Sam Carter was excited.
Not that Gate travel once or twice a week had become routine or anything, but this particular trip was gonna be special. Six weeks ago they had made contact with a race of people called the Tegoan. To say that they where an advanced civilisation was an exercise in understatement.
The difference with this advanced culture (as opposed to, say the Nox and Tollan) was that they where willing to share their scientific knowledge with the people of earth, well more specifically with SG- 1.
So as Sam finished zipping up her jacket, it was with a thrill if excitement of new discoveries that made this trip through the Stargate even more enticing than normal. However what our genius Major did not know, that this trip was not only gonna change a few things for the scientific community in general, but that it was also gonna turn her own life upside down right along with it.
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As SG-1 stepped through the Tegoan side of the wormhole, Sam's eyes where immediately drawn to the tallest member of the greeting party. He was very tall and cute in a rather "alien" type way, but he had the most amazing dark brown eyes that she had ever seen without looking at her Colonel.
Smiling to herself, she hadn't realised that she had been staring until a certain CO decided to interrupt her thoughts in his usually charming way.
"Um, Major, when you have finished admiring the "scenery" these nice folks have, according to Daniel, offered us some refreshment after our trip. Now don't you think it might be a bit rude to stand 'em up on a first date?"
Immediately swinging her head around to face his chuckling brown eyes, she felt her stomach make the now familiar aerial dive at 8+ G's, how did he manage to make her feel like this? Years of self- preservation however, allowed her to focus back on the relevant issue. It was only then she noticed the rest of her team and the greeting party had begun to move towards the city that lay in front of them that she realised her obviousness.
Without giving the Colonel any form of answer, she began to follow the rest of the group, but she didn't catch the look of confusion that passed over Jack O'Neill's face as she walked past him. She was too busy mentally comparing two sets of dark brown eyes.
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Jack O'Neill did not like this planet and he did not like these people. He knew that with a certainty. But he also knew that his judgement was totally illogical, based on nothing more than the behaviour of one Tegoan towards a member of his team.
The problem was that this time, there was no threat or mistreatment to hide behind. In fact it was the exact opposite. Yoshan had been the model of politeness, and Jack knew that he was genuinely interested in a friendship with Humans, but it was his interests of friendship with one particular human that was annoying the living hell out of Jack.
Kicking the dirt from under his feet, he watched closely at the blossoming interaction between Yoshan and his second in command.
They had been on Tegoa for a week and Jack had watched with growing annoyance and frustration as Sam had gradually let Yoshan get closer and closer to her. He had watched the glances and smiles and touches and gentle laughter, remembering that not so long ago those smiles and touches and laughter were directed at him. Although Sam still laughed at Jack's jokes and smiled that special smile at him, Jack knew that those smiles and glances where no longer unique to him.
Right now, he watched as Yoshan was explaining some new scientific doohickey to her. Her face lit up with interest and her eyes were sparkling. He watched as Yoshan laughed back into her eyes and said something to her that made her laugh. Jack's fists involuntarily curled tightly at his side. Damn it, that was his job, no one else's.
The fact that he *knew* he was jealous, only served to add fuel to his fire. Couple that with that fact that Jack knew that between Sam and Yoshan, there are no regulations that demanded that a confession of love had to be "left in a room" and you can imagine the thoughts our delicious colonel was entertaining at this point.
But before he could do anything about his burgeoning loathing for the man who was giving earth so much, Daniel interrupted his plans of prolonged torture and slow killing.
"Jack, I think we're ready to go back to Earth to arrange the treaty. One of the leaders is going to come back with us, to make sure the wording and context is correct and…"
Jack didn't bother listening to the rest of Daniel's excited babble. He knew from experience that it was better to cut him off now before he really got on a roll. Besides at least if they where going home, it meant that he could get Sam away from Yoshan.
"Ok Daniel. Get Teal'c and gather up the gear and let's move out!" He slung the comment over his shoulder. Right now the only thing on his mind was going to dampen the new little aliens attempts on *his* major.
He walked over to where Sam and Yoshan where now laughing together much more intimately than Jack wanted or needed to see. It was an intimacy that Jack felt should only be reserved for him, not for an alien who lived a billion miles away. But thanks to many years of Black Ops, he carefully managed to school his expression into one of composed command.
"Major, it's time to leave. Daniel is ready to go home to sort out the treaty." His voice was cool and calm, but Sam knew him well enough to recognise the betraying hint of darkness that covered his eyes and although it intrigued her, her over riding emotion at that moment was disappointment at having to leave. A cloud that covered her own face and one that covered the face of Yoshan. A cloud that Jack did not fail to see and a cloud that darkened his own soul.
"Yes Sir. But may I request to remain behind. There is so much I can learn simply by being here and talking with Yoshan and it isn't like I'm needed for the negotiations." Her eyes had taken on that look that would normally persuade Jack to let her do anything. But this time, Jack realised that it was not for the science that she wanted to stay, and that cut his heart into a million tiny shards.
"Sir, it isn't like I am in any danger here"
"Colonel O'Neill" " I can assure you that Samantha will be under my personal protection and she will be perfectly safe here"
"Oh I'm sure she will Yoshan" Jack replied with that edge to his voice that balanced on the contemptible side of sarcasm. his mind raged.
Looking once more into his Majors eyes, he could see that he was choice less. She was clearly showing him where and with whom she wanted to be. Well that was just fine by Jack O'Neill. He knew when he was beaten. He just didn't have to like it or the desolation that swept his soul at the thought. But as usual denial of pain was Jack's stock in trade, he just never thought he would have to do it because of Sam, especially not now, not after the Zaytark thing.
"Whatever you want Major. See you in a week" And with that he turned and left without once looking back. Which was a good call because otherwise he would have been witness to a brief moment of longing, quickly interrupted by a shared smile and then a shared embrace that Jack really didn't need to witness.
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Jack had been wondering around the base like a bear with a sore head. No one could say anything to him without a biting comeback or even worse a good old fashioned dressing down. Hammond, Janet, Teal'c and even Daniel who although exceptionally busy with the treaty had all tried in vain to talk to him, to find out what was wrong. But Jack was in too much pain to let anyone see.
Everytime he closed his eyes, the only thing he could see was Sam, and the way she smiled at Yoshan and the way he smiled back. He knew that smile; he'd lived that smile. Sam had got under his skin like no one else, but he had been bound by rules and a sense of honour that would not let him ruin her career, she was too special for him to do that. Even when they had finally got around to admitting it to each other (and to themselves) they had "left it in the room" for the sake of careers.
"Jack! Wait up"
Jack groaned. Daniel was back, no doubt ready for a second try at "talking".
"Danny, leave me alone… I'm fine; maybe a little tired, but fine. Thank you for asking, now goodbye"
"Jack, you're not fine and you're tired because I know for a fact that for the last two nights you have spent on base you have not slept at all. Now please, tell me what's wrong!" Jack saw the determination in his friend's eyes. Many people underestimated Daniel, but Jack had long since learned not to, especially when he had that look in his eyes.
"So what Daniel? I'm not sleepy" Even the attempt at his familiar sarcasm sounded hollow.
"Jack I know this has something to do with Sam and her staying behind on Tegoa."
Jack said nothing, but the momentary flash of pain that crossed his eyes was not missed by our esteemed little archaeologist.
"It's because of Yoshan, isn't it Jack?"
This time Jack didn't even bother to look at Daniel, he just turned and walked away in the other direction.
Daniel thought for a moment and then smiled, if there was one thing guaranteed to wake any man up to what he was missing, it was good old- fashioned jealousy. Now he just hoped to heaven that Sam wasn't doing anything stupid like falling in love with another man. Did she not know that she was meant for a certain stubborn and sarcastic colonel? At least that was the opinion shared by the base staff, a CMO, and alien warrior and a certain general, who rumour had it had money riding on those two.
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Sam sat in what had now become her regular place. Yoshan was showing her a mineral ore that was capable of powering an entire city, and although she was scientifically absorbed in what she was learning, her thoughts kept drifting to the man at her side. Yoshan was a wonderful man. Kind and sweet with a mind and intelligence that astounded her. She knew that she was not only interested in his science, but she also knew deep down that there was something missing.
"Samantha" he laughingly chided "your thoughts are drifting once more. Would you like to rest?" He had the kind of smile that lit up his eyes and it always brought an answering smile of her own.
"No, I'm fine Yoshan. I'm just a little distracted that's all"
"Well, may I suggest a walk around the Volush? It gives a beautiful view of the city and your stargate. I would love for you to see it with me before your friends come back" He stood up and ever so gallantly offered her his hand. An action that rung a giggle from her as she got up and allowed him to lead her.
"Your laughter is wonderful Samantha," he said laughing back at her. But although she was smiling at him, he had seen the moment of liquid light that had crossed her eyes at the mention of her friends and it was something that troubled him.
As they finally reached the top of the Volush, Sam stood open mouthed at the sight that greeted her. It was truly the most spectacular view she had ever seen in her entire life.
"Yoshan, this is truly amazing!" Her eyes darted everywhere, trying to take in all that she could see.
"I am pleased that you like it, Samantha"
"Oh I do! I bet it's wonderful at night. The sky must be covered in stars! Colonel O'Neill would love it up here!" Sam hadn't realised the significance of what she had said, but Yoshan had and it troubled him even more.
"Thank you for bringing me here. I can't tell you how beautiful it is!" Sam was childlike in her enthusiasm, and it brought Yoshan out of his thoughts.
" I thought it only fitting, as it mirrors your beauty Samantha." He saw the blush creep up her cheeks and stain them a tint of rose and that sight steeled his resolve even further. "Samantha, I think I am, as we say… loving you"
Sam was stunned, but not entirely unhappy at the prospect, although some part of her mind was screaming that this was wrong, she buried it deeply because that part of her had the power to hurt her so much.
"That's funny, Yoshan. Because that is how we say it too" She took a step closer towards him "I wonder what other things we share?" And with that she lifted her lips to his.
When they pulled away, both smiling at the other, Sam was aware that something didn't feel quite right, but was defiantly unwilling to analyse it. Yoshan on the other hand felt the same thing, but he knew why and that feeling was reinforced when Sam noticed the stargate activating.
"Yoshan they're back!" He saw that same flash of light in her eyes again as he smiled at her and allowed himself to be taken back down to ground level.
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Jack had been half-dreading and half anticipating this moment for a week. He didn't know what he would find or how he would handle what he did find.
Daniel knew what was going on in Jack's head, he too was unsure about how things were gonna turn out from here on in. The only thing that he knew for sure was that he was going to be there for either of his friends if they needed him to be.
Teal'c also knew exactly what was going on around him, although he had preferred to stay silent on the topic and just observe the actions of those around him. Waiting for an opportunity to discover how this would effect the relationship of two of his closest friends.
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Sam had basically run her way to the gate, so she and Yoshan arrived virtually as soon as her team came through the gate.
The first thing noticed by all was that another, a hand that most certainly did not belong to her colonel, tightly held her hand. The second thing noticed by all was the pain that sliced across said colonel's face and the third thing that was noticed was by Yoshan, and that was Sam's reaction to seeing that particular man hurting.
"Daniel, Teal'c, Colonel. It's so good to see you! You wont believe how much has gone on, how much I've learned!" Sam enthused
"Oh I just bet we won't *major*!"
Although Jack had promised himself that he would not betray his feelings, the sight of Sam holding the alien's hand was enough to knee-jerk him out of his promise. But it was Yoshan who broke the palpable tension.
"Colonel O'Neill, I am delighted to welcome you back to Tegoa and I have been asked by the ruling committee to invite you and your team to stay for the celebration that will mark the Formation of the Treaty. We would be honoured if you would join us"
Before Jack could answer in a way that may have been more detrimental than anything, Daniel decided to help out a little.
"Of course we would be honoured Yoshan, please convey that to your Committee"
With that Yoshan realised that he had been politely dismissed, but before he turned to leave, his pride would not let him go without at least getting even. With that, he pulled Sam's hand to his lips, kissed it gently and said only. " I am looking forward to seeing you Samantha!"
Jack had never felt a stronger urge to knock someone's teeth down their throat before that moment. Not even Martouf (RIP) evoked such deep festered hatred so quickly.
This time it was Teal'c who ran interference between the two officers who where most definitely on a collision course.
" I am most pleased to see you again Major Carter. Would you do me the honour of escorting me to the campsite and conveying to me your findings?" Sam smiled a genuine smile of friendship for Teal'c and Daniel, but the look she sent Jack let him know he was not in her good books.
The funny thing was, that all the while Sam was telling Teal'c and Daniel about her discoveries. Her mind was still analysing her feelings. Yes, she knew she cared for Yoshan, he was a wonderful man. But she also had to admit that there was something missing, a certain irreverent sarcasm and a light in deep chocolate eyes that made 8+ G's a daily event.
Yoshan had that effect too, but he pulled about 6 G's on the stomach dive scale. Normally Sam would not have allowed herself to settle for second best, but in this case she knew she could never have her first choice, not without giving up everything both of them had ever worked for. But it wasn't like Yoshan didn't make her happy, because he did; he made her very happy.
He just wasn't Jack.
But "different is good" she chanted to herself.
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Jack had left the party early. He had been sitting on the ridge near their campsite for the last two hours trying to stop himself hurting. But he couldn't.
Sam had spent the night with her team, but Jack could tell that her thoughts where far removed from them. From him. But there was nothing he could do, Sam had made her choice now, and he had to respect that, however much it hurt.
He knew he had been brusque with her ever since they had come back through the gate, but at the party he had tried to make her smile and laugh at him like she used to. It had seemed to be working too, that was until Yogi (or whatever the Hell he was called) had come over and asked her to dance. Of course she had accepted and rather than watch him holding her so close Jack chose (probably for the first time) the diplomatic route and had left.
However, he had continued to torture himself by sitting up here, he could still see everything which meant that he could see that Sam had now moved over to Yoga and was sat far too close to him for Jack's liking. But what could he do. This was no more than he deserved after all. He could have told Sam that he wasn't going to "leave it in the room" and he could have retired to save court martial, but he hadn't and this was fate's way of laughing at his cowardice.
Suddenly he heard a noise from behind him. He didn't even have to turn to know that it was Danny and Teal'c returning to camp for the night, most notably minus Sam.
"Jack, don't worry. Sam isn't stupid, she'll be fine" Daniel tried to encourage
"I concur O'Neill, Major Carter is in no danger. I would not have left had I thought otherwise"
Although Jack appreciated his friends' attempts, it wasn't her being in danger that worried him.
"Well goodnight Jack"
"Sleep well O'Neill"
Again Jack did not answer. His eyes where totally focused on the woman that Fate would not allow him to love in the way he wanted to. Suddenly she whispered into Yoda's ear, and they both got up and hand in hand walked into his house. It was at that moment that Jack realised that only once before in his life had he felt real pain, and then he really hated Carter for being the one to make him feel that way again.
But at least he now knew just where on the scale he came with Carter.
"Nah Daniel" he said to no one in particular "she won't do anything stupid, she's only gonna break my heart"
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As Sam entered the small but lovely house that belonged to Yoshan, her heart was hammering. She had never felt so nervous about anything before, but then again she had never slept with an alien before either. The hardest part though was convincing herself that this is what she wanted and that she was in no way obligated to Jack O'Neill, he had no hold over her as she had none with him.
Why then do I feel like I am betraying him?
"Samantha? Are you Ok?" I hear him ask his voice quiet but worried about my sudden change of attention.
"I'm fine Yoshan, it's just…." I know I can't finish that sentence, but suddenly I don't need to. He silences me by placing a finger against my lips.
"Samantha there is something I wish to say to you and I do not think that you will like to hear it. But for my own honour I must say it so please do not interrupt me. This is harder for me than I thought possible" I just nodded my assent. I swear part of me knew what was coming next, and part of me fell in love with Yoshan for having the honour to say it. The other half of me knew that I was going to be very, very angry, but not at Yoshan, never at Yoshan.
"Samantha, I did not lie to you when I said that I felt love for you. I do, but I cannot allow either of us to be fooled because of hope. I know that you cannot love me like I love you. You are not able to give me your soul because your heart belongs to another. I cannot allow myself to be second to anyone when I chose the woman I am to love. So as hard as this is for me, I have to let you go Samantha. I have to let you go back to him." Yoshan's eye had begun to mist over (like mine) and his voice had cracked, but I knew that what he was doing was for the best. I couldn't ask him to live in the knowledge that he was second.
"Yoshan, I am so sorry. I never ever meant to hurt you. I just thought…"
"I know you did Samantha, I just wish it could have been different, but you cannot argue with your heart, you should never even try"
With that he pulled me into the tightest hug I have ever been in. The pain I felt at causing such a wonderful man so much hurt was tangible. So as I cried Yoshan held me, after I'd done crying, I got mad. I got so angry with Jack O'Neill. Why did I have to love him? Why did he have to stop me from being happy, because I know I could have been with Yoshan. Why did Jack O'Neill have to keep hurting me like this?
Why do I keep letting him?
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As Sam came up over the ridge the next morning to help the others break camp she knew that things had changed between her and Jack, but she was not going to hide from them, or from him. He had come between her and happiness (well as close as she was going to get to it) whether he knew it or not was not the issue, it was because of him and the effect he had on her, that Yoshan called it off.
Jack saw her almost immediately, and his first reaction was to feel his blood boil. He was so angry that she had slept with Yoshan and even more angry that she could hurt him so deeply without even knowing or apparently caring that she was doing it. He knew he had no right to feel this way, she was young, free and single, and she could do what she liked. But feel this way he did, and that wasn't going to change by trying to convince himself with clichés. The way Jack saw it, like it or not, fair or not, she had betrayed and hurt him and he was having a hard time with that.
"Morning Major. Trust you slept well. Oh, wait that's right, you didn't sleep… maybe I should have said 'enjoyable evening' instead?
Both Daniel and Teal'c stiffened at the uncharacteristic malice in Jack's words, both knew that this was gonna be the start of WW3 judging by the look on Sam's face. The sad part about it was both could also see that it was the fact that they loved each other so deeply which was right at this moment tearing them apart, and neither Daniel or Teal'c could do anything to stop it. "Actually *Sir* I did have a wonderful evening. Thank you for asking!"
Both had stiffened into defensive postures, kinda like two wounded animals ready to strike.
"So Major, was he worth leaving your post for, or did you forget you still have a duty to this team?" Jack was deceptively calm, but the undercurrent to his words was lethal.
"Oh yes Sir, he was worth it. I'd go again in a second. But what do you care about it?" Sam too was now poised with the killer strike.
"Oh Major, I don't care, I just wanted to know whether or not on the next world with life forms I'd have to watch for you going sleeping around with the first guy you find..."
Jack didn't get to finish the sentence. He was hit with a vicious slap that rung out so loud that it startled the birds nearby.
"You two faced, arrogant son of a bitch!!!!" and with that she walked over to her tent and began to calmly pack her gear away.
Jack simply stood on the same spot for a few seconds, looking grim and wishing to god he'd remembered how hard Sam could actually hit. But he said nothing, because the pain on his face was nothing compared to the pain in his heart, because he knew now that he had surely lost her, which was nothing less than he deserved.
Having stood witness to the previous scene Daniel and Teal'c where both shocked at the venom displayed between the two command members.
"Major Carter hitting O'Neill was not a good thing DanielJackson. I believe our hopes of them finding each other are over now!
Daniel was smiling.
"Don't be so sure Teal'c, a woman only slaps a man like that for one reason and a man only accepts it without argument for one reason. Its called love, deep, strong, passionate love."
Daniel thought for a moment longer.
"I won't be long Teal'c, I'm just gonna go back down to the city, I need to speak with Yoshan. Don't tell Jack or Sam where I have gone" With that the archaeologist left on what turned out to be the most interesting fact finding mission of his career.
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3 WEEKS LATER: SGC
"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter. Report to General Hammond's office immediately!"
Sam was working in her lab when the announcement came over the PA system.
"Great!" she muttered to herself. She hadn't spoken to Jack since they had returned from Tegoa and she didn't want to start now. Of course they had been on missions, and she had had to speak to him then, but she had been clinical and military and so far detached that she knew she was driving her Colonel insane. Although she had to admit, Jack was playing the same game too, and no matter what she said or did with Daniel (so jack could hear) he did not once react, and that was driving her nuts too.
"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter. Report to General Hammond's office immediately!" The PA system sounded again, and she knew she had no choice. But how bad could it be she only had to keep it professional and it would be fine.
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Jack was the first to arrive at the General's office. Knocking respectfully, he waited until he was invited in.
"Sit down Colonel"
"Yes Sir, so what's wrong?"
"I'd prefer to wait for Major Carter Son"
"Yes Sir" Jack replied as he picked up a paperweight and started balancing on his fingers.
Hammond suppressed a chuckle, he knew what Jack was doing, and after a very enlightening conversation with Dr. Jackson, he decided to stir the pot a little.
Jack however, did not like this one bit. He knew Daniel had been to see Hammond and he knew Hammond had noticed the change of the dynamic in the team, Hell you'd have to be blind not to have. So him asking to see him and Sam together only meant one thing.
Trouble.
Just then a knock sounded at the door, not as sharp and bold as the first, but loud enough anyway.
After Hammond's second invitation to enter, Sam walked into the room. Not once even so much as glancing in the direction of Jack. Hammond hid a grin. Man when these fireworks went off… Look out! But he remembered an old saying of his wife's. "The stronger the gunpowder, the bigger the explosion, the more spectacular the result!"
"Ok, Colonel, Major. Now that you are both here, I'll begin. With no interruptions. Understood?" Looking from Colonel to Major and back again, he received the affirmative head movements that he was looking for.
"Well then, let's begin."
Jack noticed the glint in his General's eyes, this was not gonna be fun.
Sam looked at Hammond, she wasn't quite sure what to make of this yet, but if Jack was here as well, it wasn't gonna be pretty.
"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter. It has come to my attention, that there has been negative change in your relationship with each other. Now, up until now I have been willing to overlook it in favour of letting you both air your differences without any external interference. However, it has been made abundantly clear by both of you that that is just not going to happen. Now for the sake of SG-1 I suggest that this little "hiccup" is solved and solved quickly, because I will not have my tow best officers on my frontline team hardly speaking to each other. Now I warn you both, if this continues for very much longer, one of you will be removed from SG-1 entirely. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
The General glanced from one officer to the other, trying valiantly to keep his face straight. They both just sat there; completely stunned.
"Now, I'm gonna leave you two hear for one hour… a guard will not let you out the door until that hour is passed. I want to see some kind of resolution here people. Understood?"
With that the General walked out and if Jack hadn't been so defensive already, he could have sworn that he heard him chuckle.
For at least half of the allotted time period, neither spoke, or even looked at each other for that matter. Jack was busy playing with the paperweight again and Sam was just staring off into the pictures behind Hammond's desk.
After about 45 minutes, Jack dropped the paperweight for about the 100th time and Sam finally snapped.
"Will you *please* stop doing that! For cryin' out loud!"
Now if Jack wasn't being so childish, he would have picked up on the significance of Sam's line, but did he? Well what do you think?
Jack looked momentarily at her, her stunning blue eyes sparkling with a fire that he loved to see, but now the only thing that made him think of was that she had looked a Yogi like that.
"Why the hell should I do as you want me to. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I *am* the CO around here!" his voice had raised louder than he had wanted by the end of the sentence, but in true Sam Carter fashion, she was not subdued by something that many had been in the past.
"When it suits you you're the CO, when it doesn't it's all to easy for you to switch off, and forget about us isn't it Colonel?"
"What the Hell are you talking about Major!"
Sam hated to fall back on clichés, but this time she knew it would serve to infuriate him even more, so she did.
"Well if you don't know, *I* am certainly not going to tell you!"
If Jack had been a violent man, he would have hit something very hard. But as it stood, he restrained himself, he was after all in his general's office and he had already knocked had a wall down!
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From outside the battle zone, Daniel, Teal'c and Hammond where stood listening to the two.
"This is going to take longer than we thought General" Muttered Daniel.
"Oh I wouldn't be so sure about that Dr. Jackson. We still have a few aces up our sleeves"
As Teal'c's eyebrow shot up Hammond began detailing part 2 of their plan.
Just as he had finished the door to his office flew open and Jack came bouncing out, only to be stopped by the SF on guard.
"Airman, Move out of my way. That is an order!" said Jack in a tone that would have under normal circumstances made the SF do it and do it quickly.
"Colonel O'Neill, you where told you could not leave for one hour. Or are you going to disobey a direct order!" Barked Hammond.
"Fine General. Whatever you say!" And with that Jack returned to the office and counted every second of the remaining minutes and as soon as his time was up, he was gone so fast that you'd have swore he had the armbands back on. Sam followed shortly after and in clipped tones told the General.
"Sir, I believe that for the interests of the team, it would better for me to be reassigned to another SG team. Colonel O'Neill and I can now longer work and function together as we should and therefore I am formally requesting a transfer" With that she turned on her heal and left, but not before the three men saw the unmistakable hake of her shoulders and the wipe of her eyes.
"Dr. Jackson, I believe it's your turn" Clipped the General. This was harder than he thought. But it was gonna be worth it to see those fireworks.
Daniel merely nodded and went in search of Jack, knowing that if there was any hope of fixing this problem he was going to have to risk having Jack do some major bodily harm to him. Jack had never been one to be woken up to the truth easily and Daniel wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of being the one to have to do it.
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Jack had gone straight to his office and he was steaming. Who the hell did she think she was! It wasn't him who had casually slept around with the first alien that came along, was it? It wasn't him who had told him he loved her one-minute and then in the very next breath waved her new lover in front of his face, was it?
Just as his conscience was about to answer in ways that Jack wasn't ready for, at least to the first question, Daniel burst in through the unlocked door.
"Jeez Daniel, don't you ever knock?"
"No Jack, not when I'm about to tell you a few home truths about Sam and your behaviour!"
"Daniel, do not even start. I don't want to hear this, so please just leave. Sam has made it perfectly clear where she stands and who am I to spoil it for her" The sarcasm was tangible, but Daniel could here the bitter pain and regret in his voice.
"Oh you're no one Jack, you're only the man that loves her and the man she loves back!" at that point Daniel actually felt himself almost duck for cover as he saw the look in his friend's eyes.
"Daniel" Jack warned in a tone that gave the distinct impression of a man only just holding onto his temper "Get out. You have no idea what you are talking about!"
"No Jack, I'm not going anywhere. I do know what I'm talking about and you are gonna stay right here until I have said my piece and *that* is none negotiable!"
Jack was stunned, he knew Danny was fiery when he had something he firmly believed in, but Woah. Daniel carried on, only showing a brief smile at the fact that Jack had sat down and was watching him.
"Jack, I know all about the little confession at Anise's test. So, for that matter does the entire base, including General Hammond. It wasn't news to anyone, in fact we have been waiting for this for a good long time" Daniel only just suppressed the smug smile as he saw the shock register on Jack's face, but he also saw the pain flash across his eyes.
"Also, before I came home, I went to see Yoshan" Now the pain turned to loathing "he's really a great guy Jack. You should hear what he said"
"I don't wanna know what he said, I can very well imagine!"
"No Jack, I don't think you can. He said quite a few things that I think will interest you. So don't be such a blind hypocritical fool and listen to someone else for a change!"
Once more Jack was stunned into silence. As Daniel, who was now most definitely on a roll continued.
"Jack, he said that he loved Sam so much, that he couldn't let her stay with him when her heart so obviously belonged to another. He said that Sam could only ever love once, but it would be forever and that man she did love was not him, it was a blind Colonel who had no idea of what he was throwing away because of rules!"
Jack squashed the brief flicker of hope brutally. It didn't matter now.
"Daniel, if that's right, if she really does love me, then why the hell did she sleep with him?"
"Jack, you of all people have the least amount of right to ask that question. Why did you sleep with Lara, I mean you loved Sam then, but you still slept with Lara!"
"That was different Daniel!"
"How Jack, explain to me how that was different!"
Daniel's voice was by now the louder of the two, because this was one subject he had been waiting to get Jack on for a long time. Jack had not held Sam while she cried, Jack had not cared that she had spent every waking moment getting him back, only to be squashed.
"It's different Daniel, because I thought I could never have Sam, I thought she was lost to me forever. I was trying to build a new life and not think about any of you because it hurt so much!"
Daniel actually felt a burst of sympathy then, but he carried on anyway.
"Jack, Sam thought she could never have *you*. You where lost to her, only it was even harder for her to deal with because she knew that you loved her, but that you could never be together. She was trying to move on Jack and I *will Not* let you punish her for that!"
The sudden light of understanding that hit Jack was unmistakable. In one of those rare moments of clarity, he understood, he really understood and that was a realisation that brought a fresh wave of pain surging through him. How could he have treated her like that? No wonder she hated him.
Daniel watched on, reading the thoughts that where cascading across his friend's features.
"She doesn't hate you Jack, you've just hurt her, badly and you need to go and fix it. She loves you Jack, even more than ever, but she is angry because you blamed her for trying to be happy. When in fact it is you that stopped her."
With that, Jack shot up from his seat and made for the door.
"Where are you going Jack, I haven't finished yet?"
"Yes you have Daniel, and I'm going to make us both happy. I don't care about the regs, or the fact that she slept with anyone, because from now on the only person she'll be sleeping with is a retired USAF Colonel!" Daniel saw the determination cross Jacks face. But he needed him to listen some more before he went off on some half-assed plan.
"Jack WAIT!" Daniel physically grabbed Jack "Three things… 1) you don't have to retire, but you can speak to Hammond about that later. 2) It won't be easy, she's more hurt and angry that I have ever seen her and 3) She didn't sleep with Yoshan, not that it should matter, but she didn't"
The smile that lit up his eyes made Daniel laugh.
"It doesn't matter whether she did or she didn't Daniel, all that matters now is that I am going to win her back. I don't care how long it takes or how hard she makes it. I love her and She loves me and that is all I need!"
"Go get the woman you love Jack" advised Daniel as he let go of Jack's arm, knowing that he meant every word he had just said.
"I will. Thank you space monkey. I owe you big!"
And with that he left to face his destiny
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Sam was in her lab, studying the mineral ore that Yoshan had given her. What was different about this scene was that she was dropping tears all over her notebook.
She was angry and upset and hurt and confused all rolled into one. Why could she not have been happy with Yoshan, why did Jack O'Neill always seem to stand in the way and why did he hate her so much for just trying to be happy?
As Jack entered the lab, the sound of her tears burned into his soul.
"Sam" he murmered in a voice choked by guilt and pain.
Turning, she hastily wiped her eyes, the last thing she needed was another fight with him.
"Colonel, please leave. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm too tired" Her mind screamed at her for sounding so needy, but she was exhausted, her spirit was too tired to fight any more. She couldn't handle this. She couldn't deal with this conversation and them him hurting her all over again by walking away. She had to be strong just one more time.
He saw her stand and he lost his heart even more the courage he knew she was using.
"Colonel, please leave. We have said all we need to say, I know where you stand and I know where I stand and I know what you think of me. So I don't see the point in dragging this out any further"
"Sam, I haven't come to fight or to hurt you. I've come to beg your forgiveness and to tell you that I love you." His voice was filled with truth and the tone sent Sam spiralling into a fresh bout of tears.
"Why now, why are you here saying this now? You got what you wanted, you stopped me from being happy, I 'm back on earth. Why do you have to make this so difficult?"
He saw the way she wrapped her arms around herself, he knew she was protecting herself from him, and that hurt him more that her thought possible.
"Sam it wasn't me that stopped you being with Yoshan, it was they way you feel about me, the way I feel about you. He said that you would only love once, but that it would be forever and that that love was me. At first I hated the guy, but he has given up something that I very nearly threw away. I can't do that Sam. I can't let you go. I wish I could do this another way, but I can't. I am so sorry for the way I treated you; I was a coward and a fool. I can't deny this anymore, and I won't walk away from it anymore, not unless you ask me to."
He moved towards her, trying to hold her, but she shook him away. She was torn in two by his words. She had dreamt of hearing him say those things, but here in reality she knew that his words where only going to lead to more hurt and she couldn't let that happen.
"Sam, please, don't do this! We can be together". His voice was raw, sending more tears down her cheeks. Hating herself for showing him how much he could hurt her, she didn't see him move towards her, but the next thing she knew he was kissing her with a passion that seared her soul. She suddenly knew what was missing from her kissing with Yoshan, it was everything she felt as this man showed her his soul and bared her defences.
But she also knew that he had too much power to hurt her, and she couldn't let him, not again.
She pushed him away with strength that she did not know she possessed and watched as his faced registered the intent of her actions.
"Don't make me have to walk away from you Sam, please!"
But she knew that she had to, if she ever wanted to be able to be happy, she had to stop him hurting her. Ok, he may love her, her may want to be with her, but she knew him well enough to know that if he retired, he would eventually resent himself and that would be so much worst than losing him now.
He didn't realise that she hadn't understood about them being able to be together, he didn't realise because right now he was looking at the woman he loved and realising that he had to walk away from her.
"Ok Sam, I won't hurt you anymore"
Turning sharply, so as not to draw out his pain any longer than necessary he began to walk towards the door.
It was only when she saw him walk away, saw that he was willing to let her go, did she realise that she could never let him do that. She had to take the chance on him and on each other. She knew he was the only man that could ever make her truly happy and she couldn't let herself throw that away through fear. But at the same time, her pride made her force him into the first move. Her only concession was whispering softly to the departing figure.
"Jack"
He turned so quickly that he almost lost his balance, but when he did he wasn't quite sure if he had actually heard her say his name. She was not looking at him and he could see the sheen of tears and the paths they had made across her cheeks. He must have heard her wrong, so with that he turned again, only this time she wasn't the only one with tears in her eyes.
She flicked her gaze to him once more as she sensed him moving, only to be caught by the sight of Jack O'Neill, hard-assed Colonel; Black Ops trained, with tears in his eyes.
Tears because he thought he had to walk away from her.
"Jack" louder this time, loud enough for him to know he wasn't dreaming.
As she watched him slowly turn towards her, she thought her heart would melt. He looked so open and vulnerable at that moment, that she knew without a doubt that she was not going to throw him away, not for rules or not for regulations and certainly not through fear of a future that may never happen.
He stood stock still, off balance and unsure. Until the woman he was going to spend eternity making happy raised her hand to him in a silent gesture that meant more than any words either could have spoken.
Taking her offered hands tightly in his, he pulled her into a fiercely protective hug. Finally loosening his grip on her, he noticed she could still not look at him, but he heard her say.
"Don't ever hurt me like that or judge me like that again Jack"
Tilting her chin up with his finger, he cupped her face in his hands.
"Never again. I promise you, I was hurt and acting out, I didn't stop to think that you where hurting to. Please forgive me, because I love you and I can't live any more of my life without you."
As she heard the words he said, she looked deep into those chocolate brown eyes and wondered how she could have ever compared their depths to anything or anyone. There was only one Jack O'Neill and she loved him, just as much as he loved her. So raising herself on her tip toes, she brushed her lips to his and was enveloped in the sweetest, most breathtakingly gentle kiss she had ever known.
When finally they parted, she whispered the words she knew he needed to hear.
"I love you too Jack. It was always you. I just hope we can make it together with you having to retire"
After hearing her finally say the words he would have given his soul to Sokar for, it took him a second or two to understand the last part of her sentence. Utterly unwilling to let her go, he lifted her face from his shoulder.
"Who's retiring? Sam, when I said we could be together I meant on SG- 1. Hammond knows, the whole base knows according to Daniel. We can still be Sg-1 without having to give each other up"
The light that shone in her eyes at that moment was the same one he had staked his future on and it nearly sent him to his knees. But before he kissed her again, there was something he still needed to say.
"Sam, I'm sorry about my behaviour when I saw you had become more than friends with Yoshan. I was utterly out of line and such a hypocrite that I can't even begin to apologise, but I can only say that it was the way I felt about you that led me to be so utterly jealous that I couldn't think straight. I had no right to judge you or turn on you. Do you think you will ever forgive me?"
Sam looked into his eyes and saw a genuine fear laced with a love and passion that darkened his eyes to almost black.
"I think I just did" was her only answer as her pulled her into another soul melting kiss that sealed their fates.
Finally.
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THE END (FINALLY)
Ok you guys, I think feedback is needed after that! Pretty please with chocolate sauce on top!
Story Notes: NOTES: just enjoy it and don't forget to let me know what you thought.
DEDICATION: To Annie, Helper Extraordinare! An idea's woman if ever there was one!
DEDICATION: To Annie, Helper Extraordinare! An idea's woman if ever there was one!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]