I Forgive You by DustDevil

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Story Notes: SPOILERS: Uh...don't think so...but it's set season 3.

He'll never find me.

I've made absolutely sure of that.

He'll never find me, and that's just the way I want it. I never, ever want him to find me, I never want to see him or anyone else again. I just want to be away, away from it all and be alone. Maybe it's my fault, and maybe it's his, it's not my job to apportion blame, that's not what I'm here for. In fact, I'm not really here for anything. I guess I'm here to get away from all those other things. I'm here to revel in the absence of everything. Okay, so revel isn't the right word, try cower, not that it matters.

I should have known, I should have realised. I've known Jack for years, so why didn't I see right through him?

He still loves her.

He lied to me.

He told me time and again that he didn't have any left over feelings for her, told me straight faced, looked me right in the eyes and he lied. He lied. He promised me once that he'd never lie to me, and that was the worst lie of all. I should know by now that what you see on the surface is rarely what you get. Especially with him. So he loves her. And what about me? Well I guess I'm less than nothing now, I'm hated. He has no time for me since he tried to go back and run after her. What about us? What do I get? Nothing. I guess I should have been suspicious at the way he was always by my side for the last few months, being so nice and spending so much time with me, but it never even occurred to me to doubt him, to suspect him. He can be a very shrewd man can Jack, and I believed every word, every single word and smile. And he lied, just to get her back. All these weeks he's been seeing her in private, talking to her, pleading with her, trying to make a second chance for the both of them, and I went on living my life in happy, ignorant bliss. I suppose in some ways I'm not that surprised, I never believed him the first time when I asked him about any remnant feelings for her. He was so taken by surprise that it took a few seconds for his face to recover his usual bravado and false sincerity, and for those moments I saw right through, and knew that it wasn't over, not for him, and probably not for her.

In some ways at first I think he was trying to get a little jealousy going. I have no idea how he intended to achieve that, maybe he thought somehow she would hear that he was happy, and enjoying life without her, and regret the fact that they were no longer together. Well I doubt it, I very much doubt it Jack. I think she's perfectly happy, that's what she told me anyway, when I saw her last. Well she's supposed to be happy with her new man Jack, remember that? Her new man, and what about him? What's he meant to do? Just give up and run away and let you have her? Why couldn't you have come to this decision long ago, why couldn't you just swallow your pride at the time and tell me? We could have done something about it then Jack, sorted this, made it all round the right way, the way it's obviously supposed to be, leaving me with no-one. Alone. I hope you don't spoil things for her Jack, not like you did for me. If...if she wants to go back with you then there's nothing I can do, I won't stop you, I'll let you go.

I'll let you go.

Do you see how good a friend I am Jack? Do you? And would you ever do the same for me? Well...obviously not considering what you've just done to me. Will she have him back? Will she? I try and ask myself this question but it' s pointless, and not really much of a question at all. Of course she will, I don't think there's been a day that they've ever stopped loving each other, not a single moment. All that time I spent ...all the love I gave...and I was just a replacement wasn't I? I was just someone who cared, who listened. Someone to pick you up when you fell down, someone to love you no matter what, and I guess for a while you were happy with that, weren't you? If I'm being painfully honest, there was always a faraway look in your eyes, something unfulfilled, something I couldn't provide. I tried, I tried to just be there and just ignore the other person, but in a way you belonged to them, and you always did. You always did.

Still, at least I got to borrow you for a little while. I got to have you with me, by my side, to make things easier, brighter, less painful. And if I want so desperately to hang onto that you can't blame me can you? Can you?

Well, three's a crowd as they always say, and when it comes down to it I know I'll be the one left standing on their own, watching those two embrace. I guess I'll know soon enough. He'll come find me and tell me what her decision was, and if she'll take Jack back. She will, I know she will, there 's no question about it, if he'd only got his damn stubborn ass in gear long before I came into the picture. Oh well, all I have to do now is wait.

***************************************

I push open the door and it gives easily. Someone has been here recently. Someone. And it can only be one person, the person I seek. General Hammond told me my quarry had left several days ago, and though I have searched most of the places SG1 frequented, thinking they would be there, reminiscing, I was wrong. So I had to change my approach, and instead chose to search in a place that was special, special to the two of them before it all went wrong. I do not relish the duty I must perform, and whether I agree with O'Neill's actions or not it is not my place to say. I will however say one thing, they are happy together, very happy.

I have known all my friends a long time now, but still I am surprised at the changing currents that move between them, and in many ways I am thankful I am excluded. I was not supposed to know that they were quietly seeing each other, talking, but I quickly learned to recognise the signs. I know they talked, and I know the outcome. He came and told me this morning that they are back together, and they love each other. I sigh before entering the last room, not happy with the news I must convey, news that will upset my friend very deeply. I do not relish these sort of things and I never have, but at least some things are the same on Chulak as they are here. Love is no game to be played lightly, and in the final reckoning, none of us can choose where we will love, and as such, some will always get hurt.

I finally push open the door, and there in the corner is a small cowering figure, who looks up into my eyes with terror, dreading the words I must say. I wish things could be back as they were, in the beginning, when none of this had happened and we were all simply friends, but the past is past, and we must all get on with our futures. The sad figure looks up at me with tear blurred eyes, and I quickly cross the room and take this wreck into my arms.

"Are they back together?" a plaintive voice calls, and my heart wrenches with the raw emotion of it all. I refuse to speak for a moment, trying to lend all my strength to this embrace, to this trembling, lost soul. A hand fiercely grips my shoulder, and a pair of the bluest eyes look up into mine, and plead me not to give the answer I must.

"They are"

****************************************

Well, I guess that's that then.

Teal'c eventually found me, as I guess I knew he always would. I'm not very good at all this hiding stuff, but at least I made a token effort to go off and sulk, I felt that I was owed that at least, I mean, surely it's my right?

But he found me, and since he's only officially been searching for five hours I'm impressed, but I would expect nothing less. I wish I hadn't seen them leaving that restaurant together, and I wish I hadn't seen him take her hand, and look into her eyes as they spoke. God I ran as far and as fast as I could, but I knew the truth would finally find me, and it has. I wish my self imposed exile would have lasted longer though, I mean I knew at some point someone would come to find me or I'd have to go back and hear the news, but I just wanted a little longer, just a little longer to hide from the inevitable, from the pain. And inevitable it was, and painful, when Teal 'c finally told me. Yes, they're back together, and very happy it seems. Maybe it was a mistake when we got together, maybe it was just two lonely people making the best of a bad situation, but I really did grow to love her, and I still do.

Oh Sam.

I hope you're happy Sam, and I hope that we can still be friends after this, somehow mend the wounds and pain of betrayal and lies, and get back to what we once were, SG1. When Sam and Jack first got together I was so happy, and so pleased that those two idiots had finally seen what was right in front of their eyes. Sure I felt a little pang of jealousy at the time, but I always put it down to the fact that I was alone after having lost Share for good. They had a long happy year together those two, completely lost in each other, but the difficulty and danger of work and petty arguments about pointless things slowly began to take their toll, and I watched that loving relationship fall apart in front of my eyes.

When the two of them split up in a frenzy of mistrust, suspected betrayal and a screaming match that still rings in the halls of the SGC we all thought it was over for good. Jack withdrew inside himself and Sam left for a while, and I went on seeing the two of them separately. Jack was too stubborn to go after her, and she was too hurt to try. I spent a good deal of the time after that break up comforting Sam, and after a while I realised I wanted more from her than gentle friendship, and slowly, eventually, and I suppose almost reluctantly on her part we became lovers. Jack himself was a real man about town at this point, with a string of one night stands behind him, and I guess she wanted to show him that she was happy without him as well. I knew I had her on the rebound, but I thought I was exactly what she wanted. I'm quiet, loving, easy going, and gentle, but since she fell so madly in love with Jack how could I ever think she would fall in love with me, I'm almost the exact opposite of him in many ways. So we were together several months, and then both Sam and Jack came back to the SGC. They were on different teams by this point, Sam with SG7 and I was still with Jack and Teal'c on SG1. He was quiet with me at first, because of Sam I guess, but when I asked he assured me he was happy for me, and that he didn't love her, and she did the same. Well, they both lied to me, though to be honest I never really asked Sam if she still loved Jack, because I was afraid of the answer.

I remember the day they first met again, after a mission, and they both stood stock still on opposite sides of the briefing room, simply staring at each other as though they were seeing a ghost. I didn't want anything unpleasant to flare up so I steered Sam away, but to be honest to myself now I took her away because I couldn't stand the sparks in the room, the way the temperature shot up and their eyes locked as if the other were the person of their dreams they had been seeking all their life. And I guess they were. From that day onwards I knew she would be his again, oh I tried to deny it to myself and keep them apart, and he promised me...but it doesn't matter. It's over. I sit back against the wall and sigh and Teal'c pulls himself upright and looks at me for a long moment. Then, deeming me suitable to be seen out in public he extends his hand to me.

"Daniel Jackson, I suggest we return to the SGC"

"Okay Teal'c, I'm coming"

I stand wearily, and scrub at my teary red eyes with a sleeved wrist. This will be the last tears I shed on the subject. Any fool can see they were always meant to be together, and I'm most certainly a fool. Just look after her Jack, this time, cause next time I won't be there to pick up the pieces. I'm going to go back to the SGC and I'm going to go in there and get on with my life. I'll see them and I'll talk to them and I'll wish them well, after all, what else can I do? They're my friends, and they always will be.

I forgive you...both of you.

********************************* THE END *********************************

End Notes: Another twist in the tale.

You're probably all used to me trying to do this by now, but at least some of you thought it was Sam talking about Sara, right? (please, or I'll give up the twisty ones :)

Anyway, Sam and Daniel...ew ew ewwwwwwwwww!!! I have NO idea why I did that, and don't worry I don't plan to ever do that again...it just came out that way...weird...

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