Still Holding Out For You written by K Osborn & R Marx
Never thought I'd be in this place
It's someone else's life I'm living
Wish I were living a lie
The hardest part is when the bough breaks
Falling down and then forgiving
You didn't kiss me good-bye
I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say
And pray I get the chance one day
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
I can hear you smile in the dark
I can even feel your breathing
But daylight chases the ghosts
I see your coat and I fall apart
To those hints of you I'm clinging
Now's when I need them most
I should get up, dry my eyes and move ahead
At least that's what you would have said
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep
It's the only true comfort I feel
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think you'll be there like before
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
Holding out
Holding out for you
**************************************
Still holding out for you By Anna B
Janet Fraiser stopped just inside the door of the lab. A single light lit the workbench where Sam Carter sat hunched over a jumble of wires and circuit boards. The radio was playing softly and even with the bright light on it Sam's hair was dull and the shadows under eyes were deeper than ever. Janet sighed, she'd been at this ever since SG1 had returned from Adorra, without Colonel Jack O'Neill. Crossing the room, Janet lay a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder, "Sam when was the last time you ate something?"
Without looking up from her work Sam answered, "I had some toast this morning, I think."
"You need to eat Sam."
"I will, just let me finish this." She reached across the bench and picked up another microchip.
Janet placed her hand on top of Sam's stilling almost frantic movement of the other woman's fingers, "And when was the last time you slept?"
Sam pushed Janet's hand aside and reached for a soldering tool focusing on the delicate work.
"Sam?" Janet prompted.
"I took a nap yesterday," she snapped, ignoring the shocked look on her friends face, "Janet, please, just leave me alone."
"As CMO I can order you-"
"But," interrupted Sam, "as my friend you won't. Please, try to understand. I need to finish this. I need to." She gave her friend a wan smile, "After that I'll pig out and sleep for a day. Promise."
Janet looked sharply at her. She was worried about Sam's health, physical and emotional. She had suspected that Sam's feelings for the Colonel had long since passed mere friendship, even if Sam vehemently denied it every time Janet broached the subject. Sam was unable and unwilling to give up finding a way to bring him home and nothing short of restraining Sam would convince her to stop working on the solution. I hope he's worth it, Janet thought. "Okay, Sam. I'll back off, for now. But I want you to eat something and at least take a break now and them."
Sam waved a dismissive hand at the doctor, "Okay, okay I will."
Janet watched as she bent over the workbench peering at the circuit board and then made her way to the door, once there she turned and looked back, "Night Sam." Receiving no reply she closed the door and walked back to the infirmary.
***
Several days later Daniel stuck his head in Sam's office, "Hey Sam, Janet and I are going to grab some pizza, you coming?"
"Not tonight Daniel," she replied, never taking it eyes off the computer screen, "maybe next time."
He walked over to the desk, which was strewn with discarded papers and coffee cups. Sam had practically been living on caffeine for the last few weeks. It had been nearly two months since they'd been forced to leave Jack behind. She'd had been working non-stop, only Janet's threats to relieve her from duty had persuaded her to take an occasional break. Yesterday General Hammond had ordered her to stop, eat a healthy meal and confined her to her quarters for eight hours. It had been an attempt to get her to sleep, but Daniel suspected she'd spent most of those hours working on the calculations she'd been feeding into her computer for the last few hours. He sat down on the corner of the desk, "You sure?" he asked her, "might be good for you to get topside and get some fresh air."
"The air in here is fresh enough. You and Janet go ahead, don't worry about me. I'm fine."
"You're sure?"
Sam looked up at him exasperation and fatigue etched on her face. "Yes Daniel, I'm sure. I'm fine. Good-bye." She returned her attention back to the permutations streaming across the computer monitor.
Daniel sighed, Sam was exhausted and frustrated, but more determined than ever to find a way to get Jack back. Despite the Tollan offer to send a ship, she refused to give up. This morning she'd had to be restrained from physically attacking a tech who had suggested that maybe Jack hadn't even survived. Another outburst like that Janet said and she'd be forced to relieve Sam from duty. Daniel had been aware of the attraction between Sam and Jack it was pretty obvious, even to him. But Sam's recent actions had made him wonder if there wasn't more there than just the obvious attraction. He eased off the desk and crossed the room. Damn it Jack, he thought, you better be alive and waiting for rescue when Sam finally does find a way through that 'gate.
***
Sam watched Daniel leave the lab and sighed in relief. Why couldn't any one understand she needed to be alone? She needed to focus on getting the Colonel back home. Nothing else mattered and nothing would, not until he was back at SGC safe and sound. She reached over and turned up the radio, that way she could ignore the next idiot who was sure to intrude. Pretty tune, she thought as the flowing piano music filling the room, flowed by the singers mellow tones. She typed in another sequence as the words caught her attention
..."You didn't kiss me good-bye
I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say.
And pray I get the chance one day..."
She blinked back the tears that welled up in her eyes. Should I have told him how I felt? What if I never get the chance? No, she thought, you'll figure out the way to get him home and then you can tell him how much you missed him and he'll know how much you care. A glimmer of a smile crossed her lips, yeah right, as if you dared. She sighed, the ever present reminder of regulations were all that stopped her from making a fool of her self.
..."I see your coat and I fall apart
To those hints of you I'm clinging
Now's when I need them most
I should get up, dry my eyes and move ahead
At least that's what you would have said..."
Sam's eyes strayed to the coat rack tucked in corner of her office. The Colonel's leather jacket hung on it, where he'd left it just before they'd gotten the go ahead for that last mission. In the past few days she'd taken to touching to every time she walked into her office. As she got up and plucked in off the rack, tears spilled over and tumbled down her cheeks. Sure it sounded so easy to dry her eyes and move on and she knew that he'd say exactly that, but she didn't want to move on, she wasn't ready to give up. She sat back down clutching his jacket to her breast, inhaling the lingering scent of his after shave. She folded it in her arms and buried her head in the soft folds, sobbing as the music swirled around her.
..."I still run, I still swing open the door.
still think, you'll be there like before.
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around?
Some things a heart won't listen to.
I'm still holding out for you..."
"He is not dead." She whispered the words over and over like a mantra as sobs racked her body. "He is alive and waiting for me." The abuses she'd heaped on her body in the past weeks took their toll on her and she drifted off to sleep, clinging to his jacket.
..."I still think you'll be there like before.
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around?
Some things the heart won't listen to.
I'm still holding out for you.
Holding out. Holding out for you...."
Teal'c stepped into the room and reached over, turning off the radio. He gathered the sleeping woman in his arms and carried her through the corridors of SGC until he reached her quarters. Gently he laid her on the bed and pulled blanket over her sleeping form.
The movement caused Sam to shift and murmur, "Jack."
Teal'c lay a soothing hand on her brow, "Sleep Samantha Carter, once you are rested we shall bring back Colonel O'Neill, sleep." Then he sat back and prepared to spend the rest of the night watching over his friend.
The End
Hope you liked it. Let me know. Annab@triton.net
Story Notes: itle: Still holding out for you
Author: Anna B
Email: Annab@triton.net
Status: Done
Category: SJR/Angst/Song fic
Rating: G (there's one little "damn" in there)
Season/Sequel: 100 Days
Spoilers: 100 Days
Archive: SJ yes/ Heliopolis Yes
Summary: Sam breaks down during the time Jack is missing.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended solely for entertainment, no infringement in intended to MGM; Gekko or Double Secret Productions. Copyright (c) Anna B.
Authors Note: I haven't seen 100 Days, so if I made any errors, sorry. But when I heard this song I immediately thought of Sam. "Still holding out for you" is by SHeDAISY on The Whole SHeBANG CD and was written by Kristyn Osborn & Richard Marx. And is being used without permission. :)
Feedback is always appreciated.
Author: Anna B
Email: Annab@triton.net
Status: Done
Category: SJR/Angst/Song fic
Rating: G (there's one little "damn" in there)
Season/Sequel: 100 Days
Spoilers: 100 Days
Archive: SJ yes/ Heliopolis Yes
Summary: Sam breaks down during the time Jack is missing.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended solely for entertainment, no infringement in intended to MGM; Gekko or Double Secret Productions. Copyright (c) Anna B.
Authors Note: I haven't seen 100 Days, so if I made any errors, sorry. But when I heard this song I immediately thought of Sam. "Still holding out for you" is by SHeDAISY on The Whole SHeBANG CD and was written by Kristyn Osborn & Richard Marx. And is being used without permission. :)
Feedback is always appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]