samandjack.net

Story Notes: Author's Notes: There will be a sequel to this one, but I don't know when I'll get it written.


She had turned him down. Again. For the third time.

Jack O'Neill sat back in his lawn chair on the dock, his feet resting on the cooler of beer in front of him. He was "fishing," his pole loosely grasped in one hand, a bottle of beer in the other. He brought the bottle to his lips and took another sip. Teal'c had gone into the cabin to do his kel-no-reem, leaving him alone on the dock with only his thoughts for company.

Jack sighed, emptied the bottle, and put it down with its three brothers beside his chair. Pulling his feet off of the cooler, he opened it and took out another, twisting off the top and taking a long pull from it. Sam should have been there with him, but she had turned him down. Oh, he understood why. The regulations. After what had happened when they were stuck as slaves on that ice planet, she had put some distance between them. It was almost as if she was afraid to be alone with him.

Jack gave a short bark of laughter, completely lacking in humor. There was no almost about it, she WAS afraid to be alone with him. Sam hadn't spent more then five minutes in a room with only him in it. What did she think he was going to do, grab her and make mad passionate love to her? Well, maybe, that WAS on his agenda. But he couldn't help it. His own memories had come back, but the memories from being on the planet, being with her, were still there. And, it was painful to be with her, but not with her.

He gazed out over the lake. Maybe someday they could be together. Maybe someday.



************



Samantha Carter stared out the window of the airplane. The commercial airliner taking them from Egypt back to the U.S. was a lot more comfortable than the C-130 transport that had taken them TO Egypt, but it might as well have been a bi-plane for all the notice she took of it. Another goa'uld enemy was out there to fight, but that wasn't what she was thinking about. She was thinking about Jack.

She'd done the only thing she could, turning him down like that. They had to maintain a proper military distance, no matter how hard it was to do. And it was hard. Everytime she saw Jack, she remembered everything that had taken place on P3R-118, or 'the ice planet' as Jack called it. She remembered the feel of his hands on her, the taste of him on her lips, and it frightened her. It seemed as if he was doing everything he could to be alone with her, and she couldn't allow that to happen. She couldn't allow him to jeopardize both their careers by conducting an affair, no matter how much they both wanted it. She stared out the window and sighed.

"Sam," Janet said, startling her out of her reverie. "You look like you're a thousand miles away. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Sam shifted in her seat and looked at her friend. "How's Daniel?" She looked over at their friend who was sleeping in his seat across the aisle.

"Physically, he's going to be fine, but emotionally . . .?" Janet's voice trailed off.

"Yeah, this has happened to him one too many times." Sam sighed. "What about you?"

"Oh, a few bumps and bruises, but I'll live." Janet looked closely at Sam. "You know, you can talk to me about it."

Sam shook her head. "Janet, I don't want to compromise your integrity as an officer-" Janet waved her hand and cut Sam off.

"Right now, I'm not on duty. But, I am your friend." Janet put her hand on Sam's arm. "Anything you say to me won't go any further."

Sam bit her lip, and watched Janet's face, considering what to do. Ah, what the hell! "He asked me to go fishing with him again. I said no, but I wanted to say yes. I wanted to so badly that I practically ran away from him."

"Oh, Sam." Janet felt badly for her friend. Sam was trying so hard to maintain a professional demeanor with Colonel O'Neill and the man kept chasing her. Oh, she knew that he loved Sam. Anyone who looked could see it written all over his face anytime he looked at her. He wore his heart on his sleeve where Sam was concerned. Sam was a little better at hiding her feelings, but they were there, and growing stronger every day. It had been getting worse since their return from P3R-118. Something had happened there, something major. "Sam, I know that I haven't asked you about what happened between you and the colonel when you were on that ice planet, but-"

"Janet, I need to talk to someone about it, but if I do, you'll have to report it," Sam said miserably.

Janet got an uneasy feeling at Sam's words. "Well, Sam, you and the colonel weren't exactly in your right minds on that planet, so anything that happened there could quite rightly be attributed to that. There really wouldn't be any reason to report anything." And that is called rationalization, she thought.

"We were together there." Sam's words came out in a rush.

Janet blinked. "Together?" she asked. "As in 'together'?" No wonder Sam was so conflicted, and the colonel was following her around like a puppy.

Sam nodded, then turned back to gazing out the airplane window. "We didn't know who or what we really were. All we knew was that we wanted each other." She swallowed the now familiar lump in her throat that she got whenever she thought about it. "Every time I see him I remember how it was. And he keeps trying to get me alone. I know that all he wants to do is talk about it, but I just can't talk to him, not yet."

"You're going to have to, eventually," Janet told her, sympathy for Sam's plight coloring her voice. "It's only going to get worse if you don't."

"I know." Sam sighed. "He was so hurt when I said no to his invitation, but I can't risk it, especially in a remote area with no one around for miles." She gave a short, humorless laugh. "I know what would happen, and this time it would be VERY much against regulations. No excuse of 'alien mind control' this time."

"Saying no was the right thing to do, Sam, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier," Janet commented.

"No, knowing I did the right thing, DEFINITELY doesn't make it easier. In fact, it's getting harder and harder every day." Sam leaned her head back on her seat. "I've been thinking about asking for a transfer, but the only problem with that would be having to explain why."

"Do you really want to transfer out of SG-1, Sam?" Janet asked, looking quizzically at her friend.

"No, no I don't." Sam ran her hand through her short hair. "I love working with him everyday, going on missions with him, making sure nothing happens to him- oh, God, what should I do?"

"That's something only you can work out for yourself, Sam," Janet told her. "But, you really need to talk with him about all this."

"Yes, I guess I do." Sam turned back to her perusal of the passing clouds. "I guess I do."



************



"O'Neill, you have not caught any fish?" Teal'c asked once he'd come back out of the cabin a few hours later.

Jack looked up at Teal'c who was standing beside his chair. "Oh, T, didn't hear you come up. Have a beer?" He gestured with the bottle in his hand to the cooler his feet were still resting on. There were eight empty beer bottles beside his chair.

"No, thank you, O'Neill, but I do believe that you have had sufficient," Teal'c said, eyeing the bottles by Jack's side. "It is starting to become dark. It would be prudent to go inside at this time."

"Ya think?" Jack asked, his voice a little slurred. "Sure, whatever you say, buddy." He put down the bottle and stood, swaying a little. "Point me in the right direction, Teal'c, old buddy." Teal'c took Jack by the arm and guided him into the cabin. Once inside, he didn't release Jack but led him into his bedroom and sat him down on the bed. "Thanks, Teal'c," he said, then he fell over and began to snore. Teal'c removed Jack's shoes and lifted his feet onto the bed, then he withdrew into his own room to resume his kel-no-reem.



***************



Back at the SGC, three days later . . .



Sam glanced over at the tarp covering her motorcycle in the corner. The restoration was coming along nicely, and it would soon be ready for a test drive. Once she, Janet and Daniel had returned from Egypt, she'd managed to do a lot of work on the bike. She couldn't wait to show it to the colonel.

Sam bit her lip as she thought about Colonel O'Neill. He and Teal'c had arrived back in Colorado Springs late last night, according to Daniel. She knew that she had to talk to him, and soon, about what had happened on P3R-118. She shivered. Just thinking about it made something inside her ache. It shouldn't have happened, but at the time, they didn't know that they weren't supposed to be together in that way.

'That way,' she thought with a self-deprecating chuckle. 'I can't even say the words to myself. We made love, I shouldn't cover it up with euphemisms.' Her back to the door, Sam didn't hear anyone come in until a familiar voice spoke.

"Carter." Jack spoke in his command voice. She let out a little squeak and turned around.

"Sir, you startled me." Sam stood there with her hand clutched to her chest as if to still her racing heart. "I didn't hear you come in."

Jack smiled a little sheepishly. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He looked around her lab. "What's the big project that was so important you couldn't pull yourself away from it - besides going to Egypt and getting beaten up by a goa'uld."

"Well, sir, I -" was all she managed to say before he spied the tarp in the corner.

"This is new." He walked over and looked over the tarp. "Can I have a look?"

"Well, um -" she hedged. He decided to put her out of her misery.

"Hey, if you don't want me to look, that's okay." He shrugged shoulders and started to walk away.

Sam made a quick decision. "Sir." Jack stopped and turned to look at her. "I was going to wait until it was finished, but I guess I can show it to you now." She walked over to the tarp and started lifting it off. Jack came over and helped her, then he stood stunned, staring at what she'd uncovered.

"An Indian!" he exclaimed. "Wow! Where'd you get it?"

"I bought it at a flea market awhile back. It was in pretty bad shape," she answered. "It was falling apart, and the engine was shot."

"Looks like your restoration's almost finished." Jack walked around the motorcycle to get a good look at it. "I'm envious."

"Well, if you're very careful, I'll let you ride it when I'm finished," she said, flashing him a smile.

"I'll take you up on that offer," he returned, smiling back. Then he cleared his throat. "I came by to see if we could talk." He glanced up at the surveillance camera in the corner. "This isn't the best place though."

Sam looked up at the camera. "Yes, I guess you're right." She started putting the tarp back over the motorcycle, and Jack helped her.

"Can you come by my place tonight, 'bout 1900?" he asked as he started to go.

"Sure, I can make it," she answered, nodding.

"I'll even feed you," he said, a little jokingly.

"Then how could I possibly refuse?" she replied in kind. With a smile he left the lab, and Sam turned back to her workstation, uncertain as to what she would say to him when they did meet.



************



'Well,' Jack thought as he walked down the hallway away from Sam's lab, 'maybe we can clear some things up.' He noticed Daniel up ahead coming toward him looking at a photograph, not watching where he was going. "Daniel." He used the same voice he'd used on Carter when he'd first walked into her lab.

Daniel looked up from his study of the photograph, clearly distracted. "What?" he asked. "Jack? I didn't know you came in today."

"Yeah, I brought Teal'c back, and then I read up on your trip to Egypt." Jack looked curiously at the photograph that had Daniel transfixed. "That the temple in Egypt where that goa'uld stuff was found?"

"Uh, yeah, I took some pictures of the walls and I think I've found some more goa'uld writing." Finally, he focused on Jack, then looked down the hall behind him. "Did you go see Sam?"

"Yes. Did you know she's restoring a motorcycle?" Jack asked.

"No, I mean, I knew she'd bought one to fix up, but I didn't realize she'd started on it." Daniel looked back down at the photo in his hand. "Where's Teal'c? I need him to help me translate this goa'uld script. Some of it's really archaic."

"I think he's in the commissary," Jack told him. Thanking Jack for the information, Daniel headed toward the elevator. Jack continued on his way, thinking about his upcoming meeting with Sam.



***********



Jack sat on the roof of his house looking up at the stars. Sam had left a couple of hours before, and he'd come up here to watch the sky and drink his beer.

He hadn't known what to expect when she'd come over for dinner, but it wasn't what had happened. Okay, subconsciously he'd probably hoped that she'd decide that they should disregard the regulations and start a personal relationship with him. Sam, however, had stunned him.

They'd just finished dinner and were sitting on the deck drinking beer and talking about everything but what they'd met there to discuss, when she'd just blurted it out.

"I think we should just put everything that's happened behind us and move on." Her voice sounded tense and strained. "It's the best thing we can do for both of us."

Jack was struck dumb for a few minutes. When he could finally speak, he asked:

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"Sir, I've been thinking about this a lot, and it's the only sensible solution." Sam stood and walked to the railing of the deck, making sure her back was turned to him.

Jack stood, too, and moved angrily to the rail to turn her around to face him. "You can't be serious." He put his hand under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. "What would that solve?"

"A lot!" she exclaimed, pulling back from him. "I can't go on like this, and I don't think you can either. Jack, you asked me to go away with you practically under General Hammond's nose! What if he'd heard that? It's against regulations. I don't want to be court-martialed, and I don't want that to happen to you either!"

"I don't care-" he began to say, but she cut him off.

"I care!" she said angrily. "It would be bad for me, but it would be worse for you. You'd lose your rank and your command, and possibly be dishonorably discharged. I won't allow that to happen."

"It wouldn't have to happen, we could still be together," Jack said, hoping to convince her. "No one would have to know."

"Do you know what the likelihood of that happening is? That base is worse than a small town, there are already rumors going around," she said vehemently. "Please, please, sir, don't make this harder than it has to be."

"It already is harder than it has to be," he answered, grasping her by the shoulders. "Sam, I remember what it was like between us. I want it all." He cupped her cheek in his hand. "I think you do, too."

Sam sighed and closed her eyes, leaning into his hand. "I remember, too. I want it all, too." She opened her eyes and looked into his. "But, it's not possible." She had known this would be hard, but she didn't know that her heart would be breaking.

Jack leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, and she responded. "We could have it all, Sam," he said once their lips had parted.

"But at what price?" she asked. "If it was just us, I'd say 'Screw the regs, let's be together,' but it's not just us. There's our responsibility to our jobs and to earth to consider."

Jack's hands dropped from her shoulders. "I know, Sam." He turned from her and leaned against the deck rail. "I know."

Sam reached over and put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jack. This has been tearing me apart, but putting our feelings aside and agreeing to go back to the relationship we had before is the only way to go." She removed her hand and stepped away. "Goodbye, Jack." Sam walked over to the chair she'd been sitting in and picked up her jacket. "I'll see you tomorrow, sir," she said quietly.

Jack didn't look at her, but his words startled her. "I'll wait for you, Sam. As long as it takes, I'll wait for you."

"No, don't!" she said emphatically. "Don't make that promise!"

Jack turned and faced her, leaning back against the rail. "I will and I do, Sam." He looked into her eyes. "I swear I'll wait for you, Sam, as long as it takes, forever if necessary."

"I'm sorry, sir, I won't make that promise, I can't." She looked at him sadly. "We don't know what will happen in the future, and I won't make a promise I may not be able to keep."

"Doesn't matter, I'll keep it, Sam," he smiled sadly. "I'll wait for you."

"I'm sorry, sir." Sadly, she turned away and walked down the steps. she turned to look at Jack one last time, then walked around the house to her car. He heard it start and drive away. Then he went up on the roof. Two hours later, he was still up there, looking at the stars.

"I'll always wait for you, Sam," he whispered. "Always."



************

The End




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