Samantha Carter slowly sank to the deck in the throws of utter defeat. She had completely run out of ideas, she was thoroughly exhausted on all levels, and her head was screaming with blinding pain. As she slid down the wall, so her heart slid down the depths of despair. Silent tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. She propped her arms up on her bent knees, dropped her head down and waited for unconsciousness to overtake her once more.
“All right Carter, come on, on your feet let's go.” Colonel O’Neill’s familiar voice echoed through the corridor and brought Sam’s head wearily up to attention.
“I was wondering when you were going to show up.” Her voice was as ragged as her body. Sam let a deep sigh escape her lips. It would figure that he’d wait until she was utterly defenseless. She swallowed back a bubble of panic that sprung up fast as he moved in close to her, too close for comfort.
He dropped down to sit across from her. He wasn’t in uniform, she noted somewhere in the back of her throbbing head. “You just gonna sit there?”
She tried to smile, but it came out more of a grimace. “Too tired, Sir.”
Jack cocked his head to one side, his eyes getting a certain little gleaming quality. “Samantha,” He fairly drawled her name out, his voice so soft and low and downright sexy—Whoa! What? How could she be thinking thoughts like that with her head in this condition? Jack continued, “I'm a figment of your imagination. You're gonna call me ‘Sir’?”
This time the smile at least reached her eyes. “Old habit. Sorry.” She tried, she really tried, but even now, she couldn’t bring herself to call him by his given name. She couldn’t even think it. And even with a severe, hallucination-inducing head injury, Sam realized how pathetic that was.
“Sorry…?” He raised is eyebrows, urging her to give up this little battle.
She hesitated still. Here she was baiting herself, for what? Why is it suddenly such a big deal, she asked herself. Then she had to answer herself… and the truth was, it has always been a big deal. It had become an almost physical barrier, the informal address of calling him by name. It was too familiar. Too close to crossing that intangible boundary between professional friends and… anything more was too dangerous to even name. Sam sighed as she found herself coming full circle.
“Sam?” He prompted once more.
She looked back up to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s… it’s just hard to…to break the habit…and the barrier that goes with it.”
He gazed at her for a quiet moment, then nodded slowly. “So, you gonna save yourself or what?”
Her eyes passed silent thanks as she spoke. “I've tried.”
“Just giving up then?” He was definitely baiting her now.
She shrugged half-heartedly, too tired to do anything more. “I just don't know what else to do right now.”
He offered her an encouraging smile. “You'll think of something.”
“Came to give me a pep talk?”
“That's what friends are for.”
“Friends?”
“Hey. This is you talking here. Might as well be honest.”
Sam mulled this over for a moment. Is that what this was? Her chance to be honest with herself, once and for all, about her… Crap, even thinking it gave her pause. This was getting ridiculous. She was a fully grown woman, an Officer of the United States Air Force, and she’s gone toe to toe with some of the fiercest foes in this galaxy. She could damn well address her own personal issues, all right, her damn feelings for her superior and commanding officer. Her entire face shifted, suddenly resolute, determined, almost aggressive, even.
“ What if I quit the Air Force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?”
He didn’t hesitate for a second. “I would never ask you to give up your career.”
Her face softened, a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “I know you wouldn’t.”
He smiled, a strange, challenging sort of smirk. “Let’s see, here. Daniel shows up, you talk about the nebula. With T, its battle strategy. But when I show up, what is it you want to discuss?”
Sam’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Dad was here too.”
“And what did he tell you?” O’Neill countered.
Sam thought back, not an easy task as her head was still throbbing like all the bells of Notre Dame being played with by an army of hunchbacks. “He said, ‘It's time to let go of the things that prevent you from finding happiness… You deserve to love someone and be loved in return.’”
O’Neill’s face sobered. He looked across at her with somber eyes. “Jacob was right. You deserve more.”
“I'm trying…” Her head was nearly spinning off her shoulders now. “ I just don’t know…”
“Maybe it's not me that's the problem here.” What was he suggesting now? Sam waited for him to explain further. “Let's face it, Sam, I'm not that complex.”
She was rather shocked. “Me?” she blurted out in surprise.
“Sam… We both know the score here. We’ve been dancing around it for seven years, and for all the right reasons. But when it comes down to it, we keep coming right back to the same place. I’ve always been here for you, I’ve always tried to be open to discussion, and time after time, you shut me down, shut me out, and walk away.”
As his words sunk in, Sam could practically feel the hurt she had caused him as though it were her own pain. Another fresh pool of tears welled up, and she swallowed hard against them. Her face was filled with regret and apology. When at last she tried to speak, her voice was hoarse, broken and uneven. “Dad thinks I’ve denied myself the experience because…because I think it must inevitably end in pain and loneliness… But there’s more to it than that… Given our working relationship, our military ranks… It just seems impossible. It’s been over seven years, and yet, it seems we’re no closer to winning this war than when we begun. We can’t walk away; they need us. But I can’t keep holding on to a ‘someday maybe’ anymore.” She halted and swiped at the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks, unheeded until now. She took a shuddering breath, then another, then swallowed hard against the remaining tears still threatening to deluge.
“I need more, Jack. I need you. Which terrifies me, because I don’t see any possible way for us to—” She suddenly stopped. Stared at him for a long moment. Then, without warning, she launched herself forward at him. He caught her in his arms, and as her mouth descended upon his, he pulled her in close to his body. Seven years of repressed emotions came flooding out in that kiss, their lips nearly fusing together from their combined and accelerated heat. She wrapped her hands around his neck, then slid them up to cup his face as she explored his lips with her own. He brought his hands up to get entangled in her short tresses, his long fingers tenderly massaging her sensitive scalp. Sam darted her tongue out to taste him, and he opened his mouth in welcoming invitation. Before she could get any further lost, though, she pulled away.
Jack kept his arms around her, loosely holding her, giving her just enough support to keep her upright. She was grateful, for she was rather thoroughly lightheaded for a long moment after the kiss ended. For a hallucination, she mused, that sure felt awfully damned real. And most strangely of all, her head didn’t hurt so bad now.
Jack reached back to cup her face in his hands again. “I will always be there for you, no matter what. Believe me.” Sam stared back for a long moment before nodding.
At last, she found her voice, and a little of her old confidence, too. “So what now?”
Jack smiled. “Go save your ass.” Sam smiled back and nodded, slowly rising to her feet. As her blood rushed through her veins, she felt faint for a moment, the world almost blacking out for a split second. When it passed, she looked back to find Jack, but he was gone. Sam sighed. She should have known it was too good to last…
******
Fini~
Story Notes: Disclaimer: If you guys had had the intelligence to air This in the first place, I wouldn’t have to write THIS now. Since it’s your fault, and since I own less than nothing and am certainly not profiting from this in any way, don’t waste your time suing me.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]