samandjack.net

Story Notes: E-MAIL : ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk

ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack...anyone else please ask.

SPOILERS: Summit and Last Stand


Samantha Carter was a woman with a mission. She was supposed to be taking a break....an O'Neill enforced break, but she had other plans for her time. Sleep could wait. Rising carefully, she started to edge her way towards the exit. Naturally, she had an excuse for her excursion, but she'd rather get out and back unnoticed Sam didn't want any awkward questions....not here...not tonight.

She almost made it. If Colonel O'Neill hadn't been outside taking a bathroom break, she probably would have done. Why he couldn't use the restroom like everyone else...?

"Carter?"

His question came out of the darkness, making her jump.

"I thought I told you to get some sleep?"

"You did, sir," she replied.

"But...?"

"But I remembered we needed some parts from the Tok'ra communications device and I thought I'd go and get them....while it was fresh in my mind."

O'Neill didn't reply. The silence was unnerving and Sam felt she had to keep on talking.

"So, I'll just...go...and....get them?"

"I'll come with," he answered.

"You don't have to do that."

"Carter, it's night and we're in enemy territory...you're not going alone."

"Whatever you say, sir."

There was no point in arguing with him. But she couldn't exactly tell her commanding officer he was being a pain in the butt and he should just leave her alone. She'd have to make some show of dismantling the communicator....but she wouldn't be able to complete her self-appointed task. Of course she could have told him the real reason, but he would have thought she was being needlessly sentimental. There was no way he could understand. Who did? Sam herself couldn't really explain it. She hadn't asked for this to happen, she hadn't wanted anyone to fall in love with her, least of all a Tok'ra symbiont.

The crash site wasn't far from their destination. A mile, maybe less. It didn't take them long to reach the spot. Sam felt herself hesitate as they passed the tree where Eliot had been left. He'd been so young, so eager....admired O'Neill immensely. Sam privately suspected the Colonel had thought very highly of the young man too.

"Do what you have to, Carter," O'Neill said.

"Right."

No time to remember, no time to mourn. Sam went to walk past the Colonel, but his hand shot out, catching hers. She looked up at him angrily, but his eyes betrayed his understanding. He knew.

"Thank you, sir," she whispered.

"No problem."

"I'll just be a minute."

"Take all the time you need. The other guys have everything under control."

She felt a little awkward at first, but she quickly forgot O'Neill was watching. Taking her knife she started digging into the soft ground beneath the tree. It was a while before she noticed the Colonel had joined her. He sunk his knife into the ground next to hers, loosening the soil, preparing the ground. She was certain he didn't know what she was doing, but he seemed content to follow her lead.

Once the earth had been prepared, Sam dug into her rucksack, pulling out some dirty looking bulbs and a packet of seeds. Daffodils, bluebells, primroses.....Earth flowers. A small reminder of the man who had given his life to save them. And of Lantesh.....

"Nice," the colonel said as she finished.

Sam sat back on he heels admiring her work. She wondered if she should say a prayer, but nothing came to mind. To her surprise, the colonel's soft voice spoke words she would have never expected him to know,

"If I should die, think only this of me: That there's some corner of a foreign field that is for ever....Earth."

She smiled slightly at the misquote....which was somehow appropriate.

"You know he was seeing Jennifer?" she said.

"Really? Did someone tell her?"

"I did."

"Thanks."

"Only fair. I figured you broke the news to his parents....."

Sam suddenly realised O'Neill was sitting very close to her...close enough that his thigh rested against hers.

"Before he died...before he died....Eliot told me that Lantesh loved me."

She didn't know why she was telling O'Neill of all people.

"And this was a surprise?" there was a hint of a smile in the colonel's voice.

"I didn't ask him to!" Sam snapped. "I did nothing to encourage him and I resent your implication, sir."

"Easy, Carter. That's not what I meant. There are plenty of reasons why he loved you....." his voice dropped to a barely audible whisper, "trust me on this."

It was the nearest he had come to repeating the confession made during the Zaytarc testing. Sam felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. Over the past eighteen months she had allowed herself to forget....now it all came crashing back, along with the inexplicable feelings of guilt. The warmth of his leg pressed against hers, reminded Sam that this was the man she wasn't supposed to love.

"We should get back," he reminded gently, "we do have a planet to save."

"Sometimes I wish it would save itself," she murmured.

But she climbed to her feet, instinctively obeying his implied order. As she turned her face to the sky, a few drops of rain softly caressed her cheeks. Wordlessly, she held out her hand, helping O'Neill to his feet. He swore as his knees protested. Which was probably the reason he held onto her a little longer than necessary.

"Aren't you going to say it?" she demanded.

"Say what?" he asked in return.

"Give me the 'I love you' speech?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Because, right now I don't think you want to hear it."

This man....this cynical, rough, wounded man.....was continually surprising her. Sam felt something prick in her eyes....something which may have been tears.

"When you're ready, Sam, I'll have no problem saying those words."

There was no answer she could give. Instead she let her eyes drift to Eliot's last resting place. The rain was falling in earnest now, beating soulessly on the fresh dug earth. She wouldn't forget....she wouldn't forget any of them. The colonel's hand touched her back, briefly, reminding her it was time to go. Time to save the world. Sam straightened her shoulders, shaking away the grief and exhaustion. She'd had her moment, now she had to get to work. O'Neill smiled at her and she returned the grin, silently thanking him for his friendship and support.

In silent accord, they headed back towards the cargo ship. Sam only looked back once. She imagined the site as it would be in a years time, when the flowers had started to bloom. It would be beautiful.....a fitting tribute to a brave young man who had died before his time.....

"It was an honour...." she began to say.

"....serving with you," O'Neill finished, echoing her sentiment.

TE




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