TITLE: Life in Death

AUTHOR: Shane Vansen

EMAIL: the_fourth_dimension@hotmail.com

STATUS: Complete

CATEGORY: Sam/Jack, PWP

SPOILERS: Ascension, Desperate Measures, minor for TDYK/JM

SEASON: 5

RATING: NC-17

CONTENT WARNINGS: Sexual situations.

FEEDBACK: makes me very happy :)

SUMMARY: Recent events prompt Sam to make some personal decisions.

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Film Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money exchanged hands. No copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

ARCHIVE: SJA and Heliopolis; anyone else just ask and ye shall be granted

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fic was inspired by Salla's remarks a few months ago on samandjack regarding the lack of birth control in fanfic. I made it my personal challenge to write it in and this was the result. Honest feedback letting me know if I succeeded in making it... well, sexy, for lack of a better term, would be very helpful.

Thanks go to Sue for betaing. It's much appreciated!

This takes place shortly after DM; I'm going under the assumption that Sam was given some downtime after her return.

**

Jack hesitated, one hand raised to knock on the door, the other clutching the piece of paper that had prompted him to come here - alone, no less. He'd never been here without a "chaperone," and it was that minor fact that was prompting his current hesitation. How one five-foot-nine blonde woman could scare him more than a Goa'uld System Lord he'd never know, but luckily it was a truth that he was rarely forced to acknowledge.

With a scowl he gave the front door three precise raps and then took a step back, rocking from heel to toe as he listened to her approaching footsteps. Seconds later, her door opened, accompanied by her surprised voice. "Sir!"

Everything he'd planned to say fled his mind as he got his first look at Sam in several days: dressed from head to toe in black, hair mussed, cheeks flushed. Wow.

Her voice reminded him that he was staring. "Colonel? Is there something I can do for you?"

He blinked and shook his head slightly, getting his mind back on the matter at hand. "Yeah. Uhhh... could I come in for a minute?"

She tilted her head and eyed him for a moment before nodding and stepping back to let him in. "Sure." She led him into the living room, where they both stood nervously. "So..." she started, voice trailing off in invitation.

Hell, may as well jump right in. "Are you doing okay?"

Sam's brow wrinkled in genuine confusion; she was such a lousy liar that he knew that she had no idea what he was talking about. "Sir?"

He *so* didn't want to be talking to her about this; the last thing either of them needed was Sam thinking he doubted her. But he wanted the chance to talk to her unofficially, hoping he could avoid a formal inquiry into her state of mind. "I came across this today," he told her, holding out the piece of paper he'd been holding.

It was nothing especially obvious, nothing very threatening. Found on any other CO's desk across the country, a request for a brief leave of absence likely wouldn't cause any undue concern. In fact, coming from almost any other officer, it wouldn't have concerned him, either. But two things had prompted him to confront Sam: one, Major Carter *never* requested leave; and two, this request came less than two weeks after her abduction and near death.

She glanced briefly at the sheet, apparently recognizing it. "What about it?"

The professional-sounding speech he'd rehearsed on the way over had disappeared. "Carter, we usually have to order you out of the SGC, so when you request leave immediately following your kidnapping, I get a little-" worried? scared? "-concerned."

She looked a little uncomfortable when he mentioned her abduction, but was shaking her head in disagreement before he'd finished speaking. "Colonel, I filed my request before any of that happened. It has nothing to do with Adrian Conrad or what he tried to do to me."

Jack tried very hard not to show how relieved he was, but she must have seen because she smiled at him. She must have also read the curiosity in his eyes, because she answered the question he knew he had no right to ask. "This Saturday is the twentieth anniversary of my mom's death. Dad's going to try to come, and we're flying out to her grave. Mark's going to be there too."

the logical part of his brain taunted. "How are he and your dad getting along these days?"

She shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Dad gets to Earth so rarely that they hardly even see each other. I think Mark's starting to get a little suspicious of the fact that Dad can't be reached so much of the time, but for once he's not saying anything."

"That's good." He couldn't think of anything else to say, and apparently neither could she. When the silence turned awkward, especially when Sam refused to look away from him, he decided it was time to go. "Look, I just came by to make sure you were okay. Since it's apparently nothing more than some misfiled paperwork, I should probably go."

Was it his imagination, or did she look disappointed? Definitely wishful thinking, he assured himself as she walked him to the door. And she wasn't touching him on the back either; that was all in his mind. These days, Sam touched him about as often as she voluntarily took time off work.

a gleeful voice reminded him at the same instant that he turned around to find Sam standing too close,

Despite its seeming insight into Sam, the taunting voice was apparently as shocked as Jack was when she leaned across the miniscule space that separated them and lifted her lips to his in a brief kiss, because it instantly shut up.

Jack took a startled step backwards, putting some space between him and Sam. "Uh, Carter? What the hell was that?" Maybe she really was suffering some sort of breakdown after all, he thought, although she looked lucid enough as she continued to meet his gaze.

"That," she said slowly, deliberately, "is the result of too much thinking."

"Huh?" That explained nothing. Maybe she meant too much drinking? But that didn't make sense either; Sam wasn't the type of person who drank to the extent that she lost control, and he'd smelled no alcohol on her breath.

"I had some time to think while I was strapped down to that bed," she told him. "Did you know that my mom was only a few years older than I am now when she died?" He shook his head; Sam had never volunteered much information about her mother, and he hadn't felt he had the right to ask. "Ironic, really; we spent a lot of time worrying that Dad would never make it home from some mission, and now he'll probably outlive all of us by a hundred years." She paused for a minute. "I spent most of the time that I was conscious thinking about death. About the upcoming anniversary of the day my mom died, about Adrian Conrad trying to cheat death, and about the fact that I was probably only days away from dying myself. And I decided that I don't want to die with regrets."

What was he supposed to say to that? Sam seemed to take his silence as either acceptance or indecision, because she took the small step forward needed to eliminate the space between them so that their bodies were just barely touching, again lifting her head and kissing him. And although he pulled his head away, Jack found that this time he didn't have the will to move away entirely. "What about the regs?"

"That's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Are you sure? You really shouldn't decide things in life-and-death situations and-"

"Jack." His name in her exasperated tone of voice shut him up instantly. "Do you really want to question this right now?" She trailed her fingers up his chest and his breath caught.

"That," he whispered in her ear, liking the way she shivered as his breath caressed the side of her face, "was definitely not fair."

"Maybe not," she conceded, washing her hands over his shoulders and down his arms. "But it worked, didn't it?"

He rested his hands on her hips, his thumbs rubbing lightly against her sides. "For now," he agreed. "But we still have some things to talk about."

"Tomorrow," she bargained, sighing softly when his hands began exploring. Then she wrapped her arms behind his head to hold him still as she stretched her body against his and leaned up for another kiss, this one nothing like the light, almost chaste ones of before. Her tongue forced itself past his lips without ceremony, seeking and engaging his own in an erotic battle. One of her hands trailed back down his chest to his waist, where she tugged his black t-shirt from his pants before sliding her hand underneath to scratch lightly at the bare skin of his stomach.

Jack retaliated by lifting a hand to her breast, feeling her gasp into his mouth. He was momentarily distracted when she pulled away entirely, and opened his eyes - when had he closed them? - just in time to see Sam grasp the hem of her shirt and lift it over her head, letting it fall to the floor. Deciding that she had the right idea, he followed suit, then took a moment to study the woman in front of him.

Her skin was lightly flushed and her hair even more tousled than when she'd answered the door, the light blue bra she wore making her normally sky-blue eyes look much darker than usual. He could definitely get used to this, Jack thought before they stepped towards each other once more, revelling in the feeling of her hot skin against his own.

He kissed her thoroughly before tearing his mouth from hers and licking his way down her neck and between her breasts. By the time he raised his head, she was clutching at his shoulders simply to keep upright. He placed soft kisses on each of her closed eyelids and her mouth, unable to keep from touching her. "Bedroom?" he croaked, incapable of putting together an entire sentence.

"This way." He was somewhat pleased to note that her voice was no steadier than his as she led him to her room, both of them losing their pants somewhere between her front hall and her bedroom. Her panties were the same satiny blue material as her bra, he noted.

They practically fell onto the bed, both of them still half-dressed, but for the moment neither of them really cared. Jack carefully balanced his weight over Sam as their kiss continued, her hands running over his bare back down to his boxer-clad rear end to pull him closer, and they groaned in unison at the intimate contact.

Impatient to feel even more of her skin against his, Jack broke their kiss and leaned away from her so that he could urge her into a semi-sitting position, reaching around her back to undo the fastening on her bra. He then pressed her back down to the mattress, shifting towards her lower body in order to strip her of her underwear. Sam lifted her hips obligingly and held out a hand to bring him back up for another kiss.

Jack's fingers wandered down her body, stopping only to trace a collarbone or brush over a nipple or swirl into her bellybutton before reaching his target. He slipped his hand between her legs, and Sam moaned softly into his mouth as he pressed a probing finger against her opening. She was definitely aroused, he decided, but not yet ready enough for him. Luckily for him, however, he'd picked up a few tricks over the years.

Once more breaking their kiss Jack began following the path his fingers had taken several minutes earlier: licking along her collarbone, flicking his tongue across a nipple and into her bellybutton. He heard Sam's breathing begin to hitch as he approached his goal, her knees coming up and apart to grant him access as he shifted low enough to lie between her legs. Taking the time to kiss his way up her inner thigh, Jack smoothed the other leg with his fingers before leaning down to flick his tongue delicately against her clitoris. Above him, Sam made a mewling sound as her entire body shuddered at the light touch, her hands clenching so tightly in the comforter that he could see her knuckles turning white. He looped his arms beneath her knees and curled his hands over her legs to grasp her thighs, holding her still as he continued his tender assault, varying the pressure, speed, and rhythm until he learned what she liked. It was only a few minutes before he'd brought her to the brink but instead of continuing he backed off, allowing her body to calm before repeating his actions. He did this a few times, until she couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh my god," she breathed above him. "Oh god, Jack, please." She gasped as he removed one hand and reached up to knead a breast. "Jack..."

He released her breast and manouevered his hand lower, slipping a single finger into her slick opening. She immediately clenched around him, her entreaties of before breaking into a wordless cry of pleasure as he brought her to orgasm. He continued to caress her gently with his tongue for long minutes as she trembled, pleased when he added a second finger and found her more than ready enough to accept him.

Jack drew away when her orgasm had subsided to the occasional quiver and kissed his way back up her now sweat-slicked body. She urged his head up to meet hers and kissed him languidly, their tongues dueling sensuously before breaking apart. "Wow," she murmured, and he couldn't help the self-satisfied smile.

"If you're reduced to one-syllable words, then I guess I was doing something right," he teased gently, and she swatted at him lightly.

"My turn to return the favour," she responded in a voice that was decidedly lower than usual, and Jack's smile disappeared only seconds later as one of her hands began fondling him through his boxers. He groaned harshly, dropping his head to Sam's shoulder while his hips instinctively thrust against her hand. He was only just regaining control of himself when her fingers stole inside the fabric to grasp his erection; the unexpected skin-on-skin contact was nearly enough to end it for him right then.

Jack forced himself to pull away from her, flopping gracelessly onto his back and sucking in lungfuls of air. Sam propped herself up beside him, her fingers trailing lightly over his chest and occasionally his face, watching him try to calm down. "Are you trying to kill me?" he demanded.

She grinned. "Not yet," she assured him. "I still have plans for you, y'know. I need you in full working order for a few years, at least."

He reached up suddenly, cupping her face in both hands. "I hope it's for a lot longer than that."

Her smug grin softened into a look of surprise, which was soon replaced by one of her full-fledged smiles that he loved so much. "Me too," she confessed quietly, covering one of his hands that lay on her cheek with her own and turning her head to press a tender kiss to his palm. Suddenly overcome with emotion Jack tugged her down so that he could wrap his arms around her, hugging her tightly. God, he loved this woman.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear, and her arms tightened around him.

"I know," she murmured back. "I love you too."

They simply lay there for several minutes, wrapped around each other, his hands gliding aimlessly over her back. Sam squirmed when he unintentionally hit a ticklish spot, and Jack was abruptly reminded of his half-forgotten erection as she rubbed against it. Her slight touch was enough to bring the throbbing back in full force, and he shuddered. Tilting her head up he took her mouth in a deep, forceful kiss, rolling her over so that she lay beneath him once again. Their hips found each other instinctively, and Jack groaned in frustration when he realized that he was still wearing his boxers.

Rolling quickly to the side, Jack shed his last remaining article of clothing. He was just about to resume his previous, much more pleasurable position when what had to be his only functioning brain cell reminded him of something he should have taken care of much earlier. Taking a second to curse the part of him that insisted on being responsible in spite of the situation, he caught Sam's attention. "Sam... I wasn't exactly planning this when I came over. I don't have anything with me."

She blinked at him, and he could see when she caught on to what he was saying. With a gentle nudge she pushed him aside and leaned over to reach into her nightstand, pulling a foil-wrapped package out of a box. She shifted towards the end of the bed and straddled his legs. Ripping open the small packet Sam carelessly tossed the wrapper over her shoulder and placed the condom over the head of his penis; he felt his eyes widen as he got a look at it. He'd just opened his mouth to ask when Sam gave him the most deliciously evil smile that he'd ever seen cross her lips and lowered her head, and whatever he might have said was lost in a primal groan when her lips closed over his erection.

Jack's entire being focused on Sam and what she was doing to him as she somehow managed to roll the condom on with her lips and tongue, her hands rubbing over whatever skin she could reach. It was only after she'd raised her head and he'd laid there for several minutes, panting, that he decided that he probably didn't want to know where she'd learned to do that. Reaching down, he grasped her shoulders and tugged her up so that her face was even with his, the weight of her body welcome as it covered him. He lifted his head to capture her lips in yet another kiss, breaking away after only a few seconds. He pulled her down so that he could whisper in her ear. "Do you trust me?" he asked, trapping her earlobe lightly between his teeth.

She shuddered. "Of course I do," she responded unhesitatingly, her tongue flicking enticingly along the edge of his ear. Then she yelped quietly when he flipped her onto her back without warning, settling himself over her. Jack reached down with one hand to her knee, slipping his arm under it and forcing her leg up and out, nearly parallel to her chest. Supporting himself on the arm that held her, he used his other hand to grab a pillow and slip it beneath her lower back before mimicking his movements and manoeuvering her other leg into the same position so that she lay open beneath him.

Their gazes caught and held for a few moments before Sam reached up to grasp his face between her hands and drew him down for a kiss. Their lips tangled together gently and it wasn't long before Jack's hips began shifting rhythmically against hers of their own accord. Her hands left his face and began trailing downwards, rubbing in small circles as they covered every inch of skin that she could reach, delaying for a few extra minutes to give special attention to his nipples. An interminably long time later she finally grasped his erection firmly between her warm fingers and, without pause, guided him into her wet heat.

Jack tore his mouth from Sam's and dropped his forehead to her shoulder as he groaned harshly, the sensation of being buried in her exquisite almost to the point of being overwhelming. He pressed into her fully, needing in some way to be as deep inside her as she was inside him, and forced himself to hold still for a few moments until he had regained some control. With a gentle nip to her shoulder he withdrew slightly and pushed back in, sinking even deeper into her welcoming body as she shifted beneath him.

All of Jack's good intentions of going slow disappeared when he began thrusting powerfully into her, Sam's breathy, nonsensical words of pleasure only serving to help wear away his restraint. He readjusted his hold on her, forcing her legs even further apart, and his movements lost all semblance of control as he drew nearer to completion; his thrusts became short and erratic, his breathing in loud gasps that he could barely hear over the desperate pounding of his blood in his ears. And then Sam began thrusting up against him, hard, and he rode her relentlessly for only a few seconds more before a powerful orgasm swept over him.

Jack collapsed weakly in the aftermath of his release, for several long moments completely oblivious to anything except for the occasional shudder that continued to rack his satiated body. When the all-consuming feelings subsided, however, the first thing he became aware of was Sam still moving almost desperately under him, her hands clutching at his back. He'd been so caught up in his own pleasure that he hadn't realized how close she must have come to a second orgasm - or that he'd left her hanging.

With an instinct borne from the desire to give his lover the same gratification he'd taken from her, Jack lowered his head to her breast and took a nipple into his mouth, at the same time readjusting his hips so that his pubic bone ground against her clitoris, careful to keep his rapidly softening erection inside her to provide extra stimulation. Only moments later she arched against him sharply, and he raised his head just in time to see her lips part in a silent gasp.

**

Sam felt her fingers dig into Jack's shoulders as her body trembled beneath his heavy weight, his hands and lips soothing her heated skin as she came down from her orgasm-induced high. Forcing herself to relax what had to be a painful hold, she managed to find the strength to cup the back of his head as he kissed his way from her right shoulder to her left, his tongue snaking out to occasionally lick her skin.

She sighed softly when she felt him slip out of her body, and couldn't stop the small moan at the soreness in her legs when he finally released them from his secure hold. Jack lifted his head to meet her gaze, one hand smoothing her damp hair back from her forehead. "Are you okay?"

Sam smiled languorously, her fingers dancing over his skin. "I'm going to be sore as hell tomorrow," she admitted, "but it'll definitely be worth it." She was amused and charmed by the look of self-satisfaction that crossed his face at her words.

She let her eyes slip to half-mast, sleepy and content as they continued to caress each other in the aftermath. Jack eventually moved off her and shifted to her side on the narrow bed after disposing of the condom, and she turned onto her stomach, one leg drawn up so that she lay half-propped on her side, turned away from him. It wasn't long before he had folded himself around her from behind, his weight a comfortable blanket over her rapidly cooling body, and Sam sighed happily. This was what she had missed, she realized. The sex had been incredible, but what she had really needed was this intimacy that the were sharing now, this quiet, peaceful moment when she could fall asleep wrapped in the embrace of the man she'd come to love the past few years.

His low voice rumbled in her ear, dragging her from her drowsy musings. "Carter?"

"Mmm?" she sighed.

"Where on Earth did you find condoms with little green aliens on them?"

She smiled faintly, hearing the amusement in his voice. "Orlin ordered them," she offered sleepily, and it was only when she felt Jack stiffen that she realized how that must have sounded. Convincing her exhausted and aching body to cooperate for just a few minutes more with the promise of impending sleep, she squirmed beneath Jack until she could turn to face him. His eyes were already shuttered, hiding from her. "That's not what I meant. They showed up with some of the other things he ordered off the Internet; he must have seen them advertised and been curious. I didn't even know about them until I got my credit card bill." She reached for his hand, kissing the palm before holding it against her cheek. "I promise, nothing happened between us."

Patient, she waited as he stared at her searchingly. He must have found what he was looking for because his face suddenly cleared and he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, cheek, and lips before wrapping his arms around her once more. "I'm sorry," he muttered, his face buried in her hair.

"S'okay," she reassured him, settling herself against him and feeling the fatigue return. "It's entirely possible that I may have been jealous myself once or twice." She smiled slightly against his shoulder at his low chuckle.

Silence reigned then, the only sounds in the bedroom the faint rasp of his hands stroking her skin and his steady heartbeat pounding beneath her ear. Sam felt herself drifting into a deep, satisfying sleep, her body pleasantly achy and her mind quiet; it was amazing how something so wonderful, so life-affirming could result from thoughts of all the death that had surrounded her recently. She wasn't naive enough to think that everything would be perfect from now on, but for this particular moment life was close enough to it that she wasn't going to complain.

Like the saying went, she wasn't going to sweat the small stuff, not when she had what mattered. And what mattered most right now was the man breathing softly beneath her cheek.

-end-