samandjack.net

Story Notes: Email: dpe115@aol.com

Status: Complete

Season / Sequel: 3rd Season

Spoilers: 100 Days

Archive: SJA, Heliopolis - yes; anyone else - if you want it, take it! Just leave my name attached to it and send me a note, please.

Author`s Note: This is a responce to all the spoilers I`ve read about 100 Days as well as the discussion about Jack`s treatment of Sam (on the S&J list). Just letting of some steam here :-) Also, I didn`t watch the episode yet. This is completely based on spoilers, so I apologize for any mistakes regarding the actual plot. Oh, and if somewhere along the line you start hating Jarod - good, "cause you`re supposed to do so. He`s my version of an annoying, male Mary Sue, that I just used shamelessly to agravate you.....and Jack, of course :-) Feedback is always appreciated. Thanks to Mel for beta reading. I got it this time. :-) If you should find any mistakes, they are entirely my fault.


"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. Harris




PROLOUGE




"Aren"t you happy to go home?" Lara asked, grasping his hands.

Thinking for only a second, he looked at her. "No." he replied. "Come with me?"

Sadly she shook her head no. "My place is here !"




*******




Major Samantha Carter was the last member of SG-1 to step through the stargate onto the metal ramp, that was situated in the middle of SGC"s gateroom.

With every step her legs seemed to get heavier. She was barely able to keep her eyelids open as she walked towards General Hammond, who had come down from the control room to greet them.

"Welcome home, Jack." he said, his strong voice betraying the worry and desperation he.......all of them......had felt over the last few months.

"Thank you General. It"s good to be back." The two high ranking officers shook hands and Sam watched them indifferently, not sure if she should be happy that he was back on earth or disappointed that he`d brushed her off on Edora. Finally she decided that she was simply too tired and exhausted to worry about her emotions for her CO....at least at the moment.

"Colonel, the doctor wants to see you immediately. The rest of SG-1 will be debriefed, while your in the infirmary. However I want you to join them as soon as possible, since I`m sure you have quiet a bit of a story to tell."

"Of course, Sir" With those words, Sam watched as Jack O"Neill strode toward the exit, leaving Daniel, Teal"c and herself behind without so much as a backwards glance.




**********




Sam was starring off into space, not hearing a single word of what Daniel was explaining to the General. Her vision was hazy, and she couldn`t quiet focus on the pen that laid on the table. Why she wanted to focus on the pen, she had no idea. It just seemed like a good idea. Besides what kind of a word was "pen" anyway?

It took her a couple of minutes to realize that something had changed. Now she couldn`t see that pen at all, there was just a huge something beeing waved through her limited field of vision, that she had trouble identifying. If she could only focus on the pen! But how do you focus on something that you couldn`t see. And if you can`t see it, does that mean that it doesn`t exist anymore.

Just like Jack, she thought. He did not exist. For three month he`d simply not been there. Slowly, she recognized a sound, someone was singing, or was it crying? No, someone was calling her. Her Name.

"Jack?" she whispered.




********




"Sam? SAM? " Daniel shouted, still waving his hand in front of her eyes to get her attention. "Sam the meeting is over. We can go now. Sam? Come on, you need to get some sleep."

Seconds past without any response. Daniel and Teal"c exchanged worried glances, as finally, slowly, Sam got up from her chair.

"Samantha Carter, are you all right?"

The two friends watched as Sam walked through the door of the briefing room, her steps slow and unsteady. Somehow the words "home" and "sleep" had gotten through to her and the small part of her brain that wasn`t already asleep, decided that it would be a good idea to do just that.

She had barely walked two steps, when a wave of dizziness hit her and she collapsed to the ground, the past three months finally catching up with her.

Daniel and Teal"c were immediately by her side. The big jaffa pulled her gently into his arms and picked her up, a sudden sense of anger sweeping over him, as he felt the lightness of his friend and the implications that came with it.

Daniel rushed to the infirmary, where Doctor Janet Fraiser was giving Col. O`Neill a shot. Without looking at his old friend, he walked straight to Janet and pulled her aside.

"Sam collapsed in the briefing room." he explained.

Janet wanted to go and help her best friend immediately, but Daniel grabbed her arm and shook his head.

"Teal"c is already in the elevator taking her to the surface. I`ll drive Sam to her place, and we`ll take care of her, like we discussed yesterday." He met Janet`s worried gaze with one of his own, trying to reassure her.

Before SG-1 had gone to Edora, in order to get Jack back, Janet had informed her friends of Sam`s condition. For the past three months Sam had spend the majority of her time in the lab, working on a way to get Jack off that damn planet as fast as possible. During that time she had hardly slept or ate at all, despite Janets insistency that she should have taken a break. Her condition had been getting worse every day and it did not surprise the doctor that she had collapsed. As a matter of fact, she was amazed that she had been holding up for that long.




*******




Jack O"Neill lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

His bed! Strangely, that description did not feel quiet right anymore.

He was not sure if he was supposed to feel happy to be back home again.

Home! Another word that he used with mixed emotions.

It had taken him a long time to accept, that he would never return home; had no chance of ever seeing the people he called his friends again. He had spent more than enough time in the military to know that no matter how well-respected or valuable he was, they would not keep on trying to bring him home forever.

So after waiting for almost a hundred days, he had started to let go. It was not easy for him, but eventually he`d had to face the fact, that he would have to spend the rest of his live on Edora.

But now he was back home, and had no idea how to feel about this. It was as if an old wound had been reopened; as if suddenly he was forced to let go of something that he`d just learned to appreciate.

His new home, the people he`d met on Adorra, Lara who`d tried her best to make him feel welcome and accepted.

If only he weren`t so confused!




Day One




"Since the Nerretans, agreed to exchange technological information with us. I decided it would be useful if someone with appropriate diplomatic skills would accompany you to Nadis."

"Oh please, not another non-military-guy." Jack exclaimed.

SG-1 was seated in the briefing room, waiting for instruction as to how exactly the treaty, which the Nerretans had insisted on, was to be established.

"The person in question has been a diplomatic advisor for the military for years and I trust him completely to get the formalities of this exchange over with as fast as possible. By the way I believe you know him, Colonel O`Neill." General Hammond said briskly.

Jack raised an eyebrow and made an indefinable gesture with his right hand. "I do? Well, who is it, then?"

At this moment a tall, handsome man in his early forties entered the room, addressing the General.

"Lieutenant Colonel Jarord McCaskey reporting as ordered, Sir."

"Jay, you old dog. Long time no see!" Jack greeted him, even before the General had time to respond. Suddenly he was beginning to feel a lot better about this assignment.

Col. MacCaskey gave him a wide grin and walked over to him after General Hammond had introduced him to the rest of the team. They shook hands and MacCaskey pulled Jack into a spontaneous hug, glad to see his old friend again.




*******

Day Three




The lab was utterly quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the soft and even breathing of Samantha Carter as well as the occasional sighs she emitted, upon realizing that she was, once again, on the wrong track.

The meeting with the Nerretans had gone over well, thanks to Col. MacCaskey, whose diplomacy skills were backed up by a not inconsiderable amount of charm and tolerance, that Sam found intriguing. He had even managed to keep Jack`s sarcasm at bay throughout the whole meeting , which didn`t prevent him to give as good as he got when the team was alone.

As a show of good intentions, the Nerretans had given a piece of technology to SG-1, as a gift. The Nerretans were indeed more advanced than they were, but not by far. In Sam`s opinion earth scientist would probably catch up to them in a matter of four or five decades. Still, she was convinced that the treaty would prove helpful if for nothing more than gaining new allies.

However, the Nerretans had a very strict police, as far as exchanging technologies went. Much like the Tollans, they did not want to cause a disaster, by giving advanced weaponry or energy sources to people who did not have enough responisbility to use it. Therefore, they agreed to give SG-1 "the gift".

The gift consisted of a small rectangle, made out of an unknown alloy. Beyond that it was remarkably unremarkable at first sight, especially sine the Nerretans had refused to give any explanation as to what the object was used for or how it worked. That was for Sam to find out, as Col. O"Neill so accurately put it.

The Nerretans had given them three weeks to figure out how the object worked and prove their capability to operate the Nerratan`s technology. If they managed to do that, there would be no further delay in trading technology. If they failed however, the treaty would be rendered meaningless.

So now it was up to her, of course. After all who else could possibly pull it off, if not she. Or more accurately, who else would be stupid enough to work day and night, ( again! ) to accomplish something close to impossible?!

This time her sigh was motivated by anger. Come to think of it, anger had inhabited her thoughts very often lately, like a flowing omnipresent undercurrent, winding itself through her mind gaining strength every day.

When they had returned from Edora, about four weeks ago, she had slept for three days straight under the observant and gentle care of Daniel and Teal"c. On the fourth day she`d finally woken up for longer than a couple of minutes to take a much needed sip of water. She`d still felt exhausted and sore, but thankfully it had taken some time before her memories had hit her.

After a warm meal and a shower, reality crashed in on her and with it the feeling of betrayal and disappointment. She had worked so hard for the past three month, doing the impossible, just to be rewarded with the sight of the man she loved in the arms of another woman. He`d given up on her.....given up on all of them.....after only a hundred days.

Over the past weeks her disappointment had turned to anger, and sometimes....... just sometimes, like three days ago, it bordered on contempt for the man she`d once called her friend.




********




SG-1 had returned from the Nadis three days ago with the strange devise currently occupying Sam`s lab table.

During the debriefing Jack O"Neill had made it pretty clear that he expected her to solve this particular puzzle, within the given deadline.

Not that he`d actually said it this way. No, Col. Jack O"Neill had been most gracious, ordering, pardon, telling her to do so, because he knew that she was the best and probably the one who could pull it off the fastest.

And he`d given her the smile. Yes, _that_ smile! The sweet little one, that told her and everyone who was watching that he had complete confidence in her. The smile that told her that he knew that she would do her best and push herself to her limits to accomplish what was asked of her. The smile she had wanted to bury her fist in for the past three weeks, ever since she`d first seen him again.

She was getting increasingly frustrated, because after spending three days of work on the devise, after analyzing and probing it in every way she knew off, she still didn`t know anything about it.

Three days wasted for nothing. Three days of energy and hope wasted to duty and orders. Three months of her live wasted to bring a man back to earth, who`d have rather stayed were he`d been. Three days, three months, her live...........wasted.




Day Five




"You`ve changed quiet a bit!"

Col. Jarod MacCaskey and Col. Jack O"Neill sat in Jack`s office, enjoying a glass of scotch, since they were on down-time for the time being.

Upon receiving nothing more than a puzzled stare and a raised eyebrow, Jarod felt the need to elaborate.

"You`re quiet, today. Actually you have been rather taciturn for the last couple of days. That`s quiet out of character for you, Jack."

Jack O"Neill had been a close friend of his ever since his childhood. They went to the same high school and even in their college years they`d managed to stay in contact, through letters, phone calls and frequent visits. Only after Charlie had died, did they lose that contact. It had been nearly a year ago, since Jack had surprisingly called him one evening, to say hello. During that year they had started to pick up the remains of their once close friendship and put them back together.

"Things change. A lot has happened lately." was the response he finally got, after a long moment of silence.

Mirroring his friend, Jarod took a small sip of his scotch.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"It`s a long story."

Shrugging, Jarod put his glass down on the desk . "I already know most of it. You were stranded an a planet called Adorra for about three months. Must have been hard on you.."

"It was..... at first."

Silence penetrated the room, as Jarod considered that last statement.

"Are you happy to be back ho......on earth?" he finally asked.

He carefully watched the myriad of emotions flutter over Jack`s features as he was struggling for an answer.

"I don`t know. It was not an easy time.....I am not sure...I don`t....oh, for crying out loud, I`m totally messed up, here."

Jarod knew that this was not easy for Jack. He`d always been a private man, when it came to his emotions. Losing Charlie had only made him bury that part of him deeper, in order to protect it. However he knew Jack well enough to realize that he wanted to talk to someone, therefore he decided to keep silent and give him the chance to collect his thoughts, until he eventually continued.

"Three months are a long time. I didn`t think that they would still come for me. I mean, why would they? I was retired, before the Stargate program opened. And I`m just another military guy, who is slowly but steadily getting old. Why would they bother to save me, when I`m easily replaceable. I`m good at what I do and I don`t doubt that I have a lot of friends here, but I`m not that important.

"Lara told me that after her husband died she`d mourned him for one hundred days, before moving on with her life. She is a very strong and gentle woman and I admire her for that, so after one hundred days I decided that she was right. I was stranded on Edora and would have to spend the rest of my live there, and I wanted to make the best of the situation.

"I built myself a new live. And I enjoyed it. I was happy there and I wanted to forget everything that was in any way related to earth. Because if I`d kept on hoping that I would be saved, then I would have gone crazy sooner or later."

"But they came back for you!" Jarod said quietly, after his friend had stopped speaking and downed his scotch in one swallow.

"Yeah.......they came back.....................Carter...Carter managed to make one of those doohickeys of her's work. She always does that kind of thing. The girl`s a genius."

Again, the two people were quiet for a long time. Jarod watched his friend with a worried expression on his face. He`d been trough a lot and his features were beginning to show the strain that he'd been under.

"I asked her if she wanted to come along." He suddenly heard him say into the quiet of the office.

"You mean Lara?"

"Yeah. But she said no. And I think she made the right choice. My live here and my live on Edora are two different things. Mixing them together would not be a good idea. I think it would only destroy them both."

"But even knowing that, you still regret that she refused!" Jarod observed. It was not a question.

"She....she made me forget. Forget this home. Forget my friends, my memories. Forget Sara and Charlie, Daniel, Teal"c and Sa...all the things I couldn`t have." he finished.

Jarod was well aware of the slip Jack had made, but decided not to comment on it. Twenty minutes and another glass of scotch later, Jarod decided to leave his friend alone with his thought and go to bed, since it was already pretty late....or early.




********

Day Nine




Doctor Janet Fraiser walked down the dimly lit corridor of the SGC heading to the infirmary. It was 0526 and Janet was due to start her shift in a couple of minutes. Having slept peacefully, due to some very nice dreams and a record of eight hours of rest ( since SG-1 was on down-time! ) she was in an exceptionally good mood.

That is, untill she walked past the physics lab, in which her best friend Samantha Carter was working.

There, she saw Sam hunched over the lab table, holding small tweezers in her unsteady hand. Shaking her head at the unreasonableness of her friend, she determinedly strode into the lab and put a hand on Sam`s shoulder.

"Sam you need sleep!" she said without preamble.

Samantha didn`t even look at her friend, the only reaction indicating that her words had been heard, was the slight movement of her body as Sam readjusted her position on the chair. She silently watched as Sam raised her free hand to rub it over her tired looking face, before answering.

"I need to work this out first. Look, I finally figured out how to open it. Now I only have to...."

"What you need to do is go to your quarters and get some sleep!" Janet said in her best no-nonsense voice.

"But...."

Unwilling to yield this time, Janet put on a stern expression and pulled the chair around , thereby forcing Sam to look at her. The sudden movement of the chair, and lack of sleep made it impossible for Sam to keep her balance. She almost slipped from the chair, but Janet managed to steady her just in time.

This display of her exhaustion, however only made Janet only more determined. "That was an order, Major. Go. To. Bed!"

Eventually she managed to drag Sam out of the lab and accompanied her to her quarters. Unwilling to give her the chance to go straight back to work, she simply confiscated any notes she could find on her desk, before heading to the infirmary.

She had to talk to Sam and she had to do it soon. Ever since she`d come back from Edora she had been different. She was much more quiet and....darker, Janet realized.

Sam no longer took pleasure in her work. She had always been fascinated by physics and met every chance to gain more knowledge with the enthusiasm of a child. But lately she went to work with an aura of apathy surrounding her, and if she did show emotion it was frustration and depression, when something did not work out the way she wanted it to. Sometimes she appeared downright grim. This was not the Sam she knew. And what`s worse, she evaded any question about the reason for her condition, although Janet had already a pretty good idea, why her friend was behaving like this.

Janet decided that she needed to do something about it, and dinnertime would give her the perfect opportunity to talk about this with Daniel and

Teal"c.




*********




Col. Jack O"Neill walked into the mess hall late that day. His hands were buried in the pockets of his fatigues and he had a slightly subdued expression on his face, which wasn`t all that surprising considering the amount of scotch he`d drunken after Jarod had left. He had not been drunk, per se, but it was save to say that he`d been a little tipsy after his emotional striptease.

However, he had to admit that the conversation with his friend had helped him sort through the mess his emotions had been in, ever since he`d returned from Edora. By admitting how he felt he, somehow acknowledged these feelings to himself for the first time instead of just wallowing in his self-pity.

He scanned the mess-hall quickly, searching for his friends, only to find Daniel and Teal"c enraptured in a, so it seemed, very intense conversation with Doc. Fraiser.

On his way over to them he collected a tray and got some food and a glass of water on it. He had just reached the table when Daniel took note of his approach. He watched curiously as the archeologist`s eyes widened slightly as well as the quick motion with his hand, that caused Janet stop talking midsentence.

Suddenly he found himself on the receiving end of three pairs of eyes that studied him expectantly.

Fighting the sudden urge to apologize for his intrusion, he managed a weak smile.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked, sliding down on the bench, next to Teal"c.

"Uhm....no!"

"No, of course, not."

He noted that Daniel was fidgeting with his glasses, while Janet looked studiously at her empty plate. It was Teal"c who unintentionally gave him the opportunity to break the uncomfortable silence that hung in the room.

The Jaffa watched him with a raised eyebrow, as he did very often when he was surprised or confused. A welcome reason to address the gentle giant.

"So what have you guys been talking about?" he asked conversationally.

"Nothing important, really." Daniel said quickly, before Teal"c had a chance to answer his question.

"Yeah, we were just talking about the fascinating culture of the Nerratans." Janet added. " Did you know that they have a ritual taking place every time the two moons of Nadis cross paths. The Nerretans celebrate the beginning of a new circle, as they call it, with ...."

"Yes, I`ve heared about it." Jack interrupted them, knowing very well that they were lying. He couldn`t really blame them, though.

The past few weeks he had more than often rejected their company, preferring to spend time alone, brooding over his live and the things he`d lost and gained only to lose them again. He had made it clear, that he did not want to talk about what had happened on Edora. Everything they needed to know, could be read in his official report.

Now, he regretted his behavior, knowing that he`d hurt his friends more than once. He could only hope that it was not too late to make amends.

He had every intention to apologize, when Daniel suddenly jumped up from his seat, excusing himself under the pretext of work that had to be done. Jack watched as Teal"c followed the archeologist, who hurriedly made his exit.

Turning to Janet, he met her stern gaze. Jack opened his mouth to speak and made a somewhat helpless gesture with his hand, but Janet dismissed his attempt with a shake of her head.

"Save it." She stood up and turned to leave, but halted her movements, when she saw the expression on his face.

Jack felt.........lost, he acknowledged, quickly ignoring the irony of that thought.

Grabbing on all the compassion she could muster, she leaned down to him. " It is not me you have to apologize to, Sir." she told him, holding his gaze for a whole minute, before walking back to the infirmary.




********




Teal"c stood motionless, his hands clasped behind his back. His face showing his usual blanck expression, only his eyes betraying his disagreement and mild irritation.

It was his friend and comrade, Dr. Daniel Jackson, who he`d been watching for the past ten minutes. Said archeologist had been occupying these minutes with a habit Teal"c found most interesting. Particularly because it seemed to be quiet common for the Ta"uri, when they were in the condition of great agitation. Also Daniel had insisted, when answering his inquiry, that it assisted him to focus his thoughts.

"It just wasn`t right." Daniel`s voice interrupted his thoughts.

The Jaffa raised his right eyebrow and inclined his head slightly. "I`m afraid, I do not understand, Daniel Jackson."

"The way we just treated, Jack...it....it was rude. These past few months have been hard on him, and yes, he hasn`t been treating us much better the last couple of days, but that doesn`t justify that we do the same."

"I have to agree. Although I do not approve of his current behavior, in particular towards Samantha Carter, it appears obvious that what he needs most in this situation is the support of his friends."

"You`re right....you`re right, of course. It`s just...damn it...that man can be sooooo stubborn." Daniel exclaimed, throwing a stack of books from his table to the floor. He faltered under Teal"c"s observant glance and quickly apologized for his outburst.

Teal"c noted that the past months had taken their toll on all of his friends, including him. A serious rupture in their group dynamic had appeared and the breach gained width, with every passing day.

"I believe it would be advisable to confront Col. O"Neill on this issue, so we may at the very least attempt to give him our assistance. As his friends we own him that and much more." he finally voiced his opinion, gaining an affirmative nod from the archeologist.




Day Twelve




Samantha Carter strode determinedly out of the elevator and headed for her lab.

After Janet had found her here almost three days ago, she had reported the incident to General Hammond, who had ordered her to his office as soon as she was awake. Once there, he had insisted that she took a forty - eight hour leave, eventhough he knew of the importance of her work. He had assured her that the other scientists at the base would make detailed notes for her while she was away, so she could go straight back to work, when she came back.

Just as promised those notes, along with her own, that Janet had confiscated, were lying on her desk, neatly stacked in a pile, with a vase of flowers standing right next to it.

Smiling for the first time in weeks, she read the card to discover that the flowers were from Daniel.

A warm feeling spread through her body. For her, Daniel had always been the little or big brother, depending on wether she needed encouragement or comfort. She was glad to know that someone cared for her, here on earth, besides Janet and Cassy.

She had unplugged the phone for those past two days, after telling everyone that she needed some time alone. Of course, instead of relaxing, as she was more or less ordered to do, she`d worked on a few ideas concerning the devise that she had not explored earlier.

With those ideas in mind she walked over to her lab table and began her investigation.




********

Day Nineteen




Although it was only late afternoon, the hallway of the SGC were nearly deserted. A situation that was not all that surprising, considering that eight of the ten SG teams were off planet and SG-7 was on official leave, leaving SG-1 and those people, who didn`t go home for the weekend alone on the base.

Col. Jarod MacCaskey walked into the lab section of the SGC, two steaming cups of coffee in his hands.

He encountered Sam still hunched over the "gift" but just as he was about to approach her, she jumped to her feet, a shout of victory escaping her mouth. She then proceeded to dance around the room, singing and jumping all over the place.

Jarod couldn`t help but grin at the sight before him and decided to make his presents know. Coughing politely, he watched Sam turn around with a horrified expression on her face.

"Oh god!" She choked out, feeling her face flush." Uhmmm....Sir...I...."

"I take it you found out, whatever it was that you wanted to find out. !?" He smiled at her, handing her one of his coffee cups, which she accepted gratefully.

"Yes, I know how this works. I finally managed to figure it out. It was just a matter of..." She trailed of and a dark shadow swept over her beautiful features, as her eyes focused on someone who had just entered the room.




********




"Hya, Sam. You sound excited. That means good news, I take it?!" Jack broke the deafening silence that had crashed upon the room, the second Sam had laid eyes on him. This seemed to happen quiet often lately, he thought.

Sam walked over to the small devise on her lab table. "Yes, Sir I can make it work." She told him.

Jack involuntarily frowned. He had fully expected her to launch into another one of her physics speeches, but she obviously did not have the intention to elaborate. Unsure of whether he should be glad or concerned about this he quickly shoved the observation into the back of his mind.

"Good. That`s good. Then we can inform the Nerretans about this...and start trading with those cute little fuzzy .....thingys. Nice work, Sam" Looking at Jarod for confirmation on the subject, he realized that his friend was still looking at Sam and did not appear as if he`d heard a single word, he'd just said!

"Uhm..Jarod?"

"What? Oh...yeah, the Nerretans right. We should talk to them,....soon."

"Good." Jack turned to walk to the elevators that would lead them to General Hammond`s office and the stargate room, but soon realized that MacCaskey had not moved an inch to accompany him.

"Jarod, are you coming? We have to tell the General!" He asked impatiently, not liking the colonels interest in Sam one bit.

To his surprise, Jarod declined his request. "I`ll tell him, Jack. Just right now I'd like to know what exactly it is and how it works." he said, closely inspecting the devise.

After a moments hesitation it was Sam who took any chance away from him to insist that they`d go now.

"Of course, colonel. I can see that it is important for you to know about that." She turned to Jack with a decidedly dismissive air around her. " If you don`t mind, we`ll catch up to you later, Sir."

Thrown off by her behavior he stuck around for a minute, while Sam went of in her usual techno babble, until Jarod interrupted her.

"Wow. Uhmm, Major...I`m sure that`s interesting, but I have to admit that physics have never been my strong suit, so...could you simplify it somewhat, "cause I`d really like to understand this."

His request was answered by a brilliant smile, and soon Jack was forced to hear them laughing and joking around as Sam tried to explain the purpose of the "gift" to Col. MacCaskey.

Jack felt a strange feeling creep over him, that he quickly identified as jealousy.

Determined he walked further into the room, until Sam could no longer ignore his presents.

"Sir?" she asked politely, but distanced.

"Just curious." he answered, mimicking her tone.

Sam raised her eyebrows in confusion. "Curious? About what, Sir?"

"About how this doohickey of yours works!" he shot back, inwardly cursing herself for sounding so defensive.

"Since when do you care?!" Sam exclaimed, not realizing that her voice sounded slightly shrill.

Before either one of them could continue this argument, Jack saw Jarod, slowly getting up from his sitting position on the lab table.

"Uhm...excuse me. I`ll better leave you guys alone to discuss this. Major, maybe we can meet later and you can explain this to me in more detail. I have to say, you`ve done an amazing job here. Really, I appreciate you putting your all into this and working so hard. Doctor Fraiser has told me, that you were pretty exhausted last week and I just wanted to express my appreciation and say "Thank you""

With those words he quickly exited the lab, leaving a speechless Samantha and an infuriated Jack to stare at the door.

Jack finally managed to tear his gaze from the spot that Jarod had occupied a second before and glare at his Major.

She looked sad an in a way......defeated, he realized all of a sudden. Making a step forward, following the irresistible urge to comfort her, he was surprised to watch her shy away from his touch. Shocked, he realized that tears were starting to gather in her eyes.

And at this moment he was only unconsciously beginning to realize, what was wrong with him.

"Sir, I....I do apologize. As my commanding officer you have, of course, the right to know everything about my work." She choked out, her voice trembling slightly. She avoided his gaze and continued just as formally, but barley capable of restraining her emotions.

"However, I would appreciate, if we could discuss this sometime later, Sir. I`m feeling rather tired at the moment, Sir." Without waiting for his permission or giving him the chance to speak she walked past him, out of the lab and to her quaters.

Colonel Jack O"Neill stood paralyzed for the better part of five minutes, not really comprehending what had just happened.

After some time he collapsed boneless into Sam`s chair, burying his face in his hands as realization began to hit him.

"What has happened to my team? And how can I ever bring them back together?" he asked the metal walls surrounding him.

His answer ...was silence.




********




"Aren`t you happy to go home?"

. "No!"

Sam closed the door behind her carefully and slid down on it, till she was sitting on the floor. Hugging her knees, she stubbornly suppressed the tears, that threatened to spill from her eyes.

"Aren`t you happy to go home?"

No!"

" I will not cry!" She shouted into the air. "I`ve already cried more that enough, because of you!"

Choking back the sobs, rising in her throat, she huddled on the floor of her quarters, for nearly an hour, before falling asleep.

"Aren`t you happy to go home?"

"No!"




Day Twenty




It was fairly early in the morning, as Jack strode down the hallway to the elevators.

He`d spend the whole night awake and thinking. And even though dawn didn`t bring him as many answers as he`d hoped for, it did bring the realization that Sam was the key to everything that had happened and everything that would happen.

Jack knew that ever since he`d come back to earth, he had felt as if something, some part of him, was missing. He wasn`t entirely sure what it was, but he had the feeling that Sam could help him find it.

Therefore he was now rushing down the hallway to catch the elevator that would bring him to the physics lab. Despite the time of morning he was certain that Sam would already be there, collecting her notes.

He moved around the corner just in time to see the elevator`s door beginning to close. Breaking into a run, he could barely make out a person, standing in the back of the elevator.

"Hold that door for me, will ya." He shouted.

A big, dark hand grabbed on half of the steel door, activating the sensors that would cause the sliding doors to reopen. Jack jumped inside and was pleasantly surprised to find himself face to face with Teal"c.

"Hey, thank you."

"You are most welcome, Col. O"Neill." The Jaffa replied, eyeing him, as usually, with a raised eyebrow.

Almost a week ago, after the uncomfortable incident in the mess hall, Daniel and Teal"c had showed up on his doorstep, apologizing for their behavior. Jack had been touched and grateful that he had friends like that and also apologized for his recent attitude.

They had spend hours talking, about what had happened during the months they`d been seperated, but whenever Jack had made a careful inquiry about Sam, they had evaded an answer, telling him that he`d have to ask her himself.

Last night he had come to the realization that even though they had talked and apologized, he still felt a certain amount of distance between his friends and himself. A distance that could never be crossed unless he made things right with Samantha.

And if he was completely honest with himself, he had known that all along. He`d just been to much of a coward to admit it to himself. After all it was so much easier to just ignore the fact that he'd done something wrong.... hurt someone"s feelings....... than come straight out apologize and take whatever she`d throw at him.

But he`d already done that once in his live and it had almost destroyed him. He would not let this happen again!

Trying to gain some courage and make it harder for himself to back out of it, he told Teal"c about his intentions. The Jaffa seemed to be very pleased with this and did not fail to encourage him.




********




Daniel was amicably chatting with Janet Fraiser in the infirmary, when Teal"c found him. Hearing the Jaffa retell the conversation in the elevator, the archeologist exchanged a worried glance with Janet.

Together, the three friends left the infirmary, dashing to the physics lab, just in time to see Jack enter it. Slowing down, they quietly approached the doorway, to listen and intervene, if necessary.




*******




Jack found his Major, just as he had expected in the lab. She appeared to be leafing through a stack of paper, which Jack assumed to be her notes.

Carefully he approached her, really noting for the first time, how exhausted she looked. She`d lost weight, and dark circles surrounded her beautiful eyes. Eyes that had lost their bright sparkle and taken on a darker, more depressing shade. Her shoulders were hunched, as if she`d been carrying the weight of the world and her movements were slower, more considerate, sometimes even hesitant; so very unlike their proud and enthusiastic counterparts, which he was used to seeing.

"Sam?" he asked quietly.

She looked up at him and Jack almost took a step backwards, as he saw the hurt in her face. Her expression cut him to the bone and the knowledge that he was the one who brought it there, was so much worse.

Quietly she seemed to wait for him to continue, but when he just looked at her, not finding the courage to speak or the ability to be coherent, she closed her eyes in defeat and shook her head.

"What can I do for you, Sir? I was just about to show General Hammond my report on the devise the Nerreatans gave us. I explained everything to Col. MacCaskey earlier this morning, and he gave his O.K." she finally said.

Suppressing the irritation he felt, when she brought up the Colonel`s name, he made another attempt.

"Sam, we have to talk!" There, that wasn`t so bad.

"About what?" she asked, not willing to look at him.

"About..."

"About the devise, again? Look it's really a very difficult technology, and even though I`d never say you`re stupid or anything, I really don't think that you`re gonna understand it; or even have the patience to let me explain it." She interrupted him, not caring that she`d regret her harshness in a matter of seconds.

She had had a terrible night; one that was not very different from every other night, she`d somehow lived through for the last five months. He was the cause for all her pain and misery and right now all she wanted was to hurt him just as he`d hurt her. Somewhere in a recess of her mind a little voice told her that she was being very unfair, but she ignored it.

"Even Jarod had a hard time understanding it, and he's pretty smart, I have to say." she continued.

"Jarod? Now you`re on first name basis?" he exclaimed, losing focus on the purpose of this conversation.

"So what if we are?" she countered challenging him.

Jack refused to let her bait him. Taking a deep breath, he told himself to calm down. If he was letting her draw him into an argument, it would only make things worse. He had to take on step at the time.

"That`s not what I want to talk about right now, Sam."

"You never _want_ talk about anything." she told him, taking the devise off the table to put it into a box, along with her notes. Turning her back on him, she opened a drawer, to pull out more papers.

Jack realized that they wouldn`t go anywhere if they kept this up. He had to make her listen to him somehow !

Desperately searching for a safe subject, his eyes fell on the box.

"So you figured it out?!" he said, indicating the box, for his own amusement, since Sam still had her back turned towards him.

"Yes, Sir:"

"What is it?" he continued uncomfortably.

"It`s a medical devise, Sir."

"Medical devise, huh? Took you quiet a while to figure it out!"

As soon as the sentence was out of his mouth, he knew, he done a terrible mistake. He`d only meant to tease her, to lighten the mood a bit. Hell, he knew, that if it took Samantha Carter nearly three weeks to figure something out, it had to be _really_ difficult, And her former statement, that he didn`t have a chance to understand it, was probably right. But the words had left his mouth and he couldn`t take them back.

It was too late.




*******




"Medical devise, huh? Took you quiet a while to figure it out!"

Samantha dropped the papers, she`d just picked up. *How dare he?*

White hot fury shot through her body like an electric current, drenching her vision with a dark red color.

Before she even knew what she was doing, she`d whirled around and slapped Jack as hard as she could. Stunned over her own reaction, she watched his head jerk to the right.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he shouted, both of them oblivious to the three persons, who entered the lab.

"What I did that for?" she yelled right back. " How can you even asked me that? Of all the nerve! If I had known that it would be such a drag for you to have to come back here, I wouldn`t even have bothered!"

"What are you talking about?"

"What I`m talking about? I`m talking about three months of hell! That`s what I`m talking about! I`m talking about doing everything I was capable of for the man I love, just to get my face shoved into the dirt! I know these three months, have been hard on you. God knows, I can`t even imagine, what it must feel like, having to give up everything and somehow build up a new live, but you`re not the only one who`d had a hard time.

"We were all worried to death about you. General Hammond even disobeyed his orders to give up the search for you! I mean that should tell you something! Daniel, Janet, Teal"c, hell the whole SGC didn`t give up on you, but you gave up on us, Jack. In those three months I constructed a piece of technology ,that by all means, I shouldn`t even have been able to build, but I managed to do it anyway."

Once Sam had started speaking, she couldn`t stop. All the sleepless nights, all the dissapointment and frustration, came pouring out of her, washing away the numbness that had settled in her mind for so long.

"And what`s more I spend weeks with hardly any food or sleep at all, working my ass off, just to get your sorry self back home as soon as possible........and you didn`t even have the _decency_ to say : "Thank you"." she finished, with a whisper.

Big, hot tears were streaming down her face, as she stared at him for a second, before running past him out of her lab, not even realizing that her best friends had just witnessed her breakdown.

"Jack, maybe you should leave her alone for a while." Daniel shouted after him, as he dashed through the hallway.

However, Jack O"Neill had other plans. After standing shock-frozen for almost ten seconds, he`d turned on his heels, hurrying after Sam.

Cursing that the elevator didn`t go any faster, he impatiently paced the tiny space until he finally reached his destination.

He caught up with Sam right in front of her quarters. The lock on her door seemed to be jammed and she was trying to get it open. Tears were still streaming down her face, as hug sobs shock her exhausted body.

Without a word, Jack came to a halt behind her and pulled her into his arms.




******




Sam was too tired, too drained to resist. The past months had taken her toll on her and she didn`t care if she practically collapsed into Jack`s arms, as her body simply refused to function.

She felt herself being gently lifted off the floor and settled her head on his shoulder. She heard a sharp snapping sound as the lock gave way to the colonel`s stubbornness. Then he carried her inside and set with her on the edge of her bed, stroking her hair and whispering comforting words to her turmoiled mind, while she let herself go.




******




"Do you think we should do something?" Janet asked hesitantly.

Daniel, Teal"c and she had followed Jack, after a few minutes of heated discussion. Now they were standing in front of Sam`s quarters, worriedly gazing at the door. The calm and quiet voice of Col. O"Neill could barely be heard from within, along with Sam`s crying.

"I believe it would be advisable to leave them alone, for the moment."

Daniel agreed with Teal"c suggestion. "Yeah, I think they can work this out, by themselves, now."




********




Just then, an airmen walked down the corridor, halting his steps when he saw the three friends, staring at a door.

"Is everything all right?" he inquired curiously.

Three heads snapped toward him and he quickly took a step backwards. SG-1 was know to be a tight-knitted, albeit strange bunch, and Doc. Fraiser belonged definitely to them. With the recent tension that was currently tearring the team apart, he thought it was safer not to get into any trouble.

"Everythings fine, airman." Janet told him. "You may go along, now."

Nodding in acceptance the airman hurried down the hallway.




*******




"I`m sorry, Sam. I`m so sorry."

Jack tightened his arms around her, even though she was already calming down.

And then he realized, what had been missing all along!

As Sam raised her face from his shoulder and wiped a sleeve of her jacket over her tear-stained face, he knew that it was her! It had always been her!

He`d missed Samantha more than anyone else, and even after returning he`d kept on missing her, because he Hadn`t known what he wanted.

Leaving the life, he`d build himself on Edora, he had not gone back to living the live he knew. Instead he`d built his own little world inside his head, where he`d been save, not realizing that he couldn`t ever be happy there.

Not without her. He`d tried so hard to forget her and now he was scared, because part of him had succeeded. He`d shut her out.....out of his mind....out of his live. And it was killing him slowly!

Her absence had brought him to the brink of insanity, before he'd let her go, in an act of pure self-defense. Lara had been a welcome substitute. A woman, who`d given him the opportunity to project his love and longing for his major on her, even though he hadn't even realized doing so.

He gave Sam a tentative smile. Now, that he knew the truth, he was also sure that he could set things straight.

"Sam, I`m sorry. I`m sorry for not knowing what I wanted. But now I want you to know that I will be forever grateful, that you brought me back here. And I missed you, more than I can really say." he told her, for once not having any trouble to voice his emotions.




EPILOUGE




Major Samantha Carter watched Lieutenant Colonel Jarod MacCaskey and SG- 3 disapear through the sparkling event horizon of the stargate.

Smiling she accepted the Generals complimenting on her work, before heading to the infirmary. Janet had decided that they should have a girl`s night out, together with Cassie, this evening.

Leaning against the window on the passenger side of Janet`s car, she let the remaining warm rays of the setting sun sooth her.

"So you guys talked?" Janet broke the comfortable silence they`d shared, since leaving Cheyenne Mountain.

"Yes, all day and into the night." Watching the small smile play around her friend"s lips, she sighed.

"So?"

"So.....I think we`re gonna be all right. It`s going to take a while, but I know we`re going to make it. All of us..as a team!

"You told him that you loved him." Janet pointed out. " And even though, you said that during your, by the way, pretty amazing, speech, I don`t think he missed it."

Now it was Sam smiling at her friend. "He didn`t"

"And.....?"

"He feels the same." she said softly.

"What are you going to do about that? You know that you`ll be court-martialled, if anyone ever finds out about this?!"

"There will be nothing to find out." Sam told her. "After the last few months, we`re way too.....unprepared to act on our emotions. We have to get things back together first. Let's see were we are in one or two years."

"Sounds like a plan!"




The End
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What do you think?
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Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.
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