" I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories."
~ 'I Will Remember You', Sarah McLachlan.
~*~
It had been almost a year to the day since she had stepped into this reality. And now, almost a year after entering it, Major Samantha Carter found she was reluctant to leave it, even though she was finally able to go home. To go back to where she belonged. She leaned against the wall in the corridor just outside of the room the Quantum mirror was in and closed her eyes tightly. The moment she stepped into that room, she knew her friends, her friends from both realities, would be there and would be watching her as she left so she lingered outside, preparing herself for the painful goodbyes that needed to be said here, and for the warm 'welcome backs' she'd get on the other side. Sam was preparing herself, and waiting. Waiting for the person she needed to say goodbye to away from prying eyes.
As if sensing her thoughts, he appeared. She sensed his presence, but felt his hands pushing the shoulder length blond hair from her face before opening her eyes so she could see him. The warm but sorrowful brown eyes of Colonel Jack O'Neill stared back at her, his eyes suspiciously bright as he fought to keep a grip on his composure at the prospect of letting another Samantha Carter leave his life.
" Jack." Sam couldn't say anything else. The tears she had been struggling to keep at bay escaped, one after another and cascaded down her cheeks in a salty waterfall. Jack pulled her close and held her, shutting his eyes as he rested his cheek on her hair, inhaling the sweetness of the scent that was Sam, knowing he wouldn't be able to hold her again.
Clutching her tightly, oblivious to the sympathetic looks of passing Airmen, Jack prayed for the strength to let her go. The first Samantha Carter he had known and loved had died years ago, only at the time of her death, she had been Samantha O'Neill, his wife and partner in all things. The second.. The second was not from his world and had turned down his proposal of marriage but he loved her all the same. And now she was leaving him, not through death but through choice, and it hurt just as much. " Sam.. I wish you'd stay.. You can.."
" No, I can't." Sam shook her head and pushed him away, tears shining in her eyes as she looked up at him. He wasn't the same man she'd dreamt about and fallen in love with over the course of four years but he was the mirror image of him. He was still a version of her Jack, one she had grown to love over the last six months she had spent in his reality. " I can't.." Her voice broke and she closed her eyes tightly against the pain in his eyes she knew was reflected in her own. " I'm not her.. And you're not him."
Jack nodded and brought his hand to her cheek. " I know that.. But I love you."
" I know. I love you, too," she told him honestly. Another tear ran down her cheek. " I don't belong here, Jack. I.. I belong with them."
Sighing heavily, Jack pulled her to him again and pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss, tasting the salt of their mutual tears as the moment turned into a bittersweet goodbye. " I won't forget you, Sam. I'll never forget."
" I won't either," Sam promised, memorising the expression on his face and the love in his eyes. She knew she would see him when she looked at her Colonel, but in her reality, Jack was her Commanding Officer and not her lover. It was unlikely that she would ever see such a look of blinding tenderness and affection on the face of the Colonel she was leaving this Jack for.
Another kiss ended when someone cleared their throat and they looked up to find Doctor Janet Kawalsky looking at them sympathetically even though her own pain and unease was written clearly on her features. " Sam.. They're waiting for you.. Your reality is waiting on the other side."
" Do we know for certain it's the right reality?" Jack asked gruffly, unwilling to relinquish his hold on Sam. " We don't want to send Sam to the wrong place."
" It's the right reality, Jack," Janet answered apologetically. " Daniel exchanged messages on a chalk board with the other Doctor Jackson. They've been trying to find Sam for the last year." She gave the couple in front of her a compassionate look, seeing how they clung to each other even tighter at the mention of the reality waiting for her. " It's time, guys. We can't stall them.."
Sam was the first to pull away. She gazed tearfully at Jack and leaned in to give him one last lingering kiss, pulling away with bright eyes, turning her back on him. " I love you, Jack."
" I love you, too." He mumbled to her back, his eyes closed as he slumped against the wall. " Don't say goodbye, Sam. Go.. but don't say goodbye."
She nodded even though she didn't think he was looking at her and wiped her tears away with a shaking hand, before straightening her back and walking with Janet into the room where her doorway home stood standing. A small smile tugged at her lips at the sight of her Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, Jack and General Hammond standing on the other side of the mirror, looking a little anxious. The smile faded as she glanced around the room and saw the people whom had befriended her and welcomed her into their lives over the last year.
" Sam." The alternate Daniel Jackson, the one with slightly longer hair than her Daniel, the one who was still married to Sha're, who had managed to rescue his wife, stepped forward and took her in his arms. " Take care of yourself, okay?"
Wordlessly, Sam nodded and hugged him back tightly. " Take care of Sha're and your family, Daniel." She eventually murmured, her voice painfully husky.
The Teal'c from this reality was absent but Major Charles Kawalsky was there to hug her in his place, leaving his wife's side to say goodbye, embracing her warmly. " Hey, Major. Be careful."
" You, too, Kawalsky." Sam pulled away with a smile playing upon her lips, as she looked at Janet over his shoulder, the young Doctor laying a hand unconsciously over her abdomen. " You'd better take care of that wife of yours, okay? Or you'll have both her and me to deal with."
" I will, I promise." Kawalsky grinned at her. He cast a look over his shoulder when a pained shadow passed over her face, seeing Jack had composed himself enough to enter the room. " I'll keep an eye out for him, too," he whispered in her ear reassuringly. " He'll be okay, Sam."
Nodding but not as convinced as she would have liked to be, Sam took turns in hugging this General Hammond and this Janet Kawalsky goodbye before turning back to the mirror. Taking a deep breath, she reached out and touched it, whispering a soft 'goodbye' before a flash of light transported her to the other side.
" Welcome home, Major Carter." General George Hammond grinned warmly at her and Teal'c nodded.
" Sam!" Doctor Janet Fraiser and Doctor Daniel Jackson called out in unison as she appeared on their side of the mirror. Sam smiled and allowed herself to be swept up in another round of hugs although she paused before leaving the room. Her friends walked on in front of her, all except Colonel Jack O'Neil who stood lurking in the doorway.
He watched with Sam unaware of his presence as she cast one last longing look at the mirror before walking out of the room with tears in her eyes. His curiosity getting the better of him, Jack peered into the mirror's surface moments before it disengaged, surprised to see no other than his counterpart standing on the other side, a forlorn expression on his face. The eyes of the two Colonel's met for a brief second just seconds prior to the mirror closing down, the despair, regret, love and pain in his alternate's eyes leading Jack to suspect his second-in-command would have an interesting tale to tell.
Mentally shaking the suspicions forming in his mind away, Jack headed to the infirmary. He had been waiting for a year for his Sam to return, and he was determined not to waste a second of the time they had left together.
/~/~/
" Major Carter, I'm sorry, but there's nothing more we can do. Unless you can give me a guarantee that we're not wasting our time with this and you can fix the mirror within the month.. I'm afraid I'm going to have terminate your project."
She stared at him, a mixture of shock and horror in her face. Colonel O'Neill looked away as General Hammond met her gaze unflinchingly; glad he wasn't the one who had to tell her time had run out, that her way home was closed to her.
For good, it seemed.
" But.. But Sir, you can't.." The desperation in her voice made Jack wince, and he kept his eyes glued to the floor, unable to look up and see the pleading look in those blue eyes he knew so well. Too well. " If you close down the project to fix the mirror.. I can't go home. I just need some more time, I'm sure I can figure out what's wrong.. *Please*, General.. I need to do this, I *need* to go home."
" I'm sorry, Sam." The General took a step towards her, reaching out, but Sam stepped backwards, out of his reach, folding her arms defensively across her chest, glaring at him in disbelief, helpless tears springing to her eyes as she realised he wasn't going to change his mind. " If I could, I'd give you all the time you need but I'm not the one who made the decision. It's over. Unless we can find someone who knows how to fix the device off-world, it's over."
Over. Four months of hard work and long hours and what did she get? Nothing. It was all over.
Jack studied her as the word replayed itself in her mind. He swallowed the lump in his throat and fought back the urge to take her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. This wasn't his Sam, she wasn't his wife. He had no right to hold her and kiss her so he had to stand there, almost lifeless, watching as her heart was broken.
" If you were anything like my General Hammond you would have fought their decision and helped me go home." The cold words were bitter, spat out in a fit of anger and distress.
They had the desired effect; General Hammond took a step back. Sam had hurt him as much as he had hurt her. Jack watched as his General squared his shoulders and stood almost at attention before them. " I'm sorry you feel that way, Major. In the meantime, you will be assigned to SG-1 until a way to get you home is devised. Colonel O'Neill has already agreed to accept you as a member of his team.."
" What if I don't want to be on SG-1?" Her eyes narrowed as she darted a quick glance at Jack, one he caught but couldn't understand. " Isn't there something else I can do?"
" Your reassignment is none negotiable, Major." The General's voice was firm, his eyes moving briefly from the defiant Major to the Colonel whose heart she'd unknowingly trampled on. " And before you ask, you can't resign your commission and work elsewhere. Due to the circumstances, you will not be permitted to leave the mountain without a member of SGC personnel with you. If too many people without the appropriate clearance see you and recognise you, there's a chance they'll start asking questions we can't answer."
" So basically I'm trapped inside the mountain whether I like it or not and being on SG-1 is the only way I'm going to get out of here." Sam uncrossed her arms and let them hang loosely by her sides, her shoulder slumping, her posture defeated. Jack watched out of the corner of his eye as she wiped suspiciously at her cheek and swallowed hard. " Permission to be excused, Sir?"
" Permission granted, Major."
Nodding curtly, Sam spun on her heel and pulled the door open; shutting it behind her with such force it shook on its hinges. Jack raised his eyebrows, turning his attention back to General Hammond as he sighed deeply and sat down in his chair.
" I did everything I could, Jack. Believe me." The General brought a hand up to his weary eyes, massaging his temple. " I know having Major Carter around will be difficult for you and if there was a way I could talk them into letting her keep trying to go home, I would."
Jack stiffened at the mention of her presence being difficult for him to handle. He'd noticed that his friends hadn't gone out of their way to make the new Major welcome, but he'd hoped they had reasons other than trying to keep distance between her and them. Sure, it was hard for him to see his dead wife on a daily basis but he'd thought they'd understand it wasn't going to be easy for her either.
" Thank you for your concern, Sir, but I'll be fine." He started towards the door. " It's Major Carter I think we should all be concerned about. She is the one who can't go home."
With those words hanging in the air between them, Jack excused himself, heading to his own office, where he could try and push all thoughts of this Sam Carter from his mind, and remind himself that she would never be the woman he desperately wanted her to be.
~*~
The infirmary was full of people. Her team mates and friends, General Hammond and the occasional visit from people like Ferretti or Siler or even Lieutenant Simmons who were curious as to whether the rumours were true.
" For the last time, the answer is yes," Janet said in a voice that was a little too high pitched to be normal. " It's true, Sam's home. And I would very much like to be able to tell you if she's okay but people keep getting in the way." She gave a pointed look to the members of SG-1, earning a grin from Daniel. Sighing with exasperation, she turned to General Hammond with an almost pleading look. She wanted to give Sam her physical but she wanted to be able to talk to her friend in private as well. There was something bothering Sam, she was too quiet. " General Hammond, Sir. Please. With all due respect, can everyone leave the infirmary?"
General Hammond nodded although his grin never left his face. " Of course, Doctor. We'll get out of you way. Colonel, don't SG-1 have a debriefing in ten minutes?"
" Yes, Sir." Jack agreed but his eyes remained fixed on Sam. She looked pale and withdrawn. " Come on, Danny. Let's leave the ladies to their girl talk. Carter can catch us up later if she's not too tired?" His eyes bored into Sam's own as she glanced up at him, her eyes grateful. " It's good to have you back, Carter. Hasn't been the same without ya."
" Thank you, Sir." Sam smiled softly, but the smile faded quickly as a haunted, almost guilty look stole over her face. She had been back for five minutes and already she was missing the other reality, and already her feelings for this Jack O'Neill were reasserting themselves. She looked away, her eyes fixed on her clasped hands as General Hammond helped Janet usher everyone out of the room. When the two women were finally alone, Janet did a quick physical exam and labelled the blood samples, putting them into the right place with a fluency that came from years of practise. Once the official procedures were over, Janet walked over to Sam and sat down on the edge of the bed, offering a hand to her friend, a gesture of comfort Sam took gratefully.
" Sam, you want to talk about what's been going on?" Janet asked softly. " You've been quiet since getting back.."
" It's just a shock to the system. Being home." Sam gave her friend a small but weak smile. " I'll be fine in a few days. Once I've got used to being here again, it'll be okay."
Janet looked unconvinced. " You don't look over the moon to be back. I thought you'd be pleased after a year away.. I know it's been the longest year I've had, and the others, too." She gave her friend a conspiratorial wink and small smile. " Colonel O'Neill in particular has missed you. He even asked the General if SG-1 could search for another Quantum mirror on their missions so they could find you. I have it on good authority he spent over an hour talking with General Hammond and your father making sure that nothing would be keeping you apart when you got home."
She had been expecting the news to cheer Sam up and make her homecoming something to celebrate. Instead, Janet was alarmed to witness all of the colour drain from Sam's face just moments before her masquerade shattered and the damn broke. Confused and bewildered, there was little Janet could do but hold Sam as she wept and try to console her despite not knowing what the problem was. " It's okay, Sweetie. You're home now. It's okay."
The words only made the tears fall faster despite her desperate attempts to stop them. Home. Where was that? She knew she was where home used to be, she remembered never feeling as though she truly belonged in the world she'd just left.. but being in Jack's arms had felt like home. It had felt right, safe and warm. And now Janet was saying this Colonel, the one she'd wanted for four years, now he wanted to be with her and they could actually be together.. But had her relationship with the other Jack put that chance in jeopardy? If her Colonel, the real one from her real reality found out.. Would he still want her?
For almost an hour, Sam cried in Janet's arms and the petite doctor comforted her despite being clueless as to the reason behind Sam's tears. " I'm sorry, Janet." Sam mumbled when she eventually disentangled herself from her friend's embrace. " I don't mean to be such a mess. I guess I've changed a lot over the last year."
" Have your feelings for Colonel O'Neill changed?" Janet asked softly. To her surprise once again, Sam responded in a different way to what she had been expecting - she responded by bursting into laughter that verged on hysterical.
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Sam composed herself enough to respond to her friend verbally. " It's complicated, Janet. But no, I don't think they have."
" You don't *think*?" Janet called after Sam as the Major pushed herself up and off the bed, heading to the doorway. " What does that mean? Where are you going?"
" It means mine haven't but his still might," came Sam's vacant reply as she lingered just over the threshold. " And I was going for a shower so I can spend the evening settling in and catching up on all the gossip I've missed. Is that okay?"
From her place on the bed, Janet nodded. She got to her feet and walked over to Sam, instinctively wrapping her arms around her friend. " That's fine. Just don't wear yourself out, okay?" She drew back and held up her hand to still Sam's protests. " I know, you've been looking after yourself, but don't emotionally exhaust yourself, okay?"
" I won't." Sam smiled reassuringly at her friend before ducking out of the infirmary and wandering aimlessly through the maze of corridors, unsure of where she was going, knowing the one place she wanted to go to was the place she could never return.
/~/~/
It had taken two weeks for the news to spread around the entire base. Two weeks for everyone to know Major Samantha Carter would be staying with them for the foreseeable future. As far as he was aware, everyone had received the news with mixed reactions. It seemed odd to him that those who hadn't know his wife were warmer towards her counterpart than the people who had been closest to Samantha O'Neill when she'd been alive.
It wasn't that they hadn't tried. Jack had witnessed Doctor Janet Kawalsky asking Sam to join her for coffee on more than one occasion. Once, Sam had accepted with a timid smile and the two women had shared a pleasant lunch together. After that first time, however, Sam had pulled away, hurting Janet in the process.
After that, it seemed best if they all kept their distance. Sam reminded them too much of who they'd lost, they reminded her too much of the people it seemed she'd never see again. So Sam pulled away, secluding herself in her lab and everyone else let her, believing it to be the best solution to a problem no one had imagined they'd find themselves facing.
But Jack was determined to change that. He'd been observing Sam over the last fortnight and his concern for her grew with every passing day. As far as he could see, she wasn't looking after herself. She didn't seem to care about getting sleep or eating, she just sat in her lab, methodically finishing all of the experiments his Sam had left unfinished.
Knocking on the lab door, fighting back memories of a time when such formalities hadn't been necessary, Jack waited for some sort of response.
None came.
After waiting for a few more minutes, Jack pushed open the door and stepped into a dark and deserted lab. Frowning, he glanced around, expecting to see her sitting there in the dark but finding no one. Quickly turning his back on the empty room, Jack began his search of the facility. He asked the passing AF's and officers if they'd seen her but no one had.
Trying to fight his rising panic, Jack stopped to catch his breath at the elevators, casting his mind back to his Sam, trying to think where she would have gone if it was her he was looking for.
His wife's favourite places to go within the Cheyenne Mountain complex had been her lab, his office, the infirmary for girl talk with Janet and the commissary for team talks over her favourite - blue raspberry flavoured jello. Frowning in concentration, he focused on his memories of her.. Whenever she was upset, or when she wanted to be close to him or one of their friends who were off world, she'd always gone outside to look up at the sky and the stars.
Grinning triumphantly, Jack hit the button to call the elevator and waited impatiently for it to come; convinced he'd find her topside.
Sure enough, after several long minutes waiting for the elevator to arrive and then several more waiting for it to reach its destination, he made it to the surface and after walking a short distance away from the main entrance, he found Sam.
His chest ached at the sight of her looking so lost and forlorn.. He swallowed compulsively as he watched her wipe away a tear, somehow restraining himself from going over and doing it for her.
" Major Carter?" Clearing his throat to alert her of his presence, he took a step towards her as she threw a startled glance in his direction.
" Colonel." Sam ducked her head and wiped at her cheeks, trying to compose herself as he sat beside her, leaving little distance between them. " I'm sorry, I didn't see you.."
" Don't apologise," Jack gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. " You've got nothing to apologise for." There was an awkward pause as she looked away, neither agreeing nor denying what he said. " If anyone deserves an apology, it's you." He noticed her gaze fell on his face for a moment, a frown of confusion in place. " We let you down, Sam.. General Hammond.. I.. We should have done more to help you go home."
Her reply was a heavy sigh, accompanied by words spoken so softly that he nearly missed them. " It's okay.. I know it's been too long and that the General would have done all he could.. It's just.. I want to go home."
" I know." Nodding mainly to himself, Jack gave her a sidelong glance, fidgeting with his hands. " We'll find a way to get you back there." It was a half-hearted promise if nothing else. " Someone's got to know how to deal with the mirror-thing.. Someone somewhere will know how to fix it, it's just a matter of when and where we find them."
Sam rewarded his optimism with a small smile, thinking how optimistic this Colonel was when compared to her Colonel who was.. who.. The smile faded as quickly as it had come. " I wish I could believe that, Sir, but it doesn't seem very likely at the moment." She noticed him shift uncomfortably beside her, a frown creasing his brow and felt her own features arrange themselves into an identical expression. " Is something wrong, Colonel?"
" No. No, I'm fine," the grin he gave her wasn't very convincing. " I'm going to need time to get used to you calling me 'Colonel' and 'Sir', that's all."
" Oh." Curling further into herself, Sam twisted to face him. " I'm sorry.. It must be difficult for you to have me around.. and now you're stuck with me.."
" I wouldn't put it quite in those words.. And quit apologising for things you can't control. You do that too much.. My wife used to do that." A distant look appeared in his eyes. He blinked back sudden tears, chewing on his lower lip. " She died a while ago.. I'm not used to seeing her - you - on a daily basis anymore."
Sam couldn't think of any response to make to that. What do you say to someone whose dead wife could be your identical twin? Well, whose dead wife not only had your face but your name and personality to match? Biting her bottom lip, her mind wandered back to a time when she'd come face-to-face with another Sam Carter, Doctor Carter, the woman who was grieving for her husband. Shaking herself mentally when her thoughts changed direction and started to pair off the grieving couple.
" It mustn't be easy for you, either," Jack spoke up suddenly, his shift in focus startling her as she noticed he was staring at her intently. " I mean, we're constant reminders of the place you want to go back to; in a way, we're the people you want to be with."
" In a lot of ways you are but in a lot of ways you're not." Inhaling deeply, Sam pulled her legs closer to her chest and tightened her arms around herself, resting her chin on her knee. " It's a no-win situation, Colonel. I don't think either of us is going to be happy until the situation is resolved. If it ever gets resolved."
" Would it be so bad if it wasn't?" He decided to switch to another track, the current one they were on was getting far more depressing than he'd anticipated. He supposed it was natural, though. He couldn't look at her without seeing his Sam, his wife. He doubted it would ever stop hurting to see her and know she wasn't the same woman. Thinking like that, however, would get them nowhere. They needed to be positive about their circumstances, just in case.. just in case their circumstances were permanent. " Would it really be so bad to have to stay here? You're not missing out on anything, really. You can still work on SG-1 and in the lab, you've got all your friends around you or at least a version of them.."
Turning her head slightly, she looked to him with a very small depreciating smile, accompanied by blue eyes that showed her surprise at his change in tactics. " Asides from having no life, you mean? I'm dead here, I don't mean to upset you by saying but it's true.. As long as I'm here, I won't be living. I can't leave the mountain, can I? I can't go for a run around the park or go shopping or go to O'Malley's for a steak.."
" We might be able to work on the park thing, and the shopping, as long as there's always someone with you.. O'Malley's could be a slight problem because we used to go there regularly so they'd recognise you.." Shrugging, he shuffled a little closer. It was getting cold. The sooner their conversation was over, the sooner they could go inside and he could go home and rest easy, knowing she was safely within the mountain.
" I don't want to have to have a chaperone." Closing her eyes, a heavy sigh escaped from her lips. " I need to feel alive, Sir. I need to feel like I'm doing something worth living for, I need to feel.. I need to feel wanted and needed in my own right.. Like I belong here.. and that is never going to happen because this place will never be my home. It's an imitation, a perfect copy.. but it's not where I belong."
Despite her attempts to the contrary, a tear slipped down her cheek as she spoke. She ached with loneliness, with the thought that she would never go home, never see her friends.. There were so many things that she wanted to do but never would be able to if she didn't get home. Regrets she would continue to have that would most likely haunt her until she died.
" I'm sorry, Sam." Edging closer, his mind took a backseat as his heart took over and allowed him to follow his instincts. Without giving it a second thought, he pulled her into his arms and held her securely. For a few seconds, he felt her tense but then she seemed to realise he wasn't her Colonel so as far as she was concerned, they weren't doing anything wrong.
Relaxing into him, she closed her eyes tightly as he cradled her close to his chest. For a brief second, she allowed herself to dream.. to hope.. but as with all dreams, the thought faded into reality and she had to admit it wasn't her Colonel who made her feel so safe, so protected, so loved..
Abruptly bringing that line of thought to an end, Sam pulled away a little, just enough to stare into his brown eyes and see he was as conflicted as she was.
They stared at each other. Uncertainty, confusion, pain and need intermingled and controlled their actions. Ever so slowly, they leaned closer to each other, eyes locking, neither daring to break contact.
'What am I doing?' The question crossed through both of their minds but neither made an attempt at preventing the inevitable.
Their lips brushed in a shy, hesitant kiss, their eyes drifting shut. The line between reality and fantasy blurred as one of them - they didn't know which one - deepened the kiss. His arms went around her waist, drawing her closer as her hands came to rest gently against his chest, fingers barely touching his shoulders.
They stopped trying to figure out who they were kissing, instead giving themselves over to the sensations of comfort and security the contact invoked in both of them.
Sam savoured feeling needed and wanted. She wasn't fooling herself into thinking he wanted her on anything more than a superficial level, aware that he was probably using her a replacement as much as she was using him. Still, it was nice to be wanted even if not for being herself.
For Jack, it was a chance he thought he would never get again. He had been grieving for his wife for so long, he'd started to shut out all emotions and sensations.. The feelings this woman evoked in him were just as strong as those his wife had induced in him and it was intoxicating to actually *feel* so much after so long of not feeling anything.
When the need to breathe became too strong to deny, they pulled apart, staring at each other in barely veiled surprise.. Her lips moved but no words would come. Without realising it, she moved one hand from his chest and raised it to her lips, her eyes never leaving his.
Who initiated it? Who had to apologise? What.. Where did they go from here?
No answers sprang to mind so they kept staring at each other, hoping something in the others expression would give them a clue on how they were supposed to react.
" I'm sorry.. You're just so.." He attempted to explain but found he couldn't go on, swallowing hard as he gazed at her dusky eyes and slightly swollen lips. She looked so familiar, so much like his Sam.. " You are.. wanted.. here.. And needed.. You're one of the SGC's brightest minds.."
She should have been touched by his words, maybe even flattered, but instead they stung. Pulling herself together, she removed her remaining hand from his shoulder and began to withdraw inside herself again. " We can forget about what just happened, Sir.. We're obviously both feeling the effects of.. of.. Colonel?"
During her rambled speech, he'd moved closer again, his eyes darkening as she made no attempt at backing away. " Call me Jack.. Please.. It's way to weird to hear Colonel or Sir come from you."
" Si-Jack?" Although she knew she should turn away from him, she found herself trapped by the intensity in his stare, her heart pounding as she realised she had never seen the expression he wore on the face of her Colonel, and most likely never would.
" I need you, too, Sam. I know you're never going to be her and I'll never be him.. but being with you makes the pain stop.. Even if it's just temporary.." Blinking, he started to pull back, something akin to shame washing over his features. " I'm sorry.. I shouldn't.. It isn't fair.."
" It's fair if we both understand what we're getting into.. If we both know that there's nothing more in it.." Her mouth was letting the words escape before she could stop and think about what she was saying. She didn't know whether she was the one who initiated the second kiss but she wasn't complaining.
As long as they both knew there was nothing more going on between them than two lost souls seeking comfort in each other. There was nothing wrong with what they were doing, nothing wrong in taking solace in the arms of someone willing to provide it.
So they gave in.
~*~
Everything about the SGC still had a familiar feel to it, which wasn't surprising given that the corridors of the SGC were almost identical to those of the SGAF where she had just departed. The Stargate Air Force Facility.
People slowed and stopped as she passed them in the hallways, some giving her strange, surprised looks. She supposed it would take a while for them to get used to seeing her again, it would take longer for them to adjust to seeing her than it would for her to get used to seeing them. After all, the SGC had been without her, but she hadn't been without a version of it. Seeing the still familiar faces around her, some smiling warmly, welcoming her back into the fold, only served to intensify the ache inside, the dull pain becoming sharp as their faces reminded her not of what she'd gained but of what she'd lost.
Sam found her way to her lab, taking her time, only to be amazed at how it looked exactly as she'd left it. Asides from having been cleaned regularly, it didn't look as though anything else had changed. Nothing had been moved or touched..
In one way, it was comforting.
In another, however, it was.. disturbing. Almost as if her team had kept it as a shrine to her, dedicated to her memory and the thought of bringing her home.
Tears once again formed in her eyes as she sunk onto a stool, resting her head in her hands. She glanced about the lab until her eyes stung too much and her mind started to compare this lab to the one she'd worked in for the past year.
This lab looked as though it belonged in a museum exhibition, perfectly preserved and stored. The lab she'd left.. it had looked used, full of organised clutter and chaos, a fresh bunch of flowers placed in a vase on the shelves every morning.. a personal touch, courtesy of Jack. A personal gesture she missed seeing now as she glanced around, half expecting to see him standing in the doorway with the flowers in his hand and a sheepish grin on his face..
Closing her eyes, Sam took a deep, shaky breath, angrily brushing away the tears that fell down her cheeks at the memory. " Everything's different here, Sam." She spoke aloud to the empty room, half-hoping the sound of her own voice bouncing off the walls would be enough for reality to hit home. " Nothing's the same and it never will be so there's no point in hoping.. There's no point in.." Her voice faltered and broke off into a sob.
" Ah, Sam?" The voice from the doorway startled her so much she almost lost her balance. Steadying herself, she turned guilty eyes towards the voice's owner, smiling weakly at Daniel's concerned expression. " You okay?"
" Sure." She wiped at her cheeks again, forcing another smile. " I was just.. talking.. to myself.. Feel free to join in if you've got something to add."
Bringing another stool across with him, Daniel sat beside her, uncomfortably aware of the tears she was trying to hide. This wasn't what he'd expected; he'd thought she'd be happy to be home and even if she wasn't.. Well, the Sam Carter he'd known rarely cried in front of anyone, especially not on base. " So.. You've been gone a year."
Sam nodded, her expression blank and her tone tight. " I know."
" So..?"
" So what?" She responded too quickly, sounding defensive. Sounding like someone with something to hide.
Trying not to frown at the tear strained face that stared suspiciously at him, Daniel glanced away, looking around the lab he'd spent more than enough time in keeping a certain Colonel and Jaffa company. Eventually, he brought his inquisitive gaze back to rest on her face. " Where were you? What.. happened.. to you?"
" I was in another reality," she answered simply, as though it were the sanest and most normal thing to say, accompanying the words with a casual shrug even though the look in her eyes grew distant. " Their Sam was dead. . She'd died a few years before I got there.. I tried to fix their mirror so I could come home but after a few months, General Hammond.. *Their* General Hammond eventually had to order us to stop. It took up too many resources, apparently. So I joined their team, went on missions, settled in the best I could.. Then the Asgard showed me how to fix the mirror and I came.. here."
" Home. You came *home*."
A sad, bereft smile flickered and died on her lips. " That's a matter of opinion, Daniel."
His jaw moved, his mouth opening and closing but, for a while, no words would come. His eyes widened as he gaped at her, almost unable to believe he'd heard her say what she'd said. " Sam!" Daniel looked flustered, not to mention shocked. " But you're home! This is where you come from, where you belong. We.. God, we went crazy trying to bring you back.."
" I know, and I appreciate it." Hurriedly, Sam sought to placate him, seeing anger could quickly replace confusion. " I *am* glad to be back. *Really*. It's just going to take some time to feel like I'm home.. I was gone for a year, Daniel. In that year, I made another home with people who were you but weren't you at the same time.. I need some space, Daniel. Please don't think I don't want to be here because I *chose* to come back. I wanted to come back." Swallowing convulsively as an image of what she'd left behind came unbidden to the front of her mind, Sam reached out and took his hand. " Thank you for not giving up on me then. And please don't give up on me now."
Temporarily put at ease by her words, Daniel squeezed her hand and rewarded her with a warm grin. " I'm just glad you're back. We're all glad. It hasn't been the same without you." An awkward silence descended over them. Sam fidgeted nervously with a pen, Daniel's gaze flittered around the room, settling nowhere for long. Eventually, Daniel stood, backing away from her towards the door, his eyes troubled. " I.. um.. I've got some reading to do.. I'll come back and see you later, okay?"
" Okay." She didn't even attempt a smile, watching him leave through pained eyes. When he was gone, closing the door behind him, she wondered if things would ever go back to the way they used to be, the way they were before she'd left. There had once been a time when Daniel could come into her lab or she could go into his office and they'd sit talking for hours, about their latest finds, about their friends.. about anything and nothing, just talking and enjoying each others company.
Now they couldn't sit in the same room as each other for just ten minutes before feeling the need to escape.
Her shoulders slumping once more, Sam thought back over what she'd told him, about wanting to be home, and wondered if she'd told him the truth or if she'd lied to him as she was lying to herself. Was she really where she wanted to be? Or had she made the wrong choice after all?
/~/~/
Six months after she initially entered their reality, Sam was finally feeling as though she was welcome there. Her friendships were growing with most of her colleagues, with those who she'd known in her reality and those who she had been deprived the chance of knowing. After a few weeks of trying to come to terms with her being unable to return home, she'd stopped thinking about the things she was missing out on and instead concentrated on what she had here that she couldn't have at home.
Her relationship with Jack being one of them.
He was Jack to her here. 'Colonel' was the name reserved solely for the man she suspected she would never see again, the one with whom she was forbidden such a relationship.
Due to the nature of this reality's modified regulations, however, there was nothing stopping them from being together and deriving whatever comfort they could get from each other.
At first, their friends had been concerned. They thought they were going to end up hurting each other, both on the rebound, in one sense of the word, from doomed relationships with the other's counterpart. It was only when they saw them together, when Sam and Jack explained, that they decided to let the subject drop.
Until now, that was. Whether Sam and Jack realised it, they had stopped seeing their relationship as being merely that of two friends who were slightly more seeking solace in each other - or at least Jack had. Sam's feelings on the issue were a mystery to them. It was clear to Jack's friends that the man was developing feelings for this Sam, feelings that were different to those he still held for his wife.
That was why Janet has asked to see Sam alone for spot of girl talk in her office before they met the others for lunch. She'd been nominated as the one to confront Sam on her intentions - and perhaps bring the knowledge that the relationship was possibly beginning to mean more to Jack than it was to her.
" Janet?" After knocking softly on the door to the Doctor's office, Sam stepped in and looked around. Her guard went up as she saw the apprehension in the Doctor's eyes before it was disguised by a warm smile. " What's wrong?"
" Close the door, Sam." Waiting until Sam did as she asked, Janet motioned to the extra chair, wondering not for the first time how she'd let her husband and friends talk her into this. She considered Sam to be a friend, too, maybe not as much as the original Sam had been but they were getting closer to it. " Don't look so worried, I just want to talk to you for a minute or two."
Still on edge, Sam took the empty chair, her eyes narrowed as she gazed suspiciously at her friend. " What about?"
" Jack." Seeing no point in dragging the situation out any more than was necessary, Janet got straight to the point, carefully watching Sam for any sort of reaction. So far, all she saw in Sam's eyes was wariness.. and concern. " And your relationship."
" What about it?" Still defensive, Sam folded her arms over her chest and leaned back. " I thought we'd talked about this and sorted it out. We both know what we're doing, we're consenting adults.. I know he's always going to love his wife and that he's partly with me because of that.. I know he doesn't love me."
Even as she said it, she had to try and pretend the words didn't hurt. They did, though, despite her best efforts to shut out those particular feelings.
" That's the problem, Sam." Keeping her voice soft, Janet leaned forward in her chair, her eyes understanding and compassionate. " I.. We've been watching the two of you when you're together. We don't think he's with you because you remind him of what he's lost and take the pain away anymore. It seems to us like.. he's falling in love with you. Not because you're the perfect imitation of the Sam we lost but because of who you are."
" Who's we?" Raising an eyebrow, Sam conscientiously chose to follow that line of questioning rather than the one that had set her heart pounding. Was it possible..? No, she quickly quashed all such thoughts. He was still grieving for his wife. Their relationship.. if you could call it that.. was a poor replacement. There were no genuine feelings involved.. Not on his side. " Does Jack know you guys seem to like discussing his personal life in detail behind his back?"
" Sam, please, don't get upset or angry with me. We're just concerned, okay? We don't want Jack to get hurt again. And we don't want you to get hurt, either." Janet was silent for a few moments, waiting for a response from Sam but none came. The other woman simply sat silently, eyes cast downwards. " Sam? Please talk to me. I am your friend, I just want to make sure you guys don't hurt each other.."
Slowly, uncertainly, Sam lifted her head and met Janet's inquisitive gaze. " You think his feelings have changed?"
" Yes, I do." She answered without hesitation, recalling all the times she'd caught the Colonel staring into space, a wistful smile curving his lips. It was an expression she'd seen on his face many a time in the early days of his relationship with his wife. She'd seen how his eyes lit up whenever this Sam walked into the room and how he became more animated in conversation when he was either talking to her or about her with any of their friends. The feelings were there, growing steadily, it was just a question of how long it would take for him to realise it. " But I'm not the one you should be talking to about this. From the look on your face, you should be talking to Jack."
" How do I do that?" Quietly, Sam spoke, lowering her head to her hands as she sighed deeply, confusion welling up inside her. She should feel uncomfortable hearing he'd developed feelings for her. She should have wanted to go and talk to him and end their relationship before they went too far and she ended up hurting him.. But she didn't. She didn't feel uncomfortable, she didn't feel afraid.. She felt.. She felt.. confused. " How do I ask him? I can't just come out and say 'hey, your friends think you're falling in love with me, is it true?' Can I?"
" Maybe not in those exact words but.." Janet smiled affectionately, reaching out to touch Sam's hand supportively. She couldn't help it, this woman reminded her so much of her lost friend in so many ways.. It was impossible not to love her. " You do need to ask him how he feels. And when you do, he's going to ask you how you feel. Do you know how you'll answer that?"
Silence, again, was Sam's answer. She lifted one shoulder in a meagre shrug, " I don't know what I'd say. I need to think about it.."
" Think fast," Janet advised, pushing herself to her feet. " We're meeting them all for lunch in five minutes and I'm sure you'll get the opportunity to talk about it then."
" Lunch? Now?" Also standing, Sam shook her head, her eyes wide with something that looked like fear. " I.. I can't," she stammered nervously, chiding herself at the same time. " Can you make up an excuse for me? Tell them.. Tell them I had some work to do in the lab. I can't see him yet, Janet. Not until I've figured out what I'm going to say. I.. I don't want to hurt him."
Nodding in perfect understanding, Janet again placed a hand on Sam's arm in a gesture of comfort before heading over to the door and opening it for them to leave. " I'll tell them something came up. But mark my words; he'll come looking for you as soon as we're done. I can give you ten minutes but then you're on your own."
" I know. Thanks, Janet." Giving the departing woman a grateful smile that faded as soon as Janet shut the door and walked in the opposite direction, Sam slumped against the wall of the corridor, exhaling slowly.
She had to think about it before talking to Jack. She needed to come up with an answer, the right answer. Whatever that was.
~*~
They were all having trouble adjusting to her return, not just Sam. Walking through the corridors of the SGC, looking for the woman in question, Jack thought back to the conversations he'd witnessed and been involved in over the past few days.
General Hammond was concerned she needed more time to get used to being back and had half a mind to send her home until she was entirely ready to return to work. It had taken the Colonel well over an hour to convince General Hammond she was ready to work, that he'd talk to her and make sure she was all right.
After convincing him, he stumbled across his friends having a hushed discussion in Daniel's office. Listening in for almost ten minutes, Jack eventually cut in and told them they were overreacting. It took another half an hour to assure them that there was nothing wrong with Sam, she just needed time and that was something they all could do with.
Again, he told them he would go and talk to Sam, to see if there was anything he could do to help. Doctor Fraiser wasn't sure it was a good idea but Jack was determined. He'd show everyone there was nothing wrong with her.
Besides, he wanted to talk to her for his own reasons. He wanted to try and get her thoughts on possibly moving their relationship on a step or two. While she was gone, he'd done a lot of talking and a lot of complaining to whoever would listen - even when he'd thought it was too late for him and Sam. The very least he could do was help make it okay for everyone else at the SGC in his position.
With General Hammond and Jacob Carter on his side, they'd eventually managed to sway those that mattered into believing it was best and the necessary revisions were made to the SGC rulebook.
Now she was back, he fully intended on taking advantage of the change in regulations - if she agreed, of course.
" Anyone in?" Looking around the door to her lab, he grinned at seeing her leaning over something on the desk, having missed being able to bug her as she tried to work. " Hey, Carter."
" Sir." A polite smile arranged her features as she faced him but he was sure he'd seen a flicker of sadness in her eyes as she greeted him. " What can I do for you?"
" Ah, nothing really.." Wandering over to her casually, he couldn't stop himself from picking up a spare pencil and twirling it around with his fingers. " I was just wondering.. Maybe you want to talk?"
The smile grew a little strained. " What is there to talk about?" Without waiting for his response, she turned back to the experiment she'd been trying to fix. She'd read her alternatives notes on the same experiment and was confident she could figure it out eventually. " I'm kind of busy right now, Colonel, so.."
" I don't want to take up too much of your time, I just thought I'd come and see how you're doing with the whole alternate-reality-thing." Putting the pencil down, he took another step closer to her. " So how are you doing, Sam?"
" Sam?" Repeating her name, she slowly turned to him, a half-frown on her face. " Since when have you called me Sam?"
Surprised at the question, he studied her carefully, convinced there was something in her eyes that shouldn't be there. Pain, maybe? " I don't know.. It's your name, isn't it?"
" Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is. I'm sorry, Sir." Sighing to herself, Sam apologised at the befuddled look he wore. She knew her behaviour was perplexing her friends but at the same time, she didn't know how else to act. She was home but.. Something was missing. " I guess it's just going to take me a little longer to get used to being back.. and everything."
" Well, that's understandable, I guess. You've been through a lot." Shoving his hands into his pockets, he moved closer still, leaning against the other side of the bench. " It must have been weird to be with people you knew but who are strangers at the same time."
" It was weird to begin with but I got used to it." 'Too used to it,' she added as she watched him out of the corner of her eye. He was too familiar now. She knew things she shouldn't know, like how his eyes looked when they darkened with longing, how his voice sounded when he was choked up with heady emotion, how nice it felt to have the weight of his arm thrown over her as she slept at his side. " I'm glad I'm back, though."
" Are you?" The question sprang unbidden to his lips before he could stop it. He met her gaze evenly when she looked up at him in surprise. " Daniel seems to think you're prefer to be back there.. with them."
Breaking eye contact, Sam bit down on her lip. " Like I told Daniel, I chose to come back here. Nobody forced me to leave.. If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be."
" You're being very defensive for someone telling the truth." Trying not to let his suspicions get the better of him, Jack continued questioning her, attempting to sound supportive rather than accusing. " Is there something else? Did something happen while you were there?"
" I.. In a way." Debating with herself, Sam decided she should tell him the truth. He had a right to know anyway and if Janet was right, she needed to be completely honest with him before he said anything he might later regret. " I was involved with someone."
" Involved as in..?" Voice trailing off, he let his mouth shut with an audible snap. " So while we were going crazy trying to bring you back, you were settling in quite nicely?"
" I waited longer than I should have," she replied calmly, refusing to feel guilty for what she'd done. " I tried for over four months to fix their mirror but nothing worked. I didn't give up until I knew without a doubt there was no way I could come home." 'Unlike someone I could mention.'
He shook his head and started fidgeting with the pencil again, only slightly surprised when it snapped in two, pacing when he had nothing else to occupy him. " You could've looked for another planet with a mirror like we were. Chances are there would have been an identical mirror here and you could have come home."
" We thought about that but General Hammond wouldn't authorise it. As it was, I used up too many resources trying to fix the mirror in the first place.. If it wasn't for the Asgard.." Giving up on the experiment, she moved to stand in his path. " I tried to get home, Sir, but in the end, I had no chance but to give up. I couldn't spend the rest of my life wishing I was somewhere I couldn't be."
" Guess not." Sidestepping passed her, Jack started for the door, pausing to face her. " You still chose to come back?"
Nodding, Sam looked down at her hands. " I don't belong there. I never really did."
" Okay. Just wondered." Continuing on his way out, he was stopped from leaving by the sound of her voice.
" Didn't you have something you wanted to talk to me about, Sir?" It took all the strength she had not to sound hopeful, to keep herself from being the one to bring up the issue of the regulations - changed or otherwise. If he still wanted to talk to her about what it meant for them, he had the perfect opportunity.
Glancing at her over his shoulder, Jack hesitated, wondering if perhaps she knew.. " No. Sorry for bothering you, Carter. You can get back to whatever it was you were doing."
Leaving her alone, Jack headed straight for his office, his relatively good mood having reached its abrupt end. He didn't want to think about what he'd learnt, didn't want to acknowledge it but it was all he could think about as he sat there in silence.
Meanwhile, in her lab, Sam sat down in her chair. She thought coming home was the best thing for everyone concerned but she was starting to doubt it. If she'd stayed, her friends would be none the wiser and would have eventually moved on. If she'd stayed, she wouldn't feel like she'd made the biggest mistake of her life.
/~/~/
He was looking for her again, only now he didn't need to stop and think where she might be. He knew her habits as well as he knew his own and quickly stumbled across her, sitting alone on the mountain side, her expression pensive.
As quietly as he could so not to disturb her too much, Jack sat down behind her, automatically slipping his arms around her waist and drawing her against him. They sat like that in silence for a few moments, both enjoying the view as well as the company.
" We need to talk, Jack." At her words, he immediately tensed, knowing all too well the effect that phrase could have on a relationship. Despite feeling him stiffen behind her, Sam ploughed on, determined to have the conversation part of her dreaded. " I spoke to Janet earlier. They're all concerned about you, about us. And what we're doing to ourselves by getting involved."
" They should learn to mind their own damn business." He muttered into her neck, reflexively tightening his arms around her. " What we do is no concern to anyone but us."
" Well to be honest.. It is a concern to me right now." Reluctantly pulling out of his embrace, Sam turned to face him, staring earnestly into his eyes. " Janet said.. She said they're all worried we're going to end up getting hurt. That I'm going to end up hurting you because.. because.. Janet and the others think we.. They think you're falling in love with me."
He didn't answer her and she began to worry even more than she had been before. Maybe Janet had been wrong? Maybe he didn't have any feelings for her beyond what they'd admitted and she'd just screwed everything up by assuming his friends were right. Maybe..
" Jack? Please say something?" Wishing he would look at her, she couldn't keep the small trace of desperation from her voice. " Even if it's just to tell me I'm an idiot for even considering that maybe.."
" I'm falling in love with you," he finished quietly.
" Yeah, that maybe you're falling in love with me." Flushing, it was her turn to look away, feeling incredibly sheepish. " I wouldn't blame you for thinking I'm stupid for thinking it would be true but Janet said they'd been talking about it and I figured they know you better than I do so.."
" No, Sam." Shaking his head, Jack silenced her tirade by taking her hands in his, making her lift her head to look at him curiously in the process. " I meant that I'm falling in love with you. They're right."
" Oh," was the only thing she could think of to say, staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.
Still clasping her hands, Jack rambled on, needing to cover his embarrassment with words, as the silence was too much. " I know we said this would be a no strings thing, just two consenting adults enjoying each others company and helping the other cope but.. I can't help it, Sam. I tried not to fall in love with you, I used my wife as a reason but the more I think about it, the more I know she'd want me to be happy and you do that. You make me happy. You make me want to live again and I didn't think that was possible."
Stunned, Sam was barely listening to him. She couldn't grasp the concept that he was actually falling in love with her - and that he was being so open about his feelings, so unlike her Jack.. The usual burst of sadness came at the thought of the Colonel and friends she'd left behind but it was no longer as intense. The man sitting in front of her wearing his heart on his sleeve had a lot to do with that. All of them did but especially Jack. This Jack. She felt grateful, thankful towards him.. He no longer reminded her of what she couldn't have, he reminded her of what she'd gained, what she'd experienced, what she had started to feel..
" Jack." One word was all it took to silence him. " Are you sure your feelings for me are really for *me*? Maybe they're your feelings for your wife manifesting themselves as something for me.."
" I'm sure, Sam." There wasn't a shadow of doubt on his face, in his eyes or in his voice. " At first I thought maybe it was but the more time we spend together, the more I can tell the difference between the two of you. The more I know it's you I have these feelings for. I mean, I'll always love my wife but.. but that doesn't mean I can't fall in love with you."
" Okay." Smiling a little, Sam glanced down at their entwined hands, a slight rose-coloured blush staining her cheeks. " Then I guess it's okay for me to tell you I'm falling in love with you, too. And I never meant for it to happen either because I still have feelings for my Colonel at home but.. I can't deny how I feel about you.. You're so different yet so similar.."
Grinning, he put a finger over her lips, replacing it a few seconds later with the briefest of kisses. " I know exactly what you mean.." Leaning in to kiss her again, lingering a little longer, he found he couldn't stop smiling. " So what do we do now?"
" Well.." She shrugged a little, turning so he could wrap his arms around her and embrace her fully. " I think now we need to cool off a little and start again. From the beginning, for real."
" Meaning.. we should start dating?" He pressed a quick kiss to the soft skin of her neck. " Take it slowly, right?"
" Right." Nodding against him, Sam leaned her head back and closed her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips. " We're got plenty of time."
For the first time since she'd arrived, the thought of possibly spending forever there wasn't such a sad one. There was still a part of her that longed to be home, she knew with absolute certainty that there always would be. But now, at the same time, there was a part of her that wanted to stay.
A part of her knew that this was it.
This was what made life worth living.
~*~
Two months later, everything was starting to get back to normal - slowly. Most of her friends had come to accept that she'd changed and Sam was getting used to the way things were, the way they had to be. Even the Colonel seemed to be warming to her again. She doubted he was planning on broaching the subject of the new possibilities facing them any time soon but for the time being, having him as a friend was more than enough.
They'd just returned from a mission off world when the klaxons started going. The Stargate remained inactive so it meant the alarms in the holding room had been tripped. Instinctively, she knew what had caused it.
The mirror had been reactivated. Someone had come through.
The rest of her team, Doctor Fraiser and General Hammond were there by the time she arrived. She'd deliberately taken her time, unsure of who she'd find waiting for her from the other side.
Relief and disappointment filled her when her eyes locked on those of an obviously pregnant Doctor Kawalsky. Returning the uncertain smile with one of her own, she covered the distance between them and returned the other woman's awkward embrace.
" You haven't been eating properly," were the first words out of Doctor Kawalsky's mouth, the scolding accompanied by an affectionate smile.
" Looks like you've been eating enough for the both of us," Sam returned softly, holding onto her friend's hand. " How's the baby? And how did Charlie take the news?"
Rolling her eyes, Doctor Kawalsky laughed. " This baby's fine and the other, bigger baby took it well. He's pretty excited about it actually, that's why we had a huge fight when I told him I was coming to see you."
" I think I know why you're here." Her expression turning serious, Sam inhaled sharply as her mind flooded with the only reason she could think of for why her friend would chose to visit her in person. " Can we talk about that later? In private?"
" Sure." Taking Sam's hand in hers, Doctor Kawalsky squeezed it reassuringly, looking over her shoulder at the people standing there, a little spooked at seeing herself. " Right now you should probably introduce me to myself."
Grinning, Sam turned, her hand still in Doctor Kawalsky's and met Janet Fraiser's confused gaze. " This is Doctor Kawalsky, she's from the reality I stayed in."
" Kawalsky? You're married to Charlie?" The Colonel arched an eyebrow as he took in her appearance. " Sweet."
" Ah.. General, maybe Doctor.. Kawalsky should come to the infirmary to be checked out?" Apparently getting over her shock at seeing herself, Doctor Fraiser spoke up, her eyes wide as she continued staring at the newcomer. " We should make sure using the mirror has no effect on the baby."
" I'd appreciate that, Doctor Fraiser, thank you." Smiling politely, Doctor Kawalsky gave the General a grateful look as he agreed with the Doctor's request. " I assure you, Sir, I'm only planning to be here for a short time so I'll be out of your way in a little while. I just needed to come and talk to Sam.. about something."
The 'something' turned out to be the very thing Sam was both expecting and dreading in equal measures. After being pronounced all clear by Doctor Fraiser, the two women had left for Sam's lab, closing the door so they could talk in private.
" He asked me to make sure you got this if something happened." Her eyes full of sympathy, Janet slid the sealed envelope across the bench top towards Sam. " It happened three days ago. He was on a mission with SG-1 and 2 when natives of the planet surrounded them. They needed a diversion and Jack volunteered to be it. Charlie was the last one through the Stargate, he saw Jack trying to catch up with them but he was badly injured.. We went back later and recovered his body. I'm so sorry, Sam."
Although it was what she'd been expecting to hear, the news still came as a shock to her system. She waited for the pain to come, her eyes filling as she closed them in a vain attempt at keeping the tears at bay. " He's gone."
" Yes, he is." Moving as gracefully as she could given her condition, Janet moved to embrace her friend, holding her tightening as Sam's resistance was worn down and the tears started flowing. " I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry."
" Oh, God." She'd lost him again. Really lost him. But she hadn't really. *Her* Jack was still alive and she was relieved and her guilt at thinking that made her feel worse.
For several long minutes, the two of them held onto each other as they grieved for their lost friend. Eventually moving apart so Janet would be more comfortable, they sat on opposite sides of the bench, talking softly.
" How was he, Janet? After I..?" Trailing off, Sam didn't know how to end the sentence. After she what? Left him? Hurt him? " Was he okay?"
" Not really." Pausing for a long moment, Janet eventually settled for the truth. " He missed you a lot, Sam. It was like you'd died all over again. I think, even if it were subconscious, a small part of him took the risk on that planet because he knew he could die and make the pain go away. He loved you, as much as anyone could."
" I loved him, too. Still do." Sighing heavily, Sam buried her head in her hands, her next question muffled as she thought of all the agony she'd caused him and cursed herself for being so weak and eager to deepen their involvement in the first place, even if it wasn't something she could truly regret. " Did he.. Did he love me because I reminded him of her?"
" No. No, he didn't." Her voice sincere, Janet took Sam's hand again and waited until the other woman was looking at her before continuing. " He told me, just after you'd left, that he was surprised he'd come to love you so much and that the things about you he was falling in love with were those things that made you different from her. I guess he felt a little like he'd betrayed her at the start but she would've wanted him to move on and be happy. Just like he'd want you to do the same thing now."
Wiping her eyes, Sam smiled bleakly. " It's so confusing. Having all these feelings and knowing I'm never going to make sense of them all." Catching sight of the clock on the wall, her eyes widened as she realised how long they'd been sat talking, and grieving. " You've been here for over an hour. Charlie will be getting worried.."
" Yeah, I should go." Pushing herself to her feet, rubbing her back as she stood, Janet studied her friend as Sam stood and tried to make it look like she hadn't been crying. " Are you going to be okay?"
" Eventually, yeah, I will be." Glancing down at the unopened envelope, Sam put it to one side in the centre of her desk. " It'll take some time but I'll be okay."
Unable to resist, Janet crossed the space between them to embrace her. " If you ever need anything, you know where to find me."
" Likewise." Returning the warmth of the hug, Sam stepped back reluctantly, again wiping her eyes. " I miss you guys, all of you."
" Likewise."
Saying goodbye for the second time was just as bad as the first. Especially as they had an audience. As Doctor Kawalsky touched the mirror and arrived back in her own reality, Sam looked in and saw the grieving faces of everyone she'd know and grown to care about. Her heart broke all over again as the mirror turned black.
He was gone, and so were they.
She held no false illusions that she'd see them again and it was a horrible feeling. Turning her back on the mirror, she forced a smile as the General asked if everything was okay and made small talk with her friends as they walked her back to her lab, unable to completely disguise her relief when they went on without her towards the commissary.
Settling herself in her chair, she held the envelope in her hands, staring at the familiar scrawl on the outside, wondering what it said inside.
Wondering if she was strong enough to find out.
/~/~/
It was their anniversary. Almost, anyway.
The candles were lit, the table was set. Sam stood back to survey her handiwork. She wondered if it were perhaps too much. They'd only been together for six months or thereabouts; it'd been almost a whole year since she'd first met him. He'd indicated he planned to make something of their six-month anniversary, telling her he thought it was amazing she'd put up with him for so long.
But that was before SG-1 had been told that they were going to be sent on a mission on the day before their anniversary - the following day. That was why she'd persuaded the General to let her leave early and go home alone - they'd moved into a small apartment on the opposite side of town to the house Jack had shared with his wife but General Hammond still insisted someone accompany her every time she went, just in case she was recognised and needed her cover story verifying.
The cover story was lame, she admitted that freely: if anyone recognised her and approached her, she would have to pretend to be Sam's twin sister. Her own twin sister. It wasn't an easy idea to get her head around.
Today, however, was special. The General understood how important it was to them so he let her go home early unaccompanied by Jack or anyone else.
The surprise dinner was ready. The meal was almost ready. She'd actually taken the time to research and plan a meal, spending over an hour preparing it and another hour slowly cooking it. It wasn't something that came naturally to her but she hoped it wouldn't be a complete disaster.
Now all she had to do was wait. Everything was set, the only thing missing was the man she wanted to spend the evening with.
He was late.
Helping herself to a small glass of wine, Sam sat down in one of the chairs at the table, resting her chin on her hand as she glanced up at the clock.
Two minutes passed.
Three minutes passed.
Five minutes passed.
Eight minutes passed.
Twelve minutes passed.
At this rate, their meal would be ruined -even if she'd hadn't destroyed it simply by cooking it herself without a chaperone.
Fourteen minutes passed.
Seventeen minutes.
Twenty minutes.
Twenty-five minutes.
Half an hour later, she got up to check on the food and turn off the oven. The sauce was lumpy, the meat was slightly charred, the vegetables had turned to mush and the pasta was unrecognisable.
There had to be a good reason for why he was late and why he hadn't stopped to take a few minutes to call her and let her know what was going on. Still, she couldn't stop herself from feeling a little annoyed at all her hard work going to waste.
When the door opened another twenty minutes later, she was all geared up and prepared to let him have it. The look in his eyes, however, stopped her before she'd even started.
Something was wrong.
" Jack? What is it? What's happened?" Standing, she moved over until she was just in front of him, frowning at the unreadable expression on his face and the stillness of his posture. In all the time she'd spent with this man and his counterpart, she'd never known Colonel Jack O'Neill to be completely still. " Jack, you're scaring me."
He moved then, reaching out for her and drawing her close, holding her tightly against him. It was then she realised he was shaking. " The Asgard contacted us." His voice was gruff with heavy emotion, his arms clinging to her as though she might be taken from him right there and then. " They've figured out a way to fix the Mirror. They know how to send you home."
" Oh God." Suddenly understanding why he was trembling, Sam melted against him, squeezing her eyes shut as she clung to him as desperately as he clung to her.
Several long minutes passed but they didn't move. They didn't want to. Every moment they had left together was precious.
Forever no longer seemed like such a long time.
~*~
Dear Sam,
If you're getting this, something has most likely happened to me. Either that or I've lost my mind and have somehow figured out a way to let Hammond send this to you in an attempt at wooing you back, of course. In all likelihood, however, the first reason is probably true. In which case, I'm sorry for hurting you, as news of my death is sure to do.
Okay. Now's the part I stumble for a while about what I'm supposed to say. (Cue lots of humming and haring on my end, and probably some smiling through tears on your end.) Firstly, I hope you're okay and in good health and all of that. I want to be able to assume you're happy, now you're back where you belong. I hope you are, Sam. You deserve nothing less than perfect happiness. And yes, you and your other self were both right when you said I was getting soft in my old age.
Geez, I really don't know what I'm writing. I had a lot of stuff planned out that I wanted to write, that I wanted you to know but none of them come to mind as I sit here with pen and paper at the ready.
Here is our place, the spot on the mountain were we sat and watched the sun rise and set on more than one occasion. The place we let ourselves believe and love; the place I proposed to you twice - well, once to the Sam who said yes and once to you, who said no; the place we said goodbye.. So has the other me, your other me, got a clue yet? Has he proposed and heard you give him the answer you wanted to give me but couldn't because of him? Oh, boy. That sounds confusing and bitter. I'm not bitter, Sam, promise. I miss you and I love you but you were right in choosing to go 'home' - I've had two chances with two Sam Carters, I guess he deserves one, too. (A grudging admittance on my part, angel, I'm telling you now! If I had my way.. Well, just know I'd be a lot less selfless and a lot more possessive.)
But he's seriously missing out, Angel. You're incredible, beautiful, smart and funny.. Amazing how I've fallen in love with you twice, that I've had the chance to love you twice. Must've done something good in a former life.
Hmm. This letter's going nowhere fast. I guess what I really wanted you to know is that I don't regret any of what happened between us, and if you ever did choose to come back to this reality, you'd always have a place with me. I know you're not her, not the woman my wife was, but if I'm honest, I fell in love with *you* in your own right during your stay here. Never doubt that. I loved you both, but I don't just love you solely because of my wife though I still do love her - I'm getting confused now! My head's hurting; wish you were here to kiss it better.
I don't blame or resent you for leaving either, Sam. I know it was a hard decision to make and I respect it. I know you sometimes felt like you were competing with a ghost while you were here but you've gotta know we loved you for being you, not because you reminded us of someone we lost. You're being here was a gift I'll be eternally grateful for, we made memories I'll always treasure.. But I know my world was never your home and I guess I've accepted that although you were happy here, you deserve the chance to be happy in a place where you belong.
I hope he knows what he's got, Sam. The other me, your other Jack. (And yep, he's your 'other' Jack. He may be the original in your life but I'm still your Jack, too. Always.) I hope he appreciates you and knows how lucky he is to have you, and that he loves you as much as I do. I know you love him. I know what we started began out of love for the others counterparts and that it grew into love for each other but still.. I want to believe he loves you now in the same way you let me love you. I want to believe he makes you smile when you're sad, that he holds you close during the cold nights, that he kisses away your tears when you cry and tells you constantly how special you are and how the beauty of your stars is nothing compared to the beauty you possess, both inside and out.
Let him love you, Sam. Don't feel guilty about what we had, or what you have with him. Don't forget about me but don't let me hold you back. Nothing would make me happier that to know you've found love and joy in the arms of your Jack from your reality.. Unless of course you were to return to me, but if you're getting this, I sadly don't think that's possible.
I've lost the point I was trying to make somewhere in the midst of this letter but knowing you, you'll be able to find it. You're smart like that.
I'll love you for all times and won't forget our time together. Remember me with a smile and no sadness. And if you haven't already told him you love him, tell him now. Life is too fleeting to waste, Angel. I had my happiness with my Sam, and I found that again with you. It's time you found it with the person you're supposed to be with. Let nothing get in your way.
All my love, respect, happiness and everything else a woman wants and gets from a man who loves her completely,
Your Jack. (The one from your home of a year - not like I'm expecting you to have forgotten me but just in case.)
/~/~/
Once again, they found themselves back on the mountainside. The Asgard had gone, the Quantum Mirror had been fixed and Daniel was currently trying to find the right reality. Sam and Jack had taken their leave and had chosen to spend as much time alone together as they could, both knowing their time was almost up.
" You could always stay." He murmured softly as she leaned against him, her eyes closed tightly. " We could go inside and tell Danny to stop looking.."
" We can't do that." Sighing, slightly alarmed when a large part of her started considering the option, Sam opened her eyes and reluctantly moved away. She needed to look at him again to memorise every detail of his face and the love in his eyes, convinced she'd never see it again. " To do that, we'd need more of a reason. General Hammond and his superiors would need more.."
" I love you. Isn't that a good enough reason?" Bringing a hand to her face, he tenderly cupped her cheek, heart breaking at the moisture in her eyes as she leaned into it.
Closing her eyes once again, Sam inhaled shakily in an attempt at keeping a grip of her composure. " I have to go, Jack. We both knew that if the opportunity arose, I'd have to go home."
" Not necessarily." He pulled her closer, resting his forehead against hers, staring at her intently. " You could always marry me."
" Excuse me?" Sitting back, she wore an expression of absolute surprise, convinced she heard him wrong.
Expecting him to backtrack or repeat what he'd said so she knew it wasn't what she thought he'd said, Sam was surprised when Jack took her hands, his eyes completely serious. " Marry me, Sam?"
" Jack.. I.." She continued watching in disbelief as he reached into his pocket and brought out a small red velvet ring box. Before he could open it, however, she reached out and covered her hand with his, keeping the lid to the box firmly closed. " No, Jack. Don't ask me that.. It isn't fair, you know I can't.."
" Why can't you?" Entwining his fingers with hers, the look he gave her was imploring. " You're happy here. We're happy here.. You can stay with me and.."
" And live most of my life cooked up in the mountain or in our apartment?" Almost pleading with him for understanding, Sam tightened her hold on his hands, willing her resolve to last for just a little bit longer. " Think about it, Jack, it wouldn't be fair on either of us. I'm technically dead here, we couldn't get married legally, we couldn't have a normal family and we couldn't do any of the things normal people do.."
" Normal is overrated." Jack managed a small grin, despite the pain of her rejection. " So I guess the answer's no?"
Chewing on her lower lip, Sam gave him a slight nod. " I'm sorry, Jack. I wish things were different but we both know I don't belong here. Not really."
" Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to accept." Swallowing hard, he lowered his gaze to their joint hands. He couldn't believe he was losing her again. He couldn't believe he'd let himself fall in love with the same woman twice.. and was going to eventually lose them both. " It hurts."
" I know it does." She leaned closer to him and brushed his lips with hers, the contact far too fleeting to be remotely satisfying. " It hurts me, too, but in the long run, this has to be for the best."
" You don't sound so convinced." Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her for all he was worth, knowing he was going to have to let her go eventually and hating himself for it.
Burying her face against him, a small depreciating smile curved up her lips. " Right now, I'm not. Right now, there's nothing I want to do more than go home with you and finish celebrating our anniversary but I know doing that would make saying goodbye so much harder."
They held onto each other for a long time, curled up in a world of their own. It was hard to accept that she was actually going home. She'd finally accepted that the possibility was nothing more than a pipedream and had made a new home for herself with new but at the same time old friends.. and Jack.
Knowing the longer she stayed the harder it would be to leave, Sam forced herself to break away and get to her feet, looking down on him sadly. " I have to go get ready.. I'll see you inside?"
" I'll be there in a minute." She nodded to acknowledge his answer and he watched as she walked away, from him and from their life together.
It hurt to know she had chosen to leave him but he knew staying wouldn't be fair. She was right, she'd have a limited existence in his reality and she deserved more than that. She deserved everything the world had to offer.
It still hurt, though.
Staying outside for a few minutes more, Jack tried to prepare himself for the hours and days ahead. At least he would get the chance to say goodbye this time, at least he would know she was alive and living her life somewhere else.. with someone else.
It hurt.
Getting to his feet, Jack slowly headed back to the SGC, his heart sinking with every step. This was it, this was goodbye. He had to let her go..
.. No matter how much it hurt.
~*~
Once again, he'd been nominated as the one designated to talk to Sam. He'd tried insisting he was the worst choice, telling them that if Doctor Kawalsky had brought bad news the Major wasn't going to confide in him but Doctor Fraiser, Daniel and Teal'c had ganged up on him, outvoting him three to one.
So that was why he was standing in the middle of her lab, frowning at the lack of her presence. He was about to turn away and head back to the commissary to tell them he couldn't find her when something caught his attention.
A letter on her desk. Peering closer, staring at the writing while trying not to read it, he was surprised to find it was vaguely familiar. Glancing around, he picked it up and, making sure there was no one watching him, he started reading.
Wow. Oh, wow.
She was.. It was him.. In a way.. They'd been.. Wow.
Shoving the letter in his pocket, Jack headed out of the lab and straight to the elevators. The situation might be different but the woman was the same. He'd bet anything he owned that she'd be sitting on the mountainside alone, in the same place he often went when he needed to get away from it all.
He wasn't disappointed. He found her sitting with her arms wrapped around herself, staring out into space, a forlorn expression on her face.
" Hey, Carter." His voice made her jump.
" Sir." Wiping at her cheeks, Sam started to get up but he stopped her with a hand - the hand holding the letter he'd re-read in the elevator on the way to the surface. " Oh."
" Yeah. Oh." Feeling awkward, Jack helped himself to a seat beside her, keeping a safe amount of distance between them as he surreptitiously watched her from the corner of his eye. " You okay?"
Shrugging, she let her chin drop to her knees. " Not really."
" You wanna talk about it?" Uncomfortably, still holding onto the letter meant for her, he shifted uneasily.
" Not really." There was a pause as she collected herself. She couldn't be like this, not in front of him. When she went home, when she was alone, she could grieve in peace for the man she'd lost. But now she owed the man sitting beside her an explanation of sorts. Besides, the silence gave her too much time to think. Time to think gave her time to grieve and feel guilty. " I'm sorry I didn't tell you that.. I'm sorry I didn't tell you who he was. I guess you kind of had a right to know. It must have been a surprise when you read the letter."
" Ah." Shuffling again on the ground where he sat, Jack lifted one shoulder in a shrug as he continued watching her subtlety. " I should apologise for reading it.. I just thought.. I couldn't find you and you disappeared pretty quick after Doctor Kawalsky went back.." He waited for her to say something, anything, but no response of any kind was forthcoming. After a while, he realised she wasn't going to volunteer any information without getting some sort of encouragement from him first. " So Kawalsky married Doc in that reality?"
The smallest of smiles flickered momentarily on her face. " They make a pretty great couple. It's a shame Janet never got the chance to meet him here."
" Yeah, it is." A distant glint appeared in his eyes as he thought back to all the people they'd lost along the way, his friend just one of them.. The alternate Colonel O'Neill being another. " So he.. The other me was married to the other you?"
" She died a few years before I arrived." Taking a deep breath, she realised the sooner she explained, the easier it would be. Waiting and thinking about it was only making it worse. The sooner it was over, the sooner she could go home. Alone. " They'd been married for a couple of years when she died. At first, we sort of used each other so we didn't feel quite so alone but.."
" But it changed. He fell in love with you." He didn't need to imagine how that could have happened; he understood how easy it would have been - on his counterpart's side. He found it a little harder to believe the feelings were mutual. " Did you..?"
Sighing softly, she raised her head enough so she could meet his eyes, no matter how difficult it actually was. " Did I return his feelings? Yes, I did. It would've been hard not to. I knew part of him would always love his wife and he knew that I would never forget y-where I came from." She shrugged and looked away, staring out into the distance. " I didn't think I was coming home. If I'd known.. If I'd know I was coming back and that I'd be sitting here with that letter feeling so damn guilty.."
" You feel guilty?" He edged a little closer, hating the moisture he could see gathering in her eyes. " What for?"
" For feeling like this. I loved him but at the same time.." The tears filling her eyes threatened to overflow them, her voice dangerously close to cracking under the strain of the emotions coursing through her. " I hurt him. I didn't mean to.. I didn't know I was doing it but.. I hurt him."
He wasn't sure he wanted to know but Jack couldn't stop himself from asking. " How?"
" I.. I had to find some way of separating the two of you in my head otherwise.. otherwise it would have been too confusing.. So I called him Jack, and you became 'my Colonel', 'my' Jack." The words came out in a rush. She moved a hand to her face to catch the tears that fell, hugging herself with the other arm. " I hurt him and I didn't even realise it until he told me in that damn letter that he was mine, too. He told Janet - the other Janet - he told her he loved me in my own right but I don't think he ever believed the same of me."
" I'm sure he knew, Carter." Jack wanted to comfort her but he didn't know how. How did you comfort someone mourning your death? It had been difficult when Doctor Carter from the other reality had come through the mirror.. it was worse now it was his Carter, grieving for someone else who was him but who wasn't at the same time. It didn't help that jealously played a small part in his dilemma, either. " Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"
" I thought that was what we were doing." Smiling a little in spite of herself, she turned her head and looked at him. " I really am sorry, Sir, for not telling you sooner about him. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.."
" Why would I feel uncomfortable?" And why did his voice sound so gruff?
" You read the letter." She refused to give into the urge to look away, squaring her shoulders as she answered the question. " You read what he said about everything. About how I feel about you."
Holding the letter up, he re-read it quickly, his eyes widening as he got to the part she was referring to. Oh, yeah. That. He'd read it, but it hadn't sunk in. Not until she'd highlighted it and brought it to his attention so he had no choice but to confront it. Clearing his throat, he lowered the letter again, his eyes reluctantly finding hers. " Is it true?"
" Does it matter?"
His eyes held hers even though he knew she wanted to look away. " Yes, it matters."
" It's true."
" Still? Even after..?" He motioned with his hand to indicate all that had happened.
Nodding, she answered with a sigh. " Still true. That's another reason for the guilt thing."
" Why?" Jack held the letter out for her to take. " He says himself he just wants you to be happy.. and that you're not supposed to feel guilty for however you feel."
" I guess." Sam sighed again, her shoulders slumping. She wanted to go home and she couldn't understand why he was making it more difficult by dragging out the conversation. He already knew she had feelings for him and she knew that she'd blown all and any chance the two of them had by getting involved with his alternate. So why didn't he just say so and leave? " This conversation is pretty pointless. If you don't have anything else to say, I'd like to go home now."
" We're not done yet.."
" Yes, we are, Sir." Pushing herself to her feet, she only just remembered to snatch the letter from his hand, careful not to tear it as she slid it into her pocket. " There's nothing more to talk about. He's gone, dead and buried. And because of my relationship with him, I'm never going to have the same kind of relationship with you so what's the point in having this whole conversation?"
" Hey! Wait up!" She was halfway back to the entrance before he was even on his feet. Chasing after her, he managed to grab her arm before she stepped into plain view of the SF's guarding the private door that led out onto the mountain. " Let me try and understand this. You think that because you were involved with him that you can't be involved with me?"
Defiantly meeting his gaze, Sam forced herself to stay put when all she really wanted to do was pull her arm away and leave. " It's true, isn't it? That's why you still haven't said anything about the regulations and how they've changed?"
" I haven't said anything because I thought you needed time to get over the guy you were involved with.. and then today I find out it was me!" He looked at her incredulously, loosening his grip on her arm, pleased when she made no attempt at walking away. " I thought you were the smart one, Sam. Why would I let that change how I feel about you? *How* could it change how I feel?" Tugging on her arm, he pulled her against him and she was so shocked, she forgot to protest.
" So.. You don't care that I was involved with..?"
" You should listen to what he says in your letter. It's all true." Shaking his head, he grinned when she started to slowly relax in front of him. " That Jack guy was pretty smart, you know."
" Colonel.. Jack.." Pulling away, he saw the smile on her face was only shadowed by the sadness in her eyes. " I know there's no real reason why we shouldn't.. Why we shouldn't give what there is between us a try.. But I'm going to need some time to get over.. I lost you, or a version of you, and I need to deal with that before I can open myself up to the possibility of going through it all again."
Nodding in agreement, he still kept hold of her hand as she took a small step away. " I understand that, Sam. We've got plenty of time. We'll take it slow, maybe start dating, and see how things go from there. Sound like a plan to you?"
" Sounds like a good plan to me." Giving him a thankful smile, she leaned in a little to press a chaste kiss to his lips - all she was prepared and able to share with him for now. " Thank you."
" For what?" Blinking in surprise at the kiss, he couldn't figure out why *she* was thanking *him*.
" I don't know," she smiled a little shyly. " For being you, I suppose."
Shrugging in acknowledgment, he tightened his grip on her hand and led her back to the place they'd been sitting, tugging her down next to him as he sat. As far as he was concerned, they had a lot of catching up to do. He was strangely at peace with the idea of her having a relationship with someone who was him but who also wasn't, but that didn't stop him from wanting to know her just as well as his counterpart obviously had. " So tell me about it."
" About what?"
" Everything. Anything. Whatever you want me to tell about."
" Why?"
" Because we've got five hours to kill until the sun sets and another couple of hours to kill till it rises and tomorrow's the beginning of everything so.. We should kinda stay awake for it."
" Where do I start?"
" At the beginning.. You're really supposed to be the smart one?"
" Jack.."
" What?"
" Shut up and let me talk."
~*~
" Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
with just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
I'll never know again
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
and you were there for me
And remember, Please remember me."
~ 'Please Remember', LeAnn Rimes
The End.
For those that missed it at the beginning, there was a *Fluff/Sap Warning*. Yes, I know it was sappy/would never happen/was kinda sickly but hey, everyone needs fluff once in a while ;)
Joey@Ram32.freeserve.co.uk - thoughts, feelings, comments and requests for a bucket all welcome.
Peace 'n' Jello,
Jo. R
Story Notes: AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is what comes of a) reading a story you started *a whole year* ago and haven't looked at since after some discouraging comments from *one* person, b) getting tipsy and c) re-watching POV whilst under the influence of alcohol mentioned in b).
AN. 2: (The sensible notes): Flashbacks will follow the /~/~/ symbol, ~*~ denotes a new section that isn't a flashback. All characters, asides from Sam, in the flashback scenes are from the Alternate Reality. Confused yet? Good.
DEDICATION: Ruthie, as usual, for being oh-so-eeevil in such a good way. Write, FCOL! ;) Jen, thank you for reading it through and inspiring me to finish the darn thing with your story! *hugs* Lena, thank you for your support - love ya! Kaz: don't worry, be happy!
Lynn, Saffy and Ruthie: Happy Early Birthday(s)!!!
~*~
AN. 2: (The sensible notes): Flashbacks will follow the /~/~/ symbol, ~*~ denotes a new section that isn't a flashback. All characters, asides from Sam, in the flashback scenes are from the Alternate Reality. Confused yet? Good.
DEDICATION: Ruthie, as usual, for being oh-so-eeevil in such a good way. Write, FCOL! ;) Jen, thank you for reading it through and inspiring me to finish the darn thing with your story! *hugs* Lena, thank you for your support - love ya! Kaz: don't worry, be happy!
Lynn, Saffy and Ruthie: Happy Early Birthday(s)!!!
~*~
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]