I had always thought those people who had "special" songs were romantic saps, and much like my view of scientists, that they had some fundamental weakness in their personalities. However, it took only one individual to change my opinion about both. That was one Samantha Carter, my 2IC. She took both of these ideas and a few more besides and turned them upside down, inside out and back to front. And I swear that after tonight, I will finally tell her how I feel.
Why now? I hear you ask, well it's something I've not stopped asking myself about. Part of my head still can't accept this seemingly insane idea, but like I said, my old thoughts and normal reactions do not apply when I'm dealing with what has become my favourite subject. Besides, I think fate is giving me the nudge, I know it sounds stupid (and believe me normally I would be the first to fire a smart-ass comment at the guy) but this one song is haunting me.
Everytime I turn on the radio, it's playing. When I'm sat thinking of her (which I admit is most of the time therefore cutting the odds) even when she was trying to explain her latest scientific stuff to me yesterday, it came on the radio. I tried to listen to her and not the song, but I failed miserably and she realised I wasn't paying attention to anything other than that Damn song.
As usual, she knew what I was thinking (I think the goofy moonstruck expression gave it away), except she didn't get that it was connected to her. You know, this unspoken understanding we have has the damnedest lapses in ability. Anyway, she got this look on her beautiful face, it was kinda sad, but it was gone so fast I didn't know if I'd actually seen it or just hoped I had. Like the fighter she is she recovered her composure quickly and started to ask me about * my new love *.
So I had some fun! I know it's mean, but I couldn't help myself. I felt an idea strike, and cause they don't happen often, I take notice when they do. I'd actually thought she looked disappointed that I felt this way about someone else, so I proceeded to tell her (in selective detail) all about the woman I loved. What I described was someone who bore a *remarkable* resemblance to my 2IC. When she asked me did I love her, she tried so hard, but her eyes, they where my saviour. They told me what I thought I had imagined was true. She feels something, I'm not sure how much, but it's there non the less.
I digress, the plan I formulated was to get Sam to come and meet my "new love" tonight at the bar. The point being that when she asked where my "love" was, I could say something mind-blowingly romantic like "stood facing me" (or something that fits the mind-blowingly romantic idea a little better). I thought that I'd have had a hard time getting her to come (seeing as how I thought she felt something about me and wouldn't open herself up to such a difficult situation) but when she said she'd love to, I choked on my coffee. I thought for a moment I'd got her wrong, somehow misjudged her feelings.
But by then I couldn't back out, my *brilliant* idea had already took on a life of it's own so I had to carry the charade on. It had looked so simple - Sam would meet *herself* tonight and we'd live happily ever after. But because she was so eager, my confidence in my ability to read her eyes took a direct and damaging hit. How could I tell her, if I didn't know if she felt the same? I needed confirmation, and there was only one person I thought would be able to give it to me. I have to say, even under the threat of grievous bodily harm Daniel would only tell me that she does feel *something*, and even in an arm lock he wouldn't say more. In fact he only said that much when I told him how I felt.
The only thing remaining was to see General Hammond. That was gonna be fun. But I needed to be able to diffuse any of her probable misgivings, a pre-emptive strike if you will. It would be ok one way or another, I would either have his (and the Airforce's) blessing or it wouldn't be an issue. There are no regs against her having a relationship with a *retired* colonel!
I can hear what you are all thinking € '¶ Jack O'Neill give up the Airforce? No chance! But what you should realise is that I have given it up before, I would do it again in an instant if it meant being able to be with Sam. She has a brilliant career ahead of her, how can I ask her to jeopardise that for an old cynical soldier who has undoubtedly seen his better days? Besides, if the worst happens, I wouldn't be bored for too long... sorting out a nursery and then looking after the occupant would keep me busy enough!
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^^*^^***^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Finally it was time for our meeting, the time I'm gonna tell Sam all. I'm gonna do it, finally tell her just how much I love her, need her and want her. I *think* I know that she'll not slap me, or at least I really hope she won't!
Isn't it supposed to be the girl who spends hours getting ready for the big date? Not tonight. I changed eight times and ended up wearing the same thing I had started on. I wanted casual b ut...but...dammit; I wanted to look sexy for her. I wanted her to like what she saw. I can't believe what she manages to do to me. She is the only person in the entire world who is capable of making me, Colonel Jack O'Neill, Special forces € '¶ insecure about wearing jeans and a shirt!
*^**^*^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^***^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
I get to the bar early to make sure we have the right table, lights, music and beer. (I told you she messes with my head) The only thing left was to wait for what would be the most nerve raking, monumental experience of my life. Just as I'm about to order my second beer, in she walks... Wow! She looks stunning. I had always thought she was sexy, but out of fatigues in something a little more up to date than that Shavidi dress. I think I stop functioning altogether, certainly the only reaction to that little black number is drool, and lots of it. Just as I stand up to get her attention I notice that she isn't alone.
Ok, you know the feeling of having every organ of your body ripped out and then your heart being held in front of your eyes while you watch it stop beating? Well, no of course you don't, but use your imagination and forgive the description and you'll be about half way to the feeling that engulfed me.
She sauntered over, that smile on her face, the one she reserves just for me. Well she was smiling at me all right, but on her arm clung what I can only describe as a floppy "just stepped out of a catalogue" jerk who I could maim with just my finger (and boy would I like to). The only other person I hated so much, so quickly is snakehead Marty. Wonder why?
"Colonel, I would like you to meet David."
"Hello David" I said in that tone I reserve for people like Maybourne, Neuman and of course, Martouf.
He even held the damn chair out for her. That's *my* job for crying out loud. Well while we continued to exchange pleasantries my mind was spouting stuff which was decidedly opposite to the surface conversation and not exactly printable. I was in pain, deep, dark, soul destroying pain that reminded me of a time that I never wanted to revisit *ever* again.
"Sir?" My angel interrupts my thoughts. "So where is she? Your new love?"
"Well actually Sam" I start, "it looks like she had a prior engagement". What else could I do now? I couldn't tell her that it was her, not now that she was here with *him*. "Had another date she didn't want to break. By the way, she isn't a new love. I've loved her for such a long time, but I only just decided to do something about it."
I saw her eyes, she picked up on it, I know she did. Her eyes tell me so much. They also tell me that her brain took over and extinguished the thought before it took root.
"That's a shame sir, I was looking forward to meeting the woman who won your heart."
Well if I'd have gotten off my self pity horse, I would have seen the difference between the words she was saying and the message her eyes were sending and saved myself from one of the worst hours or so of my life. But I have often been told that I'm not the best at communicating once I've been hurt. So shoot me! I wish someone would, it would be less painful than this.
We sat and drank (I drank rather more than I had intended) and talked about nice safe topics with her nice safe date. I swear that man wouldn't be able to save Sam from a spider. How can he possibly be good enough for her? She is too strong for him, in every single way.
"So Jack", drones the pathetic slime clinging to my major, "What do you do with Sam?"
"Unfortunately, not much" my unguarded reaction replies. Luckily neither get my double meaning. "What I mean is its all Sam; I don't know where we'd be without her brains." Actually I do, six foot beneath this wonderful earth of ours. She has saved our collective butts on too many occasions to count, but grateful doesn't even scratch the surface.
I can honestly say that I was openly polite to the little weasel, but it was blatantly obvious to Sam (who knew my own thoughts better than me sometimes) that I hated him, a fact which she pulled me up about the next time weasel-features left us alone.
"Sir, what's wrong. Why are you being so funny with David?"
"I'm not Carter, how can I have been funny with him, he hasn't laughed once!"
"You know what I mean. Why are you making this so difficult?"
Once more, the innuendo went unnoticed (my fault this time). I looked into those eyes and they undid me. If she knew the power her eyes had over me, I would be in deep trouble. Deep.
"I'm sorry Sam, it just shocked me. You'd not mentioned anyone in your life before. It just threw me a bit."
"Yeah, I suppose I understand that. That's how I felt me when you told me about your lady"
We lapsed into less than comfortable silence. For one of the only times with Sam, I couldn't think of anything to say to her, and I abjectly refused to analyse her last comment. I decided that I wouldn't make this any more uncomfortable for her and weasel-runt, regardless of her unknowingly dancing a samba on my heart, I couldn't knowingly hurt her. Ever.
The next hour or so felt like the vilest torture anyone can imagine. Watching the woman I love with another guy, right in front of me. I tell you, I've never been so grateful to the military for the training they gave in Special Forces. The bit about not showing weakness, well it kicked in now, and rarely had it been more needed. Inside my soul was slowly and painfully dying, but on the outside I was Sam's Colonel, her *friend.
"My round I think" uttered Sam. "David, same again? Jack another beer?"
"Yeah, thanks" came the stereo response. It makes her laugh. Although the sound triples my pulse, it isn't her special smile. The one that makes me fly. The smile that reminds me of that damn song. I watch her walk away, captivated by the sway of her hips.
"Jack, do you have a problem with me, being with Sam tonight?"
Well what do you know? Weasel boy has some bottle after all. "No why should I?" I surprised myself with the apparent impartiality evident in my voice.
"Well it just struck me that you seem to care more about Sam..."
I didn't hear the rest of his whimper... my attention was caught by the jukebox. That DAMN song had just started. That is all I need. What have I done to deserve this, I know I can be a grouch, a cynic, a smart-ass, sarcastic etc etc, but I'm a decent guy at heart. I don't deserve this. I can't take this! I made my mind up to excuse myself as soon as Sam returned. I'm not strong enough for that song in this situation.
She glided back to the table, but before I could open my mouth to get the hell out of here she stopped me... "Jack, I know that this song reminds you of your special lady, but would I be an ok replacement?" (€ '±Replacement?' Um, let me think!)
OK brain: work god -damn it, get the speaking thing in gear... "I was just about to leave you and David to it..."
"Oh, alright... never mind then, it was just an idea" I saw the look in her eyes, resistance was futile.
"Well if you insist..." the interruption was swift
Ok, brain: when I said to get the speech thing going, you where supposed to consult with the rest of my *conscious* mind before running out of control"
We get to the dance floor and I see the uncertainty in my own eyes mirrored in the crystal blue ones I am rapidly losing myself in. It was one of those moments when all logical reasoning and argument fail to stop your heart and soul acting the way they want. I took her hand and pulled her close, very close. As she snuggled against my shoulder, I felt her breathe on my neck and realised that the previous hour and a half had been worth it just for these few minutes. Dancing with the woman I love to the song that I attach to her.
We settle into a gentle rhythm and I listen to the words...
~Everybody's looking for that something, One thing that makes it all complete. You find it in the strangest places, Places you never knew it could be.~
I feel her arm tighten around my neck so I clasp her other hand to my chest and place it just above my heart, the heart only she possesses.
~Some find it in the face of their children, Some in their lovers eyes. Who can deny the joy it brings, When you find that special thing. You're flying without wings.~
That's it, the way she makes me feel in a nutshell. Like I'm flying without wings.
~Some find it sharing every morning Some in their solitary lives You find it in the words of others, A simple line can make you laugh or cry.~
It's true, she can make me laugh and smile or feel like dying, I just wish I could share every morning with her.
~You find it in the deepest friendships The kind you cherish all your life, And when you know how much it means You've found that special thing, Your flying without wings~
You see, I told you that this song haunts me. From the moment I heard, it was like every word, every sentence had been written with us in mind. It was like someone had watched our lives unfold on a TV show or something. I have found my "special thing" in my "deepest friendship" I know whatever happens I'll love and cherish her for the rest of my life.
I feel her change position once more. This time, she takes her hand out of mine and places it with the other around my neck, her head once more nuzzles my neck. I can now only feel, thought waved the white flag about three minutes ago.
The song remains... I only hear selected lines. I'm lost in the sensation of having Sam so close, so tight against me. I can't get any closer without crushing her (or taking her home!)
~...to know that I can say I love you, at any given time or place...~
~...it's little things that only I know, those are the things that make you mine...~
For this moment, this second, she is mine. I know that I will soon have to hand her back. But just for this one brief instant. She is mine.
~... you're the place my life begins and you'll be where it ends, I'm flying without wings, and that's the joy you bring. I'm flying without wings~
As the last vestiges of the melody fade, I reluctantly release her, as she looks up into my eyes I can see she has been crying, (the damp patch on my collar adds weight to my conclusion).
"Sam, what is it? What have I done?"
"It's what you haven't done you idiot. I know you like people to think that you are stupid and get confused. But I know better. I really thought you had realised. That you felt the same. When we where dancing, I thought it meant something. After what Daniel said about how you felt, how he convinced me to make you sweat a bit, I thought ...but you didn't say it. You didn't say anything...You didn't even kiss me..."
You know how I explained to you before about your brain stopping functioning, well it took me a couple of seconds to return mine to action.
"What? Sam what are you telling me. I am confused, I *am* stupid. And I really don't understand. Can you take pity on me just once more and tell me what you are saying to me. Please, I need you to. I can't take it if I'm wrong again."
"I'm telling you that Daniel told me how you felt, he convinced me that I should finally tell you. It was that song Jack. I felt sure that you would finally tell me if we played it and danced to it. God this is so hard. I saw your face in the lab when it came on, I thought you where thinking about me. But when you told me about that *woman* I was gutted. Thankfully Daniel found me crying and told me that you had meant me, and that you were going to do something about it tonight. He was the one who convinced me to bring David, to pay you back a bit for hurting me....
"Sam, stop right there. Are you telling me that there is nothing going on with you and him?
As she nodded, her teary eyes melted his heart and set his soul on fire.
"You mean that if I tell you I love you, you'll say it back?"
"Yes, Jack I will. " There it is, the sparkle. The luminance that changes her eyes to liquid crystal.
Ok, I'm going to kill Daniel. He did this to me. Actually, no I'm not, what *he* did was give Sam to me. What *I* did was hurt her. The one thing I swore I'd never do. I think I have a bit of making up to do!
"Oh Sam, when you walked in with him, I died inside, I tried so hard, but I couldn't watch you with anyone else when I knew you belonged with me. I'm sorry sweetheart, I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted tonight to be a surprise, the woman I told you about *was* you. It has been for such a long time now. It just took me a while to realise it. I love you, always you... Marry me?"
What the pair hadn't realised that in not moving from the dance floor, they had become the centre of attention for the entire population of the bar. As they watched their own little mini soap opera develop, one of the woman couldn't hold back any longer and just as Jack proposed, she began a cheer that just cascaded until it sounded like a hockey crowd who's team had just won the Stanley cup.
Both our leads looked round, surprised by the previously unnoticed attention. Realising that the crowd where hung, waiting for her answer...
"Jack we can't" (huge groan) what about our jobs, the regs..."
"Screw em, I've already sorted it out. In fact I have direct orders from a certain Major General, that if I haven't got a yes out of you by tomorrow we are both on a court marshal, effective immediately!"
As the crowd egged her on Sam answered...
"So this is it, the single most romantic moment of my life takes place on a dance floor in a bar?
The crowd went silent, looking expectantly at Jack, waiting to see what he would do.
"Well, lets see. You want romance? Then I guess there is only one thing for it Major. Follow me."
As he took her hand to lead her out of the door, the huge crowd grumbled at not seeing the ending to the story.
"Sorry guys, but this is *private*" Jack looked at his major, my god, she looked stunning. Even with her eyes still rooted firmly in shock. Again thank you military, snapping into leadership in the most *intense* moments definitely has its advantages.
As they reached the door, their attention was dragged back to the bar
"Er hem, I think you've forgot something"
Jack and Sam looked round to see weasel-boy standing behind them. Jack was so consumed with the urge to kill him that he didn't see the smile emerge on Sam's mouth, or remember why David was actually there tonight.
"Look, idiot," Jack began, rather proud of himself for not actually killing him straight away. " Why don't you just crawl back under your rock, she's coming with me."
"Hey, that's uncalled for. I was only going to say that you'd forgot your coats"
Jack then proceeded to fall into his "what the Hell is going on look" Sam couldn't stop herself laughing at that point.
"Jack, remember, he is just part of me getting you back."
"Yeah, well doesn't mean I have to like him. Come on, we have something to do"
"Thank you Captain Roberts, it actually worked without you getting hurt!"
"It was a pleasure major, I enjoyed the fun"
*^*^*^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^^*^*
As they reached the top of the hill Sam gasped, it was beautiful. It was a clear night and you could see the blanket of stars and moonlit landscape in equal clarity. As she turned to the man she loved, she let him see all the love and need in her soul. He thought, not for the first time that night that his speech control had resigned its commission. This time he really fought it, this was way too important to suffer delay.
"Sam, my beautiful Sam. You said in the bar that you wanted romance. Well here goes." She looked on as he placed one knee on the ground. She could hardly believe that this was her colonel, about to make her deepest wish come true in a way more meaningful that she could have ever imagined. He was even kneeling on his bad knee!
"Sam, I have travelled through the galaxy with you, fought battles with you and died with you. But being team mates isn't enough for me anymore. Being friends isn't enough. I know I broke all the rules but I need you in a way that I can't put into words. You brought me back to life, and if I have to die, the only way I will do it is if I have lived a life with you. You make me feel things I have always dismissed as rubbish; you turn my life around and set my soul on fire. I can do anything if you are with me, will you make me fly? Will you marry me?"
As the tears streamed down her face, she couldn't believe how deep this man loved. She had never imagined how much he needed her. Wow.
"Er Sam, c'mom. Don't keep me like this..."
She started to laugh, smiling the smile that was just for him, the one he'd staked his whole life on...
"Yes Jack, yes"
For he first time that night, both finally gave in to the desire they had felt for such a long time, and this time neither was arguing when words and thought went on strike. Hell it's over rated anyway.
Now the sense on touch on the other hand...
The End.
Make Me Fly by Linz
Story Notes: AUTHOR: Linz (lindsaymallen@yahoo.com)
SPOILERS: not a one
SEASON: take your pick!
ARCHIVE: Anyone who wants it, just ask me!
Notes: The song used in this story is "Flying Without Wings" (Steve Mac/Wayne Hector, Rokstone Music/Rondor Music, London) and is sung by Westlife. I have used the song without permission; none of the lyrics belong to me.
FROM ME: Please tell me what you think, I can't seem to get this so I am completely happy with it. Any comments welcome, comstructive criticism only please. I have a fragile ego.
SPOILERS: not a one
SEASON: take your pick!
ARCHIVE: Anyone who wants it, just ask me!
Notes: The song used in this story is "Flying Without Wings" (Steve Mac/Wayne Hector, Rokstone Music/Rondor Music, London) and is sung by Westlife. I have used the song without permission; none of the lyrics belong to me.
FROM ME: Please tell me what you think, I can't seem to get this so I am completely happy with it. Any comments welcome, comstructive criticism only please. I have a fragile ego.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]