You are not well.
I am fine.
You are not well.
I miss them.
Your friends?
Yes. I miss them. I want to go home.
You cannot go home. This is your home now.
I know.
This makes you sad.
Yes, it does.
I do not want you to be sad.
Then let me go home.
Maybe.
Maybe what?
You may be allowed to see them.
My friends?
Yes. But you may not show yourself to them.
I know. But I would be able to see them?
Yes, you would.
Then do it, take me home.
As you wish, Daniel.
******************************
The bright light vanished. Daniel Jackson blinked, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room. Everything was quiet in here. He turned around and found himself looking at the Stargate. His Stargate. The one he had gone through so many times, he didn't even remember how many. The gateroom was empty, except for a tired looking airman standing guard at the door. He looked in Daniel's direction, but Daniel knew he couldn't see him. He looked closer at the young man. He didn't know him. He must have transferred here during the past year. Daniel moved to the door and right through it. He'd gotten used to it by now, but it still amazed him.
Matter doesn't matter to me, he thought smiling.
He walked down the quiet corridors of the SGC, taking deep breaths, drawing in that familiar smell, the smell that had been missing for such a long time. Daniel walked around the corner and looked at a clock on the wall. It was long past midnight. He didn't know for how long he had been walking around, when he passed a certain door and stopped. That was Sam's lab and he the lights in the room were still on. Daniel felt anxious. Was Sam there? Was he about to see her? He was a little frightened, frightened that the sight of one of his closest friends would be too much to bear. Suddenly he wasn't sure anymore if coming here had been a good idea. He heard someone move inside. Daniel stepped through the door.
Sam.
She stood behind the table, eyes fixed on a strange looking object, she was holding in her hands. Daniels heart jumped.
Sam.
But his joy at seeing his friend turned into concern when he looked closer. There were dark lines under her eyes and she looked pale. Her hair was longer than the last time he had seen her. It looked the way it had been two years ago, before they spent that "vacation" beneath the surface of that ice-planet. Daniel stepped closer. The lines under her eyes were deep, as if they had claimed their territory already a long time ago. Sam wasn't tired. She was exhausted. The sparkle in her eyes that had always been there was gone, replaced by something Daniel didn't quite know how to describe. Sam put the device on the table and rubbed her eyes, sighing.
"What happened to you, Sam?" Daniel whispered.
Of course she didn't hear him, but Daniel didn't care. He was standing right beside her now. He wanted to comfort her, to touch her shoulder, but he knew he couldn't do that. Suddenly the door opened and Daniel turned around. Sam looked up from the table.
"Hey. Thought I'd find you here."
Sam tried to smile, but failed miserably. Jack O'Neill stood in the door looking at her.
"Couldn't sleep?" he asked.
"No, you neither, huh?" Sam replied.
Jack shook his head. "Nope. My body seems to have forgotten what sleep is."
He scratched his head and sighed. Daniel's heart felt like breaking when he saw his best friend. Jack's shoulders were slumped forward. His eyes were almost blank, not even a hint of humor left in them. And there were scars. Fresh scars on his forehead and on the back of his right hand. Sam looked back at the device she had been inspecting earlier. Jack just stood in the door, silent. He leaned against the doorframe, but where Daniel remembered that particular habit of Jack O'Neill being the very picture of relaxed now it seemed he needed the doorframe to support the weight of his body. And it wasn't just his body, Daniel thought. He could sense things now more clearly than he had been able to as a . . .human. Jack O'Neill carried a heavy
load. Guilt. That was what it was. Sam put down the device again.
"I just can't make any sense of it."
"Maybe tomorrow. Why don't you give it a rest", Jack said.
Sam snorted. "Yeah, like I have the time to do that , Sir."
"Sorry. I forgot."
Sam shook her head. "I am sorry."
They looked at each other for a second. Then Jack turned around and left without saying another word. Sam sat down and put her head in her hands. Daniel could hear her muffled sobs.
"What happened here?" he whispered.
He followed Jack to his quarters. The Colonel was walking slowly, but didn't pay any attention to where he was going. His eyes were fixed on a point outside this world. Daniel was scared. He had seen Jack like this before. When they had first met all those years ago. Seems like yesterday, Daniel thought.Jack looked up and saw General Hammond walking down the corridor
towards Jack. Even the General had changed. He had lost a considerable amount of weight and looked almost as tired as Jack.
"Sir."
"Colonel. Still awake?"
"As are you, Sir
Hammond shrugged, a gesture Daniel would never have expected him to make. The two men were silent for a second, just standing next to each other, waiting. Then Jack said quietly.
"How's it going, Sir?"
"Not good, son, not good. We lost two teams today."
Jack nodded. "So I've heard."
"That makes five within the last two weeks. We are losing this war, Jack."
"No, Sir, we're not."
"I wish I had your confidence."
Jack laughed but it was a bitter laugh. "That isn't confidence, its just my old stubbornness. You know me."
Hammond smiled and Daniel could see that the smile was sincere. Hammond touched Jacks arm.
"Thank you, son."
"What for, Sir?"
"For reminding me, that some things never change, no matter how bleak everything seems."
"Anytime, Sir." Jack smiled, but Daniel saw that the smile never reached his eyes. He tried, he really tried, but it just didn't. He wasn't sure if Hammond had noticed, but if he had, he didn't say anything. The General left and Jack just stood there looking after him.
"You think you're having a bad day, look at him" Jack mumbled to himself. Daniel nodded.
"Yeah, he looks terrible."
He turned to face Jack and looked straight in his eyes. "Jack. What is happening here? Is it the war? With the systemlords? Talk to me, Jack, please!"
Jack O'Neill closed his eyes for a few seconds, before he started walking again. Daniel remained behind, wild concern showing in his face. The face that no one could see.
*******************
The next day went by fast. Daniel tried to get as much information as possible on what was happening at the SGC. He had been right. The war was not going well. They had lost a lot of good people during the past year and somehow it seemed to have all started with his own
departure from the SGC. Of course that was just a coincidence, but Daniel still wondered if things would be different if he was still here. He had been looking for Teal'c the whole day, but his Jaffa friend was nowhere to be seen. And of course no one was kind enough to mention him. Daniel watched as the day progressed. He tried to stay with either Sam or Jack, but found he couldn't bear to see them so vulnerable, so hurt and exhausted. From time to time he had to
step away for fear his heart could break. He went into the infirmary to look for Janet and drew great comfort from her presence. She had also changed. The look on her face was all serious and fatigue was showing as it did with every member of the SGC. But the change was not as brutal as it had been with Sam or Jack. Daniel stayed with her a long time. He even started talking to her. About his new life, about how much he missed everyone. About how much he wanted to come
home. Of course she didn't hear him , but that didn't really matter. Daniel suspected that some part of her could hear him. And that was all that counted.
The evening approached and Daniel was back with Sam in her lab. She was trying to fix a naquada-reactor, when it happened. She pulled at a screw and cut her hand on the sharp metal.
"Damn!" she shouted.
Daniel heard quick steps approaching and then Jack pocked his head in, concern written all over his face. "You okay?"
"Yeah, it's nothing."
"Let me see."
"It's nothing, Sir, really."
Jack had walked up to her and carefully took her hand in his. The gesture was gentle and Daniel smiled. They had touched like that very often and Daniel knew that they probably hadn't even realised it. Daniel's smile faded. They didn't deserve this, he thought. They deserved to be happy. They deserved to be together. That was one of the things he had wanted to tell Jack O'Neill when they had to say good-bye but he hadn't gotten the chance to say it. That was only
one of the many things Daniel Jackson regretted.
"Doc Fraiser should take a look at this."
"Really I'm fine."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am", Sam hissed at him. Jacks eyes darkened for a second, anger flashing in them.
"Fine. Okay. Suit yourself."
He turned around and walked out of the door without saying another word. Sam just stared at the spot where he had stood, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I . . can't . . take .. this ..anymore."
Daniel knew he wasn't able to help Sam, but at least he was able to stay by her side. She went to Janet after all and got her hand bandaged. She was on her way back to her lab when General Hammond walked up to her.
"Major?"
"Sir?"
"I want you to go home."
"Sir?"
"You're off duty as of now. I don't want to see you here before Monday, is that clear?"
"Yes, Sir."
Sam closed her eyes for a few seconds, then turned around and walked to the locker room. Her movements were almost mechanical, as if her mind had shut down and put her body on auto pilot. Daniel waited outside while Sam changed into her civvies. Silent she went to the elevators. Daniel followed her. When they reached the surface and walked out into a cold Colorado night, Daniel was distracted for a second. He drew in the air and looked up at the stars. Familiar
stars. Stars he hadn't seen in over a year. Daniel felt like crying. Sam had gotten to her car and climbed in. Daniel followed her.
"I'll stay with you, Sam. You don't have to be alone. I know you cannot hear me or see me, but maybe you can feel that you are not alone."
Sam started the car and drove away. Once they were on the road, Daniel again studied her face. The fatigue was so dominant over her features that it scared Daniel. When they reached the intersection Sam stopped the car.
"What?" Daniel asked.
Sam was lost in thought, then she shook her head and said: "The hell with it. I can't take this anymore."
"Sam? What do you mean? Sam? What's going on?"
Sam made a left turn and Daniel was getting nervous. "Ah , Sam? That's not the way to your house, if I recall correctly. Where are we going?"
When Sam made a final turn at the junction, Daniel sighed with relief. That was the way to Jack's house. Maybe she wanted to talk to him about the fight they had had, Daniel thought. Would make sense, after all, Jack and Sam seemed to be all that was left of SG1. They just had to stick together. Sam slammed the door shut and walked up to the front door. But she didn't knock. To Daniel's surprise she reached into the pocket of her jacket. When her hand reappeared she held a small key in it.
"What the hell?" Daniel mumbled, as Sam opened the door.
It was dark inside, Jack didn't seem to be home.
"Seems he's not there, Sam."
Sam frowned. "Jack?"
"Jack?" Daniel echoed her in surprise. That was new.
"Over here", came the muffled reply from the living room. Sam didn't switch on the light. She found her way in the darkness.
She knows this place pretty well, Daniel thought.
Whereas Sam must have had real problems seeing in the dark, Daniel could see perfectly well thanks to his new . . physique. Jack was sitting on the sofa, his eyes closed, his head resting against the back of the sofa. Sam made her way over to him and sat down next to him. Neither of them spoke a word. Then Jack opened his eyes and looked at her.
"'m sorry."
"For what?"
"For getting angry back then. Didn't mean to."
"I know."
"How's the hand?"
"Fi… not too badly injured." Sam replied. Silence once again descended on the room. Jack closed his eyes again.
"I was hoping you'd come here tonight."
"You did?"
"Yeah."
Silence again. Then Jack said, his eyes still closed. "I missed you."
Sam smiled. "I missed you, too." She whispered. Jack put his arm around his shoulder and she closed her eyes, while snuggling up against his chest. He embraced her and pulled her close, putting a soft kiss on her forehead. Daniel watched in amazement.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"Lets never do that again, okay? I mean stay apart for so long. I haven't seen you in over a week. It made me go crazy."
"But you saw me every day.."
"You know what I mean."
Jack smiled, his eyes still closed.
"Yeah, I do, Sweety, I do."
"Sweety?" Daniel echoed Jack and shook his head. Was he dreaming? He didn't even dare to think about the possibility that those two had finally gotten some sense knocked into their heads. But it really seemed that way.
"You're really together? I mean, you're really . . there?" he asked his friends.
A slight smile played around Jack's lips. Sam looked at him. "What are you smiling at?"
"Oh, I just remembered that day, when we were stuck in that time-loop and Daniel asked me that question and I never knew what it was that he had been asking me."
Sam smiled. "Yeah, you told me about that."
"Do you remember what his question was?"
Sam shook her head. "To be honest, I wasn't paying attention either."
Daniel rolled his eyes and sighed. " I should have known! That was really rude, and that goes for both of you. And for your information, the question was: . . ."
"I miss him."
"I miss him too, Sam."
" I know."
" I just wish.."
"What?"
"I just wish I could talk to him. Let him know what he did for me . . for us. Let him know what had happened after he … left."
Sam touched Jack's face and smiled.
"Yeah, without knowing it he knocked some sense into our heads."
"That he did."
Jack leaned his forehead against Sam's, his eyes still closed. Sam closed her own eyes, not moving again , not wanting to break the contact. They sat in silence and Daniel was about to leave them alone, when Jack spoke up again. "You know, when Daniel went away I felt like dying. I thought it was all my fault - and part of me still does. But after some time I got to thinking. What happened to Daniel made me realise that life is short. And that yourfriends won't be there forever. I mean, I had wanted to tell Daniel for a long time what a good friend he had become for me. But you know how bad I am with all the emotions-stuff, so I always thought to myself: I'll tell him tomorrow. And suddenly there was no more tomorrow."
"Yeah, I know. I felt the same way."
Jack smiled. "I remember."
Sam smiled. "Who could ever forget that."
Daniel sighed. "I would be really grateful if someone could fill me in here."
"You know", Jack continued. "I almost didn't go to your house that night. I was so scared. Scared that I was too late, that the chance for saying what I wanted to say to you had long past."
"That I had stopped waiting for you?"
"Yeah."
"Oh flyboy, Id always wait for you. You know that, don't you?"
Jack smiled and kissed her softly. "Yeah, now I know."
They fell silent again until Sam spoke up.
"When I opened the door and say you standing there I was scared, too. Scared that you had come to tell me that someone else was missing or dead or that you would be resigning and leave me alone."
"Leave you alone? Id never do that, you know that, don't you?"
"Yeah, now I do."
Jack continued. "I just had to tell you how I felt."
"And I am glad you did."
"I might have never done that if it hadn't been for Daniel. I wish I could tell him that."
"I wish he could see us now. Im sure he would be happy for us."
Sam closed her eyes and wrapped her arms tight around Jack. Within seconds both of them were asleep, save in each others embrace.
Daniel stood there in the dark room, smiling at the sleeping couple.
"Oh, yeah, Sam, I am happy for you guys."
And with that Daniel Jackson returned to his new home, knowing that despite all the difficulties his friends would be fine.
THE END
Story Notes: AUTHORS NOTE: Walking the line here. Last episode I saw was Fail Safe, so I am not sure if what I am assuming here is correct. Hope you like it anyway.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]