Pain. So much pain. And then I can't feel anything. As the darkness slowly takes over my view his face is the last thing I can see. My last memory is the fear in his eyes. It's so dark here. I can't see and for the first time in a long time I am really scared. I don't know where I am. His face. The face of the man I love is the last thing I saw and now the thing I hold on to when the darkness swallows me and I cease to exist.
Not like this. Please. Don't let it end like this. I feel something wet and warm on my cheeks and realize that it's tears. I haven't cried since I was a little kid. I didn't even cry when Carlie died. But I'm crying now. I know that Teal'c and Daniel could need my help but I can't make myself move. When she fell to the ground my heart stopped and I forgot how to breathe. I once told her that I would rather die myself than lose her. And after four years that haven't changed. but my love for her has become greater. But now I sit on the muddy ground with her lifeless body in my arms and the only thing that matters is that she starts to breathe again. But he heart refuses to beat and her lungs won't breathe. So I'm just sitting here with her now cold body in my arms. I never told her how much I loved her. I regret that now. If I got a chance to I would tell her exactly how much i loved her. To the stars and back, more than that. I look at her, her beautiful face, her lips that'll never smile at me again. her eyes that won't open again. Don't let it end like this. I think and removes a stray of hair from her cold face. I make an inhuman noise that could only be described as a scream of anger and sorrow. My legs won't work so even if I wanted to move I wouldn't be able to. my lungs forces me to breathe. But I just wish that I would be with her, wherever she is now. "JACK." Daniel shouts to me, they need my help. I don't even try to reply, I just sit there and hugs her lifeless, cold body close to mine. Wishing that my body heat could be given to her. If she is gone I don't need it. And if one of us have to die it should be me. Not her. She would have had a life. Married Pete and had children. that's okay with me, just don't let her die. Don't let her die. I refuse to realize that it's too late for prayers. That she is already gone and she won't come back. If you take her you can take me too. I think. Knowing that the only reason for me to keep living is to wipe all of these slimy, disgusting goa'uld's from the face of the universe. But I don't want that life. I want Sam. It doesn't matter where she is or who she is with. Just that she is alive. And keep giving me those smiles. After all it only takes one staffweapon shot. Then darkness surrounds me and all feelings disappears. except the feeling of pain. Not the pain from dying, the pain of seeing the love of my life die. I want her to smile. Just one last time. A memory of one of the times she smiled at me is the last thing I picture. The last thing I will ever remember. And then there is nothing. But I'm not scared because i know that wherever I am going it can't be worse than living without her.The one I would give my life for. The one I couldn't give my life for. Because it was too late. When even the blackness disappears and everything is replaced with a color that can't be described with words a memory of her smiling is what I hold on to. Her smile is all I ever needed.