=} HEY CARTER.
hello, sir
=}HOW YOU DOING?
the same.
=}JANET SAYS SHE'S STILL WORKING ON GETTING YOU OUT OF THERE.
i know.
=} CARTER?
sorry, she came to see me earlier she thought I could help her
=} AND COULD YOU?
not my field.
=} YOU SURPRISE ME CARTER.
I cant solve everything.
=} SORRY. I FORGET. YOU KNOW ME CARTER.
I guess I do......sir?
=}YES.
what's it like outside?
=} RAINING LAST I LOOKED. I WENT TOPSIDE THIS MORNING.
what kind of rain?
=} GENTLE. YOU KNOW WHEN YOU CAN JUST STAND OUTSIDE AND LET IT COAT YOUR FACE. IT'S WARM SO YOU DON'T GET COLD. YOU JUST STAND THERE, FEELING THE RAIN, SMELLING THE EARTH.
I wish I could see it, feel it
=} YOU WILL, CARTER. WON'T BE LONG NOW
*************************************************************************************
Jack rested his head on his hands. He hated this. He hated lying to her. How much longer could she survive in there? Carter was one of the strongest people he knew, but she must have a breaking point. He came down here every day, spending as much time as he could talking to her. Janet said that providing Sam with some kind of stimulation would help....but if they couldn't get her back into her body....
*************************************************************************************
sir? are you still here.
=}I'M HERE, CARTER.
you should get some sleep, sir, it's 3 am
=} HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
computers have clocks.
=}YOU'RE NOT A COMPUTER, CARTER.
aren't I? I hear what people say about me. maybe all this is some kind of payback.
=}WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
doesn't matter
=} YES IT DOES. CARTER YOU'RE ONE OF THE WARMEST, MOST COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE I KNOW. IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I
what?
=} NOTHING
tell me
=} IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU
*************************************************************************************
The screen went blank. Jack hit the enter key several times, but nothing happened. Scared he'd done something wrong, he jogged out into the corridor, hoping to find someone to put his mind at ease. As Carter had reminded him, it was 3 AM.....there wasn't anyone around.
*************************************************************************************
=} CARTER!
=} CARTER!
=} TALK TO ME!
i'm here
=} THANK GOD. YOU SCARED ME
sorry
=}DON'T DO THAT AGAIN
then don't say it again
=} WHAT? I LOVE YOU?
don't
=} BUT YOU KNEW THAT
=} CARTER?
=} CARTER?
*************************************************************************************
She didn't come back. He stayed by the keyboard for another hour, waiting for Carter to speak to him, but she refused. Sighing to himself, Jack pushed away from the keyboard and left the MALP room. She'd run away from him again, he shouldn't be surprised. It was definitely Carter in there....what more proof did he need?
*************************************************************************************
sir?
=} HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?
siler and I managed to tie me into the security cameras
=} SO, TELL ME, DO I LOOK FAT?
no, sir
=} NOW YOU HAVE ACCESS ALL AREAS, ANY JUICY GOSSIP YOU WANT TO FILL ME IN ON?
i'm the soul of discretion, sir.
=} YOU'RE JUST WAITING UNTIL JANET GETS HERE. I KNOW THE KIND OF STUFF YOU GIRLS TALK ABOUT WHEN I'M NOT AROUND.
is she ok? she seems a little stressed
=} THIS IS HARD FOR ALL OF US
I know, but I don't want anyone to make themselves sick trying to get me out of here
=} IF I TELL YOU YOU'RE WORTH IT, WILL YOU GO SILENT ON ME AGAIN?
just tell her to get some rest.
=} CHANGING THE SUBJECT, CARTER?
sir?
=} I'LL GIVE HER AN ORDER, BUT IF SHE COMES AFTER ME WITH A NEEDLE.....!
i'm going to be ok sir.
=} WE WILL GET YOU OUT OF THERE, SAM. YOU HAVE MY WORD.
yes, sir
=} SAM?
yes sir. did you speak to the tollan, the tok'ra?
=} AS SOON AS HAMMOND LIFTED THE QUARANTINE.
they can't help, can they?
=} THEY'RE WORKING ON IT
god, jack I want to cry and I can't. I can't do anything, I can't scream, I can't hit anything. i'm going mad in here.
=} NO YOU'RE NOT, SAM. JUST HANG ON A LITTLE LONGER
stay with me, jack.
=} I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE
thanks. it means a lot that you're here. everyone else just tries to keep me busy, but I don't want to hear about technical stuff all of the time.
=} YOU'VE SURPRISED ME AGAIN, CARTER. I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D REALLY BE INTERESTED IN THE LATEST HOCKEY SCORES.
you make me laugh. even in here.
*************************************************************************************
"Colonel?"
"What? I'm awake!"
Jack's head snapped up. He rubbed his face, trying to remove the indentations of the keyboard.
"Sam came through on my PC. She was worried about you."
"I'm OK."
He turned back to the keyboard, wondering how many hours he'd been unconscious.
"Under normal circumstances, I'd order you to get some sleep...."
"But....."
"Sam was almost hysterical, sir."
*************************************************************************************
=} SORRY ABOUT THAT, CARTER I GUESS I MUST HAVE DROPPED OFF FOR A WHILE
it's ok
=} SO, WHERE DID WE GET TO?
I don't remember
=} I KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
you look tired
=} WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER, I THINK I'M GOING TO PUT IN FOR SOME LEAVE.
go fishing?
=}YEAH. IT'S BEAUTIFUL UP THERE, SAM. YOU'D LOVE IT, I KNOW YOU WOULD. IT'S FIVE MILES FROM THE NEAREST TOWN SO YOU CAN REALLY BE ALONE IF YOU WANT. THERE'S PLENTY OF PLACES TO WALK AND THINK. AND THE NIGHT SKY, IT'S SO CLEAR YOU WOULD SWEAR YOU COULD TOUCH THE STARS. I LOVE YOU TO SEE IT.
you know why I can't. we're not above the regulations, jack.
=} AND YOU THINK WE'D BREAK A FEW?
you know we would
=} I'M FLATTERED. SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN A GUY LIKE ME. I MEAN I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SAY HALF OF THE TIME.
neither does most of the population of this planet, jack. i'd have a hard time finding friends if I thought that was important. at least you listen to me some of the time. like now, you're here, with me. I like that. I like you being with me.
=} EVERYONE ELSE IS RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO GET YOU OUT OF THERE. I CAN'T HELP THEM WITH THAT SO KEEPING YOU COMPANY IS THE LEAST I CAN DO.
there is something else
=} WHAT? TELL ME SAM, IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU WANT
end this
=} SAM?
no extraordinary means, remember? and this is about as extraordinary as it gets. my body's dead anyway. all you have to do is wipe the central memory core. I won't feel a thing.
=}
you killed me once
=} THAT WAS DIFFERENT AND YOU KNOW IT
i've seen your record. you've done worse. if you won't i'll do it myself.
=} NO YOU WON'T, SAM. YOU MAY BE MANY THINGS, BUT YOU'RE NOT SUICIDAL. TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS.
*************************************************************************************
He had to walk away. Jack went topside, getting as far away as he could without leaving the base all together. It was a beautiful day; sun, blue sky, the hint of a breeze. He couldn't accept the fact that Sam might never see this again.
He was losing her, very slowly, but it was happening. Sam was desperately holding onto her sanity, but she was close to breaking point.
*************************************************************************************
=}I'VE GOT AN IDEA
first time for everything
=} VERY FUNNY. SAM, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO AWAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE
why?
=} I'M GOING TO TRY AND CONTACT THE ASGUARD. THEY LIKE ME, AND THEY SURE AS HELL LIKE YOU. I'M CERTAIN THOR AND HIS BUDDIES WILL BE ABLE TO HELP, BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME SOMETHING.
what?
=} THAT YOU'LL STILL BE HERE WHEN I GET BACK.
i'll try.
=} PROMISE ME
I promise
=} I'LL BE BACK SOON. IN THE MEANTIME SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS BE HERE TO TALK TO YOU. NO ONE IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU ALONE.
thanks, I think.
=} I HAVE TO GO NOW. STAY SAFE, SAM. I LOVE YOU
love you too
*************************************************************************************
Love you too....Jack didn't know how true that was....he hoped it was, but Sam was traumatised. She couldn't be held responsible for her words. The Asguard were his last hope. If they couldn't help Sam, he might as well throw that damn switch.
*************************************************************************************
=} THOR'S HERE
he is?
=} YEAH. HOLD ON TIGHT SAM, HE'S GOING TO TRY AND GET YOU BACK INTO YOUR BODY.
is it here?
=} WE'VE TURNED THE MONITORS OFF. IT'S BETTER IF YOU DON'T SEE.
that bad?
=} YOU'RE GOING TO BE OK, SAM.
*************************************************************************************
"There may be some damage," Thor said.
The alien touched Sam's forehead, brushing his long fingers over her skin. The gesture was almost tender, and Jack felt an irrational surge of jealousy.
"What are you going to do?" he demanded.
"Watch," Thor replied.
One hand snaked out towards the computer terminal and the other remained on Sam's forehead.
*************************************************************************************
jack? jack, what's happening?
=} JUST LET IT HAPPEN, SAM
it hurts. make him stop
=} IT'LL BE OK
he's tearing me apart. stop him
"Thor, stop, you're hurting her!" Jack exclaimed.
"I must continue. If I do not, Major Carter will die. "
There was nothing Jack could do. He stood by Sam's bed, resolutely ignoring the panicked words on the VDU. She was going to be OK...she had to be. How she could feel pain, he couldn't say....but Sam was hurting.
On the gurney, her body twitched, then it started convulsing. The VDU screen went blank.
"Where is she?" Jack demanded.
A inarticulate scream tore itself from Sam's throat. Thor was forced to move away quickly, as she started thrashing, her body twisting as she fought against the shock of returning consciousness.
"What's wrong with her?"
No one answered. Attention was riveted on Sam. Her eyes snapped open, but there was nothing in them that resembled intelligence. Janet moved to check her vital signs, but Sam lashed out, sending the doctor flying.
"We're going to have to sedate her!" Janet exclaimed.
"No, wait!" Jack shouted.
He had a pretty good idea what was happening. Sam had been in the computer long enough for the sensation of being in her own body to be overwhelming. Jack went to her side, managing to take her hands in his own.
"Thor, beam us up to your ship, she needs somewhere dark and quiet," he ordered.
They were engulfed in white light.
*************************************************************************************
The room was pitch black. Sam lay on a hard surface, wondering where the light had gone. She strained to hear something, anything. For a few seconds, she thought she was back in the computer....then she felt a hand in hers....followed by a second, outlining the contours of her face. Sam wanted to pull away, but her body wasn't responding to her commands. It was as if she couldn't remember how everything worked.
"This is better," a voice barely whispered. "You're OK, Sam, you're safe. There's nothing here to hurt you."
Arms surrounded her, enfolded her, smothered her. His mouth was by her ear, breathing the words.
"I'm here. Nothing's going to hurt you. We're just going to turn the lights up a little. Is that OK?"
She couldn't answer. He must have taken her silence as assent, because the room became slightly less black.
"That's right, Sam."
Something soft touched her face, a cloth wiping moisture from her mouth.
"Thor? How's she doing?"
"Major Carter is in no danger."
"Good."
Sam was thirsty. She wanted water more than anything else in the world. Opening her mouth, she attempted to voice her request.
"What? Sam what is it?"
No sound was coming out. However, much she tried, her lips refused to form any coherent words.
"You have to tell me, Sam."
She couldn't do it. Sam slumped down, her face pressing against the deck, unable to move. Gentle hands pulled her upright again. In the dim light, she could just about see the outlines of his face.
"OK, we'll do this another way. Are you hurting?"
Sam just stared at him, blankly.
"Is it the light? Me touching you? Are you hungry....thirsty?"
Opening her mouth, she tried to answer....he must have understood at some level, because he disappeared for a few seconds, returning with a cup of water. Holding it up to her lips, he helped her drink. Most of it dribbled down her front, but she managed to swallow a little.
"Better?" he asked.
She managed to make another incoherent sound. He wiped her mouth again, dabbing away the water she had spilt. Sam wanted to scream. This was worse than being trapped in that machine. She couldn't even communicate and she hated the fact that anyone had to see her like this.
"Just try to get some rest," he told her.
After laying her gently down, he placed his folded up shirt under her head. His footsteps moved away. Sam turned her head slightly. The low level of light allowed her to catch a glimpse of her face in the reflective surface at the base of the wall. It was barely recognisable. The weeks she had spent in the ICU had left her pale and gaunt. Her mouth hung slack, one side of her face twisted. As she watched, a thin trickle of saliva trailed down her chin.
How was she supposed to live like this? It was so degrading. How was she supposed to face her friends, her family?
*************************************************************************************
"I think you should bring her back here," was Janet's medical opinion.
Jack shook his head, "Thor says, she's OK."
"If you don't mind, Colonel, I'd like to make my own diagnosis."
"Be my guest, Doc. Grab what you need and Thor'll beam you up."
The doctor looked a little confused when she suddenly appeared on the Asguard ship. Her attention was instantly captivated by the view of Earth. Jack had to grab her shoulder to remind her why she was here,
"Sam...," he said.
"Right....that's some view."
"Yeah."
"Where is she?"
"This way."
He led her through the corridors of Thor's ship, into the darkened room where Sam was resting.
"Can you turn the lights up?" Janet asked.
"I don't know if that's a good idea," Jack replied, instinctively lowering his voice.
"Is she still sensitive to external stimulation?"
"Difficult to say. She doesn't seem to be responding much to anything at the moment."
Janet approached the other woman slowly, wary of inciting a violent reaction, but Sam didn't move. Jack stood back and let the doctor work. He was hoping it was something simple, that Sam's lack of communication had a tangible source. He wanted Janet to stand up with a smile on her face, and tell him that there was nothing a few days in bed and a little TLC couldn't cure. As the minutes ticked by, Jack felt his sense of foreboding increase.
"Janet?" he questioned.
"I'm not sure. Where's Thor? I need to know exactly what he's done."
"He's usually in that control room place."
"Watch her, I'll be back."
The doctor found the control room by trial and error. Sure enough the alien was there. His liquid black eyes met hers,
"The human mind is so unlike the Asguard, it is so fragile. I am afraid Major Carter is permanently damaged," he said.
It wasn't a question. He knew what he'd done. Janet felt an irrational surge of anger. Maybe this had been the only way to get Sam back in her body, but the price seemed a little too high from the doctor's perspective.
"So you're just going to leave her like that?" she demanded.
"I dare not interfere again. Major Carter may die," Thor replied.
"Sam wouldn't see it that way. She'd take the chance."
"But I will not. I am sorry for your loss."
His voice held infinite sorrow, and Janet got the feeling Thor was very fond of Major Carter. It lessened her own anger just a little.
"Don't give up yet. The human brain is more resilient than you realise. I don't know how much of Sam is left in there, but there may be something we can do."
"I will help in any way I can."
"Thank you."
"You will miss her."
"She's my best friend Thor."
"An interesting concept. I sense that your ability for compassion rivals our own."
"You sound like that's a bad thing?"
"It can be inconvenient."
"Look, I need to find out how extensive the damage is and for that Sam will have to come back with me."
"There is nothing...."
"Don't say it! "
Janet took a deep breath, quelling her anger.
"I'm sorry, Thor, but you've already said that the human brain is very different from yours. There may be some treatment that you simply haven't thought of."
Thor nodded his head, acknowledging the truth in her words, "Colonel O'Neill may not agree."
"Leave the Colonel to me."
Jack was where she'd left him, sitting by Sam, holding her hand. She paused in the doorway, listening to his monologue.
"Thor's ship is pretty cool, huh? I bet you can't wait to get better and start tearing into it. Probably wouldn't take you long to figure it all out....."
She'd watched him over the past few weeks. He'd spent every spare second crouched over the computer, talking to Sam. Ordering him away had done no good....he'd just snuck back when no one was looking. His dedication was admirable, and was causing Janet no little concern. Guilt, combined with his feelings for Sam were a very unhealthy combination.
*************************************************************************************
"I'm sorry, sir."
Jack looked like someone had just kicked him in the head.
"No way!" he said.
The reaction was inevitable. Janet hated to do this to him, but she didn't really have a choice.
"She should be with people who care about her," he finished.
"And who would that be, sir? I haven't been able to contact her brother and her father is God knows where!"
"We'll look after her."
By we, Jack was referring to himself.
"I don't think you understand. For the next few months, Sam is going to need constant attention. You'd have to do everything for her...and I do mean everything. This is in addition to physical therapy...."
"I can do that."
"No, you can't. It's not fair on you.....and it's not fair on Sam. She deserves the best care possible and for that she needs to be in hospital."
"General...."
The plea to Hammond was not unexpected....which was why Janet had briefed the General beforehand.
"I agree with Dr. Fraiser in this case," the general replied. "I'm sorry, Jack."
"It doesn't mean that you can't be a part of Sam's therapy. She's going to need the support of all her friends," Janet said.
"Friends...," Jack sneered.
The word was bitter.
"I know Major Carter means a great deal to you...." Hammond began, only to have Jack cut him off mid-sentence.
"She means everything to me! "
The general seemed a little shocked by the passion of the outburst, but Jack really didn't feel there was any point in hiding anymore. It wasn't like his admission was going to hurt Sam. If her condition didn't improve her career was effectively over.
"Son..." Hammond began.
"You don't get it, do you?"
"What?"
"If it wasn't for these damn regulations, I'd have the right to help Sam! Hell, we'd probably be married by now. She'd be my wife and you wouldn't be able to take her away from me!"
"Colonel O'Neill you are way out of line!"
"Yes I am...and you know what? I don't care."
Jack regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Despite outward appearances, he had a lot of respect for General Hammond. He sank down in his seat, covering his face with his hands. What was he doing? All that mattered here was Sam, not his bruised feelings. Jack raised his head.
"When do you plan on moving her?" he asked.
"Tomorrow morning," Janet replied.
"Then if you'll both excuse me..."
Hammond nodded. Jack shoved back his chair and walked out of the room. The general glanced a Fraiser, raising an eyebrow.
"Actually, that went better than I expected," Janet responded to the unasked question.
"I think I'll offer Colonel O'Neill some personal leave. He's going to be somewhat distracted for the next few weeks."
"And after that?"
"We'll see."
*************************************************************************************
Sam was somewhere else. One minute she had been on Thor's ship and the next...It was the infirmary. She was pretty certain. How much time had passed? Now that was more of a problem. It was difficult to mark the passing of the hours when there was no day or night.....when you couldn't move your head to look at the clock....when you couldn't ask anyone the time. Certainly, the nurses seemed to go through a set routine, but Sam couldn't be sure how regular they were. Not yet, she hadn't been here long enough....at least she didn't think so. Her mind seemed to be lucid only periodically. She didn't know what happened in the periods in between....whether she slept, went into a coma....she just didn't know.....and it was slowly driving her mad.
"Sam."
It was Jack's voice. More than anything in the world, Sam wanted to turn her head to look at him. She felt him take her hand. In all the times he had visited, this was the first time he'd touched her. What had changed?
"I've got some bad news," he went on. "Doc Fraiser's going to have you moved someplace else. She thinks they'll be able to help you better."
Sam felt panic well up in her chest. She didn't want to go anywhere, leave her friends. What was going to happen?
"Hey, don't worry. You're not going to get rid of me that easily. I'm going to be with you every step of the way...and maybe in a couple of months...."
His voice cracked.
"I am going to bring you home, Sam, that's a promise."
Jack's face appeared above her and Sam found herself staring directly into his eyes. He looked tired. Not just a case of missing a few nights sleep....a deep soul shaking weariness clouding his eyes and slowing his movements.
"Just get well again, major...and you can take that as an order."
Easier said than done. She remembered being on Thor's ship....if he couldn't help her, what chance did the human doctors have? She would spend the rest of her life in some hospital. Eventually, all her friends would forget about her. Even Jack would stop coming to visit, and that thought hurt most of all... His fingers ran through her hair, unconsciously pushing it straight. She must look bad if Jack was trying to do something about it.
He tenderly kissed her on the forehead, before moving out of sight again. Now that was new. Jack had never kissed her before. Something had happened....Sam was more convinced than ever.
"Sir?" Janet had entered the room.
"What?" Jack returned.
"Are you...?"
"No, I'm not......I thought we covered that."
"Sir..."
"No! You got what you wanted, so just leave it!"
"I didn't want this!"
She hated to hear her friends fighting. Sam had a pretty good idea of what must have happened. Janet wanted her moved, Jack didn't agree and had taken the decision to General Hammond. Clearly, the doctor had won the argument.
"Sir, she's my friend too."
"Then why are you doing this?"
"Because I have to."
It was Jack at his obtrusive best. He wasn't going to make this easy for Janet. Sam felt sorry for the other woman. Talking to Jack could be the same as ramming your head into a brick wall. She wished that she could tell him that it was okay. That she would go and he wasn't to worry. This was so damn frustrating. Jack was no more than a handsbreath away, yet she was unable to reach out and touch him. It was funny really. For the past few months, she had deliberately stopped herself having any kind of physical contact with Jack, and now, it was what she wanted most in the whole world.
Coming Next :
Finding the Light
Story Notes: E-MAIL : ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk
ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: Season 4, Entity
AUTHORS NOTES: This story isn't finished yet and will eventually be in three parts. Stories one and two are done, but part 3 is still a WIP. Each story should be complete in its own right. It's basically and AU of what might have happened if they hadn't been able to get Sam out of the computer in Entity. Merry Christmas!!
ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: Season 4, Entity
AUTHORS NOTES: This story isn't finished yet and will eventually be in three parts. Stories one and two are done, but part 3 is still a WIP. Each story should be complete in its own right. It's basically and AU of what might have happened if they hadn't been able to get Sam out of the computer in Entity. Merry Christmas!!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]