see Jack's gaze resting on her as she talked with Cassandra.

"Yeah. I wish I saw him more. Well, all of you guys actually. But I know you're busy."

"I'm not that busy. How about we go to the park, say, on Sunday?"

"Really! That'd be cool! Mom's so busy she hardly has time to sleep these days. Course I don't know what she was like before I came to live with her."

Samantha gave Cassie a quizzical look. "Before you came to live with her?"

"You know, you're the one who found me on Hanka. Oh, I suppose that's one of the things you don't remember, huh? You found me on Hanka and brought me here and. . ."

"Cassandra!" Janet's voice rang out across the room, causing her to jump. Janet was making a bee-line for the girl who only looked confused.

"Cassie, honey, why don't you go see what Daniel is up to?"

"But, Mom! I was talking to Sam!"

"I know, sweetie. You can talk to her later. I need to talk to her right now."

Janet turned to Samantha, smiling. "Kids, huh? She telling more of her tall tales?"

"She said I was the one who found her *on* Hanka. I'm assuming Hanka's a town somewhere. So how come she didn't say *in?* Hanka?"

"She probably just got confused. So, Samantha. I haven't had a chance to talk to you all night. How are things going?"

Samantha knew Janet was trying to change the subject by the way she hustled Cassie off. Must be more of their top-secret stuff, but how would a child be involved in all that? Samantha refocused her attention on Janet's conversation, hoping something would begin to make sense.





***





Samantha spent the night circulating from one person to the next, trying to find some common ground with each of them. At the end of the evening, she found the only one she truly could relate to was Cassandra, and she was the person with whom she'd had the least contact in the past. She didn't really feel depressed at the way things turned out, but she was a little disappointed. And she felt like she'd disappointed Jack as well. He so wanted her to remember these people who were such a part of his life. Every time she felt him looking at her, she flashed him a brilliant smile, hoping he'd think she was having a good time, so he'd relax and enjoy himself.

It must have worked, because he was jabbering to her a mile a minute as they cleaned up empty soda and beer bottles, as well as the remains from several bowls of chips. Something about what he and Daniel had been discussing

"This really was a great idea, Samantha. I think it was good for Daniel to get out for awhile too. And I'm glad you finally had a chance to meet Cassie."

"Yeah," she agreed. "She's a great kid."

"Smart too. She's got a great sense of humor."

"She idolizes you, you know," Samantha said.

"Well, probably because she doesn't have a dad."

"I think she's got a crush on you," Samantha smiled.

"Jealous?"

"Maybe," she teased back. At that Samantha looked up at Jack, not sure what emotion was registering on his face.

"I was kidding," she said, resuming her clean-up efforts, but the tension seemed to remain. Did he want her to be jealous?

Samantha tried to get past him to get the vacuum, but he took her by the arms, holding her at bay.

"Leave the rest. I'll get it in the morning. Why don't you get some sleep. You look tired."

"Well, now that you mention it, I am a little sleepy. You sure you don't mind leaving this mess until morning?"

"If you weren't here, I'd leave it 'till the next party," he grinned. He leaned forward, kissing her on the forehead. "'Night, Samantha."

Samantha froze as he neared her. Oh, how she wished it wasn't such a platonic kiss! It'd been a rough night trying to pretend she was getting to know "the gang" better. What she really could have used was a hug. But she couldn't tell him that.

She gave him a weak smile. "You have a good night too." Slowly she backed away from the hands holding her, retreating to her room.





***





As tired as she as she was, sleep seemed to allude her. She tossed and turned so much, her blankets were in a ball at the end of the bed.

"This is ridiculous," she sighed, getting up. Maybe some warm milk would help. "or a beer," she added.

Jack had long since gone to bed and was no doubt out like a light. For a guy who was supposedly "combat ready," he sure slept soundly. Since he was down for the count, Samantha didn't feel the need to put on a robe over her nightgown. It was hot enough without an extra layer.

Padding to the refrigerator, Samantha eyed the milk and the beer. She knew in her already melancholy state the beer probably wasn't the best choice, but she took it anyway. She walked back into the living room, setting the bottle on the table, using a magazine as a coaster.

She felt like crying. For the first time since she woke up in the infirmary, she really missed being Sam. She *wanted* to be a part of the group that gathered here. She wanted to laugh with them about some silly exploit they'd all shared in. She wanted to be able to answer Daniel's questions if she believed in the theory of an expanding universe. She wanted to remember being Jack's second-in-command, to know what that level of trust felt like. And most of all, she wanted them to not have to walk on egg shells around her because something about their work might slip out.

Samantha pulled her legs up, hugging her knees to her chest. She lay her head on her knees as the tears silently fell. Suddenly, the harsh glare of the overhead light assailed her.

"Sam? It's three a.m.! What are you doing up?"

She quickly tried to hide the fact she'd been crying. "Would you mind turning the light off? It's hurting my eyes."

The light snapped off as Jack entered the living room. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she swallowed. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come out here for awhile."

"And have a beer?"

"Well, I had to be such a good girl with Dr. Frasier in the room," she tried to joke.

"Come on, Samantha. You never get up in the middle of the night. Especially to sneak a beer. What's up?"

Samantha cleared her throat. "I told you. I just couldn't sleep. I thought maybe a beer would make me drowsy."

"All out of milk, huh? Damn. I hate it when I have to eat corn flakes with beer."

Samantha made an attempt at smiling. "There's plenty of milk and you know it."

Jack sat down on the sofa next to her. He was dressed in just a pair of sweat shorts, and she couldn't keep her eyes from straying to his chest. The residual light from the street was almost reflecting off him.

"You've been crying, haven't you?"

"No, not really."

"Samantha. . . ." he warned.

"Okay," she sighed. "I guess I was feeling a little sorry for myself, so I came out here to cry in my beer," she tried to laugh, but it came out a rather choked.

"C'mere," he said, pulling her into his arms. "You know it's not so terrible to admit you feel upset. Hell, I was beginning to wonder if you cared at all you couldn't remember who you were."

His words caused her cry again. "Shhh. It's okay. Just let it out." he mumbled other words that made little or no sense, but she didn't care. The feel of his fingers in her hair and the vibration in his chest as he spoke were comforting, reassuring.

"I tried so hard to get on with my life," she sniffed. "I wanted to prove to myself being Sam Carter wasn't everything. That I could have a life without remembering her. But I can't seem to. Everyone's in limbo, waiting for me to wake up and take my place again. I realized tonight how much everyone misses her, and I found I was missing her too."

"We miss her for your sake," Jack spoke, lips pressed into her hair. "It's not like we don't care about the person you are now--we do--but we feel bad for all you've lost."

Samantha stopped crying, but Jack held her still. She didn't want to move for fear he'd let go of her and she'd have to apologize for getting too personal. Instead his arms seemed to tighten, almost as if he were afraid she was going to try to break the contact. His hands continued to run absently though her hair, and she felt him place a kiss on her temple. He moved slightly, kissing her ear. Taking her hand, she wiped the spent tears from his chest, placing a soft kiss where her hand had just been.

Samantha felt his breath catch and knew he was feeling the same desire that was spreading though her. She turned her head to look into his eyes. He was staring at her, almost questioning before he moved closer to kiss her on the mouth. It started out light, reassuring, but when she opened her mouth beneath his, it quickly turned heated.

"Samantha," he moaned into her mouth, their tongues beginning a slow dance, "this probably isn't a good idea," he managed before she claimed his mouth again.

"You're right," she spoke against his lips. "You want to stop?"

"No," he said, moving his lips to her shoulder. "You?"

"No," she replied, pulling his head back up to her mouth. Samantha's hands roamed his shoulders and chest, meeting at his spine, tracing the dip in his back. She wasn't sure if he pushed her back onto the sofa or if she lay down, brining him with her. She was only aware of pulling him closer, wrapping herself around him.

This probably *was* stupid, she told herself, but she didn't care. She'd felt an attraction to him from the moment she'd seen him. Samantha didn't want to admit it at the time, but she'd been disappointed when Janet told her he wasn't her husband.

Jack was depositing light kisses on the exposed column of her throat, causing her to groan. His hands pushed the spaghetti straps of her nightgown over, as he trailed his lips and tongue over her collar bone.

"Jack. . . ." she sighed.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, kissing the valley between her breasts.

"God, no!" She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him even closer. "Make love to me."

Jack pulled back, looking into her eyes, as if seeking confirmation.

"Don't make me beg," she smiled. "It'll ruin the moment."

Jack kissed her again as he picked her up, carrying her to his bedroom. Somewhere along the way, they managed to shed their scant clothing, allowing it to fall haphazardly to the floor.





*********





Slowly, Jack began drifting back to consciousness. He'd had the most erotic dream about a woman.

"Sara. . . ." he mumbled. Suddenly his eyes popped open, knowing it was the wrong name. He felt a body stiffen beside him, then a cool rush of air as the covers were dragged off him. Samantha was wrapping the sheet around her body, struggling to get out of the bed.

"Samantha!" Jack cried, trying to grab her around the waist to prevent her leaving. He missed, but she didn't go. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, ready to flee.

"Samantha, I'm sorry," he said, running a hand through his disheveled hair.

"Who is she, Jack?" Samantha's voice was cold, hurt.

"My wife. My *ex* wife," he quickly amended.

"Apparently she's not as 'ex' as you think." Samantha moved further away from him as he lay his hand on her bare back. "Please don't touch me."

"It was a mistake! I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, it was a mistake all right," she said. Somehow he didn't think she was referring strictly to his calling her by the wrong name. At least she was still in the room. That was one good thing.

"Samantha," he said quietly. "Ya gotta understand. I haven't. . . I mean there hasn't been anyone since Sara. And we were married for a long time. It doesn't help that you bear a similar physical resemblance to her. . . "

"So that's what this was about? Close your eyes and it could be like it was with your wife?" Samantha was off the bed now, wrapping the sheet tighter around her body. He felt naked in more ways than one.

"That's not what I meant!" he cried, trying to get off the bed. "Samantha, listen to me! I only meant I was confused for a moment!"

Her back was to him, her voice so low he had to strain to hear it. "I thought there was something special between us, Jack. I thought I felt something the minute you picked up my hand in the infirmary. I guess I was wrong."

"You weren't wrong, Samantha," he said, taking her by the shoulders turning her around to face him. "I suppose it's like Daniel said. There's always been something between us, but we never acted on it out of professionalism. I'm still not sure this is fair to you. . .to either of us should you resume your career in the Air Force. Last night, I just couldn't fight it any more."

Samantha looked up at him and he hoped it was forgiveness he saw in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Jack. I guess I over-reacted a little. This is new for me, in so many respects. I suppose I was a little nervous about how you were going to react waking up with me in your bed. It wasn't exactly the scenario I'd worked out."

"Oh?" he smiled. "And what did you have in mind?"

"Well, it didn't involve a fight."

"I'm a little cold here," Jack said, "Think we could share that sheet?"

Samantha grinned as she unwound the cotton material from her body, wrapping it around him instead. "You are cold!" she exclaimed as he pulled her close.

"Care to warm me up?"

She slid her arms around his neck, dragging his head down for a long kiss.

"I'll take that as a 'yes.'"

"Yes."

"This a little more what you had in mind for when we woke up?" he teased.

"Yeah, but I had the impression we'd be horizontal when it actually happened," she smiled against his lips, kissing him again.

"That can be arranged," he said, dragging them back towards the bed, falling with her when his calves contacted the bedframe.

"Much better," she sighed, lightly biting his neck.





*********





Jack lost count the actual number of times they'd made love that morning. It was past noon, so it had to be in the hundreds, didn't it?

*Yeah, right, old man. Dream on!* he smiled to himself. He couldn't remember the last time he'd stayed in bed so late, but he wasn't complaining. Samantha was dozing, draped across his chest while his arm encircled her shoulders. She had great shoulders. He should know, he'd bitten them often enough in the past few hours. Now he settled for running his fingers over them, lightly tracing patterns on her smooth, if now slightly red skin.

God, it felt good to hold her like this, he thought. He'd wanted to for so long now. When, exactly, had he begun to think of her as more than his Captain? He couldn't put a finger on it, but if he were truthful with himself, it was before the accident on P6J-847. The trouble was, Samantha didn't remember being his Captain, and her guilelessness didn't help matters. She was so open and honest it was hard to resist the pull he'd nearly always felt towards her.

He'd only meant to see why she was crying. He'd had no preconceived notions about taking her to his bed. And then to wake up with Sara's name on his lips. He understood why she'd been hurt. If she'd called him by another man's name he would have been devastated. For so long he'd thought of her as his, he couldn't imagine her with another man. It'd kill him.

Jack rubbed his stubbly cheek against Samantha's hair. "Wake up, sleepy head. I'm starving and this time you're not on the menu."

He felt her smile against his chest. "Good thing, too. I really need to go to the bathroom." Samantha shifted so she was propped up on her elbows, looking into his eyes. "What time is it?"

"I'm not sure. After noon, though. I heard the clock in the living room at least a half an hour ago."

"I guess this means we should get up, huh?"

"I'll make you breakfast," he bribed.

"Really? I was under the impression the only thing you knew how to make was reservations."

Jack grabbed her, rolling her over so she was pinned beneath him as he began to tickle her mercilessly.

"Oh, you're going to pay for that!"

"Only if they give me the bill," she laughed at him.

Jack dug his fingers into her ribs, producing several squeals he never heard from her before.

"Jack! St. . .stop it! Pl. . .please! I can't breathe!"

He leaned over and kissed her, stealing the last of her breath. "Okay, I'll stop. But only because I don't want you to have an accident in my bed!"

Samantha jumped off the bed, once again stealing the sheet from him. "Just remember pay backs are a bitch!"

He watched her practically run for the bathroom. "Oh, I hope so!"





*********





Samantha pushed her damp hair behind her ears as she neared the kitchen. Leaning in the door frame, she took in the sight of Jack O'Neill, hardened military man standing by the stove in an apron. A floral apron.

"I'll bet the boys at the base would love to see this side of you," she smiled, entering the kitchen.

Jack jumped at the sound of her voice. "I thought you were still in the shower. I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you did that," she said, getting a mug from his cupboard, helping herself to coffee. "How did you get cleaned up so fast?" she asked, running a hand across his now smooth cheek.

"They don't call me 'Lightening Jack' for nothing!"

"Oh, I thought that was because of your sexual technique," she teased.

"Hey! I didn't hear you complainin'"

Samantha just grinned at him, taking a sip of her coffee. It seemed so odd to trade innuendoes with him without the inherent tension. It might even be the best thing about what happened between them. Okay, second best, but still, it was an added bonus. He definitely looked good in a pair of jeans, she thought. Especially since he'd neglected to put on a shirt.

"Okay, have a seat. Chez O'Neill is now serving."

Samantha pulled out a chair as Jack served up their breakfast. "Omelets? I'm impressed!"

"Wait 'till ya try it before you start handing out compliments," he said. "You want some juice?"

"No thanks. Coffee's good for me." Samantha took a tentative bite. It was good. It was very good! "I think you missed your calling. This is wonderful!"

"That's just because you worked up an appetite," he smirked.

"I'm serious, Jack! It's great! Thank you," she said, taking another forkful.

"Well, it's always nice to know I have a something I can fall back on if I ever get court-martialed."

Samantha stopped mid-bite. "Oh, Jack. I never thought of that. Could they really kick you out because you slept with me?"

"If all we'd done is sleep, I don't think they'd have a problem," he tried to joke. He looked into her eyes, no doubt seeing the remorse she felt at what their actions could mean for his career.

Jack reached over, taking her hand. "Don't look so worried. For one thing, at the moment you're technically not under my command."

"'Technically,'" she repeated. "What does that mean?"

"It means your position in the military is uncertain at this point, so I don't think they can claim I had relations with someone who's a subordinate, when we aren't in a command situation."

"That's splitting hairs, don't you think?"

"Well, I've gotten into worse scrapes than this as far as the regs are concerned. This won't be a problem. I won't let it." There was a steely determination to his voice, and Samantha was glad she wasn't on the receiving end of his resolve.

"I could always resign," Samantha said. "I'm not much use to them this way. I barely have access to the infirmary. I don't think I'd be considered such a loss."

"No one is resigning. We'll worry about it when it comes up, okay?" Jack gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and she nodded. There was something about just being with him that made her feel things were going to work out.

"So, do you have any plans for the rest of the day?" she asked, trying more of her breakfast.

"No, not really. You feel like going out?"

"I should probably check my mail, water the plants, that kind of stuff.."

"We could do that. You know, you could move your plants over here," Jack offered.

"That's kind of you, Jack, but I've already invaded your home enough." Samantha said, suddenly looking down. "Janet said I could probably be on my own.."

The silence was almost palatable. "I see. Is that why you wanted to go to your place? To move back?"

Samantha's appetite was suddenly gone. "I suppose I should," she said, still not looking at him.

"Samantha, you don't have to go. I don't want you to go." Now he was the one having a hard time looking at her.

"Really? I don't want to go, either," she confessed. The both looked up at the same time, both a little shy considering the activity they'd been engaged in little over an hour ago.

"Then it's settled. You can stay here as long as you want, okay?"

"Okay. But I still have to water the plants," she smiled.

"I was thinking about going to the park," Jack commented, finishing his omelet.

"That reminds me, I promised Cassie I'd take her tomorrow. Could we put it off a day?"

"Sure, that's not a problem. How about we invite Daniel and Teal'c too? They don't get to see much of Cassie either."

"Sounds good," Samantha said. She was starting to feel a little more at ease in their company. And since Jack seemed to go no where without them, she figured it was best to get to know them better.





***





They ended up spending most of the afternoon and early evening at her apartment. Samantha had finally gotten around to gathering more clothes, while Jack lay on the bed, watching her.

"Ya know, we could check out this bed," he grinned at her. "Just to see how it compares to mine of course."

"Oh, of course," she said, sitting next to him. "Purely for scientific research purposes."

"Did you have to mention 'scientific research?' Ya sure now how to put a damper on a guy's enthusiasm," he said, sitting up. He placed his arm around Samantha's shoulders, pulling her slightly backwards so he could kiss her.

"I think you could use a little 'damper,'" she smiled. "I'm not going to be able to walk tomorrow."

"Guess I'll have to carry you, then," Jack said, working the buttons on her blouse loose.

Samantha pushed his roaming hand away with a smile, refastening her shirt. "Let's just concentrate on the job at hand, shall we?"

"I thought I was."

"We're here to *get* me some more clothes, not get me *out* of them," she returned.

"Okay," Jack sighed, flopping back on the bed. "If you're not going to play I guess I'm gonna go home. Ya comin'?"

"Give me just a minute; I'll be there in a second." Samantha watched him leave the room, feeling slightly guilty for not insisting she could stay in her own apartment. It was fine while he was here, but the thought of watching him walk out the door without her, left an empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. Maybe it was a little selfish, but didn't she deserve to be just a little selfish in light of the way her life had been turned upside down?

"He invited you to stay," she said aloud, in an effort to allay her trepidation. Samantha crossed to her dresser, looking through the drawers.

"Come on, Sam, the nightgown wasn't bad, but don't you have something a little sexier hidden in here somewhere?" She riffled around until she came across a sheer, black teddy.

"Oh, yeah." she smiled holding up the filmy garment. "I bet *this* is one of the better kept secrets on the base!"





*********





If his payback for tickling Samantha had been the vision he'd seen before him, her ribs were in serious trouble. Stunned didn't begin to cover what he was feeling when she removed her robe, striding slowly towards his bed in her barely-there attire. The only word he'd managed to get out was "sweet."

Samantha had smiled at his reaction. He could tell she was pleased with the effect she'd had on him. Actually, she could have shown up in his bedroom in fatigues and he probably would have had the same reaction, but the teddy was a nice touch. One, once it was removed, he thanked her for over and over.

They lay spooned together, their legs tangled. He moved his head slightly so he could kiss the back of her neck, taking in the scent of her hair as he did so. He could hold her like this forever. Jack had felt like he'd been kicked in the gut when she'd told him over breakfast Janet had cleared her to be on her own. They'd finally made it over one of the biggest hurdles in their relationship--if he could consider one night the start of a relationship--and Samantha pulled the rug out from under him by telling him she should go home. She was home. All he had to do was make her see that. He was buoyed by the fact she'd readily agreed to stay with him. Was it possible she could have feelings for him already? He'd had a little over two years of daily interaction to get him to this point. Samantha had effectively known him only a couple of weeks.

Jack knew he had a "thing" for Sam shortly after they'd started working together, no matter how much he denied it to Daniel. She'd teased him that he'd like her once he got to know her, and it'd turned out to be true. First, professionally, then personally. He'd been attracted to her as a woman for a long time, he just knew better than to act on it. Or rather he did. He'd worked with a lot of beautiful women throughout his career, but he'd always known where to draw the line. And he probably could have kept his distance from Sam had she not become Samantha. But the traits he'd come to love and respect in Sam where present in Samantha, just without Sam's own set of rules of protocol holding her in check.

Jack knew Sam was attracted to him as well. The tension and flirting couldn't have reached the levels they did if she hadn't felt something for him. She joked around with Daniel, and sometimes even Teal'c, but there was a difference. He couldn't say exactly what that difference was, but it had nothing to do with him being her commander. Or being the only other soldier in the group. He was just grateful he was the recipient of her special smiles. He didn't think he could handle it if she looked at Daniel that way.

Samantha stirred in his arms, turning over to face him. "Hmmmm. What time is it?" she mumbled, still half-asleep.

"It's early," he whispered, adjusting his hold on her. "Go back to sleep."

"Yes, sir." she replied with a yawn, snuggling down on his chest.

Sir? Was something of her old life beginning to slip through? Jack had noticed Samantha would come out with what he was calling "Samisms" more and more frequently. Not like she had any full fledged memories, but phrases unique to Sam would occasionally crop up in their conversations. When he'd ask her about them, she'd shrug her shoulders and say she didn't know where it came from. Maybe there was hope for Sam's return after all.





*********





Sunday dawned bright and clear, but it was already promising to hot. Jack and Samantha both opted for loose shorts and tank tops. Even though they'd dressed separately, Samantha laughed when she saw him, claiming they looked like bookends.

They'd agreed to meet Daniel and Teal'c for breakfast, after picking up Cassie. Jack grinned at how excited Cassie was at the chance to see all her friends again. Janet had pulled Samantha aside, asking how her first night on her own had been. Samantha snuck a quick look at Jack, as if trying to decide to tell her the truth or not.

"Fine," she said. "No problems."

Cassandra chatted the entire drive to the restaurant. Jack tuned out the babbling girl, but Samantha seemed to be listening to every word. He smiled as he watched them. Sam was great with kids; it didn't surprise him Samantha had the same talent.

Pulling into the parking lot, Jack noticed Daniel's car was already there. He graciously opened the doors of his own car for the women.

"Milady," he bowed to Cassie, who giggled and blushed, but he could tell she loved the attention. Samantha's smile of approval left him feeling warm. Maybe all this "normal life" stuff wasn't so bad after all.

Jack pushed his sunglasses onto the top of his head as they entered the restaurant. Walking to the hostess stand, he asked for the whereabouts of his friends.

"Uh, ya. We're looking for two guys, big dark dude with a hat and a geeky looking guy, longish hair, glasses."

Cassandra jabbed him in the ribs as she and Samantha both chorused, "Jack!" Causing another round of giggles from both girls.

"Well, he is! I can't help it!"

The hostess smiled indulgently, pointing out the men in question. They were half-way across the dinning room when Jack heard the hostess trying to get his attention.

"Sir? Your wife dropped this," she said, handing Jack, Samantha's wallet.

He smiled at the short woman, thanking her as he accepted the leather case. *His wife,* he thought. It had a nice sound to it. He'd missed being part of a couple since Sara had left. It hadn't occurred to him, but he supposed Cassie, Samantha and himself could be seen as a family. It started him grinning.

"You dropped this, *Mrs. O'Neill,*" he said, handing Samantha her wallet. When all eyes turned to him he said, "the hostess thought she was my wife..." Samantha's cheeks suffused with color as he slid into the booth next to her. It was crowded with five of them in the semi-circular booth, so when Jack slid his arm onto the upholstery, practically around Samantha's shoulders, he was sure it appeared the move was necessary for them all to fit. As he picked up his menu, he missed Daniel's unabashed stare.





*********





Daniel knew he was staring, but he couldn't help it. The way Jack and Samantha looked at each other, they *could* have been married. Hell, with the heat passing between them, they *should* be married! They were even dressed alike! If he didn't miss Sha're so much, he might have found it "cute," if that term could ever be applied to Jack O'Neill. As it was, it merely served to remind him of what he was missing with Sha're's absence.

There was no doubt in Daniel's mind they were sleeping together. He thought he'd seen every look Jack was capable of making, but the sheer. . .joy on his face was a new one. It even made him look younger, Daniel thought bitterly. Samantha was no better. In fact, she was worse. "Glowing" didn't begin to describe how she looked. And she looked great. He couldn't believe she'd been a coma a few weeks ago.

Even though he'd had his suspicions about their feelings towards each other, he'd known they'd never crossed the boundaries into a physical relationship. Both of them were too conscious of the repercussions.

Jack's hand had almost imperceptibly slid off the back of the booth and was now resting on Samantha's shoulders, lightly caressing her. Was he even aware he was doing it?

"Danieljackson," Teal'c said quietly to the man on his left. "Why are you staring at O'Neill and Samanthacarter?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking," he lied. "I didn't realize I was staring."

"I believe you are not telling me the truth," Teal'c said, but pressed him no further.

Daniel tried to join in on the conversation flying about him. Cassandra was telling them about her dog, to which Jack added a few tales of his own. Samantha didn't have a lot to add, but she was doing a better job at participating in the chatter than he was. Even Teal'c was expressing himself more than he was.

"Daniel, is something wrong?" Samantha asked. "You're so quiet. That's usually my department."

Daniel's smile came out as more of a grimace at her attempt to draw him out.. "Just a few weeks old and you know that about me already, huh?"

Jack glared at him. He knew he'd hurt Samantha's feelings when all she was trying to do was make him feel more apart of the group. How ironic she'd be the one trying to include him.

"Sorry, Samantha. I didn't mean to be so rude. My arm's really bothering me today," he lied for the second time in an hour.

"Perhaps I should take you back to your apartment," Teal'c offered.

"No, really, it'll be fine. It's just a little crowded in here. I don't want to sit around inside anymore. Besides, I don't want to break up the party." Daniel knew Teal'c would insist on taking him home, depriving Cassie of what little time they all had together.

"Maybe we should get going," Jack suggested. "It is a little cramped in this booth."

*You didn't seem to mind being crushed next to Samantha a minute ago,* Daniel thought caustically. Maybe it *was* the dull ache in his arm that was responsible for him snapping at everyone. After all, Samantha and Jack were his friends. And he truly did what their happiness. He just wished their joy didn't have to hurt so much.







*********





Cassie, Samantha and Teal'c were swinging, of all things. Jack laughed so hard at the sight, he thought he'd ruptured something. Even Daniel seemed to have lightened up at the sight of the huge Jaffa squeezed into the seat of the swing, taking advice on how to increase his momentum from Cassie.

"Now there's a sight you don't see every day," Jack managed when he caught his breath.

"It might be a good thing, too," Daniel agreed. They continued to walk until they were out of ear-shot of the others. Jack absent-mindedly grabbed some strands of long grass as they passed an un-mowed area, twirling the stems between his fingers. Spying a picnic table, Jack headed towards it. Taking a seat on the table top, feet resting on the bench, Daniel joined him, wincing slightly as he leaned forward to sit down.

"Shoulder still bothering you, huh?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, but it is getting better. Janet wants me to start physical therapy next week."

"Been there, done that. Sorry, buddy."

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to more pain, but she seems confident I'll get most of my mobility back if I keep up with it."

Jack nodded, unconsciously rubbing his bad knee. There was a tense silence before Daniel asked,

"Jack, is there anything you feel like talking about?"

Jack shrugged, feigning ignorance. "Nope. Everything's peachy."

"That's what I'm talking about," Daniel said.

Jack looked down at the grass he was shredding in his fingers. It was another long moment before he spoke. "Danny, I think I'm in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?"

"The kind that comes on two legs," Jack sighed. There was another stretch of silence. "Daniel, I think I'm falling in love with her," he said, still unable to meet his gaze.

"You think this is news?" Daniel tried to joke. When Jack didn't respond, he put his hand on his shoulder. "So what's the problem? She seems to feel the same way."

"I know. That's the problem."

"Jack, I'm a little confused here. Usually when two people are attracted to each other it's considered a good thing."

Jack smiled ruefully. "Yeah, usually. Daniel, you know about the regulations. Samantha doesn't. I mean she knows--we've talked about it--but I don't think she really understands what an impossible situation this is."

"No, Jack, this is an obstacle, an inconvenience. What's impossible is your wife being kidnapped and turned into a Goa'uld host. And not just any host, but Apophis' queen."

Jack looked up at the venom in Daniel's voice. Now the attitude and acid looks made sense. How could he have been so intensive? He'd been so wrapped up in his feelings for Samantha, he never stopped to think what a painful reminder they were of Daniel's own loss.

"Daniel, I. . . "

"No, Jack, I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't be venting my frustrations on you and Samantha. I take it you haven't told her?"

"Not in so many words."

"In any words?"

"Uh, no," Jack said.

"Don't you think you should?"

"And don't *you* think it's a little early in the game for that?"

"Jack, if I've learned one thing from losing Sha're, it's that each moment I had with her was precious, a gift. If I'd known it was to be so short lived, I don't think I could have told her often enough I loved her."

Jack drew in a breath and exhaled. "You're right. I should tell her."

"Jack? I have to ask you something. Who is it you're in love with?"

Jack did a double-take. "You get conked on the head, too? Who the hell you think we've been talking about? Samantha!"

"That's my point. Is it Sam, or Samantha? If it's Samantha, what happens if Sam's memories come back? Are you falling in love with Samantha because she reminds you of Sam, or because she is her?"

Jack looked back at his hands. "I think know what you're asking. Kind of like if I had to choose between Samantha and Sam, which would I choose, right?"

"Exactly."

"I don't know I *could* choose. Daniel, I know it seems like she's not the 'old Sam,' but she is. She doesn't know astrophysics or remember the Air Force, but most of the other stuff is still there. It's like Sam without the walls, without the pain and guilt that hold us back from telling people how we really feel. From experiencing life. I know it's cliché, but it *is* like she's a child in the respect she doesn't have the baggage the rest of us have by this age."

"But isn't that 'baggage,' as you put it, part of who Sam is? Or being an astrophysicist or a Captain? How can you claim she hasn't changed?"

"I never said she hasn't changed. But at the core, she's still *Sam.* She doesn't miss being a scientist and a soldier when she can't remember having been one."

"Jack, I'm not trying to be the bad guy here, I'm just trying to get you to see this in a realistic light."

"I know, but I don't know how to make you understand, I don't separate the two. I know she'd rather be called 'Samantha' now, but I feel that if I'd ever gotten to this point with Sam, we'd *be* this comfortable with each other."

"Do you think you would have gotten to this point? Oh, maybe eventually you guys would finally admit you've had feelings for the other for ages, but I think it would have been a while down the road. And I don't think either of you would have acted on it if you were both still in the military. You would have 'loved her from afar' as you always have. As she always has."

"So what is the point you're trying to make?" Jack asked.

"What's going to happen if her memories come back? Are you just going to forget this ever happened? It was fun while it lasted? I don't think you're capable of that. I don't think Sam would be either."

"So what do you want me to do, Daniel?" Jack's voice cracked with rare emotion. "Nip this in the bud, as it were? Tell her to go home and forget about me, and hope to God I can forget about her? I can't do that! Five minutes ago you were telling me I should tell her I love her, and now you're telling me I should break her heart?"

"No, that's not what I want. I just wanted to make sure you've thought of all the angles. I don't want either of you getting hurt by the possibility this is just a fling."

"This isn't a fling," Jack said, his voice hard. "If that's all either of us wanted, it would have happened by now."

"At least you're finally admitting it," Daniel smiled at him.

"Well, they say once you admit it, you're on the way to recovery. Think there's a ten-step program for Carter?" he teased back.

"Let's hope you don't have to find out."





*********





Samantha left Cassie and Teal'c near the merry-go-round as she headed towards Jack and Daniel. Cassie had asked some surprisingly personal questions, but she could see where the girl had gotten her ideas. Jack calling her "Mrs. O'Neill" had undoubtedly gotten the girl's mind going into overdrive.

The two men were seated on a picnic table, so deep in conversation they didn't see her crossing the manicured grounds, heading in their direction.

"Let's hope you don't have to find out what?" she asked, coming up on the tail end of their conversation.

"Uh, what your wrath is like when you realize Jack forgot to pick up something for lunch," Daniel said, casting a glance at the man next to him.

"You can't be serious," Samantha said. "After that huge breakfast, how can you possibly be thinking about lunch?"

"We, uh, just meant for later," Daniel fumbled. For such a smart guy, he didn't come up with very plausible excuses, she thought. Samantha just shook her head. Obviously what they were talking about was private, so she decided to let it drop. Daniel fidgeted for a few moments before announcing he was going to join Cassie and Teal'c. As he left, she saw Daniel mouth the words "tell her," but she pretended not to have seen the look passing between them.

Samantha felt a growing tension in the pit of her stomach. Jack was going to tell her things weren't working out. That maybe it would be better if she moved back to her place and they spent some time apart. She couldn't say she blamed him. They'd been together practically constantly since she woke up in the infirmary. She decided she'd make it easier for him and offer to go.

"You know, Jack. The more I think about it, maybe it would be a good idea if I moved back to my apartment."

Jack's eyes looked pained, as if she'd physically wounded him. The jovial mood he'd been in all day evaporated.

"I see," he swallowed. "I thought we'd settled this all earlier. Samantha, you do what you think is best, but you gotta know this isn't what I want."

Samantha was shocked by his candor. She hadn't known him long, but instinctually, she felt he wasn't the type of man who was this open with his feelings. Okay, it wasn't a declaration of undying love, but for Jack, the sentence spoke volumes, leaving her wondering if she'd misunderstood Daniel's parting advice.

"It's not what I want either. It's just that everything's happened so fast, I have a hard time believing it's real, and not just our hormones having a holiday."

He smiled at her quip, reaching out to caress her cheek. "Samantha, I know it seems fast to you, but this has been going on for years with me. It's like we've had two years of foreplay."

Now it was Samantha's turn to smile. "I'm glad I could finally put you out of your misery." More seriously, she added, "Jack, I don't remember how I delt with my feelings for you prior to the accident, but I'm assuming I felt I was in the same state of perpetual foreplay. I've told you how I've always felt this 'connection' to you, for lack of a better word. I have to believe it was because I had such strong feelings for you before."

Neither one had actually said the "L" word, but she felt it was understood. If this was as close as he got to a confession, it was fine by her. She didn't feel anymore comfortable saying the word than he did. Hopefully in time, it would feel right.

"Wanna take a walk?" he asked.

"Yeah, I do. Maybe someplace a little more secluded?" she smiled, taking his offered hand. Their fingers twined together, their palms making contact. In a way it was almost more intimate than a kiss.

As they strolled the asphalt pathway, Jack became quiet. "What is it?" she asked.

"Daniel knows about us."

"Did you say something to him?"

"No, I guess we're just blatantly obvious," he grinned at her. "Wonder where he got that from," he said, squeezing her hand.

"Well, Cassie didn't seem to miss much either," she said. "She asked me if you were my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend!" Jack laughed. "Is it possible to still be a 'boyfriend' at forty-. . .ish?"

"Fortyish? Jack, you're not modest about your age, are you?"

"Let's just say I don't need any reminders, okay?"

"Sure. How old am I?" she asked, surprised she hadn't thought to ask before.

"Your age is an even bigger secret than mine," he teased.

"Oh, come on! Am I really that insecure? Let's see, you said I had a Ph.D., and I'm a Captain, I worked at the Pentagon for awhile. I have to be thirty-something."

"You want me to look it up in the records?" he offered.

"Let's just settle for thirtyish, okay?"

"Deal. So, what did you tell her?"

"Tell who?"

"Cassie, when she asked if I was your boyfriend?"

"I said, 'maybe. If he's lucky!'"

"Why you little. . . ." Samantha didn't hear the end of his sentence as she took off from him at a dead run, laughing as she attempted to dodge his grabbing arms. She slipped through his hands once, only to be caught seconds later. Truth be told, she wasn't trying all that hard to escape him.

Jack pinned her to the ground, digging fingers into her ribs as she tried freeing herself to catch a breath. Suddenly, from no where, a thought came to her, a move that would use Jack's body weight against him, allowing her to flip him over. It happened so quickly, Samantha wasn't sure she'd actually committed the maneuver. She almost thought it was Jack who'd shifted their positions. But from the look of utter surprise on his face, she knew she was the one who'd flipped him.

"How did you know how to do that?" he asked, so shocked, he stopped fighting.

"I don't know. It just came to me, I guess."

"Samantha, you have extensive training in hand-to-hand combat."

"I do? You mean I might have remembered it?"

"Unless you've been taking martial arts classes when I haven't been looking."

Samantha was sitting astride him, holding his hands above his head, wrists pinned to the ground. "Well, whatever it is, I've finally got you where I want you." She leaned forward kissing him. Another flash crossed her mind *. . .not like this. . .* Samantha sat up, rubbing her forehead where the headache suddenly sprang into life.

"Samantha? Are you okay?" Jack asked, sitting up himself, holding her on his lap.

"There's something about this that seems familiar," she said as the pain began to dissipate. "Like I 'attacked' you like this before. Acting aggressive or something. I can't really describe it."

Jack's face confirmed her suspicions, but he didn't tell her how or when it had happened.

"I did, didn't I?"

"Samantha, I can't talk about it. It's all part of the classified stuff I told you about."

She sighed. "How the hell am I supposed to know what really happened and what I'm making up when no one can talk about what I did?"

"I agree, but General Hammond. . ."

"General Hammond thinks I'm a security risk," she finished for him. "The only people I ever talk to are you, Janet, Cassie, Daniel and Teal'c. You're all in on this big secret, so why can't I be?"

"I agree, and I've tried to get him to change his mind. Believe me. But Samantha, look how many things you're starting to remember! It's just a matter of time."

Samantha looked at his hopeful face. "Jack, I have to admire your optimism, but let's face it. If I was going to remember the big, important things, I would have by now. We all have realize this is who I'm going to be." Jack nodded, pulling her close.

"Is who I am now going to be enough for you?" she asked hesitantly.

Jack placed his hands on either side of her face, drawing her into a long, deep kiss. "Any part of you is enough for me," he answered her sincerely.

Samantha wrapped her arms around him, burring her face in the crook of his neck, kissing the slightly salty skin there.

"So, does this mean I'm your boyfriend," he whispered into her hair, kissing her ear.

Samantha pulled back, smiling as she wiped a stray tear from under her eye. "Maybe, if you're lucky."





*********





Jack climbed behind the wheel of his car, actually looking forward to going home. When was the last time he was truly excited to be heading there? Before Charlie's death, certainly. After the accident, it became increasingly difficult to make the drive from the base to his house. At first he'd stall, claiming General West had held him up. Then he started to stop for a beer. One became two, and two became more until it was well after dark when he'd arrive home.

Sara pretended not to notice. She had her own ways of trying to forget. Forget her son was dead and her husband was fast becoming an alcoholic. He'd almost wished she'd had an affair. At least she would have had someone to turn to. Someone to hold her as she cried.

And then Sara was gone. The house might be empty, but the 'fridge was full--of beer. There was never any reason to hurry home from the base. But now things were different. Now Samantha was waiting for him.

General Hammond had called him back to work the day following their outing in the park with Cassie. It had been such a wonderful day, he didn't even argue when Hammond called an end to his leave. Since SG-1 was minus two duty-ready members, he was called back mostly to help with the clerical end of running the SGC. It wasn't something he looked forward to, but then there was the promise of "regular hours." He'd go into the base, work his shift and be home by six. Just like a regular guy.

He'd never had what could be termed a "normal" existence, and he couldn't say he'd actually wished for it. That is until he got into the habit of going off to work in the morning, kissing Samantha good-bye, and returning in the evening to an even more ardent kiss, usually dinner and an evening spent in her company.

Even when he'd been married to Sara things had never been "normal." He was a young officer, coming up through the ranks, and as such, he worked what hours he was given. Then, of course, there was Desert Storm, which completely eradicated any sense of normalcy from his life.

Now Jack was returning from his first mission since Daniel and Sam had been hurt. Teal'c had joined him, along with a couple of other soldiers who were temporarily without a team. Fortunately, it was a quiet reconn. With half his team basically unknown to him, Jack didn't want to find out the hard way how they reacted in a combat situation.

Half the time he thought how he missed Sam and Daniel on this mission, and the other half he just plain missed Sam. He'd been vague about where he was going and what he'd be doing, and to her credit, Samantha didn't ask questions he couldn't answer. Once back on the base, he'd had an overwhelming urge to call her, tell her he was back, but decided he'd rather surprise her instead.

Jack pulled up to the exit gate, waiting to be checked out. He was impatiently drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as the guard tried to expedite the process.

"Hot date tonight, sir?" he smiled, handing Jack a clipboard.

"Something like that," he grinned, quickly signing the exit form.

"Good luck," the guard said, barely managing to retrieve the clipboard before the colonel raced out of the parking lot.

When had it gotten to be that everything was about Samantha? He couldn't wait to return home, because she was there. He missed her terribly when he was at work, her absence even more pronounced when he'd stop by her former lab. He usually wasn't this sentimental. As a soldier, he couldn't afford to be, and yet, he found himself equating everything in terms of Samantha: what would she think of this project? How would she handle this situation? Would she laugh at his lame bitching over reports and requisitions? And most of all, had she missed him as much as he had her while he'd been gone?

Jack pulled into the driveway, turning off the ignition. Maybe he should have given her some warning, he thought. He wasn't due back until tomorrow, but he'd called an early end to the mission. He tried to believe the excuse he'd given Hammond about there being nothing to investigate on PB8-279. Truth was, he thought it was pointless to remain on a planet where nothing was happening when he could be with Samantha.

Unlocking his door, Jack called out for her. "Samantha? It's just me!" he shouted over the stereo, but she must not have heard him. Jack walked into the kitchen, watching her dance, singing at the top of her voice to some song on the radio as she stirred a pot.

"Samantha!" He called again, this time he was shouting.

Samantha jumped at the sound of his voice, whipping around with a look that went from astonished to embarrassed in a matter of seconds. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be home until tomorrow!"

"Well, thanks for that warm welcome! I'm glad I cut my mission short for this!" he teased, knowing he'd shocked her. It was only a moment before Samantha launched herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, kissing him.

"God, I missed you! Why didn't you call?"

"So I could surprise you."

"You did that!" the next minute she was slapping his arm. "You weren't supposed to see me singing and dancing around the kitchen!"

"It was cute," he said, kissing her back, trying to let her down. Samantha wouldn't have it. She wrapped her legs all the tighter around him, pulling him into a fierce hug.

"I'm so glad to see you, I don't even care! How can three days feel like three weeks?"

"I know," he said, resting his forehead on hers. "All I could think about was you. Good thing we didn't run into any trouble, or we'd have been goners."

"During training exercises?"

"Casualties on paper, you know."

"Jack, you're not lying to me about what you were doing, are you?" she asked, pulling back to look in his eyes.

"Samantha, I promise you, most of the mission involved drills to acquaint us with each other." It *was* true, he just didn't tell her it happened to be on a planet half-way across the galaxy.

"I'm so glad you're back," she said, kissing him slowly, but deeply. "I suppose you're going to be gone a lot more now, aren't you,?" she asked between alternately kissing his mouth and trailing her lips down his neck.

Jack groaned. "Yeah, probably."

"Then we shouldn't waste this opportunity, should we?" Samantha smiled at him before he captured her lips with his own. God she tasted good!

"Spaghetti," he said when they broke for air.

"What?"

"Spaghetti. It's what you're making right?" he said, dipping his head to kiss her again. "Too much basil," he teased, carrying her over to the stove, turning off burners, his mouth still locked on hers.

"And you know when something's too spicy just from kissing me?"

"I was hoping you could show me something spicy," he said, continuing to carry her through the living room, turning the sound down on the stereo as he passed it.

"Sure you don't want to leave the volume up?" she asked, moving his shirt aside to lightly bite his shoulder. "So the neighbors don't hear you screaming?"

"I've never screamed!" Jack cried, indignant.

"We'll see about that."





*********





*I can't believe Jack's sending me on this fool's errand,* Samantha thought angrily to herself as she climbed into his car, starting the engine with an extra roar. "I mean, I suppose I can't blame him for not remembering, but he saw I had dinner cooked. Did he have to have a *particular* brand of beer? What's wrong with the stockpile he's got?" She groused aloud. "And if *he* wants it so damn bad, why isn't *he* getting it himself?"

Samantha slammed the car into gear, pulling out of the driveway. It was her own fault for not saying "no." But when Jack looked at her with those puppy dog eyes and promised he'd "make it worth her while," she found herself holding her hand out for his keys.

The part that bugged her the most, was he didn't remember what day it was. Okay, so a one month anniversary was probably nothing to write home about, but hadn't it even crossed his mind? He seemed more complacent towards her tonight than he'd been since she started sleeping with him. The special dinner (no doubt ruined by now), candles and wine didn't clue him in? He probably just thought she had nothing better to do with her time. Ha!

"Calm down, Samantha. It's not like you reminded him and he just said 'huh,' like it meant nothing. Guys just don't remember stuff like anniversaries." Especially short-term ones, she thought.

Pulling into the liquor store Jack recommended, Samantha was even more miffed when the store was temporarily out of stock. The clerk suggested another store. All the way across town.

"Well," Samantha said, still talking to herself, "guess I might as well try and find it. If I come home without his precious beer, he'll probably just send me out again."

She sped out of the parking lot, narrowly missing a car making a left-hand turn. "He just better make this *damn* worth my while," Samantha fumed.





*********





Jack opened the door to Daniel's smiling, and Teal'c's stoic faces. "It's about time! Who knows how long she's going to be gone!"

"Jack, will you relax? Teal'c and I have things under control!"

"Not if Samantha comes back and finds you guys here!" he cried, ushering his friends into the house.

"How did you get rid of her, anyway?" Daniel asked.

"I sent her out for beer."

"Oh, that's original! You've only got enough stored in your basement to last through the next millennium!"

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" Jack said. "You get everything?"

"It is in the car," Teal'c said. "I shall need your assistance."

"I hope there aren't any funerals going on today, 'cause I think we bought every flower in Colorado Springs," Daniel added, following them to his car. "If this is what you do for a one month anniversary, what's going to happen at a year?"

"I just hope we get to a year," Jack said.

"You guys aren't having problems, are you?" Daniel asked. "I mean is that the reason for the big show?"

"No! Things couldn't be better! I guess I just don't want to jinx it by thinking too far ahead."

"Yeah, I can relate to that," Daniel said, sadly.

Jack opened the car's back door. "Geeze, Daniel, how did you keep your allergies from killing you with all these flowers?"

"I took a bottle of anti-histamines," he said, before he caught a sneeze. "Apparently they're wearing off."

"Teal'c carry these in for me, will you?" Jack said. "I don't need Daniel dying on me when this is supposed to be a romantic evening."

"Samantha have any clue?" Daniel asked, sniffling.

"Not a one. She probably thinks I'm the most callous bastard that ever walked the Earth."

"Well, it's good to see her judgment hasn't been affected," Daniel teased.

Jack gave him a warning glance before shoving a bottle of champagne and a silver bucket into Daniel's good arm. "Think you can handle that, funny guy?"

"Got it covered," he smiled at Jack.

"What?" he asked, noting Daniel's smirk.

"Nothing. It's just. . .nothing."

"What?" Jack asked again, his tone getting sharper.

"I've just never seen you like this, that's all."

"What, is it a crime to want to make Samantha happy?"

"No, but it's a little hard to reconcile that you're the same guy who's so. . . .military on a mission."

"Just because I'm not all warm and fuzzy when we're off-world doesn't mean I can't be," Jack said, defensively.

"I'm just saying. . . ."

"Yeah, I know. It doesn't exactly fit the profile, right? Daniel, don't you think I've second-guessed myself to death about this? Just to know she's gonna light up when she sees this is enough for me to make an utter fool of myself."

"You're not making a fool of yourself," Daniel reassured him. "I just wouldn't start talking about candles and flowers next time you're in the showers."

Jack smiled at him, lightly slapping Daniel's face. "And if you ever tell, I've got ways even the ancient Egyptian's never thought of to torture you!"

Teal'c stepped out of the house. "I believe all is in readiness for Samanthacarter."

"What, you arranged the flowers?" Jack asked skeptically.

"I did."

Jack and Daniel followed Teal'c into the house. There was a path of blossoms leading from the front door to the bed room, where Teal'c had several varieties of flowers arranged in vases about the room.

"Wow," was all Daniel could say.

"Yeah," Jack added. "If the team ever breaks up, you'll have a great career as a florist."

"We choose several type of flowers as we did not know what Samanthacarter's favorite was," Teal'c said.

Jack was still stunned by the transformation of his bedroom. "Teal'c don't take this the wrong way, but how does a Jaffa, a First Prime at that, know how to do. . . .this? I mean, I don't see flower arranging as a big Jaffa pastime."

"My wife, Drey'auc loves flowers," was all he said. Teal'c rarely spoke of his wife, but when he did, Jack could see the pain in his eyes, regardless of the hard set to his facial features. He didn't know what he'd do if he was placed in Teal'c's situation: separated from his family by his convictions to fight the Goa'uld. He couldn't imagine leaving Samantha to live on an alien world. Teal'c had a stronger sense of duty than any man he'd ever met. In the military or out. A man who truly understood what "honor" meant.

"Thanks guys, I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me. . .for us."

"Piece of cake, Jack. I'm sure you'd do the same for us. Let us know what she says, okay?"

"Just so long as you guys get out of here before she gets back!" Jack said, pushing them towards the door. "Oh, and one more thing. Either of you calls me tonight, you're dead!"

He hustled them out before they could say anything else, grateful Samantha was still on her quest. Now all he had to do was calm down, and everything would be fine.





*********





Jack watched through the curtains as Samantha neared the house. Oh, she did *not* look happy!

He quickly dove for the sofa, picking up a magazine, playing at nonchalance, as the door opened, then closed with a slam.

Samantha held out the imported brew he'd requested. "Here's your beer. Can we eat now? Or is dinner ruined?"

Jack didn't look up from his magazine, shrugging his shoulders. "I guess."

Samantha looked down, noticing something littering the carpet in the semi-dark room. "Damn it, Jack! I spent all day cleaning and you're not home five minutes and there's garbage all over!"

Jack put down the magazine. "Look again," he requested.

Samantha took a closer look as he turned up the lights. "Flowers? What are. .. . "

"Follow the yellow brick road!" he said, standing and taking the beer from her hands.

Samantha gave him a strange look, but followed the petals down the hallway to the bedroom. Opening the door, she gasped. "You remembered?"

"It was kind of an important day," he said, coming up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. Samantha's arms gripped his, hugging him closer.

"But how? I mean I wasn't gone all that long and. . .Jack! That damn beer was just to get me out of the house! I was so mad at you!" she said, lightly punching his arm.

"Am I forgiven?"

"After this? I think I could forgive you anything," she said, turning to face him. "Who'd have thought the tough Colonel could have such a romantic side."

"Just don't tell anyone!" Jack held her close, tucking her head under his chin. He felt something wet on his chest and pulled back to see her crying.

"Hey! What's with the tears? This was supposed to make you happy!"

"I am happy," she said, wiping the drops from her eyes. "I just can't believe you went to all this trouble for me."

"Dry those eyes," he said, taking some of the moisture from her face with his thumb. "It wasn't any trouble. Now, if you ask Danny and Teal'c, you might get a different answer."

"They were in on this too? You guys. . . ."

"We care about you, Samantha. They volunteered, actually. Well, after I told them I needed some help!"

"I just don't know what to say. You continually surprise me, Jack."

"Glad I keep you on your toes," he said, pulling her close once more, kissing her hair. God, she smelled good. He could tell she'd prepared things for him as well. The immaculate house, the perfume that drove him mad when ever he caught a whiff of it. The smell of dinner cooking. . . . Shit! Dinner! Samantha had obviously gone to a lot of trouble, but in his haste to have her gone, he forgot to give her time to surprise him with it.

"Samantha, about you're dinner. . . . I'm sorry, I guess I was so wrapped up in my plans I didn't think you'd have some as well."

"It's okay. You're forgiven for that as well," she said, tilting her head back to kiss him.

"Think it's still edible?"

"Maybe. Don't you want to take advantage of this beautiful room?" she asked, starting to unbutton his shirt.

"Oh, I plan on making *very* good use of it, but let's go slow. Let's have your dinner and see where we end up," he said with a knowing smile. "Besides, didn't I tell you I'd make that beer run worth your while?"





*********





Samantha lay across Jack's chest, idly playing with the sparse hair under her fingers. "Any time you need more beer, you just let me know," she smiled, feeling her eyes start to close.

It had been a magical evening all the way around. Once she'd returned home, that is. She still couldn't believe he'd gone to all this trouble for a one month anniversary. It dwarfed her own plans for the night. God, she loved him! So how come she'd never said the words? Physically, she certainly expressed how much she cared for him. Was it that much of a stretch to say the words?

Of course, Jack wasn't any better. He told her in so many ways how he loved her other than actually telling her. She could hardly fault him for that when she'd done the same thing. It didn't bother her, really, but it *would* complete the evening if he said those three little words.

Jack was trailing his hand slowly, up and down her spine, apparently with no real intention or destination in mind. It felt good just to be in his arms, nestled close to him.

"Samantha," he said, "there's something I've been meaning to tell you for sometime, but the moment just never seemed right."

Samantha shifted, propping herself up on her elbows so she could see his face. He wore such a serious expression, she felt a knot start to form in the pit of her stomach.

"Daniel's been telling me for weeks I should just say it, but the timing was never right."

*Oh my, God!* she thought. *He's actually going to say it!* Samantha interrupted him before he could finish his confession.

"I've wanted to tell you too! But you're right, the timing was just never there! But you've made this such a special night. Jack, I love you."

At first he looked a little shocked she'd said the words before him, but then he got a gleam in his eye. The one that told her he was about to give her some smart ass comment.

"Actually, all I wanted to say, was I don't mind if you use my razor."

Samantha whacked her hand down on his chest, knowing he was teasing her.

"Okay, you're right. But you beat me to the punch! How do I follow up on that without sounding corny?"

"Why don't you try it. I'll let you know if you sound trite."

Jack sat up further in the bed, rolling Samantha over so she was cradled in his arms. "I don't know how I got so lucky," he started. "I mean, what the heck are you doing with a grizzled old soldier like me anyway?"

She was about to speak, but Jack placed his fingers on her lips. "You better let me finish this or you may never hear it again," he smiled tenderly at her. "Samantha, you've told me from the time you woke up you've felt this 'bond' with me. What I never told you was I feel the same way about you. The day we butted heads when we first met should have been a clue there was some unexplainable 'link' with us. I guess I'm a little slow on the up-take," he grinned at her. "What I'm trying to say in my usual, awkward way is, I love you, Samantha."

She was speechless. Was there no limit to the depths this man could move her? Samantha reached up, sliding her hand along Jack's neck, pulling his head towards hers. She kissed him, gently. It wasn't arousingly passionate, but it was full of promise.

Jack gathered her into his arms, hugging tight. "I love you so much," was all his constricted throat seemed to manage.

Samantha returned his hug, just as fiercely. "I don't care anymore that I can't remember my past. I feel as if I've known you forever and I've been reborn, like this is another life."

Jack stiffened in her arms. "What did you say?"

"I said I feel like this is a new life. Jack? What's wrong?"

"I've got to call Daniel!"

"Excuse me? We're in the middle of a 'moment' here and you have to call Daniel? I mean I know you guys are close, but. . . ."

He silenced her with a quick kiss, pushing her away so he could exit the bed. He picked up the phone, dialing the numbers almost frantically.

Samantha stared at him open mouthed. Jack had a lot of quirks, but this one had to beat all.

Jack stood by the phone, naked, tapping his foot impatiently. "Come on, Daniel! Pick it up!"





*********





"Hello?"

"Daniel! Great! You are home!"

"Jack? Didn't you warn me, under penalty of death, I shouldn't call you? Doesn't that go both ways?"

"How fast can you and Teal'c get over here?"

"Jack?"

"You heard me! How fast?"

"Jack, it's two in the morning!"

"Yeah, 0200 military time, what's your point?" Jack could tell Daniel was confused, but he was getting tired of him stating the obvious when there were plans to be made!

"Look, I don't know what kind of kinky stuff you and Samantha are into now, but I don't think. . ."

"Daniel! For cryin' out loud! What kind of a pervert do you think I am? Wait! Don't answer that! Look, Samantha said something tonight that got me thinking, but I don't want to discuss it over the phone. So, would you guys please come over here?"

"Does Samantha know what's going on?" Daniel asked.

"I'll explain it to her when I hang up. Are you coming?"

Jack heard Daniel sigh on the other end of the line. "Yeah, we'll be there. Give us about a half an hour."

"Okay. Thanks, buddy."

Jack turned around to see Samantha lying back, reclining on her elbows in the rumpled bed. She was modestly covered with a sheet he promptly whipped off.

"Come on! You have to get dressed! Teal'c and Daniel will be here in about a half an hour."

"I gather that," she said dryly, trying to grab the sheet back from him. "What is this all about? I mean, any other time we've made love you haven't seen the need to jump out of bed and call Daniel."

Jack walked around the room, blowing out candles. "I just got a crazy idea from what you said, and I want to talk it over with them."

"What did I say?" Samantha asked, thoroughly confused.

"The bit about this being a new life. About being reborn." He turned his attention back to her, pulling her up, giving her a quick kiss and a swat on her bottom. "Hurry up! They'll be here soon!"

Samantha stopped dead in her tracks, crossing her arms over her exposed chest. "Jack, I refuse to move until you tell me what this is all about!"

"Fine, I don't care if you greet them naked. On second thought, yes, I do. Samantha will you *please* get dressed? I promise if this turns out the way I think it will, I'll be able to tell you everything."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then you'll have something to torture me with for months to come."

Samantha threw up her arms in resignation. "Okay, I guess I should know by now it doesn't do any good to argue with you. But you better have a *damn* good reason for cutting this night short."

"Trust me, if this works out, it'll be a whole new phase to our relationship."

Jack quickly dressed in a pair of old jeans and a T-shirt. This wasn't exactly how he'd planned to spend the latter part of his evening, especially after barring his soul to Samantha. But her words, about this being a new life struck a chord within him and he couldn't ignore the totally crazy thoughts that had raced through his brain. It was so crazy, it might actually work.

A firm knock on the door brought Jack out of his reverie. He was about to answer the door, but Samantha beat him to it. He heard the conversation as he left his bedroom.

"Uh, hi, Samantha. I'm sorry about all this. I know this was supposed to be a romantic evening for you two and. . ."

"Daniel, it's okay. Really. I just wish I knew what this was about."

"He didn't tell you either?"

"He just said hopefully after he talked to you he'd be able to tell me everything. Whatever that means."

Jack stepped into the living room. "Hey, Daniel, Teal'c! Thanks for coming over."

Three pairs of eyes focused on him, waiting for an explanation for their middle-of-the-night conference. Jack walked over to Samantha, cupping her face and giving her a light kiss.

"Samantha, I'm sorry to ask you this, but could you give us a minute? I need to talk to them alone first."

Jack looked into her eyes and saw confusion, but she slowly nodded. "Okay, Jack. God knows why, but I trust you."

Jack still caressed her face, his thumb gently moving across her cheek as she attempted a smile. "I'll wait in the bedroom."

Once he heard the door shut, Jack launched into his plan.





*********





It was crazy. It was nuts. He might just be onto something. It just might work. All these thoughts raced through Daniel's mind as Jack outlined his plan to help Samantha regain her memories.

"Daniel, on the planet you and Sam were hurt on, didn't you tell me they believed in reincarnation?"

"Yeah, but it's a major part of many religions, in fact. . ."

"Yeah, I got ya. And didn't you also say they've got some kind of 'ceremony' for awakening memories of their past lives?"

"Yes, oddly enough it's called 'The Awakening.' But I don't see how this has anything to do with Sam's memories. She didn't die."

"But she said to me tonight that she felt like she'd been reborn. That this was a new life. That's what got me thinking about the Arrissans."

"Well, it was figurative. Especially in Sam's case since she didn't die."

"Okay, I get that part," Jack said. "But what if this 'awakening' could be used on her to access the memories she's lost? I'm sure it's all in there somewhere. There's too much of 'Sam' in Samantha for her to have totally lost who she was. It's like it's behind a locked door or something."

"You might have a point," Daniel said sitting on the edge of Jack's sofa. "I'm not sure what the ceremony entails, we really didn't cover specifics in the short time I had to talk with their leader." Daniel knew Jack didn't miss his insinuation that if he'd had more time with Ishandar, he might have gotten more information. But then the Goa'uld still would have attacked, breaking up their little metaphysical chat.

"However they do it, do you think it's possible they could try it on Samantha?"

Daniel raked a hand through his long hair. "I suppose, theoretically, it's possible. But we don't know physically how different the Arrissan's are from us. I mean, they look like us, but their brains might be wired completely differently. Attempting this might do more harm than good."

"I expected there to be some risk involved, but I think it's worth it."

"Should it not be Samanthacarter's decision?" Teal'c asked from the chair he now occupied. Both men turned to look at him. Sometimes he was so quiet, it was hard to remember he was in the room.

"Okay," Daniel said, "Supposing this could work, how do we get her to Arrissa? General Hammond has not only revoked Sam's security clearance, he's put a lock-down on Arrissa because of our being attacked there."

"We treat it like a covert operation, which, in essence, it is."

"Let me get this straight, you're willing to 'break into' the SGC, initiate an unauthorized mission to Arrissa, risk your career and your life--not to mention ours--just on a hunch? A theory?"

"You left out that I'll have to tell Samantha about the Stargate program in order to get her there. That's gotta break a couple a hundred regs alone."

"And what if Ishandar isn't there? She could have been killed in the Goa'uld attack after we left! Or 'gated to another planet! Or a later attack!"

"Then we'll find someone who *can* help her," Jack said with determination. "Daniel, I have to try this! It's not that I'm not happy with Samantha, but she's only half the woman Sam was, half the woman she could be. I owe it to her to try to restore her memories."

"And what if Sam's conscience comes back with her? What if all the reasons that kept you apart before are back again once she remembers her commitment to the military?"

"I'll deal with that when, and if it happens. Look, guys, I know I'm asking a lot here. I'm going to try this with or without your help. It's only a request, by no means an order."

"I shall accompany you," Teal'c said.

Daniel sighed. "If Ishandar's gone, I guess you're going to need someone to help you find another person who might be able to perform the ceremony."

"You sure you're up to it?" Jack asked, motioning towards his arm. He was doing better with the therapy, but he knew he wasn't in top form. There's no way Janet would have cleared him for 'gate travel.

"No, but what have I got to lose, other than my best friends? If you go down, Jack, we all go down."

Jack cleared his throat, seemingly struggling with his emotions. "Uh, thanks, guys. Let's tell Samantha."





*********





Jack wondered: how do you explain something like the Stargate to someone who's already questioning your sanity? How did he make it sound plausible, and not the premise for a science fiction television show? He'd removed all the evidence from his home about what he did on Cheyenne Mountain, so all he had to convince Samantha he was telling her the truth was the support of his friends, who she knew would lie through their teeth for him if he asked them too.

Jack knocked on his bedroom door. "Samantha?" He opened it slowly to see her lying on the re-made bed, staring at the ceiling. She sat up as he approached her.

"Well, can you tell me what's going on now? Or is there going to be more secrecy?"

"I'd. . .we'd like you to join us. I promise, no more secrets about anything. What you did on the base, what I've been talking to Danny and Teal'c about. Everything."

Samantha looked at him with surprise, as if she'd expected more of the same run-around he'd been offering her lately. She followed him into the living room where Daniel and Teal'c were seated.

"Hi guys. Hey! How about a beer? We just got some great imported stuff," she said, casting a glance at Jack. "It was a little difficult to find, but the drive was nice."

Daniel looked uncomfortable with Samantha's jibe about her "errand," but motioned to the seat next to him on the couch.

She looked from one man to the next. "What's up? Why do you guys look so serious? I was just kidding about the beer thing."

"Samantha, what we're going to tell you has to stay in this room, regardless of what you decide. Jack--all of us, actually--could get in some really big trouble if this gets out," Daniel said.

"What's the big deal, you guys hiding aliens on the base? Like Area 51 stuff or something?"

"Area 52, actually," Jack said. "And it's bigger than any rumors of 'little green men.'"

"It's more like a whole lot of 'green men,'" Daniel added.

"Okay, you guys are confusing me here. Just tell me what this is about!"

Jack paced the floor, wondering where to begin. "Does the word 'Stargate' or the term 'SGC' mean anything to you?"

"Yeah, Janet asked me about that the day I woke up, but I don't know what it means."

"Cheyenne Mountain houses an artifact found in Egypt, in 1928 that was buried since ancient times. It's a two-story ring with hieroglyphs etched into an inner ring that moves independently of the outer rim. In 1994, Daniel was called in to help decipher the glyphs, to try to ascertain what the relic actually was. He's the one who discovered it was called a 'Stargate' but until he'd broke the code of the language, no one had any real idea what it was."

Daniel picked up the next thread of the narrative. "We had a theory, from the writing, that it was a portal of some kind, but to where, we didn't know. It turns out the 'gate creates a stable wormhole allowing trans-galactic travel." He paused for a moment, giving Samantha time to absorb the information she'd just been given.

"Let me get this straight. Somewhere on the base there's this big ring that creates a 'wormhole' so you can travel to other planets? You're kidding, right?" She looked at Jack for confirmation. This was going to be hard for her to believe. After all, it was inconceivable something like this existed, let alone that it remained a secret.

"Okay," she said holding up one hand, rubbing her forehead with another. "Let's assume for the minute you're telling me the truth. What do you guys have to do with this. . . ."

"Stargate," Jack supplied.

"Okay, Stargate."

"SGC stands for Stargate Command," Jack told her. "I'm second-in-command there, after General Hammond. The four of us, you, me, Daniel and Teal'c are part of a reconnaissance/exploration team called SG-1."

"SG standing for Stargate," Samantha surmised.

"Right. Currently there's 13 SG teams with various areas of expertise, but we're considered to be the best of the best," Jack said with not a little pride. "There's any number of missions that run concurrently, so there may be several SG teams off-world at one time."

Samantha stood, joining Jack in his pacing. "You don't really expect me to believe this, do you? That I am--was--part of a planet-hopping exploration team? Come on, Jack! Stuff like this doesn't really happen!"

"He's telling you the truth, Samantha!" Daniel implored.

"Oh, and I should believe you, right? You'd jump through a hoop if Jack asked you to!"

"Yeah, I would. And you know why? Because he's my friend, *and* the commander of my team. I don't have to listen to his orders. I'm not in the military. But I do, because I respect him. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. Same as Teal'c. Same as you. That's what makes SG-1 special. What makes me put up with all the covert bullshit. And we miss you being a part of our team. We want you back."

Jack just stared at Daniel. He respected him? Well, on some level he guessed Daniel had faith in him, but he'd never stated he respected him. Jack was always under the impression Daniel put up with him and his sarcasm towards archeology and science in general. But as Jack had come to see a different side to Daniel, so, it seemed, Daniel had come to see a different side of him.

"Want me back?" Samantha questioned, interrupting Jack's train of thought. "How could I come back when A., I don't believe this, and B., I don't remember what I did! How can I be a part of a military team when I don't know the first thing about it?" The volume of her voice continued to raise as she argued with Daniel. "I know you guys want me to remember being Sam, but I *just don't!* Don't you think if there were some way I could remember what it's like to be her I wouldn't jump at the chance?"

Daniel looked over at Jack. "Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do!" she practically shouted.

"Samantha," Jack said. "There might be a way." He pulled her back over to the sofa, seating her on the edge of the couch. He took a seat opposite her on the coffee table, clasping her hands in his. "This is why we had to tell you about the Stargate," he began.

"The planet you were hurt, where Daniel was hurt, was P6J-847 or Arrissa. We were on a reconnaissance mission. While we were there, we found the 'natives' had a culture similar to ancient Greece, but more like the myths of Atlantis." Jack could see Samantha wasn't buying it. In her eyes, Atlantis probably ranked right up there with Martians. He couldn't say he blamed her. If he hadn't been there, hadn't seen it for himself, he wouldn't have believed it either.

"You and Daniel went with Ishandar, the leader of the Arrissans, and while you were talking to her, she revealed her people have a ceremony they use to remember their past lives, called 'The Awakening.' Now, we're not sure it will work, but there's a good chance these people might be able to restore your memories with this ceremony."

Samantha looked between Daniel and Jack, clearly unconvinced.

"That's kind of the 'Cliff's Notes' version," Daniel said.

"So how did we get hurt?" Samantha asked.

"Goa'uld Death Gliders were attacking the city where the Arrissans live," Teal'c said, contributing to the conversation for the first time.

"Goa. . . ."

"Goa'uld," Teal'c repeated. They are the enemy my people and the Tau'ri--your people--are battling.

"Teal'c, maybe now's not the time to bring all that up," Jack said. "We'll get to it later."

"Goa'uld," Samantha said, "that's the word you used the day we ordered pizza at my place. You said the anchovies reminded you of little Goa'ulds. But you made it sound like I'd misunderstood you and said 'ghouls.'"

"I slipped up, forgot we weren't supposed to talk about anything from our missions."

"But Jack, it doesn't mean it's real! It just means you believe all this!" Samantha looked over to Teal'c. "How did we get hurt?"

"Danieljackson was attempting to save Ishandar from the Death Glider's energy weapons. He was struck in the shoulder."

"And what about me?"

"You and O'Neill were assisting Danieljackson to the 'gate. While en route, we were attacked again. My staff weapon disabled the Death Glider, but the explosion ejected a piece of metal which struck you here," Teal'c said, pointing to his temple. "We were not aware you were seriously injured until we returned through the Stargate."

"And it was this little piece of metal that put me in a coma?" she laughed. "Where do you guys come up with this stuff?"

"I was under the impression Dr. Fraiser had informed you of the nature of your injury," Teal'c said.

"Uh, no," Jack added. "Another one of the General's directives. He told the doc it was better if she didn't know *what,* exactly, caused the coma. Janet didn't approve, but she had her orders."

Samantha pulled her hands away from Jack, giving him a soulful look. "Why are you doing this?" she asked, her eyes pleading. "Why all these stories, these fantastic tales? Was tonight just to soften the blow when I found out you're all certifiable?" Tears were starting to form in her eyes. "You're scaring me, Jack!"

Jack leaned forward and gathered her in a hug. "Samantha, I'm sorry. I know this is a lot to take in at once. And I know how it sounds. I just don't know how to prove to you we're telling you the truth."

"Perhaps I may be able to assist you," Teal'c said. "Samanthacarter, on my world I am what is know as a 'Jaffa' a host to a Goa'uld larvae. I have a symbiotic relationship with it. In exchange for the use of my body, the Goa'uld gives me perfect health and long life." Teal'c stood, pulling his T-shirt out of the waistband of his pants.

"Teal'c, I'm not so sure this is a good idea. . . ." Jack warned.

"Maybe if she sees an actual alien, she'll believe what we've said," Daniel said.

Jack felt Samantha stiffen in his arms, but she didn't look away as Teal'c revealed an "X"-like marking on his stomach. Jack felt himself tense. He knew all about "Junior," but every time he saw the larvae, it gave him the creeps. He couldn't imagine what Samantha's reaction was going to be. But Daniel was right. They had no evidence to back up their claim. And now that she knew part of the story, she was more of a security risk than if she knew everything.

Samantha watched in sick fascination as *something* began moving in Teal'c's stomach, working it's way through the incision-like marking on his abdomen.

"Oh my, God!" she cried once the larvae was partially revealed. "Oh, shit! Let me go! Jack! Please! Let me go!" Samantha struggled out of Jack's grasp, backing away from Teal'c. "Stop it! Please!" She was practically hysterical. She'd backed against the wall, feeling her way along the furniture, almost knocking over a lamp in her haste to exit the room. Samantha looked at the men frozen before her. No one seemed to move except for Teal'c who, imperceptibly as possible, lowered his shirt.

"I've got to get out of here," she mumbled, running a hand through her hair, eyes wide. She made a dash for the door but Jack reached her first. "Please, Jack. I've got to get out of here!"

Jack grabbed her by her upper arms, spinning her to face him. "Samantha! Just calm down! I can explain all this, I know it's a shock! Let me help you!"

"Let her go, Jack," Daniel said. "She'll be all right. She just needs some time to absorb this all."

"And how the hell would *you* know?"

"You keep saying she's the 'same old Sam' underneath it all. She won't do anything foolish."

Jack looked at Samantha's panicked features. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done to let her go. To trust she'd come around on her own. But Daniel was right. Sam wouldn't do anything crazy. She just had to sort it all out. Analyze, compartmentalize and organize what she'd just learned. And to do that, she needed to be alone.

Jack released his hold on her, watching her bolt out the door, hoping to hell he'd done the right thing.





*********





Samantha ran blindly down the street. She didn't care where she ended up, just so long as it was away from Jack's house. This was insane! He couldn't really have been telling her the truth, could he? And what the *hell* was that *thing* inside Teal'c? She'd always known he was different and had a different relationship with Jack than Daniel did, but she figured it was because he was foreign. She had no idea how truly foreign he was! Oh, God! Was she actually starting to believe what she'd seen? What they'd told her?

Samantha ran until she couldn't draw another breath. Looking up, she recognized a small neighborhood park that was a good mile from Jack's house. There were a few picnic tables and a set of swings, which she headed for. Sitting on the seat, she propelled herself into the air as fast as she could, letting the air rush by her as she rose higher and higher. Samantha closed her eyes, making her mind concentrate on the sensation of flying. Even though it was still dark in the pre-dawn hours, there was something liberating about closing her eyes to the street lights and flying through totally dark space.

*Is that what it's like to travel through a wormhole?* she found herself thinking. No! Her mind snapped. She wasn't going to think about any of that! She was just going to concentrate on what a wonderful night Jack had given her. Before he called Daniel. Before he told her some aliens on another world might be able to restore her memories, before she saw. . . .

"Stop it!" she said, aloud, dragging her feet on the ground to stop the motion of the swing. She ground her palms into her eyes as if the action could remove the memory of seeing something from "Invasion of The Body Snatchers" moving around in Teal'c.

Obviously she wasn't going to put these events out of her mind. Maybe it would just be better to take them one at a time. Look at them logically and find a reasonable explanation for them.

Okay. First there was this Stargate thing. Was it possible there was a device that could do what Jack, Daniel and Teal'c claimed it could? That it could send people across the galaxy? Kind of like a transporter from Star Trek, but on a bigger scale? But that was pure fiction! The idea of space ships moving faster than the speed of light seemed more plausible than what Jack had just told her.

Then there was the top secret nature of their work. Well, she could see why ludicrous tales like this wouldn't be common knowledge! Every kook in the country, hell the world, would be knocking on the fence trying to get onto the base. Regardless if it were actually true.

And these "Arrissans." She was really supposed to believe that some other--for lack of a better word--culture, might be able to restore her memories, when modern science hadn't even been able to ascertain why she had amnesia in the first place? They were probably just some crazies living in the desert somewhere, that Jack had met in the early seventies and convinced him--while high--they had the key to enlightenment. It certainly made more sense than an alien race on the other side of the galaxy!

And last, and certainly far from least was Teal'c. There was no explanation for him. Samantha had always thought he had an exotic look about him, but that could be explained by mixed parentage or any number of "ordinary" circumstances. The thing in his stomach, though. There was nothing "ordinary" about that. And he seemed so calm about it! Calling it his "symbiote!" Like he really had a relationship with some form of parasitic life!

What it really came down to was her trust in Jack. The night may have been fraught with fantastic tales, but one thing remained true--he wouldn't lie to her. She felt it just as surely as she did her "connection" with him. So where did that leave her if she believed them? If she believed *him?* Did that make her as crazy as the others?

Samantha wandered around the park for about another hour, trying to decide what to do. She could go back, claim to believe him and see how he reacted, or just go back to her apartment, forget she ever knew this bunch of loons. Deep in her heart, she knew that wasn't an option. She loved Jack too much to write him out of her life. She couldn't do it, not to herself, and not to him.

*God! Why did this have to come up tonight of all nights?* she thought to herself, blinking back tears. Jack finally told her he loved her, and here she was, walking around in a park in the pre-dawn twilight trying to decide if she should return to his house.

Samantha rubbed her arms. Once some of the shock and the heat from her run had worn off, she realized how chilly the night air was. That, more than anything prompted her to walk back to Jack's.





*********





Jack paced the living room, trying to decide if he should start looking for Samantha or continue to take Daniel's advice and let her come back on her own. Of course, there was always the chance he'd miss her if he went out, so he stayed put. Having done every domestic chore he could think of to occupy his mind and hands, he paced. Since Samantha had already cleaned earlier in the day, there wasn't much to do beyond vacuuming up the flowers and doing the dishes.

Removing the flowers from the carpet caused his stomach to tighten. It had started out to be such a great evening, only to end in disaster.

"Me and my bright ideas," he mumbled to himself, running a hand through his short hair. "Just couldn't keep your mouth shut about the Stargate and Arrissa, could ya? Ya had to bombard her with all this. . .science fiction crap in one big dose, didn't ya? Well, I hope you're happy! Now she's gone! Probably for good!" Jack spoke to the empty living room, having sent Teal'c and Daniel packing soon after Samantha left. They offered to stay, but Jack told them he needed some time alone.

Now he'd had about as much time alone as he could stand. He was in the process of grabbing his jacket when he heard the front door open.

"Samantha?" he called, running from the living room. The sun was just coming up, framing her in the entryway. He wanted to reach out, take her in his arms, but there was something about her stance that made him keep his distance. She hadn't believed him. The thought was like a knife into his already tense stomach.

"Hello, Jack," she said, as if she'd just stopped by to see what was up. He noticed she was hugging her arms, obviously cold. Jack took his jacket, and placed it around her shoulders. She accepted the gesture, so he pushed a little further, taking her hand and leading her into the living room.

"Want some coffee? It'll help warm you up," he offered. He felt like they were strangers, mere acquaintances making polite conversation.

"Yeah, that would be great, thanks."

Jack went to the kitchen to get her a mug of coffee, mentally warning himself to let her do the talking, to take things at her own pace.

"Thanks," she said as she accepted his offering. She was sitting on the sofa and he watched her take a sip, waiting for her to say something. *Anything.* She set the mug on the table before her, clasping her hands so tightly her knuckles turned white.

"I'm kind of at a loss for what to say," she said, gaze fixed on her hands. "What do you say when your lover tells you he's involved in some top-secret sci-fi mission?" she tried to joke.

"Believe him because he'd never lie to you?"

Samantha looked up. "Well, that was the deciding factor in my returning here. That and the fact it's a little hard to refute the 'evidence' you presented me."

"So you *do* believe me?" he asked, moving closer to her.

Samantha held up her hand as if to ward him off. "I don't know what to think right now, Jack. The only thing I know for sure is you weren't lying about Teal'c."

Jack rubbed his hand across his face, suddenly remembering the drawing Daniel had made of the Stargate before he'd kicked him and Teal'c out.

Walking into the kitchen, he retrieved the drawing. "Daniel made you this picture, hoping it would give you a better concept of what the Stargate is. Needless to say, he shouldn't give up his 'day job' to become an artist! Of course the symbols are accurate, it's the only thing he remembers with absolute clarity." Jack knew he was babbling, trying to fill the empty silence of his house.

Samantha looked at the picture, a strange look on her face. "I . . .I think I know this!" she said, still looking at the lined notebook paper with the sketch on it. She moved her fingers around the representation of a circle. "Cha. . .Chappa. . ..Chappa'ai?" She looked up at Jack for confirmation.

His mouth had to be hanging open! How the hell had she remembered *that* when she didn't remember it as the Stargate?

"Uh, ya! That's right! But how did you. . . .?"

"I don't know," she said, looking back down at the paper. "What does it mean? I mean it's not an English word, is it?"

"No! It's from Abydos! The first planet we 'gated to in 1994. The first one *you* 'gated to in 1997. It's the Abydosian word for 'Stargate.'"

"And this symbol," she said, pointing to a triangular shape with a small circle at it's apex, "this means 'home?'"

"Well, point of origin or Earth, so yeah! That's right! But how. . ." he started to ask again.

Samantha started to rub her forehead as if her head ached. "I don't know, I don't know!" she shouted. "It was just. . .there! God, my head feels like it's going to split apart!" she almost whimpered, holding her hands to the sides of her head.

"Come on," Jack said, helping her to lie down on the couch, "Just relax. I'll get a blanket. Maybe if you get some rest your head will feel better. Has this happened before?"

"Mmm hmm," she mumbled. "When I was still in the infirmary. I was trying to remember and. . . ." her voice trailed off.

"Did Janet give you anything for it?"

"Yeah, some kick-ass sedative," she tried to smile.

"Sorry, I'm all out of heavy-duty drugs. Think some aspirin or ibuprofen would work?"

"Might. . . ." she said, turning onto her side.

Jack quickly retrieved a bottle of pain killers, trying to decide if it were better to exceed the recommended dose because of the severity of her pain, or if her condition would make her more susceptible to side effects. He opted for one over the limit.

"Sit up a little, Samantha. Here's some water."

She took the pills and lay back down, her eyes already closing. Jack took the down comforter off his bed, returning to tuck it around her. Just before she drifted off to sleep, she opened her eyes, meeting his.

"Don't look so worried, Jack. I'll be fine. And I believe you."





*********





In the days that followed, Jack answered more questions about the Stargate program than he had at Senator Kinsey's inquest. Samantha's mind was going a mile a minute, and he swore, if she asked him one more time how it actually worked, he was going to throttle her. He was tempted to appropriate her own notes on the tech behind the Stargate from the SGC. Maybe even without remembering her research, she could make some sense of it and stop bugging him when he didn't have the answers.

Jack really wasn't angry about Samantha's eagerness to learn all she could. How could he be? It was like he had Sam back. Well, on one level, anyway. Sam minus the technobabble.

Daniel had been relieved when Jack informed him Samantha had returned, and how his drawing had proved to be the break through they needed to convince her they were telling her the truth.

"I *knew* we shouldn't have cut Sam out of the loop," Daniel had said. "Think of all the time we've wasted by not allowing her deeper into the SGC."

Jack agreed, but there was nothing they could do about it now. On the other hand, if Samantha *had* recognized the Stargate early on, they might have tried going back to Arrissa sooner. It was a case of choosing the lesser of two evils. Without the extra time spent in her company, Jack doubted they would have become closer. Fallen in love. But they also wouldn't have broken every fraternization regulation in the book either. But they *had* fallen in love, and they did *break* every rule. There was no way to change that. The only thing they could do was to go ahead with their plan to return to P6J-847 as soon as possible.

Jack's house practically became a command center as he, and the rest of his team, including Samantha, planned their "invasion" of the SGC. Jack had considered going to the general, explaining what they hoped to accomplish, but he knew Hammond viewed another foray onto the planet to be too risky because of the erratic Goa'uld attacks. Especially given there was no way to tell if Ishandar was alive, or if the ceremony would work on Samantha.

But Jack had to try. Even Daniel had come around about going back to Arrissa. Teal'c didn't seem to have an opinion. Only that he would go where his friends needed him.

Jack, Daniel, Teal'c and Samantha sat around the kitchen table, helping themselves to lukewarm pizza. Jack had a print-out of the SG missions for the next week with departure and return times lined up in columns.

"According to this," Jack said, his mouth full of pizza, "there's a slow period, here, on Thursday at 0300. No one shipping out, no one expected back."

"But won't we look even more suspicious if we go when there's no scheduled 'gate activity?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, and no," Jack answered. "On the plus side we have that the 'gate room is probably going to be staffed with a bunch of kids. Rookies getting their time in while not much is going on. But you're right, it might look suspicious if we suddenly turn up on the base at that time in the morning."

"We often depart and return at odd hours," Teal'c observed.

"Yes, but even some novice Airman might put two and two together and realize SG-1 hasn't been on a mission as a whole for weeks. We suddenly show up, questions are gonna come up," Jack said.

"So, how do we look 'normal?'" Samantha asked.

"Uh, well, it's gonna have to be mostly us," Jack told her. "Since you still won't have clearance."

"Then what about us?" Daniel questioned.

"We start hanging around the SGC at odd hours. A lot of early morning hours. Daniel, you're often there, in your lab all night. Just make a show of being seen, so it looks like you've been staying at the base more recently. Same for Teal'c. He should probably move back there."

"I believe Danieljackson still requires my assistance," Teal'c said.

"Danny can stay here with us," Jack said off-handily. "It'll be easier to work out the finer details anyway."

"And what if Janet catches me? I haven't been cleared even to work in my lab," Daniel reminded him.

"Anybody want the last piece?" Jack said, reaching for the remainder of their dinner. He took a bite, thinking. "Well, I guess you're just going to have to avoid her, that's all."

"Oh, I'm supposed to make my presence known, but only to a few select Airmen? You know how the gossip travels around the base! All it'll take is one comment overheard in the mess hall and Janet'll come running!"

"So, you run faster! Look, Daniel, I want you on this mission, but I gotta know: are you physically up to it?"

"I told you I am!"

"Great! Then get the Doc to clear you for light duty on the base. Tell her you sleep all day and do your best work at night if you get caught being up past your bedtime. It's not far from the truth."

"Well, Janet's usually not around late anyway," Daniel said. "Maybe it won't even come up. I just want to be prepared if it does."

"We all do, Danny. That's why we keep going over and over this. Our timing has to be precise," Jack said, looking at each person around the table. "We're not going to have much of a window to engage the Stargate and get out before we're discovered."

The members of his team nodded their heads in agreement. Jack was surprised how good it felt to have them all together again, discussing an upcoming mission. Too bad all their careers were on the line as well. He knew what he was asking of them, but it was worth it to get Sam back.

"Okay," Jack said, bringing his attention back to his plans once more. "In order to lock any access to the embarkation room, I'm going to need two ranking officer's codes. That means you and me, Samantha." Before she could protest he finished. "I'll get your code. You'll just have to memorize it. I'll talk you through the procedure here and once we're in the control room, all right?"

"All right," she said, looking a little unsure. "I just don't want to mess up and get you guys in trouble."

"You'll do just fine," Jack said, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand.

"Yeah, Jack's right. It'll be a piece of cake," Daniel said, smiling at Samantha.

"I was not aware you had dessert, O'Neill," Teal'c said. The tone of his voice broke the serious air that had descended on the room. Jack, Daniel and Samantha looked at each other, trying not to laugh, but the sight of everyone trying to control their mirth had the opposite effect. Their laughter rang out at the same time, leaving Teal'c looking puzzled. Jack knew Teal'c had heard the phrase before--he'd explained it to him. Could it be he'd actually made a joke? Good ol' Teal'c. The perfect "straight man."

"In light of the fact Teal'c here's kinda broken the mood," Jack said, clapping his hand on the man's shoulder, "I say we call an end to our little covert operation for the night. Any one up for a movie?"

"I should return to the base," Teal'c stated, rising.

"Daniel? You need anything from your place?" Jack asked.

"Really, Jack, I'm fine to stay by myself. Besides, I don't want to intrude."

"Daniel! I'm not going to tell you again! You're not intruding! Samantha? Is he intruding?"

"Daniel, stay. It makes me feel better about having commandeered Jack's house."

"Well, if you're sure. . . ."

"Daniel!" they cried in unison.

"Okay! I'll get my stuff!" Daniel said, backing away from them. "Uh, there's just one more thing," he added.

"Which is?" Jack asked, growing exasperated.

"I, uh, I can't drive yet, and if Teal'c takes my car to the base, I'm kinda. . .stuck. . .here."

"I'll give you both a ride. Samantha? You wanna come along?" he watched her look around the kitchen, surveying the mess. He could tell a part of her was arguing for cleaning up first.

She surprised him. "Sure, why not?"

"Okay, kids. Looks like we're goin' on a road trip."





*********





Things were going according to plan, Daniel thought. In fact, things were going so smoothly, he was waiting for the other shoe--as it were--to drop. Janet had cleared him to work in his lab, but no more than four hours at a stretch. It actually gave him the perfect excuse to move to the base, helping to perpetuate the myth he was "always around."

Although Jack insisted it wasn't an imposition for him to stay at his house, Daniel just didn't feel comfortable disrupting his friends lives. There was no telling how this mission to Arrissa would turn out, and he didn't want to ruin what might be Samantha and Jack's last chance at being together by being a "third wheel." In the end, Jack agreed it was best for appearance sake that Daniel be seen as much as possible, and in the company of Teal'c and himself.

Little by little they gathered equipment. Borrowing a pack here and clothing there. Weapons were going to be more difficult to obtain, but that was Jack's area, so Daniel didn't worry about it. Teal'c also helped on weapons detail, claiming to need to examine his staff weapon and several zat guns to make sure they were operating properly.

Wednesday finally arrived, and, despite their nervousness, they managed to appear as if it were just another day. Jack left early to get Samantha prepared, while Daniel moved all their contraband into an unused corner of his lab.

The game plan was to suit up there, making their way to the embarkation room, hopefully un-noticed. Daniel helped Jack rig a computer glitch with the security cameras at precise intervals for the various check points Jack and Samantha would have to pass to gain access to the bowels of the base. And a big failure for 0245, trusting it would give them enough time to make it to the 'gate room without being detected. Knocking out the security cameras was more Sam's area of expertise, but between the two of them, Jack and Daniel made it work. He was rather proud of themselves, actually. Breaking into the base computer was no small feat.

When he felt there was nothing more he could prepare, Daniel retired to his quarters, attempting to get some rest before they embarked on what he hoped wasn't a futile effort to help Sam. So much was riding on Ishandar being on Arrissa. And that the ceremony could be performed on a "less evolved" Human. He just wished there was some way to confirm her presence on the planet.





*********





Jack stepped through the door of his house, carrying a black duffel bag containing a set of fatigues for Sam. This was it, the final stage, and everyone was wound tight, knowing how much rested on the completion of this mission. Everyone but Teal'c that is. If he was apprehensive about the events that would take place in seventeen hours, at three a.m. Thursday morning, he didn't show it.

Jack never realized how much he took his calm manner for granted, but he was grateful for it. At the moment, he was what was holding them all together. He was the voice of reason. Jack knew he was too involved personally to be totally objective, and Teal'c kept him on track, assuring him they would get Sam back.

"Samantha?" he called out, stepping into the living room.

"I'm in the bedroom!" she replied. Jack walked to the back of the house, stopping to lean in the doorway of his--their--room, watching her make the bed. At the moment Samantha was perched on top, her butt facing him as she tucked in blankets.

"Do you know what a dangerous position that is?" Jack teased, causing Samantha to look over her shoulder at him. Her smirk and raised eyebrow caused his own face to light up in a grin as he held the black bag to her.

"A good soldier wouldn't find herself in such a compromising position," he said, slowly advancing on her. "Too easy to be overtaken."

"Try me," she said, turning around to sit on the bed.

"Oh, I have. And I liked it."

"Guess that makes two of us," she said, never taking her eyes off him as he continued his slow walk towards her. She was about to speak when he lunged at her, tackling her to the bed.

"Jack!"

"Scared, ya, huh?" he grinned.

"Well, you did catch me a bit off guard," she allowed.

Jack straddled her, effectively pinning her to the bed as he grabbed her wrists, pulling Samantha's arms over her head. Bending his own head to kiss her exposed neck, he heard her start to purr.

"Jack, what are you doing?"

"I thought I was being rather obvious," he said, moving his mouth over her jaw to capture her lips in a deep kiss.

"I just made the bed," she sighed, once he let her up for air.

"We'll make it again. I'll help you," he mumbled against her ear.

"That I'd like to see."

"There's something else I'd like to see," he said, stripping her of her blouse, his lips moving to the newly exposed flesh.

"What's gotten into you this morning?" she asked. "Not that I'm complaining."

"You," he said, releasing her hands, sitting up. Jack still straddled her hips, but his hand gently caressed her cheek. "You've gotten into me. And I don't know that I can live without you anymore."

Samantha struggled to sit up, and Jack moved off to let her. "Why do you have to? Is this about the ceremony? Is there more involved than you've told me?" he could hear the anxiety slipping into her voice.

Picking up her right hand he held it tightly within both of his, staring into her eyes. "Samantha, I promise you, you know everything we do. There are risks, but you said you accept them."

"I do. But that's not what's bothering you, is it?"

Jack bowed his head. "No. I guess I'm more worried about what happens after. What happens when you remember being Sam."

"I don't understand. You said you thought there was a good chance I'd hang on to these memories as well. I'm not going to forget how much I love you, Jack."

"No, but you're also going to remember about being a soldier. A Captain. Under my command. And you're going to remember why we can't be together."

"What are you saying, Jack? That we shouldn't do this? I've been happy these last weeks. I could be happy staying 'Samantha.'"

"You say that now. But I know you, *Sam,*" he said purposely calling her by the shortened version of her name. "You're content now, we both are, but what happens in a year when the novelty of our being in love wears off? I'm not saying I won't still love you; I always will. But there'll come a time when it won't be all-consuming, for either of us. You'll want more out of life than cooking dinner and waiting for me to return from the base. And I'm going to want you to have it. How do you think I'll feel when I know there was something I could have done, but I was too selfish to give it a try because I might lose you?"

Samantha was quiet for a moment, letting the words sink in. "But there are millions of women who make their homes and families their priority. I could learn to do that."

"But don't you see? I don't want you to have to 'learn' to do that. Or 'settle' for that. I know you could do it, Samantha. You can do anything you put your mind to. What I'm saying is, I know what a career means to you. You need to be a part of something big, and meaningful. And the Stargate program is all that and more. You're needed there. I need you there as much as I need you here. You're the best 2IC a guy could ask for, and to be honest, I miss you there as well. Samantha, we're not SG-1 without you."

Jack still held her hand tightly within his own, staring at their entwined fingers. "I don't have the right to 'keep' you just because I'm afraid of what will happen to 'us.' It's your life. Your choice. And what ever you decide, I won't try to change your mind."

"Jack, I want to try this. But I won't give up on us either. Somehow we'll find a way to work everything out." She kissed him, pulling him close.

After a moment, Samantha sat back, running her palm against the slight stubble of his cheek. "You got clothes in that bag? Because I'm getting a little chilly here," she smiled.

"Yeah. They're yours, so they should fit." He handed her the bag, watching as she pulled the olive drab clothing out. At her grimace he added, "it's what all the fashionable soldiers are wearing this year."

"No wonder you're always happy to see me in a dress. These are awful! I'm going to feel like I'm playing army or something."

"Well, in essence, you are. You're going to have to pretend to be Captain Sam Carter when we go to the base tonight, or rather early tomorrow morning. Hopefully when we leave, it won't be an act."

"Oh, no. Not the boots! Tell me I don't have to wear the boots!" she pleaded.

"Samantha, what do you want to do, wear a pair of sandals or something? This is the military! Style is not an option!"

"Oh, all right," she sighed. "But you can't tell me I was ever happy about wearing this sort of stuff."

"I don't know," he said, plopping a green cap on her head, "I always thought you looked kinda cute as G.I. Joe."

"You're sick, Jack."

"Yeah, I know, but you love it."





*********





Jack tried not to think of this as his last day with Samantha. He tried to think of this as the end of her amnesia, that by this time tomorrow, Sam would be back and they could work on how they were going to handle the turn their relationship had taken.

There were just so many variables. Getting into the SGC in itself was going to be quite a accomplishment. The odds of this actually succeeding were staggering. What the hell made them, made *him* think they could pull this operation off when there was so much hanging in the balance?

He and Samantha went over the plans so many times she'd finally snapped and said she'd had enough. One more "dry run" wasn't going to make a difference. If she didn't know what to do now, there was nothing they could do about it. She'd memorized the security code he given her and her execution of the sequence was perfect. They were as prepared as they were going to be.

Both were subdued, aware of the minutes ticking by. In some ways Jack just wished the time would come for them to leave. In others he thought the day was going too fast. Neither strayed too far from the other as if just being in the same proximity was what they needed to get through this.

Samantha had fallen asleep on his side as they'd sat cuddled on the couch, watching some movie he couldn't even name. He'd tried to rest, but his mind was too busy with all the details. She must have been pretty tired to drift off, he thought. Jack let her sleep a few minutes more, knowing she was going to need all the strength she could get.

After ten minutes he gently shook her shoulder. "Come on, Samantha. Time to get going."

She sat up, blinking confused eyes, then running a hand over her face and into her hair. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A little over a half an hour. It's okay, we're still on schedule."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to waste one minute we had together."

"It wasn't wasted," he said, kissing the top of her head. "You needed the rest and I love to watch you sleep."

"Yeah, nothing like a drooling woman to get those hormones going," she said, yawning.

"Come on," he said again, rubbing her shoulder. "Time to get dressed. It's showtime."





***





Jack pulled up to the outer gate at Cheyenne Mountain, flashing his security pass. The guard saluted as he drove through the raised gate. "One down three to go," he said, smiling over at Samantha.

She looked at him with wide eyes, silently nodding.

Jack reached over and squeezed her hand. "Just don't get chatty with the guards and we'll be fine," he assured her as he parked the car. He let go of her hand. "After you, Captain Carter." Samantha smiled at him as she exited the car.

"You should be listed as having clearance now," Jack whispered in her ear. "Just walk up, let him check his list, smile at the guy and let's go, all right?"

"Right."

Fortunately, the guard at the first checkpoint was one he didn't seem familiar with. Jack and Samantha showed him their passes and he cleared them without incident. Jack let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Okay," he said brightly. "We keep doing that and we're home free." He stopped to check his watch. "The next security camera should go down in 15 seconds." Just long enough for them to make it.

They were greeted by another sleepy guard who declined comment as he checked their credentials. Jack looked at his watch again. This time one minute to the final check-point before they entered the elevator that would take them to level twenty-eight.

Their luck ran out when he saw a familiar face at the desk before the elevator doors.

"Colonel O'Neill! Hey, I didn't know you guys were heading out this morning!"

"'Mornin' Andrews," Jack said, reaching for the sign-in sheet. He knew there wasn't a way to avoid leaving the evidence of his signature, but once they got past this point, it wouldn't be long before everyone knew he was on the base. Especially once the Stargate was activated. "Yeah, some last minute thing just came up."

Lieutenant Andrews looked over his latest list of personnel to expect. "I'm sorry, sir, but I don't see Captain Carter's name listed."

"Are you sure?" Jack asked, stepping behind the sandy haired youth, looking over his shoulder at the list. He nodded to Samantha to hit the "down" button which she did as inconspicuously as possible.

"She's not here, sir. I'm sorry, Captain," the young man said, "I'll have to call General Hammond to have you cleared before I can let you go."

Samantha's mouth dropped open, but before she could speak, Jack pulled a weapon from his jacket. She'd never seen anything quite like it. "S" shaped with what looked like the head of a snake.

"I'm sorry, too, Lieutenant," he said as he discharged the weapon onto the unsuspecting guard.

"Jack! Why did you. . . ."

"Move!" he shouted, pushing her into the elevator car. He was checking his watch again. "Come on! Come on!" he shouted at the slowly descending conveyance.

"Jack! You *shot* that man!"

Almost as if he'd forgotten about her, Jack looked at Samantha, confused. "He's just knocked out. He'll have a hell of a headache, but he'll be okay."

Samantha's eyes grew wider as Jack pressed a button, collapsing the weapon, replacing it in his jacket.

"It's a zat gun, short for some term of Teal'c's. It's kind of like a phaser," he explained, hoping he'd put into a context she could understand.

"Phaser? Like Star Trek?"

"Yeah," he said, distracted. They only had seconds before the cameras in the upper hallway and the elevator came back on-line. As soon as the doors opened, Jack grabbed her, hustling her down a hallway towards Daniel's office. Once inside he finally allowed himself to breathe freely for the first time.

"I'm sorry if I was a little rough," he said. "But the timing had to be exact on this. Daniel and Teal'c should be here any minute.

Right on cue, the two men entered.

"Everything go okay?" Daniel asked, dropping the load of papers he carried as his "cover."

"I had to shoot the guard at the elevators," Jack sighed.

"You what?!"

"Relax, Daniel, I zatted him."

"But why? What happened?"

"He recognized me, obviously, and started asking questions. He was going to hold Samantha because she wasn't on his list. I thought we'd got to them all, but I guess we missed that one."

"This is an unforeseen complication," Teal'c said.

"Ya, think? *This* is going to go down well when we get back."

"Look, we can't think about that just yet," Daniel said. "Let's concentrate about *getting* someplace before we start to worry about what happens when we get back."

"Is that man really going to be okay?" Samantha asked, looking at each of them.

"He will be unharmed," Teal'c assured her. "One shot of the zat'nik'atel causes great pain, but it will not damage him."

"One shot? You mean they can kill?"

"Two shots will produce death, a third, disintegration," Teal'c said. "For this reason it is wise to understand how to use the weapon."

"Don't worry," Samantha said. "I don't want one."

"Okay, kids," Jack said, calling their attention back to the task at hand. "It's 0230. We've got about fifteen minutes to get ready. Teal'c, you and Danny get suited up. Samantha, we're going to have to stow our gear just outside the control room. Let me show you how to do up this vest," he said. "You're not going to have much time to figure it out on the way to the gate room."

Jack gave her a reassuring smile and a quick kiss. "Ya look great, Joe." He winked at her, sharing their private joke.

Samantha looked around at the others in the room then spoke. "You know, I don't know that I ever thanked you guys for all you're doing for me," she said, her voice laced with emotion. "Jack, I can kind of understand, but Daniel, Teal'c, there's no reason to jeopardize your careers and your lives over me."

"That is not true, Samanthacarter. You have done so for me on many occasions, and I believe you still would. It is an honor to try to assist you in your efforts to regain your memory."

"Thank you, Teal'c," she said, crossing over to give the big man a hug.

"Same goes for me, Samantha. We're all in this together. Before, during and after," Daniel said, looking pointedly at Jack.

"Thank you, too, Daniel," Samantha said, giving him a hug as well.

"Okay, okay. Enough with the group hug stuff," Jack growled.

"Jealous?" She smiled at him.

"As a matter of fact, yeah."

Samantha crossed over to Jack, wrapping her arms around his neck, giving him a long kiss. "And thank you, most of all for giving me the courage to try this."

Daniel coughed and looked away, while Teal'c simply stared at Jack and Samantha.

Jack pulled back, giving her a quick smile before looking at the clock. "Okay, campers. Looks like we're on. See ya all in the gate room." Daniel and Teal'c left first, leaving Jack and Samantha alone for a brief moment. He quickly kissed her back.

"Whatever happens, Samantha, remember that I love you."

"I love you too, Jack. Never forget that."

"Hey, you're the one with the memory problem," he teased. "Let's go do some acting."





*********





Samantha followed Jack down the labyrinth of corridors. How the hell did she ever find her way around this place? Each hallway looked the same: grey concrete, with black and yellow hazard striping being the only thing breaking up the depressing monotony.

Jack stopped in front of a heavy metal door, painted a deeper shade of grey. "We'll stow our gear here," he said, opening the storage closet. "We'll have to backtrack to go to the control room."

From here she had a vague idea of the floor plan. Jack, Daniel and Teal'c had made her a map of sorts to give her a basic knowledge of the locations of the briefing, control and embarkation rooms. Jack gave her hand a quick squeeze before bursting into the control room, reciting his "lines."

"Geeze, Carter! Do we have to go over this *now?* Can't it wait until morning?"

"It is morning, sir."

"I mean a reasonable hour, like 0800 or somethin'?"

"Sir, these calculations could effect the upcoming missions and I don't want anyone to go through the Stargate before I've had a chance to double check them."

"Fine, but what do you need me here for?"

"I need someone to feed in coordinates as I double-check them," she said taking a seat before a keyboard. Looking up then she noticed the Airman who'd jumped to her feet the minute they'd entered the room.

"At ease, Airman," Jack dismissed her. "It's way too early for all that," he smiled at the young woman.

"Yes, sir!"

"Look, uh, Donnatelli," Jack said, reading the woman's nameplate, "Carter and I seem to have to correct some doohicky with the computer before the next SG mission. Are we gonna be in your way?"

"*My* way, sir?!"

"Well, yeah. I know this is your watch and all. Hey, as long as we're here, why don't you take a break. There's no one expected back in, is there?"

"No, sir. No one until 0900."

"Okay, then. Why don't you take fifteen. I'm sure the Captain and I can hold down the fort."

"Well, sir, if you don't mind. . . . I guess I could use a bit of a break."

"Knock yourself out, Donnatelli," Jack said, giving her his most endearing smile.

"Thank you, sir, ma'am," Donnatelli said, exiting the room.

Samantha waved her hand absentmindedly in the air as the woman left. Once the door shut, Samantha slumped in her chair, exhaling the breath she'd been holding.

"See?" Jack said, "that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"I think I can probably swallow my heart now," she said.

"Okay, we've got to move here. Just because I told her fifteen minutes, that doesn't mean she's going to take that long. Here's your console," Jack said, pointing to a keyboard across the room from his. "You go first."

Samantha entered the code she'd familiarized herself with. "Done."

She listened to Jack's fingers tapping on the keys. "All right. That should knock out the cameras in the hallway and the gate room. As we leave we press this key and that'll seal the blast doors. Time to dial up Arrissa, " he said.

For the first time Samantha had a moment to look up and out the glass of the control room. She gasped when she saw the 'gate. So like Daniel's drawing, yet nothing had prepared her for the shear size of the object. It was immense! And it was real! Up until now, she didn't know if she completely bought what Jack had been telling her. But here, before her, was solid evidence of all he and the others had told her.

She was still standing before the windows, gaping, when Jack grabbed her arm. "Come on, Samantha. We have to get down there before all the chevrons are encoded."

They raced out of the control room, Jack hitting the last key needed to secure the embarkation room. Grabbing their gear from the closet, they just made it inside the gate room before the heavy doors closed, sealing them inside.

"That's the sixth one," Daniel noted as the inner ring of the Stargate stopped spinning and a lighted "lock" encoded.

"Stand back," Jack warned her as the seventh chevron locked and the wormhole established itself. A blue bubble of light and energy exploded out over the ramp, causing Samantha to take a step back.

"Whoa! That's *incredible!*"

She felt Jack take her hand. "It's okay. See? It's settled down now." Jack was right. The center of the Stargate was now filled with a shimmering, almost liquid-appearing substance.

Just then a voice came over the P.A. System. "Colonel O'Neill, sir! Stop! You haven't been authorized to use the gate at this time!"

"Okay, kids, that's our cue to get outta here. I'm sure she's on the phone to Hammond."

Daniel and Teal'c ran up the ramp, disappearing into the blue without a trace.

"You're turn," Jack said, hustling her up the ramp.

Samantha stopped, inches from entering the ring. "It really doesn't hurt?"

"I told you. You'll probably be nauseous and you will be cold, but that's all. I know you'd like to explore this more, but we got to go before they get that door open."

Samantha took a moment to look into Jack's eyes before stepping through the event horizon. "See you on the other side."





*********





Daniel and Teal'c were waiting to catch Samantha as she came through the gate. God! She'd never felt so frozen in her life! When Jack told her she'd be cold, she had no idea! Suddenly the urge to vomit was overpowering, eclipsing the pain of the cold. Teal'c and Daniel must have recognized the signs, quickly leading her away from the Stargate to some bushes that flanked the dais.

"Easy, Samantha," Daniel said, rubbing her back. "It does that to all of us. It just takes a little getting used to."

"Samantha?" Jack called.

"Down here, Jack," Daniel said, his hand still on Samantha's back.

Jack jumped off the rocks, joining them in the brush. "How ya doin', Kiddo?"

"Better now," she said, gladly accepting Jack's canteen. After rinsing her mouth out and taking a small sip, she looked up at him. "Holy Hannah! That was amazing!"

"Yeah, that's one word for it," Jack grinned.

Samantha looked around at the stately evergreens. "Are we really on another planet? It looks so much like Earth!"

"Yeah, if you're a 'tree hugger,' this place is paradise."

"Jack thinks the Goa'uld could have added a little more variety to the locations they chose to transplant Humans to," Daniel clarified.

"But I thought you said the Arrissan's might have been the ones who built the 'gates. If they're Human, wouldn't they choose locations that reminded them of Earth? Or chose Earth because it reminded them of their home planet?"

"Geeze, just getting you back to this planet is making you sound more like Carter," Jack groused good-naturedly. "Well, it's a bit of a walk and we don't know how much time this is going to take. We better get moving."

Samantha tried to keep up with the pace Jack was setting, but she kept getting distracted by the scenery around her. It certainly *looked* like any woods she'd seen in North America, but occasionally there would be a reminder it wasn't Earth. An unrecognizable "bird" would fly by. There would be a call of an animal she'd never heard before. She just couldn't believe she would ever be as blaze' about a foreign world as her companions were. She supposed after seeing so many different planets, one alien landscape seemed pretty much like the next. But this was her first alien landscape. Well, maybe not technically, but it was her first in recent memory.

"Samantha," Jack sighed. "Look, I know this is all fascinating to you but we really got to get a move on, here."

"I'm sorry, Jack. It's just a little overwhelming."

Jack's features softened. "Yeah, I know it is. And I wish we had more time for you to look around, but. . ."

"I know. I'll keep up," she smiled, still enthralled.

About a half hour later, they came over the ridge where Samantha saw a village bustling with activity.

"Is this where the woman you think can help me lives?" she asked.

"Yeah," Daniel answered, obviously in awe. "Jack, you notice anything funny down there?"

"You mean the way that it looks like we found it? No sign of a Goa'uld attack?"

"Yeah. I mean, this culture doesn't appear to be advanced enough to have effected those kinds of repairs in this amount of time, do you think?"

"No. But weren't you the one who keeps telling me you think they're the ones who built the 'gates? If they've got that kind of technology, doing cosmetic repairs to some building would be nothing."

"Just because their ancestors may have built the 'gates, doesn't mean these people have that kind of technological knowledge," Daniel said. "Maybe they're like us. We figured out how to *use* the 'gates, but we couldn't build one from scratch."

"Could be the reason for this Awakening ceremony of theirs," Jack supplied. "Kind of a refresher course on their people's tech."

Daniel shrugged his shoulders. "Anything's possible."

"Maybe while Samantha's getting her head looked at, you and Teal'c can have a look around, find out some more about what makes these people tick."

Daniel nodded, following Jack's lead down the grassy ridge.

Samantha found her trepidation increasing as they neared the village. Was she really about to let some alien mess with her mind? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But how could she back out now? After all the guys had done to get her here? Didn't she at least owe them the courtesy of talking to this Ishandar?

At the edge of the dwellings a woman stood, dressed in long white robes, smiling at them as they approached.

"Ishandar!" Daniel cried, moving passed Samantha to greet the woman. "We thought you might have died in a Goa'uld attack! I'm glad to see you survived!"

"Daniel, there is no death," she said shaking her head as if indulging a child's fanciful notions.

"Right," Daniel said, being diplomatic and not arguing with her "It's good to see the Goa'uld have not sent you to the next life."

Ishandar smiled. "I would have gladly went, but when I realized Samantha was going to need my assistance, so I chose not to go."

Samantha looked up at the sound of her name. How did this woman know her? Or that she was going to need help remembering who she was? The way she spoke, it was like she were welcoming back old friends. She knew for a fact 'Sam' and Daniel had only spent a little over an hour with this woman.

Daniel looked around to the rest of the group. "How did you know that, Ishandar? You told me you're people aren't psychic."

"Most of them are not. But I have the gift of Sight. It is one of the reasons I am Ishandar."

"Ya didn't think to mention this before?" Jack asked, speaking for the first time since they'd arrived at the settlement.

"It wasn't important the last time we spoke," she smiled at him. "But it is necessary now since I needed to prepare." Ishandar took his hand as well as Samantha's. "It is good you have come, but we have much work ahead of us."

Samantha saw Jack cast a questioning glance at Daniel.

"It'll be all right," he assured them. Looking back at Ishandar he said, "do you mind if Teal'c and I have a look around? We'd like to learn more about your people."

The woman placed her hands together, bowing slightly. "Arrissa welcomes you." Straightening, she led Samantha and Jack towards her house.

"Good luck!" Daniel called as they separated.





*********





Jack looked around Ishandar's home. He really didn't have time to get a good look around the last time he was here, so he made up for that oversight as Ishandar led Samantha to an adjoining room. It looked like a cross between a shrine and what he assumed was a regular home on Arrissa. Candles and incense burned everywhere making the air feel heavy, relaxing. He hadn't slept much since the latest phase of their operation, and the warm, sweet-scented air was making him more than a little drowsy.

"Please, have a seat, Jack," Ishandar invited, motioning to the cushions on the floor. She noticed the zat gun under his jacket and held out her hand. "Your weapon will not be necessary here."

"If it's all the same to you, Ishandar, I'd feel better if I hung on to it."

Ishandar gave him the same indulgent smile she'd given Daniel earlier. "I understand your wish to be protected. To offer Samantha protection, but I must ask you for it as a measure of your sincerity and trust."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud," he muttered under his breath, reaching for the gun. The last thing he wanted to do was give up his weapon, but he knew she'd refuse to help Samantha if he were difficult. They'd come through too much to be stopped by his paranoia. He suspected Ishandar knew of the small handgun he kept hidden, but for some reason she didn't demand it. Perhaps his relinquishing his zat gun really *was* a symbolic gesture of trust.

"Where's Samantha?" he asked as she placed the gun out of sight.

"She is preparing."

"I got that part," he said. "*How* is she preparing?"

"She must purify herself. Clear her mind. Reach a state of relaxation so she's open to the procedure we will perform."

"'We?'" he asked, his eyebrows raising.

"Yes. You are a part of this as well."

"I thought this was something personal. Something you and she did together."

"Among the Arrissan's, that is how the Awakening is accomplished. But you are not the same as us. We were once as you, but we have evolved into a higher state of existence."

Jack tried not to take offense at the hint, as a species, Humans were "sub-standard," but it was hard not to get a little defensive. For a bunch of "inferiors" he thought they'd done pretty damn good.

"I did not mean to imply you or your species was inferior," Ishandar said, leaving Jack with his mouth hanging open.

"Can you read all my thoughts that easily?"

"Only the ones with strong emotion behind them," she assured him. "Like your love and concern for Samantha. It is always there. A constant thought in your mind, even when you push it to another corner of your consciousness."

Jack felt his face flush. He'd hoped he hadn't been that obvious. He knew Teal'c and Daniel saw it, but he wasn't aware he was broadcasting his feelings for Samantha so strongly this virtual stranger could pick up on it. But then Ishandar had an advantage most people didn't. She'd intimated there was something going on between him and Samantha even before there was. How had she put it? They almost always chose to come back together? He didn't know how much of this past life stuff he bought, but she'd certainly made a case for her powers of perception by spotting his love for Samantha even before he himself realized it.

"I'm not sure how I can be of help. After all, it's your ceremony," Jack needlessly pointed out.

"True, but you know her, are a part of her and you can reach the parts of her she cannot. Your voice will lend stability to the procedure. Connect her to this life."

Jack shook his head, not quite understanding what Ishandar was talking about. Kind of reminded him of another woman he was rather fond of.

"Okay," he relented. "What do I have to do?"

"You too must prepare. Remove your clothing and replace them with these," she said, handing him what looked to be robes similar to her own. Grudgingly, Jack accepted the garment.

"Geeze, the things I don't do for that woman," he muttered under his breath as he followed Ishandar into a room on the opposite side of the house where Samantha was "preparing."

Jack slipped his fatigues off, pulling on the robe-like clothing. "I feel like a God-damned Tok'ra," he complained aloud to himself. Truth be told, he knew his bad mood was a cover for his nervousness. So much rested on Ishandar being able to help Samantha. What would he do if this didn't work? How did he return to the SGC, to General Hammond, and explain his blatant disregard of orders and protocol?

His thoughts were interrupted by hearing Ishandar calling to him. "Jack, if you would join us please, we're about to begin."

He exited the small room to see Samantha stretched out on the low table in the center of the room, the one surrounded by cushions. Ishandar was kneeling near Samantha's head, motioning to her right for him to join her.

*Kneeling,* Jack thought. *Of course she'd make me kneel on top of everything else.* He gripped the edge of the table, trying to lower himself to the cushions, trying to keep the grimace of pain from his face.

"I am sorry," Ishandar said, standing. "I should have realized your physical limitations. Please, follow me."

Jack stood from his half crouch, wiping the sheen of perspiration from his forehead.

"Stand here," Ishandar instructed, indicating a raised platform. She removed a circular device from a fold in her robe, fitting it into the palm of her hand, moving to position her hand over his left knee.

"Whoa! Wait a second!" Jack cried, trying to back away from the woman. "That's Goa'uld tech! I thought you said you didn't have any contact with them!"

"And I told you they stole much of our technology before they subjugated your people when we lived in what you call Atlantis. They took this as well," she said, holding up a ribbon device, causing Jack to retreat even further.

"Get that damn thing away from me!"

"It is the means I am going to help Samantha," she stated.

"Like hell, you are!" Jack cried, wishing he hadn't handed over his zat gun so quickly.

"Jack, calm yourself, you shall disturb Samantha and we'll have to begin again."

Jack snuck a quick look over at Samantha who seemed to be resting comfortably, a peaceful smile on her face. "What did you do to her?"

"She is only in a state of deep meditation. Now, will you please allow me to ease your pain?"

Jack wasn't sure he wanted one of those "healing devices" near him, but it was a good way to test Ishandar's sincerity to help Samantha. "Fine," he said tersely, "knock yourself out."

Ishandar held the device near his knee, the entire surface glowing. At first he didn't feel anything, then there was a pleasant tingling as his pain gradually evaporated.

"That's amazing!" he said, bending his knee back and forth, testing the range of motion. He couldn't believe she'd effectively cured him when surgeries and months of physical therapy only got him to the point he could walk in bearable pain.

"I don't know what to say," Jack commented. "Thank you seems so inadequate."

Ishandar smiled. "I can feel your gratitude, and it is more than enough. Now, will you assist me with Samantha?"

"Yeah," he answered, distracted, still marveling at the miracle she'd just performed. Hell, he'd follow her to the ends of the Earth, or Arrissa, as the case may be, for the service she'd just done him.

Ishandar redirected Jack back to Samantha's right side as she slipped the ribbon device onto her left hand.

"Jack, I want you to take Samantha's hand, but do not speak. Just let her feel you are with her."

Jack nodded, watching, still cautious where a ribbon device was concerned. Perhaps Ishandar read his thoughts as she explained the purpose of the mechanism.

"What you call a 'ribbon device' was actually created to aid us in retrieving our memories of our past lives so that we might find our true purpose in the current life. It was the Goa'uld who bastardized it into an instrument of torture."

Jack merely nodded as Ishandar turned her attention back to Samantha. The light waves emanating from her palm, concentrating on Samantha's forehead were lighter, more transparent than he'd seen when a Goa'uld used the device.

"Samantha," Ishandar spoke in low, soothing tones. "I'm going to ask you some questions and you will answer them as best you can. If you encounter some resistance we will go on, returning when you feel comfortable answering." She continued, as if she didn't expect an answer from Samantha.

"Now, I want you to think back to when you were a small girl, and we'll move forward from there."





*********





Samantha heard Ishandar's voice coming from far away, but she still felt as though she had to obey it. She couldn't remember exactly what the woman was asking her, only that she was answering her questions. Samantha had a memory of firing a gun for the first time, at her father's insistence, and how much she hated it. It was the same memory she'd had in her apartment that first day she'd been out of the infirmary.

Her apartment. Looking at it thought her "minds eye" she began to recognize objects, pictures, things that made the small space her home. Instead of the sterile feelings she'd had when Jack first brought her there, now there were feelings of comfort. Of being among things that were physical evidence of her life.

Jack. He was with her now, she felt his hand and his presence with her. But she wasn't supposed to be feeling like this about him. She knew there was a reason, but she didn't know what it was. A uniform. Something to do with a uniform. Both of them in the same type of uniform. Because of this, her love for Jack was wrong. No, not wrong. Never wrong. Misplaced.

She was a soldier? Now she held a gun easily, having learned to respect it, not fear it. Studying physics. Physics of space, of planets, stars, galaxies. Stepping into a great circle and ending up somewhere completely different. Daniel, Teal'c and Jack. Always Jack. Always with her even when he wasn't physically there. Things coming into focus. As if her life could be viewed under a microscope and if she turned the knob the right way, her entire existence could be brought into focus. She felt things becoming clearer by the moment. If she waited just a moment more, she would see it all, and more.

Suddenly she wasn't "her" anymore. She was a he, seeing a different life, but feeling it as certain as she had the one she'd just viewed. Then she was a different she, a he once more, until she lost count of the number of times she switched genders, switched lives. But there was a constant with her. The same "entity" she felt near her now. Then the memory of Ishandar's words: "you have almost always chosen to come back together." And she smiled, because it was true.

"You will awaken now, Samantha." The words were commanding, but not harsh. She wanted to wake up, to see Ishandar. To see Jack and tell him, she was back and of all she'd seen.

"Jack," she said, her eyes starting to flutter open.

"I'm here, Samantha," he said, squeezing her fingers.

"I thought you knew by now I hate being called that," she smiled lazily, knowing he'd get her meaning.

"Sam? It worked? You remember?"

"Mmm hmm," she said, trying to sit up, but she only made it part way as a wave of dizziness sent her back into a prone position.

"You must rest," Ishandar said, her own voice laced with fatigue. "As must I. If you will excuse me?" She said, shaking as she got to her feet.

"Let me help you," Jack offered, but she waved him aside.

"Samantha has much to tell you and her memories of the past will not last long. You and she are not like us. In a short time her memories of her past existence's will be mere images. She needs to tell you before she forgets, so you can both remember."

"Thank you," Sam said, feeling herself close to tears. She took Ishandar's hand as she passed. "I don't know how to let you know what your help has meant to me."

Ishandar placed her free hand on her shoulder. "I know Samantha. If you did not realize the value of the gift I offered you, I would not have helped you. Talk to Jack. Tell him before your memory fades."

Sam watched Ishandar slowly walk from the room, obviously exhausted from her labors.

Jack took Sam's hand, drawing her attention back to him. "What did she mean we have much to talk about?"

Sam felt her smile growing. "It's so weird! I can "see" myself having been these other people. I mean, I don't know that I really believed her when she was saying all that stuff about past lives. But she's right, Jack. There have been very few lives we haven't been together. And those we weren't I was with Daniel, or Teal'c."

"You mean as in TOGETHER, together, or just friends?"

"Both. There were times you weren't there, and I was married to Daniel. Even to Teal'c once. That didn't go as well. We're better as friends."

Sam could tell she was confusing Jack. Either that or he didn't want to accept the possibility what Ishandar was telling them was true.

"But you and Daniel were okay being married?" he said, sounding like he was jealous.

"We were the closest when he was my daughter. Our daughter, actually."

Jack rubbed his face, then held up his hand. "Okay, let me get this straight. Daniel was our kid?"

"Yeah, and you were his mother," she smiled enjoying the shocked look on his face.

"His MOTHER?"

"We don't always stay the same gender. How else would we learn?" she asked.

"All right, this is getting a little too weird, Sam. You're starting to sound like Ishandar."

Sam had to stifle a giggle. "Help me sit up, will you?" Jack supported her back, then took a seat next to her on the low table, his arm draped over her shoulders. It was such an odd sensation to feel comfortable in his embrace as "Sam." She remembered the past weeks as Samantha in almost the same fashion as the thoughts of her other lives. It wasn't really surreal, or dream-like just. . .different. There wasn't a way to put it into words. She loved Jack same as she had when they'd 'gated here, and yet it was like there was something "more" there now. Her memories of college, the Air Force, all she'd forgotten vying for her attention. And the feeling that as right as being in Jack's arms felt, there was something wrong about it as well. As much she'd always felt attracted to him, she knew, deep down, she wouldn't have acted on those feelings because of her commitment to the military.

But that was beside the point now. She *had* acted on those feelings. They both had. And she didn't know if she could go back to just being his Captain and second-in-command.

"Everything okay?" he asked, taking her by the chin, gently turning her face towards him. "You've grown awfully quiet."

"Just trying to get all this stuff in my head straight," she smiled. And it was the truth.

"Anything else about you and Daniel I should know about?" he teased.

"He was a fabulous lover," she said, purposely trying to shock him. "And that time Teal'c was our son."

"Wasn't I there?"

"Um, yeah, you were."

"You don't seem too happy about that," he observed.

Sam sighed. "I was Daniel's wife and you and I were having an affair."

"Oh."

"That's not the worst of it. You killed him, out of jealousy." Jack had become silent, waiting for her to continue. "I had planned to leave him, but at the last minute I couldn't go through with it. Teal'c, or rather Michael, as he was called in that life, was sick. I couldn't leave my sick child and husband no matter how much I loved you. When I didn't show up at our rendezvous point, you came looking for me. You confronted Daniel and got into an argument. I don't think you meant to kill him, things just got out of hand. You stabbed him with a pitchfork."

Jack's face went pale. "So what happened?"

"You left. I made you leave, actually. I knew if the authorities found you, they'd either kill you or imprison you for the rest of your life. I couldn't let that happen since everything had been my fault. I should have fought my attraction for you harder than I did. But there was always something about you that made me think we belonged together. So much so, I was willing to give up my family for you."

"I hope you never have to make that kind of choice again," Jack said quietly.

"But, Jack, don't you see? I do! I have to choose between my love for you and my love for my military 'family.' The circumstances are different, but the choice is still the same."

"Sam, nothing has to be decided right now," Jack said, obviously shaken by her last words. She knew he'd do anything to hang on to her. Just like before.

"You're right," she said, forcing a smile. She didn't want to think about it right now either, regardless of how much this felt like deja vu. There were so many other lives they were together and happy. Why couldn't this be one of them?

Sam proceeded to tell Jack about other lives spent together. The time they fought side-by-side as soldiers in a Mongolian war, how devastated she, as a he, had been when "Jack" died in childbirth. The lives when they'd been happily married with children. And not-so-charmed incarnations when there'd been so much death and pain the only thing that got them through was their love for each other.

Sam didn't even realize she'd started to cry, recounting her memories until she felt Jack's arms encircle her, drawing her to his chest. It had grown dark outside, so she must have been talking to him for hours. As Ishandar said, the memories were beginning to fade, slipping away like dreams did upon waking when you try to grasp an idea, a concept, but it melts and drifts away.

"You believe me, don't you, Jack?" Sam asked, sitting up, wiping her tears.

Jack ran a hand through his short hair, blowing out a breath. "There's a part of me that thinks this is all bunk. Knowing what an active imagination you have, you could have dreamed this all up."

"And the other part?"

"That's the trouble. I don't *want* to believe it, but there's something that rings true. Something that's almost like a memory. Like when you were describing it, I could see it. I mean *really* see it. Not like I could just picture it from your description. I'm not explaining it very well," he sighed.

Sam ran her hand along his rough cheek. "You explained it perfectly. At least as well as it can be explained. I love you, Jack," she said kissing him gently. "At least we didn't miss out on that this time around."

Jack pulled her closer, deepening their kiss until she heard someone behind them clearing their throat. Sam looked up and saw Daniel and Teal'c standing in the doorway.

"Daniel!" Sam cried, almost leaping out of Jack's arms to embrace him. "God, it's good to see you again!"

"Uh, Sam?" Daniel asked, returning the hug. "It worked?"

"Yeah," Jack acknowledged with a jaunty grin. "She's back."

"Teal'c!" she cried, repeating the hug with the Jaffa.

He embraced her for a moment before releasing her. "I am pleased you have returned, Samanthacarter."

Sam had her arm around both men's waists, not wanting to let them go just yet. She still had enough recall of her past lives to know how much this group meant to her. All the times they switched roles, being parents, lovers, children, friends. They were her family. The beings she was meant to be with, in the past, present and in the future.





*********





Although Ishandar had provided them with comfortable accommodations, Jack was anxious to get back to the Stargate and Earth. If Sam hadn't been so tired, he probably would have opted for leaving in the dark. As it was, she needed to rest and he needed to formulate a defense for them once they reached the SGC. Funny how *that* part of the plan never seemed to come up in all their discussions.

Jack knew Daniel and Teal'c would try to persuade General Hammond it was a mutual decision, that they all took responsibility for bringing Sam to Arrissa. But he knew the truth: he was the one in the military, and he was the one who was going to have to take the fall for disobeying orders. He was okay with that, though. Teal'c and Daniel had definitely gone "above and beyond" the bounds of duty and friendship. And to see "Sam" shining out through "Samantha's" eyes once again, was more than enough compensation for whatever shit he was in. He would gladly take any punishment the General decided was appropriate.

Crossing over to the pallets Ishandar had provided, Jack called out enthusiastically, "Gooood morning, campers! Time to rise and shine!"

Teal'c opened his eyes from his state of meditation. Daniel groaned in protest as he rolled over, rubbing a hand across his eyes. His other hand flopped around until he made contact with his glasses which he promptly slid on.

"Is it morning already?" he asked, blinking his eyes several times trying to focus.

"Yup," he said, crouching before Daniel's bed.

"Jack!" Daniel said, realizing something was different. "Your knee!"

"Yeah, the old gal fixed 'er up. Sweet, huh?" he stood and crouched again showing off how well he could move.

"But how. . . ."

"She's got a healing device."

"But I thought the Tok'ra already tried that with you."

"Seems the Goa'uld, and consequently the Tok'ra, 'borrowed' some of the Arrissan's technology. I guess they don't have access to the latest version of the healing device. Ishandar used one of those ribbon thingys on Sam, too."

"That's what they use for their Awakening ceremony?" Daniel's eyes were wide. "Of course! It makes sense, I mean it does something to your brain waves and maybe a milder dose would. . ."

"Easy, Danny. Not before breakfast."

"How's Sam, today?"

"I don't know. I let her sleep just a little longer. She seemed really tired last night."

"Well, I suppose something like that's bound to take a lot out of you," Daniel agreed.

"You and Teal'c get ready to move out. I'll wake her up." Jack moved to the pallet he'd shared with Sam, set apart from where Daniel and Teal'c had rested. At first he felt a little awkward sharing a bed with Sam. Not only because she was "herself" again, but technically, they were on a mission. It didn't seem appropriate that they should sleep together in a "professional" situation. But Sam had given him that look, the one that told him she was still unsure of what their relationship was. How the part of her that was Samantha was fighting with Sam's sense of protocol. He'd slid in beside her, taking her in his arms. The only words either spoke were Sam's soft words of thanks.

Jack leaned over, gently shaking Sam's shoulder. "Sam, come on. It's time to move out."

Sam rolled over onto her stomach, automatically reaching for him. "Jack?"

He couldn't help but smile as her hand searched for him. "You know, you used to call me 'sir' when we were off-world."

"I also didn't sleep with you," she added sitting up. "Morning."

"Good morning," he replied, the urge to kiss her almost overwhelming. As their gazes locked he could tell she wanted the same thing, but in light of their audience, they decided to curb their desire.

"Okay, Captain. Ya got ten minutes," he winked at her.

*There, that wasn't so bad, was it?* Jack said to himself. *Teal'c and Daniel didn't make any embarrassing comments or anything. There's no reason things have to change.* But deep down he knew they would. If he could convince Sam that things didn't have to change when they weren't on duty, maybe they could hang onto what they had. After all, she wasn't pushing him away now. But they hadn't faced the General yet, either.

Ishandar offered them a quick breakfast of some type of porridge, which, Jack commented under his breath, was the real reason they were in such a hurry to die. Even field rations seemed gourmet by comparison. After thanking her once again for all her help, Jack literally had to drag a still questioning Daniel away from their host.

"Safe journey to you all," Ishandar said, bowing over her hands.

"Pleasant lives to you," Sam said, returning the gesture.

"Until we meet again," Ishandar said, looking at Jack.

"Uh, yeah. See ya around," he half-waved, unsure of a proper response. Sam smiled at his clumsy farewell, and for some reason, seeing her grin at his inept behavior, made him feel a whole lot better.





*********





General Hammond paced the control room. It had been nearly twenty-four hours since he'd been notified SG-1 had "infiltrated" the base and used the Stargate for their own personal agenda. Seeing the address of the planet they 'gated to, Hammond confirmed his suspicions--they'd gone back to P6J-847. Instinctively he knew this had something to do with Captain Carter, even though they'd never discussed returning to the planet they called Arrissa. Hell, he *wished* they had discussed what they were planning to do. Not that he would have been in any more of a position to help. But it would have given him a head start on the interference he was going to have to run with *his* superiors when they found out the SGC's best team had taken matters into their own hands. He couldn't fathom what the penalty for unauthorized Stargate use might be. Not only had they disobeyed orders, broken the chain of command, but there was the cost factor. Did O'Neill have any *idea* how much it cost the American taxpayers each time they went through the 'gate? It made the Space Program look like chump change.

Hammond rubbed a hand tiredly over his face. He knew he should take a break. Besides working himself up, he was making the technicians nervous. Not only with his pacing, just his mere presence had them on edge.

He'd never seen a more remorseful look than the one he'd seen on Airman Donnatelli's face when he'd arrived on the base. She looked positively green. He'd tried to reassure her that it wasn't her fault--she was just following Colonel O'Neill's orders. There was no way to know what he and Captain Carter were up to. Though how he got Sam through security was still a mystery to him. Just one of the many.

The general was about to step out of the room for another cup of coffee when one of the technicians drew his attention back to the Stargate.

"Incoming traveler! It's four people, sir! And they're using SG-1's code!"

"Well, it's about damn time," Hammond muttered to himself as he raced for the 'gate room. He walked through the heavy blast door just as four figures walked through the event horizon. Upon seeing him, O'Neill slowed his pace down the ramp..

*At least he's aware of what he's done,* Hammond thought to himself.

"Sir, I can explain. . . "

"Oh, I'm sure you can, Colonel. And believe me, it's a story I've been waiting to hear." Hammond's voice was cold, his eyes hard. His gaze swept to the other members of the team.

"Sir, Colonel O'Neill took me to Arrissa to help me get my memories back. I know you declared the planet off limits, but under the circumstances. . ."

"There are no circumstances, Captain. Colonel O'Neill was well aware of the consequences when he took you there. Weren't you, Colonel?"

"Yes, sir." he said, not even attempting to rationalize his behavior.

"Wait!" Daniel cried, holding up his good arm. "Jack's not the only one at fault here! I mean Teal'c and I are as much to blame as he is! Don't blame him for a decision we all made!"

"While I admire the fact you're all tripping over yourselves trying to take the liability for this action, the truth is, Colonel O'Neill is in charge of SG-1 and as such, he is ultimately responsible for the conduct of his team."

Hammond looked at his second-in-command. Jack understood this. He'd known it before he'd left on the mission, and yet he still risked everything to help Captain Carter. He'd known Jack would do anything it took when it came to his team, but he had a feeling Carter was even more of an incentive. He didn't have any evidence, but he'd often felt their feelings towards each other weren't entirely professional. Not that they'd ever acted inappropriately. Until today, that is.

Daniel tried to argue with Hammond again. O'Neill placed a hand on his good shoulder.

"It's okay, Danny. The general is right," he said quietly, looking Hammond square in the face. "It was my call. It's my responsibility."

"Sir," Sam tried again. "I know what Colonel O'Neill did was technically wrong. But I can't let him take the blame for trying to help me. He saved 'me' as surly as if he'd rescued me on any mission."

Hammond put a reassuring hand on Sam's arm. "Captain, I can't tell you what having you back is going to mean to the Stargate Program, and how delighted I am personally that your memories have returned. But the fact remains, Colonel O'Neill broke regulations, specific orders not to return to P6J-847, and he has to answer for that."

"It's okay, Carter," Jack said, giving her a look that said more than his words, Hammond noticed.

"Captain, I want you to go to the infirmary, get checked out. When Dr. Fraiser has cleared you, I want you to meet me in the briefing room. Dr. Jackson, considering you haven't been cleared for 'gate travel, I suggest you get checked out as well." Hammond could see his words had the desired affect on the young man. No punishment he could devise would equal the lecture he was about to receive from the soon-to-be irate doctor.

Jack and Teal'c began to follow their team mates out the door as Hammond stopped them. "Colonel, I want to see you in my office *right now.* Teal'c you can join the others in the infirmary, if you wish."

"Uh, sir? Don't you think I should get checked out too? I mean, I was off-world as well and. . ."

"You didn't bring anything back with you the last time, did you?"

"Uh, no, sir."

"Then I think your safe. My office. Now."

Jack left his equipment in the embarkation room, in the same pile where the rest of the team had dropped theirs.

"At least now I know what's been happening to our missing gear," Hammond said, motioning for Jack to take the lead to his office.

Once the door was shut, Hammond crossed to his desk, taking a seat leaving Jack standing at attention. *At least he has 'some' sense of military respect left in him,* he thought. Hammond considered leaving him at attention for the duration of their meeting, but it made talking to him even more difficult.

"At ease, Colonel," he said, declining to offer him a seat. Jack spread his feet, clasping his hands behind him standing at parade rest.

Hammond took a deep breath. "Colonel, do you have *any* idea of the position you've put me in?"

"Sir?"

"I spend a good part of my time on the phone with the President extolling the virtues of SG-1. Now I have to try and explain why my best team took it upon themselves to disregard orders, breach security, and use the 'gate for highly speculative personal reasons? And to make matters worse, the leader of that team also happens to be the 2IC of this base. Do *you* think the President is going to have much confidence in our abilities when he catches wind of this?"

"He doesn't know yet, sir?"

"I don't recall giving you permission to speak, Colonel." Hammond watched as Jack struggled to keep his temper and impatience under control.

"No, I haven't contacted him. Yet. I thought I would give you the chance to tell me your side of things before I involved the higher-ups."

"Thank you, sir."

"I still haven't given you permission to speak, Colonel. What I want to know is why you felt you had to do this behind my back. Why didn't you come to me first?"

Jack remained silent, waiting for permission this time. Hammond sighed, "Go ahead, Colonel."

"Sir, you'd declared P6J-847 off-limits because of the Goa'uld presence there. That the possibility of running into them again outweighed the importance of studying their culture. I didn't think you'd be receptive to my request to return."

"And you didn't think I should be the one to make that call? Obviously you felt strongly enough about returning to risk your career."

"Sir, my reasons were based on a supposition. A belief that the Awakening ceremony of the Arrissan's could help Sa . . .Captain Carter. It was a long shot, and I knew it. I also knew you'd consider such a long shot unacceptable, even for Carter."

"Again, don't you think it was a little presumptuous of you to try to second guess me, Colonel?"

"Sir, if I had come to you, and you turned us down, there's no way we'd get a second chance to go to Arrissa. You would have been on to us the minute you noticed gear missing. I felt our best chance at success was to go behind your back."

Hammond nodded. He could see the man's point. It didn't make it right, but he could understand his reasoning.

"Sir? I was hoping to keep you out of all this as well."

"Excuse me?"

"Permission to speak freely?"

"Go ahead."

"Sir, I didn't want to get you involved in this. I thought by going 'rogue,' without your knowledge, we might spare you some of the blame in this matter."

"So what you're trying to tell me is you went behind my back for my own good?"

"Yes, sir."

"Colonel, what did you just tell Dr. Jackson in the 'gate room?"

"Sir?"

"Essentially you told him you were responsible for the people under your command. You don't think that applies to me as well?"

Jack looked at his feet. "Yes, sir, I suppose it does."

"Now. I want to hear about this mission. What made you think these Arrissan's could help Captain Carter?"

"Sir, Daniel told me about this ceremony they use to 'revive' their memories from past lives. I believe that was all in his report."

"Yes, it was. Go on."

"Well, I got to thinking, if they could 'awaken' memories of a past life, why not remembrances of a current life? I talked it over with Daniel, and from what he understood about the ceremony, he thought it might work."

"And I'm assuming Captain Carter agreed to this?"

"Yes, sir. She was willing to try in order to return to her former life."

Hammond sighed. "Well, Colonel, I can certainly understand your motivations. I know what your team mates mean to you. I have to admit the SGC hasn't been the same without Captain Carter. But that still is no excuse for how you handled this situation. What if this 'ceremony' you speak of had done more harm than good? At least she was a functioning adult. You had no idea what this procedure might do to her."

"You're right, sir. But I trusted their leader. This Ishandar. She even fixed my knee," Jack said, demonstrating his new flexibility.

"While I find that amazing, in light of the fact even the Tok'ra couldn't help you, I don't see it as a reason to believe she could help Captain Carter."

"Sir, believe me, when Ishandar pulled that ribbon device from her pocket, I was *sure* I'd made a mistake. But she went on to explain how the Goa'uld had stolen much of their technology and how that ribbon thingy was originally meant to help brain functions rather than destroy them."

"And you believed her?"

"Yes, sir. I did. As you can see, she *did* help Sa. . .Carter."

That was the second time Jack had almost called his Captain by her given name. Hammond knew they were friends, but it was odd that in this situation he didn't refer to her by her rank This had been a strange couple of months for them all.. No doubt this situation had brought them closer. Hammond knew Dr. Fraiser had initially released Captain Carter into O'Neill's care. Something like this was bound to bring them closer. But how close? Had Jack risked everything for his friend, or was there more there that he hadn't noticed before?

"I think we should adjourn to the briefing room, Colonel. I'd like to talk to Captain Carter before I make any decisions regarding a course of action. But believe me, there *will* be a course of disciplinary action taken in this case."





*********





Sam was subdued walking towards the infirmary. She was so busy worrying about Jack, she didn't even realize how wonderful it was that she just *knew* where the infirmary was located. Teal'c and Daniel trailed her, equally quiet. Stepping into the medical facility, Janet looked up.

"Samantha? Is everything all right? What are you doing here?" she asked, pulling Sam over to an examination table. "Daniel? Teal'c? What's going on? If you're all here, where's Jack?"

"You don't know?" Sam asked.

"Know what?" Janet asked, exchanging looks with the three people before her.

"About us going to Arrissa?"

"Isn't that the planet you two were hurt on?"

"Yeah. The general didn't tell you?" Sam said.

"No, but I wish one of you would explain!"

"We returned to the planet to help Samanthacarter regain her memories," Teal'c said.

"Is that true? What happened?"

"It worked!" Sam said, her face breaking into a wide grin as she hugged the astonished doctor. Sam gave Janet a shortened version of the events of the ceremony, leaving out the part about the past lives. She hadn't told Daniel or Teal'c about those memories either. She wasn't quite sure how the others would take the information. Jack had been skeptical enough. Besides, she didn't think Daniel would like to hear Jack had stabbed him with a pitchfork in a former life, in a jealous rage.

Sam shivered at the memory. Ishandar said she wouldn't remember her lives, but there were pieces that remained. The image of Jack killing Daniel was particularly vivid, and one she'd rather not retain.

"I want you to have a full exam, Sam. You seem like everything is back to normal, but I want to make sure." Sam could see Janet had more questions she wanted to ask, but when she informed her they were to meet with the General once she'd cleared them, the doctor curbed her curiosity to attend to her job.

Janet ordered an EEG for Sam, and while the test was being performed, she turned her attention to Daniel. Sam couldn't hear the entire exchange, but suffice it to say there was no doubt in anyone's mind Janet wasn't pleased Daniel had accompanied them off-world.

Sam had dozed off, lying on the gurney as she waited for her test results. Feeling Janet's hand shaking her gently, she opened her eyes, staring at her friend. It seemed odd she hadn't felt closer to Janet when she'd come out of the coma. Perhaps if she'd taken Janet up on her offer to stay with her, things wouldn't have gone so far with Jack. Now that she remembered all the trouble they could get in, she was wondering if it had been worth it. Especially in light of the situation Jack was already facing for taking her to Arrissa.

"Is something wrong, Sam?" Janet asked, helping her to sit up. "You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. I would think you'd be relieved."

"I am. Really. It's like waking from a dream. I remember all that happened in those weeks after the coma, but it's still kind of surreal, too. Like it wasn't really me, and yet it was."

"I can't imagine how strange it must be for you," Janet said, taking a seat next to Sam on the gurney.

"Sam, I have to ask you a question, and I promise I'll keep it as confidential as anything medical. You don't have to answer, but as your friend, I'm concerned about you." Janet hesitated a moment before she continued. "Are you and Jack involved?"

"Well, of course we are, I mean we're friends! I'm 'involved' with Daniel and Teal'c, too."

"Sam, you know what I mean."

Sam stared at her hands for a moment, trying to decide if she should say anything. Teal'c and Daniel knew about her and Jack, and Janet was just as much a friend as they were. Jack felt he could confide in Daniel. Didn't she have the same right?

"Yes," she said.

Janet blew out a breath. "That complicates things a bit, doesn't it?"

Sam looked into her eyes. "I really love him, Janet. I mean, I knew I felt something for him before, but it's so much more now. I can't stand the thought of not being with him, and yet I know it's impossible if we want to stay on the same team. Even in the SGC. How do I make a choice like that? It was almost easier when I didn't remember who I was. At least then there was no choice to make. I'm sure I would have been discharged from the Air Force."

"Sam, you can't honestly say you'd prefer to not remember you life, just so you could be with Jack!"

Sam sighed. "No, I'm glad we went to Arrissa, but damn it, Janet! Why does this have to be so hard? What can be so wrong about two people who love each other who want to be together?"

Janet gave her a hug, which started the tears flowing. Sam promised herself she wasn't going to cry. She'd decided last night as Jack held her in his arms, it would be the last time. That once they were back on Earth she was going to make a clean break from him and get back to being just his Captain once more. Friends and colleagues, but nothing else.

"I wish I knew some way around the regulation, but I don't," Janet said, pulling back from her. "Just last week they court-martialed an Airman and a Lieutenant for being what the review board called "indiscreet." The worst of it is, after they were kicked out of the Air Force, they broke up. I guess the stress of the trial and everything was just too much."

Sam wondered if a similar fate would befall her and Jack. Would they be able to emotionally handle the embarrassment, let alone the mutual resentment that would come from a court-martial? Is that how she wanted their relationship to end up? Bitter to the point where they couldn't even remain friends? Wouldn't a bit of pain now be better than experiencing it two-fold down the road?

A nurse came to hand Janet a folder of test results. "I have to have a look at these, then we'll head down to the briefing room, okay?"

Sam nodded drying her eyes. She had to get a grip on her emotions before she sat across from Jack in the briefing room. This was the first step towards getting back to being his second-in-command. No matter how difficult it was going to be.





*********





Jack and General Hammond were the first to the briefing room. It seemed odd they had nothing to say to each other, considering the conversation they'd just had in his office. Jack took a seat to the left of the general, leaving the closest chairs for the others. Pens and paper were in the center of the table which Jack reached for in order to occupy his hands. He started out doodling, then quickly moved on to dismantling and reassembling the pen.

"Colonel," Hammond said, "for what it's worth, I do understand why you did what you did. It's your methods I don't approve of."

Jack continued to stare at the pen in his hand. "I'm sorry I let you down, sir, but at the time it was the only way I could see getting Captain Carter the help she needed."

It was already getting to be old territory, but at least there was some sound in the room other than their breathing and the faint noise of Jack clicking and retracting his pen. It wasn't much longer before Dr. Fraiser ushered in the rest of his team, carrying a folder. Jack chanced a quick look at Sam but she was busy trying to look every where but at him.

"Is everything okay, Doc?" Jack asked.

"Everything's fine," Janet smiled weakly at him.

Something was up. Sam had been acting strange ever since they'd gotten underway on Arrissa that morning, and Janet's behavior only added to his suspicions. There was a distance to Sam, Jack couldn't put his finger on. She had walked beside him, but there was now a definite barrier between them. He hadn't had the chance to talk to her, privately, since Daniel and Teal'c had shown up at Ishandar's last night. They hadn't had the opportunity to discuss what happened next in their lives. Apparently Sam had decided distance was the best course of action, both emotionally and physically, as she took a seat as far away from him as possible.

God! This is exactly what he hoped wasn't going to happen! Sam had been "fine" when she woke up, but the longer she'd had her memories back, the further she seemed to withdraw from him. Maybe she was just putting up a front for the General, but it didn't feel like that.

He didn't realize he was staring at her until the general raised his voice, repeating his question:

"Colonel, is there anything you can tell me about the Goa'uld attacks on these people? Or if there's any reason I should rescind my order about P6J-847 remaining off limits?"

Daniel raised his hand, looking over at Jack. "General, if I may? Teal'c and I had a chance to explore the village, and I think it's safe to say the visits from the Goa'uld seem to follow a pattern. A time table if you will."

Teal'c added his opinion to Daniel's. "I have seen how Jaffa use planets like this for 'training exercises' and they are usually quite methodical in their visits to each world."

"Which means. . . .?" Hammond asked.

"I think what Teal'c's trying to say is that they have a rather ridged schedule which they maintain, so based on past attacks, it's fairly easy to predict when the next wave will hit." Daniel said.

"And the natives know this cycle and they do nothing to defend themselves?"

"Sir, they plan on it," Jack spoke for the first time since the meeting had convened. "They're *waiting* for them to come. Like it's a holiday or something."

"And you don't find this unusual, Colonel?"

"Yeah, *I* think it's nuts, but Ishandar and her people see it as salvation. The way to the next life," Jack said, locking gazes with Sam. "It's all in Daniel's first report."

"Yes, I read that report," Hammond said. "But what I don't understand is how you could risk the lives of your team, to go back to this planet when, at the time, you didn't know about this 'schedule.' For all you knew, there could have been an attack taking place or about to take place at any moment. You didn't even send a MALP through!"

"You're right, sir, but there wasn't enough time. All I can say is it 'felt' right."

"It 'felt' right? Colonel, I believe in gut reactions in the middle of a battle, but a hunch about a planet across the galaxy? That's asking a bit too much."

"Sir, I know the price for getting 'me' back was high, but all I can say is, Colonel O'Neill's 'faith' was shared by all of us. It was a huge risk, and we knew it. I can't thank these people enough for what they did on my behalf. I also believe the Colonel isn't the only one responsible. As his second-in-command. . ."

"Captain, I appreciate that you're willing to take responsibility for your part in this, but the truth is, when you made that decision, you really didn't have a clear idea of what you were signing on for, did you?"

Sam looked around the room at the men who were her friends and more. Very quietly she said, "No, sir. But that doesn't mean. . . "

"Captain Carter," General Hammond said, his voice softening, "this isn't an inquisition. Contrary to what you all might think, I'm not here looking for ways to crucify Colonel O'Neill. All I want is the truth. In fact, what I'm looking for is a way to *help* him. Oh, he's going to have to pay the price for his actions, but in order to keep him on this base, keep him from being court-martialed, I need something I can fight with. Some reason he shouldn't be stripped of rank."

Sam's eyes went wide, glancing over at Jack. "Would it come to that, sir?"

Hammond sighed, "It's a good possibility, Captain."

"They can't do that!" Daniel said, looking around the room at the other shocked faces.

"Yes, they can, Daniel," Jack said, toying with the pen once more..

"Well, I'll resign! Any organization that would punish you for helping a friend, a. . .a fellow officer, isn't something I want to be a part of."

Jack smiled at Daniel's bull-dog loyalty. "It's a nice thought, Danny, but it isn't like you can stage a protest or anything. You're a civilian. And as valuable as you are to us personally, to the military, you can be replaced. No offense."

"He's right, son. Your sacrifice wouldn't make a difference."

"Yeah, it'd be like cutting off your hand to spite your foot. Or something," Jack added.

"I think that's 'cutting off your nose to spite your face,' sir." Sam grinned.

"Whatever."

He saw Sam lower her eyes too keep from staring at him. Okay, so he got the cliché wrong, but at least he got a smile out of her.

"People, we're getting off track here. Dr. Fraiser, what can you tell me about Captain Carter's condition?"

"Well, sir, I guess I would have to term it her 'former condition.' She seems to have made a complete recovery. I'd say her brain might even be functioning at a higher level than before the coma."

"Is that possible?" The general asked.

"I can't explain it," Janet said, looking over at Sam.

"Colonel O'Neill said they used a ribbon device on you, Captain. Is this true?"

"Yes, sir."

"But I thought they were used as a weapon?"

"I believe Daniel's theory that these people could be the original 'gate builders, sir. Or at least related to them somehow. Ishandar told me how the Goa'uld stole their technology, and altered it for their own purposes. The ribbon device was originally intended to *increase* brain function, to aid in the Awakening ceremony, not decrease it as the Goa'uld have made it do. Perhaps that would explain why my brain is now functioning at a greater level."

"Great," Jack mumbled under his breath. "All we need is a smarter Carter." He was smiling as he said it, looking down at the table. When he looked up, he knew Sam had heard him, since she was trying to hide her grin.

"That sounds like a reasonable explanation to me, sir," Janet said. "I certainly don't have any other reasoning for it."

General Hammond merely nodded, moving onto another subject. "Colonel, would you care to tell me how you managed to get Captain Carter into this facility in the first place?

"I, uh, rigged the computers to shut down the security cameras at precise intervals. I also generated a false pass list."

Hammond looked at him and started to laugh. "Colonel, you have a hard time retrieving your e-mail! I hardly think you're experienced enough with computers to pull something like this off!"

"Uh, that's where I would come in," Daniel said sheepishly.

"Daniel!" Jack cried.

"Well, look, Jack! It's obvious you couldn't have done something like this off on your own!"

Jack looked over at Sam who was biting her bottom lip in an effort not to laugh as well. Obviously, she found the thought of him engineering a computer glitch rather amusing. She didn't think it was so funny a day ago when they were planning it!

"It did help that the guards knew us," Jack shrugged. "Once our names were on the list, they didn't question our presence."

"What about the guard at the entrance to the lower-level elevators?" Hammond pointed out.

"Uh, well, sir, I missed his pass list and he was being a little too efficient for his own good."

"So you shot him!"

"Not exactly, sir. I zatted him."

"It was still an aggressive act against a fellow soldier, intended to disable him," the general clarified.

"Yes, sir," Jack answered, knowing there was no way to refute the fact he *had* shot Andrews.

"And the lock-out code in the control room?" Hammond asked.

"I used mine, and I sort of 'borrowed' Carter's and had her memorize it."

Hammond sighed, giving Jack a hard look. "Under different circumstances I might have been impressed with your ingenuity, Colonel. But the fact remains you abused your security access. Not only to enter this facility with someone who didn't have clearance, but to mettle with the base's computer as well. Do you have anything else to say in your defense?"

"No, sir. Only that I state again I felt it was necessary to help Captain Carter. Given the choice, I'd do it again."

Jack watched a muscle in the general's jaw twitch as Hammond clenched his teeth. "Very well. You're dismissed until further notice." The occupants of the room began to rise, exchanging questioning looks.

"Except for you, Colonel. You're confined to the base until I say other wise."

"But sir, I . . ."

"That wasn't a request, Colonel."

"Yes, sir," Jack answered, trying to remember he was arguing with a superior officer, and one who held his fate in his hands.

"I'll make sure she gets home, Colonel," Janet said, pausing to place her hand on Jack's arm. He nodded; she must have read his thoughts.

As she passed him, Sam stopped momentarily, looking at him with great sadness. "I'm sorry, Colonel. I never meant for this to happen."

Teal'c and Daniel also offered words of apology but he didn't hear them. All Jack could focus on was the double-meaning to Sam's words. She was saying good-bye. In more ways than one.





*********





Janet had offered to take Sam to dinner, but all she wanted to do was get home. Home. *What a relative term,* she thought. Walking though the door of her apartment, carrying two bags of groceries Janet insisted she needed, Sam felt almost as displaced as she had weeks ago when Jack had brought her here. She'd begun to think of Jack's place as her home. The apartment didn't feel welcoming like it should. In all the time she'd spent at Jack's house, she'd never felt lonely. Not like this. Perhaps it was even though she were alone, she knew he would eventually return to her. That wasn't the case now. She was the one who'd put a stop to that. She was the one who told Janet to bring her here. She could have asked her to drop her off at Jack's. After all, the things she used on a daily basis were still at his house. She didn't even have toothpaste here any longer.

Sam looked down, realizing she still stood in her doorway, plastic grocery bags in her hands. Placing the bags on her kitchen counter, she made no move to unpack them. Instead, she roamed about her living room, reliving her last homecoming. Jack showing her the book shelves and pictures, hoping to spark some memory.

She picked up the photo album, looking at the picture of the day they went paint balling. Now she could remember that day, but Jack wasn't here to share the recollection with her. Sam ran her fingers over the photo, touching his face in the picture. Why did this have to be so hard? She missed him so much she actually ached, and it had only been hours since she'd seen him. But she knew this was the way things had to be.

Sam always wondered what would happen if she and Jack crossed over the line from friends to lovers. She had speculated--had more than one or two fantasies about it--but the reality of being his lover was far greater than anything she could have dreamed up. She also knew neither of them would have acted on those feelings if she hadn't forgotten who she was. She wouldn't have been so bold, and he wouldn't have been so quick to rationalize she wasn't technically under his command. Neither one of them had acted responsibly, but one of them had to now.

Sam turned with a sigh, heading towards the kitchen when the phone rang. She stared at it, wondering if she should pick it up. Chances were it was Jack or Daniel checking to see if she were all right. She didn't feel like talking to either one, so she let her answering machine pick it up.

"Sam? Are you there? I just called Janet and she said she dropped you off. Come on, if you're there, please pick it up. I just want to know that you're okay." Sam bit her lip to keep from crying at the sound of Jack's voice.

He waited a moment then continued. "We have a lot to talk about. Please don't decide anything until we've talked, okay? I wish I could come over there. I miss you. I need to see you, to see that you're all right. That we're all right, but the general won't let me leave the base. At least until he's decided what my punishment's going to be. I don't think that's going to happen anymore today. Please, Sam! Pick up the damn phone!"

Sam's hand hesitated over the receiver, but she just couldn't handle talking to him right now.

"Okay. Maybe you aren't there, or you just need some time. I'll try back later. I love you."

Jack's last words tore though her. Sam had been leaning on the counter, but now she slid down the front of her cupboards, her face buried in her hands as she cried uncontrollably.





*********





Jack looked at the pay phone's receiver in his hands. She had to be there. He'd tried Janet and Daniel and she wasn't with either of them. He supposed it was possible she'd gone out for something, but it didn't seem likely. He even tried his own house on the off chance he'd mis-understood her farewell and she'd gone back to his home.

Jack hung up the phone, sulking as he made his way back to his quarters. Damn it! If he could just get off the base, if he could just *talk* to her, he knew they could work things out. He guessed he couldn't blame Hammond for confining him to the sub-levels. Hell, if he was in charge he'd do the same thing, but that didn't change the fact that he felt the need to escape and go to Sam. If he wasn't in so much trouble already, he probably would have attempted it. Why couldn't Hammond just slap him with a court-martial and be done with it? At least then he might release him on his own recognizance.

The waiting was the worst. Waiting to hear what punishment the General was going to impose, and the waiting to find out what Sam really intended to do about their relationship. Teal'c had taken Daniel home and wouldn't be back for sometime, and he certainly didn't feel up to hanging out in the commissary. He couldn't take all the accusing looks he was sure to receive. News of his actions had to have traveled around the base at least twice by now. Looking at his watch, Jack saw only ten minutes had crept by since he'd called Sam. He had to give her at least another twenty before he tried again.





*********





Sam jumped as the phone rang for the countless time. She knew she should have been expecting it, seeing as Jack called every half hour on the dot. She should have just taken the phone off the hook, but she seemed to have a morbid sense of curiosity to see just how many times Jack would call before he gave up.

"Sam," his tired voice said. He sounded just as emotionally wiped out as she felt. She imagined him, head resting on the cold concrete wall next to the pay phone, cradling the receiver loosely, as if he no longer had the energy left to hold it too his mouth.

"Sam, I know you're there, I just don't know why you won't talk to me. Nothing's changed. Nothing has to change. I still love you."

Sam thought she'd lost the ability to cry anymore, but his words brought a fresh batch of moisture to her eyes. It's not like he said anything different than all the other times he'd called. Each time she heard the words it tore at her heart. She should just pick up the phone. Tell him she was doing this for him, his career and position at the SGC more than her own.

She didn't hear him hang up the phone as she reached for her cordless handset. Pushing the "talk" button she hesitantly asked,

"Jack?" But there was no one there. She'd missed him. Hesitated a second too long.

Sam deactivated the phone, throwing it with such force she was surprised it hadn't broken. This wasn't like her. She didn't have tantrums or break things in anger. She also didn't fall in love with her commanding officer, she told herself. Sleep. She needed sleep. Perhaps things would look better in the morning. They certainly couldn't get worse.





*********





After a nearly sleepless night, Jack found himself standing before General Hammond in a pair of rumpled, blue, Air Force fatigues. Hammond gave his appearance a disapproving look which Jack shrugged off. He thought he'd done good by actually shaving. He knew he had to pull himself out of this funk if he had any hope of saving his career, so he did his best to stand up straight and look properly chastised by the general's glance.

"Colonel, you look like you slept about as much as I did last night," Hammond said, taking a seat behind his desk. "I hope some of that sleeplessness had to do with your remorse for your actions yesterday."

"Yes, sir," he lied. Well, it wasn't a total lie, he thought. After worrying about Sam, he *had* thought about the possible outcome of this meeting.

"Colonel, I'm not going to deny you do an excellent job here as my second, and as team leader of SG-1. That's why this is so difficult. I don't want to lose you or your talents. But the fact remains, you broke several regulations, and as much as I'd like to sweep this under the rug, I just can't. The President demanded an explanation, and I couldn't give him one."

Jack was still standing, his hands now jammed into the pockets of his pants. They'd covered this ground before. Why didn't he just get on with it?

"I've called in every favor, every last marker I have to keep you from being court-martialed, Colonel." Jack waited for Hammond to say it wasn't enough.

"The best I could do was to convince the President to leave your punishment up to my discretion," he said.

"Which means. . . .?"

"Which means you will not be facing a court-martial." Jack exhaled with relief.

"But there will be an official reprimand placed on your permanent record," the general added. "Keep in mind this will be taken into account the next time you're up for a rank review."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

"I'm not through yet, Colonel," Hammond said, his tone hard. "I have to admit I'm a little dismayed you were able to breech our security as easily as you did."

*Easy?* Jack thought. *He thought what we did was 'easy?'* Hell, he and Daniel spent *days* to simply generate a false pass list.

"Well, sir, as I said, the fact Carter and I are familiar faces was half the battle. We wouldn't have gotten past the first check point otherwise."

"I'm glad to hear that, Colonel, but that doesn't change the fact you *were* able to use the base's computers for your own agenda. There's any number of people who are more qualified than yourself to re-write security protocols."

"Yes, sir," Jack said looking down. The general was right. Anyone at the higher levels could do it, and in half the time if they had a mind to.

"So, in addition to your other duties, you will *personally* see that an upgrade is made to the computers so this type of event doesn't happen in the future. I'm not talking about overseeing Captain Carter doing the work. I mean *you* will do the programming yourself, without help from Dr. Jackson, Captain Carter or any of the other personnel on this base. Am I making myself clear?"

Yes, sir," Jack mumbled, his mind boggled at the implication of the general's order. Looking up he asked, "Sir? Are you sure I couldn't just clean the Stargate with a toothbrush or something?"

Jack saw Hammond almost smile but he caught himself at the last minute. *Oh, he's gotta be lovin' this,* Jack thought.

"One more thing, Colonel. You won't be going on any missions until the job is finished."

Jack swallowed, nodding his head, his mind still reeling at the task before him. He knew he should be grateful he hadn't been drummed out of the Air Force, but, God! He almost wished he *had* been! Looking back up at the general he asked,

"Sir? About the rest of my team? They're not in any trouble because they sided with me, are they?"

Hammond sighed. "Officially, no. There's nothing I can do to Dr. Jackson or Teal'c. And I believe Captain Carter can't be held accountable for her actions while she was experiencing problems with her memory."

"But un-officially?"

"Un-officially, they'll be restricted from 'gate travel as well. Until SG-1 is a complete team once more." Jack didn't need the general to spell it out for him: he knew until he had things squared away with Hammond, none of his team was going off-world.

"Yes, sir. I understand." Jack stared at the general, waiting to either be dismissed or have further restrictions placed on him.

"You're no longer confined to the base, so go home. Get some rest. I want you back here at 0800 tomorrow, ready to begin your work."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." Jack managed to remember to salute the general as he was dismissed, only to be stopped from leaving by Hammond's voice.

"Was it worth it?"

Even with Sam refusing to talk to him, Jack didn't hesitate as he answered, "yes, sir. It was."





*********





Jack took his time making his way topside. Yesterday he would have tore out of the complex so fast, he would have been a blur heading through the check-points. This morning, however, Jack decided to give Sam the space she so obviously demonstrated she needed. Beer was sounding better by the moment, regardless it was only a little after ten in the morning.

Once he arrived home, he unlocked the door, stepping into the stuffy house. Jack couldn't help but think of how different this homecoming was from the one he'd envisioned. He wasn't naive enough to think there wouldn't be some repercussions for unauthorized 'gate use, but he thought Sam would be here with him. Not across town refusing to take his calls. Even while they were on Arrissa and he felt her walls going up, he had no clue he'd be standing here alone.

Walking into the kitchen, Jack noticed his answering machine blinking with several messages. Hoping one was Sam, he quickly pressed the button. Most he erased without responding to. There was one from Daniel, asking him to call and fill him in on what had happened with the general, but nothing from Sam. Jack couldn't say he was surprised, but he was disappointed.

Jack picked up the phone and dialed Daniel's number. On the second ring his friend answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Danny."

"Jack! What happened! Teal'c and I have been worried about you."

"Thanks, guys. At least someone cares," he said, reaching into his refrigerator for a beer.

"I take it you still haven't talked to Sam?"

"No, have you?"

"She called me last night, but we didn't talk long. She was pretty upset."

"Well, I wouldn't know. She wouldn't answer the phone," Jack said, bitterly.

"Uh, yeah. She mentioned something about you calling her," he hesitated, sounding like he didn't want to reveal too much of his conversation with Sam.

"Come on, Daniel. Just tell me what she said."

"Jack, I really think it's Sam's decision to tell you. . ."

"Damn it, Danny! How am I supposed to find out when she won't take my calls? I drove past her place but her car wasn't there. Daniel, what am I going to do?"

There was a pause before Daniel spoke again. "I really shouldn't be telling you this, Jack."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Just tell me what she said."

"She said she was doing this for you. So she didn't get you into any more trouble than you're already in. Which reminds me. What did the general say?"

"One thing at a time, Daniel. So instead of trying to work things out, she's just not going to talk to me?"

"Does she have much of a choice?" Daniel asked. "I mean with the regulations and all?"

"I know it seems hopeless, but then so did getting her memory back."

"I don't know what to say, Jack. I didn't know what to say to her. But somehow the two of you need to connect. Otherwise our next mission is going to be hell."

"Yeah, about that. I wouldn't hold my breath."

"Jack?"

"Part of my 'punishment' is SG-1 doesn't go off-world until I finish my 'penance.'"

"And that would be?"

"Re-programming the base's computers so something like this doesn't happen again."

There was another silence then Daniel said, "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm serious as a heart attack, buddy."

"Jack, no offense, but when the general made that quip about you and your e-mail, he wasn't too far off base."

"Don't I know it," Jack sighed, taking a large swig from his beer.

"Well, I'll help you. I'm sure Sam. . ."

"That was one of the stipulations. No help from you, Sam or anyone else on the base."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"So. . . .how long do you think. . . ."

"It's going to take me? I'll be ready to retire by the time we're authorized to go out again. I almost wish he would have court-martialed me. At least then I could be with Sam," he sighed.

"Jack, I know this seems like Labors of Hercules right now but. . ."

"Who?"

"Hercules, you know, from Greek mythology?"

"Jesus, Daniel! Can't you ever come up with an analogy from this century?"

"Don't try to distract me, Jack. Look, we'll find a way to help you. I don't know how just yet, but don't give up hope."

"Yeah, hope. It's all I got these days."

"Jack? Are you gonna be okay? I mean, Teal'c and I could come over. . . ."

"Thanks, Danny, but I've got my bud here," he said, smiling at the pun he made, gazing at the label of his Budwieser. "I'll talk to ya later."

"Okay," Daniel said, sounding confused. "If you feel like talking, give me a call."

"Sure. Bye." Jack hung up the phone and emptied his bottle. "Yup. Time to get real friendly with a couple of my good buds."





*********





Sam pulled up to Jack's house, looking for signs of his car. It wasn't in the driveway, and he rarely parked in the garage, so it was probably safe. She looked at the key in her hand. Jack had given it to her when she lived there, and she felt a little odd using it now to enter his house while he was gone. But she needed her things. After last night, he would probably be just as glad to see them gone. She had no idea when he would be released from the base, so she knew she better take this opportunity to gather her clothing before she ran into him.

It wasn't that she couldn't face him, so much as she knew she wouldn't be able to stick to her resolve should he try to convince her to keep things the way they were. While they were on the base, things would be a little easier. At least being surrounded by the military would help to keep her perspective. But here, in his home, where she'd been the happiest in her life, she didn't have that safety net. Truth was, she missed him terribly. Her bed had never felt lonely, but last night it seemed to almost swallow her. She remembered waking in the early hours of the morning, reaching for him, calling his name only to fully wake and realize he'd never been there.

Sam took a deep breath and pulled on the car's door handle. If she was going to do this, she better do it now before Jack arrived.

She should have realized something was up when the door wasn't locked, but she was so concerned about getting in and out quickly, Sam didn't notice her key wasn't needed. She walked into the living room and jumped, surprised to see Jack sitting on the sofa. Beer bottles were strewn on the coffee table his feet were propped on. They simply stared at each other, both speechless until Sam finally manage to whisper,

"I thought you were confined to the base."

"I was. Is that why you came over? Because you thought I wouldn't be here?" Jack's tone was hard, accusing, and she knew she deserved it.

"Yes," was all she could manage to answer as she stared at him. He looked like hell. Obviously he'd slept about as much as she had last night.

"So, why are you sneaking into my house?" Jack asked, lifting his beer to take a long swallow.

"I. . .I came to get my things," Sam said, unable to tear her eyes from his gaze. "I'm sorry about the 'breaking and entering' part." She walked a little closer, handing him his key. "I won't do it again."

Jack stared at her outstretched hand. "I don't want it. I gave it to you, Sam."

"You gave it to me when I was living here. I'm not anymore," she choked out.

"You could be."

"You think this is easy for me, Jack? You think this is how I want to see these past weeks to end?"

"Then how come you are? I never told you to get out of my house! I never told you I didn't want to talk about it! I wasn't the one who made a unilateral decision and told you this is how it's going to be, take it or leave it!"

"Give me an option, Jack! Tell me how we can stay together both on duty and off and I'll take it!"

Jack patted his shirt, moving down to his pant legs. "I seem to be fresh out of options. Sorry."

"Don't be like that, Jack."

"Like what? I'm supposed to take this lying down? Just let you walk out of my life with a smile on my face?"

"It's not like we're not going to see each other."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm going to get to sit across a table in the briefing room from you, share close quarters with you. And let's not forget all those cozy camping trips off-world where I won't be able to touch you. You're right," he repeated. "I'll get to see you everyday, as a reminder of what we had. A reminder of how much I love you."

"Jesus, Jack! You make it sound like this isn't killing me as well!" Sam said, wrapping her arms protectively around her stomach as she turned her back to him.

"Do you know how much I care for you? Thought about you even before the accident? Then, all of a sudden, I can't remember why I'm fighting my attraction to you, so I give in and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Even though I couldn't remember all of who I was, I did know, for the first time, I felt complete. Like I'd finally found my way home. But then I got my little dose of reality. I remember why we can't be together. I've already gotten you into enough trouble by letting you take me to Arrissa. I'm not going to see you court-martialed on top of that."

"I think you're memory's still screwed up, Carter. *I* was the one who talked *you* into going to Arrissa."

"But if it wasn't for me. . . "

"I would have done it for anyone!" Jack shouted. "If it had been Danny or Teal'c, I would have done the same thing. So don't you go trying to rationalize this as being for my own good!"

Sam nodded her head. She knew it was true. He would do anything for any of them, regardless of the consequences to himself. It was one of the reasons she loved him so much. His selflessness, his integrity, his loyalty.

"It doesn't change the fact it's still against regulations," Sam said, her back still to him.

"Fuck the regulations!" Jack exploded, throwing his beer bottle. Sam turned at the sound of breaking glass, watching the amber liquid run down the wall, almost as if it were flowing in slow motion. She was surprised by his outburst, and was turning to tell him so when she felt him grip her upper arms, moving her to face him. He wasn't hurting her, but she knew it would take some serious effort to escape him.

"You're drunk!" she accused.

"Not even close," he said, moving his face nearer to hers. She could smell alcohol on his breath, but it wasn't overwhelming. "Don't do this to us, Sam. Please."

His tone had lost all the anger it had possessed only moments before, as his warm breath caressed her ear. Sam felt a shiver go through her at his proximity. She felt his hands loosen their hold on her as he slid his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. She could have easily stepped away from him, but Sam found herself rooted to the spot, mesmerized by his eyes. She was so weak where Jack was concerned. She could be staring into the mid-day sun and he could convince her it was night.

Even before they started moving towards one another, she knew he was going to kiss her. Or she was going to kiss him. It was inevitable. At first it was slow and gentle, both testing the other. It didn't take him long to deepen the contact, pulling her so tight against him she lost what little breath she had.

They stood for an instant, an eternity reveling in the sensations of the kiss, neither one wanting to be the first to break the contact. Almost by silent agreement they broke apart at the same time to take a breath.

"Are you really ready to give up on this so easily?" Jack asked, tracing his thumbs over her cheeks as his fingers cradled the back of her head.

"It was never an easy decision, Jack. You know that."

"Yeah, I do," he sighed, trailing light kisses down her jaw and neck.

He was driving her insane, burning the last of her resistance away as she felt her body ignite with the passion she had always felt for him. And now, after Arrissa, always had taken on an entirely new meaning. Without another word, she took his hand, leading him towards the bedroom.





*********





The sun was beginning to set as Jack woke. Sam was gone, and for one panicked moment he thought she'd left again. But then he noticed her clothes on the floor, mixed with his. Only his shirt was missing. He smiled at the thought of her in his over-sized shirt. There was just something sexy about a woman wearing his clothes. Especially when that woman was Sam.

He wasn't surprised it was late. They'd both been exhausted. Not only from the number of times they'd made love, but from the sleepless night they'd both endured. Jack didn't pretend to believe sleeping with Sam had solved their problems. All it proved was they had no will power when it came to being in the same room together.

Jack climbed out of bed, slipped on his boxers and went in search of Sam. He had ventured only as far as the living room when he spotted her, standing before the window, watching the sunset. As quietly as he could he stole up behind her, sliding his arms around her waist. She didn't even flinch at the contact, which surprised Jack, as if she were expecting him.

"Morning," he said, placing a kiss on the back of her neck.

"Uh, night is more like it. Remember you're facing west," she smiled.

"It feels like morning to me. I haven't slept that good since the last time you were here."

"Jack, it was only two days ago!"

"I know, but it feels like a lifetime."

Sam sighed. "Yeah, it does. I can't believe how much has happened in so short a time."

Jack wound his arms tighter around her, resting his head on Sam's shoulder. "So, what happens now?"

Sam was quiet for so long, Jack wondered if she was going to answer him.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I just know I don't think I can live without you. Maybe being a civilian consultant wouldn't be so bad," she ventured.

"No, Sam. I'm not going to give up the best second I've ever had. Until we went to Arrissa, I never understood how it was we worked so well together from day one. Now I do."

Sam turned around, looking him in the eye. "You believe what I told you? What Ishandar told you?"

"We've seen a *lot* of weird shit in our time with the Stargate program. I can't say I buy it hook, line and sinker, but there's got to be some truth to it. I couldn't love you this much in just one lifetime."

Sam's eyes filled with tears as she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him so close, it was Jack's turn to find breathing difficult. "Wait until I tell Daniel and Teal'c what a wonderful, romantic sap you are, Colonel." She pulled back slightly, kissing him so long she stole what little air he had.

When Sam finally allowed him a breath, he said, "you mention this little conversation to *anyone* and you'll live to regret it." He tried to keep his voice stern, but he couldn't do it when she was smiling at him.

"Or what? You'll punish me? I think I look forward to that," she said, kissing him again. Suddenly she pulled back. "That reminds me. You never told me what Hammond said."

Jack took her hand, leading her to the sofa where he took a seat, pulling Sam down next to him. He wrapped his arm over her shoulders, drawing her to his chest. "I'm not being court-martialed."

"Jack! That's wonderful! I knew the General would find some way to help you. God! That's got to be such a relief! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, for starters, it wasn't exactly the topic of conversation when you showed up this morning." Remembering his anger, he looked at the wall where he'd thrown his beer. The mess that had been there was gone. As were the empty bottles that had littered the table before them.

"You cleaned up? Sam you didn't have to. . ."

"I know, but I couldn't sleep any more. And I didn't think either of us wanted a reminder of that conversation."

Jack pulled her closer. "You're right. Thank you."

Sam waved her hand dismissively. "So what did he say?"

"That he was disappointed in my behavior. God, I think that hurt worst of all," Jack said, running a hand through his hair. "To know I'd let him down, broke his trust. I think that's what hurt him the most too."

"Surely he didn't just let you off the hook," Sam said.

"Oh, no. He's going to make me pay. Big time. First off, there's an official reprimand in my permanent file. I'm really not that concerned about that. I've already retired as a Colonel twice. If that's all the farther I make it up the chain of command, well, worse things could happen. In fact, they did."

"What do you mean?"

Jack sighed, shaking his head. "Hammond told me he doesn't want anything like this to happen again. So he's assigned me the monumental task of upgrading the base's computers so someone else doesn't try it."

"Well, that shouldn't be so hard, I mean all you'll have to do is. . ."

"It might be a walk in the park for you, Sam, but we're talking about me, here. You know, Mr. isn't-a-mouse-something-you-catch-in-a-trap?"

"Well, I'll help you. I can tell you how to go about it."

"That was the stipulation the General gave me. Specifically no help from you or Daniel or anyone else on the base. And until I finish, SG-1 is on stand-down. No off-world travel for any of us."

"Shit," Sam said, unwittingly repeating Daniel's reaction.

"Ya. Tell me about it."

"Well, if we're going to try and slide our relationship past the general, why not my helping you with the computers?"

"Excuse me? What did you just say?"

"I think if I leak you a little information each day about how to fix the computers, Hammond won't suspect my help."

"No, I mean the bit before that. The part about sliding our relationship past the general?"

Sam sat up to look him in the eye. "Oh, that," Sam said, a grin spreading across her face. "I figured if people with alternative lifestyles in the military have a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, why shouldn't it apply to us? I mean as long as we don't act different at work, keep our relationship professional, why should he suspect? After all, it's been weeks and he hasn't said anything, right?"

"He hasn't been around you and I together for weeks, either. Think you can keep your hands off me while we're on the base?"

Sam sighed. "It'll be tough, but I think I can handle it. After all, I've been doing it for over two years!"

"Captain Carter, I never knew you were capable of such restraint."

"You'd be surprised," she said, crawling up his chest to kiss him once more.

"What about Teal'c and Daniel? Think they'll say anything?" Jack asked, running his hand down her side, over her hip, then starting back up her body, this time under the shirt she'd commandeered.

"I think our secret's safe with them," she said, playing with the hair on his chest. "They've been in our corner for awhile now."

Jack kissed the top of her head as his hands continued exploring under the shirt. "Sweet," he murmured. And is was.





*********

EPILOGUE





General Hammond watched from the control room as SG-1 waited at the base of the ramp to embark on their first mission since their "hiatus." Dr. Jackson had recently been cleared for 'gate travel, almost as Colonel O'Neill had finished his upgrade to the computers. If he didn't know better, Hammond would have thought they'd timed the events to coincide with each other.

Frankly, he was rather surprised O'Neill had managed the improvements as quickly as he had, even though it had taken him nearly a month to accomplish. Hammond couldn't say for sure, but he could have sworn some of the notes the colonel worked from looked to be in handwriting suspiciously similar to Captain Carter's. He hadn't questioned O'Neill on it, but Hammond knew if he gave the colonel a "pop quiz" on some of his procedures, there wasn't much of a chance he'd pass. O'Neill had struggled sufficiently on his task that Hammond felt he didn't need to be a stickler for the "no help" restriction he'd placed on him.

Secretly, Hammond was glad he could release SG-1 from their suspension. They were still his best team, and it was obvious throughout the SGC their talents had been missed. Morale was at an all-time high with Captain Carter and Dr. Jackson's return. He couldn't fail to notice how well they were all getting along. Especially O'Neill and Carter. Perhaps it was just Jack's relief at having his 2IC back, but Hammond doubted it. A person had to be blind not to see the connection that had always existed between the two of them, and Hammond had excellent eyesight.

The general reached for the microphone, announcing to the embarkation room, "SG-1, you have a go. Good luck people."

He saw O'Neill nod as the 'gate started it's rotation. Then, as if by silent agreement, both O'Neill and Carter turned, looked up at the control room and saluted him. He wasn't sure they could see his answering salute, but he performed the motion just the same, feeling his throat tighten. Yes, it was good to have them back, he thought. And if his officer's gazes at each other weren't quite platonic, who was he to question them?





The End

~***~

Thanks for reading :-)!




You must login (register) to review.