I love my job.
No, I mean it, I really, really do love my job.
It's just some parts...some parts I really, really hate. This week for instance. This week I hate planet PL6 717. I hate it. I really, really...oh...you get the damn picture.
I also hate it when I catch me talking to myself...Which is something I imagine Daniel must do all the time...
Anyway. PL6 717. Awful place. We stepped out of the gate about...um...lessee...7 hours ago. And since then, everything's gone wrong, and not one little thing has gone right. Mind you, we're all still alive, still together, and Danny hasn't touched anything he's not supposed to yet, so it's not been the worst time I've ever had. I guess most of all, it's been extremely boring, and very, very annoying and irritating. Okay, okay I may be exaggerating just a teeny tiny bit, I mean, there's no Gou'alds, no natives wanting to enslave us or eat us, but if you were here, you would feel just the damn same.
I hate moss. The damn stuff is tickling my nose. It's horrible moss. Green and wet like most moss you would find in a forest, but this stuff smells, and it smells...funny. And yeah, you heard me right...a forest. A forest. Trees. Trees everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I'm an outdoors-kinda guy, but it does get a bit much. I'm beginning to think the ol' snakeheads didn't have much in the way of imagination if all they could think to bring to these planets was trees. And hey, if they took most people from around Egypt...then where did they get the trees?...I must ask Sam about that one. Nah. Maybe not, she'll give me one of those "you're not really asking me to explain that to you are you sir?...really?" kinda looks. Huh. I suppose they must have had trees around down there somewhere...it couldn't all be sand could it? Maybe I'll have a quiet word with Danny and not Sam...
Sam...
I crane my neck up from where I'm lying face down on the gentle mossy slope and peer at my fellow campers. They don't look happy. That would be due to that swampy bit of ground that snuck up on us about an hour ago. There we were, happily tramping back through this boring forest back to the stargate, when all of a sudden my three team mates disappeared up to their thighs in horrible, stinky green goo. A sudden moment of panic gripped me then, as my mind went "Here we go, this is it! This is where the shit comes down!" But no. Nothing. They didn't even start to sink or anything. They crawled out in mild surprise, but that brief instant of euphoria disappeared when we realised that that goo was clinging with a desperation to their fatigues, and boy did it smell. It really honks. Worse than this moss. So much so that even Teal'c nearly lost his lunch, li'l junior too.
I laughed.
Oh, I really laughed.
Danny just looked at me in disgust, Teal'c with disguised venom...or is that always how he looks anyway? Sam...Sam just glared at me with what I could only term as hatred. I apologised profusely of course, and she shook her head in fond acceptance of the way I am. I was glad. I had been worried
you see...about the other night. The other night when I had stupidly almost made a move on her in an alcohol drenched stupor. When we were finally due back on base today, I kept away as long as I could, driving around ring roads until I could delay the inevitable no longer. What the hell was I gonna say to her? I was still thinking, my head bowed when I entered the locker room, only to look up into her face when a soft word shocked me out of my revere.
"Sir?"
"Huh?...oh hi Sam..."
I was at a loss, I had no idea what she thought of the other night, or whether she had actually remembered any of it...so I just stood there...gaping. Suddenly, all that tension that I must have been imagining just dissolved when she delivered the most beautific smile I had ever seen, shook her head, and with a pat on my shoulder left me to my locker with a quiet "See you in the embarkation room sir...if you're coming on this mission that is..."
I must have looked at the open doorway for about two minutes before I roused myself to get my kit. I was glad. So very glad. And since we left the SGC she's given no indication of what happened, or that she hates me for doing it...or not doing it. Yeah yeah O'Neill. You're such a catch. Well, at least everything's okay. Danny's had a couple of moans about himself, and each time I have watched Sam's face as the other night comes up in conversation, but she just smiles, and berates Danny for still feeling rough two days later. Then he complains about his hair still smelling like popcorn...and the conversation goes on like that. For hours. Seven hours. Sigh.
I really should get up.
I mean for crying out loud I'm lying face down on some moss, and it smells really bad. Why am I lying here? Well...it's a bit of a sad story I'm afraid. Sad as in pathetic that is. Not five minutes after I about bust a rib laughing at those guys, I stalk off, head in the air, feeling so good about missing out on all the horrors of interstellar adventuring for once, when I trip.
I trip.
A colonel in the USAF and I trip on a Goddamn branch and land flat on my face for crying out loud!
Then there was a pause. That pause that always happens when people are not quite sure whether to laugh or not. I didn't want them to laugh. I didn't want to have to wallow any further in self-humiliation this lifetime...so what did I do? I didn't get up is what I did. That was ten minutes ago. And I'm still lying here.
You see, I figure, right, that it'd only become really funny if I got up, then it would look like I tripped. I mean...we all know that I tripped, but if I just keep on lying here, then it looks more like I meant it, and then I win for staying here...and they can't laugh at me for falling. Of course, this results in a terrible stalemate situation...If I stay here, I win, the minute I get up, I lose. So...sooner or later something will have to give. I reckon the longer I lie here in this prone and vulnerable position, the greater the chance of Apophis appearing behind me, then I'd have a fairly good excuse to get up. Of course, I could just wait on Danny stomping over and hauling me up, which just might happen the way he's fidgeting over there...
This is sad. I'm a big bloody kid. And I don't care. Why be a Colonel if you can't act immature every once in a while? Mind you, I'm pretty sure Sam would say I do it all the time, especially to get my way at cards...
When I fell, and just lay there, she came around in front of me and crouched down, concern etched on her face. Obviously she thought that this planet had finally revealed whatever terrible secret it had been concealing and struck me down with some terrible, balance eroding disease. Afraid not Captain...
"Colonel?"
"I'm fine Captain...just fine. And look...I found you all a little river so you can all get cleaned off, now isn't that clever of me?"
She just shook her head at me, and walked off. She's been doing that a lot lately, and I take it to mean that she thinks I'm dumb. Which I am. I dunno though, there's often that little twinkle in her eye...that twinkle that I foolishly assumed was desire the other night. And boy was I wrong.
Teal'c, Danny and Sam are now stripping down to their boxers, in order to try and clean off some of the goo in the stream that winds it's picturesque way through this lovely little sample of forest life. Although we're fairly near the Stargate, a clean up before we go through is in order. We often feel sorry for the cleanup crew. They're the guys nobody ever sees, they're the ones who clean the blood, goo, and more often than not, muddy footprints off the gate ramp back at the SGC. And boy does SG1 ever get some dirty looks from those guys. I think we're their least favourite team, which is hardly surprising considering the crap we drag back. So, to be nice, we decided to try and get rid of as much of the goo as possible to give the boys back home an early night. I mean, you never know when a senator or other high up pen-pusher might pop round for a gawk. And then those boys gotta pull triple shifts.Gotta have that gate sparkling!
I find myself dragged once more from my musing, as Sam walks past in her boxers, trousers in hand as she makes her way to the stream. I don't think I've ever had a really good look at her legs before. Maybe it's just because the rest of her is still kitted out in fatigues down to her wrists and up to her neck that makes her legs stand out. Maybe it's their pale, perfect white colour, and the way her calf muscles stand out slightly as she walks that make me look. Maybe it's her delicate ankles that are revealed as she moves in just her socks, or maybe it's the graceful curve in at the knee at the top of her calf that makes me remember what it felt like under the clumsy touch of my bare feet...
Bad Jack...Bad!
I really, really shouldn't be looking at her legs like this. I mean for God's sake she's my Captain! Okay. Okay. That's it. I'm gonna spend just as much time looking at the others legs to make up for it. Danny walks past. I look at his legs. They're...they're...well...um...oh for God's sake they're just legs for crying out loud! I mean, they are just, ordinary, hairy guy legs! Oh and there goes Teal'c! and surprise surprise, his are just legs too, albeit a little more muscular and a different shade but they are still just legs!!!
I always marvelled at that. That sometimes indefinable difference between the sexes. The way that looking at a guy's legs might, at a push make me think that hey, he works out, but when I see Sam's...I mean a woman's legs, then a thousand little neurones start lighting and firing in my brain, and sending little messages down my spine to other areas...Oh boy. And I wasn't even looking. I think it's time to eat moss again...
* * *
Oh downtime. Thank God.
I like downtime.
I don't like extended downtime. Not when Hammond forces us to get the hell out of the SGC for whatever reason...but just going home at night and taking in a movie with my buddies? That I like. And that's where we are. Well...that's where we were. We're in the car park now, after just having seen a rerun of the first Austin Powers movie. We thought it best to show Teal'c the original first, we plan to see the second next week. I sneak a peak at him, and he has that look in his eye...And we all know that look, and so find something incredibly amazing and fascinating in the tire marks in the carpark...the weather...our ticket stubs....anything. And then he stops...and just stands there.
"O'Neill...I do not see the relevance in the so called "jokes" surrounding the item known as the penis enlarger."
Daniel starts to giggle. At first I think the noise is coming from Sam due to the pitch, but she is doubled over with her fingers in her mouth. Silent. Her face is bright red, and I'm sure she'll have teeth marks on her hand for hours. Danny on the other hand, is openly almost wetting himself, tears streaming down his face, a strange, strangled laughter is emanating from his mouth. Teal'c stands impassive. One eyebrow raised as he surveys his afflicted friends. No doubt he's wondering if we didn't pick up some horrid virus or symbiote from good ol' PL6717. I just stand there, rolling my tongue around in my mouth, as Danny struggles to say something through the tears.
"Huh...hehe...c'mon Teal'c...c'mon it's time to go...Sam? You want a lift? We're going back to the SGC but I could go by your place"
"It's okay Danny boy, it's out of your way. I'll give her a lift. Okay Sam?"
"Sure...well...I hope you have a nice time explaining the film to Teal'c Danny!"
"Oh...oh I'm sure I will...c'mon Teal'c...I'll explain all about it..."
We wave at them as they head off to the car, and smile as Teal'c has to bodily direct Daniel towards his own vehicle. I like it when Teal'c stays with Danny. It makes me feel safe somehow, knowing that Teal'c can protect him for a while. I really don't know what I'd do without Teal'c. Guy's a marvel. It was him who finally settled the stalemate today. Clothes all washed we were ready to head back towards the gate and home. One small problem, I was still lying face down, and I wasn't planning on losing...I mean...getting up. Sam just started walking, Danny with her. They had obviously grown tired of my behaviour, and I was almost tempted to give in, when Teal'c scooped me up in his arms, and carried me all the way to the gate. Fortunately, he put me back on my feet before we went through, otherwise we would have had Janet and Hammond's blood pressure shooting up as is normally warranted when one of us comes through the gate carrying another.
It's starting to get quite cool now I think, as Sam and I reach the car. I begin to wonder what the hell I'm doing offering her a lift, and instantly chastise myself with the thought that I've done it a hundred times before. Except...something seems to be different this time. Was it that almost kiss? Or even just the flirting and touching the other night? Whatever it is, I can tell something is bugging her too, as she gets into the car with a set face, and tight jawline.
"You okay Sam?"
"Mmm? Yeah fine thank you Sir...just lost in my thoughts is all..."
"Jack..."
"What?"
"It's Jack remember? Little lapse there Sam"
"Sorry...like I say...I was miles away"
She smiles then. But I don't really notice. I'm looking at the road ahead and wishing that I was miles away. That we were miles away. Would she be tempted if we were? Would we be lovers by now if we weren't in the military? Stupid Jack. Stupid train of thought. Of course she wouldn't. I'm an old man, and she...she's....
"Jack!"
"Huh?...oh jeez...sorry Sam..."
I quickly come to my senses as Sam alerts me to the fact that I almost missed her exit. Huh. Was my subconscious mind just gonna drive home? And take her with me? I wonder...I wonder what would happen if I invited her in...Well. I guess she just answered that my bringing my directional lapse to my attention. Point made Sam. Crystal clear. I get it.
She looks over at me then, and from the corner of my eye I detect some concern. Of course...I'm scowling...I try to correct my expression to one of mild disinterest, but she's already noticed.
"Jack?...you okay?"
"Sure...no problem. Here we are."
I try to affect a smile as I pull the car over to her apartment block. She clicks out of the seatbelt and opens the door. I stare straight ahead, looking at the dark trees in front of me, and only when I realise I've been cold for a while do I look back up at the passenger door. She's standing there, biting her lip, one hand on the door, and she looks like she's struggling with an inner decision. I can feel my heart start to speed up. Oh God. Oh what is she thinking? Is she trying to trawl up an excuse for asking me in? Or is she just trying to build up the courage to ask me in outright?
Time seems to stretch.
She seems to come to a decision then, and straightens with a little shake of her head, ready to shut the door. Before I know what's happening, a hear a little voice out of nowhere, and as her head snaps up, I realise it was mine...
"Sure yeah...I think I've fixed it. Should work fine now. Come on. "
She smiles as she say this, and I realise I asked her if she'd finished looking at my spare TV. I was pissed at her one day, too much technobabble, so I challenged her to fix my old and ailing TV. She accepted, with a cheery smile, and that adorable little look she gets whenever faced with a technological or generally scientific challenge. And so, my annoying subconscious self, which I hold entirely responsible for the little incident between us the other day, once again puts me in a potentially awkward situation. Thank God I haven't been drinking tonight.
It's warm inside her flat, and I realise just how tired I am after trekking through that forest as the warmth makes my eyelids heavy. She points me to a seat, and offers me a coffee, which I eagerly accept. I sit, and wait for her to return from the kitchen. I smile sleepily up at her as she emerges and takes the seat next to me. She's not made a further mention of the telly yet, and I'm sure as hell not gonna take the initiative. We smile again, waiting for the kettle, and a few minutes pass in peaceful contemplation.
"New table?" I ask, feeling a little stupid. I also feel like a teenager again, trying to find something acceptable to say. One part of my brain keeps spinning me nightmare scenarios, like maybe Danny is waiting for me at my house, or he's on his way over to see Sam...God. I have a real problem going on here. I like Sam, I really do. I like her a lot. In fact, of late, I've maybe been thinking I like her a little too much. Oh we flirt, and it means nothing, and it's fun, but that other night my brain and body went beyond the "this is fun and it makes us both feel good", into the hitherto unexplored and normally taboo area of "I wonder what it'd be like if" which in turn lead into the damn court-martial flaunting idea of, "I wonder how she'll respond to this?". I think I have a real problem. And staying here just isn't helping. I can't blame the alcohol for everything that happened that night. She probably thinks I've something on my mind due to the way I acted in the car, and in her caring way is trying to give me the chance to talk about it. Well. You're far too nice for your own good Samantha Carter, if you knew exactly what is on my mind, you'd kick my good for nothing ass out the door in a second flat!
But maybe...
Oh for crying out loud...
I know Carter. And I know her damn well...and I know just how important her career is to her, and how unimportant I am. Well, now that's not fair. She likes me well enough. She treats me like a sort of slightly dim friend, to be taken under her wing when it comes to matters of science. Huh. Now I'm being completely unfair. She's a damn good Captain, and she looks up to me and respects me and trusts me with her life when we're on a mission. And me? I stare at her legs. What a great guy I am.
"Yeah...I picked it up down town. You like it?" She moves a little closer then, as she reaches in front of me to stroke the pale wood and the inlaid coloured tile. Sitting back again, her thighs and shoulder are now gently rubbing against mine, sending a slow thrill of fire up my spine, numbing my neck.
"Yeah...it goes with your stuff"
Yeah. And with those sky blue eyes of yours. I shiver. What is wrong with me? A few scant months ago I was convinced I was still in love with Sara. I spent a long time sorting out my feelings around that, and when I finally get everything cleared out, and cleaned house up in my brain, I stand back and have a good look at the neatly stacked away feelings, and suddenly Sam's face is leaping in there.
Out of the silence I hear an intake of breath, and I look up. Sam is staring intently at me. She is closer than ever now, and her hand rests right by my leg, a few fingers almost, almost caressing the soft material of my slacks. I look into her eyes, and it's only then that I notice my fingers are absently playing with a few loose strands of her hair, where they rest near my hand that lies along the back of the sofa. The moment is electric, and it feels like it did the other night, right before Teal'c interrupted us. God, I spent that whole night tossing and turning wondering what would have happened if he hadn't. In the end, I came to the conclusion that it would have ended it tears, hers or mine, and the loss of a much valued friendship, but God. That was how it felt when I was drenched in alcohol. Now, now I'm experiencing these feelings sober, and the effect on me is tenfold. I can feel the blood start to pump in my ears, and much, much further down. I find myself leaning in, like an invisible force is gently pressing me from behind. I don't know why I'm doing this, and she looks at me with shifting emotions that I can't identify. I stop then, hover a mere five inches from her face as I fear her rejection. Her eyebrows are pulled down slightly and all thoughts of propriety and career fly out of the window as all I care about is does she want me? I need to swallow, to clear this sticky trepidation from my throat but I daren't...I daren't do anything to spoil this moment...to take her away from me...
Phweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Well. I guess something had to. The moment is gone as the kettle announces that it has successfully boiled the water, and it sounds so pleased to have done so. I hate the damn thing then. Hate it so fully and passionately, then hate myself, for putting myself in this stupid situation a second time, and trying to blame an inanimate object. I should thank it. Sam takes this opportunity to get the hell as far away from me as she possibly can, padding through to the kitchen, and my spirits sink.
I find myself on my feet somehow, and I lurch across to the other side of the room where I spotted my repaired television. Hefting it into my arms, I turn to find Sam in the kitchen doorway, just standing. I feel my heart sink again as I notice there are no cups in her hand. She obviously left the room just to get away from me, and the lack of proffered coffee plainly states her desire not to detain me any longer.
I sigh. And drop my eyes from hers. I'll make it easy for her, I don't want her to have to ask me to leave. I've spoiled things enough already. I really can't keep pushing things like this, I'll just end up alienating her, and it's plainly obvious she's repulsed by the whole idea. Jack O'Neill, you are one hell of a self-centred bastard for doing this to one of your best friends. I walk to the door then, and smile at her in a guilty fashion as I nod my head towards the handle.
"Uh...don't bother with the coffee Sam, it's getting a little late, I think I'll just head on home. Uh...thanks for fixing this. Can you get the door for me?"
She smiles then, but it's a hell of a funny smile. I can't identify what's going through her head, but it's probably disgust. Disgust that her so called friend and CO would try it on. Well. I'll take myself off and go bang my head on my wall for a couple of hours. No praying that she'll forget this tomorrow, no alcohol to fall back on this time. I hope your happy Jack. She looks away, and reaches for the door. I step out into the night air, and it cools my blood a little, but just a little. I walk to the car, and watch with mild surprise as she follows me, arms folded protectively across her chest. I hope she's just cold. Either that, or she's frightened of me now, because I've been leering at her practically all week. She opens the back seat door, and I slide the TV in across both seats with a few extra curses for myself.
"Jack?...are...are you okay?"
I close the door and look at her then, rather surprised at the concern in her voice.
"Sure...I'm fine...you should have a jacket though...it's cold out here..."
I smile in an effort to make her not hate me. She smiles back, a little uncertainly at first, but with growing confidence. She looks cold, and seems to be shaking a little. I'm not cold. How could I be with this liquid fire streaming through my veins? God I haven't felt like this for a long, long time, and hopefully I'll learn to control myself so I don't feel like this around her again.
"I'm fine. Hope the TV works. I'll see you tomorrow Jack"
She smiles again, as if she's worried that I'm upset at her! What did I do to deserve this woman as a friend? Not enough, and certainly nowhere near enough to earn her smiles as a lover.
"Yeah...See you tomorrow Sam. Thanks for fixing this."
I move then and open the driver door, but still she stands there, looking so small, and cold, and fragile. I can't stand her looking like that, and though I'm afraid she'll go stiff and unresponsive in my arms, I go to give
her a cheering hug, which I've done many times before.
"Hey...cheer up Sam...we get to go to PJ4595 tomorrow remember? More rees!"
I take her gently in my arms then, somewhat surprised as she settles in my embrace with her head on my shoulder, and her arms coming together at the small of my back.
"Think you'll manage to stay upright for the duration sir?"
I laugh in her hair, and she chuckles with me. As long as we can laugh, and hell, flirt, considering the somewhat dodgy implications of what she just said, everything just might be okay, and I feel a little better. I hug her a little tighter then, but still being careful to keep my legs far back from hers, and my arms fairly loose and casual, as I take in the singular scent of her hair. I try to be calm, try not to elicit pleasure from her gentle, warm pressure, but all the Special Forces training in the world couldn't protect me from the undeniable presence of her in my arms. And my blood, my blood rings so loudly in my ears as it pounds through my body. But still...I had to go, and so I began to pull back gently from her arms...Oh. Oh Sam.
* * *
I stand and shiver in my doorway, and wonder if he did the same when Teal'c and I left the other night. Ten minutes ago, I would have said no, but now...now I'm not so sure. Oh dear. And today started off so good, so much fun. I could have smacked his Goddamn face when he laughed at us for falling in that mire, but God were we revenged when he tripped and fell on his face. I was so sure he'd hurt himself, so sure until I looked at his face, and saw his embarrassment. And then, when he stared at my legs...Did he really think I wouldn't notice? Oh, at least he was a little circumspect this time, he kept his head turned away, his eyes shadowed, and merely watched occasionally, unlike his blatant staring over the poker table.
Sigh.
Well. This night didn't at all end the way I'd expected.
No, I don't mean that I had intended to drag him back here for a night of wild passionate sex! Well...I won't say I didn't contemplate it for a second, but it wasn't really on the agenda...not really.
When he leaned close I just went all tense...I had no control...I don't know if I should have moved away or moved closer...and then the kettle went. And saved us. Yes...it did...it took away that awful moment of fear and indecision...when anything could have happened. What was happening to us? The other night I could file away as being down to the alcohol alone but tonight? Maybe I was imagining it...maybe I'm making it all up...
Oh dear.
When I returned from the kitchen, and he was stood there with the TV, ready to go, I've never felt such a horrible downward spiral of emotions. His face was blank, devoid of any emotion, and I began to wonder if my hesitation at the car had caused this whole sorry affair, and if he blamed me for it. Maybe he was just being nice...maybe he saw my face and thought I wanted to talk, and then, when I sat so close to him, he understood...and couldn't wait to get the hell away from me...And yet...
Brrr.
Okay Sam, this is silly...at least get inside.
Once there...I flopped down on the couch, and drew the blanket from the back of the chair around me. I didn't fancy getting ready for bed right now, I just wanted to sit here. But, but what about when he....I mean yes, yes he was playing with my hair, and yes...he did lean in towards me, but no...nothing happened. He was probably just about to comfort me. He thought I was upset, and did what any good friend would do, and I buggered it up...as per usual. But...but...
Oh God. I have to admit it. I have to get this clear in my head. When he hugged me...when he held me so close, so gently...Yes, his arms were loose and casual, yes, his head merely rested against mine. Yes, he kept his legs and hips far from mine so I've no idea how he felt in that department, but when I laid my head gratefully against his shoulder and chest...his heart...his heart was hammering so fast and so forcefully I was so afraid it would burst out of his chest!....Oh Jack. Why Jack? Why does it have to be so hard? Why did you pull away so fast and run from my embrace? Why did God make you want me too?
* * *
I really should slow down...I'm gonna have an accident if I'm not careful. I carefully ease my foot from the accelerator, as if I'm handling some timid but dangerous animal that has to be treated with kid gloves, and no sudden movements.
I watch as the speedo falls below the national maximum, and I finally allow myself to release the breath I'm sure I've been holding since I drove away from Sam's. My arms are shaking, and I'm not sure if it's because I've been gripping the steering wheel with a determination that made my knuckles white, or is it's because of what happened. I thought it had all begun to ease down. Yes, I'd made a damn fool of myself, but she seemed okay with it, well, it seemed she could handle it, but then I just had to take her in my arms didn't I? I just had to, and now?...now I know what I know is it better? No. It's worse...much worse...and judging by the way she looked at me when she lifted her head from my chest, she knows too. Betrayed by your own blood...fantastic.
It had been such a nice hug, as I tried desperately to warm her with my arms. And then...then I realised that she wasn't shivering, she wasn't cold at all, her arms and skin felt warm and soft as always. She was trembling. She was trembling in my arms. Oh. Oh Sam. I pulled back then, and we looked into each other's eyes, and as we parted, her hand fell from my back and slid down the rear of my trousers in a deliberate caress making me tremble in return. We both moved away then...we ran...ran from what we felt, ran from the implications of it all. I heard her footsteps as she shot up the path to her flat as I flung myself into the car and gunned the engine.
And here I was.
I didn't even know where here was but I sighed with relief as I realised I was heading for home. Which I should have done in the first place, after dropping Sam off at her house. We can't do this. We can't. We have to bury this deep down...As much as I ache to be your lover now, tomorrow, and all the other tomorrows will be different. This is the military life Sam, and we both chose it. But...but I...
Oh Sam.
What are we going to do? Who's going to save us now?...
* * *
Was it fear that made him run? Probably. We both want it, and yet we both don't. We can't. We can't have it, we can't be lovers. To do that would mean giving everything else in our lives up, and neither is willing...I've come to rely on the military and SG1 and our friends over the last few years as a sort of substitute for any other personal or love life, and I know Jack has too. Now, to make that choice, to take that love life that we know we could have, it would mean everything else would go. I can't live my life on love alone Jack...and I know you can't either. But...but I...
It was cold even through my blanket now...but still I couldn't drag myself to my bed.
Oh Jack...I know what you're thinking Jack. Who's going to save us? Who's going to save us from ourselves?
**************************************************************
THE END
Story Notes: A bit of language. Sequel as requested. Once again I have opened a new file intending to do work....and found myself starting a sequel to "One of those days, one of those things"....damn fingers won't obey me!!!!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]