"What happened, Daniel?"
He looked down on the still figure of his friend while he sat down at the edge of the infirmary bed that was occupied by Daniel. Slowly the younger man lifted his head and met Jack's eyes. Silent tears had started to roll down his cheeks and Daniel's voice was shaking as he finally spoke up.
"I don't know, Jack. I simply don't know. It must have been an ambush, maybe they had seen the MALP... The second we left the wormhole they opened fire. Teal'c managed to dial us out, but... Sam told me to make a run for the Gate. I did and when I reached it I tried to cover their withdrawl. The last thing I saw was Sam. She came running in my direction. Jack, she was hit by a staff blast. Before she fell to the ground she tossed me through the Gate. That's the last thing I remember before hitting the ramp... I... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Daniels voice faltered as new tears started to dwell inside of him. When Jack pulled him into an embrace the tears of Daniel melted with Jack's.
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It had been nearly half a year since Daniel and Jack had lost their best friends. They had been declared MIA presumed dead a month after the incident. Jack had handed in his letter of resignation the very minute he had been given this order and had asked for permission to retire off - world. But Hammond had persuaded him to stay. Each MALP they had sent through the Gate to the planet had been destroyed within seconds. The same would have happened to any person. Jack had told himself that he would do more good if he stayed with the SGC.
Hell, he hadn't had the guts to retire when he had had a motivation to. Now he had nothing. The only thing that kept him going, was the thought that the SGC might one day come across Teal'c or Carter. That they would find her and bring her home. Until then there was no reason to retire. But he knew, if she still wanted him, he would lay down command without thinking about it twice. He wouldn't let her go away again. The last months had shown him, how life would be without her and he had the feeling that he couldn't stand it one more minute.
Jack had been ordered to put together a new SG 1. But he had, with the backup of the whole SGC, declared that no team will be given the name SG 1 before he knew where the old SG 1 was. Unfortenatly the President had been put under some pressure lately. But Jack wouldn't step back from this. He would keep the name SG 1 for the only team that was allowed to wear this name.
As he had done several times during this last six month he looked over her stuff. The photo album in his hands shook as silent tears forced their way out. Normally he tried to stay away from his house, where Teal'c's and her stuff were stored but today it had hit him without warning. He hadn't even known that it was this time of the year until he had turned on the radio. The lyrics had caught him off - guard and he had suddenly felt the need to see her, even when it was only a picture of her.
He could still remember the lyrics.
'I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
underneath the mistletoe
I won't even make a list and send it
to the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
holding on to me so tight
What more can I do, baby
All I want for Christmas is you, you'
All he wanted for the rest of his life was Sam, but he wouldn't get what he wanted more than anything else. Maybe this was his punishment for all the bad things he had done in his life, for all the people he had killed? Everyone he loved was taken away from him. He was the only one that somehow seemed to survive everything. Once he had seen that as a gift, but now it seemed more like a curse.
His finger followed the lines of her face on the picture while his body was shaken by several sobs.
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Daniel strawled through the lonely corridors of the SGC. Nearly all personnel was already at home, preparing everything for the oncoming celebrations. Throughout the last years, they had always had a celebration at base, but not this year. The mood at the SGC had changed a lot since this fateful day. He knew about their reputation, that all other teams seemed to think everything was alright as long as SG 1 stepped through the Gate. After all, they had been the only team, that had never lost a member, well, at least kind of this.
A look on his watch told him, that Cassie should have arrived by now and would help Sarah with the preparations. The loss of her godmother had had a devastating effect on the young woman. Daniel had tried to help her through this time and by now Cassie was back to her old self. Of course, all of them had these moments of despair, when they felt like crying but they got lesser the more time passed.
Life went on and they had learned to live with the loss. Daniel on his side had to learn to live with his guilt. He had told himself that he should have stayed on this planet, should have helped them, and should have died with them. Sarah had helped him to bear this guilt and he had accepted it, although he would never forgive himself.
He stopped in front of the door that led to his friend's office. Jack had never recovered from the hole that this loss had left inside of him. Daniel had seen him standing at her grave, had seen him supporting Pete. The picture had burnt itself in Daniel's brain. Although Jack had lost the woman he had loved for a very long time, he had still found the strength to help the man she had chosen. And there was nothing Daniel could have told Jack to ease his pain.
Leaning at the doorframe, Daniel watched his friend. Although he seemed to be working, Daniel could tell, what he was thinking about. He had seen this empty look when he had met Jack, before the first Abydos mission and the return of this Jack scared him more than he would admit. He had seen the things that this Jack had been able to do and he feared that one day Jack would totally lose it.
"Jack?"
The brown, empty eyes looked up from the sheets of paper they had been staring at.
"I just wanted to ask if you..."
"No, Daniel. Thank you."
Daniel sighed. He had known Jack's answer before but had decided to give it one last try. After all, today was December the 24th and no one should be alone today.
"Cassie'll be there. I'm sure she would be happy to see you. You shouldn't stay here, you know?"
"Yeah, I know."
Sadly, Daniel turned around and shook his head. Jack had shut himself inside this mountain for far too long. He seemed to think that Sam and Teal'c would step through the Gate the very minute he left the base. Some Airmen passed Daniel on his way to the elevators and he waited patiently in front of it. Suddenly klaxon started.
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"Unscheduled off - world activation! Unscheduled off - world activation!"
Walter's voice sounded through the corridors of the SGC and Jack was on his way before the Gate stopped spinning. Daniel was there just a second later and they watched as the wormhole was established.
"Walter, are any teams out there?"
"No, Sir."
"Do we get a signal?"
Jack watched the screen anxiously. All 30 teams were home. There was just one team that was still missing. He forced himself to keep his hopes low. To often his hope had been false and afterwards he was even more broken than before.
"No, Sir. Not... Sir, it's SG 1."
He felt like screaming when the screen showed the blinking SG 1 sign. Their GDO code had been deactivated the moment they were declared MIA and suddenly Jack understood why he had to go through all this; why it had been so important to stay in command.
"Walter, open the iris!"
"Sir, the code's not valid."
"Walter, open the damn iris!"
The iris opened noisily and Jack's gaze was fixed on the shimmering blue. It felt like an eternity until two persons stepped through the event horizon.
"Keep the iris open!"
Although she looked different, her voice was still the same. Jack nodded towards Davis to do as he had been told and ran downstairs, followed by Daniel. When he entered the Gateroom two more persons had stepped through the Gate and the wormhole disengaged. It took him just a second to find her. Both of his friends were a lot thinner than they had been, their hair was longer and their fatigues were now only black rags caked with mud and blood. Several wounds covered both of their bodies. The other two persons seemed to be in a far better condition.
His heart skipped a few beats and he hurried up towards her. A voice in his head screamed the whole time. She was here! She was safe! She was... Before he had walked up the whole ramp she collapsed into Teal'c's arms. Jack ran the last few steps and kneeled beside her. Her face lit up as she saw him and her voice was weak.
"It's done, Sir. The system lords are destroyed."
Then she lost consciousness.
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Teal'c had only some broken ribs and he answered Daniel Jackson's questions patiently. He tried to focus on the answers, although his thoughts were occupied with Colonel Carter, who had gone into surgery a few hours ago.
He told Daniel about the two Tok'ra operatives who had helped them out of Morrigan's prison. She had revived them in her sarcophagus and tortured them for information about Earth and its defences. They were extremly lucky that the Tok'ra had been undercover agents on Morrigan's mothership. The Tok'ra had worked out a plan to destroy all system lords and everything had gone smoothly, ending with the total destruction of all system lord's ships. The few minor Goa'uld that were left would be thrown into chaos and destruction and civil war. After all these years, the war against the false God's was finally over.
It took some time to get his wounds cleaned and bandaged and finally a Doctor allowed Teal'c to leave the infirmary. As Daniel Jackson and he left, they ran into O'Neill who was pacing the corridors of the complex nervously.
"Any news?"
O'Neill shook his head. Colonel Carter had been buried under a collapsed wall, as the mothership exploded. Teal'c had thought that her injuries were only minor cuts but obviously he had been wrong. She seemed to have internal bleedings and seemed to have lost a lot of blood. His friend finally sat down on the floor of the corridor and Daniel Jackson as well as Teal'c sat down beside him. He could see how O'Neill was fighting with himself.
"She missed you, O'Neill."
Teal'c knew about the feeling that the two of them felt for each other and he hoped that this would at least ease the pain his friend felt a bit.
"Thanks, Teal'c. But I'm not sure..."
"No, O'Neill. It was not Pete Shannahan she missed."
After Morrigan had stopped her interrogations, she had started to torture them just for the joy of it. Nearly every night, Colonel Carter had been awoken by nightmares. Although she had never told him, what the nightmares were about she screamed O'Neill's name every time she awoke. She had cried for hours after it and had gripped Teal'c in despair.
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Jack opened his eyes slowly. Something had awoken him but he wasn't sure what. His gaze wondered and suddenly he remembered everything. Sam was back. He had fallen asleep on the chair next to her. His hand was still holding fast to her.
She was still lying there as pale as if she was dead. Sometime during the night someone must have pulled the curtain around the bed. Silently Jack stretched his legs and arms and sat down at the edge of her bed. Suddenly he knew what had awoken him. It had happened again. She had squeezed his hand.
He moved over to her face. His hand stroke some locks away and he cupped her cheek gently.
"Sam, can you hear me? Sam?"
She moaned slightly and her closed lids fluttered.
"Doc?"
Jack called for the Doctor but his eyes never left her face. Doctor Palmer arrived and pulled the curtain to the side.
"What is it, General?"
"Jack?"
Her voice was dry like the rustle of old leaves in autumn. Jack turned his attention completely towards Sam.
"I'm here, Sam. You made it."
Although the Doctor tried to send him away, Jack stayed at her bed the whole time, holding close to her hand. After what seemed like an eternity, Doctor Palmer had finished his examination.
"She'll make it, Sir. She's still weak but in a few weeks she should be fine."
He closed his eyes for one moment and thanked whoever had listened to his prayers. Jack nodded and his look returned to Sam. He didn't even notice the Doc leave or Daniel entering behind him, talking silently with a nurse. All he could see was Sam, all he could hear was the sweet sound of her breathing. She hadn't opened her eyes yet and Jack caressed her cheek carefully. He wouldn't be sure that everything was alright until he could see her eyes. If only for one second.
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Her head was thumbing and everything seemed to ache. She stiffened for a moment until the recent events entered her brain. She was home. She was safe. He was here. She felt a weight on her hand and her eyes opened slowly. For one moment she was blinded by the light but soon her vision became clearer. He had fallen asleep, his hand clutched to her's as if she was a buoy. She tried to free her hand from his steady grip. Finally she was able to do so without waking him up and ran her hand through his hair.
She had to feel him to be sure that this was not again one of these dreams. One of the visions that had haunted her on Morrigan's ship. It had always been the same. Every night she had awoke to the picture of his dead face. Sometimes, he had been killed by some Goa'uld but most of the time it was her hand, which held the gun.
"Hey there!"
His brown eyes were now fixed on her blue ones and he pulled himself up to her. He was now smiling down on her and his hand cupped her cheek softly. Carefully she leaned in to his hand and closed her eyes just for the feeling of his touch. Something wet fell on her face and she opened her eyes. She had never seen him crying before. Not even when Daniel had died.
"I thought I had lost you. Don't ever do that to me again."
Her arm ached as she lifted it. She placed her hand on his neck and pulled him down to her. Both of his arms embraced her and she could feel his breath on her neck as she moved her mouth to his ear.
"I'm here, Jack. And I won't leave again."
He pulled her closer and now she was finally sure that this was not one of these dreams. This was reality in its most wonderful form. He stayed at her side until she fell asleep, holding fast to his hand as if he was her life jacket on the open sea.
A nightmare awoke her and she was covered with wet sweat. She shivered still and scanned the room frantically. She was utterly and totally alone. For a moment, she feared that she was still on the ship. A cold hand reached for her heart and horror started dwelling up inside her. Her return home couldn't have been a dream. She was sure that he had been there. Her heart started to beat faster and faster and her lungs seemed to be collapsing. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force enough oxygen into them.
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He took one last breath before he stepped through the Gate. His daughter was back. Finally, she was back. At least, that was what the returning Tok'ra had told him. The minute he went through the Gate his eyes fell on Jack O'Neill. A smile was spread on his face and Jacob feared, that his knees would give way to the relieve that flooded through him.
The last time he had seen Jack, the younger man had only been a shadow of his old self, but today he was back to the man Jacob had first met. And he had no doubt what had caused this change.
"Jacob!"
Jacob walked down the ramp and hugged Jack quickly. Sam's loss had brought the two men nearer than Jacob could ever have imagined. After Sam's memorial service they had spent more hours in some shabby bars, getting themselves drunk than Jacob had ever thought possible. Both men had already lost a loved person and the other's company had helped them through the new loss.
"How's she, Jack?"
"The Doc says, she's goin' to be fine. Don't worry."
His voice was overjoyed as he slapped Jacobs shoulder in confirmation. Suddenly a loud voice pierced the silence.
"Sir, there had been some trouble in the infirmary. Something about Colonel Carter."
Jack was on his way the very second he had heard the words 'trouble' and 'infirmary' and Jacob followed on his heels. Clearly Jack had no idea what was going on and the expression on the formerly relaxed face gave Jacob the creeps. Jack had said, that she was fine, hadn't he? Since when were the corridors of the SGC that long? When they reached the infirmary he saw his little girl immediately. She was awake but awfully pale. A doctor was standing at her bed and Jack was at her side in no time.
"What happened?"
"She had a panic attack, Sir. We had to sedate her. She asked for you."
His daughter didn't even seem to have noticed him. Her eyes were fixed on Jack, who sat down at the edge of her bed. Jack's hand cupped her face and she smiled slightly.
"Hey, Sam. I'm here. Everything's ok."
She nodded slightly and passed out, a smile still covering her face and her hand buried in Jack's shirt.
"Ah, Jacob. Seems I can't get away from here. Could you find Walter Davis for me?"
Although Jacob knew about the feelings Jack had for his daughter, it was totally different to see him like that. After the initial shock and Selmak's silent 'I told you so', he finally pulled himself together and went looking after Walter Davis.
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Cassie paced the vicinity of Daniel's house nervously. Sarah told her at least once a minute, that she should sit down, but Cassie was far too nervous. Daniel had called him to tell her, that Sam and Teal'c were back. She was at the door, as soon as she heart the key turn in the lock.
"How are they?"
"They're fine, Cassie. Sam's still very tired, but she's fine."
Tears started to roll down her cheeks. She had been anxiously awaiting to hear news about her and now she felt a gigantic weight being lifted from her shoulders.
"Jack has persuaded the Doc to allow visitors. We'll have a little party at the infirmary. Here..."
Daniel held a small Christmas tree in his hands and smiled over all of his face. Sarah and Cassie were in the car in no time and Daniel drove over to the SGC. They were all singing along with the Christmas songs on the radio. Still, Cassie couldn't believe it. Sarah hugged her regularly, while tears of joy were still running over her cheeks.
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The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was Jack's smiling face and she relaxed immediately. Nightmares had haunted her again, but she calmed down the minute she saw his eyes. Everything was alright. He cupped her cheek gently as he locked eyes with her.
"Hey, look who came to see you?"
"Hey, kiddo!"
Her father's face appeared behind Jack and he was grinning insanely.
"Dad!"
Jack stepped to the side, letting her hand go, so that she could embrace her father properly. She was still lying flat on her back and she felt utterly helpless as she tried to sit up, after her father let go of her. His place was immediately taken by Jack, who helped her to sit up. As she scanned the room from her now sitting position there was another surprise waiting for her.
The boys had brought a small Christmas tree to the infirmary. She hadn't even noticed that it was already Christmas. At the side of the tree stood Daniel, Sarah, Teal'c and Cassie and she was soon hugged by everyone.
After the whole excitement had died down Sam and Teal'c were brought up to date about the things they had missed in the last six months. They had missed Daniel's wedding to Sarah and Cassie starting with Archaeology at college. They had missed Teal'c's first grandson being born the same day that Bra'tac had died. Jack had already sent message to Rya'c that Teal'c had returned but he had not answered yet.
It was a great day and Sam felt finally home and welcome. She was even able to leave the horror of her imprisonment behind for a while. After nearly an hour surrounded by her family she felt the excitement taking its toil on her. She was tired and she had to end the day sooner than expected. Doctor Palmer ushered the guys out of the infirmary, telling them she needed to rest. And she really did.
Her father placed a light kiss on her head before he left and promised to visit her tomorrow. Everyone was now gone and only Jack sat at her side, looking at her with an absent expression.
"Sam, you need your beauty sleep. I should go."
"No, Jack. Stay."
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Her voice was urgent and stopped him dead in track. Her hand held him firm in place and he surrendered, sitting down on the chair beside her once again. He looked in her eyes that now showed naked horror at the thought of being alone. A lock of her now long hair had fallen into her face and he played with it softly as he watched her calm down.
"Listen, Sam. I'll never leave you again. I've just handed in my resignation."
This was what he had promised himself all the time while she was gone. And after this first two days with her, he was sure that she would need him. There was no need for him to stay at the SGC. The Goa'uld threat was gone, the replicators had been bombed out and he had no doubt, that Thor would contact him, should the world be in immediate danger. But at the moment, he didn't give a rat's ass for the world. The only thing that mattered was right here, watching him anxiously.
"The SGC needs you."
"No, Sam, you need me."
She smiled at him with this wonderful smile that he hadn't seen in such a long time. The smile that was able to lit up his whole day. Suddenly she patted the place next to her and pulled him up until he laid next to her. She snuggled up to him and her head rested on his chest.
"Jack?"
"Mmm?"
He looked down and found her blue eyes, looking up to him.
"I don't want to go through the Stargate again."
She smiled at him and he felt a warmth building up in his stomach that he had never thought he would feel again. He planted a kiss on her temple and hugged her closer.
"You don't have to."
Her face reached up to him and he could feel her warmth as their lips touched. She was really back. And she would be there for the rest of his life if he had something to say in this. He could feel her smile into the kiss as he pulled her closer. When they finally parted they spooned together on the bed, clinging to each other as if they were the only persons left on Earth.
"Merry Christmas, Sam."
She was already fast asleep and he enjoyed the feeling of it. He already loved his new life and couldn't wait for the things that were still waiting for them.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]