Finally, Sam thought, as she pulled into the drive. The normally routine trip home from the Mountain had seemed to take forever tonight. The last few days had seemed to last forever and she felt the telltale prick of tears - again. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Sam was able to pull herself together and once more stem the tide. She laughed humorlessly as she shut the engine off, you'd think she'd be used to people in her life dying by now.
Blowing her nose, she glanced uneasily at the darkened house, wondering what would be waiting for her inside. She took a deep breath, realizing it didn't really matter, they had to get through this together. She hurried up to the side door and let herself in with her shiny new key. Flipping on the light, she set her briefcase and coat down on the kitchen table, slowly surveying the room, nothing out of place. She shivered a bit, realizing the room was cold, and matching the chill she still felt in her heart. Sam went off in search of her lover; she really needed him tonight.
Sam found Jack in the living room, the room dark except for the glow from the fireplace, the flames casting dancing shadows on the walls. A bottle of single malt scotch sat on the coffee table, an empty glass next to it. In the flickering light she could see his face still held the same expression of numb acceptance that had been there ever since the whole dreadful business had begun. He didn't look her way or acknowledge her presence; he just kept staring at the fire. She kicked off her shoes and crossed the short distance to the sofa, sitting down next to him and curling up into his side. He put his arm around her, and she nestled even closer, resting her head against his shoulder, draping an arm loosely across his lap. She felt him kiss the top of her head.
"Did Jacob leave?"
"Yes," she nodded against his chest. "It's a miracle he even got our message at all."
She felt his body tense at her words, then slowly relax as he murmured, "Yeah, a miracle."
A miracle that hadn't worked, she thought sadly. She could feel the tears starting again. She hadn't broken down with her father or anyone else, while on base. She'd been the good soldier, strong and accepting. But here - in private and in her lover's arms - she didn't have to be strong, she could be herself. Finally giving in, she let all her pent-up grief for Daniel flow, sobbing helplessly in Jack's strong arms as he pulled her across his lap and more firmly into his embrace. She held him tightly as the sobs wracked her body, the tears flowing unchecked down her pale and drawn face, as she tried to burrow into him, seeking the warmth and comfort that only he could provide. Long minutes later, she finally calmed, taking deep shuddering breaths as his hand moved soothingly up and down her back. Dimly she could hear his deep voice, murmuring tender endearments and calming words. She sniffed loudly and reluctantly releasing her hold on him, wiped at her face with one of her hands. "Here, baby," his voice sounding about her head as he somehow managed to reach into his pocket and hand her his handkerchief.
"Thanks," she muttered, her voice raw from her tears. She took it gratefully and wiped her eyes, blowing her nose as well. Crumpling the piece of cloth in one hand, she shifted on Jack's lap, resting her head on his shoulder and twining the fingers of her other hand with his. "Tell me what really happened, Jack," she finally whispered. She had been there when he had told Hammond, Teal'c, Janet and her father what had happened; but she knew there had to be more than few painfully short sentences he'd used to describe his reasons for asking Sel'mac to stop the healing process. "Was he happy?"
Jack didn't say anything for a long time and Sam just sat quietly, letting the peace of the room flow through her. The steady rise and fall of Jack's chest, the strong, even beat of his heart, the sporadic crackle and hiss from the fire all acting to soothe her ragged heart.
"I think he was...content." Jack's voice rumbled through his chest beneath her ear.
"Content?" she questioned softly.
"Yeah," he said, his tone more confidant. "I think he felt sad to be leaving us, but he seemed certain that it was what he was, I don't know, destined to do."
"What did he look like, when you saw him?"
"He looked like himself, like Daniel. It wasn't until Sel'mac stopped and he actually..." Sam couldn't help but hold her breath as Jack stumbled a bit over the word, "...died, that he started to, ah, glow."
"You saw Oma Desala too?"
"I'm not sure, Sam. The whole thing seems more and more like a dream. Sometimes it's all clear, and then in the next moment, all blurry and cloudy. I just know that she was there, but I don't know if I saw her." He took a deep breath, "I do know that Daniel wanted to go with her."
"To save the world?" she asked softly.
"To save the universe, I think."
Sam tried to smile, but could feel the tears welling up again. "I'm going to miss him so much!" she managed to get out before once more starting to cry. Burying her face in his throat, she wept softly, unable to believe she still had tears left. Her weeping bout didn't last as long, and when it was over this time, she lay exhausted in Jack's arms. She felt totally drained, and looking at her lover's drawn and tired face, knew he felt the same. She started feeling worse, she'd been so focused on her pain and loss she that she had totally ignored Jack's. She reached up and tenderly caressed his cheek. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I keep forgetting that I'm not the only one who will miss Daniel." Jack turned his head slightly and kissed her palm. Sam let her hand glide down his neck and around to his nape, tenderly stroking his hair. "He was your friend, too."
"He was a pain in the ass." Sam snickered softly at his comment, resting her head comfortably against his shoulder and settling back into his arms. "But yeah, he was my friend and I'll miss him." Jack's arms tightened around her, "But you know, I don't think he's really gone too far."
"He's still with us in our memories? Or he's still with us in some kind of supernatural way?" she mused.
Jack snorted, his breath ruffling her hair. "Probably a little of both. This whole existential being - existing business is not really my specialty."
Sam actually laughed then. Trust Jack to bring things back down-to-earth, so to speak. "What did you tell him, when you said goodbye?" she asked, curious as to what her reticent lover's last words would have been.
"That I'd see him around."
"That's all?" she asked, somewhat surprised, even knowing that this was Jack O'Neill.
"Hey, I'm a guy," he protested, his voice laced with dry humor. "We don't talk about our feelings with other guys!"
"Even with Daniel?" she questioned, surprised and yet not so surprised at his statement.
"Okay, I did tell him I'd grown kind of fond of him."
"Fond?" She heard the undercurrents of deep emotion in his voice, and instinctively knew that in spite of his emotionless facade, Daniel's 'death' had affected him deeply.
"Yeah, you know, gotten kind of used to having him around, getting into trouble, causing trouble...that kind of fond."
"Is that the same kind of fond you feel for me?" she teased him, though the intent behind her question was voiced seriously enough.
"No, I feel a lot more than fond for you."
"I'm glad I didn't wait, Jack." She sighed, sliding her arms around him snuggling deeper into his embrace, nuzzling her cheek against his chest.
"For what?"
"To tell you how I really felt." Though her tone was somewhat light, she meant every word. She turned in his embrace, so that she could see his face. Her earnest blue eyes focusing on his shadowed brown. "That I love you. That I'm glad I finally took the risk - regardless of the consequences - to tell you my feelings, instead of waiting until it was too late."
"I'm glad you did too," Jack murmured, his expression lightening as he spoke. "Funny how it takes a life and death situation to open up our eyes." Sam shuddered slightly at his words as she remembered her kidnapping - the life and death event that had motivated her decision to finally confess her love to Jack.
"Which reminds me..." he continued, his eyes suddenly bright with an emotion should couldn't identify right away. "There's something I need to tell you."
Sam's heart skipped a beat, then started racing as she searched his face. Could this actually be the moment? In the time they'd been together, Jack had never said the one thing she craved to hear.
"I love you."
Tears once more started to fill her eyes, but this time they were tears of happiness. Sliding one of her hands up to the back of his neck, she urged his head down towards hers and as their lips met she sent a quick thank you to Daniel - wherever he was - for being a friend, right to the end and beyond.
THE END
scorkill@earthlink.net
Story Notes: Feedback: Cheerfully accepted.
Author's notes: Just a little something I wanted to write post-Meridian. Enjoy!
Author's notes: Just a little something I wanted to write post-Meridian. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]