"I'm So Stupid" By Lori

I’M SO STUPID 1/1 by Lori

Rated PG

Pairing: Sam & Jack.

POV: Jack's

Spoilers: Reference to Holiday second season

Archive category: Angst & Assumed relationship.

Archive: Yes please. S&J, Heliopoplis other please

Status: New: Complete

Date: June 8, 1999

The series "STARGATE SG-1" including the characters, names, titles, and back-story, are the sole copyright properties of MGM, Gekko Film Corp.,Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions. This fictional story is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. This story is property of the author.

Thanks to AliCat for beta reading.

I’M SO STUPID by Lori

"Good Morning." I jumped on a very sleepy Sam. My wet hair dripped on her face. Nothing like a cool shower to turn me on. Who am I kidding? Everything turns me on, especially her anytime, anywhere. I can’t believe the last month and a half she has been all mine. All that flirting had finally paid off.

It started innocently. I was in the infirmary after getting shot with a damn arrow. A young nurse was giving me a sponge bath, one of the few benefits of being in this place. Except I was already irritated that SG-1 was going with out me. Not that Sam can’t handle it ‘cause I know she can. I just hate being left behind.

Sam came in and caught me giving the girl hell. She shot me a dirty look and dismissed her. I was shocked Sam picked up the wash cloth and started washing the uninjured arm.

"It’s the only way it’s going to get done." She smiled at me. Oh that smile, she could always melt any mood. I pursed my lips. I wanted to say something witty but she moved the cloth to my chest and I was lost. All my senses were assaulted, she was so close to me. Without knowing it my hand has come to rest on her hip. I caressed her gently.

"So, why were you so mean to her?" She continued, answering for me. "I know how much you love this place. So that means it’s my fault."

"No. Why would it be?" I smiled.

"Well, I’m taking command of SG-1 until your arm heals." She paused. Her hand is just above the waistband of my briefs. She looked at me and smiled. "There are some perks to this. You're not my CO anymore."

She leaned and kissed me. It is not a cute peck on the cheek but a wildly passionate kiss, the type that turn your mind to mush. I slipped my good arm under her shirt; my fingers caressed her hot flesh. I pulled her closer. I could feel her tongue as it searched for a way in. There is nothing I would ever deny her. I let her in. In more ways than one, she has captured my heart and soul.

It has been a great month and a half. We usually stay at my place. It’s bigger and the neighbors are far enough a way that I can go wild and howl if I want. This morning I wanted to. I was on all fours above her. I nibbled on her ear lobe. She moaned but it was not a moan of pleasure. She looked irritated as she wiped the drops of water from her face.

She looked up at me; she was still very sleepy. "Come on sleepyhead, we have just enough time for a quickie. I’ll make breakfast after, while you shower," I pleaded with a kiss.

"If it’s okay with you, I’ll just shower." She slid out from under me. She headed for the bathroom. I just sat there dumb founded. She had never said ‘no’ before.

I finally came to my senses. I followed her to the bathroom but the door was locked. "Sam, are you okay?" I said through the bathroom door.

"I’m fine. I just want a little privacy." She hollered back. She didn’t sound mad. "How about that breakfast you offered?"

"Okay."

I went and made a nice breakfast put it on a tray with a rose from my neighbor’s garden. I met her in the bedroom she was just coming out of the bathroom. She was already dressed. Okay, so I was a little disappointed.

"Wow, this is nice." She smelled the rose and picked up a piece toast. She sat on the bed with me but on the other side of the tray.

"I’m a hopeless romantic." I shrugged. I leaned over and kissed her. I could taste the jam on her lips. "Yum." I moved my hand up her thigh.

"Jack, please. I’m not in the mood." I pulled back.

"Are you okay?" I was worried now she was staring at the tray. It was not like Sam to avoid eye contact. I tipped her chin up with my index finger. "What’s wrong?"

"Nothing." There was a long silence. I flashed her a look of disbelief. I could tell she was reluctant to tell me. Finally softly she spoke. "It’s just a that time... of the month."

"Oh, that’s no problem. I can always change the sheets." Oops, now she looked pissed. She stormed out of the room.

"Sam, come on I’m sorry." I chased after her. "I just meant that we can still do it. It doesn’t bother me."

"Well, it bothers me." She whipped around and out the door.

^^^^^

We rode to work in silence. I tried to talk to her but she just stared out the window. The day was agonizingly slow. We spent the morning reviewing mission logs. She shot me dirty looks at every turn. I was actually happy when she left the room.

"Okay Jack, what the hell did you do to her?" If looks could kill, Daniel would be in brig about now.

"What makes you think it’s my fault?"

"She has been most civil to Daniel Jackson and myself. It is clear that she is upset with you, O’Neill." Teal’c responded dryly.

"Considering the two of you are involved. Or is it was?" Daniel was pushing my buttons.

"We are still together. It’s just her damn period. You know how bitchy women get."

We all jumped when the door slammed.

"Smooth Jack, are sure that you’re still together?" Daniel smiled at me weakly. I shot my own daggers at him. He knew better.

I started to move toward the door, but Daniel grabbed my arm. "I’m no expert but maybe you should give her a chance to cool off."

He had a point. It didn’t help this morning and things were worse now. I didn’t avoid her but I certainly did not say or do anything to provoke her. It didn’t help either. At lunch I slipped out and bought her a dozen roses. I hid them on base in several places. Some in the locker room, her office and the common lab. I watched in the lab, she smelled the rose and smiled. There was hope.

^^^^^

I spent the next three hours in a meeting with General Hammond. We were going over the new recruits and what teams needed replacements. We also set up a training program, schedules and down time. Four cups of coffee later, I made a beeline for the latrine.

"Hey Jack!" It was Sam and she didn’t sound mad. If anything, she sounded teasingly sexy. "Can you come in here?"

My bladder could wait; this is more in important. I slipped into her office. She closed the door behind me. Okay she has my attention. I could only hope and pray that the battle was over. I surrender.

"Thanks for the roses. They were sweet." She smiled twirling one in her finger.

"Am I forgiven?" I ask cautiously.

"I’ll think about it." She flashed me an evil grin. "Can you help me move this?"

"Yeah sure." I never even looked at it. I grabbed it just like she did.

ZAP! What the hell was that?

I looked up to see if she was okay. I saw myself standing opposite me. Damn! She stole my body!

"SAM! What have you done?" She giggled. "Will you just tell me why you did this?"

"Simple. I just wanted you to know how I felt." She smiled and felt the front of my fatigues. "Why is it that you are always horny?"

"Am not."

"Yes, you are you have a hard on right now. Or should I say I do." She rubbed my pants a little harder.

"It’s pee-hard on. I was on the way to the latrine. Stop that."

"Oh in that case I better go relieve myself." Sam moved toward the door.

"Wait, you can’t go out there. What if some one sees you?"

"So they will just think I am Jack O’Neill. After all that is who I am."

"No, that is my body and I want it back right now." I rushed over to her. Ouch! What the hell? My gut hurt.

"What’s the matter, Jack, cramps?" She was very sarcastic. "How’s the back feeling?"

I took a few deep breaths. "Sorry, I had no idea."

"Now you do. I’m off to the..." She looks down at my crotch. "I guess to the men’s latrine."

"Wait, what if there is a guy in there?"

"Well, let’s hope he’s not bigger than you. Size does matter." She was gone. I could hear laughter as she went down the hall.

This was torture. I tried not to think about Sam using my body. What if there were guys in there? The thought of Sam checking them out was killing me. Hopefully there was no one in there. Of course that would give her more time with my body. There are just some things you don’t want your girlfriend to know. Funny, I can pee in front of Daniel or Teal’c but not in front of her.

Finally she came back. "Was there any one in there?"

"Oh yeah, an airmen with a great big dick. He was so hot, I just had to suck it."

The look on my face must have been priceless because she broke out laughing.

"Okay that’s enough, I want my body back!" I demanded.

"Sorry, I can’t. There is nobody around. Almost everyone is gone for the long weekend. We will just have to wait ‘til Tuesday."

"You’re joking, this is part of the punishment. Daniel is going to burst in here, laughing his ass off. Right?"

She shook her head no. I checked out the hallway. Not a soul in sight, now what?

"Sam, I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I had no idea it was this bad." I kissed her softly. "Please, may I have my body back?"

"Sure, just as soon as we have make up sex." She kissed me passionately. It was a strange feeling. I could feel her five o’clock shadow. It scratched a little.

"Sam, I can’t make love to you in a guy’s body, I’m just not turned on."

"Well, I am. The thought of having your rock hard cock is driving me wild. The power this thing has. What a rush!"

"Yeah well, that’s my power and I want it back." She laughed at me. How could she laugh at me? "NOW!"

"I told you I can’t, sorry."

"Can’t or won’t? There has to be some one around. We don’t leave this place unguarded."

"Fine, then I won’t." She sounded so snotty.

"Fine! I’m going home." I stepped out in the hall slamming the door behind me. That was real dumb. My car keys are in my pants pockets. The pants she is now wearing. I roamed around the halls trying to cool off. It wasn’t helping. Sam’s body felt like hell. May be I could get an aspirin from the infirmary.

^^^^^

"Hi Sam." I heard Janet call but I just didn’t connect it to this body. "Sam, can I see you in my office, please?" Janet touched my sleeve.

We sat in her office. I was afraid to say anything. This was Sam’s best friend she would surely know I wasn’t Sam. I tried to think of all Sam’s mannerisms. I should know them. It’s not like I haven’t been studying her for the last few years.

"Sam, I’m really worried. You seem really out of it. How long has it been, a week?" I didn’t answer. Hell, how could I? I didn’t get the question. "Why torture yourself? Let me run the test and we’ll find out if you’re pregnant."

Oh, my God. Sam can’t be. We always use a damn condom. Man, I hate those things. I touched my belly as if it would tell me.

"Sam, you okay?"

"Just cramps." I answered. Just cramps. She can’t be.

"Oh... You know that even though you never were, it’s still a big loss. I know you said neither of you were ready for that. You still thought about what it might be like. It will take time to get over it."

"Yeah, I guess. You got anything for the cramps?" She unlocked a cabinet and handed me a small bottle. "These are awful strong."

"You didn’t complain last month. You said you wanted something to get you through the cramps during sex. I still think you should tell him ‘no’. It won’t kill him."

"I did. He wasn’t real happy. I think he is gonna be better." I tried to smile. I hated the idea that Sam was afraid of me and that she didn’t tell me. I popped the pill dry. Oops, Sam has a hard time taking pills even with water. Janet just stared at me.

"Oh, now that you finally got it. You can start these on Sunday." Janet handed me a small bag containing a six-month supply of birth control pills. I just stared at it. "Remember the first month you can still get pregnant so use a condom too. I don’t care how much the ass complains."

"He’s not that bad. It’s all talk. He always wears it anyway. I never have to remind him." I defended myself. Boy did Sam and I need to talk. "Are you going to be around for a while?"

"Maybe a half hour why?"

"There is something I need you to help me with but I need to talk to her-him, first?" That was a big slip. "Can you meet me in my office on your way out?"

She nodded and I took off. Thirty minutes wasn't much time. I’ll let Sam have her way with me and then we can talk after Janet switches us back. That is if Sam hasn’t left with out me.

^^^^^

I knocked on the door to her office before walking in. She was sitting at the desk. She was swinging the car keys in her left hand. I enter the room and shut the door behind me.

"Forget something?"

"Yeah, that I love you." I locked the door before moving closer to sit on the edge of the desk. "I’m sorry."

I leaned in to kiss her and noticed that she was fondling my cock under the desk. I can’t resist. "Find that thing fascinating, do we?"

"I wanted to be ready when you came back." She slipped her hand behind my head and pulled me into a kiss. It may not be her body but it is definitely her passion; the way she touched me, her tongue darted in my mouth and her fingers in my hair. In my mind I can only see her, the woman I love.

"So are you ready?" I asked. She purred in my ear as her tongue slipped around the rim. I know that purr. She is so ready. "Do I need to do any thing before we... um..."

She stopped me with a kiss. "I took care of everything before. Just slip off your pants." She said between kisses. I raised my hand to caress her tits. What? They were gone, and I was caressing my chest. I’m not in as good as shape as could be. I better hit the gym more.

She must have noticed I was distracted. She moved my hand to the body my mind is now in. "Try these. I think you’ll enjoy it more."

That’s an understatement, they are so sensitive. I slipped my hand in side and tweaked them both. I experimented, trying to find just the right touch. There, that was perfect. I was awoken from my reverie by Sam gentle tugging on my pants as we kissed. As soon as they were off I slipped my fingers down there to help her. I wanted to learn all I could from this experience.

I sat on the cool desktop as Sam slipped my cock into her hot pussy. With each thrust she went deeper and deeper. Oh God, this is intense. I stroked her clilt. I was on the verge of coming.

"Oh Jack, this so incredible. Are you okay?"

"OH... OH... YES!" I could hardly breathe. I had hit the pinnacle.

"Have a little orgasm did we?" Sam smiled at me. She kissed me again.

"Oh just a little. Thank you... I would have never known." Sam pushed me back so I was lying on the desk. She stood up straight and gave a small thrust. I felt intense pain. God, I can’t have hurt her like this before. I had and I knew it. Never again, I will ever put her through that again. "Oh God, I’m sorry Sam. I swear I never knew."

She stopped and pulled me up into a kiss. "I love you, Sam. I’m so sorry." I kissed her. It was as if I could not get enough. She turned me around so I could lean on the desk. Another of my favorite positions, please don't let it hurt.

She slipped it in, so far so good. She began to rock her hips harder and harder. It hurt a little but it was so overwhelming. I was climaxing again.

"Holly Hannah!" She panted as she pulled out. I rolled over and she came on my stomach. Just like the movies. I wiped it up. Hell, this was sticky mess. I’ll never do that again either. It was only once, we ran out of condoms. We knew it wasn’t safe, but we. No, I was out of control.

I had just finished getting dressed, when I heard Janet knock. Timing is everything.

"Yes?" Sam went to the door on instinct. She opened the door. "Hi Janet. What can I do for you?"

Oops I always call her, Doc. Oh well in a few minutes she would know any way. Janet did look a little confused.

"I asked Janet to stop by and help us out." I spoke up.

"Sam, is everything okay?" Janet was looking right at me.

"Actually Janet, I’m over here." Sam was pointing to herself in my body. "I’m here in Jack’s body. He didn’t tell you? We switched."

"Not exactly." Hell, I’m in deep again. Janet is going to kill me.

"How did this happen?" Janet asked. She looked surprised but not mad.

"I wanted to teach Jack a lesson. Now that I have, do you mind helping us out?" Sam smiled and gestured toward the machine.

"Certainly. Who is first?"

"I'll go first," I volunteered. Janet and I switched. Then Janet and Sam witched. Sam is finally in her own beautiful body.

"It’s nice to be tall." Janet remarked while in my body. We switched once more. God it was great to be home again.

"Sam, I have something for you in my office. Why don’t we walk down together?" Janet was acting strange.

"Okay. I’ll meet you by the car, Jack." Sam and Janet both left. A few minutes later Janet returned.

"Jack, have you seen my bag?" Janet said in a loud friendly voice. As she got closer she grabbed my collar and dragged me down to eye-level. In a very low voice she said. "If she ever finds out you and I talked, we are both dead."

"Okay, I promise." She started to move away. "Hey Doc, Thanks. You really helped us both. Things are going to change."

"Glad to hear it." She smiled, grabbing her bag she left.

I had learned a lot, most of all how much I loved Sam and how important she was to me.

The future...

The End.