Finally! I laid down in bed after putting Taylor down. He was a 4 months old a few days ago, but he still didn't sleep through the night. I was exhausted. I laid down and looked at the clock. It was 2 am. I didn't get to call Jack today. He isn't suppose to be home from Washington for another 2 weeks. I miss him so bad. He left a week ago, I am a grown woman. Am I suppose to miss someone so much that it hurts? I wanted to call him, to hear his voice, just for a minute. I was laying on his side of the bed, inhaling his scent. I reached for the phone, but stopped. Jack wouldn't want me disturbing him this late. He probably had a rough day at the office. I'll call him tomorrow, more like today, when I wake up. If I ever fall asleep! I love Taylor to death, but he drives me crazy! I just got done feeding him and rocking him to sleep again. I know I looked like a complete mess. I only have 4 hours of sleep left. Goodnight, Jack. I send him a silent message. And fall asleep.
I awoke with a mix of the alarm and Taylor crying. I groan and roll out of bed. I turn off the alarm and go get Taylor.
"Shhhh, baby, mommy's here now." I soothe him. I picked him out of his crib and held him against my shoulder. He instantly was calm. He was such a good baby. I went to the kitchen with him in my arms and made a bottle for him. I put it in his mouth and he grabbed it and drank greedily. I smiled and went over to the phone. There was a message,
"Hey, Sam. I hope you and Taylor are doing good. Miss both of you like crazy. I can't wait to come home.... About that, I'm gonna be stuck down here for a week more then expected. I know, I hate it too. I promise, if you need me I will be there in a flash. Call me later. Give Taylor my love. I love you, Sam."
I sigh and look down at my baby. He's perfect. He had his father's deep chocolate brown eyes. But was surprisingly calm, I thought he would be just like Jack and always messing with something. He hardly grabs my hair. He drops the now empty bottle, and it lands on the floor. I pick it up, put it in the sink, and go put on the t.v. and put him in his bouncer. I went and took a shower and got dressed in shorts and a tank-top. I put on a dash of makeup and went to change Taylor. I changed his diaper and then put him in shorts and a t-shirt. After I dressed him I just looked at him. His tiny hands, small feet, small ears. I pick him up and inhale that newborn baby scent that I can never get enough of. He is so soft. I love him dearly.
It was early June in the Springs, but it was suppose to be warmer then usual today. I planned on taking Taylor out today. To the park, have him try some ice cream. I better remember the camera. Jack wants me to take pictures so he doesn't miss everything. I feel bad for him. I get our son all to myself and he is stuck in Washington. I slip on my flip flops and go out to the garage and get the stroller with Taylor on my hip. It was almost noon by now and he should be getting hungry here. I run inside and grab the baby bag, and the camera. I push Taylor down the street and walk towards the park. I take my time walking, enjoying the summer breeze. I walk to the small pond in the park and take Taylor out. I sit against the tree while watching him roll around on the blanket I got out for him. I laughed out loud looking at him trying to roll over. I take out the camera and video camera and record him doing this. I laugh more as he grunts out loud.
We didn't get home until the sun was setting. After the park I got him ice cream. Oh boy! Jack will have fun watching that! About 9:00 I put Taylor down and go into bed myself. I changed into pajama shorts and an even thinner tank-top. I brushed my teeth and padded to my bedroom. I climbed in bed and lay there, thinking about calling Jack. I picked up the phone and dialed his number.
"Hey," I say, happy to hear his comforting voice.
"Hey, I'm so sorry about not being able to come home sooner. But like I said, if you need me, I will be there in a couple hours." He had concern in his voice. I love how he is always looking out for Taylor and I.
"Jack, if I can build a Naquadah bomb, I'm pretty sure I can take care of a 4 month old baby." I chuckled.
"I know. You can do everything."
"I can't make you come home." I said quietly.
"Well, if you would let me retire," He said teasingly. "I want to be there with you and Taylor."
"I know. But the world needs you."
"You are my world."
"Jack, are you trying to make me miss you even more?" I said whining, but playfully.
"I try." I laughed out loud.
"Don't make me laugh, I will wake Taylor up."
"I'll try. Speaking of Taylor, how is the little guy?"
"He's good... He would be better if his father wouldn't live in Washington half the time."
"Let me retire then!"
"Jack, please. Please come home soon." I was on the verge of tears and he knew that.
"I will, I promise. You don't know how much I would rather be in sweats with baby puke on my shirt then to be in this monkey suit all day." I tried to hold my laughter in but I couldn't.
"Are you really going to be gone another month?"
"I'm afraid so."
"I miss you," Tears were streaming down my face by now.
"I miss you too, please don't cry." he said and I broke down and sniffed.
"I can't help it."
"Sam, you are the strongest person I have ever known. Why are you crying over some old guy with bad humor?"
"Because I love him."
"He loves you too."
"I love you, Jack."
"I love you too, my sweet Sam."
"Can't you come home next weekend?"
"No, I have meetings. Who has meetings on a weekend?"
"True." There was silence until his voice quiet spoke through the phone,
"Do you want me to come home?"
"Yes, Jack, of course I want you to. But I can't make you drop your job for me."
"Do you need me to come home?"
"Not right now. Just don't be gone forever."
"I guess i'll let you get to sleep." I said, trying not to sound so sad.
"You're the one who needs the sleep,"
"I love you." He said so affectionately.
"I love you too," I said.
The next morning I woke up and perked my head and listened for Taylor. Silence. I relaxed again and lay there. I looked at the clock, 8:30. Taylor was usually up by 8 at the latest. I got up to go check on him. His forehead wasn't warm. He stomach muscles weren't tight under my fingers. Maybe he was just tired from yesterday. I was fully rested and went to take a shower. I got out and my boy was still asleep. I put on a white skirt that came up past my knees and a aqua colored tank-top. I went downstairs and put on the coffee. I tided up from last night and went outside to get the newspaper. I came back in and read the front page while sipping my coffee mindlessly. I went and got Taylor when I heard him cry and dressed him after changing his diaper. I got him his bottle and held him why he ate. I thought about last night. I fell asleep with tears in my eyes. I really did miss Jack so much. I guess I do need him. But I could never tell him that. Maybe I can go to Washington next weekend. But I don't want to be a both to Jack. Like he said, he has meetings. But then again. He did sound somewhat stressed on the phone. Maybe a weekend with Taylor would loosen him up. Perhaps it will. I'll have to think about it. I just need to see him. I can't go 4 weeks without seeing him. Maybe I should get a sexy tattoo and wait at home. But, I'm over 30 and that wouldn't be very attractive. But then again, Jack would say it was the most sexiest thing he has ever seen. I laughed at that thought.
I burped Taylor and put him in the living room. He stared at the t.v. I was about to go back to my coffee when there was a knock at the door. I walked through the living room and looked at Taylor on my way to the door. I opened it and was surprised.
"Hi, Sam." I smiled at him as he gave me a brotherly hug. I stepped aside and let him in.
"What brings you around?"
"Just checking up on you and Taylor. Matter of fact, where is he?" I chuckled and walked him to the living room.
"There the little guy is!" He said excitedly. I laughed. He went over and picked him up. He started making him laugh by nuzzling Taylor's tummy. I got the camera on the end table and took a picture. I also got a picture of a surprised Daniel's face. I giggled and put the camera back down. He put Taylor back on the floor and sat on the couch. I joined him and he put an arm around me.
"How are you, Sam?"
"I'm good, Daniel. Thank you."
"I know you miss Jack. But hang in there, okay?"
"Daniel, I'm fine. I promise."
"I know. I just wanted you to know you are never alone."
"I know. Thank you." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and stood up.
"Do you want anything to drink?" I asked him. He stood up and gave me another hug.
"Thanks, but, I really have to get going." I was kinda disappointed. I liked having the company.
"Okay. Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate it, Daniel."
"Anytime, see you later. Remember, take it easy."
"I will. Bye, Daniel."
"Bye, Sam." And then he left. I looked around the room and sighed. I didn't know what to do today. I guess I could clean the house, clean up outside. But other then that, I have no clue. I wish Jack were here. I looked at the time. It was after noon. I got Taylor his bottle and plopped it in his mouth. He sat on the floor drinking his bottle as I sit on the couch watching him. When he was done he dropped his bottle on the ground and turned around to looked at me.
"Hey, honey." I said sweetly at him. He smiled and I picked him up. I held him until he started to squirm.
"At least you haven't left me, right?" I ask him. I put him on the carpet.
"Maaaaa," I did a double take at Taylor. Did he just say something?
"Maaa," I jumped up and grabbed the camera. I started recording and put it on a shelf so it showed me and Taylor. I sat by him on the ground.
"Can you say something for Daddy?" I asked him.
"Can you say that again?" I thought my face was gonna split in two because I was smiling with excitement.
"Mama," I squealed with joy and picked him up and hugged him. I turned towards the camera and said,
"I didn't want you to miss this. We love and miss you Daddy! Come home soon," I turned Taylor towards the camera, "Can you say goodbye to Daddy?"
"Baaaa!" He squeaked. I laughed,
"I love you, Jack." And turned the camera off. I decided to email this to Jack. I laid Taylor down for his nap and went to my laptop. I emailed it to Jack. I got up and laid down on the couch watching t.v. I started dozing off when there was another knock at the door. I groaned and got up. I looked in the mirror by the door before opening it. Making myself look okay, I opened the door. There was a delivery boy with a bouquet of roses.
"Sign here please," He held out a clipboard and handed me a pen. I signed it and he handed me the roses and left. I went to the kitchen and got a vase for them. They were beautiful. I stuck my nose in the middle of them and inhaled their sweet, refreshing, scent. There was a card on the top. I read it,
I love you.
P.S. Something beautiful for someone beautiful."
I smiled. I had a tear of happiness fall down my cheek. He was so sweet. I put them in the vase with water and placed them in the center of the dining table. I heard Taylor start to stir. I went up and got him.
"Hey, baby." I said as I picked him up out of his crib. I went downstairs and called Janet.
"Sam? Everything alright?"
"Yeah, I just have some good news!"
"What is it?"
"Taylor said his first words today!"
"Sam that's absolutely wonderful! What did that little cutie say?"
"Mama," I beamed at Taylor as he lay still in my arms while I sit on the couch.
"I'm so happy for you and Taylor, Sam."
"Mind if I come by tonight?"
"Nope. Not at all. I have been kinda lonely."
"Good. I'll come tonight with takeout and wine!" I heard the mischief in her voice.
"Great! Thanks, Janet. You don't know how much I need to socialize. Baby talk won't cut it." She laughed,
"That's why I am coming over. Be over at say, 7?"
"Sounds good. See you then." We both hung up and I just cuddled Taylor.
Janet was an hour late, so by the time she got here I already put Taylor down for the night. We watched t.v. as we talked, ate, and drank.
"So. How's Jack?" she asked me.
"He's doing good," I said, my voice was tight.
"Sam, don't lie," She looked at me and I sighed heavily and all my emotions spilled out of my mouth.
"He is doing good, Janet. It's me that's a mess. I miss him so much and he is gonna be gone for another three weeks. We only talk on the phone for maybe 5 minutes now. And we don't talk everyday anymore," I know I was about to break down, "Janet, what if he gets use to life in Washington and doesn't wanna come home to a baby and a ship wrecked woman?" Janet enveloped Sam in a hug,
"Sam, Jack loves you. Have you seen the way he looks at you and Taylor? You know Jack, he's not that type. It is okay for you to miss someone. Especially when you have a history like you two have. You guys were meant for each other, everyone can see that, even Teal'c." I sniff and sit up right, I wipe my tears away from my face.
"I'm such a mess, Janet. I never used to cry like this over someone."
"That's because Jack holds a special place in your heart, Sam."
I was surprised that came from her. But she was right. I never knew what love was until Jack came along. Even though I didn't realize it at first. There were some rough spots. But it was all worth it in the end. I grabbed the necklace around my neck that Jack gave me for my birthday last year. I never take it off.
"I know, he always will."
"Why don't you call him now?"
"He's probably at the office or sleeping."
"Try, at least." I huffed and picked up the phone. I dialed the number that was my only connection to the love of my life. I let it ring and ring and ring.
"He didn't answer," I say as I put the phone down.
"Well keep trying, I have to get going. I told Cassie I would be home in about 20 minutes."
"Goodnight, Sam. Don't give up on Jack." She stood up and gave me a hug. We cleaned everything up before she left, so I went to bed.
I looked at the time. It was only 10. Usually Jack goes to bed after 11. I picked up the phone and tried calling him again.
"Hey, you're home?"
"Where are you then?"
"In Washington." I smiled at his sweetness.
"I got some roses today."
"Oh, just some guy I know."
"Do I know him?" I decided to play along with this little game.
"Maybe. He is in Washington, has grey hair, very, very handsome. He looks so delicious in his dress blues, and black. He has a bad sense of humor. And how could I forget? His family is living in across the country from him."
"Sounds familiar." I laughed.
"They're beautiful, Jack. Thank you."
"Well, I would have gave them to you in person," I stopped him before he could babble on and on,
"It's okay, Jack. I know you are busy."
"I got your email today, I wish I could have been there. You looked so happy. And Taylor has gotten so big."
"I know. We both miss you."
"I miss you both more then you could imagine. I can't believe I missed our baby's first words!"
"Hey, don't be hard on yourself. Your job is important."
"But you two are more important."
"You know, Jack, Taylor can't grow up without a father like I did. Sure, you come home, but you don't stay long."
"I know, Sam. And I would retire if a certain someone would let me retire."
"Jack, please. I'm just homesick for you."
"I'm coming home a week earlier, I managed to get a week off."
"A week!?" I pratically shrieked into the phone, "That's great!"
"It's not enough though,"
"It's much more then you have been home in along time, honey."
"Well, I gotta get to bed. I have an appointment tomorrow."
"Okay, honey. I love you."
"I love you too,"
I fell asleep with his words "I love you" in my head.
I woke up late. Not late for my appointment, that was later in the afternoon. It was 10 in the morning. I jumped out of bed and ran to Taylor's room. He wasn't there. I ran downstairs to call Janet but stopped in mid-dial. I looked in the living room. Taylor was in his bouncer watching t.v.
"Jack!" I screamed and ran into his arms. He picked me up and spun me around the room. I grabbed his head and kissed him with all my passion. He put me on the ground and hugged me so tight I thought I was gonna burst. But at that moment I didn't care. I hugged him back just as tightly. I pulled back just enough to look at his profile. I felt his shoulders and held his face again.
"You are actually here!" I had tears coming out of my eyes.
"Yeah, and why are you crying?" He chuckled and took my face in his hands, and wiped the tears away with his thumb.
"I'm just so happy to see you,"
"I am too," He kissed me again.
"Are you here for a couple days?"
"No!" I said with a smile on my face.
"Yes!" I hugged him again.
"Hey, wanna have Janet take Taylor tonight?"
"Sure. But you gotta see this." I walked over and picked up Taylor, and walked back over to Jack.
"Taylor, can you say 'mama'"?
"Maaaama," Jack took Taylor in his hands and hugged him close. Jack was so good with him. And all kids.
"I'm so proud of you, yes I am, yes I am!" He was baby talking him. I smiled and phoned Janet. I went to my appointment before she picked Taylor up. Jack and I were alone. We sat on the couch just holding each other. I started kissing him and he took over. He kissed me and I thought I could fly. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. I kept kissing him so he kept bumping off the walls in the hallway. I giggled and he almost dropped me which made me giggle even more.
"Did you forget what I said about giggling?" He said as he plopped me on the bed.
"Nope," I said and laughed more. "I very much remember." I did actually, it was when we were freezing cold, I was cuddling up against him, he said it was his "sidearm." Yeah right!
He groaned and laid down on top of me. He kissed down my neck, sensations were running through my body already. I started undressing him and he was doing the same to me. Once all clothes were off, he looked at me in silence.
"What are you looking at?"
"Because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."
I blushed and pulled him back down to me. I kissed him thank you and wanted to keep kissing him. But he pulled away from me and started kissing down my body. His lips leaving a burning trail on my flesh. My skin was crawling with anticipation for him.
"Jack, please," I moaned. He moved his lingering fingers up my body. Feather touches that were giving me goosebumps. Only he could get me this aroused. He came back up to my lips and I devoured them. I only let go to moan in pleasure when he joined his body with mine.
We lay there, catching out breath. I lay my head on his chest and create mindless patterns on his stomach. I nuzzled his neck,
"Jack, I missed you so much."
"I missed you too, Sam."
"I thought about flying out there next weekend,"
"Yeah, really. I was so lonely here."
"I was miserable in Washington," I looked up at him and laid my head back down,
"What do you mean why? I have to wear a suit all day, be stuck waist deep in paper work, always have a phone in my ear, my bed is cold and empty at night without you."
We lay there a couple of minutes without saying a word,
"I wish you didn't have to go,"
"I love you, Jack."
"I love you too, Sam." We lay there in silence, I was wide awake, wanting to cherish this moment. I though Jack was sleeping until,
"I can't believe I missed our baby's first words," He said sadly.
"It's not your fault, honey."
"Yes, it is. If I would have never agreed to the job in Washington, I would be here with you, helping you with the baby."
I kissed his shoulder and cuddled closer.
"Be thankful for the time we have now."
"I am. But still."
"Thank you," He whispered in my ear.
"For giving me the giving me the greatest life. If it weren't for you I would have probably let myself get killed."
"Why?" I asked, I was starting to worry.
"Well, I only agreed to rejoin the SGC because I thought it was a suicide mission. After I lost Charlie and Sara I thought life didn't mean anything anymore. But then you came marching in that room and I was thinking I was a goner for sure," I smiled as he said this, "But then after I got to know I realized, things with Sara didn't work out because of what I do, what we do. You understand why I am away for a week at a time, I can tell you stuff I never could tell Sara. I loved her, yes. But not like I love you. I love you with all my heart and then some. Remember when you first met me, I was cranky, and always mean?"
"Well now look at me! I laugh and smile all the time for no reason at all. I make cheesy jokes. And it's all because of you. You made me a person again. I am no robot, or am I?"
"No," I laughed as I spoke, "You are the furthest thing from a robot. You are so sweet, Jack."
"Yeah, well, only you can hit that soft spot in me." I laughed again and he nuzzled the top of my head.
"I don't know what I would do without you, Sam. I really don't."
"Jack, that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."
"Well it's true."
"Yeahsureyoubetya," I giggled.
"Oh, Jack, I love you."
"I love you too, Sammy."
"What if I take a position at the Pentagon and we can live there?"
"You know that's not a bad idea, but everyone we know, our family, is here. I know you don't want to leave Cassie, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c, and even Hammond behind. This is home Sam. I would love nothing more then to have you come live with me. But you'd get homesick for the dull walls of the SGC. Trust me, I have."
I nodded and went silent. I was thinking about what he said. That is very true. The only family I have left is here. But then Jack is out there. I sighed,
"Sam, what's wrong?" He asked warmly.
"Well, it's just... hard. And confusing."
"I know. But whatever you decide to do, I will hold your hand through it all. I promise."
He took my hand and kissed it.
I closed my eyes and fell asleep in the arms of my lover. Our life may not be easy, but it is the closest thing to perfect I have ever had.