I kissed him.
Okay, that would probably be a bad thing to include in my mission report. But can I help it if that's the one thing I remember most vividly about our time spent on P7X 606?
I remember his mouth pressed firmly to mine, eager and exploring, yet not too demanding...
...strong arms wrapped tightly around me...
...the hard muscle of his shoulders under my own palms...
...my body being pulled closer against his; feeling myself pressing into him without hesitation...
...moving my hand up to bury my fingers in his hair...
...a shudder racing through me as his hand moved slowly up my side...
Whoa!
I straighten in my chair and take a deep breath, forcing myself back to the present and my duty at hand. I take a swig of my lukewarm coffee and poise my fingers over the keyboard, focusing myself on writing my report. For the first time in my career I'll be omitting a few details about what transpired on a mission. I can't include any reference to kissing my CO.
That wasn't something I'd forget. Even if it was something he couldn't remember.
But that's the end of the story. Right now I have to write my report, so I need to start at the beginning...
******
The atmosphere of the night was intoxicating enough; we really hadn't needed any artificial enhancement of the magic that seemed to be in the air.
We sat as one of many groups scattered around a roaring fire. The sparks and flames danced up toward the night sky, as though the glowing embers quested to become one of the multitude of bright stars shining through that inky blackness.
Relaxed and sated after a palatable and filling meal, we seemed to feel a comfortable kinship with these people of Ke'le'don, as P7X 606 was known to its inhabitants. Despite the fact that a galaxy separated our peoples we were all human and the Ke'le'donians were hospitable in the extreme.
Best of all, the planet seemed to have been forgotten by the Goa'uld. Daniel earlier surmised that the culture had been derived from the ancient Celts, with the original inhabitants likely taken from the northern reaches of the British Isles, the captor Goa'uld adapting the persona of a Druid priest. This was unusual in relation to what we knew of the common Goa'uld modus operandi, so it seemed all the more likely that the Goa'uld who had established this world had either died or abandoned these people. In turn Ke'le'don and its inhabitants had been forgotten by the System Lords.
The world had advanced to a pre-industrial age, though there were signs that an impending industrial revolution was not far off. As the Ke'le'donians had retained a pagan belief system, worshipping nature rather than a deity, they had no trouble accepting us as travelers from a distant star rather than mistakenly thinking us any sort of supreme beings.
Our arrival coincided with the festival of Samhain, the ancient Celtic celebration of the new year, still marked by these people. After establishing that there was no threat here, Daniel was keen to stay the night and observe the ritual celebrations. The colonel agreed to his request, quite easily in fact. It was rare that we got to spend any time getting to know the occupants of a peaceful planet and I think even the colonel enjoyed the bit of downtime the unguarded environment afforded.
I glanced over at him then. He was sitting relaxed against an old tree stump, eyes turned up toward the sky, one booted foot moving in rhythm to the music resounding through the air from a stringed instrument and form of drum being played. Though the fire cast his face in light mixed with shadow I could still make out a slight smile playing across his lips.
As I watched him he brought his gaze down and over to Daniel.
"So you say these people are Scottish?" he asked. I thought he said Scottish more like *Scotishk* but I figured it was just the way his voice sounded over the music.
"I believe their ancestors were brought here from ancient Scotland or Ireland," replied Daniel. "The culture is consistent with what would have been derived from the Celtic peopla...peopo...*people* had there not been the advent of, um, that, uh, Christianity!" Daniel triumphantly spit out the final word, which seemed to have been eluding him.
"So where're their kilts?" asked the colonel.
Daniel slowly waved his finger back and forth. "Jus' 'cause people started out in the same place doesn't mean their societies will evolve the shame."
My brow furrowed. Now Daniel's speech was starting to sound off.
"Well I think something's off kilter." A goofy grin stole across the colonel's face. "Off *kilt here*. Get it?"
Daniel giggled.
The colonel snickered.
I frowned.
If I didn't know better I'd have sworn they were -
"O'Neill, Daniel Jackson. Are you inebriated?" Teal'c demanded.
- drunk.
The men in question exchanged a look. "Dunno, Jack. Are we inebriated?" Daniel asked, garbling the word.
"No," the colonel replied solemnly, shaking his head.
"Not a little bit drunk?" Daniel prompted.
"No, a lot drunk!" the colonel cried and they both howled with laughter.
Oh great! I groaned inwardly. How did this happen?
Both Teal'c and I looked to Mhari, the Ke'le'don woman who was acting as our guide and host.
"They didn't drink any of the alcohol," I stated rhetorically. "What's going on?"
Mhari looked suitably concerned. "None of you had any of the spirits. All Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson had was some fruit juice."
Then Mhari's eyes widened and she stifled a gasp. "Oh! Oh no!"
"What is it?" I asked, while Teal'c glared at Daniel and the colonel who were tripping themselves up attempting to sing Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall. I somehow doubted that was a ritual song in the celebration of Samhain.
"There have been instances in the past in which visitors from our southern regions have been affected in much the same way from drinking the fruit juice. I'm so sorry... I never thought...but the juice must have an intoxicant that doesn't affect my people."
"You have an immunity to it." I nodded in comprehension.
"Yes. Major Carter, I do apologize. It didn't occur to me that this would happen."
Mhari looked so upset that I placed a comforting hand on her arm. "It's okay," I assured her. I glanced over at the frat boys who didn't seem to be hurting anyone except maybe those within earshot. "No harm done. They won't suffer any adverse affects, will they?"
"Oh no," Mhari hastily assured me. "They will have no memory of this night, but they will otherwise be fine."
I sort of hoped they'd both have killer headaches in the morning too, after putting us all through that singing performance, but was at the same time relieved there'd be no long-term problems.
"Thanks, Mhari," I said, giving her arm a squeeze to reassure her she need not worry. Then I turned to Teal'c.
"We should get Daniel and the colonel bunked down for the night. Let them sleep it off."
Teal'c nodded. "Agreed. However, I believe we may be too late."
Before I had fully turned around it registered that I no longer heard singing. Indeed, while the colonel was still humming tunelessly, Daniel was silent, stretched out on the ground on his side.
I moved to kneel down beside him and then shook him gently by the shoulder. When I got no response I called out his name and shook him a bit harder. All that succeeded in doing was to make him raise an arm to weakly try and wave me away. Then he moved his hand under his head and curled up his knees toward his chest.
I sat back and sighed. Off to my right I heard the colonel snort and mutter, "Cheap drunk." Before I could turn and fix him with an annoyed stare Teal'c appeared in front of me.
"If you wish, Major Carter, I will remain here with Daniel Jackson until he awakens, and you can return with O'Neill to our accommodation."
"All right, Teal'c. Thanks." Daniel would be okay sleeping on the ground for a couple of hours, and then we could get him back to Mhari's cottage where the male members of SG-1 were staying the night. Mhari and I were bunking at her daughter's place. It was really too cold to sleep outside the whole night, so I wanted to get the colonel safely to Mhari's while he could still get there under his own steam.
Teal'c nodded and I got up and turned to my charge. "Come on, Sir. Let's head back to Mhari's."
I'd expected a little resistance so I was pleased when he rose to his feet without argument. He wobbled a bit as he stood but managed to keep himself upright.
He seemed to be in need of direction so I placed a hand to his elbow for a moment, turned him slightly and he then fell into step beside me. As soon as he was moving in the correct direction I dropped my hand. As pathetic as it sounds, I felt even that slight physical contact between us was a bit too much.
With anyone else, between any other CO and subordinate it wouldn't have been, but between Colonel Jack O'Neill and me existed this...thing. I couldn't call it anything else, couldn't grant it a term of endearment, as that would make it all the more real, and all the more difficult to forget about. Not that I ever forgot about it, but I functioned by shutting it away in the back of my mind, subjecting it to a forced dormancy. That allowed me to continue to work with him, and to enjoy his company, and to be his friend. To be nothing more, even though I knew he felt more than that for me. He'd acknowledged it, so many times without words and then finally out loud when he'd needed to in order to prove we weren't za'tarcs.
And God knows I feel the same for him. Which is why I could never do anything to show it and why I sometimes took pains to distance myself from him.
We walked away from the brightness of the fires but two almost full moons in the sky lightened things considerably and made it easy for us to see our way. The festival was taking place in a wooded area not far from the village and we had made our way along the path back to the main road in short order.
The village was comprised of a dozen or so cottages scattered along the road, each on a large plot of land. Oil lamps still shone through the windows of some, making for a rather pretty picture. Though the night was cool there was a crispness to the air and a slight warming breeze that ruffled through our hair. The air smelled of a sort of pine tree and wood smoke. In all, it was actually a nice night for a walk.
Except that the colonel had suddenly come to a halt and heaved a great sigh.
" 'm drunk, Carter," he declared.
"Yes Sir, you are," I agreed, hiding a smile of amusement from him. "Let's keep going," I prodded.
He started out again, tripping slightly but then regaining his momentum.
"Shouldn't be drunk on duty." He frowned.
"You didn't know, Sir. It's not your fault."
"No." He shook his head and it caused him to stumble. His pace had begun to noticeably slow as well and I started to worry he'd pass out there in the middle of the roadway. I moved in closer to slip an arm around his waist to keep him upright and keep him moving. His arm automatically came down around my shoulders and I couldn't help but revel in the quasi-embrace. It was, of course, perfectly legitimate given the circumstances and if I derived just a bit more pleasure from the closeness then too bad. There was no one around to see and the colonel apparently wasn't going to remember anything come the morning.
"Glad you're here, Carter," he was saying. "Takin' care of things."
"It's my job."
"You're good at it. 'm glad to have you as my second-in-command."
I felt a rush of warmth steal over me at his words. Well, that and the fact that his thigh kept brushing against my own. Even though what he was saying was likely the I-love-everyone gushings of a drunken man, I still smiled then as we turned off the road onto the path to Mhari's cottage.
"I'm happy to serve under you," I replied, then bit my lip as I realized the double entendre I'd unwittingly uttered.
I was pretty sure I head the colonel mutter, "I wish," but we'd reached the cottage door so I could thankfully ignore him, and regrettably but obligatorily physically distance myself from his proximity.
Rather than leaving him on the doorstep I went inside to light a candle. Mhari's one-room cottage was small but packed full of furnishings and now two additional sleeping pallets lay on the floor. I didn't want the colonel to trip over something in the darkness and knock himself out.
The tiny flame coupled with the moonlight coming through the windows was enough to dispel the absolute darkness from the room. The candle stood in a holder sturdy enough to contain it should the colonel forget to snuff it out before he fell asleep.
His voice came in a whisper from very close behind me. "Beautiful," he said. I turned around to see what he was looking at.
He was looking at me.
I sidestepped away from him and moved to the door. "Goodnight Sir," I called over my shoulder. "See you in the morning."
"Sam, wait."
I should have ignored him; but then again I was conditioned to obey his commands. I paused and then turned back around to face him again.
His expression was cast in seriousness and his gaze was surprisingly lucid as he took a step to close the distance between us. My breathing became audible and, I imagined, so did the hammering of my heart as he lifted a hand to slowly trail his fingers up the side of my face.
"So soft," he murmured in a hushed voice. His hand brushed gently through some strands of my hair. "So beautiful."
I should have protested. I should have told him he was acting inappropriately, that he was saying things he shouldn't, that he was drunk. I should have left.
But I didn't. I stood frozen, starting at him like a deer caught in headlights.
"Kiss me goodnight," he whispered.
Rationality kicked in. "I can't," I said, but my tone betrayed my desire to do exactly that.
Jack's eyes shone with his own desire and longing, his feelings for me burning there as brightly as the little candle on the table.
"Yes you can, Sam," he said. "It's okay. It's just one little kiss."
It would be wrong. It would be ethically wrong and a betrayal of our friendship. I would be taking advantage of a situation in which I was the responsible one. It was against regulations. I couldn't do it.
Or could I?
Mhari's voice came back to me as Jack searched my face looking for acquiescence. *"They will have no memory of this night."*
I wanted to kiss him as sure as I wanted to continue breathing. Who knew if I'd ever get another chance to do so without having to worry about the ramifications? How could I not do it?
Before I could think any further I put my hands on his shoulders and raised my face up to his.
There was no hesitation on his part as Jack's arms came around me and his head lowered to mine. Our lips met and moved with an aching, agonizing slowness, quite in contrast to the rush of electricity that shot through me at his touch.
It should have ended there, just one little kiss. But almost of its own volition my body arched closer and he responded by tightening his hold on me. My lips parted for his tongue to begin a tantalizing exploration of my mouth and I welcomed it with my own.
I ran my hand along his shoulders and combed my fingers though the hair at the back of his head, locking us together.
His own hand left my back and began a slow, sensuous journey up my side, laying fires in its wake. His fingers reached my breast and his thumb traced the centre of it. Even through the layers of clothing my body responded and a moan rose from my throat in kind.
Then ever so tenderly we sealed the kiss, our mouths separating but our breaths still coming in laboured gasps from between our lips.
Jack's hand moved from my body to the back of my head and he gently lowered my forehead to his shoulder. We stood there, arms still twined around each other, bodies still pressed close together for I don't know how long, long enough that our breathing returned to normal and we could hear the dripping of wax from the candle in the silence of the night.
Eventually we drew apart and I looked up to see my feelings of joy and wonderment mirrored in his eyes.
He smiled and brushed his thumb over my lips in a feather-light touch. "Goodnight Sam."
When he dropped his hand away my mouth curved into a soft smile in return. "Goodnight," I said, and I turned and left the cottage on shaking legs.
******
The next morning when I'd arrived back at the cottage to rejoin the rest of my team I'd been nervous. I wasn't nervous about the colonel possibly remembering what had transpired between us. If that were so then we'd deal with it as adults and discuss it in a mature and rational manner. I was worried that he wouldn't remember, but that I'd give my secret away by blushing ten shades of red if he looked at me a certain way.
It was quiet inside the cottage when I entered. Teal'c stood stowing some things into his pack. Daniel was lying prone on a pallet. The colonel sat at the table scowling at a cup he held in his hand.
"Good morning?" I said, forcing any extra cheeriness from my voice. I'd slept well, and how could I not with the memory of Jack's arm's around me, his lips playing softly and sensually over mine, still so fresh in my mind. But this did not seem to be a very merry bunch, so I gauged my greeting accordingly.
"Good morning, Major Carter," responded Teal'c, his deep voice resonating at a lower than normal volume. Daniel grunted something unintelligible from the floor.
"Not so loud, Carter!" the colonel snapped.
"A little headache, Sir?" I asked.
"Yeah," he replied. "Just a little one THE SIZE OF TEXAS!" Then he winced and clutched his head.
I know I'd wished it upon him earlier the night before, but in view of his obvious agony I felt some sympathy for him.
Unzipping a pocket on my pack I extracted a rectangular object the fit neatly in the palm of my hand.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Sir," I said, then I extended the drinking box in my hand toward him. "Would you like some *juice*?" I asked cheekily.
Okay, so maybe I didn't feel *that* sorry for him.
I heard Daniel groan and the colonel glared at me. "Not nice, Carter."
Our eyes met. I just smiled and the corners of the colonel's mouth turned up slightly, conceding acknowledgement of my witticism. I thought I saw a flicker of something in his gaze but I couldn't tell if it was anything different from the usual undercurrent of unexpressed feelings that ordinarily buzzed between us.
The colonel stood up, face contorting slightly with the movement, and placed his palms flat on the table.
"Thing that bugs me is that if I was going to get good and drunk I should at least remember getting there. But I can't remember one damned thing from last night."
Oh thank goodness. I felt a tension I hadn't really accredited drain from me. I know I said I was prepared to deal with the consequences of my actions, but I hadn't really been relishing the idea of having an "about last night" conversation. Now it was my secret, and sacred memory.
"Mhari said that would happen," I told him and he gave a very slight nod.
"Well, at least I won't have to write the report. Let's head out," he ordered, securing his hat on his head. "The sooner we get home the sooner I can get the Doc to give me something for this pain. Those little pills in the medkit aren't cutting it."
Daniel rose quickly, motivated perhaps by the promise of stronger painkillers, and we all grabbed our packs and left the cottage. I brought up the rear and as I turned to close the door behind me I couldn't help but pause. For a moment in my mind's eye the sun faded to darkness broken only by a candle and the moonlight, and I stood once again in the arms of the man for whom the deep feelings I have are forbidden.
"Carter." His voice came from close behind me and for a moment I thought I was still remembering. I turned to him, searching his gaze, but the emotions that had played so clearly in his eyes last night were not there. "C'mon, let's go. Need drugs."
"Yes Sir." I closed the door, locking my secret away in my heart.
Mhari and some of the others had gathered on the road leading out of the village to bid us farewell. After exchanging good-byes we headed out on the half-kilometer walk to the Stargate.
The four of us walked separately from each other, lost in our own thoughts or miseries. Teal'c was in the lead with Daniel valiantly keeping pace not far behind. I walked a distance back and the Colonel straggled behind me.
The Stargate was in sight when I heard him jog to catch up with me.
"Hey Carter, got a question for you." His face was turned towards me but he'd donned his sunglasses to shield his eyes from the bright morning sun so I could not read his expression.
"What's that, Sir?"
He turned his face away then, looking toward the dense growth of forest to our left and then ahead and down an easy slope to the Stargate.
"Last night," he began and I drew in a thankfully inaudible gasp of air, "when I was, ah, under the influence, did I do anything that might have upset you?"
"No Sir," I replied. Hey, I certainly hadn't been upset by what he did. With what we did.
"Good. Because I really can't remember a thing, and if I did act obnoxious, well, I just wanted to apologize."
"There's nothing to apologize for, Sir," I assured him.
"Okay." He nodded. "But just in case you're only saying that to be nice, I'm sorry, Carter."
I smiled and shook my head. He was so worried he'd acted out of line. But no, in actuality that had been me.
That's when I felt a tiny prick of conscience telling me maybe I was the one who had something for which to apologize.
******
After clicking on the mouse to send my report to the printer, I pushed myself away from my desk. We'd returned from Ke'le'don five days ago and the twinge of doubt I'd felt right before we'd left had now taken a full-blown guilt trip.
The colonel's apology had sparked it. He'd been worried he'd done something that might have offended or discomforted me. But here I was the one who had taken advantage of the blind faith I knew he had in me. I'd violated a basic trust and an unspoken pledge that I act responsibly should ever the colonel be incapacitated. And I'd blown that promise away on a selfish thrill.
My guilt had kept me awake at night and I'd gradually come to the conclusion that the only appropriate action on my part was to report my misdeed to my CO. That it would be an embarrassing discussion was the least of my concerns; greater was my fear that my disclosure would cause a strain on our working relationship and on our friendship, that the colonel's trust in me would be diminished.
Nonetheless, it was a confession I had to make. Tonight. I rose, grabbing my report off the printer, and shoving it into a folder I headed out of my lab.
Despite the late hour I'd really been hoping to find the colonel in his office. This was to be a conversation I would much rather have with the solid bulk of a desk set between us. That would somehow help to keep it all the more professional.
His office was dark and empty. I left my report in his tray and headed slowly to his quarters.
He looked surprised to see me when he answered my knock on his door. That was to be expected; I wasn't exactly in the habit of paying him late night visits.
"Hey Carter. What's up?"
"I need to speak with you, Sir." I said, managing to keep my voice steady.
"C'mon in." He opened the door wide, an expression of concern crossing his face. I cringed inwardly as I imagined that concern soon turning to censure.
"Have a seat," he offered, gesturing to the bed, the only seat in the tiny room. The bed was made, but there was a depression in the pillow and a book opened beside it, and I imagined he'd just been lying there reading. Sitting on a bed still warm from his body was definitely not a place I wanted to be when having this discussion. I remained standing. The colonel closed the door, but only halfway for the sake of propriety, then he turned to me with questions in his eyes.
"I..." I began, floundering as I once again met his gaze in a small room, lit only by a single light and silent except for the sound of my quickened breathing. The memory was just so vivid.
I mentally kicked it away and began again. "I finished my report on the Ke'le'don mission, Sir."
"That's fine, Carter," the colonel responded. "But you didn't come here at this time of night to tell me that."
"No," I admitted. "I came to tell you there is something I left out of the report."
"I knew it!" he exclaimed. "I did do something rotten that night!"
"No Sir, you didn't," I said hastily. "It was me. I did something I left out of the report."
His brow furrowed. "You did? What on earth could you have done that you had to leave out of the report?"
I stood silently, meeting his probing gaze but saying nothing until just as he opened his mouth again to speak.
Then I blurted out in a rush, "I kissed you."
His jaw dropped and then snapped shut and he blinked several times. He put his hand to the door and started to shut it, but then seemingly thought the better of it and opened it halfway again.
Then he turned back to me, the corners of his mouth lifting in a slow, lazy smile. "Yeah?" he said softly.
At some point I'd come to stand at full attention. "Yes Sir," I replied evenly.
He crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head at me. "Why?"
"You asked me to."
He frowned at that and looked down at his boots for a moment before raising his head to meet my eyes.
"That wasn't an order you had to follow."
"Oh no!" I exclaimed quickly, horrified that he'd think I'd done it because he'd *ordered* me to. "I wanted to do it."
"Yeah?" he said again, his grin returning.
"Yes," I admitted. Of course he'd be delighted to hear it; what man wouldn't like hearing a woman couldn't resist kissing him? I flushed at my revelation.
His eyes were alight with pleasure. "So you wanted to kiss me, Sam," he said slowly. "Was it something you'd been thinking about for a while?"
I blinked at him. I hadn't been expecting this line of questioning. Regardless, I owed him my honesty now.
"It's something I'd given some prior consideration."
He searched my gaze for a moment before he spoke.
"You know how I feel about you," he said simply. "That I have...those...kinds of feelings that I'm not really supposed to have." That statement came a bit more hesitantly. "What you're telling me, about this kiss, does that mean you might have the same sort of feelings for me?"
He really didn't know. I'd done a good job of masking it. Unlike him, the za'tarc testing hadn't required me to admit any hidden feelings, because at the time on Apophis's ship what I'd felt had been utter sorrow that he'd die because of me. The root of that sorrow hadn't been an issue at that precise time.
Both hope and fear swam in his eyes as he held my gaze until I finally nodded and whispered, "Yes."
Then I steeled myself to face up to my accountability.
"But that doesn’t change the fact that I acted irresponsibly, Sir," I said, putting quiet emphasis on his salutation. "As your second-in-command you have to be able to trust me to act appropriately if you are ever incapacitated, and I broke that trust."
"Sam..." the colonel interrupted.
I ignored him. "What I did was not only a violation of the chain of command but of our friendship, too."
"Carter..."
"Not to mention the blatant disregard to regulations. I fully deserve-"
"Oh, for crying out loud, Carter! I kissed you before when you couldn't remember it. It's not that big a deal!"
It was my turn to gape at him. I found myself sitting down on the bed in shock.
The colonel sighed. "Mind if I sit down?" he asked, gesturing to the bed beside me. "There'll be no kissing, I swear."
My lips quirked up in amusement and he took that as a yes and settled down beside me.
"Remember when Teal'c and I were caught in that time loop thing, when we kept reliving that one day over and over and over and *over* again? Well at one point Daniel suggested that it gave me the freedom to do things without worrying about the consequences."
"He mentioned something like that after we broke the loop, at breakfast that morning," I recalled. "And you just gave me a funny look."
"I guess I didn't feel as honour-bound to tell you that I'd kissed you."
"Is that all that happened," I asked, frankly curious. "Just a kiss?"
"Oh yeah," he hastily assured me. "It was just a kiss. Hammond was right there and all."
Hammond was there? "Okay," I said, putting my hands to my hips. "Now you've got to explain that."
"I walked up to Hammond when you were right beside him and I gave him my resignation. You asked what I was doing that for and I said it was so I could do *this*. Then I grabbed you and planted a wet juicy one on you. It was just one little kiss," he grinned happily, "but boy what a kiss it was!"
I felt like I'd just walked out of an air-conditioned building into the heat of the tropics, or out of the Stargate and onto a hot desert planet. Jack's obviously fond memory of that kiss warmed me all over and I couldn't help but smile at him.
"So did you like it when you kissed me?" he asked with a slightly wolfish expression.
I licked my lips before replying, intentionally I think. "Oh yes. Very much so."
Never had I seen Jack look quite so pleased with himself, and that was saying a lot as the man certainly did have his smug moments.
"Did I enjoy it?"
"Evidence seemed to have pointed in that direction," I smirked.
Whoa there, Sam! I thought as Jack's eyebrows shot upward. How many minutes had it been since I'd come here in an act of contrition and now I was unashamedly flirting with him?
"Guess you must think I'm pretty irresistible now, huh?" he teased.
"I wouldn't go *that* far," was my quick retort.
"Careful," he warned. "I can still have you brought up on charges of insubordination."
"Hey, you're not innocent. From what I've just heard, you kissed me first!"
"At least *I* resigned beforehand!" he said in mock defense.
My smile faded at that and I quietly mentioned, "Because it *is* against regulations."
Jack's grin left his face and his eyes left mine to stare into space over my shoulder. "If it wasn't," he asked hesitantly, "would you want to take things further?"
He looked back at me then, expectancy and trepidation both marked so clearly on his face.
My heart thudded dully in my chest. Would I offer it to him if he had the freedom to take it?
"Yes," came in a whisper from my lips.
"If there was any way around this," he said, shaking his head already, "I'd be on that path right now. But there's a little problem called the Goa'uld and we both know it's bigger than us."
"I know," I acknowledged sadly. Funny how I'd come here to apologize for kissing him and it had ended with us both mourning the fact such a kiss couldn’t happen again.
"But hey, we're getting smarter, gaining allies and growing stronger, and one day the Goa'uld won't be such a threat. When that day comes I intend to fully explore this thing between us."
"I hope that day comes soon," I said wistfully.
"It will," Jack vowed. "It's got to; I've got plans. Defeat Goa'uld. Romance Carter. Go fishing."
"Hey, I beat out fishing." I joked softly.
"Sure did," Jack confirmed. His hand slid over mine and our fingers entwined. His thumb rubbed gently over my skin as I sat for moment, lost in the promise in his eyes.
Footsteps sounding outside in the corridor drew me back to the present and I started to pull my hand from his, but he stopped me by tightening his grip.
"Don't forget how I feel about you, Sam." His dark eyes reaffirmed his plea.
I felt like my heart was both bursting and breaking: overjoyed to discover our mutual affection, so sad that our feelings had to immediately be forced into abeyance again.
"I won't forget," I promised. "How can I when I feel the same?"
Jack squeezed my hand and we reluctantly drew apart. He stood up and ran a hand through his hair.
"Better go get some sleep, Carter. We've got an early start tomorrow."
"Yes Sir," I said, rising. "Goodnight Colonel."
He stopped me just as I reached the door. "Hey Sam?"
I halted to look back over my shoulder at him.
"I really wish I could remember the kiss."
After giving him one more smile, I left, heading back to my quarters to finally get a good night's sleep.
******
I know I said the kiss was the end of the story. But now I'm starting to think it's just the beginning.
******
END
Story Notes: One Little Kiss -
End Notes: Author's note: I have just recently become a fan of Stargate SG-1 and though I am busy catching up, I have still seen only a handful of episodes. As such, I beg tolerance for any factual errors relating to canon that this story may contain.
Many thanks to Kath Tate, beta reader extraordinaire! All of the credit and none of the blame is yours. ;-)
Coming soon: One Little Kiss - Invisible Touch
Many thanks to Kath Tate, beta reader extraordinaire! All of the credit and none of the blame is yours. ;-)
Coming soon: One Little Kiss - Invisible Touch
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]