"Jack. I love you."
//Oh brother, here she goes again.// Jack thought as Sam flung her arms around his neck. He smiled stiffly and glared at Daniel as he giggled.
"No I mean it, Jack." Sam said staggering and leaning against Jack as they pulled her back to camp. "I really, really, wove you {giggle}....like...{hiccup}....more than...{hiccup}...I don't know. A dog...{hiccup}...yeah...{hiccup} {giggle}...your all hairy, put all mushy inside." Jack rolled his eyes as she began to giggle and claw at his shirt.
//Geez, how much of this stuff did she drink?// Jack wondered as they let go of her and she crumbled to the floor in fits out laughter. //She looks almost cute.// He reached down and threw her over his shoulder.
"Danny...{hiccup}...I'm going to bed....{hiccup} {giggle}...why don't you join me and Jack? Make it a threesome?" Daniel went bright red and chanced a glance at Jack, who was trying to keep the drunken Sam on his shoulder."Better not....{hiccup} {hiccup} Jack....might {hiccup} get jealous."
"Sam, you're gross." Daniel protested as he held the flashlight for Jack to see down the track.
They had arrived on this planet 2 days ago, and had spent the time searching for some form of civilization. They had only found a small river, which Daniel now suspected contained some form of vodka. Unfortunately, Sam had unknowingly drunken from the stream and was now totally off her face. She had told them that she was going for a walk and when Jack had heard a scream he went running.
None of them had expected to see Sam sitting in the middle of the river singing to herself and drinking the water. Since pulling her out, she had declared her love for everyone from General Hammond to some guy she had met in the grocery store. But for the last 10 minutes she had focused on Jack, giggling like a teenager and telling him all her secrets.
"Jack, Jack! I can't see!" she screamed, wriggling on his shoulder.
"Open your eyes." Jack said angrily. Daniel smirked as Sam took her hand of her eyes and smiled.
"Hey, cute ass." she said slapping it energetically. Jack jumped half a mile and almost dropped her.
Daniel glanced over to Teal'c to find the man smiling as Jack tried to ignore the drunken female touching his body. Daniel had to agree, Sam made a very amusing drunk. She was now currently singing the macarena and trying to do the dance, while slung over Jack's shoulder.
"Sam!" Jack warned as she trailed her hands down his back and starting pinching his backside.
"What?" She asked after hiccupping. "You have a nice....{hiccup} ass. I've always wanted to do this." In one swift motion she slapped him again. Daniel saw Jack gritting his teeth together, and trying to ignore her.
"Jack has a nice ass...do da do da {hiccup}. Jack has a nice ass..oh da do da day!" Sam sung at the top of her lungs. Daniel clamped a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the noise. Sam simply grinned and began to lick his hand, causing him to leap back immediately.
"Sam, that's disgusting!" he cried wiping her spit away. "Jack, can't we just dump her here?" he asked, noticing that camp was still 5 minutes away.
Jack groaned. "As appealing as that idea sounds, we have to get her into bed, so she can sleep this off." He sighed and motioned to her feet with his head. "She is gonna have one hell of a hang over tomorrow."
"Can I get into bed with you, Colonel?" Sam asked as she intently watched his butt move. Daniel rolled his eyes and heard Jack mutter something under his breath.
Suddenly Sam cried out, screaming. "My leg, my leg!" Jack stopped quickly and laid her down on the dirt road. She grabbed her upper thigh in what looked like pain and continued to cry out. Jack looked at Daniel, who held his hands up and shrugged. "Here! here!" she cried motioning to her right thigh.
"Sam? What's wrong?" Jack asked, concerned. She placed his hand on her thigh and screamed out in pain. Jack looked confused and shook his head, not understanding what was wrong with her.
"Jack, maybe you should check it out." Daniel said concerned. Sam rarely ever screamed with so much pain in her voice. He could even see tears in her eyes. Jack just look confused but Sam was already tugging her pants off. Daniel looked away as she threw her pants to the side and continued motioning to her thigh. Daniel turned around and saw that Jack was uncomfortably examining her leg, searching for cuts or bruises of some sort. Sam had gone silent and was watching Jack with interest.
"Sam, I don't see anything, did you pull a muscle or get bitten when you when you were in the water?" Sam shook her head dumbly and Daniel looked at Sam suspiciously. "Sam, I can't find anything wrong." Jack said still searching her skin. Sam peered from under her fringe, a smile upon her lips and her voice husky.
"I know." She whispered. Suddenly Jack froze and removed his hands, Daniel grinned, realizing his friend had been pretending in order to get Jack to touch her.
"Captain, I....." The rest was muffled as Sam launched herself onto him and kissed him passionately.
"Daniel....Teal'c...help.." Jack cried out as he gasped and tried to roll out from under his intent captain. Sam grinned and straddled his thighs before looking up and smiling at Daniel
"No, Jack I think your handling it just fine." Daniel teased as Sam began to kiss her way down his neck. He turned to hide his snickering and look at Teal'c.
"Guys, please, something's...wrong...with her," Jack begged, then yelped as Sam bit him on the collar bone. Daniel shrugged at Teal'c and bent over to try and pull Sam off. She batted his hand away and wrapped her arms around Jack's neck.
"Colonel, you one damn good looking man" She slurred and swooped up Jack's lips in a frenzy. Jack struggled, managing to flip her over, but Sam only giggled and ground her hips against him. "I always preferred the guy on top," she slurred huskily, reaching up to kiss him again. Daniel saw Jack hesitate, but suddenly she fell back and was fast asleep. Jack scooted away quickly as Teal'c grasped her ankles and slid her off. Daniel just shook his head and picked up her wrists as they carried her back to the camp.
Sam swayed along, hiccupping in her sleep, while Jack brushed himself off and picked up her discarded pants. He carefully avoided Teal'c and Daniel's sniggering looks. "Not one word, Daniel, not one word," he growled. Daniel just shook his head and smiled innocently. Sam was going to die of embarrassment tomorrow. He grinned and by the time they made it back to camp, she was dead to the world. Jack zipped her sleeping bag up to her chin and zipped her in the tent, just to be safe.
Daniel laughed silently as Jack tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep. Daniel sighed and rolled over. Maybe they should of slipped Jack some of the water too. Daniel chuckled and told himself to quit plotting against his friends before he rolled over and went to sleep.
~*~*~
"Morning Camper!" Jack shouted as Sam's eyelids fluttered open. Daniel sighed.
"Jack, you're cruel," he commented as she shrunk back from the now exposed sunlight. Sam let out a large groan and Jack unzipped her from her cocoon. He waved some coffee under her nose and within seconds she was out of the bag and running to the forest to empty her stomach.
Jack laughed and sat down. It was half an hour before a very pale Captain came swaying out of the trees, nursing her pounding head. She sat down and quietly asked, "What happened to me?"
"What's that?" Jack shouted, causing her to shrink back. For the first time she noticed that her legs where bare and she quickly grasped her sleeping bag around her. Jack grinned and slapped her on the back. "You weren't so modest last night Captain."
Sam looked at him, confusion written all over her face. "What happened, what did I do?" She hugged her sleeping bag tighter, her cheeks flushed bright red. "And where are my pants?" Jack threw them at her and she caught them, looking at them with fear on her face. Daniel felt sorry for his friend.
"Don't you remember anything last night Sam?" he asked gently, giving Jack an expression that clearly said,'leave her alone'.
Sam shook her head slowly. "No I remember sipping the water that tasted funny and then I remember waking up this morning." She deftly slipped her pants on and hugged her knee's, burying her head in them. A muffled moan came out from them, "Do we have any aspirin?"
Jack grinned and handed her the first aid kit. "Well with the amount you drank last night, your going to need a whole box." Sam quickly downed a few, and was quiet for a moment before sheepishly turning to Daniel.
"I didn't....you know...say anything bad....did I?" She asked warily. Daniel shot a look at Jack and smiled, patting her shoulder reassuringly.
"No, it's ok. You just got tipsy and collapsed," he lied smoothly. Sam nodded, unsure due to the snickering Colonel, and sighed.
"Well I'm really, really sorry. I hope I didn't do anything too bad." She apologized and took the proffered coffee from Jack.
Jack grinned knowingly. "'Course not Captain. We forgive you. After all, I like being a dog," he said, eliciting a grin even from Teal'c. Daniel shot him a glare and rubbed Sam's back as she tried to stomach the coffee.
Sam looked at the Colonel confused but before she could say anything more, she ran back to the forest to empty the rest of the night away.
"Should we tell her?" Jack asked.
"No," Daniel said, and gave him a sharp look before shrugging. "Oh, maybe when she's like....50." He grinned and looked at Jack as she began stumbling back. "Don't give her a hard time," he warned, "it could of been you!" Jack shrugged innocently and went about packing up the tents. Maybe they would tell her later. Or maybe they could wait until she remembered.
~Nikki.
Hope you liked it!
//Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.//
Story Notes: E-mail: scc@iform.com.au
Category: Lame attempt at humor; response to the'P3X595' challenge, which refers to Jack commenting in 'Emancipation,' "Sure you have...how about that time on P3X595 when you drank that stuff that made you take off...." and you have to write what happened!
Season: 1 (as Sam is still a captain)
Spoilers: Hmm, none really.
Archive: SJA and Heliopolis, yes, any one else yes, just let me know first.
Feedback: As we've said time and time again, we *will* kill you if you don't send feedback. OR We'll just make sure that Stargate never shows on TV screens again and you'll have to come to ME and beg to watch them! *whawaaaa* J/k, breathe people!
Category: Lame attempt at humor; response to the'P3X595' challenge, which refers to Jack commenting in 'Emancipation,' "Sure you have...how about that time on P3X595 when you drank that stuff that made you take off...." and you have to write what happened!
Season: 1 (as Sam is still a captain)
Spoilers: Hmm, none really.
Archive: SJA and Heliopolis, yes, any one else yes, just let me know first.
Feedback: As we've said time and time again, we *will* kill you if you don't send feedback. OR We'll just make sure that Stargate never shows on TV screens again and you'll have to come to ME and beg to watch them! *whawaaaa* J/k, breathe people!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]