Sometimes taking a risk is unavoidable. You find yourself between that infamous rock and damnable hard place and you realize that the only thing that can or will give... is you. It isn't about being brave, or being noble, or anything besides just doing what you have to do to stay alive. It's being made utterly choiceless and then being expected to grin and bear and survive it. Like when we were attached through the 'Gate to the planet being sucked up by a black hole... someone needed to repel across the room and set the bomb. Two someones, and they ended up being me and Frank Cromwell. Despite the issues we had with each other, never mind the personal factors involved; it had to be us. No two ways about it, no discussion or debate about alternative strategies or ordering anyone else to make the trip. It had to be me, it had to be us, and we both understood that. Unfortunately, only one of us lived to brood over it.
Sometimes taking a risk is an customary and necessary evil, one that comes with the territory. You may not have much time to do so, but you weigh the pros and cons; you consider the situation and you decide where to go from there. Sometimes your course of action comes solely from gut instinct, and you do what you think and feel is right, throwing out the conventional wisdom and your own common sense in the process. *That* got me stranded on a planet for three months. Sometimes you welcome the safety net of your orders, your precursors, your superiors -- the life you deigned to lead and all its trappings -- because it frees you from making the hard choices yourself. All that remains is to fall back on what you were taught and told, and when consequences came about, to blame them on the puppeteers yanking on your strings. That particular approach has never turned out well for me. It might have something to do with the fact that the people who wrote the rules to this game, this game that's become my life, never imagined how the circumstances might one day change.
Sometimes taking a risk is a conscious choice. You have the power to make a decision, and you make it -- sometimes mindful of the aftereffects, sometimes heedless of them. When Daniel, Carter, Teal'c and I skipped off Earth after Kinsey had shut us down... when SG-1 minus Teal'c disobeyed direct orders IN order to blow up Apophis's new toy... There's pressure there - to act one way or another - but no matter how you try and justify it the ultimate choice is yours and yours alone. It's a power that we all have, each and every one of us, It's freedom. And, naturally, with that power comes great responsibility.
Sometimes the choice to take a risk is simply taken out of your hands. Other times it's dropped in your lap. Sometimes you take it and run with it. In any case, the consequences accumulate, and as they do so they create the paradox we know as our lives. Our entire existence is nothing more than problems faced, decisions made, and risks taken. Reasons vary - outcomes waver - control is an illusion. And there are many times when I'm forced to simply sit back in awe of the paths in our lives that we have etched out with the choices we have made, the results - the good and the bad - and the way they all led to this moment when there were so many other possibilities to be realized.
Sometimes the greatest and most treacherous risks are the ones we put ourselves in without knowing, without warning or prelude, without care or thought of what could come from it. And when that happens, it's not so much a decision as it is an unquestionable reality. You're between that rock and that hard place, and you can try to fight it... or you can realize that a big part of taking risks is knowing when they're well worth taking.
I ring the doorbell and then step back, looking through the lighted windows and waiting for the door to open. My heart is pumping, my hands are sweating, and suddenly this seems about as smart as stepping into the midst of Gou'ald forces. I don't know why I'm here: it's late. It's inappropriate, especially considering what happened today, things said that can never be forgotten or rescinded because their truth is scientific fact. But I had to take the risk and come here anyway. No two ways about it. It's a gut feeling... it's a power and a responsibility that I can't just dismiss.
The door opens.
"Sir? What are--"
Sometimes you take risks because they're worthwhile.
"Carter... Sam. We need to talk."
Sometimes you take risks for love.
FINI
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