"Into The Darkness Of Confusion" By Amelie Allard

Title: Into the darkness of confusion

Author: Amélie Allard

Rating: G-PG, whatever

Classification: S/J friendship / possible romance

Summary: Sam and Jack have a conversation...

Spoilers: Set after Point of view, so spoilers ahead

Warning: Jack’s pov

Archive: S&J if you think it’s worth it, others please ask first

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything, except for this conversation, if I did, Sam and Jack would have been together a lot sooner...But they do belong to MGM, Cekko and Double Secret. I intend no infringment.

Author’s note: This is my first fanfic ever and I’d love having feedback, but please, be nice. And thanks to Nevyn for betareading this.

***

I turned to look at the door as i hear someone come into the locker room. "Carter! i was just leaving. The locker’s all yours."

"Thank you sir," she answers. I can see she’s uncomfortable by the way her eyes meet the floor and her hands are behind her back as she leans on the wall.

"Something wrong?" I ask. She jumped at the sound of my voice, just as if she had already forgotten I was even there.

"No sir". I keep staring at her knowing that there is something on her mind. I’ve come to know my Major. As if she knows she can’t fool me she says "Yes sir. Do you...Do you still have that couple of hours? she asks temptatively.

‘Ah! That’s what been bothering her!’I think to myslef. Ever since I came back from the other universe yesterday, we avoided each other as much as we could. She didn’t want to talk about what had happened and neither did I. But now that she’s here and asking me, her tone and eyes are so convincing I agree. "Yes, I do, as a matter of fact".

She smiles at me then, relief obviously shown on her face. "Good," she says, "I’d like to talk to you."

"Alright," I answer, trying to control my nervousness. I don’t even know why my heart beats so hard. "Do you want to take a walk outside?" I suggest. "It might be easier..."

"Alright," she agrees not letting me finish my sentence. She’s still smiling, but I can tell she’s as nervous as I am. I move my hand telling her to go first and she heads towards the elevator as I follow her trough the corridors. We don’t talk, waiting to be outside and to really spill it all out at once. If we can.

We take the elevator but we still don’t talk, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I look at her for a moment and try to figure out what made this Carter and the other one so different. I mean I know they were the same, but there was something...something I couldn’t put my finger on. Besides the hair, of course.

The elevator stopped then and Carter jumped out of her reverie just as if she just sensed I was watching her. She turns to me and smiles again. That same uncomfortable smile. The door opens and we finally get out of the base.

It’s quite refreshing out doors and I should have insisted to make Carter take her coat. I wouldn’t want her to get sick. So I silently offer her my jacket I had taken just before she came into the locker room. She takes it and smiles gratefuly.

Sam (I guess I can call her Sam in my head, can’t I?) takes a deep breath and looks at the stars like it was a reflex. I don’t talk, even though my mind screams at me to say something, anything, to break the ice and get rid of that ‘uneasy feeling’ once and for all. But I don’t say anything because I know she is the one who wants, needs, to talk.

I’m as confused as she is about our relationship, but I had plenty of time to think about it since I learned I was married to her in another reality. Well, at least I learned it a night before her. A night more than her to see her ‘that way’. But I have to stop fooling myself, no matter how much time I thought about my feelings, I still don’t know what I came up with. Maybe this conversation will help me...both of us.

I break out of my reverie as she speaks for the first time.

"You know Colonel, I felt really weird when I first saw her on the video. But even more when I saw her in the briefing room. I felt like she didn’t like me at first, like if she was jealous or something. I can understand her feelings in a sense, I mean her world was just screwd up by the Goa’ulds when ours was safe and perfect" she looks up at me then and it strikes me that the other Sam said almost the same thing about our world and me. "well, at least almost perfect.." she adds quickly.

"What do you mean?" I ask then and I really want to know. Or do I?

"Well, there will always be some things to change and improve, don’t you think?"

"Well, yeah..." i answer. i don’t know if I’m relieved or disapointed. We don’t speak for a moment as we both look at the stars and walk our way far from the mountain. It’s dark and difficult to catch her expression, but with the moon light I can sense that there is something more on her mind. "Just say it Carter".

"Say what?" She looks at me innocently, but I don’t buy it.

"Say what’s on your mind, here, let’s sit down." I wish I had a blanket to sit on instead of the humid grass, but I don’t so I guess our butts are just gonna have to freeze. She sits in front of me and looks like she’s searching for the right words.

"I was just wondering..."

"Yes?"

"How you felt about having two ‘me’s around", she says with a smile. I know it’s not her true question but I know I have to answer this one to go on to the other.

"Well, let’s just say that if she were the same as you, I would have been glad to have her on my team. Even though she was a scientist". I smile and she returns it.

"Is that a compliment sir?" I fall serious again.

"I guess it is. But the truth is i don’t know if I would have ever gotten used to her...the way I got used to you...." it was another complliment, well, a clumbsy one, but she understood because she bowed her head to hide her smile. I saw it anyway. "But what about you? how would have you reacted if she’d have stayed?" I ask and she thinks for a moment before answering.

"I think...I would have felt like I would have lost my identity, you know? As if I wasn’t unique anymore..."

"But you are. And you would have. I hope you know that."

"Thank you colonel. I don’t think I was sure anymore" she says and I know she means it.

"Besides", I add, "she wasn’t exaclty the same. She wasn’t in the military. That changes a person. In your case I think it gave you the strenght to endure me every day" She laughs then and I know I have finally succeeded to calm her down.

"Sir?" she asks as she regained seriousness.

"Yeah?"

"I’d like to know something...but it’s rather personnal, so I won’t mind if you don’t want to answer it."

‘Ah! there it is!’ I think to myself. "Try me"

"Do you think we would have gotten together if it hadn’t been against regulations or if I hadn’t been in the military? I mean in both universes we went we were together. Is that a sign? Are we passing by our chance to be happy? I mean realy happy?"

I look into her eyes and I see there are tons of other questions she wants to ask, but right now I’ll just try to answer this one. "Well, to tell the truth I don’t know. All I know is that this ‘paralel universe’ thing is confusing the hell out of me. I’m asking to myself the same questions you are asking to youself, Sam. But I’m afraid I don’t have any anwers. I would have thought you had them".

She looks down and takes some grass in her hands and begins tearing it in small pieces, just as I have been doing ever since we started this conversation. Suddenly I take her hands in mine and she stops her movement of nature destruction as she looks up at me, surprised by my actions.

"Sam, all I know, is that I care about you. To be honest, I don’t know if it’s love, but i do care. A lot." I’m not sure these are the words she wants to hear right now, but I can’t lie to her. However, my words seem to reassure her because she smiles, truly this time, and she gives a squeaze at my hands. I smile in return and bring her closer as my arms encircle her in a hug. That’s all I can give right now and I think that’s all she’ll recieve from me. For now.

Fin

So? What did you guys think? Should I go and hide or write others? Please tell me!

Amélie