"Okay, I have a solution."
She shook her head and looked at him. "You do?"
"Yeah. I do. Get up."
"Sir?"
"Nuh-uh. No 'sir's. Just stand up."
Sam hesitated for a moment. It was, after all, entirely possible that he had gone completely nuts. He had this wild-eyed, crazy-haired look going on. Plus, they were on an alien world, camping out inside the ruin of some castle that Daniel had been overly thrilled to find ("I mean, look at this. I think this is a mural. Look at this detail, here, Sam. Sam...?") - who knew what kind of alien germs were floating around?
"Carter. Get. Up," he said through his teeth.
She scrambled up, not entirely sure she appreciated his demanding tone, particularly considering he'd all but ordered her not to call him 'sir' which suggested this was supposed to be something informal.
Sam brushed her dusty hands on her thighs and stood up straight. "Er... Colonel, what are we doing?"
He hopped from one foot to the other, slowly. "You know... recently," he began.
Then he stopped.
His fidgeting was beginning to make her nervous. So was his inability to complete his sentences.
Actually, she'd been nervous a lot recently. Probably had something to do with the number of near-regulation-breaking occasions she'd been participating in. And the number of times 'under alien influence' had come up in her reports. And the funky look Janet gave her whenever she saw Sam and the Colonel sitting together. Or standing together. Or looking at each other.
Or breathing the same freaking air.
"Recently?" she prompted, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice.
"Things have been... really weird."
Man, his powers of deduction were really *something*, weren't they?
Sam decided since it probably wasn't a good idea to glower at him, she'd better glower down at her boots.
Hey, boots.
"And kinda... tense."
She glanced up helplessly. "Tense, sir?"
The Colonel rolled his eyes and massaged the back of his neck. He was avoiding her eyes. "Yeah, Carter. Tense."
Suddenly, desperately, Sam wanted Teal'c and Daniel to come back from their perimeter check.
See... tension suggested that they weren't talking about something. Or that they weren't... doing something.
It was the 'doing something' that Sam was worried about. It was the near-doing-things that had got them into trouble in the first place. They hadn't actually *done* anything but Sam was beginning to feel it was only a matter of time.
Hell, the first time she'd seen him, she'd want to jump him. It wasn't something that had gone away. Now she wanted to do other things with him. Like... like - God this was embarrassing - sometimes she thought about... holding hands.
Oh God!
Holding hands - could there be anything worse?
Next thing she'd be thinking about cuddling while they watched a chick flick on TV that he only sat through because she'd promised him sex. Extra sex because, you know, they would have regular sex. Just... chick flicks demanded really special sex.
"Carter?" He waved his hand in front of her face. "Carter, are you listening to me?"
She snapped back to attention again. "Sorry, s.. Colonel. You were saying?"
"I was." Colonel O'Neill cleared his throat. "I'm saying... I'm saying...." He closed his eyes and blew out a breath. "Damn, I knew it was going to get hard."
Unconsciously, Sam's eyes drifted down his body and then, with horror, she realized what she was about to do and she dragged her eyes back up to his face. Think of the hand holding! she told herself. The cuddling! The chick flicks!
Don't think of the sex.
"Okay," he continued his eyes closed, "what I'm trying to say here, Carter, is that sometimes these..." he waggled his hands in the air, "things, have a tendency to be *really* blown out of proportion."
He opened one eye and looked at her tentatively, trying to judge her reaction.
Sam wasn't having much of a reaction because she didn't really know what he was talking about. There had been that issue of tension and then proportion and in between that she'd tried to check out his...
Hand holding. Cuddling. Chick flicks.
Focus, Carter. Focus.
She cleared her throat. "Okay. So things... can be blown out of proportion. And these things would be...?"
He did a quick gesture between herself and him. "This thing. This... Well, us."
"Us?"
There was an 'us'?
"There's an 'us'," he said, trying to sound assured but just ending up with nervous. "Isn't there?" It was nearly a squeak.
She swallowed. "Well, there's an...." Don'tLeaveMeJustGoCareAboutHerJonahThera. "Yeah." Sam sighed and closed her eyes. Oooh, dark. Better. "There's an us. Or something..."
"Resembling an 'us'," he finished.
That was good. He was good. He'd probably be really good... shit! "Yeah."
"So I figured, what with our situations. The stress. The close... working... conditions."
Man. Could he be any hotter?
Seriously?
"Close. Working. Conditions," she repeated, eyes still closed, her mouth lingering over the words.
She actually heard him swallow. And take a step closer to her.
"I thought," he managed, softly. "Maybe it would be a way to... relieve the tension if we just..."
Her eyes opened suddenly. "You want to relieve the tension?"
"Desperately," he sighed.
Oh yeah. She wanted to relieve something. "How do you want to... relieve the tension?"
"I want to... well, I figured... we could... you know."
Suddenly, her clothes were really tight. And really hot. And... tight. And hot. And his clothes looked tight. And he looked hot. And...
"Make out."
She blinked. "Make out?"
"Okay." Was he blushing? "Maybe just... kiss. A little. Because... it's clearly not going to be what we think it would be like."
No sex?
Damn.
But kissing... kissing was good. No, bad. Bad, bad, bad, oooh... baaaaad.
It had been *way* too long since she'd last had sex.
"Wouldn't that be going against..." she was loathe to actually use the word but figured the issue would have to be raised, "regulations?"
"Nonononono!" he said, quickly. Taking another step towards her. "See, I figure, this is to prevent any more... possible regulation-breaking situations."
It was only half past eight, Earth time, so her brain had yet to start its nightly shut down, and she hadn't had anything alcoholic to drink to alter her common sense but, bizarrely, his logic didn't seem remotely flawed.
"You think... we'll be disappointed and won't want to... do it any more," she stated.
The Colonel's eyelids fluttered slightly and his mouth spread into this tiny smirk... Then he seemed to realize what he was doing and his face ironed out. "Absolutely not. Because the tension will be gone."
"Yeah."
"So... you want to do it?"
GOD YES!
No, wait, she meant, "Okay." She decided the reluctance and general disinterest in her voice was totally worthy of an Oscar.
He nodded and jammed his hands into his pockets.
And stood there.
And she stood there.
They were, in fact, both standing there.
Sam wondered if she was supposed to doing something - anything - other than stand there like a lemon. But it was his plan, his idea, and she really didn't want to interfere.
"Yeah. This is the part of the plan where I always freeze," the Colonel said, finally.
"It is?"
He nodded. "Uh-huh. Could you... I don't know, move closer?"
Sam looked down at her legs encouragingly. They stumbled forward a couple of steps until Colonel O'Neill's feet were in her eye range. Then she looked up. "C.. c.. close enough?"
Oh yeah, Carter, manifest a stammer, way to impress him with your professionalism and maturity.
"Uh-huh," he said thickly.
"You should probably come closer, too," she whispered.
"I'm gonna. Just give me a moment."
He breathed in and out deeply a few times and then took one large step towards her so they were standing face to face, chests almost touching.
For some reason, Sam was now having trouble focusing.
He smelt really, *really* good.
Like... a man. Who washed. But hadn't in the last few hours.
Seriously.
He. Could. Not. Get. Any. Hotter.
"Let's get on with it, shall we?" the Colonel said brusquely, as if they were about to launch an attack.
She nodded furiously. "Yessir," she murmured.
Their heads jerked towards each other. Then back a little bit. They shared a slightly embarrassed-awkward smile.
Their heads dipped towards each other again and Sam's eyes started to close in anticipation. Moments before her upper and lower eyelids met, she had a thought.
Just the one.
"Wait!"
"What?!" He sounded appalled.
"What if... what if it's not terrible?"
"Huh?"
"What if it's not a disappointment?" she whispered in concern.
Because she was concerned. Really.
"Trust me, Carter," he said reassuringly, putting both hands on her shoulders. "There's just no *way* it could be as good as we're imagining."
She smiled. That was true. If it was anything like she was imagining... well, it just wouldn't be. "No fireworks," she said.
"No swelling crescendos."
"Bells."
"Drums."
She frowned. "Drums?"
He shrugged. "I ran out of clichés."
"Okay." Sam cleared her throat and licked her lips. "Let's go for it."
The Colonel nodded. "Ah, Carter, I'm gonna... tilt my head to the right."
"Your right?"
"Yeah."
"Sure." And since he was still holding her shoulders, she figured she could put her hands on his hips. Just to steady her.
Not that she would need steadying, obviously.
"Ready?" he asked.
She nodded.
He leaned forward. She leaned forward. There was a lot of leaning. Thankfully, Sam didn't have to rise up on her tiptoes and he didn't have to lean down a lot - they were, after all, similar heights and....
Their lips touched.
Both of them immediately pulled back, still holding on to each other, eyes opening and blinking quickly.
The Colonel stared down at her. "No fireworks?"
Sam shook her head. "Not one. No bells either. Or swelling crescendos. But..."
"We really didn't do it long enough to see, right?"
"Yeah! I mean, that's true, sir," she said, trying to tone down her voice.
"Okay." He smiled suddenly and Sam smiled back. He lowered his head but paused just short of their lips touching. "You know, Daniel and Teal'c might be back soon."
Her eyes fluttered back open. "Maybe... we should radio them and see how far they are from camp."
"That's a good idea."
Each of them looked down at the other's radio. Then at their hands. Somehow, Sam had bunched up his jacket in her fists and he was gripping hold of her lapels.
Sam didn't particularly want to let go and she would hazard a guess that the Colonel didn't either.
"Maybe... we should just do this really, *really* fast?" he suggested.
Oooooooooh.
"Good idea, sir."
He was just *full* of good ideas this evening.
"Right. I'm gonna," he jerked his head to the right.
"You're gonna go right again. Okay."
"Unless, of course, you want to go left?" he asked, ever the gentleman.
"No, no, right is fine, sir."
"Great."
There was more leaning. Head tilting and...
Tongues.
Suddenly...
Yup... definitely tongues.
She was so glad she was holding on tight to him. So. Very. Glad. She shuffled closer to him, just in case she, you know, fell, and he pulled on her jacket so their bodies were now flush against each other.
The, um, suction was really quite something.
They pulled back, desperate for air, and panted a little bit.
After a long minute of staring and panting and flushing and lip licking, he asked, "Any fireworks?"
Fireworks?
Was he *kidding*?
Very reluctantly, the Colonel released his grip on her lapels. He smoothed them down gently. "Carter... are you feeling... tense?"
"Truthfully?"
"Yeah."
"I'm feeling... pretty tense."
"Would you say you were feeling... tenser?"
"Truthfully? Yes. Sir," she added, nervously, wondering if she should elaborate. After all, this was clearly some kind of an experiment. Perhaps she should tell him that if he touched any bare skin on her right now... she'd probably pass out. Or jump him. "You?"
"Ooooh, yeah," he sighed.
She dropped her hands from his hips - or, rather, pulled them out from under his jacket where they had mysteriously migrated.
They took a couple of steps back and Sam wondered if it would be a really bad idea to take off her jacket. It was just... she was kinda hot.
He was looking hot too. In both senses.
Probably a good idea to keep the jacket on for the time being.
She stared up at the sky and sucked in a couple of deep breaths.
"Maybe... this wasn't such a good plan," the Colonel admitted, sheepishly.
It was entirely possible that he was right.
"Maybe we should have tried something else to relieve... the tension."
There sure were a lot of stars. It looked a little like the sky at home, except, of course, for the second moon over there and that the stars didn't resemble any pattern that she recognized.
" Maybe.... we should have had sex."
"WHAT!?!"
"Kidding... just kidding."
"Sir?"
"Carter?"
"Let's never speak about this again, okay?"
"Best idea you've ever had."
-end-
Bright Ideas by Jojo
Story Notes: Season: 4, post Entity and BtS, thus spoilers for those episodes
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]