Sam checked her watch: 8:25pm.
She was finally done for the day, and if she hurried and left without anyone stopping her with questions on her way out, she might actually be able to stop by the mall before it closed.
On an impulse during her last conversation with her brother Mark, she had invited him and his family to spend a few days around Christmas with her this year - instead of her visit to San Diego on the years her schedule permitted. Cassandra was also supposed to come and stay with her during the winter break from college - a tradition they had started since Janet’s death - so Sam was actually really looking forward to the Holiday season this year. With her routinized schedule at the base, she was actually able to make plans and have a good chance of being able to follow through. But that also meant that she wanted to go shopping for the kids (who were really no longer kids) and maybe get some decorations for her house to prepare for the occasion. Mark had emailed her a list of things Maggie and Jeff had suggested for presents, so that made it easier, but still, she had to get to it sooner rather than later. Maybe she should consider online shopping for the future.
Stretching her neck as she stood from her chair and took off her lab coat, she was about to close her laptop shut, when she spotted a new email in her inbox.
She did a double-take and smiled with surprise at the unexpected “Major General J. O’Neill” that filled the sender line. The subject read “Bored,” which turned her surprise into amused curiosity. Given the fact that they had barely talked since her reassignment to the Stargate division of R&D at Area 51, this was thoroughly unexpected, but pleasingly so.
Checking her watch again, she bit her lip as she debated whether she should give in and read it now, or keep it to savor later, when she was in the comfort of her house, and with nothing else on her mind.
After a moment’s hesitation, she made up her mind and clicked on the link. She sat back down on the edge of her chair as she started to read.
From: oneil075@usaf.gov
To: carte023@usaf.gov
Subject: Bored
I never thought I’d say this, Carter, but I miss your reports. Yes, your over-detailed, technobabble-filled, mission reports.
Seriously. The stuff that comes across my desk these days is just boring, dull, mind-numbing, wearisome, (I could keep going for a while) admin stuff. I miss Daniel’s too, every damn one of his was like reading a Goddamn novel. Oh, and Teal’c’s. Teal’c’s reports were great: succinct, yet eloquent. Like haikus, except with fewer words. I miss that.
I get updates on the Ori situation pretty regularly, which changes things up a bit. But I gotta tell you, even though those “hallowed” crackpots make for a good enough villain, they lack that particular je ne sais quoi that always endeared me to the snakes, and they’re definitely not as mock-worthy. Shame.
But enough of that. Have you got your Christmas tree yet? I know you usually look forward to this time of the year. I thought I might get one too, this year. Haven’t done that in a while.
All the best,
J-
Sam had gone from chuckling to herself to blinking away sudden tears, and by the end of the email she had to swallow hard against the lump in her throat and the painful tug in her chest. God she missed him. But she had decided long ago that it would never be a problem.
Yeah, right.
Her first instinct was to eagerly click ‘reply’ and ask him why he was still at work at this hour, or reach for the phone and call him right there and then. But then she remembered why she shouldn’t. Or at least, not with the kinds of things she urged to tell him: that she missed him (and the others too, but her missing him was different) like crazy, that there were many regrettable decisions that she had made over the last year that she wished she had done differently. Like telling him sooner how she felt, and not wait until she showed up unannounced at his house…only to meet Kerry instead.
That horrible, awkward moment had burned itself into Sam’s memories, no matter how many times she tried to push it away. Even though he had later told her that the relationship was over, the sudden appearance of the memory in her mind’s eye still felt like an electric shock down her spine and she jumped to her feet, closing her laptop.
She couldn’t think about this now, she decided as she packed her things and turned off the lights.
As she made her way through the now familiar corridors of the base, her mind kept going back to his email, though. There was something in his tone - something nostalgic, maybe. He had deftly tried to hide behind his usual sarcasm and humor, but there was a certain loneliness underlining his words. The old battle between her heart’s desire to be there for him - with him - and the rational knowledge that it couldn’t be, at least not yet, once again resurfaced. It was a decade-old, beaten but all-too-familiar argument that she was seriously getting tired of.
So as much as she wanted to call him just to hear his voice and his sarcasm-filled complaints about his job, it probably wasn’t a good idea. Not yet anyway.
And despite the nostalgic undertone of his email, there were some happy emotions too. Or happier, anyway: he was getting into the Holiday spirits, which Sam had never known him to do before, at least not since she’d known him. So that had to mean something good, right? That his life in D.C. had some good parts, that he was moving on from his son’s death and the feelings of loss he had associated with the Holiday season?
Annoyed and determined to push her myriad emotions to the back of her mind, she sternly reminded herself to focus - and she was so practiced at this that she succeeded. She made a mental list of things to do to in order get ready to receive her family in a couple of weeks, and things to buy tonight. The mental exercise calmed her a little, and for a little while at least, allowed her to stop thinking.
A few hours later, with her hands filled with bags and keys, Sam pushed open her door with her foot and turned on the light. Her house came to life and Sam took a second to take in the yet-to-be-unpacked boxes scattered across the different spaces as she dropped her bags on her path to the kitchen. She would have to finish unpacking before Cassandra and Mark arrived, she realized with a sigh.
Running those few errands and then stopping at her gym had worked wonders on her mood, and suddenly her earlier feelings and indecision seemed over the top, even childish. There was nothing wrong with giving a call to a friend, right?
Without further analyzing the situation, she fished her phone out of her purse, and pressed the familiar numbers. Hopefully he wouldn’t be sleeping yet.
Holding her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she unpacked her groceries, she tried to calm the butterflies in her stomach as it rang a couple of times.
“O’Neill.”
God it was good to hear the sound of his voice. “Hi, it’s…” Sam hesitated, “Carter.” She cleared her throat.
There was a pause, and then: “Hello, Carter,” he said with exaggerated formality, but she thought she could detect surprise in his voice, too. Clearly he had not expected her to call.
Sam let out a nervous smile. “This isn’t a bad time, is it? I didn’t wake you?”
“No, in fact your timing is excellent. I’ve been trying to untangle tree lights I found in one of the boxes I hadn’t unpacked yet, and let’s just say it’s not going well. I could use a break.”
Sam couldn’t help grinning at the mental image of him sitting with tangled Christmas lights between his hands, the colors creating different shades on his features as he concentrated, cursing at the tiny bulbs as he worked.
“Hey, did you get my email?” he went on, “I sent it-” there was a pause and Sam could just about picture him looking at his watch.
“Almost exactly two hours ago.”
Sam smiled. “I did.”
“So this isn’t a coincidence, a melding of two brilliant minds across a vast distance, then?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“Hmm. Too bad. That would have been cool.”
Sam chuckled softly as her nervousness slowly abated with each of his non-awkward, and just normal Jack O’Neill replies. “Yes, I agree.” There was a pause and Sam desperately looked for something to say. “So you made Holiday plans this year?” She asked, hoping this topic to be a relatively safe conversation starter.
“Ah, not really. Well, nothing social I mean. But after I emailed you I went out a got a tree. Does that count?”
“Did you cut it yourself?” Sam replied as she put away the last of her groceries away and moved to the living room, where she dropped on the couch.
“Oh yes. It was dark, so my neighbors haven’t noticed that their front yard spruce is missing its head yet. Boy are they in for a surprise in the morning.”
“Sir,” Sam chuckled, shaking her head.
“No Carter, I did not cut the tree myself. Not a lot of trees available to cut in the District of Columbia. But if I can get up to Minnesota next year, maybe I’ll do that. That’s what my grandfather used to do when I visited him up there as a kid.”
Sam blinked in surprise. “You never told me that.”
“What?”
“That your family used to live in that particular area.” Suddenly his attachment to the place took on a new meaning.
“Oh. Well. The land my cabin is on was actually my inheritance. My grandparents had a farmhouse not too far from there.”
“Ah. Well, it’s definitely a beautiful spot, I had a good time when I was there in the summer.” Sam kicked herself as this particular comment brought to mind one of their conversations over that weekend that she had hoped to avoid. “But anyway,” she quickly went on, hoping to get back to the earlier, lighter mood. “I’ll accept getting the tree as a step towards getting in the spirit of the season.”
“Oh you know me, I’m all about the season. What about you? Are you going to your brother’s this year?”
Relieved that he seemed to want as light a conversation as she did, she smiled. “No, actually they’re coming over this time.” Before he had a chance to reply, Sam forged on, the words coming out of her mouth before her brain could catch on. “Hey listen, if you don’t have any plans, you should come too.” She winced - it really hadn’t been her intention to invite him when she’d picked up the phone. What the hell was she doing? This kind of went against what they had agreed on. But it was too late to take it back. And maybe deep down she was hoping that his email had meant something more, that maybe, just maybe, the status quo they had agreed on no longer satisfied him. It had never really satisfied her.
“Carter, you don’t have to do that,” was his quiet reply after a heavy silence.
She frowned, and her heart tugged painfully. Had she read him wrong? “Do what?”
“Take pity on me. Look, I know my email was a little… whatever. And I’m sorry I dumped it on you, but I wasn’t fishing for an invitation, or anything.”
Half relieved that he completely misunderstood her intentions and half annoyed with his propensity for self-deprecating, Sam shook her head, even though he couldn’t see it. “I know that. And it’s not what I’m doing.” Taking a deep breath, she went on. “Look, all I’m saying is that I would love it if you could come. But if you decide not too, I won’t read anything into it. Cass will be visiting for her winter break, and I was planning on inviting Daniel and Teal’c too, if that helps.”
There was another pause, and she could almost hear his hesitation.
“I’ll… think about it.”
Sam knew that in the Jack O’Neill language that meant ‘no,’ but she pushed aside her disappointment. “Okay. Well, thank you for writing the email earlier. Full disclosure: I get bored sometimes too, so it was a great distraction.”
“Carter, you get bored?! No!” He said, his tone mockingly horrified - clearly he had quickly recovered from his earlier seriousness.
Sam smiled. “Happens to the best of us, sir.”
“Apparently.”
“Anyway, thanks again for writing. It was… great to hear from you. Really.”
“Yeah, you too.”
“Good night.”
“Good night Sam.”