"April Fools" By Lori

Title: April Fools

Author: Lori

Rating: R talk only.

Archive: yes to Sam & Jack, Heliopolis anyone else ask.

Notes: Teal'c is a little confused about playing jokes.

Date: April 3, 1999

The series "STARGATE SG-1" including the characters, names, titles, and back story, are the sole copyright property of MGM, Gekko Film Corp.,Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions. This fictional story is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. This story property of the author. Comments welcome. Please, e-mail me at: lordav@netonecom.net

APRIL FOOLS--Jack's story

I knew I should never have let Daniel explain it to Teal'c but he was so confused. Last year was a mess, someone had glued all the tools in the lab to the desk; spiked the big coffee urn in the mess hall; and finally some had turned up the heat in the facility. Poor Danny, drunk as a skunk, stripped all his clothes off to a rather seductive song on a table in the mess hall.

Now mind you, I may have been responsible for some of that stuff but not all of it. Granted I should have stopped Danny before he flashed all those nurses. Who knew that those under grad girls would be visiting? He was a very popular guy for a while. He even shared with me. But that's another story.

I really don't think it was fair of General Hammond to banish us to P4X199 this year. All we could see from the probe was sand and more sand. I objected. "There really doesn't look like there is anything worth sending us there for, sir."

"You'll go where I send you. Is that clear, Colonel!" He paused a moment. "Call it General's Revenge. I won't have you wreaking havoc this year."

As said before, I should never let Daniel explain to Teal'c.

***

We arrived on P4X199. The probe was right, there was sand and lots of it. It was terribly hot and arid. I sent Carter and myself out on patrol and left the other two set up base camp not far from the gate.

Big mistake. This is when Teal'c started to execute his plan.

Carter and I returned just about dusk. As with any desert, when the sun goes down temp begins to drop. We made a campfire and cooked dinner. I was the first to notice Daniel could not stop sneezing.

After several bless you, I asked. "Daniel, there is nothing on this planet to make you sneeze."

"Except Sam," He replied between sneezes. "Your cat must have rubbed up against you."

'Lucky cat!' I thought.

"Daniel, why don't you pop a pill?" I told him more than asked. "You do have some for your allergies, right?"

"I already did but it's not helping."

He excused himself and went to his tent. All the sneezing was making him drowsy. It wasn't long before the rest of followed to our own tents. Teal'c volunteered for the first watch.

I slipped off my jacket, boots, and pants. I took a swig from the canteen by my bedside. I tucked myself. God, I hated sleeping alone. I started thinking about Sam. Samantha is like a delicate rose, beautiful to the eye and sweet to the smell.

Wow is it hot in here. I finished off my canteen. All that thinking about Sam had me pretty horny. I had better think about something else. She has thorns just like a rose too. The biggest being those darn air force regulations. I'm her CO. Damn!

"Knock, knock, Sir." It was Sam.

"Come in, Captain." I rolled on to my side hoping to hide my arousal. "What can I do for you?"

"Share." I raised my eyebrows. She got it. "Something spilt all over my sleeping bag. I can't sleep with Daniel because of the cat hair on my clothes."

Good thing I wouldn't want to have to beat the weasel up in the morning.

"Well, sir, can I get in with you?"

I opened the blanket just a little to invite her in. I had forgotten about my hard on. She sat with her back to me. I watched as she pulled her boots off. She took her jacket off and slipped into bed. She spooned against me. I put my around her waist without thinking.

Oh God, I know I complained earlier but not even special force's training can help me now. I can't get rid of this damn erection.

"Sir?"

"It's my side arm. I swear." She giggled. That's good she's not mad. Not good, with every giggle she touches me. "No giggling."

She rolled on to her back. My hand was on her belly, now. She was so warm.

"Is that because of me?" She glanced down at the blanket.

"Sorry. I can't help it." She smiled. "I can sleep the other way if I'm bugging you?"

"If you want." I rolled over with my back to her. She rolled over and spoons me. She draped her around my waist. Her hand is so close it. My body twitched. She's closer. Damn it! If that thing doesn't have a mind of it's own.

I can't sleep. I can't relax. I can feel her breath on my neck. I was holding her hand now in fear my body would betray me.

I slipped out of bed trying not to wake her. I went outside to relieve myself.

I saw Teal'c smiling ear to ear. "What's with you?" I asked hoping he hadn't notice I was still as hard as a rock.

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

"What?"

"I have ensured that you and Captain Carter would have an enjoyable evening." He replied dryly.

"What? How?" I raised my voice.

"I intentionally rubbed the cat against Daniel Jackson's clothing. It was I who spilt the water on Captain Carter's bedding. And finally, I slipped Viagra in your canteen."

"WHAT!" I yelled.

Sam and Daniel were standing aside me. From there expression they heard his whole confession.

"It is April 1st. Is not your custom to play jokes on one another?"

"Yes, it is." Daniel started. I glared at him. He knew he screwed up when he explained it. "We usually don't do things that might hurt anyone, though."

"I see. I am sorry. I meant no harm." He paused and looked at Sam and me. "I truly wished to see you both happy. It is obvious that you are attracted to each other."

I looked down and then back at him. "It's the damn Viagra!"

"It was not your condition that brought me to this conclusion. It is the way you both act around each other. Captain, you have a smile that you only show O'Neill. I have seen this many times. There are many other things. This is not the first time you have had this condition, O'Neill. The other times you did not have a stimulate in your system."

I blushed and noticed Sam was blushing too. Was Teal'c right?

"Um, you, know that won't go away unless you use it?" Daniel was looking at me. I wanted to kill Daniel for that comment.

"Okay Teal'c, you've played your April's Fools Joke. Why don't we all go back to sleep." Sam took my hand and pulled me toward my tent. I wonder if she knew I wanted to kill those two.

Once in my tent, I knew I had to apologize. "Sam, I'm sorry..."

She kissed me. What?

She kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around her.

"He's right. You know?"

I wasn't sure if she meant Teal'c or Daniel. I didn't matter.

We kissed again.

The End