Opposing Forces
* * * *
There are things he doesn't tell her. Some of those things are withheld out of consideration for her feelings. But this isn't one of them.
Jack shuffles some papers from one hand to another and leans back against a table in her lab. "Daniel seemed to believe that it was very important that you fill me in on that lost city ASAP. Why didn't you, Major?" His voice is cool, with just the right amount of sharpness. He knows how to speak for the greatest desired effect. He's had lots of practice, after all.
Sam's voice is precise and measured, her face calm. A casual observer might think they're having a civil debate. "With all due respect, Colonel, there wasn't time before Anubis' Jaffa arrived. And I doubt you wanted them to overhear me telling you about it."
"There is such a thing as whispering, Major." Not that either of them really share Daniel's opinion of the hidden tablet's urgency. It's just a convenient excuse for him to criticize.
"Yes, sir," she replies crisply, raising her eyebrows. "I'll keep that in mind."
She doesn't apologize, and he's not fool enough to force it. He knows quite well why she's still so upset. And that helps the situation along, just as he wants it.
He's not sure when hurting her became so necessary. Perhaps after their memories returned after being brainwashed workers? The memory of her closing away from him once again, the verbal reminder of "Sir" rebuilding walls between them -- that might have been the beginning.
It hurt. And he felt like sharing. He was good at that.
"Was there anything else, Major?" he asks in the same quiet, cutting tone as before. When she shakes her head in barely perceptible irritation, he raises a hand up to forestall her. "Permission to speak freely, of course."
"Of course." Her mouth twists bitterly. If he were anyone else, she'd be yelling by now, or letting loose with a scornful comment. Not that he has any doubts as to what she's feeling, but it's a matter of pride that she stays calm. "Sir, I did not have time to relay Daniel's findings to you while we were on Abydos. From what I understand, however, you've known about Daniel for some time, and didn't see fit to share that information with me."
"Given the circumstances under which I saw him, Major, I saw no reason that anyone would believe me."
Her eyes flash with frustration at his comment, before she schools her expression to neutrality once more. "Perhaps, sir. But given my experience with Orlin, I think it's likely that I would have believed you."
*Orlin.* That's right, she saw him ascend. It's why she suspected Daniel hadn't truly died, but she'd needed the confirmation. Confirmation he hadn't volunteered. It had been easier and more satisfying to turn away from her all-consuming pain, leaving her in doubt.
"When an ascended being appeared to me, I told you, Colonel, and you thought I was crazy. But when one appeared to you, you told no one. Daniel came to you. You knew I thought he might be dead. And you didn't tell me anything, sir."
"Teal'c told you he believed Daniel had gone all glowy, Major," he retorts ruthlessly. "Or does his word no longer have any meaning for you?"
Her skin pales just a little bit more, and the faint signs of anger give him far more satisfaction than anyone else's screaming fit. "It was his belief, sir, not certainty. There was room for doubt, and until both you and Teal'c told Hammond that he'd appeared to you, I still wasn't sure."
"Well, you're sure now. Is that all, Major?"
"Yes, sir." Her face settles into a resolute bland expression. It doesn't fool him -- he's served with her for almost seven years, and if he rarely discusses emotions with her, it doesn't mean he can't know what she feels. He's long familiar with her habit of pushing back her rage under a mask of serenity. It's her favorite game.
She's in pain because of his actions.
He's glad.
This is another thing he doesn't tell her. But he suspects she knows anyway, and understands why.
"Fine. I'll expect your report on my desk by tomorrow morning." He turns and leaves, not waiting for her response, well aware that it's already 1800 hours and that she'll have to work even later than usual.
Sometimes he wishes he could stop the casual cruelties. But it's the only strong emotion he's allowed to express toward her, and it's become addictive. Unkindness is better than indifference. On his part, at any rate. Carter, on the other hand?
He's no scientist, but he does know a few things about physics. Such as the greater the force, the greater the action must be taken to oppose it. As careful as she is to tone down her emotions to mere facial twitches around him at times, she must still feel *something*.
* * * *
Sometimes he fantasizes about her unclothed form, the memory of smooth skin barely hidden by the blanket when he found her in Hathor's fortress. Or he remembers how passionately she returned his kiss during the time loops.
This isn't one of those times.
Late that evening, lying in his darkened bedroom, he brings forth the image of her eyes. Even when the rest of her looks like a perfect Air Force officer, her eyes can show her true feelings, if one is lucky enough to get a quick glimpse.
Such as when Daniel greeted her quickly, almost as curt as Jack in one of his moods. Or when he'd rebuffed her after Daniel's ascension. Or even how he'd greeted her after being stranded with Maybourne, gruffly asking her what in hell had taken her so long?
Her eyes had held pain, pure and clear in its intensity. And he relishes the memories, the reassurance that her feelings still exist, even if now they'll never be untangled from the calculated hurt he inflicts.
Love and hate. Pain and pleasure. He doesn't even need to reach down to touch himself. He just thinks of the exquisite torture they play upon each other, and gasps with delirious satisfaction.
*Sam, oh Sam...*
fin.
Story Notes: Season/Sequel Info: 6th season, takes place soon after Full Circle
Spoilers: Full Circle, very minor spoilers for Out of Mind, Window of Opportunity, Beneath the Surface, Asension, Abyss, Paradise Lost.
This sat unfinished on my hard drive for far too long. Thanks to Sel and Nanda for the initial beta, any further butchering of the story is my responsibility and/or fault. I almost have to think of this as an AU Jack, because he's quite a bastard. You've been warned.
Copyright A. Cheek, August 2003.
Email: acheek@insightbb.com
Spoilers: Full Circle, very minor spoilers for Out of Mind, Window of Opportunity, Beneath the Surface, Asension, Abyss, Paradise Lost.
This sat unfinished on my hard drive for far too long. Thanks to Sel and Nanda for the initial beta, any further butchering of the story is my responsibility and/or fault. I almost have to think of this as an AU Jack, because he's quite a bastard. You've been warned.
Copyright A. Cheek, August 2003.
Email: acheek@insightbb.com
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]