samandjack.net

Story Notes: Thank you happy gal and samfox for beta reading. Your ideas really rounded out the story. Thanks to Sally Murphy for the encouragement to write the story. Copyright C C. French 2002


"Colonel!" Sam spat out through clinched teeth.

"Major!" Jack threw back at Sam.

Sam turned on her heel and slammed the door as she exited the room. At that moment, General Hammond turned the corner and stopped, watching Major Carter storm down the hall. He knocked on the door and immediately entered.

"Colonel, I think it's time you let me in on what the problem is between you and Major Carter. Meet me in my office in fifteen minutes." General Hammond turned and walked out leaving Jack with his jaw hanging open. He thought to himself, 'This is gonna be fun, for crying out loud! Sam had great timing on that exit.'

Fifteen minutes later Jack found himself standing in front of the General's door. He realized he had been there about 90 seconds with hand poised to knock. He dreaded the conversation he knew he needed to have with Hammond. Hammond deserved to know, but the repercussions... He knocked on the door and Hammond bellowed, "Come in. Have a seat, Colonel."

Jack O'Neill reluctantly sat down. "Sir..." Hammond waited but Jack just sat there looking down at his hands, the tips of his fingers touching as he sat on the end of his chair and leaned his elbows on his knees.

Hammond cleared his throat and Jack looked up. Hammond clearly saw the conflict in his eyes. "What is it, son?" he asked.

"Well, sir, there is a bit of a problem." Jack stopped. He knew that if he explained everything as he should; he and Sam would not be permitted to work together and the thought was unbearable. He took a deep breath and looked the General in the eye, with a plea, "Sir, may we speak off the record."

"I'll agree to that, at least for the time being. What's wrong, Jack?" Hammond replied.

"Sir, do you remember when SG-1 was in that "hell hole" on P30118 that Caulder sent us to when we told him we would not work with his people as long as they had slaves?" The General nodded realizing just how nervous Jack must be. He hadn't heard a sentence that long out of his mouth ever. Jack continued, "Well, Sir, when they stamped out our memories, there were some things it didn't stamp out. In fact, you might say it liberated some things. You've acknowledged in the past that you recognize that SG-1 is close, very close...and you know that I care a great deal about Carter." Jack paused and looked up at General Hammond, swallowing hard.

"Anise showed me the tape she made when she tested you and Major Carter for Za'tarc's, I know just how deeply you two feel about each other. Is this the problem?" the General replied softly.

"Yes, and no, sir. Before we went to that "hell hole", we never allowed our emotions to be revealed to the other, except when Anise accused us of being involved in the conspiracy. We vowed to never let it interfere with our work, to keep it in the room as it were, and I think we held to that quite well." Jack again looked up to see how the General was taking all of this in. The General nodded in agreement, so Jack continued, "but when I was "Jonah" and Carter was "Thera" there were no regulations to prevent us from exploring our feelings." Jack jerked his head up and saw the look in the General's eye and followed quickly with, "nothing happened, sir, that is nothing physical...we didn't get to that point but we would have if we had stayed there much longer," he stammered. He looked down and clenched his fists together as he continued, "the problem sir, is that the feelings we have been suppressing surfaced naturally and now..." Jack trailed off. How do you tell the general you want to make love to your second in command...?

"Please continue, son," the General gently requested.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Jack irrationally asked again.

"Granted," the General replied laughing to himself, since the conversation was currently off the record.

Jack clasped his hands so tightly around the arms of the chair that his knuckles went white. The General wondered if the arms would snap off. Finally Jack managed to get out, "Sir, I believe the problem to be an issue of sexual frustration on both the part of Major Carter and myself," he gasped, not quite believing he had just said that to the General, not even wanting to begin to think about what Sam would do to him when she found out.

"Son, I think it's time to put this conversation on the record."

Jack slowly shook his head, sheer panic in his eyes, "Please, sir, not yet" he swallowed hard and continued, "if this is on the record, SG-1 as we know it will go away. Either Carter or I will have to be transferred off the team, or worse."

The General nodded in agreement. "So, what are you proposing, son?"

Jack really hadn't thought that far ahead, but knew he had to propose something. He couldn't imagine going on with "their" work without both of them involved, without SG-1 being the team they knew and loved. He also knew Sam would kill him if the team was broken up, or her career was ruined by this confession.

"Son?" the General prodded.

"Sir, Carter and I have worked together for a long time without letting our feelings get in the way, for that matter, few would ever suspect." The General laughed out loud and Jack's head jerked up.

"Just how long have you felt this way about her, Jack? No let me guess from the very first day when she told you she would like to think 'she had been preparing to work with you all of her life?'"

Jack laughed, "right day, wrong speech, sir. It was actually when she spouted off that feminist babble. She had such spirit. Then I saw her in the field and realized she really was military, through and through. Definitely a woman after my own heart," Jack replied. "So as I said, we have worked together for a long time and our feelings have not gotten in the way. I think the problem at this point is that we need to discuss the issue. Sir, we didn't take our MIA leave after we returned from P30118. I would like to take Carter to my cabin for a week of fishing, just the two of us, sir. I think that would give us plenty of time to discuss the issues and decide together what we want to do. Then, when we get back, all three of us can have a conversation that would be on the record, sir." The General sat back to think about it.

"Jack, I'll approve this on one condition. I have to know when you get back that if you both want to stay on SG-1 that yours and Major Carter's emotions and frustrations will no longer be a problem. If there is any doubt about whether or not the two of you have this resolved, Colonel, I will reassign one or both of you, is that clear?"

Jack swallowed hard and nodded his head vigorously.

The General's voice softened considerably as he continued, "Having said that, Jack, there will be no disgrace if the two of you want to pursue a relationship at this time. I can think of several ways of reorganizing things to take care of the situation. I want both of you to be happy." Jack looked relieved as the General stood up and walked him to the door. "Son, have fun 'fishing' and come back with this thing resolved, one way or another."

Jack went to his seldom used office to contact his cleaning lady for the cabin. He usually just had her spruce up the place at the end of a trip, but there were certain things he wanted done before he took Sam up to the cabin. As he was talking to her, Sam's phone rang.

"Carter" she answered.

"Major, would you come to see me for a moment." the General asked.

"Right away, sir," the Major replied.

As Sam Carter walked to the General's office, she remembered seeing the General out of the corner of her eye as she slammed the door when she left the Colonel earlier. 'Uh, oh, Sam, you've done it now!' she thought as she arrived at the door. She stood where Jack had been a short fifteen minutes earlier, dreading the meeting as much as Jack had. She finally knocked on the door.

The General responded with a gentle "come in."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief, he didn't sound mad, but she was still hesitant as she entered.

"Have a seat, Sam" the General offered. 'Oh no. He called me "Sam",' she thought. She sat down in the chair in front of Hammond's desk and realized it is warm; someone else was here, not long ago, and she was willing to bet it was on Colonel Jack O'Neill. He was probably furious at her for getting him into this mess with the General. She sat back and folded her hands in her lap, staring at them, not daring to look directly at the General.

"Sam, I witnessed a scene with you and Colonel O'Neill earlier, and frankly," he gently cleared his throat and lowered his voice, "frankly, I am concerned. I just spoke with Colonel O'Neill."

Sam broke in, "Sir, please don't blame, Colonel O'Neill. I'm the one who lost my temper and stormed out." Sam thought, 'the last thing I want to do is get Jack in trouble!' She looked up at the General and saw a slight grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. 'It's plain to see just how much Sam cares about Jack as well.' He thought.

"Calm down, Major, I am not mad at Colonel O'Neill. You two have been through a lot. I understand that the "Hell Hole" as Jack calls it on P30118 has stirred up some extra tension between you two, lately." It was all the General could do not to laugh out loud as Sam turned pink and then red as she realized just what the general was alluding to. He realized if he did, that Sam would never open up.

Sam swallowed, fighting back the embarrassment before replying, "It was a very difficult mission, sir." After all, Major's were not supposed to be in love with their CO's.

"Let's talk off the record, Sam," the general stated and Sam nodded palely in agreement. "First of all, you should know that Anise, showed me video of you and Colonel O'Neill when I demanded to know why my people had been falsely accused of being 'Za'tarc's' the General revealed. Again the Major turned red and the General bit his cheek to keep from chuckling.

She thought of her words, blushing more than she ever could remember, "I saw the love and pain in the Colonel's eyes. We both knew there was no way to get me through the force field. But the Colonel wouldn't stop trying. It broke my heart. I couldn't get him to leave me, and I didn't want the man I loved to die, trying to save me when it was hopeless."

Sam broke in, "Sir, I can expl..."

But the general raised his hand again and cut her off. "Now that you know I know, I would like to know exactly how long you have felt this way...and be honest, because I do have a reason for asking." The General couldn't figure out why he had said be honest. He had never known Sam to twist the truth much less lie. She had to figure out they weren't telling the whole truth to Anise. Their feelings had been choked back so far he almost believed they occasionally were able to forget. This is no way for two people who love each other to behave. He hadn't seen a love this strong in, well the only other love this strong he had seen was that of him and his wife. The warm light in his eyes at the remembrance of what he shared with his wife suddenly dimmed at the thought of what Sam and Jack were missing. Sometimes even General's hated regulations.

Out of fear Sam thought about saying it had just started, but that wasn't her style. Besides, she trusted the General. "I'm not really sure, sir. I hated the Colonel that first day in the briefing room, I had been looking forward to working with him more than I had ever looked forward to anything else, but he didn't want me on the team. I thought it was because I was a woman, and then I found out that he felt the same way about Daniel, it was scientists he didn't like. It quickly changed, however. That first mission on Abydos when I met Daniel, I would have sworn Jack was jealous at how quickly Daniel and I became friends. Then there was the way he interacted with a young man, Skaara, and how horrified Jack was when he was taken as host. It was so personal."

The General interrupted, "Sam, has anyone ever explained why Skaara is so important to the Colonel?"

Sam sat up straighter in her chair, shaking her head, having wondered this question since the day she met Skaara, "No, sir, I have always wondered about that, but the Colonel never talks about him."

"Jack saw things in Skaara that reminded him of Charlie. Charlie had died right before the first time he went to Abydos. The way he saluted Jack reminded him of Charlie."

"That explains so much," Sam responded. The General could see Sam's response to the pain that Jack had suffered in her eyes. She knew Jack felt guilty about his son's death, even responsible for it, because he shot himself with Jack's gun. Skaara, had been one of his "boys" that had helped him defeat Ra on Abydos, Jack would feel responsible for him so he must have felt the same guilt he felt when Charlie died, which would explain the chances he and Daniel took when it came to Skaara and Sha're.

"Go on, Major, you were telling me when you first 'knew,'" the General prodded.

Sam grinned and blushed slightly, she thought she had gotten out of this torture, but the General was not going to let her off the hook that easily. "Well, sir, the way the Colonel responded to Major Kawalsky when he was possessed by the Goa'uld also moved me, there was such loyalty and friendship. Then there was the look on his face when I put on that stupid dress to keep from getting killed by Abu's people. That was probably the exact moment, even though I wouldn't admit it, but I knew for sure when Abu traded me to the Shavadi and I 'knew' the Colonel would come for me."

The General laughed and the major looked up hoping to be filled in on the joke. "You took a little longer than Jack did, and he told me about the dress in great detail," General Hammond grinned.

Sam again blushed red.

"As I said earlier, Sam, this conversation is off the record for now. The reason I asked about when your feelings began is I needed to know if you could work together with Jack without your feelings being an issue. It's obvious that you did for quite sometime, but you are definitely having problems now."

Sam remembered the slammed door and felt a sudden sense of dread.

"Sam, I want you to take a week off."

"General," Sam interrupted, "that really isn't neces..."

The General raised his hand to stop the Major from the tirade he knew was coming. "You have not taken any time off since you got back from the "hell hole" and neither has Colonel O'Neill. I'm ordering you both to take a week off and go up to his cabin to go 'fishing'."

Sam looked startled, "Sir, I didn't think you would approve."

"Under normal circumstances, I would agree, Sam, but I think it's important that you two work out the frustrations and feelings that were stirred up on P30118. You need to get your equilibrium back. You need to figure out if this is what you want to do with your life, Sam. There is no dishonor in getting married and having a family. There are ways we can restructure here that would allow you both to be in the SGC, just not working immediately together. I need to know when you come back, that you two can either work together without showing any emotion or allowing emotion to influence your decisions. If you can't give me that assurance then we need to look at other arrangements. I won't allow you to risk your own lives or those of your team. Don't look so sad, Sam. The reason we are having this conversation is because I have not already made up my mind, you will make it up for me when you get back." The panic in Sam's eyes started to abate as the General wound down. But suddenly there was an odd glint in her eyes so the General asked "Is there a problem, Major?"

Sam looked slightly chagrined and smiles wryly as she said, "My father used to make us go fishing. I was always bored to death. Sitting there waiting for the fish to bite, when I could be reading and learning."

The General laughed out loud thinking of the many times he had ordered Sam to "take it easy" or to "get some rest." It definitely was not in her nature. "I have a feeling your mind will be kept well occupied on this trip, Major." the General replied with a twinkle in his eye. "As far as Teal'c and Daniel are concerned, you two are on a special mission for me. I will suggest that Daniel take Teal'c out to see some of the great sites of our world for a change."

Sam smiled at the thought, but quickly thought of the disappointment Jack would have. He wanted to be the one to show Teal'c the great sites of "O'Neill's" world. She grinned bigger at the thought of how relieved Teal'c would be if he knew they were really going 'fishing.' He had never found a way to tell his best friend how much he hated it. Sam couldn't help but wonder if Teal'c would have enjoyed fishing if the lake actually had fish in it.

Sam went looking for Jack, but he was not in any of his usual haunts. She did see Daniel and Teal'c as they were going to see the General. As a last resort she checked the Colonel's office and was shocked to find him there. He was just hanging up the phone.

Jack looked up nervously, "I, ah, was just coming to see you, Carter."

"I figured you would be after I talked to General Hammond." She replied enjoying the fact that he was squirming.

"Uh-oh." Jack replied as he turned red. He knew he was in for a tongue lashing, but was shocked when Sam replied, "The General told me about our 'secret mission' to go 'fishing' and that he is sending Daniel to show Teal'c some of the sights on this world."

Jack looked a little disappointed, "the General didn't mention he was sending Daniel and Teal'c out when we were talking."

Sam laughed, "I knew you were going to be disappointed about that one, but don't panic, Daniel won't take him to see the things you would, he'll take him to a few museums."

Jack laughed knowing that was true and decided on a frontal attack, "so when do you want to leave?"

"Well that depends upon what I need to pack, do we need to take food, clothes for restaurants, or are we just going to fish all the time?" Sam asked.

"The food is taken care of, we might go to a nice restaurant one night, but the rest of the time is swimming, fishing and talking," Jack replied with an emphasis on talking.

Sam's eyes dropped in embarrassment when she thought about the 'talking,' but quickly recovered. "Well, I have a project I need to finish up," Sam started but Jack quickly interrupted, "I'll pick you up at your place in an hour and a half." Jack then turned on his heel and threw over his shoulder, "And no Astrophysics books or computers!" He chuckled to himself at the opened mouth look on her face as he walked away. Sam would have loved the smoldering eyes if she had dared to look.

Exactly 90 minutes later Jack pulled up to Sam's house. As he passed her car he noticed the engine was still warm. No way Sam was going to be ready. He knocked on the door and she shouted, "Come in." The sound came from upstairs.

He started up the stairs yelling, "how long until you'll be ready, Carter?"

"I'm almost finished." she replied. "Oh, there is a beer in the fridge, have a seat and I'll be down in less than five."

"That was close," she thought to herself. She had just put her computer and couple of astrophysics books in her duffle bag as she heard him coming up the stairs. She had no intentions of fishing in a pond without any fish in it for five days. She had already laid out the clothes she would need and put a few under the computer and the rest on top, just in case the Colonel got too nosy. She then went into the bathroom to grab the toiletries she needed. She wouldn't need many, if she had learned anything from being on SG-1, it was how to travel light, but still look decent. As she threw the last items in the duffle bag and started zipping it closed she hollered, "I'm on my way. Can you think of anything else I should be taking?"

Jack replied, "Nope, we should have everything we need at the cabin. Ready?"

Sam felt a sudden nervousness come over her and Jack caught the slight blush on her cheeks, but thought it was because she was running down the steps. He hoped she was eager for the trip.

"Ready," Sam replied, hoping Jack had not noticed the blush.

Jack tried to take Sam's bag but she hung on to it as she closed and locked the door. She was afraid he might notice the weight and figure out that the computer and books were in there. She threw the duffle bag in the area behind the seat and jumped in the passenger side of the truck. Jack got in the driver's side and broke out in "follow the yellow brick road"

Sam shocked him when she replied, "...we're off to see the wizard?"

Sam's eyes shone as he laughed at the corny joke. Jack knew he shouldn't say it this soon, but couldn't stop himself. He blurted out, "You are so beautiful when smile like that...and you don't do it often enough."

Sam blushed completely red and started on the tirade that Jack knew would come sooner or later. "What are we doing? This is insane!! What did you tell Hammond that caused him to approve of this trip? This is going to ruin EVERYTHING!" Sam ranted without a single breath.

Jack sighed deeply and ended with a little laugh. "Am I supposed to answer in order, Major?"

Sam took a deep breath and said "I think you had better start with your conversation with Hammond."

Jack blushed, and Sam couldn't believe it. At the thought of what he confessed to Hammond, Jack replied, "You know, I would prefer to have this conversation when I can look you in the eye, not when I have to keep my eye on the road. How about if we listen to some music right now?"

Sam thought about the importance of the whole conversation and all the implications it could have to "their" future and realized that Jack was right, that should be a face to face conversation where they could both observe the other. She agreed to listen to music. Jack popped in a CD and quickly changed the track. Michael Bolton's "Only a Woman like You" started to play. Sam was a bit taken aback. Jack didn't strike her as a Michael Bolton fan. She looked over at Jack and was looking into an evil lopsided grin.

"I hope you like it. Not my usual style, I know. I was spending the afternoon with Cassie and she had just bought the CD. When this song came on we were both immediately reminded of you. She gave me the CD, and I listen to the song just about every time I get in the car," Jack informed her. Sam just grinned. Jack loved the way that grin lit up his whole world.

They arrived at the airport a few minutes later and caught a flight to Minnesota. They both remained strangely quiet through the flight and on the last leg of the trip to the cabin. When they arrived at the cabin, Sam was a bit taken back. It appeared to be a bit more primitive on the outside than she expected. She was shocked when she entered. The inside was a little rustic, definitely a man's cabin, but also had the essential luxuries, like a TV and the entire series of the Simpson's on tape. Sam was biting back laughter on that one. As she turned around she noticed the table had been elegantly laid for two. There were candles on the table and a bottle of champagne cooling. There was a grill at the back door with steaks laid out marinating and ready to grill. Not what she had imagined. The cabin was a place she could get used to, as long as she didn't have to spend endless hours fishing for nonexistent fish she smiled to herself.

Jack grinned as he watched her looking around. "Hungry?" he innocently asked as he headed out the door with the steaks in his hand.

"Yes, sir," Sam replied.

Jack visibly flinched. Sam knew how he hated it when she called him sir, ever since they left the "hell hole." It was a constant reminder of what could not be. He turned and said with a strong on emphasis on the first word, "Sam, on this trip, I'm Jack, not sir!"

Sam looked in his eyes and saw the pain, but replied, "I don't think that would be a good idea, sir. When we get back to SGC, I might slip and call you Jack, and that wouldn't be good."

Jack let out a long sigh. This was going to be tougher than he thought. "Sam, first we need to talk, then we can decide what we are going to do...so at least until then." He then went out to put the steaks on. The potatoes were already done, as the housekeeper had put them on the grill earlier. There was a salad in the fridge. Jack got out the salad and lit the candles on the table. He poured the wine and indicated that Sam should sit down. He put a large amount of salad on each of their plates and went back to the fridge to get the salad dressing. Sam sat in silence, realizing just how much Jack wanted this week to turn out right. She didn't think she was ready to go down this path...just yet. It wasn't because this wasn't exactly what she wanted. She had to make him understand that.

They ate in silence and as they finished the salad, Jack brought the steaks in. Again, they ate in a poignant silence. Jack kept both of their glasses filled with the delicious wine. When they finished, they silently did the dishes together. Both of their minds racing at 90 miles an hour, they both knew exactly what they wanted and what they needed to make sure the other understood. As they finished, Jack took Sam by the hand and led her to the couch. She sat at the end, hoping he would sit at the other end. She needed distance to think straight. That was going to be hard enough after all the wine. Of course, Jack didn't give her any distance. He sat quietly waiting for her to start.

"Sir."

"Sam, for tonight at LEAST, call me Jack."

"Jack," Sam conceded, "the dinner was delicious. I'm awed by the preparation and care you put into this, but sir, we can't do this...at least not yet." Sam was deeply affected by the hurt look she saw in Jack's eyes.

Jack decided to take the bull by the horns. "Sam, do you love me?"

Sam blushed and replied, "Yes, of course I do, with all my heart."

Jack look relieved and replied, "Good, because I love you too...but then you knew that, didn't you?"

Sam giggled. The smile on Jack's face reminded of her of something, and between the wine and the closeness, she figured now was the time to find out. "There is something I've wanted to know for quite a while now, Jack. Do you remember the time loop we got stuck in?"

"Like *I* would ever forget, I'm the one who kept remembering," Jack quipped. Jack's grin immediately reminded her of the same mischievous grin he had given her the next morning in the commissary after they had finally broken out of the loop. He knew what she wanted to know and was chuckling. It was only fair to let her in on the secret. He slowly nodded and said, "You want to know what I did that I refused to tell you and Daniel about?" Sam smiled and simply nodded yes. "I guess it's about time I let you in on what you would never remember...but I would never forget." The gleam in his eye was driving Sam insane, as Jack continued, "I handed "George" my resignation, to which you asked me why I was resigning, and I showed you...It was the best kiss of my life!" he finished with that same grin. "Here, let me show you..." Jack took Sam by the hand and helped her stand up. Placing her where he wanted her and walking away. He came back and pretended to talk to "George" handing him an imaginary piece of paper and explaining that he was resigning. Then he turned and took Sam's face into his hands planting a soft kiss that grew as he dipped her back holding her in his arms. Her arms naturally fell around his neck just as they did when he did it in the loop. The kiss lasted longer than it did in the loop, because the loop didn't stop the kiss, but Jack didn't want to push things to hard, so he stood up and lead a breathless Sam back to the couch. This time she didn't seem quite so uncomfortable about how close he was sitting to her.

Sam sat there stunned for a moment and finally said, "Tell me you didn't, not in front of Hammond."

Jack grinned, "Right in front of Hammond."

"You do know that Daniel has teased me unmercifully about that loop and what you did that caused that grin," Sam tossed at him.

Jack just chuckled. "I think Daniel has known how I felt ever since I beat the crap out of him when everyone but he and the doc got that 'virus'."

"Neither of you would ever tell me what that was about." Sam sulked.

"Oh, that was simple. Daniel wanted to go see you after you ah, seduced/attacked me and I told him in no uncertain terms that you were mine...and then proceeded to beat the crap out of him." Jack laughed.

Sam laughed too. "You know, there is something I have never forgotten about the day I attacked you...actually a couple of things."

Jack almost leers at her, "You mean the comment about the tank top?"

"Okay, make that three, but that was actually later. When I asked you if you didn't want me, your response was "Not like this!", then as you were telling me you were taking me to the infirmary, you got in a nice nuzzle on my neck. I've never forgotten the feel of your lips here...and then the tank top," she pointed at her neck when she said here.

Jack couldn't resist nuzzling her neck, "You mean like this?" he asked so innocently.

Curiosity was getting the better of Sam, even though her mind was telling her this was dangerous ground. "The General told me you knew you were in love with me before I knew I was in love with you, so exactly when did you know?"

Jack grinned ruefully, "Obviously, I should have been the one to go second with the General. Actually, although I wouldn't have admitted until sometime later, I was a goner when you hit me with that ridiculous reproductive organ speech on the first day. I knew then how tough a battle you had been fighting to make your place in a man's world and that you had probably won every step of the way. I was trying not to admit it to myself by the time Abu kidnapped you. I was also worried about how dangerous the situation might be getting. I nearly panicked when they told me that fight was to the death. But you were a knockout in that dress, Sam," Jack grinned with a leer in his eyes as he remembered.

Sam laughed out loud. "That's too funny, because I told the General I knew for sure by that same mission. I was so thrilled to see you show up to rescue me. My knight in shining armor," Sam said with gleam he loved to see in her eyes.

"Like you ever needed a knight in shining armor. I wasn't much of a knight letting you fight that jerk, I never would have let you, if I had realized it was a fight to the death," and then with a sudden flash of pain on his face Jack continued, "or when that armband fell off. I have never felt so helpless in all my life. I thought I was going to lose you forever, Sam."

"I know, Jack," Sam finally conceded, "but that is why this whole trip scares me. We still have to fight the remaining Goa'uld. I can't stand the thought of not being there to protect you or you not being there to protect me, Jack. Once we have won that war, then I could be content with us not working on the same team, I could actually be content working almost strictly at the base on astrophysics projects, new reactors, weapons, the list goes on forever. I could visit the planets after we know they are safe. I have enough research right now to keep me happy for a lifetime, if I know that you are safe and not about to be killed by the latest, greatest, Apophis, Seth, Ra, or whomever. But until that day comes, I need to be a part of SG-1 with you," Sam ranted with special emphasis on the last two words.

Jack winced, because the truth was, he felt the same way too. "I understand that Sam, it's *our* battle. It has been since they took Skaara and Sha're, and I shudder to think where I would be if I had convinced Hammond not to allow you to be a part of SG-1. But I love you, Sam, and I want you to be a part of my life. What if it takes 20 years to fight this war?" Jack anxiously watches Sam as he continues, "You know, I saw a study the other day that showed most women could not conceive after 44. I've seen you with Cassie, I know you want children. How would you feel if you couldn't have any children of your own?"

Sam smiled a bittersweet smile. She had read that same study and was pleased that Jack had read it with *them* in mind. She had the same concerns when she read the article. Sam slowly replied, "God, I would hate it. I *am* human Jack, I've dreamed about being Mrs. Jack O'Neill, about waking up every morning in your arms. I want children, *your* children, two, maybe three. I've being dying for a child since I found Cassie. I loved how good you were with her, and if I had any doubts about how great a father you would be, and I didn't, they were put to rest when you tried to rescue Merrin. I was so proud of you," Sam finished giggling as she watched Jack.

Jack was dancing around Sam, elated. As Sam stopped talking he swooped her into his arms as he sat beside her on the sofa and said, "You've dreamed about being Mrs. Jack O'Neill. You've thought about how good a father I would be, you want to have my children. I can't believe it. Do you know how many times I thought you couldn't care less, that you would choose regulations, stupid regulations and a stupid job over me or worse yet, that you regretted what you said to Anise?"

Sam smiled sadly and responded, "Do you know how many times I felt the same way? I thought I would die when you told Laira goodbye on Edora."

Jack was deeply affected by the sad expression on Sam's face. He immediately took her face in his. "I need to explain to you about that." Sam started to shake her head, indicating it wasn't necessary, but Jack found her hands and gently squeezed them. "Yes, yes, Sam, I do. I was panicked when I saw the gate was gone. My first thought was I would never see the sunshine again, because I would never see your smile again. For weeks I did nothing but try to dig up the gate. I couldn't even find the exact location of the gate, but it didn't stop me from trying. I was sure you were trying to find a way to get me home. After about a month, I started to feel guilty about not pulling my weight. I started working in the fields during the days, but I kept looking for the gate after supper, looking for a way to get back to you. The very day before you figured out how to get through, Laira told me she had feelings for me. She told me she wanted to have my baby. We went to a party that night. I guess you would call it an engagement party for her son. I had too much to drink. When we went back to her house, for the first time I spent the night in her room, instead of on the living room floor. Sam, it had been 99 days. I had given up all hope of ever seeing you again. I thought you had given up hope as well. When Teal'c came through the gate, I felt guilty about leaving Laira, because I had made a commitment, not in words, but by actions."

Sam squeezed his hand and said simply, "And Jack O'Neill doesn't take his commitments lightly."

Jack put his forehead against Sam's and squeezed her hand again, grateful that she finally understood. He had seen the look on her face when they left Edora and he had been doubly guilt ridden for the pain he had caused 'his sweet Sam.' He gave a wry grin, "like you haven't caused me any concerns. What about Narim, 'Marty' and the 'ambassador.'"

Sam grinned at the jealousy she saw in Jack's eyes. "Narim got to me a little. At first I was just flattered. I thought it was all fluff, but then he gave me this device that allowed me to feel his emotions. He really had some serious stuff going on. I felt guilty for not reciprocating his feelings, but then, he didn't know I had a thing for my CO."

"If you had such a thing for your CO, then why the heck did you kiss him?" Jack asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Daniel can't keep his mouth shut about anything, can he?" Sam replied.

"This isn't about Daniel, Major." Jack replied with a grin, knowing he was making Sam more than a little uncomfortable.

"I think we can safely say it was the same as your situation with Laira. I felt like I owed him at least that much. He really was a love sick puppy, Jack. I felt sorry for him. Martouf on the other hand was a Jolinar thing. He loved her so much that he was convinced he was in love with me. But he and Narim were both just too nice. You know me; I have a soft spot for the lunatic fringe."

Jack grinned irrationally, "I knew when you said that to Daniel, you wanted me to hear it and you were referring to me." His eyes twinkled. He watched her face light up in acknowledgement as he continued, but not to let you off the hook, you took Marty's death very badly, Sam."

"Of course I did, I killed him, for crying out loud. I have never killed someone I knew before. Someone I liked. How do you think I would have taken it had it been Anise," Sam replied.

"I could have lived with that," Jack replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

Sam landed an elbow sharply in his ribs. "Okay, how do you think I would have felt if it had been Daniel or Teal'c or for matter how did you feel when YOU hit me with the Zat the second time when that 'thing' invaded me???"

Jack's eyes were suddenly cold. Sam regretted bringing it up, but she saw the understanding in Jack's eyes.

"Point well taken, Major. God you don't know how relieved I was when we found you in the computer. I seriously don't know if I could have survived knowing I had killed you." Jack said solemnly, tears swelling in his eyes.

Sam swung her feet over the end of the couch and turned to face Jack, putting her arms around his neck. She pulled his face down to hers and gently kissed the tears away. She met his eyes and simply said, "You did the right thing, Jack. I wouldn't have wanted to continue that way another minute. I was so proud of you for making the hard decision." She reached up and rewarded him with a long, gentle but intense kiss that showed Jack just how much she loved and respected him.

Jack was a bit overcome with emotion, so decided on another a frontal attack to take the attention away from him. "And the ambassador?"

Sam shook her head, "What are you talking about,?"

"I heard him ask you out," Jack replied.

Sam frowned thinking, "Joe? Oh, you mean for lunch, it wasn't a date, Jack."

Jack grinned at how naive Sam was being, "Ask Daniel, we are quite sure he had in mind making you Mrs. Ambassador. Good thing you left him behind. Daniel and I might have had to take him out."

Sam was not going to let Jack off easy, "And what about you? You're gonna have to watch the drugs, Colonel! How do you think I felt after Hathor and Kynthia? Especially when I thought that night with Kynthia was gonna cause me to loose you forever."

"Which reminds me, the best you could come up with was, 'Goodbyes suck!'" Jack grinned.

"Well, it was a group effort. I couldn't exactly say, "Jack I love you with all my heart and I'm going to miss you every day of my life and then I'm going to go back to that planet and kill Kynthia for doing this to you, could I?" sparks flew from her eyes.

Jack chuckled and said, "You are so beautiful when you are all fired up. Do you have any idea how hard it is not to tell you that at the most inappropriate times?"

"About as hard as it is for me to just say 'Good luck, sir,' when I really mean, "Be careful, I love you, and come back." Sam starts, but Jack finishes, "to me in one piece. Just about as hard as it for me to stop with 'be careful!' to you."

Sam laughs and squeezes his hand, "so when I say 'good luck' and you say 'be careful' in a group of people, we'll both know for sure what the other is really saying. It may sound stupid, but that is going to help me deal with this."

Jack winced, "So you want to go back to the way things were?"

"That's not possible, not after Jonah and Thera. But we know what's out there, Jack. I could deal with the minor things, but I can't imagine living in world were we were married and had children while the Goa'uld were a threat. God, look at the alternate realities that we have seen. Dr. Samantha Carter may have reacted badly in the briefing to what I said about me being in the military, but she agreed with me later. What if either one of us was not a member of SG-1. Would we, including earth, still be here right now? And as crazy as it sounds, would we still be here if we didn't love each other. I think that has caused us to be careful and determined, not more indecisive. We know when we walk through that gate that we will watch each other's six and do whatever takes to make sure the other gets home safe, maybe not unharmed, but we always find a way to make sure the other survives." Sam paused for a moment, but Jack knew her well enough to know she wasn't through, so he simply quipped, "And oh how I love to watch your six." She briefly glared at him as she took both of his hands in hers and shocked him when she continued "By the same token, I don't think I can continue forever like this. What if we don't defeat the Goa'uld? I won't make that sacrifice forever," she finished vehemently.

The wheels in Jack's mind are turning, and Sam could see it in his expression. Jack suddenly sank to the floor on his knees in front of Sam, still holding her hands. He squeezed them so tightly it almost hurt. He is watching her eyes intently as he asks, "Samantha Carter, if we have not defeated the Goa'uld by June 2nd, 2004, will you be my wife?"

Sam gasped, but recovered quickly, "Yes, Jack, I will." Jack moved back to the sofa pulling Sam into his arms. He kissed her gently, but it built into a very deep moving kiss.

Sam finally broke free and caused Jack to chuckle when she said, "Kiss me like that again, and I won't be able to think for a week. Seriously, Jack, we need to finish figuring this out, so we can present a plan to the General when we get back."

"One thing I know, ignoring each other except when we are on an actual mission has not worked well. It drives me crazy," Jack spat out.

Sam nodded her head in agreement, "I agree completely. I need some reassurance that we are okay on a regular basis. I also need to see you in an environment outside of work. The other shoe is, if we are alone, especially after this, I'm not going to be able to keep my hands off of you."

Jack gave her a quick leer at the thought but was quickly sobered by her reaction. "So what do we do about it, Sam?" Jack asked totally lost as to the solution.

Sam pondered it for a moment and then responded, "Jack, I can live without the physical contact, knowing we have a time table and it will happen while we are both young enough to enjoy it, but I can't live without you being my best friend. I can't go back to the way we were before Jonah and Thera," Sam said with a haunted look in her eyes. She continued, "First I think we should talk on the phone on a regular basis. That will allow us to have some 'private time' to talk about anything that we need to but provides little temptation," Jack smiled at how her eyes twinkled as she continued, "and I think at least once a week we should all get together as a team and do something, anything, just so we have some time together."

Jack pondered it, and responded, "Ya think we need chaperones, huh?" he laughed, but somberly continued, "Actually, that sounds reasonable, and I think the General will go for it."

Jack couldn't breathe when he gazed into her eyes and saw all the emotions there. He pulled her into a huge bear hug with his chin resting on her head. He promised, "Best friends. We'll never settle for anything less." He planted a kiss on her forehead and added with a twinkle in his eyes, "even when we are the greatest lovers the world has ever known."

She giggled and gave him a small punch in the arm. She settled back into his arms where she could look up at his face. They stayed that way all night. For two people who weren't known for talking, especially sharing what was in their hearts, they talked all night, about all the things they had wanted to say for so long, the fears they wanted to share, the private jokes that no one else understood, Charlie, Sara, and Orlin to name a few. Jack finally told Sam some of the good memories he had of Charlie and they both cried as he told her how helpless he felt when he died. That he had lost all will to live, much like he felt every time he thought he had lost Sam. They talked about the hopelessness in Jack when Sam was trapped behind the force field on the mothership, about how lucky they had been on so many occasions, but Jack would have none of that. He was convinced it was because of Sam's brains. Sam took exception to that. She told him how she felt when he always put himself down, about how brilliant his tactical mind was, that he was as smart as she was, just in different ways. He finally explained why he didn't want to hear her techno-babble. It had nothing to do with the fact that he didn't understand, she had always known he understood more than he let on, it was that he trusted her implicitly and all she had to do was give him the gist of the idea, he knew she knew the details and that was all that mattered. It was just another indication of how she completed him. She agreed knowing the same was true for her, she was incomplete without Jack.

They even had the conversations neither of them had ever dreamed would happen. Sam finally opened up about what it was like when Jolinar had invaded her, how helpless she felt and the pain she saw in Jack's eyes when Jolinar had pretended to be her. Jack told Sam about the "snake" which Hathor implanted him. He remembered the fear of what he might do to Sam, Daniel and Teal'c with that god-awful thing in his head. He had never been so scared, because it might be him that actually hurt them.

He told her how angry he was when they were in Antarctica and she was so negative. He explained that negativism was one trait she got from Jacob that he hated. She confided that Jacob secretly wanted Jack for a son in law, but was frightened by the thought of them working together, but Jacob was more terrified of the thought of Sam facing the Goa'uld without Jack.

She admitted how it hurt her when he thought she was Sara. He explained that until she had entered his life, there had only been one love, it was Sara. She should have actually seen it for what is was, he already knew that Sam had replaced Sara in his heart, in a way he never thought would be possible. He loved Sara, still loves Sara, but his love for Sam was so much deeper than anything he had ever had with Sara. When he was on Kynthia's planet and he knew he was dying, he told her he had tried to write Sara, but the only thing that would come to mind were the things he wanted to say to Sam. He then teased her unmercifully for saying "goodbyes suck."

Even though they had set the date, they both knew it was imperative to find solutions to protect the earth from the Goa'uld by that date, or they might not follow through. Their resolve was sure and they both knew they would do whatever it took to get the job done. Jack was not going to let anything stand in his way. He couldn't stand Sam not being in his life a minute longer than necessary. He had a totally new reason and resolve for defeating the Goa'uld. He couldn't stand the look in Sam's eyes when a doubt entered her mind that it might not happen.

They finally drifted to sleep in each other's arms. They were awoken by the sound of Jack's cell phone. As he irritably shook off the sleep and searched for the phone in his pocket, he fussed, "I knew I should have told Hammond I wasn't bringing that thing along for this trip."

He found the phone and snarled into it, "O'Neill." Sam listened intently to Jack's half of the conversation, "No sir, General, everything is fine here, actually, better than fine." "But, sir, . yes, sir, we'll be there," and Jack severed the connection. Sam simply arched an eyebrow in question and Jack said, "so much for a week. There's some crackpot that knows me by name and knows about the Stargate. He's refusing to talk to anyone else. Hammond's ordering us to go check it out." Jack was disgusted and it only got worse when he saw the disappointment in Sam's eyes.

They were still sitting there in each other's arms, when Sam suddenly giggled. She had felt something against her leg and couldn't help but quip, "Is that your side arm, sir?"

Jack leered at her and shocked her with his response, "Not this time, Major!"

Suddenly Sam was more than a little uncomfortable. "I think I'll go take a shower and get ready to move out, sir."

"I have dibs on the first shower, Major." At that Jack unceremoniously planted a good morning kiss on Sam, sat her firmly on couch and made his way to shower.

Sam couldn't repress a giggle as she went into the kitchen to make coffee. She fixed a simple breakfast and they ate rather quietly as Jack explained more about the General's call. Daniel and Teal'c would meet them back at the mountain this afternoon. They will then go to Montana and see what the nut case was up to. He also explained that when they got to the mountain, the first order of business was to talk to the General. Sam was fretful, but knew that their plan made sense. She also knew the General didn't want to lose his best team. Therefore, it seemed logical that he would agree to their plan.

"Jack, the General should be our second order of business," Sam surprised Jack.

"What should we do first?" he asked.

She responded, "The plans we have made affect Daniel and Teal'c. I think we should explain to them exactly what they are involved in, after all, if we make a mistake, it might cost them their lives."

Jack flinched, both at the honesty of her words and also at the fact that he should have thought of it. "Absolutely. I'm sure they will have no problem with what we want to do, but they should know. It's only fair."

When they entered the base, they immediately sought out Daniel and Teal'c. They took them to Sam's lab, it was larger than Jack's office. Daniel literally jumped for joy. He claimed to know in Abydos that they were in love. If he couldn't have Sha're, he at least wanted his best friends to be happy. They had a long talk about Daniel keeping his mouth shut. After all, he was known as the mouth of the mountain. Want something known, just tell Daniel.

Teal'c on the other shocked both Sam and Jack. He grinned like they had never seen him grin. "I'm very glad that you will continue the fight. However, I am glad to at last see you happy. I have felt the pain your love has cost each of you for four years. I will be happy to participate in the activities that you spoke of."

They spoke of the dangers, but Teal'c and Daniel were confident that Sam and Jack would behave as professionally as they always had. They might endanger themselves, as Jack had when the armband fell off, but they would never endanger the others. They were all comfortable with it, as they knew it was true. Sam and Jack would both rather die than see the other dead.

The General was very comfortable with the plan, mainly because of how comfortable Sam and Jack were with each other. He had hated to cut their trip short. He had been worried sick that they might come back wanting to be split up. He approved of them letting Daniel and Teal'c in on the plan. They would need the support of their team, their family, for all intents and purposes. Sam knew there were two other people that needed to be in the loop. One because he was her father and he deserved to know, since he had already guessed, the other was Janet. They would never be able to fool her, she had been teasing Sam about Jack for years, and she had seen the pain Sam had suffered after Laira, Jonah and Thera. She would not believe anything less than the truth. Sam was given permission to share the information with Janet and Jacob. The General dismissed them with orders to meet in the briefing room in 30 minutes.

Sam went straight to infirmary. Janet knew immediately something was different. There was an aurora of peace surrounding Sam that she had not seen in a long time. She asked Sam what had happened. As Sam explained the new state of her relationship with Jack, Sam almost believed that Janet was happier than she was.

Sam didn't know that at that moment Janet started planning the wedding. She knew Sam would be too busy up to the very last moment.

When they met back at the briefing room, the General was genuinely relieved to see the professionalism of the team restored. He was confident SG-1 would be fine, and a small grin tugged at the corned of his mouth. He had no doubt the Goa'uld would be defeated by June 2nd, 2004. There were two very determined people who would make sure it happened. He just wished he could share it with the President.

The End




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