samandjack.net

Story Notes: E-MAIL : ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk

ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack

SPOILERS: Season 4, Entity

SEQUEL: A sequel to Voice in the Dark

AUTHORS NOTES: This story isn't finished yet and will eventually be in three parts. Stories one and two are done, but part 3 is still a WIP. Each story should be complete in its own right. It's basically and AU of what might have happened if they hadn't been able to get Sam out of the computer in Entity.


The visits were hard at first. In the hospital environment, Jack really found it difficult to interact with Sam. The unfamiliar surroundings were part of it....but he had the feeling that he wasn't doing any good. Sam seemed to be getting along just fine without him. He couldn't get to see her as often as he would have liked. His duties at the base kept him away for extended periods of time. Every time he had to be away, she seemed to improve.

The first time she moved her hand to touch his was the most profound experience he could recall.....including the birth of his son....In a strange kind of way, the events were similar. He was seeing Sam being reborn. Jack wanted to be there for her first steps, her first words.

On face value, the rehabilitation centre seemed pleasant enough. A large building surrounded by beautiful grounds, but as far as Jack was concerned it was still a hospital. He wanted her out of there as soon as was humanely possible. Sam always seemed genuinely pleased to see him. She'd give him a cute lopsided smile, and reach out her good hand. The chances were, one side of her body would always be affected. At first he'd had trouble getting the doctors to tell him anything. Since he wasn't Sam's husband, or long term partner, they had no reason to discuss her condition with him. It was Janet who had persuaded them that Jack was the nearest thing Sam had to family. He had been surprised, but had taken her intervention as the first step in rebuilding their friendship.

As summer faded into winter, Sam's condition continued to improve. She was working with her customary diligence and dedication. Her therapist was continually amazed by the rate of her progress, but Jack got the feeling Sam was getting a little frustrated by the pace they set. He came in one day to find her doing a routine test, picking out shapes and colours....the look she gave him was priceless. She was clearly telling him, without words, to get her away from these idiots.

Talking still seemed to be a bit of a problem. She could, but Jack had the feeling that she hated how her voice sounded. There were other things she didn't appear to like. She wouldn't look in a mirror. Jack hardly noticed the slight twist in her features, but he knew that it disturbed Sam....which was probably the reason she didn't want to take any interest in her appearance, although the nurses had offered to help her. Personally, Jack liked her longer hair, her face devoid of any make-up. It made her seem....he wasn't quite sure.....less like the woman who used to be his second in command. In some ways she was very childlike, Jack struggled sometimes, to remember that she was an adult.

The first snow had fallen, and it was almost Christmas. Jack had argued long and hard, and finally persuaded the hospital staff to release Sam into his care for the holiday season. It was Janet who had swung the deal, stating that she would monitor Sam's condition.

Jack was a little late. He and Janet had been decorating his house, trying to make the place look halfway presentable. This was going to be the best Christmas ever. Sam was all ready to go. She was sitting on her bed, looking a little anxious,

"Bet you thought I wasn't going to show?" Jack grinned as he picked up her bag.

She nodded and shrugged her shoulders.

"Hey, I wouldn't miss this for the world....." He bent close and placed a kiss on her cheek, "Happy Christmas, Sam."

Taking her hand, he led her out of her room, and back into the real world. He could tell Sam was happy. The second they were clear of the grounds, her face broke into the most beautiful smile.

"You like this, huh? It a great day, little cold maybe, but it looks like we're going to get a white Christmas. I invited a whole load of people over, I hope you don't mind."

Sam's hand snuck onto his leg, squeezing, slightly.

"It's only Danny and Teal'c, Janet, Cassie, General Hammond...oh...and he's going to see if he can persuade the Tok'ra to let Dad come for a visit."

Her nails dug into his thigh muscle.

"Hey! Sam, Jacob's been worried about you. I know he hasn't been able to visit, but he's been kinda busy."

That excuse clearly didn't impress her. Jack had the feeling she'd heard it all before....for most of her life. Whichever way you painted it, Jacob should really have made the time to see his daughter. She needed so much support, now more than ever.

"Look if it gets too heavy, we'll split up to Minnesota, deal?"

Sam nodded.

"I was thinking about going up there for New Years anyway. It'll be a little cold but the views are worth it. And once the fire's lit you'll hardly notice."

She smiled at him, clearly pleased with the image he was painting. Jack gripped her hand, holding it tightly as he drove.

*************************************************************************************

"Is Sam going to be....you know....OK?" Cassandra asked.

"She's still sick. We're all going to have to be very patient," Janet replied.

"Do I have to see her?"

"Yes you do. She's looking forward to it."

That wasn't entirely true. Nobody could really say what Sam was thinking most of the time. Janet had never realised how much her friendship with Sam depended on the power of speech. Cassandra wasn't the only one who was going to find this difficult. Certainly, Janet had visited Sam at the rehab. centre, but that had been in a professional capacity. She hadn't had much luck with interaction on a more personal level. No one had....unless you counted Colonel O'Neill, but Janet had the feeling his success was more a product of wishful thinking.

She hoped that this visit was going to be good for Sam. A little touch of reality could work wonders....assuming that Colonel O'Neill could be persuaded to leave her side for a few seconds. The problems would arise if he insisted on doing everything for her.

"You ready?" Janet asked.

"I guess," Cassandra answered.

"Honey, she's still Sam, and she still loves you very much. That's all you have to remember."

Cassandra still didn't appear convinced, but there was no spare time for discussion. Janet had promised Jack that they'd be at his house when Sam arrived and if this carried on for much longer they'd be late.....which wouldn't be a great welcome home. The colonel was insistent that everything be perfect.

They arrived at the colonel's house just as his truck was pulling up. He waved as he jumped out. There was a glimpse of blonde hair in the passenger seat, and a pair of very blue eyes looked out. Jack wasted no time in jogging around and helping Sam out.

Cassandra tensed, grabbing Janet's hand. The difference in Sam's appearance was clear to anyone. It wasn't just her longer hair. Having visited at the hospital, Janet was a little more immune to the impact, even so...out here in normal surroundings it was a little disturbing. For a start, Sam had lost a lot of weight and muscle tone. The shapeless clothes she wore did
nothing to hide that fact. She was gaunt, there was no other way to describe it. Add that to the fact that one side of her body was still less mobile than the other...it was heart breaking to watch the once vibrant woman limp towards them. Janet kept a firm grip on Cassandra's hand, stopping the girl from taking a step backwards.

Sam stopped in front of them, holding out her arms. Janet held her breath, wondering was Cassie was going to do. Luckily, the earlier lecture must have had some affect, because the teenager moved forward and accepted Sam's hug. So far so good. They could only hope that the rest of the visit would go as well. There had to be so much going on in Sam's head, it was only a matter of time before the damn burst...if only she would talk to someone. Janet found her continued silence very frustrating. Not even Jack seemed to be having any success on that score. The reason was psychological, not physical.

"I've got the guest room made up, if you wanna come see," Jack interrupted.

"Can I take her?" Cassie asked.

"If you want, Sam?"

Sam nodded and let Cassandra lead her away.

"So?" Janet asked as soon as they were alone.

"No problems. I told you it'd be OK."

He grinned and went into the house. Janet followed a little more slowly. She couldn't help feeling that this was all going a little too smoothly. Sam had been away a long time, and there had been changes. How she dealt with those was probably going to set the pace of her continued recovery.

*************************************************************************************

Sam sat on the bed in Jack's guest room feeling decidedly out of place. The homecoming wasn't turning out quite like she expected. For a start, she hadn't realised that Janet was going to be hanging around quite so long. Oh it was great to see Cassie, but Sam had been looking forward to spending some time with her other friends. From what Jack said, they'd be here
tomorrow....Christmas.

She was supposed to be excited. As a child she had loved Christmas, it had been the one time her family had seemed to come together. After her mother died, everything had changed....and Sam had learnt to hate the holiday season, but there was no way that Jack could know that. He was just trying to make everything perfect. Tomorrow, she'd wake up and there'd be a tree in the living room, presents, turkey....and Sam would have to pretend to enjoy herself. If she didn't Janet would probably ship her straight back to the rehab centre.

To say that Sam was resentful, was probably an understatement. She'd hated every second she'd had to spend in that place and, quite frankly, she blamed Janet for the whole ordeal. Sam had been in a lot of jails in her time, but this had been the only one that had been legitimate. The walls had seemed higher every time Jack had taken her out into the grounds. Every time he had left, she'd wanted to run after him...not that Sam was capable of running anywhere. But she was getting better. The very thought of getting out of that place had been enough to spur her on.

There was a knock on the door and Sam quickly scrambled under the sheets. According to Janet, she was supposed to be tired and needed rest...

"Hi," the doctor smiled as she stuck her head around the door.

Sam waved back.

"I brought your medication."

Drug time, Sam held out her hand and let Janet give her a fistful of pills. Lots of nice pretty colours, all designed to keep her happy and pliable. She was sorely tempted to throw the whole lot out of the window, but Janet was watching her like a hawk.

"OK...that's good, Sam. Now go to sleep and I'll see you in the morning. I know Jack's got all kinds of fun stuff planned for tomorrow."

Great, someone else who was treating her like an idiot....maybe it was just part Janet's bedside manner, but it was really annoying. Sam lay back and closed her eyes. This bed felt very strange. It was softer than the one at the hospital, and she had a quilt rather than sheets and blankets. From the feel of the pillows, Sam guessed that they must be new. She should have been comfortable, but she wasn't. The silence of the darkened room was disconcerting. In the hospital there was always something going on....a light under the door, footsteps in the corridor beyond. For some reason that was more comforting than the current lack of stimulation.

Before long she found herself climbing out of bed again. Padding out into the hall, she started towards the kitchen. Getting herself another glass of water was a good excuse if she was caught...and she might be able to spend a little time with Jack.

As she approached the front door, Sam caught the sound of voices. She halted just out of sight, straining to listen.

"I'm going to take Cassie home," Janet was saying. "Do you want me to come back later?"

"Better not," Jack replied.

"You have to tell her, Jack."

"I will...promise."

Tell her what? Sam peeked around the corner to see Jack and Janet standing in the doorway.

"Goodnight," Jack said.

"See you tomorrow," Janet replied, reaching up and kissing Jack on the cheek.

Sam darted back out of view. She lent heavily against the wall, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. Janet was moving in on Jack....? Or maybe she had already? The very thought of the two of them together made Sam feel slightly sick. How could this have happened? Just because she had been out of it for a while, Jack had gone running to the first warm bed. When she
thought about it, Sam wasn't really surprised....it was Edora all over again. Still, Jack hadn't gone back to Laira, so maybe the situation wasn't irreconcilable. All it had taken was a few late night conversations, the occasional affectionate touch, smile, laugh....

Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself upright. Sam Carter had never run away from a fight and she wasn't about to start now. Any advantage Janet might have was temporary at best. Limping forwards, Sam headed for the kitchen, she still wanted that glass of water. As she had suspected, Jack was there, loading the dishwasher.

"Hey," he grinned, "something wrong?"

Sam reached for a clean glass.

"Let me get that," he offered.

She shook her head, and very carefully, filled the glass herself. For some reason, the action made Jack laugh. She sent him a mock glare.

"Right, dumb move. I guess I'm trying to get used to the fact that you're home now."

Home. She liked the sound of that.

"I mean it Sam. My house, your house and all that good stuff.....but Janet'll still have my hide if you over exert yourself. Why don't you get some sleep?"

Sam put her glass down before using her good hand to hit him.

"OW!!! OK, OK! I'm going to watch TV for a while, you comin'?"

She picked up her glass again and followed Jack into the den. They settled themselves on the couch, Sam curled up so she wasn't quite touching him.....not quite....He had a bottle of beer, which she automatically reached for. Jack quickly pulled it out of her hand.

"No way, not when you're on medication....."

Sam pouted at him.

"And it's no good batting those baby blues, they aren't going to get you anywhere.....gorgeous though they may be.....OK just a sip."

Appropriating Jack's beer, gave Sam the excuse she needed to rest her head on his shoulder. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he appeared to like it, judging by the way he slipped his arm about her shoulders.

*************************************************************************************

Jack crept into Sam's room in the early hours of the morning, a bag of presents in his hand. Yes, it was childish, but he didn't care. The fact that he was wearing a Santa hat was probably why Sam broke into fits of laugher when she awoke and saw him. The sound of her laughter warmed his heart. It was the first time he had heard her make any kind of noise since Thor had put her mind back into her body. He couldn't stop himself laughing along with her.

"So you want to see what you got?" he asked.

She opened the bag and pulled out the first gift.

"That's from Cassie," he explained.

Sam nodded and started ripping into the wrapping paper. Jack was tempted to help her, but he knew what response he'd get. Besides, watching someone else open presents was kind of fun, even if he did know what was in each and every one. He had bought all of Sam's gifts. No one else had been able to find the time, and Jack had wanted to make certain that everything was
special. To be fair there had been an emergency and he had been the only one on downtime. Since he hadn't been able to get onto the base, he had gone shopping.

"This is from me," he said, after she had opened everything else.

There were two boxes, one large and heavy, the other smaller....Sam opened the small one first. She gave a gasp as she peaked inside the jewellery box. Her first instinct was to shove the gift back at him, but Jack wouldn't let her. He knew she thought he was slightly insane to have bought her something so expensive. Despite her protests, Jack took the necklace out of the box and fastened it about her neck. Her fingers reached up to touch the stone that glittered at her throat.

"Take a look in the mirror," he coaxed.

Sam held back. She really didn't like to look at herself. Ignoring him, she turned her attention to the largest parcel. He had to stop her from shaking it....which made her even more curious.

"I thought you could use when you go back to the hospital, send me e-mail, write a book....or whatever."

Jack couldn't quite read the expression on her face. He knew she hadn't touched a computer in the last six months, so buying her a laptop was taking a chance. She did look a little dubious, but she flipped open the lid and hit the on switch. After the system had booted, Sam typed a few words and turned the screen around so that Jack could see it.

THANK YOU

"You're welcome," he grinned. "Hungry?"

Nodding, Sam scrambled out of bed.

"Are you going to take that off?" he gestured towards her necklace.

Sam shook her head, placing a protective hand over her diamond, but it did look kind of cute with her flannel pyjamas.

He tried to get Sam to rest after they had eaten, but she would have none of it. She took a shower and got herself dressed, eschewing all offers of help. Dressed in black pants and a red sweater, her hair hanging damply about her shoulders, Jack could already see the changes that had come about since he had bought her home. She seemed more relaxed....in his company at least. The real test would come during the afternoon, when everyone else turned up. How Sam dealt with her other friends would probably dictate her continued recovery. She was going to need every one of them before she could truly reintegrate herself.

"You wanna help with dinner?" he asked.

Sam shook her head, giving him a mock horrified expression. Probably just as well. Cooking had never been Sam's thing and Jack didn't particularly want his guests to go down with food poisoning. While he suffered in the kitchen, she sat by the fire, playing with her new toy. He looked in on her occasionally, pleased to note her total concentration on what she was doing.
She could only type with hand, but that didn't really seem to be slowing her down. Jack knew Sam had lacked intellectual stimulation over the past few months, and it looked as if she was making up for lost time. She was still at it, several hours later, when the doorbell rang.

Jack was struggling with the turkey, which seemed to have swelled to the size of a small house.

"Hey, Sam could you get that!" he yelled out.

The bell rang again.

"Sam!"

After burning himself, then swearing, Jack managed to get the turkey back into the oven, and jogged through to the den. Sam was where he'd left her, completely oblivious. He was immediately suspicious. His voice had been loud enough......the old Sam would never have deliberately ignored an order.

"Sam, the door?" he said.

She looked at him, fear evident in her eyes.

"C'mon," Jack offered, "we'll do it together."

He gave Sam his hand and helped her to her feet.

"It'll be okay. You look great, I look great, the food is....well...as great as can be expected. We're going to have fun."

*************************************************************************************

"What was the delay?" Janet asked as she stepped through the door.

"Turkey crisis," Jack replied.

She'd been waiting outside, in the snow, for at least ten minutes. Jack had eventually opened the door, but Janet didn't fail to notice that Sam's hand was firmly held in his.

"Hi Sam!" Cassie smiled. "Thanks for the Gameboy."

Sam cast a look in Jack's direction, who just grinned.

"Hey, you bring dessert?" he asked.

"As ordered," Janet heard herself answer.

"You can come in then."

Arms full of groceries, Janet followed Jack through to the kitchen, while Sam and Cassie disappeared into the den.

"Is Sam OK?" she asked, dumping her bags on the counter.

"She's great," Jack replied. "Better than I expected."

"Then why the delay at the door?"

Jack's guilty expression said it all.

"Diamonds? What were you thinking?"

"I just thought she needed a little pick me up. She has to know that we all still care about her."

"Doing everything for her isn't going to help."

"Trust me, Sam is more than capable of doing things for herself. She's really trying."

"Is she talking?"

"Not yet....but she laughed at my Santa hat."

The discussion was rapidly degenerating into a full blown argument. Janet took a deep breath. She and Jack would never agree on what was best for Sam. He tended to view the situation through the rose tinted glasses of his affection. Janet saw a woman who was still deeply affected by her experiences....someone who would probably never fully recover. But it was an old argument, one that was not going to be resolved on Christmas day.

"She's just a little nervous, you know," he went on. "this is hard for her."

"It's hard for all of us."

Jack nodded, on that were agreed. He had to admit that he was glad to have someone here he could actually talk to. The one sided conversations he was having with Sam were wearing him down. Although he suspected it would have been even more difficult without their natural rapport. He usually had a pretty good idea of what she was thinking.

Leaving Jack to finish dinner, Janet wandered into the den to see Sam and Cassie bent over a laptop computer.

"Hey," she announced her presence.

"Hey, Mom...look what Jack got Sam."

"Very nice."

Janet frowned to herself. Jack had certainly pushed the boat out when it came to Sam's presents. He must have spent a couple of thousand dollars. What was he trying to do? Everyone felt guilty about what had happened, but Jack seemed to be taking it to extremes. Sam was happy though....which was what today was all about after all.

"Someone get the door!" Jack yelled as the bell rang again.

He was clearly suffering in the kitchen. Janet looked at Sam and they couldn't stop themselves giggling.

"For cryin' out loud!"

Jack emerged, shaking his head when he saw the pair of them laughing....He went to open the door.

*************************************************************************************

"So how are you really?" Jacob asked his daughter.

Sam shrugged, wishing that her father would just go away. She had stepped out into the kitchen to get herself some more juice, not realising that anyone had followed. The day was starting to take it's toll and she wanted nothing more than to be alone for a few moments. Her father had other ideas. If he was looking for a little quality time he could go.....

"Well you look.... like hell if I'm honest," he finished. "Who got you the necklace?"

She felt herself blush and instinctively looked in Jack's direction.

"Ah...I should have guessed, that boy never did have any sense when it came to you. I guess all this proves it...."

Sam turned away, a little angry at her father's words. Jacob caught her by the shoulders, stopping her from walking away.

"What I'm trying to say is....the two of you finally have a chance. Don't waste it."

The speech wasn't something she'd ever expected to hear from her father. He approved of Jack, which was wonderful, but Sam couldn't help worrying about the future. How functional she was going to be was still open to debate. She didn't want to burden Jack with an invalid.... In a move that was almost uncharacteristic, Sam stepped forward into her father's arms. She wanted to let him know that she appreciated his words. It had been a long time since Jacob had hugged her this way....not since she had been a small child. She had forgotten how comforting her father could be.....when he wasn't being a pain in the butt. Sam almost forgave him for not visiting her in hospital.

"The Tok'ra high council wanted me to pass on a message," he went on as they broke the embrace.

She tilted her head to one side, raising her eyebrow.

"They're offering you a symbiont, Sam," Jacob finished. "You should think about it....it might...well...help you."

It was impossible to express the disgust she felt with a simple expression, so Sam did the only other thing she could think of. For the first time in her life, she raised her hand against her father. His head snapped back from the force of the slap. She may have not been up to full strength, but her anger at his suggestion was enough to make sure that she got her message
across.

"Sam!" her father exclaimed.

She backed herself into a corner, ready to strike out again.

"No one's going to force you, but you have to face facts Sam. You can't live out the rest of your life like this! What are you going to do? Your career is effectively over....."

"What the hell's going on in here?"

Jacob's voice had carried and Jack had wandered into the kitchen to find out what the problem was. One look at Sam told him that she was in a highly agitated state. The red mark on Jacob's face was further evidence.

"Jack....I think you'd better call Dr. Fraiser," Jacob replied.

"Why?"

However, the doctor had followed Jack into the kitchen and heard Jacob's comment.

"I'll get her a sedative," the doctor said.

"Wait a second!" Jack protested. "What the hell did you say to her?"

"I just passed the message you were supposed to!" Jacob snapped back. "And she freaked."

"Colonel, let me get to my patient," Janet interrupted, having returned with a syringe.

"I want to know what he said to her. Sam was fine...."

"Really? Look at her Jack....and tell me what you see?"

Jack turned his attention to Sam, but all he saw was a woman who was very angry about something.

"So she's pissed off with you.....that isn't exactly new!"

"This isn't good for her Jack," Janet interrupted. "Let me give her the sedative."

Sam backed further away, trying to merge herself with the kitchen cupboards. She couldn't say what was wrong, so Jack had to rely on his instincts.... which were telling him that the last thing Sam wanted was a sedative. If he let Janet do this, he was completely betraying Sam's trust.

"Look, why don't you both go back into the other room," he suggested. "Let Sam calm down by herself."

"Jack...." Janet protested.

"Just go, OK. Eat turkey, drink eggnog....whatever."

They left, albeit reluctantly. Jack took a deep breath and moved slowly towards Sam. She nodded at him, letting him know that she was okay.

"You going to join us?"

Sam shook her head. He squeezed her hand before leaving, showing that he understood. She was grateful to him. If it hadn't been for Jack, she would have been out of her head on drugs by now. They wanted to keep her that way....She couldn't believe that Jacob had thought she was even consider becoming a host again. He clearly hated the way she was now....everyone did. They couldn't accept the changes that had taken place, which made it harder for her to. She knew she had problems, she knew she was going to find it difficult...but the last thing she needed was reminding. Her role in life was going to be different, but she still had a brain. She could still be useful....couldn't she?

There was so much she had to prove, and the effort was wearing her down. That was probably the reason she had reacted so violently to her father's suggestion. She had so much to prove, not least to the people who were meant to be her friends. The only way to do that was to show she was perfectly capable of functioning in society....so she had to go back in there. Pulling
herself upright, head held high, she left the relative safety of the kitchen.

Everyone left early. A lot of excuses were made, but Jack knew that Sam's little outburst was the real reason. No one really felt comfortable with wondering what she was going to do next, whether she was going to over react to a simple comment. Jack would have given anything to find out exactly what Jacob had said to her. Janet was the last to leave. Cassie waited in the car
while she shared a few final words with Jack.

"This will happen again," she told him. "When Sam can't communicate, her instinct seems to be to lash out. You'll have to be careful."

"She's been okay with me," Jack argued.

"For now. I've left the sedatives in the bathroom, just in case."

"Janet...."

"Jack, you have to face facts. Sam may spend the rest of her life in an institution."

"So you keep reminding me."

"I'm just trying to say....look after yourself. Goodnight."

"'night."

He sighed. They'd had this conversation many times. It was Janet's way of cushioning him against the inevitable. Sam was further away from him now than she'd ever been. If he allowed himself to get too emotionally involved it was going to make it harder to let her go when the inevitable happened. He hated to think that Sam was doomed to spend the rest of her life in
medical care. Very slowly, he turned and went back into the house.

Sam was in the den, sitting in front of the fire. He watched her for a few seconds. Here, alone, in the silence, you wouldn't have thought there was anything wrong with her.

"Hey," he said, quietly. "Everyone's gone."

She reached out her hand, urging him to sit with her. Jack did as she wanted, unable to stop himself.

"I'm sorry if today was hard for you. It'll be easier next time....."

Her fingers made contact with his lips, stopping him from talking. She didn't want conversation right now. Which made him wonder exactly what she did expect from him. As the silence stretched between them he got the crazy idea that she was trying to show him the world from her perspective....one where the only way to communicate was by facial expression, touch, body
language. He instinctively moved closer to her, bringing her to lean against him. As he did so, Sam turned her face towards his, brushing his lips with her own.

Without meaning to, Jack leaned into the kiss. He just couldn't help himself. Her lips felt a little dry, hesitant. It was costing her a lot to do this and Jack felt really bad when he forced himself to pull away.

"This isn't a good idea," he whispered. "It's not that I don't want to....but you have to go back soon, and I don't want to make it harder....for either of us."

Sam shook her head.

"Sam, I wish it wasn't true."

She pulled away, climbing unsteadily to her feet. It almost broke his heart to watch her limp away from him. Jack swore to himself. He wanted to go after her, but wondered if she wasn't better off working this out for herself. In the end his compassion won out and he found himself knocking on her bedroom door. Eventually, Sam opened it.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out.

Sam nodded and shut the door again. Great. She didn't want to see him again tonight. Jack sighed to himself, he could hardly blame her. He'd acted like a jerk. He shouldn't have put himself in that position. Janet had warned him and he'd still walked into it with his eyes open. Now Sam wasn't 'talking' to him and he felt like crap. This wasn't working out very well and Jack wasn't certain how he could fix the problem, what Sam wanted from him. She had never been dependent on anyone, so he was pretty certain it wasn't that.

She continued to occupy his mind as he set about clearing up the mess his guests had left. It was still early, and he couldn't even begin to think about going to bed. Eventually, he found himself climbing up to the roof to watch the stars. In a perfect world Sam would have joined him....Cursing to himself, he hurried back into the house, determined to make up with her. The
bedroom light was still on, so he assumed she was awake. However, knocking on the door brought no response, so he pushed it open. He allowed a smile to touch his lips when he saw Sam.

Despite the light left on, Sam was quite definitely asleep. Curled up on her bed, in her flannel pyjamas. She was still wearing the necklace he had given her, which gave him some hope. He was loathed to disturb her. Bending close, he brushed a kiss on her forehead. He tucked the quilt more securely around her shoulders and turned the light out. Sam shifted in the darkness, curling into a more comfortable position. It was all Jack could do to stop himself climbing into bed beside her. She just looked so adorable. He stood there, watching her sleep, unable to tear himself away. There was a certain innocence about her....and Jack knew that Samantha Carter was far from innocent. She was like a child. A child, with the strength and
experience of the woman he cared about.....a lot more than anyone thought he was supposed to.

*************************************************************************************

Sam lingered in bed the following morning. She didn't particularly want to face Jack....she'd made enough of a fool of herself. But staying in here all day probably wasn't an option....however much she would like to. She was convinced that any sign of unreasonable behaviour would result in her being shipped out of here and she didn't want that.

Dragging herself out of bed, she headed towards the bathroom. She could hear voices in another part of the house. Jack had visitors and Sam was willing to bet good money that it was Janet. Another reason to carry on as if nothing had happened....otherwise she was going to find herself on the wrong side of a needle in the butt.

For the first time in a long while, Sam made a point of looking in the mirror after she'd taken her shower. The first thing she noticed was the fact her hair really needed some attention. Not just cutting....a little dye wouldn't go amiss. She was a natural blonde, but she'd always given her hair a little help, especially during the winter months. Her attention then turned to her face. It had always been pale, but it now held no colour at all. A legacy of spending too much time away from the sun. The signs of damage were still there. She could see the way her features had been affected by the Asgard procedure. It was no wonder Jack had pulled away.
Maybe a little make-up.....Except she didn't have any. This was futile. If Jack didn't like what he saw too bad.

That decision made, Sam made her way back to her room and pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She struggled a little with her jeans, but eventually managed the button fly. Feeling hungry, she headed towards the kitchen, hoping Jack still had the coffee on. As she had suspected, Janet was there....clearly unable to leave them alone.

"Good morning," Jack smiled, "sleep well?"

Sam nodded and went to help herself to coffee.

"We were just talking about New Years," Janet went on.

"You still up for a trip to Minnesota?"

Janet didn't seem too enthusiastic about the idea....which made it seem doubly attractive, so Sam gave Jack a smile. He grinned back, completely oblivious to the look Janet gave him.

"I'm not sure it's such a good idea. I don't think Sam's doctors would be too pleased to know she was going so far away," Janet protested.

"It's just for a couple of days....before...."

"Before she has to go back."

"Not going back."

The words had come from nowhere, Sam wasn't certain how, or why. Her voice sounded strange, slurred, ugly....

"Wh....What?" Jack stammered.

She didn't reply. Feeling embarrassed, she turned her attention back to her coffee.

"Sam, what did you say?" Janet asked.

Taking a deep breath, Sam repeated herself.

"Not going back."

"Did you understand what she said?" Janet said to Jack.

"Yeah, she doesn't want to go back," he replied.

"That's what I thought. Sam, you have to."

"No she doesn't. If it's not what she wants....she can stay here as long as she wants."

"We've talked about this."

"And I made the wrong decision."

"At least speak to the specialists."

"We will....after we get back from Minnesota."

Jack was getting defensive and Janet knew it was time to back off.

"Just take a cell phone with you," she said.

"Okay, okay... enough. We'll be fine."

The smile Sam and Jack shared said everything. Janet knew that there was no power on Earth that would keep them apart at this moment. Maybe coming home was the best thing for Sam. The fact that she had communicated that wish made Janet a lot happier about the situation. Jack certainly wanted her here. She could only hope that the bubble wouldn't burst anytime soon.

She looked at them now, sharing some unspoken joke. Janet couldn't help feeling a little jealous. She and Jack had spent a great deal of time together over the past six months, and she had begun to appreciate the reasons Sam found him so attractive. Now, she was back to being the doctor and not the friend. It didn't help, that she was forced to play devil's advocate. Not that she wanted to deny Sam and Jack their happiness....she just felt a little wistful.

"I thought we'd fly up tomorrow. We can hire a car, pick up some supplies...." Jack was saying.

Sam had reached out to take his hand, grinning enthusiastically. Janet knew it was time to go. She pushed back her chair and picked up her purse.

"Have a good time....and call me when you get back," she forced a smile.

"Yeah. Thanks Janet," Jack replied.

Sam seemed uncomfortable on the flight up to Minnesota. She didn't like being around so many strangers. Jack didn't comment. He knew it was something she was going to have to get used to. She held his hand for most of the flight...making it slightly difficult to eat his sky deli meal. The hostess had unnerved her a little by asking for clarification of her drinks
preference. Jack had resisted the temptation to answer for her. Janet's words of advice had hit home, despite what the doctor might think. Sure Sam's voice was a little indistinct, but if you took the trouble to listen.... He also knew that she very conscious of the slight disfigurement. She'd taken to brushing her hair over one side of her face. Jack thought it looked kind of cute.

He was determined Sam was going to enjoy herself. They were finally going to be able to spend some time alone. As far as Jack was concerned they were simply picking up where they had left off so many months ago....with one important difference. Sam had actually agreed to go fishing with him. So they wouldn't be fishing per se....with the lake being frozen and all.

They hired a four by four at the airport. Although most of the roads were still passable, Jack didn't want to take any chances. As soon as they got onto the open road, Sam asked to drive. He was a little hesitant, but while the going was clear, he realised he had to let her try. Being able to drive would give her a certain amount of independence, he just wished that she had chosen a slightly better time. He was tense for the first half an hour, but he soon realised Sam had no problems handling the automatic transmission. She seemed to be enjoying herself.....even when she was swearing at a passing motorist. Jack took over for the last part of the journey. It had gotten dark and the roads became progressively narrower. Sam was staring out of the window.....trying to catch a glimpse of the surrounding scenery.

"We're here," he announced eventually, pulling up in front of the cabin.

Sam grinned at him. She climbed out of the car, walking down to the lake while Jack got their bags out of the trunk. The night air was cold and he hurried to open up the cabin to get the fire lit and kick the generator into life. He went to find Sam after he had accomplished both tasks. She was still standing by the lake, caught up in the glory of the winter night.

"Beautiful," she breathed.

"Told ya......C'mon, I've got the fire started."

He took her cold hand in his and led her inside. She was just as enchanted by the interior of the cabin. He'd removed all the dust covers to reveal a couch and a couple of comfortable looking armchairs. The floors were wooden, with rugs scattered at strategic intervals...a legacy of his grandmother. His mother's paintings decorated the walls. In some ways, this place was more of a home than any house he had ever lived in. It was one of the reasons he had wanted Sam to see it.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"Starving," Sam replied.

It would have to be sandwiches. All the kitchen had to offer was a wood burning stove, which would take a while to heat up. He wasn't going to tackle that task until morning......Not to mention the stack of wood that needed attention. They ate huddled up in front of the fire. Despite Jack's assurances, it was cold up here. If it meant getting closer to Sam, he didn't think it was much of a problem.

"The bedroom's through there," he told her when he noticed her yawning. "I lit the fire."

"Only one bed?" she asked.

"It's okay, the couch pulls out."

"Really?"

"What? Did you think Teal'c and I got up close and personal?"

Sam giggled. Her laughter was the most beautiful sound. Jack had missed it a lot during the long silent months. She departed to the bedroom, leaving Jack feeling strangely bereft. He never really expected them to share the bed, but he couldn't think of anything nicer than snuggling up to Sam on a long winter night. The only warm memory he had of Antarctica was the one night he had spent with her by his side. She'd fitted against him so perfectly. It was as if her body was made for his.

He checked on her before he turned in himself, just to make sure she was warm enough. She certainly seemed to be, as she smiled at him from beneath the comforter.

"There's more wood for the fire, if you need it. I'll just be next door," he said. "Probably freezing my ass off..."

Jack didn't know what prompted him to add that last comment. She just looked so warm and comfortable. Judging by the way she rolled her eyes, Sam knew exactly what was on his mind. Her next action, however, was totally unexpected. Still keeping eye contact, she drew back one side of the quilt, offering him the other side of the bed.

The temptation was more than Jack could handle. In record time, he stripped to his boxers and dived under the covers.

"Comfortable?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," he replied, warming his cold nose on the skin at the nape of her neck. Sam tried to squirm away from the unpleasant sensation, but Jack wrapped his arms securely around her.

She reached out her hand and clicked the light off.

"'night," he mumbled.

"'night," Sam returned.

*************************************************************************************

Sam woke to the sweetness of another body pressed close against her own. Jack was still asleep, his breathing deep and even. Sam didn't want to move, she didn't want to risk shattering this moment of peace. For a few minutes, she could lie back and truly forget what was wrong with her.

Jack snorted, awakening with a start. Sam watched the expressions play over his face as he gradually realised where he was. The smile was truly beautiful to behold.

"You don't know how long I've dreamt about waking up beside you," he whispered, brushing a lock of hair from her face.

"Me too," Sam replied.....moving the hair back.

"Don't do that. I want to look at you."

But Sam turned her face out of his reach. He may have wanted to look at her, but Sam didn't really want him to. The fact that they were sharing this bed raised another point. It wouldn't be too much longer before he wanted to share more. The very thought made her nervous. She wanted everything to perfect for their first time....and her body was anything but.

"Stay where you are," he told her, "I'll put the coffee on."

She was more than happy to follow his advice. Watching as Jack pulled on some clothes and hurried out of the bedroom. He was back a few minutes later, two mugs in his hand. She took her coffee from him, giving Jack the chance to crawl back under the covers.

"I lit the stove," he told her. "We can have breakfast in a couple of hours.....sorry."

"'s okay."

They cuddled back together, sipping coffee, waiting for the stove to heat up. It was no problem really. There wasn't anything more pressing for them to do. Jack did venture out to light the fire in the bedroom, but only to give her enough warmth to consider getting dressed. Having a shower was out of the question for the time being, but Jack assured her there would be warm
water eventually. Sam didn't really mind. Spending time alone with Jack was all she really wanted from this vacation.

"You know, I'm glad we finally got up here," he smiled.

"Me too."

Sam cuddled up to him, showing him what her words could not. They dozed for an hour or more, until Jack finally decided it was time to make breakfast. He seemed so at home here. Sam had always thought that he would have been at a loss without the television, pizza delivery.....all the trappings of a modern existence. Being here was bringing out a side of him she had never
suspected existed. He'd always protested that he wasn't a cook, but the breakfast he served was the best she'd ever had. The bacon and eggs were cooked to a turn....and he'd managed to make toast without burning it....something that Sam wasn't capable of.

They ventured outside after breakfast. New snow had fallen and they had the pleasure of being the first people to break the surface. Jack led her out onto the frozen lake, slipping and sliding as he attempted to keep her upright. They laughed so much, Sam thought they would never stop. The short winter day eventually drove them inside....to sit before a roaring fire,
eating the simple food Jack could prepare so well. He'd also secreted a bottle of wine in their supplies, which they drank with their meal. Sam really didn't want this time to end. It was too perfect.

There was no hesitation that night. Jack knew he had permission to share her bed. He was waiting for her, when she'd finished in the bathroom. Even shifting over, so she had the warm side of the bed. She snuggled up to him,

"Remember Antarctica?" he grinned.

"Yes."

"I don't have broken ribs this time."

Sam giggled as she moved even closer.

"I didn't give you permission to giggle."

"Can't order me anymore."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah...."

"Well...if you like giggling so much...."

The next thing Sam knew she was flat on her back and Jack's fingers were digging into her ribs. Within seconds she was gasping for breath. He was laughing almost as hard as she was. Sam couldn't believe how different he looked. For the first time since they had met, the shadow in his eyes had lessened, just a little. She was proud that it was a result of their growing affection. If she had known it would be like this, she would have got herself transferred years ago. As they both calmed down, Jack gathered her back into his arms.

They went into town the next day. Their supplies were running a little low. Mostly because Sam had suddenly gotten her appetite back and was happily eating anything she could lay her hands on. Consequently, they also stopped for lunch. The diner was small and it seemed like everyone in town was packed inside. Their entrance didn't go unnoticed. The populace was small enough that any strangers caused a minor sensation. It wasn't just her they were staring at.....at least that's what Sam kept telling herself. She wondered how long it would be until she felt comfortable in crowds of people. The feeling of alienation were only exaggerated when Jack excused himself so he could visit the bathroom.

She found herself studying the menu intensely, trying to sink into her seat. Unfortunately, the waitress was more efficient than she bargained for.

"Ready to order?" the woman asked.

"Uh....," Sam began, looking around for Jack. He was nowhere in sight. She was going to have to do this for herself.

"You want me to come back?"

It would be easy to let the woman go away, thus avoiding the situation....but Sam wasn't about to back down. Clearing her throat, Sam spoke as clearly as she could....

"Two diet sodas, a burger with everything, a club sandwich......and fries."

"Sorry, was that a club sandwich?"

"Please."

"Fries?"

"Yes."

"How do you want the burger?"

"Rare."

"You got it."

The waitress grinned and left to place the order......leaving Sam to breath a sigh of relief. That hadn't been too hard. Typically, Jack chose that moment to slide back into his seat. One look at his face told Sam that he'd witnessed the whole thing.

"You got me a diet soda?" he grinned.

"I panicked....anyway it tastes better," Sam replied.

"You go girl."

"Hey Jack," the waitress smiled as she came back with their drinks.

"Doreen," he grinned back.

"We haven't seen you up here for a while. How's Murray?"

"He's good."

"You know I've always had a thing about the strong silent type. "

"I'll be sure and remind him."

"Be back in a second."

Jack leaned back in his seat, grinning at Sam.

"She's been here since I used to bring Sara and Charlie," he explained.

"You brought them a lot?"

"Yeah. Charlie loved fishing."

He had that far away look in his eyes, remembering the happy years with his wife and son. Sam felt herself retreat from him, envying all the moments he had spent with his family. Jack noticed her disquiet and reached over to take her hand.

"That was a long time ago, Sam," he smiled.

Raising her hand to his lips, he kissed the palm. Sam leaned forward and captured his mouth with her own. She was just getting into the kiss when a loud cough forced them to pull apart. It was Doreen with their food.

"Keep it clean kids," she remarked.

"Hey, give a guy a break," Jack returned. "Do you know how long it's taken me to get her here? And now I'm going to enjoy every second."

Sam felt herself blushing.....and wishing she'd packed a decent negligee.

"So you had a good time?" Janet asked.

"Sure."

Jack sounded a little uncertain, and Janet wondered if there wasn't a storm brewing in paradise.

"Did Sam enjoy herself?"

"I think so....I mean yeah, she seemed to have fun...."

"But?"

"She withdrew a little....especially towards the end. Can I go now?"

"In a second."

He picked up a bag of saline solution and started playing with it. Janet didn't have to know Jack as well as she did to realise something was on his mind. He and Sam had returned from Minnesota the previous day....in time for Jack to report for duty. The physical Janet was giving him was in fact a cunning ruse to appease her curiosity. But Jack wasn't being very
forthcoming. In the end, Janet had no choice but to go for the direct approach.

"Are you sleeping with her?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

Jack went bright red, the first time she had ever seen the Colonel blush. He was very uncomfortable discussing this with her.

"Not exactly," he admitted. "We kinda got as far as sharing the same bed."

"And that's all?"

"I figured Sam probably wasn't up to anything else yet."

"Sir....if you'll excuse me for saying so....you're an idiot!"

"What?"

"You take Sam to your cabin, you share the same bed and you don't get any further than first base? Of course she's going to be disappointed. She probably thinks that you don't want her."

"Really?"

His expression said it all. He was so eager for this to work out that Janet couldn't help herself smiling.

"I think you have some grovelling to do when you get home," she smiled.

"I gotta go get.....some stuff."

Jumping off the bed, he was out of the infirmary before Janet had a chance to protest. Sam was a lucky woman, she sighed. Over the past few months, Janet had become very close to Jack and she knew exactly how dedicated he was to Sam. Her friend was in for quite a night. She sniggered to herself, recalling all the times she and Sam had discussed that very topic. Although Sam had been very closed mouthed in every day life, get a couple of glasses of wine inside her and she would say anything. And Jack was going to be a lucky man, if Sam kept the promises she had made while under the influence.

It would be well for them to get it all out of their systems before the following Wednesday.....the day Sam had her evaluation at the clinic. Even if they agreed to release her, she was still going to need all of Jack's love and support....not to mention the rest of their friends. Since their last get together had gone so badly, Janet was wondering if it wasn't time to hold another. If Sam was allowed to come home, another celebration was probably in order. This time, Janet wouldn't make the mistake of inviting Jacob Carter.

*************************************************************************************

As the afternoon dragged on, Sam was annoyed to find herself staring out of the window, straining to see Jack's truck coming up the road. If this was what she was like when he went to work for one day, how would she cope when he spent an extended period off-world?

The truth be told, she was very, very bored. Very bored....and she didn't even have any means to get out of the house. The first thing she needed to do was go to her place and get her car out of storage. Once she had wheels again, she would be more independent. There were other things she needed to sort out....like what she was going to do with her house. She supposed it
would have to be sold at some point....or at least put up for rent.

Where was Jack? He should have been home by now. Unless there had been some emergency? Sam had stopped looking out of the window and was now pacing. She was going to have to find some way to occupy her days.....waiting for Jack. Sam still wasn't certain how this was all going to end. During their sojourn in Minnesota, they hadn't become as close as she might have hoped. Certainly, sharing a bed with Jack was nice....very nice, but Sam didn't think she was unreasonable to expect more. After all.....as her father had pointed out....the regulations weren't a problem now.

Maybe she didn't turn him on anymore....but that wasn't true. Over the past few nights, his 'sidearm' had definitely been in evidence. Sam really didn't know what the problem was....unless it was herself. She hadn't been exactly forthcoming. Being naked, certainly filled her with a new kind of fear. She had never undressed in front of him, always fleeing to the safety of the bathroom. No wonder he hadn't exactly been....keen and eager.

She had to laugh at herself. All the problems she had solved while at the SGC and it seemed the most difficult thing in her life right now was how to persuade Jack to have sex with her. She was certain that problem would resolve itself eventually. He would just need a little encouragement. If he ever decided to come home. Perhaps she should get a few things in, just in case. The 7-11 was within walking distance. Even though the short winter day had ended, Sam thought nothing of putting on her coat and heading down the road. Jack's house was in a pretty safe neighbourhood and she was feeling confident. It was about time she did a few more things for herself and shopping was one of them.

The walk through the night was actually rather pleasant. It was cold, but the crisp air was invigorating. Sam was actually feeling pretty pleased with herself when she got to the store. There was a bunch of kids hanging about outside, but Sam didn't really take much notice as she went inside. She picked up a few things she thought they'd need. Stupid stuff really, a quart of ice cream, a bottle of wine....enough for a nice romantic evening in front of the fire.

She noticed that one of the kids from outside was now standing by the till....talking with the assistant. Sam waited several minutes, but neither of them seemed willing to stop their conversation.

"Um...excuse me," Sam began.

The shop assistant looked at her, then at her friend....both girls started to giggle. Sam realised that she'd tied her hair back that morning and her face was clearly visible. They were laughing at her. She felt an instant sense of mortification, wanting nothing more than to pay for her goods and get out of there as quickly as possible.

"I'd like to pay, please," she went on.

"What?" the assistant said.

"Pay," Sam repeated.

"I'm sorry I don't understand what you're saying."

Both girls were laughing harder now and Sam was on the verge of running out of the store. But she still had that streak of stubbornness that stopped her backing down in a difficult situation. She took a couple of bills out of her jeans pocket and dumped them on the counter.

"That should cover it," she said, and turned to walk away.

"Hey, retard, you're short!"

Sam had to fight the tears as she turned back and paid the rest of the money.

"Can't you add up either?"

"Better than you can," Sam snapped back. "you miscounted my change."

She had to push her way past the kids outside. They had all gathered in the doorway, enjoying the scene. Their shouts and howls of derision followed as she walked away. She wanted to run, but she wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of knowing they'd scared her. God, this was awful. She hated looking like this, sounding like this. Maybe she was better off back in the
hospital. Locked away where no one would be forced to see her face.

Sam was so preoccupied, she walked straight into someone coming in the other direction. She was well into her apology before she realised the man she'd bumped into was Jack.

"Sam...what are you doing out here?" he asked.

He took the bag from her and peaked inside. Grinning back at her....

"I guess you had the same idea I did. Look, do you want to head on back...there's something else I need to pick up."

"What?" she asked.

"Uhh.....,"

"Oh."

Suddenly, Sam had an idea. She took his hand, and headed back.

"What's going on?" he hissed as she led him inside. He'd picked up on the antagonism as she walked back into the store.

She went straight over to the condoms and picked up as many as she could comfortably carry. Jack was clearly having doubts about, firstly her sanity and secondly his own stamina. Dumping her purchases on the counter, she handed the assistant some more money. The other woman smirked,

"What do you want those for?"

"Him," Sam replied, indicating Jack. "Have a nice night....I certainly intend to."

Even thought Jack didn't really know what was going on, he rose to the occasion, and swung his arm over her shoulders as they walked out.

"Were they giving you trouble?" he asked.

"Nothing I can't handle," Sam replied.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

She wasn't sure, not by a long shot, but she felt like she'd just scored a minor moral victory. Jack was, after all, a good looking guy. Sometimes he still surprised her by just how handsome he was. A girl couldn't help feel good.

*************************************************************************************

Jack sent Sam off to have a bath as soon as they got back. He figured she could do with some relaxation. After he got dinner started, he took a glass of wine up for her, knocking on the bathroom door.

"Sam?" he called out.

"It's not locked," she answered.

He pushed open the door to find Sam immersed in bubbles, her hair pinned on top of her head. Judging by the steam in the air, she'd probably used half a tank of hot water.

"Here you go," he grinned, handing her the glass. "Dinner'll be 'bout half an hour."

"Okay."

Trying his best not to look at the figure presently submerged in his bath tub, Jack backed out of the room. The bubbles hadn't hidden everything, and he'd got a tantalising glimpse of naked skin....but it wasn't enough....not nearly enough. He'd promised himself, they were going to take this slow. Dinner first, then see what developed.

She'd had a scare tonight. He didn't know exactly what had happened and he knew Sam wasn't likely to tell him. Given the chance he would have been back to the store to crack some skulls, but he guessed Sam had dealt with it in her own way. He was starting to realise that she could be in for a very rough time. Many people weren't tolerant to her kind of disability. The fact
she had problems communicating was probably part of it. People expected her to have some of mental deficiency....although that couldn't be further from the truth. Her mind was as sharp as it had always been.

She looked absolutely beautiful when she came down stairs. All she had put on was a robe....his. Her hair was still caught up in it's rough knot, tendrils escaping and curling softly around her face. As she brushed past him, he caught a whiff of her perfume, the scent was intoxicating. He couldn't stop himself grabbing her and pulling her close.

"What about dinner?" Sam asked.

"Later," he growled. "There's something else I want first."

His mouth moved to cover hers, his hands fumbling with the belt of her robe. She didn't resist as he slipped it off her shoulders. He had to pull back a little, just so he could look at her.

"Oh God, Sam....."

"What?"

"You're beautiful."

She tried to turn away from him, not believing his words. Jack took her face in his hands, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"You're beautiful," he repeated. "You have to believe me, Sam."

"I want to," she replied, biting her lip.

"Everything about you, the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you move....I love you, Sam."

Tears welled up in her eyes, and Jack pulled her back into his arms, enveloping her in a comforting hug.

"There have been times," she sobbed, "when I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"Just let me show you how much," he replied.

Sam nodded and Jack picked her up in his arms and carried her towards the bedroom.

Jack was snoring. Sam, shifted a little in his arms, trying to make him roll onto his side, but he refused to budge. There was something almost smug about the noise he was making....as if, even unconscious, he was very satisfied with himself. As far as Sam was concerned, he had every right to be. She snuggled closer to him, relishing the sensation of skin on skin. Jack's arms tightened possessively around her. Sam knew they'd have to get up soon....at least in time for Jack to get into work. Although she supposed General Hammond might be lenient. It wasn't like the health and happiness of the men under his command didn't mean a lot to him.

Thinking about Hammond sent Sam's thoughts in a melancholy direction. She really missed her work. There was no real reason why she couldn't contribute to the Stargate program. Even if she no longer had her military rank, she was still Dr. Samantha Carter. This accident hadn't changed the fact she had a PhD in astrophysics. In those alternative universes they had come across, Dr. Carter hadn't been in the military and she had still been an integral part of the command facility.

Why not? Why not go and talk to General Hammond? Even if he said no she wouldn't be any worse off than she was at the moment. And the people in the SGC were likely to be more tolerant than those outside.....or so she hoped. Working again would be a big step, but she felt as if she was up to the challenge.

Decision made, Sam extracted herself from Jack's arms and crawled out of bed. He grumbled in his sleep, shifting over and clutching at her pillow. Sensing the lack of her presence, his eyes fluttered open.

"Sam?" he mumbled.

Sam sat on the edge of the bed and ruffled his hair.

"Time to get up," she smiled at him.

"Don't wanna," he complain, snaking an arm about her and pulling her back towards him. He re-snuggled himself against her. "Phone Hammond, tell him I'm sick."

Sam grabbed a pillow and hit him over the head with it.

"Ow...okay, okay!" he complained. "Don't punish a guy for wanting to spend the day in bed with a beautiful woman."

He reluctantly scrambled out of bed and stumbled towards the shower.....tripping over his discarded pants as he did so. Sam giggled and was treated to a glare. It wasn't her fault his clothes were strewn over the bedroom. And he had seemed quite eager to take them off last night. Sam wished she could have undressed him, but she had been shaking so much even if both hands had been working properly she couldn't have achieved the task. She had been so nervous. So had Jack, although he'd done his best to hide it. Neither of them had had much experience lately.....Sam lay back in the bed, relishing the chance to lie there a little longer.

Her pleasant reverie was broken when Jack returned from his shower. He had clearly decided Sam should get up too and proceeded to flick water over her until she begged him to stop. His slightly damp form snuggled up beside her again and he wound his arms about her waist.

"Love you," he whispered.

Sam closed her eyes, pulling him closer. It would be a long time before she got tired of hearing Jack say those words. He started nuzzling at the nape of her neck.

"Jack.....!" she protested.

"Hammond can wait," he grinned, pushing her onto her back.

He wasn't to be dissuaded, and, if she was honest with herself, Sam didn't really want him to stop. Consequently, Jack was very late reporting for duty.

After he had gone, Sam didn't linger in bed. She got up showered....and called a cab to take her to the base.

At first, she thought she'd have problems getting through security. However, the airman on duty recognised her and called through to General Hammond, who immediately authorised her access. It was good to be back, even out of uniform. It seemed as if she had never left...especially as the first person she met was Sergeant Siler. He looked at her a little funny, as if he was
trying to work out where she'd been ...then launched into a detailed description of some trouble they were having with the Stargate. Sam was stuck there for ten minutes, before she managed to get a word in edgewise and suggest a couple of solutions.

Sam had missed all this. She felt as if her brain had been going rusty. But, if she played her cards right, she'd be back soon...if Hammond could be persuaded. He'd probably want some kind of medical assessment, but Sam had come so far in such a short space of time, she was pretty confident she wouldn't have any problems.

Hammond was definitely pleased to see her. He was in Uncle George mode and gave her a huge bear hug. However, his face betrayed concern when Sam explained the reason for her visit. Her voice, which had been getting clearer to Sam's ears, seemed to return to it's former indistinct
mutterings. Sam felt herself go redder and redder as she tried, and failed to get the words out. Hammond was going to say no, she knew he was...no medical, no chance.

"Sam," he broke in, eventually, "As much as I would love to see you back at the SGC, I can't help think this is too soon."

"I'm better," she protested.

"I can see that...but the question remains as to whether you are better enough."

"Talk to Janet, she'll tell you. Talk to Jack."

"I feel Colonel O'Neill may be a little biased. Sam, thank you for coming to see me. And I will consider your proposal...you have my word."

He didn't trust her. He didn't think she could do it. Sam felt despair smother her once more. It wasn't fair, she had tried so hard. Deep down, she knew it wasn't the kind of decision he could make immediately, but she'd hoped he'd be a little more enthusiastic. She guessed saving the world half a dozen times didn't count for much anymore.

"Thank you for you time," she managed to get out, as she picked up her coat.

As long as she could get off of the base without bursting into tears....

"I'll walk you topside," Hammond offered.

Sam was too choked up to refuse. They walked out through the control room. Sam paused for a moment to cast one last look at the Stargate. Around her feet technicians were working...she recognised what they were doing...Siler must have got straight to work. Taking advantage of her preoccupation, Hammond stopped to talk to the Sergeant.

"Are we any further forward?" he asked.

"I believe so, sir. We were just going to run a test," Siler replied, casting a look in Sam's direction.

"Sam? Would you mind?" Hammond asked. "SG-13 have been stuck on P9Y459 for three days.....we haven't been able to re-establish the wormhole and get a rescue team through."

Sam shook her head, she was hardly in a position to protest. Siler barked an order and the technician started the dialling process. Sam took a sharp intake of breath as the great ring started to spin. It had to work, it just had to. The chevrons locked...the gate sprung into life.....down below a cheer went up. Without further ado a team of marines jogged through the
'gate and vanished.

"Good job, sergeant," Hammond grinned.

"Actually, sir..." Siler began, "It was Major...I mean Dr.Carter's idea. I ran the problem past her about half an hour ago."

Hammond turned back to her, he narrowed his eyes, as if Sam had done this on purpose. She just shrugged and continued on her way out. Sam had the feeling she'd be hearing from General Hammond real soon.

*************************************************************************************

Jack wasn't exactly pleased when he heard that Sam had been in to see the General. It wasn't that he didn't want her to find something useful to do, he just thought they should have discussed it first. Besides, he had the sneaking suspicion that everything was happening a little too fast. He knew Sam had the tendency to push herself too hard and he couldn't help wondering if this wasn't another example. From reports it had seemed as if she had been saving the world again within two minutes of setting foot inside Cheyenne Mountain. SG-13 were certainly grateful to her. Perhaps he was just feeling a little unwanted? If she had her work to keep her occupied she wouldn't need him nearly so much.

When the General asked for an honest opinion, Jack couldn't find any reason to say no...even so, Hammond must have picked up something in his tone. The General reassured the younger man that Sam would only be re-employed on a part time basis...as per Dr Fraiser's recommendation. Jack was slightly surprised Janet had agreed. He had hoped the doctor would be slightly more
hesitant. His last hope lay in Sam's appointment at the clinic...however, all went well and she was released.

Her first day back at work changed his mind. Partway through the morning he stopped by to make sure she was okay. One look at her face quashed all of his uncertainties. She was happily arguing with some guy in a white coat, about something Jack couldn't possibly understand. Her body language was assured, confident...and she had no trouble in getting her opinions across.
He quietly left the lab before she even realised he was there. Sam would have been mad at him for checking up on her.

The rest of the base personnel were certainly glad to see her back. Daniel told her three times how much safer he felt. Siler could hardly keep away from her....seems there were several niggling problems that had been going on for months. Teal'c raised both eyebrows and Janet threw a party. Sam was much more at ease than she had been at Christmas. Jack even enjoyed
himself...mostly because he suddenly realised he was free to be with Sam. He didn't have to spend the whole time propping up the wall trying not to watch her. So he spent the evening as close to Sam as he could possibly be, touching her, kissing her....and all in front of General Hammond.

Their next obstacle was to decide what to do about her house. She had been living with him for over a month and it was fair to assume that the new arrangement was permanent. While she had been in hospital he had stopped by once a week to keep the plants alive, but it was obvious to anyone that the place hadn't been lived in for eight months. It was going to need a little work before it could be sold. He wasn't certain that Sam even wanted to sell it. She loved that house, he could tell....but his was bigger and more convenient. He wondered if they shouldn't sell both and buy a place that was theirs....

Very slowly, Jack found himself enjoying the fact he was part of a couple again. Two months into their new relationship he actually found himself proposing to her. Sam turned him down. He knew she was right to do so, but he couldn't help feeling the sting of disappointment. She still needed more time, but he found it difficult to accept.

They had their first argument when Sam decided she could go back to working long shifts. Sam decided...not anyone else. She seemed determined to ignore any medical advice she was given. He literally had to drag her home some nights. But she seemed to be thriving on the new challenges. She was happy, which, after all, was more important than anything else.

Living with Sam was certainly different than living with Sara. The fact that Sam was....had been military, made that difference. Jack really notice the first time he came home after a bad mission. He didn't even have to say anything, Sam just seemed to know. She sat him down and poured him a stiff drink, before ordering his favourite pizza. Then she just curled up next to
him, her head resting on his shoulder. And she wouldn't let him sleep alone. Sometimes, during his marriage, Sara had left him in the living room to brood, Sam didn't. When he told her to go to bed, she went and got some blankets and resumed her previous position. He really appreciated her presence the following morning, when he woke up with her in his arms.

Life was good, but Jack couldn't help wondering when the other shoe was going to drop......




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