"Alone" By AliCat

Title: Alone (an alternate ending to Torment of Tantalus, Sam and Jack's version)

Author: AliCat

Rating: R (not for the faint-of-heart)

Warnings: Character death, blood etc. This is NOT a happy story! Kleenex warning, at Siobhan's insistence. ~_^

Spoilers: Torment of Tantalus

Date: May 24, 1999

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged or will exchange hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

Archive: Yes for the Sam and Jack archive, and why not for Heliopolis. <g> Ask for others.

Notes: This was a response to Kris's challenge on the DANIELites list. It has to involve Daniel going nuts, being separated from SG-1, torrential rain, thunder and lightning, and a malfunctioning or non-functioning gate. (Which is why there might be some gender-based spelling mistakes.) Now I've changed it to be a response to my own challenge on the Sam and Jack list where one or both has to kill the other. ^_^ (And I guess it could also answer the challenge where Jack gets whumped and Sam goes through the emotional ringer!)

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Jack couldn't believe his ears. Daniel actually wanted to stay on this godforsaken planet! After all Dr. Littlefield had been through, Daniel actually thought that it was best if he stayed behind. He was no scientist, but he wasn't blind to what this place meant to Daniel, and to humanity, if he allowed himself to think about it. But Daniel just *couldn't* stay.

"What if the gate falls into the ocean?" he said, trying to appeal his friend's logic.

"I'm willing to take that chance!" Daniel was vehement.

"I'm not."

Jack grabbed Daniel by the back of his uniform and hauled him toward the stairs.

"Jack!" Daniel twisted out of his grasp and turned to glare at him.

Their eyes met, and Daniel seemed to come to a decision. He turned and collected his notebook, then followed Jack out, his heart heavy. He could hear the rain outside. It must be quite heavy to be heard down here in the heart of the castle.

The storm was getting more violent, and the castle was beginning to crumble. As the two men entered the gate room, they caught a glimpse of Sam's anxious expression before the roof over them collapsed. Both of them dove to avoid the falling debris and Sam watched in horror as Jack was caught under a shower of rock.

"Jack!" she screamed and rushed to help him. "Daniel, I've got him! You go through the gate!"

A rumble sounded and the castle shook violently. Daniel's face contorted as he tried to decide to help Jack or get through the safety of the gate.

"Go!" Sam ordered, and Daniel obeyed unthinkingly, diving though the shimmering portal.

"Sam," gasped Jack as the power to the gate ran out and plunged the room into darkness. Sam's desire to save her commanding officer had trapped them both. She fumbled in the dark, making her way to his side.

Lightning flashed, revealing the scene for a second, burning the after-image of that horrifying tableau into Sam's eyes. The Captain scrambled over broken stones to Jack's side, fumbling in the dark for her flashlight. She finally found the switch and wished she hadn't. Jack was in very bad shape. His legs and lower torso were covered with debris and probably crushed, and his face was scraped badly. His arm was lying in a funny position. Sam felt sick.

"Oh God, Jack, can you move?" she asked, trying to keep the bile from rising in her throat.

The castle started to shake again, and the flashlight beam cut though the dust swirling down from the ceiling. Sam braced herself as she felt the floor shift. They had to get out of here! She started to pull the smaller rocks off of Jack.

"Sam, it's pointless." Jack's voice broke from pain and emotion. "I'm not going to survive."

"I'm sorry sir, but I just can't accept that." Sam kept digging. If the castle just stayed intact for a few more minutes...

"No, listen! There's nothing you can do for me! You have to go somewhere safe until Hammond sends help through. Then they'll fix the gate and get you home," he said, trying to shove Sam's hands away with his good arm.

"I'm not going to leave you here to die! You can't ask me to do that!" Lightning flashed, and Jack saw the tears on Sam's smooth face glisten with sudden tears in the bright light.

"Don't make me make it an order, Carter." Jack coughed and Sam could see that there was blood.

"You can court-martial me later." Jack was nearly uncovered, except for the large beam pinning his legs.

Jack opened his mouth to reprimand the Captain, but the castle started to shake again, and rain began to trickle down from above. The castle was falling apart! The floor tilted crazily and everything began to slide to one side, the stone beam dragging Jack along with it. It left a slippery trail of crimson.

The pain was too much for the soldier and he screamed as he was dragged downwards. Sam couldn't help but scream from fear and the knowledge of what Jack was going through. The wall they were headed towards seemed to explode outwards as the first of the rubble slammed against it and fell into the sea. The two officers could see the forbidding storm clouds and the lightning racing back and forth, tracing erratic paths across the sky.

They reached the edge of the floor and had a spectacular view for one brief instant. The panorama stretched out before them and they held their breaths as they seemed to hang suspended. Then, they fell toward the roiling sea and disappeared beneath its dark waves.

Pain. Sparks of light. Murky darkness. Need air. Which way is up? Chest hurts. Kick, swim, reach! Burst though to the surface. Gasping breaths. Coughing. Choking on water. Where's Jack? Waves crash, push down. Fight, breathe, live!

Somehow, Sam made it to the shore. It was barren and strewn with black rock. It looked volcanic. Don't be a scientist now, Carter! she berated herself. The rain had settled to a steady downpour, running down Sam's already soaked-through body. She dragged herself up into a standing position and looked around. She noticed that her flashlight was smashed. She moaned in frustration.

Squinting through the sheets of rain, Sam stumbled across the beach, tripping on the sharp rocks. She could see a dark smudge that didn't quite fit in with the terrain. She hurried towards it, trying to ignore the pain in her right leg. When she was close enough, she found out that it was indeed Jack. Well, most of him. Sam turned and vomited, clutching her stomach and squeezing her eyes shut against the horrible sight. Tears coursed down her already wet cheeks and her body shook with sobs and trauma.

"Sam."

Her head jerked up at the faint sound and her stomach turned over. He couldn't possibly still be alive! She fell to her knees and cradled his head in her lap, feeling for a pulse. It was there, but very faint and very weak.

"Oh God, Jack," she choked out.

"Please... kill me..." he whispered, his lips barely moving. "It hurts too much."

"No, Jack, don't ask me to do this!"

"I'm going to die, and I want it to be fast." He paused, trying to gain strength to continue. "I don't want to die slowly and painfully Sam. There's nothing you can do for me. Please kill me now..." His body went slack with exhaustion.

Sam was horrified to realise that Jack was right. Even IF they did get back through the Stargate, and IF she could find it again, then there would be absolutely nothing Dr. Fraiser could do for Jack but make him comfortable until he passed away. His body was too badly damaged for any hope of repair, and it was a miracle that he was alive even now. Sam wished for a brief moment that he'd already been dead when she found him.

"I'm... so sorry Jack," she whispered and unbuttoned the holster for her hand gun.

"Me too," he gasped. "I wish... we could have had more time." He smiled encouragingly at her and closed his eyes, trusting her to the last.

Sam swallowed but there was no way she was getting rid of the lump in her throat. She leaned down and kissed his forehead softly, then lay him down on the ground. She took one last look and pressed the barrel of the gun to Jack's throat, aiming it towards his brain. Squeezing her eyes shut, she pulled the trigger and a scream ripped from her throat.

"JACK!"

She threw down the gun and ran. Stumbling over rocks, she finally collapsed in a heap and cried more than she ever had in her life. She remembered how sad she'd been when her mother had died, but this was nothing in comparison. She hadn't even been able to see her mother's body because of the closed coffin, and all she could see now was Jack's body jerking as the bullet pierced his skull.

After a long while, Sam gathered the strength to return and look at Jack. Her eyes filled with tears once more as she looked at her friends broken and bruised face. She tried to close Jack's staring eyes, but it was too late and she sobbed with frustration at being unable to do even that much for her friend. She tried to wipe away the blood still oozing from his cuts, but gave up.

She had to get back to the Stargate! Sam looked up and around, trying to see where the cliff that had the castle on it had been located. There was a

cliff to the left, but no castle on it. Had the entire thing fallen into the sea? Sam shuddered, thinking how close she'd come to dying.

If the castle was now underwater, so was the Stargate. The realisation dawned on Sam and her shoulders slumped in defeat. She had no way of getting the Stargate back to the surface, and she didn't think it could be activated under water. She ran her fingers though her wet hair, trying futilely to keep it out of her eyes. She was stuck here, and there was no way she could ever leave. Jack was dead, and she knew she'd be completely alone. Somehow, Ernest had survived, but did she really want to live? Should she try to overcome the odds if there was no hope of rescue?

She stood up to look for a good place to bury her team-mate. There was a small hill with a flat top nearby. That should do. Sam began to gather as many rocks as she could carry. She'd bury Jack under a stone cairn, like the Vikings did. It would take several trips, but at least the activity was keeping her occupied. Too bad she couldn't keep her mind on something else. She kept seeing Jack's face as she turned to help him, just before the gate room went dark. She dropped her armful of rocks then went back down the hill for more.

She was breathing heavily and sweating, but she refused to stop. She would do this, and then think about survival later. The rain wasn't making it any easier. She kept blinking water out of her eyes and she had to push her hair out of the way so she could see. Her clothes were heavy because they were soaking, but Sam was too stubborn to take off any of her equipment. She wasn't thinking rationally, but she couldn't make herself stop.

When she felt she had enough rocks, she turned towards Jack's body again. She'd need to carry it up to the hill. "It." Sam snorted to herself. The man was only just dead and she was calling him "it." She managed to pick Jack up, perversely thankful that there wasn't more of him because then Jack would be too heavy for her to carry. Sam ignored the blood on her hands and the stuff that fell off or out of her friend and carried him resolutely to the hill.

"Sorry," she mumbled as Jack landed a little heavily in the circle Sam had prepared.

She patted his face, then started to pile the rocks around him. She felt a

strange sense of calm as she placed the rocks gently, one by one. A rock clinked against Jack's radio, and Sam paused. She should get all the equipment. It would be useful. But that was wrong! Sam froze, unable to decide between taking the equipment she needed to survive, or leaving her friend his possessions. The rain pounded onto them and Sam stared at the pink rivulets travelling down Jack's battered face.

Finally, her body stiff from sitting in one position so long, and cold from the near-freezing rain, Sam began to remove the vest from her companion. She left his dog-tags on, in case someone else found the grave. Maybe later, when General Hammond asked for them, she could tell them where to look...

She bit her lip, hard enough to make it bleed, but she couldn't deny the hope she had of being rescued! There was absolutely no way that she could get the gate out of the water, assuming it hadn't been destroyed. Then, how the hell was she supposed to make it work?

Sam began to pile the rocks again, having taken all she dared from Jack. She left him in his shirt, having taken the jacket and vest even though they were torn and bloodied. Her anger built inside slowly and she did her best to lay the stones gently and not slam them down in frustration. Then, she paused in her activity. She didn't want to put the sharp rocks on Jack's face. It was cut already, but she just couldn't do that to her friend. She'd almost wished they could have been more than friends, if she really thought about it, and regretted it the moment she did. She decided to put her hat over Jack's face to protect it from the jagged stones.

Finally, the rocks were piled high and Sam stood back from the cairn, completely numb physically and mentally. She hadn't even noticed that her hands were bloodied or that the rain had stopped for a while. It would surely rain again, and soon. She should find shelter. Her stomach rumbled, but she couldn't bring himself to think about food.

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On the morning of the third day, if the change from dark grey to light grey could be called morning, Sam used her knife to carve three lines into the cave wall. Ernest had kept track, so she may as well. She looked through the rain and saw the dark mound that was Jack's grave. It was nearly an island now. The sea level just kept rising, and Sam's scientific mind couldn't explain it. It was nearly biblical.

The storm seemed to be getting slightly better. Sam hoped it was really letting up, and not just the eye or something. Three days of sitting in this cave were very nerve-wracking. At least she had her field rations, but she didn't know how much longer she could stretch them out for. Her eyes flicked over to the mound where she'd buried Jack and she recoiled from that possibility. No matter what happened, she absolutely refused to eat him, even if it meant death.

There was nothing to keep her mind occupied except trying to remember the alien language. She didn't remember much of it, and then there was no way she could translate it. She entertained the notion of building some kind of lever device to retrieve the Stargate from the bottom of the sea, but gave up.

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"Good morning Jack," Sam said as she passed the grave.

She was carrying firewood to her cave. She was going to fire some things she'd made out of the small amount of mud she'd found in the nearby freshwater stream. Dropping the pile of wood outside the cave entrance, Sam stretched up, letting her muscles relax. She'd gotten stronger over the last seven months (well, two-hundred and fifteen days, according to the marks she'd made on the wall) because of the physical activity she'd needed to do to survive on this harsh and unforgiving planet. She was now more fit than she'd ever been, with the possible exception of boot camp, and tanned too from the time she'd spent outside.

"I think I should fire the cup first, don't you?" she asked the air. She always had a fire going because she knew how difficult it was to start one from experience. She started to giggle. "You're fired!" she yelled, and thrust the cup into the embers. She stripped off her jacket and took out her knife. Taking the stick she'd been carving, she sat down in the warming sun and began to whittle. She wasn't sure what she was making, yet, but it kept her hands busy. When the fire died down, she put on another log. She looked out across the ever-changing and yet too-familiar horizon and drew a deep breath into her lungs. She went back to her carving.

She didn't even notice until she'd finished that she'd carved a Goa'uld. She looked at her stick with a fairly good reproduction of the worm coming out of the end. What had she been thinking? She shoved the end of the stick into the fire and smiled maliciously as it lit started to smoke, then charred as orange flames licked and caressed it in their deceptively soothing embrace.

The little cup in the fire began to crumble. It wasn't made well enough to hold together. Anger flared up inside the woman and she leapt up and used her stick like a spear, stabbing it into the delicate thing.

"It's all your fault!" she screamed at it.

She took the stick and swung it, smashing it against the boulders around her. Black charcoal flew from it and Sam lay about her with it, rage overwhelming her.

"It's all your fault!" she screamed again. "Damn Goa'uld! Why did you have to come?! Why couldn't you just stay away and ruin someone else's life? I could have been perfectly happy without you!"

She flung the stick from her and into the sea. It floated and the tide brought it back to Sam's feet. Furious, she shrieked and threw it again, inland this time, knowing that she'd have to go and get it later to destroy it completely. Then she collapsed into a little ball and wept for her life, her happiness. Things would never be "good" again. It was never, EVER going to be "ok." Despair filled her and she let it overflow.

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The storm came again, exactly three-hundred and fifty days after the day Sam had been stranded. It was worse than she'd remembered it. By the seventh day of steady rain, Sam was extremely hungry. She hadn't had enough food to last her that whole week. At least the clam-like animals were easy to catch now.

She was so hungry that she ate the first few raw. Her fire had gone out and

the wood had been soaked. She couldn't keep burning it anyway. There were only three small trees left, if they could be called trees. They were so small and pathetic-looking. She'd thought they'd grow back eventually, but there were no seedlings at all. Maybe she'd have to get used to raw food.

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"I wonder which one's home," Sam murmured.

She was lying on her back next to Jack's grave, her head cradled on her hands and gazing at the stars. It was now six Earth years that she'd been here, and nearly six and a half of these planet's years.

"If we had my telescope, we'd be able to look at them more closely," Jack's voice whispered.

Sam smiled, knowing that was probably what Jack would have said. He'd loved to look at the stars.

"It's not so bad here, huh?" Sam said.

"Sure, great food, wonderful view, and you can't beat the company."

Sam laughed. After a while, she sighed sadly. "I wonder if they miss us."

"Daniel would. Hammond might, but he'd never talk about it. Teal'c... well, he's Teal'c."

"Yeah. I miss them."

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"So what's your ground-breaking theory-of-the-week this time?" Jack's voice was full of anger and hate. "Can't you think of something more interesting to do that astrophysics? Why not 'Theories of How I Could Have Saved Jack's Life' or 'Why Having No Legs Sucks'? But nooo, you have to go and kill me, and strand yourself here on this lump of rock. How many days has it been now? Nearly ten-thousand, isn't it?"

"Shut up, shutup, SHUTUP!" Sam yelled, covering her ears against Jack's accusations. You can't use your hands to block out a voice that's in your mind.

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Well don't you think I have the right to complain? For crying out loud Sam," he sneered, "you didn't even bury me whole!"

Sam screamed and ran from her seat next to the grave. She didn't know where she would run to. This was an island after all, and a relatively small one.

"That's it, you coward! Run! Go see if you can find my legs while you're at it!"

There was no escaping that voice. Sam ran and ran, but she turned back when she realised she'd passed the halfway point. This was the farthest she'd be able to get from Jack.

"Well my legs aren't here, Sam. And you're supposed to be the smart one."

"Go away, Jack," Sam ground out through gritted teeth.

"Away? Oh, I'll gladly leave! Too bad I CAN'T!" The voice roared in her mind.

Sam screamed. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" She stepped out of her shoes. She'd swim and swim and swim until she was too far for Jack to find her.

She set out with strong strokes and was satisfied that the sound of Jack's voice had been replaced by a ringing in her ears. She'd been swimming before. The water was so clear that she'd actually been able to see something that looked like the Stargate. It was too far down for her to be sure, unfortunately. Now she was headed in the opposite direction. She had no idea if there was anything out there. She kept swimming.

It was getting dark, but Sam refused to turn back. She didn't think she'd be able to find the island anyway. It had long since disappeared beyond the horizon. She lay on her back and looked into the darkening sky. With small movements, she kept up her forward momentum, and watched the stars appear one by one.

She smiled at the now-familiar constellations and her memory brought him back to that day all those years ago when Jack had shown her his telescope. He'd been so proud of it! It was the latest model, and Jack had been dying to try it out at the upcoming full moon. They'd joked that they'd be able to see the infamous face or pyramids on Mars with his new telescope. Teal'c had been perplexed by the reference, asking whether the people of Earth had set up Martian colonies.

The first moon rose, then the second. Sam swam slowly, at ease in the water and not really caring where she ended up. The voice inside her had stilled and she felt no guilt. She finally felt quiet inside, at peace. She sighed and drifted slowly across the water, eventually falling asleep.

The sea caressed her body, supporting it, buoying it. It carried her far away, and Sam travelled all through the night, unaware of the constant current in the ocean. The sun rose, showering gold across the glittering sea, but Sam didn't wake. She would sleep forever now, and the sea supported her still. The great empty ocean carried the woman until she landed on a shore covered with sharp black rocks, overshadowed by a cliff and the small hill where the man lay sleeping.

The end

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