"Choices" By Sue Corkill

Title: Choices

Author: Sue Corkill

Email: scorkill@earthlink.net

Category: Angst, Canon UST, Challenge Response

Status: Complete

Rating: PG

Content Warning: M/F

Season/Sequel info: Season Four

Spoilers: Window of Opportunity

Archive: Heliopolis, Sam and Jack

Summary: Jack and Daniel have an early morning chat after the events in Window of Opportunity.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Feedback: Cheerfully accepted.

Author's notes: Trying my hand at some angst, which I'm not that good with-as is evidenced by the very mild angst in this story. I'm a happy ending type of gal-what can I say? There's also some canon UST.... This small piece is a challenge response; speculating about what our heroes would do if presented with an opportunity like Malakai's in WoO.

CHOICES

Daniel rolled over, restlessly kicking at the thin blanket covering him. Bunching up his small pillow, he tried to find a comfortable position. He groaned in frustration, what was that under his hip? He thought he had cleared the ground of all possible irritating objects before he'd pitched his tent. Sighing, he flopped onto his back, giving up on getting comfortable. He checked his watch; the luminous dial reading 0330. His turn at watch started in thirty minutes...might as well go ahead and get up, he decided. Pulling his boots on, he acknowledged only part of his sleeplessness was due to the hard ground. He was used to sleeping out-of-doors, after all. No, he was still trying to wrap his mind around the time loops Jack and Teal'c had experienced...as well as the sad story of Malakai. A story he could identify with only too well. Grabbing his jacket and weapon, he crawled out of the tent.

"Hey, Daniel." Jack greeted him as he joined the other man by the campfire. "You're here a little early, I haven't started the coffee yet."

"S'okay," he replied, watching as Jack proceeded to fill the small coffeepot with water and grounds, and then set it on the fire. Sitting down himself, he stared at the fire.

"Couldn't sleep?" Jack asked, as he poked at the fire with a stick, stirring up a cascade of sparks.

"Not really." He sighed, "Maybe it's just me, but does the ground around here feel exceptionally hard?"

Jack chuckled. "I think it's just you. Personally, I'm glad to have a change - hard ground and all."

"Right...." He glanced at Jack, who continued to stare at the fire. "That whole looping thing must have been really strange."

"You can sure say that again."

Both men sat quietly then, gazing into the flames. "Kind of reminds me of what happened on P4X-639 when we found Malakai."

"What?" Jack asked.

"The flames, remind me of the geomagnetic storm."

"Ah, that...." Jack poked at the fire again. "Your coffee's probably done," he added.

Looking around the small area illuminated by the fire, Daniel spotted his mug and a hand towel. Retrieving both items, he poured himself a cup of the hot brew. Sitting back down, he took a sip-strong, just the way he liked it; he sighed appreciatively. When Jack showed no sign of leaving, Daniel commented. "Do you ever wonder, Jack, what it would be like if you could somehow go back and change history, liked Malakai wanted?"

Jack glanced at him sideways. "Can't say I'd thought much about it, Daniel. At least before all of this...."

"Well, I guess I never had either-until now" Taking another swallow of his coffee, he mused. "Just imagine if the time travel device had actually worked, you would have the potential to change anything in your past, or your world's past."

"Yeah, I suppose you could. But according to Carter, changing past events is not a good thing. That whole grandfather parable business...."

"Paradox," Daniel corrected automatically.

Jack frowned at him. "You know what I mean. In the wrong hands...well, look what happened with Malakai."

Daniel sent him a questioning look.

Jack continued, "Basically, I don't think that Malakai was a bad guy. He just wanted something so bad that he lost all perspective." Jack paused then. "I do understand though, what he wanted to do."

Daniel studied his friend before commenting, cautiously. "I think I understand him too, Jack. And even after seeing the futility of his desire, I can't help but wonder - what if it worked? What if we could somehow figure it out? I mean, Sam might be able to make it work...."

"Daniel," Jack interrupted. "Don't go there."

But Daniel ignored him, warming to his subject, even though he knew the machine would never work. "Think about it, Jack. We could prevent Apophis from attacking Abydos, from taking Sha're." He gestured around him, "Maybe even stop the Goa'uld altogether!" Daniel looked at Jack, hoping to see understanding. What he saw though was a profound sadness. "Jack...?"

"Daniel," Jack's voice was calm and controlled. "Don't you suppose that I didn't have those same thoughts? That if it worked, I could go back and prevent my son's death?" Jack rubbed his eyes, the gesture one of extreme weariness. "Or at least his death at that point in time."

"But, wouldn't it be worth it, Jack?" Daniel persisted.

"Daniel, give it a rest," Jack replied sharply, getting to his feet. "I'm going to bed."

Daniel watched as Jack crawled into his tent. Sighing, he turned his attention back to the fire. He hadn't meant to upset Jack, but he couldn't help but wonder what his life would be like if he and Sha're were still together. Of course, in his little scenario, he'd probably still be on Abydos. More than likely he wouldn't have met up with Jack again, or even met Sam, or...Teal'c. Teal'c, he realized slowly, who would still be First Prime to Apophis. He began to sense the futility of his exercise in 'what if'. As much as he might like to think otherwise, he didn't exist in a vacuum. How could he ever decide which moment would be 'the' defining moment to change? He refilled his coffee mug; thinking about time travel gave him a headache....

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Jack lay on his back, trying to get some sleep, and in lieu of that, at least some rest. He could hear the faint murmuring and rustles of the nighttime sounds he had come to recognize as normal for this world. The subtle background noises now, occasionally, broken by movement from Daniel. Daniel...he should have known that, sooner or later, Daniel would be the one to speak his thoughts aloud. Thoughts that he had been steadily trying to ignore. He would give anything, including his own life, to have his son back. The only regret he allowed himself to have - ever, was that he hadn't been able to prevent Charlie's death.

But as much as he wanted his son back, since their encounter with Malakai, he had come to realize that he didn't want this life to go back to the way it had been then.... Even with Charlie's death factored out of the equation, at that point in his life, he would still have been on the road to a complete burnout. And, if he was brutally honest, his son's death had merely been a convenient, and acceptable, excuse for the failure of his marriage. Maybe he and Sarah would have both worked a little harder at their problems if Charlie hadn't died. Jeez, Jack, he reminded himself, as he had told Daniel - don't go there. Rehashing the reasons behind his failed marriage never gave him anything but a headache. Shifting onto his side, he closed his eyes, but his mind still raced. He thrived on the Stargate project; it gave him a sense of purpose that had been sadly lacking in his previous assignments. If Charlie had lived, would he still have been picked for the Stargate project? He knew the answer was a resounding no. General West would have found another burned-out, suicidal head-case to blow up Ra.

And, if he hadn't gone through the Stargate, he would have never met Daniel, Teal'c, or Sam. "Sam"...he whispered her name into the night. The only times he indulged himself and called her Sam were moments like this. Alone, at night, and only in his thoughts. He couldn't imagine his life without her in it. But hell, he'd once thought the same thing about his son, and it hadn't made any difference. Jack O'Neill's life had gone on....

He rolled abruptly to his back, staring into the darkness of the tent. The night was slowly changing into day as the birds began their first tentative chirps. No matter what he wanted, or wished for, Charlie was gone. That single, cataclysmic event had changed his life forever, just as Sha're's abduction had altered Daniel's life. They had become the people they were now because of all that had happened in their pasts. None of it was fair, he thought. Didn't they all deserve some happiness? Jack groaned. Crap, O'Neill, he thought, next thing you know you'll be crying in your beer. He smiled slightly, that is if he had any beer. Hell no, life was unfair and you just had to live with it because the alternative wasn't any better. And thank god, that machine didn't work and history couldn't be changed, because he had the gut feeling, that even with the best of intentions, changing things had the potential to only make them much worse.

THE END