"Danny Lurks 9: trouble@sgc.gov" by Wendy Parkinson & Vanessa Nichols

Title: "trouble@sgc.gov"

Authors: Wendy Parkinson and Vanessa Nichols

Category: Humour, S/J

Spoilers: Shades of Grey, A Hundred Days, Urgo, Foothold, Past and Present

Season/Sequel info: set Season Three, just after A Hundred Days. Ninth in the Danny Lurks series, sequel to Die, Martouf, Die!. Contains major references to Danny Lurks 6 - You Know Me and Computers.

Rating: PG13 (a little bad language)

Content Warnings: none

Summary: Ness has never had so much e-mail.......

Archive: "Heliopolis" and "Sam and Jack"

Date: 11/02/99

Author's Notes: This episode of the Danny Lurks saga is a *little* different. <g> As I'm sure you've already noticed, it's a collaboration between myself and Ness and came about spontaneously when Ness mailed me (sorry, I mean when Ness mailed Dr. D <g>) last week. We've written it in about four days flat and you may be interested to know that Ness now has a new motto - 'don't mind me, I'm sleep deprived!'.

The format is a little unusual - the story is a series of e-mails between Ness and various personnel at the SGC. We hope you like it!

And just in case you're interested - Ness wrote all the bits from Ness (well, duh!) and I wrote almost all the rest (Ness did the last SGC mail and one of the others).

Enjoy! Wendy & Ness

Lyrics to "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain used without permission. No infringement is intended.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No flames please.

copyright Vanessa Nichols and Wendy Parkinson February 2000

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
trouble@sgc.gov
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Dr D!

Sorry I haven't written in such a long time--real life got kind of
crazy for me for awhile. :) Anyway, first off, some replies:

On Mon 15th Nov, 1999 "Dr. D. Jackson" wrote:
> I would like to apologise for taking so long to answer
> your e-mail but I've been out of the country.

Well, although I don't have the "out of the country" excuse, I know
the feeling! :) I'll forgive you, if you forgive me. If you don't
mind me asking, where did you go? I know you're American, and from
Colorado... :)

> Also, I would like to draw your attention to my new
> e-mail address. I considered that it would be more
> discreet if I didn't use my office address for
> personal stuff. I'm sure you understand.

Sure I understand. :) Isn't yahoo great? Especially for "personal
stuff". Oh, by the way, I also changed the addy on your story in the
archive to reflect as much as well. Did I tell you that it went into
the archive? I'm sure I must have, but if I didn't--oops, I'm sorry! :)

> > > > PS. Nice name :>
> > > Well, I'm kind of used to it...
> > Hmm...
> Not you as well? You know I'm always getting
> mistaken for 'him'. It can get quite annoying.

Gee, that *would* be annoying. :)

> > > > though I am curious, how'd you get your email
> > > > account to read "@sgc.gov"?
> > > That would be classified.
> > *Really*? Might I ask what kind of work you do?
> Well, I travel a lot on behalf of a particularly
> paranoid branch of the government. SGC actually
> stands for 'Senate Ghostbusting Committee'.
> Obviously, I'm not supposed to talk about it.

Of *course*. That explains it then. :)

On Fri 24th Dec, 1999 "Dr. D. Jackson" wrote:
> Message: I'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas
> and a Happy New Year. I'd also like to thank
> you for all the great work you do with
> the archive and all the encouragement you have
> shown me.
> Ps Considering it's summer where you are I
> thought the surfing Santa was appropriate!

Now I know that I sent you a very hurried and brief thank you and
Merry Christmas for this email, but I just wanted to thank you again.
It was such a sweet gesture and stuff like this just makes all the
archive stuff I do seem completely worthwhile! :) Not that I don't
get satisfaction from it regardless... but, well, you know... praise
is always nice. :)

I hope you had a nice Christmas, I know I did. :) How was your new
year's?

Oh, before I go, I was wondering if you could do something for me.
I'm in kind of rush to get the archive updated right now, otherwise
I'd send the appropriate email myself.

Basically, could you let Sam know that I finished beta'ing
"Jacksex.doc" for her and the only things I noticed was that
"satisfy" only has one 't', and that the phrase:

> "Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his lips began
> grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his tongue
> soothing away the non-existent wounds, as with palms splayed flat
> against his back, she slowly drew her hands up and down his spine,
> feeling the well-defined muscles shift under her touch."

would be better split into two sentences, i.e.:

> "Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his lips began
> grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his tongue
> soothing away the non-existent wounds. Palms splayed flat against his
> back, she slowly drew her hands up and down his spine, feeling the
> well-defined muscles shift under her touch."

Oh, and as for a title suggestion, I think her idea of "New Ground"
is *perfect*! Apparently there's an episode coming up with that title
as well so I'll be interested in seeing if her story reflects any of
what you guys will be showing us in a couple of weeks. ;)

Also, can you ask her to let me know whether or not she wants me to
use her "@sgc.gov" addy when archiving the story or if she has a
yahoo account like you do for "personal stuff".

Anyway, gotta run. Say hi to Jack, Teal'c, Janet and the General for
me, and tell Martouf that it's safe for him to read the list again...
for the moment at least. ;) I hear he got pretty worried about some
of the recent discussions. :)

Later, Ness.

BTW: your secret is safe with me... "Senate Ghostbusting Committee"
indeed! LOL!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

I'm writing to tell you that the story you've just beta-ed for Major
Samantha Carter, New Ground (formerly known as Jacksex), doesn't belong
to her and she had no right to send it to you. I wrote it and I'm
seriously annoyed that she is passing it off as hers. I consider
her actions to be blatant plagiarism. I put a lot of hard work into
it, in fact it took me two weeks in all, though it would have been
quicker if I hadn't accidentally deleted it a couple of times.

I had asked Daniel to send it to you for me when Sam found the story
and, I thought, destroyed it. As she described it as
'twisted' and 'perverted' and said that one part of it was
physically impossible, I no longer wish it to be sent to the
list or archived. It is obviously unsuitable for public viewing.

Major Carter and I have recently had some personal differences and I
believe she may have sent the story to you to sattisfy her
lust for revenge, hoping to publicly embarrass me.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience this matter may have caused. I will
be taking it up with Major Carter personally.

BTW, I think the archive, particularly the Kawalsky shrine, is
seriously cool. Way to go, Ness!!

Yours, Jack
(Col. J. O'Neill USAF)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Jack,

> I'm writing to tell you that the story you've just beta-ed for
> Major Samantha Carter, New Ground (formerly known as Jacksex),
> doesn't belong to her

*Really*, I had *no* idea... ;)

> and she had no right to send it to you. I wrote it and I'm
> seriously annoyed that she is passing it off as hers. I consider
> her actions to be blatant plagiarism.

Actually, she never *said* it was hers--rather she just asked if I
could beta it for her.

> I put a lot of hard work into it, in fact it took me two
> weeks in all, though it would have been quicker if I hadn't
> accidentally deleted it a couple of times.

Yeah, that delete key can be nasty sometimes, can't it? :)

> I had asked Daniel to send it to you for me when Sam found the
> story and, I thought, destroyed it. As she described it as
> 'twisted' and 'perverted'

In her email to me, she used the words "tender" and
"romantical"--perhaps you heard her wrong?

> and said that one part of it was physically impossible,

Actually, it is possible... providing you take the necessary
'precautions' first... ;)

> I no longer wish it to be sent to the list or archived. It is
> obviously unsuitable for public viewing.

Now that would be a great shame. And when considering what other
people have sent to the list/archive... I don't think you have any
worries about your story not 'fitting in'. :)

> Major Carter and I have recently had some personal differences and
> I believe she may have sent the story to you to sattisfy her lust
> for revenge, hoping to publicly embarrass me.

Now Jack, if she *was* planning revenge (which I doubt) then why
would she have sent it to me for beta'ing first? If her plan was
revenge, then sending it to the list/archive *without* someone else
checking it would have been a better plan...

> I'm sorry for any inconvenience this matter may have caused. I will
> be taking it up with Major Carter personally.

No, no inconvenience, and Jack--go easy on her. :)

> BTW, I think the archive, particularly the Kawalsky shrine, is
> seriously cool. Way to go, Ness!!

You're very welcome Jack, I'm glad you like it so much. :)

Yours, Ness.

BTW: satisfy is spelt with one 't'... and Jack? Does Daniel know that
you've been reading his email? ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

Thank you for your prompt reply.

> > doesn't belong to her
> *Really*, I had *no* idea... ;)

I didn't think she would have told you.

> Actually, she never *said* it was hers--rather she just asked if I
> could beta it for her.

But she didn't say it wasn't, did she?

> > accidentally deleted it a couple of times.
> Yeah, that delete key can be nasty sometimes, can't it? :)

Particularly when *someone* tells you 'del' stands for 'deliver'.

> > As she described it as 'twisted' and 'perverted'
> In her email to me, she used the words "tender" and
> "romantical"--perhaps you heard her wrong?

Considering the volume she said it at, I think that's extremely unlikely.

> > and said that one part of it was physically impossible,
> Actually, it is possible... providing you take the necessary
> 'precautions' first... ;)

Really? I thought it was..... it's good to get a second opinion!

> > I no longer wish it to be sent to the list or archived. It is
> > obviously unsuitable for public viewing.
> Now that would be a great shame. And when considering what other
> people have sent to the list/archive... I don't think you have any
> worries about your story not 'fitting in'. :)

At the moment, I stand by my decision. I may change my mind at a later
date.

> > hoping to publicly embarrass me.
> Now Jack, if she *was* planning revenge (which I doubt) then why
> would she have sent it to me for beta'ing first? If her plan was
> revenge, then sending it to the list/archive *without* someone else
> checking it would have been a better plan...

Why? Was it *that* bad?

> > I'm sorry for any inconvenience this matter may have caused. I will
> > be taking it up with Major Carter personally.
> No, no inconvenience, and Jack--go easy on her. :)

I haven't found her yet.....

> Yours, Ness.
> BTW: satisfy is spelt with one 't'... and Jack? Does Daniel know that
> you've been reading his email? ;)

He does now. But he really shouldn't print his mail out and leave it
lying around on the desk in his office when I'd arranged to meet him
there and he was late, should he? I think he may be going to mail
you soon. I don't think he's very happy, but it's difficult to
be sure because he won't talk to me.

BTW, I passed your message onto Martouf. He said, "Aaarrgghh!!!" when
I mentioned the list, then something about 'rehabilitation', 'therapy'
and 'fluffy bunny rabbits'. Personally, I think he's lost the plot.

Yours, Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

It's great to hear from you again! Don't worry about taking a while to
get back to me, I know how hectic real life can get.

> If you don't mind me asking, where did you go? I know you're
> American, and from Colorado... :)

I don't remember telling you that...... but I do live in Colorado,
fairly near Cheyenne Mountain (where NORAD is based - I'm sure
you must have heard of them).

> > Also, I would like to draw your attention to my new
> > e-mail address.
> Sure I understand. :) Isn't yahoo great? Especially for "personal
> stuff". Oh, by the way, I also changed the addy on your story in the
> archive to reflect as much as well. Did I tell you that it went into
> the archive? I'm sure I must have, but if I didn't--oops, I'm sorry! :)

I don't think you actually said, but I hoped you'd put it in. Thank you!

> > On Fri 24th Dec, 1999 "Dr. D. Jackson" wrote:
> > Message: I'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas
> > and a Happy New Year
> I hope you had a nice Christmas, I know I did. :) How was your new
> year's?

Quiet, as I spent it with a less than talkative friend of mine. The two
other friends who we usually socialise with had made their own plans.

> Oh, before I go, I was wondering if you could do something for me.
> I'm in kind of rush to get the archive updated right now, otherwise
> I'd send the appropriate email myself.

OK, if I can help.

> Basically, could you let Sam know that I finished beta'ing
> "Jacksex.doc" for her

What!!?!

> and the only things I noticed was that "satisfy" only has one 't',
> and that the phrase:
> "Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his lips began
> grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his tongue
> soothing away the non-existent wounds, as with palms splayed flat
> against his back, she slowly drew her hands up and down his spine,
> feeling the well-defined muscles shift under her touch."

Oh my goodness.......

> Oh, and as for a title suggestion, I think her idea of "New Ground"
> is *perfect*! Apparently there's an episode coming up with that title
> as well so I'll be interested in seeing if her story reflects any of
> what you guys will be showing us in a couple of weeks. ;)

I haven't actually read the story. I had a copy in my hand once but Sam
confiscated it. :-( However, I think I'm safe to say it'll be nothing like
the mission you're referring to. I have no intention of 'showing' anyone
anything!

I think I ought to mention that although Sam ended up with the only
copy of the story, she didn't actually write it. The real author
of the story found your e-mail after going through personal stuff
on my office desk earlier today. He had absolutely no right to do
this and I'm very annoyed with him. I think he may be going to
mail you himself. I get the impression he's unhappy about Sam
mailing you the story - just before I decided to stop speaking to
him, he asked me how to spell 'plagiarism'. I think you'll find
him easy to spot - he always spells 'satisfy' with two 't's'.

> Also, can you ask her to let me know whether or not she wants me to
> use her "@sgc.gov" addy when archiving the story or if she has a
> yahoo account like you do for "personal stuff".

I really don't know - I'll ask her to mail you.

> Anyway, gotta run. Say hi to Jack, Teal'c, Janet and the General for
> me, and tell Martouf that it's safe for him to read the list again...
> for the moment at least. ;) I hear he got pretty worried about some
> of the recent discussions. :)

We thought you knew that we knew what you were discussing..... but *how*?
I've passed the message on to Martouf. He said, "Aaarrgghh!!" then
muttered something about 'a padded cell', 'psychiatry' and 'fluffy
bunny rabbits'. Personally I think he's lost the plot.

> Later, Ness.
> BTW: your secret is safe with me... "Senate Ghostbusting Committee"
> indeed! LOL!

Oh! Please don't tell anyone, will you?

regards, Dr. D.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Sam,

I know it took me a while to beta your story, but I asked Daniel
yesterday if he could pass on a message to you about it since I was
kinda in a rush. I feel I should apologise for this because a) it
wasn't right for me to mention our conversations to someone else
(even if you are bestfriends) and b) because now my inbox is
beginning to look like I work for the government!

As I said to Daniel (again, I'm so sorry!), the only things I spotted
was that satisfy is spelt with only one 't' and that:

> Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his lips
> began grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his
> tongue soothing away the non-existent wounds, as with palms
> splayed flat against his back, she slowly drew her hands up and
> down his spine, feeling the well-defined muscles shift under her
> touch.

would be better as:

Her soft smile soon disappeared with a muted sigh as his lips began
grazing her neck, teeth lightly nipping at the skin, his tongue
soothing away the non-existent wounds. Palms splayed flat against his
back, she slowly drew her hands up and down his spine, feeling the
well-defined muscles shift under her touch.

And I agree with you totally about the title "New Ground" -- perfect!
And you're right as well about it being incredibly tender and
romantic!

Also, I'm afraid that Jack has now found out that you sent the story
to me and despite the fact that I assured him that you hadn't
*claimed* the story as yours, he's now talking about plagiarism and
positive that you only sent it to me out of revenge. I'm trying to
calm him down (I figure it's the least I can do), as is Daniel by all
accounts, but for the record, on sublevel 17 there's a door behind
the closet in there that leads to an old bombshelter... might I
suggest hiding?

Again, I'm so sorry.

Apologies, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Dr D,

> It's great to hear from you again!

Same! :)

> Don't worry about taking a while to get
> back to me, I know how hectic real life can get.

*phew* Thanks. :)

> > mind me asking, where did you go? I know you're American, and
> > from Colorado... :)
> I don't remember telling you that......

I'm psychic. :)

> but I do live in Colorado, fairly near Cheyenne Mountain (where
> NORAD is based - I'm sure you must have heard of them).

Yep, heard of them. And the facility that works beneath them... ;)

> I don't think you actually said, but I hoped you'd put it in. Thank
> you!

Quite alright! :) Have you received much feedback about it?

> > I hope you had a nice Christmas, I know I did. :) How was your
> > new year's?
> Quiet, as I spent it with a less than talkative friend of mine. The
> two other friends who we usually socialise with had made their own
> plans.

Yeah, I heard about that. Apparently things didn't go *exactly* to
plan! :) I'm glad you and Teal'c had "fun" though. :)

> > Basically, could you let Sam know that I finished beta'ing
> > "Jacksex.doc" for her
> What!!?!
> > feeling the well-defined muscles shift under her touch."
> Oh my goodness.......

Why do I feel like slapping a big "oops" to my forehead? I take it
you didn't know about this?

> > Oh, and as for a title suggestion, I think her idea of "New
> > Ground" is *perfect*! Apparently there's an episode coming up
> > with that title as well so I'll be interested in seeing if her
> > story reflects any of what you guys will be showing us in a
> > couple of weeks. ;)
> I haven't actually read the story. I had a copy in my hand once but
> Sam confiscated it. :-(

Gee, that's too bad--it was a wonderful story. :)

> However, I think I'm safe to say it'll be nothing like
> the mission you're referring to. I have no intention of 'showing'
> anyone anything!

On behalf of shirtless-Daniel-lover's everywhere--*damn*!

> I think I ought to mention that although Sam ended up with the only
> copy of the story, she didn't actually write it.

Yeah, I kinda knew that. The writing style was kind of a give-away,
among other things.

> The real author of the story found your e-mail after going through
> personal stuff on my office desk earlier today. He had absolutely
> no right to do this and I'm very annoyed with him. I think he may
> be going to mail you himself. I get the impression he's unhappy
> about Sam mailing you the story - just before I decided to stop
> speaking to him, he asked me how to spell 'plagiarism'. I think
> you'll find him easy to spot - he always spells 'satisfy' with
> two 't's'.

Well Jack's already emailed me, and yes, I guessed that he'd been
reading your emails (told him as much too!). Also, saying that he's
"unhappy" I think is a slight understatement... if you see Sam, you
might wanna suggest that she goes and hides. I know she has advanced
level three hand-to-hand combat training but still...

> I really don't know - I'll ask her to mail you.

I've hastily replied to her previous email now so hopefully she'll
respond. Please tell her once again that I'm really sorry about all
this.

> > for the moment at least. ;) I hear he got pretty worried about
> > some of the recent discussions. :)
> We thought you knew that we knew what you were discussing..... but
> *how*?

Like I said, I'm psychic. :)

> I've passed the message on to Martouf. He said, "Aaarrgghh!!" then
> muttered something about 'a padded cell', 'psychiatry' and 'fluffy
> bunny rabbits'. Personally I think he's lost the plot.

Well, you wouldn't be the first person to think so, but regardless,
the topic of Martouf is basically completely gone right now--ditto
for Narim. Right now we're discussing the finer points of Jack's
latest behaviour on mission.

> > BTW: your secret is safe with me... "Senate Ghostbusting
> > Committee" indeed! LOL!
> Oh! Please don't tell anyone, will you?

Of *course* I won't! ;)

Regards, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Jack,

> Thank you for your prompt reply.

Well, I've got so many "@sgc.gov"'s in my inbox right now that if I
don't reply to them immediately I'll start thinking that I work for
the government! :)

> > > doesn't belong to her
> > *Really*, I had *no* idea... ;)
> I didn't think she would have told you.

Ah, Jack, does the word "sarcasm" mean... hang on--forget that. :)

> > Actually, she never *said* it was hers--rather she just asked
> > if I could beta it for her.
> But she didn't say it wasn't, did she?

Well... *no*, but I guessed that it was yours anyway. And if it did
get to the stage of archiving, you would have been sent a "permission
to archive?" email from me straight away.

> > Yeah, that delete key can be nasty sometimes, can't it? :)
> Particularly when *someone* tells you 'del' stands for 'deliver'.

Gee, who was that? :)

> > In her email to me, she used the words "tender" and
> > "romantical"--perhaps you heard her wrong?
> Considering the volume she said it at, I think that's extremely
> unlikely.

Well, I only have what's in my inbox as "proof" on that matter, so I
think we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one.

> > > and said that one part of it was physically impossible,
> > Actually, it is possible... providing you take the necessary
> > 'precautions' first... ;)
> Really? I thought it was..... it's good to get a second opinion!

Always happy to help. :)

> > > I no longer wish it to be sent to the list or archived. It is
> > > obviously unsuitable for public viewing.
> > Now that would be a great shame. And when considering what other
> > people have sent to the list/archive... I don't think you have
> > any worries about your story not 'fitting in'. :)
> At the moment, I stand by my decision. I may change my mind at a
> later date.

Well, here's hoping that you will! As I said before: it's a wonderful
story and it'd be a terrible waste for it *not* to be included! :)

> > Now Jack, if she *was* planning revenge (which I doubt) then why
> > would she have sent it to me for beta'ing first? If her plan was
> > revenge, then sending it to the list/archive *without* someone
> > else checking it would have been a better plan...
> Why? Was it *that* bad?

*sigh* No, of course not! As I told Sam and Daniel, there was only
one spelling mistake, and one phrase that I thought should be changed
slightly. The rest was fantastic! I wish *I* could have written
something like that!

> > No, no inconvenience, and Jack--go easy on her. :)
> I haven't found her yet.....

Well, when you *do* find her, go easy on her. :)

> > Does Daniel know that you've been reading his email? ;)
> He does now. But he really shouldn't print his mail out and leave
> it lying around on the desk in his office when I'd arranged to
> meet him there and he was late, should he? I think he may be going
> to mail you soon. I don't think he's very happy, but it's difficult
> to be sure because he won't talk to me.

Well, he *does* have a point Jack--even if it was just "lying
around", that's not really an open invitation, now is it? :)

> BTW, I passed your message onto Martouf. He said, "Aaarrgghh!!!"
> when I mentioned the list, then something about 'rehabilitation',
> 'therapy' and 'fluffy bunny rabbits'. Personally, I think he's
> lost the plot.

Funny, I think I've heard that before... *shakes head* Oh well, tell
him it's completely safe to come back again now. We're destroying
another man's reputation right now... in fact, I think you know
him...

Yours, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

Thanks very much for beta-ing the story. It doesn't matter about you
telling Daniel, he's a good friend, unlike someone else I can think of.

> Also, I'm afraid that Jack has now found out that you sent the story
> to me and despite the fact that I assured him that you hadn't
> *claimed* the story as yours, he's now talking about plagiarism and
> positive that you only sent it to me out of revenge. I'm trying to
> calm him down (I figure it's the least I can do), as is Daniel by all
> accounts, but for the record, on sublevel 17 there's a door behind
> the closet in there that leads to an old bombshelter... might I
> suggest hiding?

I've already taken your advice and am currently in the bombshelter, not
because I'm frightened of him but because basically I have nothing to
say to a man that thinks with his %$£&@.

I think after you went to the trouble of beta-ing the story, I owe
you an explanation....

A little over three months ago, the colonel was stranded on an alien
planet called Adora. When it became apparent we weren't going to be
able to get him back easily (or soon) General Hammond posted him
MIA. As you can imagine, I was devastated. Just before the mission
we had started to become closer and I felt all kinds of
possibilities were opening up between us.

I worked night and day, often missing meals and sleep, building a
device to help us get him home. On a rare day off, I reread his
story (then known only as Jacksex) and wanted to share this loving,
tender, romantic man's thoughts with others. That was why I sent
it to you for beta-ing.

But how wrong I was - when we got to Adora, I was so pleased to see
him. I didn't know what to say first. I did what I always do when
I'm a little nervous, I started on a scientific explanation of how
we'd got back to the planet. I'd only just begun to speak when,
without saying a word, he turned and walked away, straight into
Lara's arms. I didn't know what was going on. Daniel had to spell
it out for me. "He didn't think he was coming home."
Then I realised - he'd shacked up with Lara at the drop of a hat
and didn't care about me any more, if he ever had. He's an
obnoxious, hard-hearted, two-timing bastard who deserves to
suffer. BTW, could you tell the list that I think some of their
suggested methods of torture were very inventive and I'd love
to try them out, particularly the one with the rusty spoon.

So, as I'm sure you can see, my reasons for wanting to share this
story are no longer valid. I would appreciate it if you would
delete it from your files.

I passed the message onto Martouf - he said "Aarrgghh!!", then
something about 'electric shocks', 'asylums' and 'fluffy bunny
rabbits'. Personally, I think he's lost the plot.

best wishes, Sam

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> > Thank you for your prompt reply.
> Well, I've got so many "@sgc.gov"'s in my inbox right now that if I
> don't reply to them immediately I'll start thinking that I work for
> the government! :)

If you don't mind me asking, who else has been writing to you?

> > > Yeah, that delete key can be nasty sometimes, can't it? :)
> > Particularly when *someone* tells you 'del' stands for 'deliver'.
> Gee, who was that? :)

Teal'c. Sometimes I worry about him.

> > Why? Was it *that* bad?
> *sigh* No, of course not! As I told Sam and Daniel, there was only
> one spelling mistake, and one phrase that I thought should be changed
> slightly. The rest was fantastic! I wish *I* could have written
> something like that!

Wow! Really? I'm very flattered you think so.

> > > No, no inconvenience, and Jack--go easy on her. :)
> > I haven't found her yet.....
> Well, when you *do* find her, go easy on her. :)

I'm sure she's here somewhere. And I've a feeling Daniel knows where
she is but he's still not speaking to me so I can't ask him.

> > I don't think he's very happy, but it's difficult
> > to be sure because he won't talk to me.
> Well, he *does* have a point Jack--even if it was just "lying
> around", that's not really an open invitation, now is it? :)

Sometimes I just can't help picking things up. It's a bad habit of mine.

> Funny, I think I've heard that before... *shakes head* Oh well, tell
> him it's completely safe to come back again now. We're destroying
> another man's reputation right now... in fact, I think you know
> him...

Please don't talk about Daniel behind his back... he got really upset
after that thing with Kira. He's an extremely sensitive person who
cares what others say about him. And it is the 'Sam' and 'Jack' list!

Yours, Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> > > mind me asking, where did you go? I know you're American, and
> > > from Colorado... :)
> > I don't remember telling you that......
> I'm psychic. :)

Really? That's an amazing gift you have there. Does Sam know about
this? I'm sure she'd like to study you.

> > I don't think you actually said, but I hoped you'd put it in. Thank
> > you!
> Quite alright! :) Have you received much feedback about it?

I've had a few mails. Everyone has been very nice.

> > > Basically, could you let Sam know that I finished beta'ing
> > > "Jacksex.doc" for her
> > What!!?!
> > > feeling the well-defined muscles shift under her touch."
> > Oh my goodness.......
> Why do I feel like slapping a big "oops" to my forehead? I take it
> you didn't know about this?

No, I didn't! Sounds an interesting story though. Did I mention that
no-one has let me read it?

> > > Oh, and as for a title suggestion, I think her idea of "New
> > > Ground" is *perfect*! Apparently there's an episode coming up
> > > with that title as well so I'll be interested in seeing if her
> > > story reflects any of what you guys will be showing us in a
> > > couple of weeks. ;)
> > I haven't actually read the story. I had a copy in my hand once but
> > Sam confiscated it. :-(
> Gee, that's too bad--it was a wonderful story. :)

Oh, sorry, I *did* mention it! I don't suppose you could send me a copy,
could you? I can't see Sam or Jack ever letting me see it and I'm dying
of curiosity.

> > However, I think I'm safe to say it'll be nothing like
> > the mission you're referring to. I have no intention of 'showing'
> > anyone anything!
> On behalf of shirtless-Daniel-lover's everywhere--*damn*!

What?... er... what?.... um... I'm very... *very*..... er..... <blush>

> Well Jack's already emailed me, and yes, I guessed that he'd been
> reading your emails (told him as much too!). Also, saying that he's
> "unhappy" I think is a slight understatement... if you see Sam, you
> might wanna suggest that she goes and hides. I know she has advanced
> level three hand-to-hand combat training but still...

She's currently taking refuge in a bomb shelter on level 17. Since our
last mission she hasn't been happy with Jack and has been avoiding
him anyway. After what she said earlier when I went to see her, I
think it's his safety you should be concerned about.

> > We thought you knew that we knew what you were discussing..... but
> > *how*?
> Like I said, I'm psychic. :)

I really must mention that to Sam.....

> Right now we're discussing the finer points of Jack's
> latest behaviour on mission

Yes, I know. It's been *enlightening*. He was kind of reticent about
what happened to him while he was stranded. I know he didn't expect
to get back but he was kind of rude to Sam when we went to fetch him.
I'm not surprised she's mad with him. Of course, I don't think he
realises what he's done...... he can be kind of clueless sometimes.

Regards, Dr. D.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Sam,

Glad you wrote back, I was starting to worry! :)

> Thanks very much for beta-ing the story.

Very welcome. :)

> It doesn't matter about you telling
> Daniel, he's a good friend, unlike someone else I can think of.

Hmm... now who could that be?

> I've already taken your advice and am currently in the bombshelter,
> not because I'm frightened of him but because basically I have
> nothing to say to a man that thinks with his %$£&@.

Well I'm glad you took your lap-top with you... however, don't *all*
men (at one time or another) think with their %$£&@?

> I think after you went to the trouble of beta-ing the story, I owe
> you an explanation....

Ok...

> General Hammond posted him MIA. As you can imagine, I was
> devastated. Just before the mission we had started to become
> closer and I felt all kinds of possibilities were opening up
> between us.

*sympathetic noise* Of course you were devastated... that's horrible.

> On a rare day off, I reread his story (then known only
> as Jacksex) and wanted to share this loving, tender, romantic
> man's thoughts with others. That was why I sent it to you for
> beta-ing.

Makes sense...

> But how wrong I was - when we got to Adora, I was so pleased to see
> him. I didn't know what to say first. I did what I always do when
> I'm a little nervous, I started on a scientific explanation of how
> we'd got back to the planet.

Happens to all of us Sam, and I'm sure after three months that a
completely understandable reaction.

> I'd only just begun to speak when, without saying a word, he turned
> and walked away, straight into Lara's arms. I didn't know what was
> going on. Daniel had to spell it out for me. "He didn't think he
> was coming home."

I had heard rumours about this...

> Then I realised - he'd shacked up with Lara at the drop of a hat

Three months isn't really a "drop of a hat" Sam...

> and didn't care about me any more, if he ever had.

Now I seriously doubt *that*.

> He's an obnoxious, hard-hearted, two-timing bastard who deserves
> to suffer.

*shudders* Ouch Sam--don't you think you're being a *little* harsh
there?

> BTW, could you tell the list that I think some of their suggested
> methods of torture were very inventive and I'd love to try them
> out, particularly the one with the rusty spoon.

Double-ouch! But I think you should let you know that the listmom's
have put a semi-ban on this kind of talk right now. Not that we don't
necessarily agree with it, but we're trying to keep the list pg. As
for the rusty spoon reference, well, that maybe a little over the
top... have you considered plain ol' fashioned revenge? ;)

> So, as I'm sure you can see, my reasons for wanting to share this
> story are no longer valid.

I suppose so...

> I would appreciate it if you would delete it from your files.

Sure, done, erased from my c: drive.

> I passed the message onto Martouf - he said "Aarrgghh!!", then
> something about 'electric shocks', 'asylums' and 'fluffy bunny
> rabbits'. Personally, I think he's lost the plot.

Deja'vu... oh, sorry. *shrugs* Well, the coast is clear for Martouf.
Jack, on the other hand, well that's a different story...

All the best, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Jack,

> > Well, I've got so many "@sgc.gov"'s in my inbox right now that if
> If you don't mind me asking, who else has been writing to you?

*cringes* Um, well... let's see, ah... Simmons! Yeah, Graham Simmons!
He discovered the list and archive by accident and got kinda upset by
all the "puppy-dog" mentions... he keeps sending me "true stories"
about how dog's are the best thing since sliced bread... especially
when their "owners" are females... well, it doesn't really matter.

> > Gee, who was that? :)
> Teal'c. Sometimes I worry about him.

LOL! Tell me, was he drinking coffee again?

> > slightly. The rest was fantastic! I wish *I* could have written
> > something like that!
> Wow! Really? I'm very flattered you think so.

Yes, really! :) It was great! :)

> > > I haven't found her yet.....
> > Well, when you *do* find her, go easy on her. :)
> I'm sure she's here somewhere. And I've a feeling Daniel knows
> where she is but he's still not speaking to me so I can't ask him.

Have you considered apologising? And not just for the whole "reading
his email" stuff?

> > Well, he *does* have a point Jack--even if it was just "lying
> > around", that's not really an open invitation, now is it? :)
> Sometimes I just can't help picking things up. It's a bad habit of
> mine.

Yeah, we've noticed that... ;)

> > him it's completely safe to come back again now. We're destroying
> > another man's reputation right now... in fact, I think you know
> > him...
> Please don't talk about Daniel behind his back... he got really
> upset after that thing with Kira. He's an extremely sensitive
> person who cares what others say about him. And it is the 'Sam'
> and 'Jack' list!

Hang on... oh. Yeah, sure--I'll tell the list to "stop talking about
Daniel"... but you know, there *are* other threads going at the
moment...

Yours, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Dr D,

Before I go any further--do *not* let anyone else see this email, do
*not* print it off... and *please* delete it as soon as you've read
it...

> > > I don't remember telling you that......
> > I'm psychic. :)
> Really? That's an amazing gift you have there. Does Sam know about
> this? I'm sure she'd like to study you.

*cough, cough* Well, the idea of "studying me" doesn't sound too
crash hot I'm afraid, but I am in contact with a doctor who's
"helping" me with it...

> > Quite alright! :) Have you received much feedback about it?
> I've had a few mails. Everyone has been very nice.

That's good. :) Have you considered penning another story?

> > Why do I feel like slapping a big "oops" to my forehead? I take
> > it you didn't know about this?
> No, I didn't! Sounds an interesting story though. Did I mention
> that no-one has let me read it?

It's very interesting...

> > Gee, that's too bad--it was a wonderful story. :)
> Oh, sorry, I *did* mention it! I don't suppose you could send me a
> copy, could you? I can't see Sam or Jack ever letting me see it
> and I'm dying of curiosity.

Well... *glances around nervously* Ok, well after all the trouble
I've caused, I figure this can't get any worse. Here's another
snippet from the story, but as I said before--delete as soon as you
read! Sam asked me to erase my copy of it, and I *did* remove my c:
drive version... *glances around again* but I *kinda* forgot to
remove it from my backup's and sent-box...

"Fleeting thoughts of the Air Force raced through his mind, the words
from various protocol's reminding him that sexual altercation's
between male and female officer's of any rank were officially
prohibited. A fitting warning to his quickly deteriorating thought
processes as his body identified only with the warm, able bodied,
attractive female above him.

She could feel his five o'clock shadow against her lips, the rough
stubble accented by the fading hint of aftershave and soap. Closing
her eyes, she bit at her lip. Not happening, she thought wildly, this
is *not* happening. Opening them again she unwillingly darted her
eyes to meet his, their faces shifting unknowingly with the optical
movement. They both froze, lips resting against each others in an
almost kiss. All of a sudden it was getting harder to breathe, she
thought almost incoherently, her mouth arid. Unthinkingly, she licked
her lips...

He was kissing her. All other thoughts had disappeared, leaving only
the pertinent information of what he was currently doing present in
his mind. He was kissing her... and she was kissing him back. Her
lips were smooth and soft, supple against his. Instinctively his arms
tightened around her waist, his hands moving to splay against her
back, holding her close. At his silent request, her lips parted, her
tongue reaching out to dance with his, their mouths moving against
each others in a primeval caress."

So, how was that? Satisfy your curiosity?

> > > 'showing' anyone anything!
> > On behalf of shirtless-Daniel-lover's everywhere--*damn*!
> What?... er... what?.... um... I'm very... *very*..... er.....
> <blush>

LOL! That's so cute! *coughs* Sorry Dr D, couldn't resist. But the
sentiment remains the same... *damn*!

> > might wanna suggest that she goes and hides. I know she has
> > advanced level three hand-to-hand combat training but still...
> She's currently taking refuge in a bomb shelter on level 17.

Gee, you have a bomb shelter in an underground base? *innocent look*

> Since our last mission she hasn't been happy with Jack and has been
> avoiding him anyway.

Yeah, I heard about that... not a pretty situation!

> After what she said earlier when I went to see her, I think it's
> his safety you should be concerned about.

Maybe we should warn him?

> > Like I said, I'm psychic. :)
> I really must mention that to Sam.....

Well, as I said, I'm already "seeing" a doctor... by the way, do you
know the lyric's to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"?

> > Right now we're discussing the finer points of Jack's
> > latest behaviour on mission
> Yes, I know. It's been *enlightening*. He was kind of reticent
> about what happened to him while he was stranded. I know he didn't
> expect to get back but he was kind of rude to Sam when we went to
> fetch him. I'm not surprised she's mad with him. Of course, I don't
> think he realises what he's done...... he can be kind of clueless
> sometimes.

I think those two need to sit down and *talk*... or apologise...
which ever comes first!

Later, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> > It doesn't matter about you telling
> > Daniel, he's a good friend, unlike someone else I can think of.
> Hmm... now who could that be?

I guess you've probably worked it out by now...

> > I've already taken your advice and am currently in the bombshelter,
> > not because I'm frightened of him but because basically I have
> > nothing to say to a man that thinks with his %$£&@.
> Well I'm glad you took your lap-top with you... however, don't *all*
> men (at one time or another) think with their %$£&@?

Well, yes.... even Daniel has had his moments.....

> > I didn't know what was going on. Daniel had to spell it out for
> > me. "He didn't think he was coming home."
> I had heard rumours about this...
> > Then I realised - he'd shacked up with Lara at the drop of a hat
> Three months isn't really a "drop of a hat" Sam...

It is as far as I'm concerned! He must have known I'd find a way to
get him back. Or send the Tok'ra or Tollans (or perhaps even the Nox)
to fetch him.

> > and didn't care about me any more, if he ever had.
> Now I seriously doubt *that*.
> > He's an obnoxious, hard-hearted, two-timing bastard who deserves
> > to suffer.
> *shudders* Ouch Sam--don't you think you're being a *little* harsh
> there?

No.

> > BTW, could you tell the list that I think some of their suggested
> > methods of torture were very inventive and I'd love to try them
> > out, particularly the one with the rusty spoon.
> Double-ouch! But I think you should let you know that the listmom's
> have put a semi-ban on this kind of talk right now. Not that we don't
> necessarily agree with it, but we're trying to keep the list pg. As
> for the rusty spoon reference, well, that maybe a little over the
> top... have you considered plain ol' fashioned revenge? ;)

No, most of my ideas have involved a certain degree of physical
violence. What did you have in mind? I'll consider *any* suggestions
so long as he suffers.

> > I would appreciate it if you would delete it from your files.
> Sure, done, erased from my c: drive.

Thank you.

> Deja'vu... oh, sorry. *shrugs* Well, the coast is clear for Martouf.
> Jack, on the other hand, well that's a different story...

Jack probably has no idea what they're saying. It's a shame I'm not
talking to him otherwise I'd tell him about it.

best wishes, Sam

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> > If you don't mind me asking, who else has been writing to you?
> *cringes* Um, well... let's see, ah... Simmons! Yeah, Graham Simmons!
> He discovered the list and archive by accident and got kinda upset by
> all the "puppy-dog" mentions... he keeps sending me "true stories"
> about how dog's are the best thing since sliced bread... especially
> when their "owners" are females... well, it doesn't really matter.

LOL! The list are right! He is just like a puppy-dog the way he moons
after Sam. That guy needs to get a life, she'll never think of him
like that. Though he's right about dogs being cool.

> > > Gee, who was that? :)
> > Teal'c. Sometimes I worry about him.
> LOL! Tell me, was he drinking coffee again?

Could have been. He's not been the same since Urgo made 'suggestions'.
He keeps bursting into song for no readily explained reason. I'm sick
to death of 'Row, row, row your boat'. And Janet's banned him from
the infirmary after the near miss with the defibrillator.

> > I'm sure she's here somewhere. And I've a feeling Daniel knows
> > where she is but he's still not speaking to me so I can't ask him.
> Have you considered apologising? And not just for the whole "reading
> his email" stuff?

I had decided I'd better apologise for the 'reading his e-mail' stuff.
On reflection, I guess that was kind of out of line. Now I've just got
to find him. But I didn't know I'd done anything else wrong. Have I?

> > Please don't talk about Daniel behind his back... he got really
> > upset after that thing with Kira. He's an extremely sensitive
> > person who cares what others say about him. And it is the 'Sam'
> > and 'Jack' list!
> Hang on... oh. Yeah, sure--I'll tell the list to "stop talking about
> Daniel"... but you know, there *are* other threads going at the
> moment...

Really, what about? I've been away for a while and have kind of lost
touch.

Yours, Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> > > I'm psychic. :)
> > Really? That's an amazing gift you have there. Does Sam know about
> > this? I'm sure she'd like to study you.
> *cough, cough* Well, the idea of "studying me" doesn't sound too
> crash hot I'm afraid, but I am in contact with a doctor who's
> "helping" me with it...

Would that be someone like Dr. Mackenzie? You have my sympathy, if it is.

> > > Quite alright! :) Have you received much feedback about it?
> > I've had a few mails. Everyone has been very nice.
> That's good. :) Have you considered penning another story?

I've considered it, just haven't had any ideas yet!

> > Oh, sorry, I *did* mention it! I don't suppose you could send me a
> > copy, could you? I can't see Sam or Jack ever letting me see it
> > and I'm dying of curiosity.
> Well... *glances around nervously* Ok, well after all the trouble
> I've caused, I figure this can't get any worse. Here's another
> snippet from the story, but as I said before--delete as soon as you
> read! Sam asked me to erase my copy of it, and I *did* remove my c:
> drive version... *glances around again* but I *kinda* forgot to
> remove it from my backup's and sent-box...
> "Fleeting thoughts of the Air Force raced through his mind,
<snip>
> So, how was that? Satisfy your curiosity?

Well, you've left me wanting more! I don't suppose you could send
me another snippet, could you?

> > She's currently taking refuge in a bomb shelter on level 17.
> Gee, you have a bomb shelter in an underground base? *innocent look*

Yes, strange isn't it? If a bomb penetrates 17 floors down, I don't think
a shelter is really going to do much good, do you?

> > Since our last mission she hasn't been happy with Jack and has been
> > avoiding him anyway.
> Yeah, I heard about that... not a pretty situation!
> > After what she said earlier when I went to see her, I think it's
> > his safety you should be concerned about.
> Maybe we should warn him?

A few minutes ago he found me on level 17, near the bomb shelter.
Fortunately, he was so busy trying to apologise for reading my e-mail
that he didn't ask what I was doing there. As he seemed genuinely sorry,
I accepted his apology. He then asked me where Sam was. When I pointed
out that she really didn't want to talk to him, he asked why. I thought
the easiest way to explain would be to let him read the list mails.
I've left him in the lab doing just that. I'm going home now, before
he finishes them.

You can call me a coward if you like. :-)

> > > Like I said, I'm psychic. :)
> > I really must mention that to Sam.....
> Well, as I said, I'm already "seeing" a doctor... by the way, do you
> know the lyric's to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"?

Yes, but I wish I didn't. Teal'c won't stop singing it!

> I think those two need to sit down and *talk*... or apologise...
> which ever comes first!

They need to do *something* - the combination of them fighting and Teal'c
singing is driving me mad.....

regards, Dr.D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Vanessa,

I have acquired your email designation from Daniel Jackson's files.
Recently, due to an outside source, I discovered the art of singing.
I have been attempting to show my new skills to my friends here at
the SGC but it appears that my choice of song (Row, Row, Row Your
Boat) is no longer appropriate. Since I am unfamiliar with what may
be considered appropriate here at the SGC, I thought to enlist your
help on this matter.

From Teal'c.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Teal'c,

> I have acquired your email designation from Daniel Jackson's files.

I have to ask--did you ask him first?

> Recently, due to an outside source, I discovered the art of
> singing.

So I heard--congratulations! You're very good! :)

> I have been attempting to show my new skills to my friends here at
> the SGC but it appears that my choice of song (Row, Row, Row Your
> Boat) is no longer appropriate. Since I am unfamiliar with what may
> be considered appropriate here at the SGC, I thought to enlist your
> help on this matter.

LOL! Sure. Um, off the top of my head, here's one of my all-time
favourites. Basically, as soon as you finish, start it again (it's
one of those repeating songs):

"This is the song that never ends
It just goes on and on my friends
Some people, started singing it not knowing what it was
And now they just singing it forever just because
This is the song that never ends..."

Hope they like this one better. ;)

All the best, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Sam,

How's the bombshelter? :)

> > Hmm... now who could that be?
> I guess you've probably worked it out by now...

LOL! Yes, I did figure it out. :)

> > Well I'm glad you took your lap-top with you... however, don't
> > *all* men (at one time or another) think with their %$£&@?
> Well, yes.... even Daniel has had his moments.....

I'd mention the "K-word" but I've already been warned against that.
;) And don't forget Sam, sometimes us women think with our
equivalent--this act of human nature doesn't necessarily mean that we
should kill each other!

> > Three months isn't really a "drop of a hat" Sam...
> It is as far as I'm concerned! He must have known I'd find a way to
> get him back. Or send the Tok'ra or Tollans (or perhaps even the
> Nox) to fetch him.

Well... yes... *sigh* human behaviour (specifically male behaviour)
sometimes just escapes logic... as a scientist you must realise this
as a proven fact!

> > *shudders* Ouch Sam--don't you think you're being a *little*
> > harsh there?
> No.

Oh-kay...

> > for the rusty spoon reference, well, that may be a little over
> > the top... have you considered plain ol' fashioned revenge? ;)
> No, most of my ideas have involved a certain degree of physical
> violence. What did you have in mind? I'll consider *any*
> suggestions so long as he suffers.

Geez, put me on the spot... well, I know some people would tell you
to do the same to him, but that may be a little rash... however,
whilst we're on this subject, you and Jack *do* have a history for
"socialising" with other people... perhaps you should both hurry up
and formalise something between you so that there is no longer any
questions regarding your "relationship". Then, maybe, he'd stop
thinking with his %$£&@ (at least, as far as anyone else is
concerned). And don't forget Sam, you have already "killed" him
twice... perhaps that's enough? Anyway, back to revenge... considering
one of the upsets was because of his story about the two of you,
perhaps you should consider writing a story about his behaviour and
how it affected you, and just how much grovelling he'll have to do
to make it up to you...

> > > I would appreciate it if you would delete it from your files.
> > Sure, done, erased from my c: drive.
> Thank you.

Uh, no problem.

> > Deja'vu... oh, sorry. *shrugs* Well, the coast is clear for
> > Martouf. Jack, on the other hand, well that's a different
> > story...
> Jack probably has no idea what they're saying. It's a shame I'm not
> talking to him otherwise I'd tell him about it.

Well... I think he's about to get an ear and eye-full... But the
talking thing *is* a good idea you know...

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Jack,

> > > If you don't mind me asking, who else has been writing to you?
> > *cringes* Um, well... let's see, ah... Simmons! Yeah, Graham
> LOL! The list are right! He is just like a puppy-dog the way he
> moons after Sam. That guy needs to get a life, she'll never think
> of him like that. Though he's right about dogs being cool.

And just who will she think of like that?

> > > Teal'c. Sometimes I worry about him.
> > LOL! Tell me, was he drinking coffee again?
> Could have been. He's not been the same since Urgo made
> 'suggestions'. He keeps bursting into song for no readily explained
> reason. I'm sick to death of 'Row, row, row your boat'. And
> Janet's banned him from the infirmary after the near miss with
> the defibrillator.

LOLOLOL! Maybe he doesn't know any other songs... have you considered
teaching him a new one?

> > Have you considered apologising? And not just for the whole
> > "reading his email" stuff?
> I had decided I'd better apologise for the 'reading his e-mail'
> stuff. On reflection, I guess that was kind of out of line.

That's good. :)

> Now I've just got to find
> him. But I didn't know I'd done anything else wrong. Have I?

Uh... well... maybe you should just talk to Daniel first.

> > Daniel"... but you know, there *are* other threads going at the
> > moment...
> Really, what about? I've been away for a while and have kind of
> lost touch.

*cough, cough* Apparently. Um, well... oh look, is that the time?
Sorry Jack--I really have to run.

Yours, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Dr D,

> > *cough, cough* Well, the idea of "studying me" doesn't sound too
> > crash hot I'm afraid, but I am in contact with a doctor who's
> > "helping" me with it...
> Would that be someone like Dr. Mackenzie? You have my sympathy, if
> it is.

Ah, no. I'm not big on psych-doctor's (long story, very boring). But
thanks for the sympathy.

> I've considered it, just haven't had any ideas yet!

*raises eyebrow* You basically "live" with them and you get no
idea's? *shakes head*

> > Well... *glances around nervously* Ok, well after all the trouble
> > I've caused, I figure this can't get any worse. Here's another
> > snippet from the story, but as I said before--delete as soon as
> > "Fleeting thoughts of the Air Force raced through his mind,
> <snip>
> > So, how was that? Satisfy your curiosity?
> Well, you've left me wanting more! I don't suppose you could send
> me another snippet, could you?

Um, well, ok, sure. Same rules apply:

"She moaned softly, freeing one of her hands from his shirt to grasp
his head and direct it back to hers, her lips seeking and claiming
his with an urgency that surprised them both. For a moment he was
reminded of another time, another kiss -- a hard and brutal kiss. But
as her lips softened against his, her tongue dancing erotically with
his, the memory of that long ago locker room faded; the past image of
a different, infected woman coarsely seducing her mate replaced with
this bewitching and erotic creature beneath him now."

How was that?

> > Gee, you have a bomb shelter in an underground base? *innocent
> > look*
> Yes, strange isn't it? If a bomb penetrates 17 floors down, I don't
> think a shelter is really going to do much good, do you?

Especially since the Base goes several floors below that... oh well,
must have been a government-design-flaw!

> > Maybe we should warn him?
> A few minutes ago he found me on level 17, near the bomb shelter.
> Fortunately, he was so busy trying to apologise for reading my
> e-mail that he didn't ask what I was doing there.

*phew* :)

> As he seemed genuinely sorry, I accepted his apology.

Well, I'm glad you've sorted things out between you.

> He then asked me where Sam was. When I pointed out
> that she really didn't want to talk to him, he asked why.
> I thought the easiest way to explain would be to let him read the
> list mails. I've left him in the lab doing just that. I'm going
> home now, before he finishes them.
> You can call me a coward if you like. :-)

LOL! No, I don't think you're a coward... safety-first has always
been a good motto IMO! Though I wonder what his reaction will be...

> > Well, as I said, I'm already "seeing" a doctor... by the way, do
> > you know the lyric's to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"?
> Yes, but I wish I didn't. Teal'c won't stop singing it!

Oh, ok. :) Just checking...

> > I think those two need to sit down and *talk*... or apologise...
> > which ever comes first!
> They need to do *something* - the combination of them fighting and
> Teal'c singing is driving me mad.....

My sympathies! I hope they work it out soon though... as much as I
love getting emails, all these government ones are kind of
worrying...

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Teal'c,

Listen, I hate to be a pain, but I just thought of something. Daniel
told me that he sent Jack to read the list emails on his recent
behaviour... however he also said he was about to go home... I think
there might also be a couple of emails in Daniel's inbox that Jack
*shouldn't* read. Is there any chance you can catch Daniel before he
leaves the Base? Or stop Jack?

Thanks, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Vanessa,

> > I have acquired your email designation from Daniel Jackson's files.
> I have to ask--did you ask him first?

I did not. Is that customary?

> > Recently, due to an outside source, I discovered the art of
> > singing.
> So I heard--congratulations! You're very good! :)

Thank you. That is most kind.

> > I thought to enlist your help on this matter.
> LOL! Sure. Um, off the top of my head, here's one of my all-time
> favourites. Basically, as soon as you finish, start it again (it's
> one of those repeating songs):
> "This is the song that never ends
> Hope they like this one better. ;)

I have already demonstrated it to Doctor Fraiser. She said she would
like to meet with you, as there is something she wishes to discuss.

From Teal'c

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

I've just read some of the recent list e-mails and wanted to let you
know I'm shocked and hurt. I only got halfway through when I had to
stop, I couldn't read any more. You were right when you said they
were destroying someone's reputation! It was me!

For crying out loud, Ness, it's the Sam and *Jack* list! I thought
they liked me, warts and all. I get stranded on Adora through no
fault of my own and it's character assassination time! They make me
sound like a man who thinks with his %$£&@. I'm not, really I'm not.
I only got involved with Lara because I thought I was never going to
get home, no hope of rescue. It wasn't like I leapt into bed with
her at the first available opportunity. If I'd wanted that I could
have done it the first day we were there. I saw the looks she was
giving me.

But as soon as I heard Teal'c over the radio I knew it was over and
when she caught up with me, she did too.

I really don't know what else to say to you, except that I have never
felt closer to Martouf.

I need to go somewhere quiet to think this through. If I remember
correctly, there's a disused bomb shelter on level 17, that should do.
I've got to go, I can hear Teal'c coming and I don't feel like
talking to him.

Oh..... that's just peachy..... what idiot taught him a never-ending
song?

Yours, Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Vanessa,

> Listen, I hate to be a pain, but I just thought of something. Daniel
> told me that he sent Jack to read the list emails on his recent
> behaviour... however he also said he was about to go home... I think
> there might also be a couple of emails in Daniel's inbox that Jack
> *shouldn't* read. Is there any chance you can catch Daniel before he
> leaves the Base? Or stop Jack?

When I received your e-mail, I went to find Daniel Jackson, but he had
already left the base. I then went in search of O'Neill but was also
unable to find him. I am sorry I could not be of more assistance.

Do you know any more songs? I find a varied repertoire is most satisfying.

from Teal'c

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> > I've considered it, just haven't had any ideas yet!
> *raises eyebrow* You basically "live" with them and you get no
> idea's? *shakes head*

It's thinking of an idea that won't upset either of them and isn't a
description of an actual mission that's the problem....

> > > So, how was that? Satisfy your curiosity?
> > Well, you've left me wanting more! I don't suppose you could send
> > me another snippet, could you?
> Um, well, ok, sure. Same rules apply:
> "She moaned softly,
<snip>
> How was that?

Very nice, thank you. Perhaps I ought to try an NC17.... after all, I
wouldn't really need a plot, would I?

> > You can call me a coward if you like. :-)
> LOL! No, I don't think you're a coward... safety-first has always
> been a good motto IMO! Though I wonder what his reaction will be...

I don't know. Teal'c just rang and told me about you mailing him. Don't
worry about the mails with the story snippets - I think Jack will be far
more concerned about what the list are saying about him. Teal'c says he's
gone missing - he's probably sulking somewhere. But as a precaution I'm
staying at home with the door locked!

> > > Well, as I said, I'm already "seeing" a doctor... by the way, do
> > > you know the lyric's to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"?
> > Yes, but I wish I didn't. Teal'c won't stop singing it!
> Oh, ok. :) Just checking...

Teal'c has learnt a new 'never-ending' song. He sang it to me over the
phone. If I ever find out who taught it to him, they'll get a piece
of my mind.....

regards, Dr.D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> > > have you considered plain ol' fashioned revenge? ;)
> > No, most of my ideas have involved a certain degree of physical
> > violence. What did you have in mind? I'll consider *any*
> > suggestions so long as he suffers.
> Geez, put me on the spot... well, I know some people would tell you
> to do the same to him, but that may be a little rash...

Yes, and I don't know anyone else I even feel remotely attracted
to.....

> however,
> whilst we're on this subject, you and Jack *do* have a history for
> "socialising" with other people... perhaps you should both hurry up
> and formalise something between you so that there is no longer any
> questions regarding your "relationship". Then, maybe, he'd stop
> thinking with his %$£&@ (at least, as far as anyone else is
> concerned).

I agree that we need to talk but I'm betting he has no idea he's upset me.

> Anyway, back to revenge... considering one of the upsets was because
> of his story about the two of you, perhaps you should consider
> writing a story about his behaviour and how it affected you, and just
> how much grovelling he'll have to do to make it up to you...

I think I may do that! If for no other reason than to try and sort out
exactly how I feel. Even if I don't show it to him, it might help me make
sense of things.

Over the last few hours, I've thought long and hard about what you've
said and I think you could be right. I was perhaps a little hasty
in condemning Jack. I don't feel angry any more, just sad that yet
another wedge has been driven between us.

I've got to go, I think I heard someone at the door. I guess it must
be Daniel.

best wishes, Sam

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Teal'c,

> > > I have acquired your email designation from Daniel Jackson's
> > > files.
> > I have to ask--did you ask him first?
> I did not. Is that customary?

Well... Daniel seems to have this thing about people going through
his stuff from what I can tell. :)

> > So I heard--congratulations! You're very good! :)
> Thank you. That is most kind.

You're very welcome. :)

> > "This is the song that never ends
> > Hope they like this one better. ;)
> I have already demonstrated it to Doctor Fraiser. She said she
> would like to meet with you, as there is something she wishes to
> discuss.

LOL! Really? Did she say what about? *innocent look*

> > *shouldn't* read. Is there any chance you can catch Daniel before
> > he leaves the Base? Or stop Jack?
> When I received your e-mail, I went to find Daniel Jackson, but he
> had already left the base. I then went in search of O'Neill but was
> also unable to find him. I am sorry I could not be of more
> assistance.

*sigh* That's ok... I'm sure everything will be "ok"... hopefully...

> Do you know any more songs? I find a varied repertoire is most
> satisfying.

Ah... well I know a lot of songs... what sort would you like to
learn? More "repeating" song? Nursery rhymes? Current hits?
Show-tunes? Give me a "genre" and I'll send you a list. :)

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Jack,

> I've just read some of the recent list e-mails

*wince*

> and wanted to let you know I'm shocked and hurt. I only got halfway
> through when I had to stop, I couldn't read any more. You were
> right when you said they were destroying someone's reputation!
> It was me!

Well... I did try and "warn" you...

> For crying out loud, Ness, it's the Sam and *Jack* list!

Well, yes.

> I thought they liked me, warts and all.

They do... warts?!

> I get stranded on Adora through no fault of my own
> and it's character assassination time! They make me sound
> like a man who thinks with his %$£&@. I'm not, really I'm not.

Ok...

> I only got involved with Lara because I thought I was never going
> to get home, no hope of rescue. It wasn't like I leapt into bed
> with her at the first available opportunity. If I'd wanted that I
> could have done it the first day we were there. I saw the looks
> she was giving me. But as soon as I heard Teal'c over the radio I
> knew it was over and when she caught up with me, she did too.

Well, when you explain it *that* way... but listen, maybe you
shouldn't be telling *me* this. If you'd read all of the emails, then
you would have noticed that the main reason the list is upset with
you is because of your treatment to *Sam*. Have you considered
*apologising* to *her* for what happened? I mean, come on! The woman
rewrote the laws of physic's to bring you home--that's no mean feat!

> I really don't know what else to say to you, except that I have
> never felt closer to Martouf.

What?! LOL! Ohmygod...

> I need to go somewhere quiet to think this through. If I remember
> correctly, there's a disused bomb shelter on level 17, that should
> do. I've got to go,

A bombshelter, huh? *cough, cough* Fancy there being one of those on
Base... Um... have fun?

> I can hear Teal'c coming and I don't feel like talking to him.
> Oh..... that's just peachy..... what idiot taught him a
> never-ending song?

Really? Never-ending song? Sounds... repetitive? :)

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Dr D,

> > *raises eyebrow* You basically "live" with them and you get no
> > idea's? *shakes head*
> It's thinking of an idea that won't upset either of them and isn't
> a description of an actual mission that's the problem....

You could always send it in under an alias... that way they wouldn't
know it was you.

> > Um, well, ok, sure. Same rules apply:
> > "She moaned softly,
> > How was that?
> Very nice, thank you. Perhaps I ought to try an NC17.... after
> all, I wouldn't really need a plot, would I?

*grin* Well, I know most people consider the whole point of an NC17
to be a PWP. :)

> > LOL! No, I don't think you're a coward... safety-first has always
> > been a good motto IMO! Though I wonder what his reaction will
> > be...
> I don't know. Teal'c just rang and told me about you mailing him.
> Don't worry about the mails with the story snippets - I think Jack
> will be far more concerned about what the list are saying about
> him.

Phew! :)

> Teal'c says he's
> gone missing - he's probably sulking somewhere. But as a precaution
> I'm staying at home with the door locked!

Actually, might I suggest you return to the Base? I got an email from
Jack a few minutes ago and apparently he's quite upset and is going
off to find some peace and quiet so he can recover from what the list
said (a la Martouf-under-a-table). Unfortunately... he remembered
hearing about an unused bombshelter on sublevel 17...
I think it's safe to say that the showdown is about to occur... you
might wanna spectate...

> > > Yes, but I wish I didn't. Teal'c won't stop singing it!
> > Oh, ok. :) Just checking...
> Teal'c has learnt a new 'never-ending' song. He sang it to me over
> the phone. If I ever find out who taught it to him, they'll get a
> piece of my mind.....

*cough, cough* Really? Is it that bad?

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Sam,

> > Geez, put me on the spot... well, I know some people would tell
> > you to do the same to him, but that may be a little rash...
> Yes, and I don't know anyone else I even feel remotely attracted
> to.....

Well, I have to say it--that's reassuring! :)

> > questions regarding your "relationship". Then, maybe, he'd stop
> > thinking with his %$£&@ (at least, as far as anyone else is
> > concerned).
> I agree that we need to talk but I'm betting he has no idea he's
> upset me.

Well... actually, I think he might by now...

> > of his story about the two of you, perhaps you should consider
> > writing a story about his behaviour and how it affected you, and
> I think I may do that! If for no other reason than to try and sort
> out exactly how I feel. Even if I don't show it to him, it might
> help me make sense of things.

Writing can be very therapeutic. Trust me. :)

> Over the last few hours, I've thought long and hard about what
> you've said and I think you could be right. I was perhaps a little
> hasty in condemning Jack. I don't feel angry any more, just sad
> that yet another wedge has been driven between us.

I'm glad you've had a chance to think it all through Sam, that's
great. And I'm glad I could help (despite everything!). I'm sure
everything will work out between the two of you. :)

Oh, and Sam. If someone comes to...

> I've got to go, I think I heard someone at the door. I guess it
> must be Daniel.

Uh. Never mind.

Good luck!

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> > It's thinking of an idea that won't upset either of them and isn't
> > a description of an actual mission that's the problem....
> You could always send it in under an alias... that way they wouldn't
> know it was you.

That's a good idea! Now what could I call myself? Any suggestions?

> > Very nice, thank you. Perhaps I ought to try an NC17.... after
> > all, I wouldn't really need a plot, would I?
> *grin* Well, I know most people consider the whole point of an NC17
> to be a PWP. :)

True! ;-) I'll start thinking about it! Thanks for the advice.

> > Teal'c says he's
> > gone missing - he's probably sulking somewhere. But as a precaution
> > I'm staying at home with the door locked!
> Actually, might I suggest you return to the Base? I got an email from
> Jack a few minutes ago and apparently he's quite upset and is going
> off to find some peace and quiet so he can recover from what the list
> said (a la Martouf-under-a-table). Unfortunately... he remembered
> hearing about an unused bombshelter on sublevel 17...

Oh...... my........

> I think it's safe to say that the showdown is about to occur... you
> might wanna spectate...

....God. I'll get straight back to the SGC, otherwise SG1 might
become a two man team.

> > Teal'c has learnt a new 'never-ending' song. He sang it to me over
> > the phone. If I ever find out who taught it to him, they'll get a
> > piece of my mind.....
> *cough, cough* Really? Is it that bad?

Yes, it is. I think I preferred 'Row, row, row, your boat'.

regards, Dr.D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Vanessa,

> > I did not. Is that customary?
> Well... Daniel seems to have this thing about people going through
> his stuff from what I can tell. :)

What thing is that? I do not believe I have ever seen it.

> > I have already demonstrated it to Doctor Fraiser. She said she
> > would like to meet with you, as there is something she wishes to
> > discuss.
> LOL! Really? Did she say what about? *innocent look*

I do not believe she said but I understand it is a serious matter.

> > When I received your e-mail, I went to find Daniel Jackson, but he
> > had already left the base. I then went in search of O'Neill but was
> > also unable to find him. I am sorry I could not be of more
> > assistance.
> *sigh* That's ok... I'm sure everything will be "ok"... hopefully...

Do you have a problem, Vanessa Nichols? Could I be of help?

> > Do you know any more songs? I find a varied repertoire is most
> > satisfying.
> Ah... well I know a lot of songs... what sort would you like to
> learn? More "repeating" song? Nursery rhymes? Current hits?
> Show-tunes? Give me a "genre" and I'll send you a list. :)

I think current hits would be appropriate. Cassandra listens to that
type of music. Thank you.

From Teal'c

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Dr D,

> > You could always send it in under an alias... that way they
> > wouldn't know it was you.
> That's a good idea! Now what could I call myself? Any suggestions?

Um... Simmons, Martouf...? I doubt they'd associate those names with
you... ;)

> > *grin* Well, I know most people consider the whole point of an
> > NC17 to be a PWP. :)
> True! ;-) I'll start thinking about it! Thanks for the advice.

Not a problem. :) I look forward to what you come up with! :)

> > I think it's safe to say that the showdown is about to occur...
> > you might wanna spectate...
> ....God. I'll get straight back to the SGC, otherwise SG1 might
> become a two man team.

Now *that* would be a tragedy!

> > *cough, cough* Really? Is it that bad?
> Yes, it is. I think I preferred 'Row, row, row, your boat'.

LOL! :) Oh well, maybe he'll find a new song soon. :)

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

I think you ought to know it wasn't Daniel at the door, it was Jack.
I wasn't going to allow him over the threshold but he did his 'cute
little boy with the adorable brown eyes' thing and I just turned
to mush and let him in.

He said he'd come down here because he needed somewhere quiet to
think. As I came down here to get away from him, I guess I really
ought to go but I don't like leaving him like this. He's not himself,
he's hardly spoken since he arrived. I wonder what's upset him?

> > I agree that we need to talk but I'm betting he has no idea he's
> > upset me.
> Well... actually, I think he might by now...

He's not said anything.

> > Even if I don't show it to him, it might help me make sense of
> > things.
> Writing can be very therapeutic. Trust me. :)

I'm definitely going to try it. Thanks for the advice.

> I'm glad you've had a chance to think it all through Sam, that's
> great. And I'm glad I could help (despite everything!). I'm sure
> everything will work out between the two of you. :)

I hope so. He certainly doesn't seem mad at me which is a start.
Now I just need to get him to talk.

I'm going to have to go, Jack has asked if he can borrow my laptop.

best wishes, Sam

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

> Well... I did try and "warn" you...

Sometimes I need things spelling out in words of one syllable. I don't
think you were obvious enough. Anyway, I'm now in the bomb shelter I
told you about.

> > I thought they liked me, warts and all.
> They do... warts?!

Figure of speech! (You're beginning to sound like Teal'c.....)

> Well, when you explain it *that* way... but listen, maybe you
> shouldn't be telling *me* this. If you'd read all of the emails, then
> you would have noticed that the main reason the list is upset with
> you is because of your treatment to *Sam*. Have you considered
> *apologising* to *her* for what happened? I mean, come on! The woman
> rewrote the laws of physic's to bring you home--that's no mean feat!

I know, you're right. And by sheer coincidence she's here with me in the
bomb shelter. I can't imagine why she was in here, but I'm glad she is.
She's been kind enough to let me use her laptop.

> > I really don't know what else to say to you, except that I have
> > never felt closer to Martouf.
> What?! LOL! Ohmygod...

The poor man went to hell and back..... he has my utter and total
respect (as long as he leaves Sam alone).

> > I can hear Teal'c coming and I don't feel like talking to him.
> > Oh..... that's just peachy..... what idiot taught him a
> > never-ending song?
> Really? Never-ending song? Sounds... repetitive? :)

It is. Very.

Thanks for listening, Ness. You've been great. Now I've got to talk
to Sam.

Yours, Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Teal'c,

> > Well... Daniel seems to have this thing about people going
> What thing is that? I do not believe I have ever seen it.

What? Oh, well... I don't think I've seen it either, just heard
rumours... ;)

> > LOL! Really? Did she say what about? *innocent look*
> I do not believe she said but I understand it is a serious matter.

*nods seriously* I'm sure it is.

> > *sigh* That's ok... I'm sure everything will be "ok"...
> > hopefully...
> Do you have a problem, Vanessa Nichols? Could I be of help?

I think the situation may have resolved it self already *crosses
fingers* but thanks very much for the offer! :)

> > > Do you know any more songs? I find a varied repertoire is most
> > > satisfying.
> > Ah... well I know a lot of songs... what sort would you like to
> > learn? More "repeating" song? Nursery rhymes? Current hits?
> > Show-tunes? Give me a "genre" and I'll send you a list. :)
> I think current hits would be appropriate. Cassandra listens to
> that type of music. Thank you.

Well, just before I got your email, this song came onto the radio and
I immediately thought of you Teal'c... ;) It's by Shania Twain...

******
Lets go girls, come on
I'm going out tonight, I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice
Yeah I wanna scream and shout
No inhibitions, make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and
Oh oh oh go totally crazy, forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts, short skirts
Oh oh oh get in the action, feel the attraction
Colour my hair, do what I dare
Oh oh oh I wanna be free, yeah to feel the way I feel
Man, I feel like a woman
The girls need a break, tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance, we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and
Oh oh oh go totally crazy, forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts, short skirts
Oh oh oh get in the action, feel the attraction
Colour my hair, do what I dare
Oh oh oh I wanna be free, yeah to feel the way I feel
Man, I feel like a woman
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and
Oh oh oh go totally crazy, forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts, short skirts
Oh oh oh get in the action, feel the attraction
Colour my hair, do what I dare
Oh oh oh I wanna be free, yeah to feel the way I feel
Man, I feel like a woman
I get totally crazy, can you feel it
Come come come on baby
I feel like a woman
******

Later, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Sam,

> I think you ought to know it wasn't Daniel at the door, it was
> Jack. I wasn't going to allow him over the threshold but he did
> his 'cute little boy with the adorable brown eyes' thing and I just
> turned to mush and let him in.

:)

> He said he'd come down here because he needed somewhere quiet to
> think. As I came down here to get away from him, I guess I really
> ought to go but I don't like leaving him like this. He's not
> himself, he's hardly spoken since he arrived. I wonder what's
> upset him?

Well, Daniel wrote to me a little while ago and said that he'd given
Jack some of the latest listmail to read. I think Jack's a bit upset
by all the character assassination that's been going on about him.

> > Well... actually, I think he might by now...
> He's not said anything.

Perhaps if you broach the above subject with him, he will.

> > Writing can be very therapeutic. Trust me. :)
> I'm definitely going to try it. Thanks for the advice.

No problem. :) I look forward to seeing what you write. :)

> I hope so. He certainly doesn't seem mad at me which is a start.
> Now I just need to get him to talk.

Be gentle. ;)

Later, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Jack,

> > Well... I did try and "warn" you...
> Sometimes I need things spelling out in words of one syllable. I
> don't think you were obvious enough. Anyway, I'm now in the bomb
> shelter I told you about.

I'll try and be more obvious in the future. :) How's the company?

> > > I thought they liked me, warts and all.
> > They do... warts?!
> Figure of speech! (You're beginning to sound like Teal'c.....)

*phew* That's a relief, Jack... you had me worried for a second! And
what's wrong with sounding like Teal'c? Apparently he has a lovely
voice...

> > you is because of your treatment to *Sam*. Have you considered
> > *apologising* to *her* for what happened? I mean, come on! The
> > woman rewrote the laws of physic's to bring you home--that's no
> > mean feat!
> I know, you're right. And by sheer coincidence she's here with me
> in the bomb shelter. I can't imagine why she was in here, but I'm
> glad she is. She's been kind enough to let me use her laptop.

Well *talk* to her!

> > > I really don't know what else to say to you, except that I have
> > > never felt closer to Martouf.
> > What?! LOL! Ohmygod...
> The poor man went to hell and back..... he has my utter and total
> respect (as long as he leaves Sam alone).

Jack--you went there too... does this mean that you should leave Sam
alone? ;)

> Thanks for listening, Ness. You've been great. Now I've got to talk
> to Sam.

Hope it all goes well for you both Jack. :)

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

I just thought I'd let you know that I'm back at the SGC and have
visited the bomb shelter on level 17. When I knocked on the door,
Jack yelled, "For crying out loud, can't we have some peace?"
To which Sam added, "Go away, whoever you are!"

I don't have a clue what they're doing in there but at least they are
both still alive. I'm staying nearby in case of emergency.

BTW, Teal'c has now started singing 'Man, I feel like a Woman' (the
Shania Twain song). I'm quite worried about this and am
considering reporting the matter to Doctor Mackenzie. What I find
*really* scary is the fact that he knows all the words.....

regards, Dr. D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Ness,

Jack and I would like to tell you that we have been talking for a
while and I think we have finally resolved our differences. I
understand that he never thought he'd get home and he now knows how
much I missed him. You'll be pleased to know we haven't shouted at
each other once.

We'd both like to thank you for your advice and encouragement at this
difficult time. You've been great. I think we owe you an apology for
filling up your mailbox. Sorry! Oh, and I still intend writing that
story when I find the time and Jack says he's going to write a
sequel to Jacksex.

Daniel keeps banging on the door and asking if we're OK. I wish he'd
go away, we'd like to spend some time alone together now we're not
yelling at each other. Jack swears blind he can hear Teal'c singing
'Man I Feel Like a Woman' - personally, I think the strain has been
too much for him and he's started to hear things. I mean, why on
earth would Teal'c sing *that*? Stuff like 'Ten Green Bottles' I'd
believe, but Shania Twain? There's as much chance of him taking
up line dancing...

I suppose I should thank the list for finally forcing us to talk to
each other, but could you tell your members that if they *ever* upset
Jack like that again, I'll make them live to regret it.....

your friends, Sam and Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Dr D.,

> I just thought I'd let you know that I'm back at the SGC and have
> visited the bomb shelter on level 17. When I knocked on the door,
> Jack yelled, "For crying out loud, can't we have some peace?"
> To which Sam added, "Go away, whoever you are!"
> I don't have a clue what they're doing in there but at least they
> are both still alive. I'm staying nearby in case of emergency.

*smile* Well I'm glad it's all worked out then. :)

> BTW, Teal'c has now started singing 'Man, I feel like a Woman' (the
> Shania Twain song). I'm quite worried about this and am considering
> reporting the matter to Doctor Mackenzie. What I find *really*
> scary is the fact that he knows all the words.....

*chuckle* Nice song. :) I think Doctor Mackenzie may be a bit
harsh--it's probably just a phase Teal'c's going through. :)
By the way, I'm going on holidays from my email for... a long time.
There's a reason why I usually leave off from replying for weeks on
end, and it's not *always* because of RL or the archive... mainly, I
think, it's to avoid emailing sessions like what we just went
through. ;)

I'll talk to you later (much later!). :)

Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi guys,

> Jack and I would like to tell you that we have been talking for a
> while and I think we have finally resolved our differences.

That's great--I'm glad you both sorted everything out. :)

> We'd both like to thank you for your advice and encouragement at
> this difficult time. You've been great.

You're both welcome.

> I think we owe you an apology for filling up your mailbox. Sorry!

That's alright--I'm taking a holiday, effective immediately, from
anymore emails. Send all you want.

> Oh, and I still intend writing that story when I
> find the time and Jack says he's going to write a sequel to
> Jacksex.

I can't wait to see the results.

> Daniel keeps banging on the door and asking if we're OK. I wish
> he'd go away, we'd like to spend some time alone together now
> we're not yelling at each other.

He's just concerned about you both, don't mind him.

> Jack swears blind he can hear Teal'c singing 'Man I Feel Like a
> Woman' - personally, I think the strain has been too much for him
> and he's started to hear things. I mean, why on earth would Teal'c
> sing *that*? Stuff like 'Ten Green Bottles' I'd believe, but
> Shania Twain? There's as much chance of him taking up line
> dancing...

Line dancing, huh? I'll have to remember that one... But yeah, the
strain is probably getting to Jack. :)

> I suppose I should thank the list for finally forcing us to talk to
> each other, but could you tell your members that if they *ever*
> upset Jack like that again, I'll make them live to regret it.....

Well, just make sure you guys don't give us reason to! :)

Always, Ness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Ness,

You are one twisted, sick individual! A never-ending song and than
Shania Twain? How could you! On one hand: *g*, on the other: *grr*!
Just for the record: Sam and Jack eventually emerged from the
bombshelter. They stayed in there for several hours, according to
Daniel, but there were no injuries or wounds except the mental ones
they'd already inflicted on each other thank god. They had decided to
forgive each other for all the necessary stuff, and were back to
talking again, but there was a slightly reserved edge that only
escalated when they had their next mission...

And, as always, here *is* the latest mission overview for the list,
and some points that you guys might want to speculate on. It'll take
me a couple of days to round up the necessary security-camera and
MALP footage so expect those files ASAP--Simmons (who usually gathers
the media for me) has been rather distracted recently and for some
reason has become prone to quoting the movie "101 Dalmatians" at the
drop of a hat. I have to admit--I'm getting kinda worried about him! *g*

A lot of this is speculation and hearsay as I didn't have a lot of
input towards the mission. I could only use my eavesdropping skills
for the most part so forgive if anything's a little off.

Basically Jack suddenly decided that being Mr-Nice-Guy was no longer
a fun deal and stole the Tollan device that deactivates weapons. As a
result, he got offered early retirement (or a court martial - no
choice, really!). Along the way, he's basically a real bastard to
everyone (including Sam!) and Daniel (who visited him at home to see
if he was ok) apparently got a real ear-full. Of course, since his
new personality was just what Maybourne loves to see, Jack got
recruited to command a unit stealing alien technology. Jack, of
course, asked Hammond for one last favour, and that was that he
wanted to retire off world to Adora. We all saw him go, everyone
saluting and whatnot, but apparently the moment he arrived on Adora
he turned around 'gated off to another planet. On this new planet,
Jack met his new team (who had a female engineer who reminded him of
Sam apparently, since she was always spouting off scientific
mumbo-jumbo!) and they stole an Asgard disappearing device. Told that
they'd pass it back to earth via a mole in one of the SG teams, Jack
volunteered for the mission and 'gated to the 'drop point'. No sooner
had he hidden the device, but SG1 (now under Makepeace's command)
came through the Stargate and voila! the mole (Colonel Makepeace) was
revealed. Back with his team, an Asgard ship showed up and Jack
promptly told his new team to follow him to the SGC or be dealt with
by the Asgard. They chose the SGC and were promptly arrested (as well
as Makepeace). When Daniel asked for an explanation, Jack and Hammond
explained that the Tollans and Asgard had complained that they were
having technology stolen by SGC personnel and that the Tollans,
Asgard and Nox were going to break off ties with earth. So Jack and
Hammond came up with their plan to infiltrate the 'bad guys' and the
Asgard insisted that Jack had to be the one to carry it out. Sam,
Daniel and Teal'c weren't told so their reactions would be right.
However, it should be noted that when Jack announced 'I'm back', the
look on Sam's face said it all. *g*

But rest assured, unlike last time (where Sam and Jack both just got
angry at each other, etc) this time they quickly sat down and talked
once everything was all over. The general gist of their conversation
(hey, if they're gonna talk in the infirmary then I really have no
choice *but* to hear them...) was this:

On Adora, Jack did not go and see Lara, as Sam had suspected. In
fact, the only reason he chose that planet to 'gate to was because
he knew people would think badly of him for going there (which was
the whole point, really). Also, when he was watching them at the
'drop point', he'd basically focused on Sam the whole time with his
telescope-thingy (sorry, can't remember the actual name!) because he
was really worried that she would turn out to be the mole! And he
also apologised for being such a jerk to her in the hallway earlier,
when he said that he hadn't been himself since he'd known her (of
course, he also said that he kinda *did* mean what he'd said as she'd
definitely 'improved him' since they'd known each other!). And on the
switch side, Sam also apologised for doubting him (you should have
seen her in the initial debriefing after Jack stole the Tollan
device--she was *not* a happy camper!).

So there you have it! *g*

Also, Martouf came by the SGC the other day and I overheard him
telling Daniel, Sam and Jack that he was feeling much better now,
thoroughly enjoying the current list discussions, and wanted to thank
you for your concern. As they wandered off, however, I overheard
Daniel, Sam and Jack all muttering something about
fluffy-bunny-rabbits... personally, I think they've lost the plot.

Anyway, that's it from me.

Janet.

PS. Just so you know: Daniel mentioned to Sam that you said you were
psychic and that's how you knew so much about what they all did.
Needless to say, Sam thought about this for awhile and now she's
convinced that you're another Urgo. She's been blasting the whole
base with EM pulses ever since but the only effect that's had (to my
knowledge) is that it's given General Hammond a headache. If only
they knew the truth... *g*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.