"Vacation" By AliCat

I HIGHLY recommend you read the notes. This is an unavoidably confusing story, and I've done my best to keep it as concise as possible. Hopefully, you'll only have to read each sentence once for you to get what's going on. ~_^

Title: Vacation (a "What If?" for Holiday)

Author: AliCat

Rating: NC-17, of course

Warnings: m/f sex and m/m sex, much confusion

Pairings: all of them... sort of

Category: PWP

Spoilers: Hathor, Need

Date: May, 1999

Archive: YES! (Area 52 and the S&J relationship archive, ask for others)

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm making no money with this... etc, etc. Special thanks to Lenny Kravitz! Those songs are *so* inspiring. Thank you to Slida and Lori and Renegade for helping me make this as not confusing as possible!

Notes: There's no reason for this because I can't think of a good, plausible way for it to happen. It just is. It LITERALLY has NO plot. The body switches are secret. And just to give you a helping hand, Teal'c is in Jack, Jack is in Sam, Sam is in Daniel, and Daniel's in Teal'c. Enjoy!

*

Teal'c stumbled through the rain, his hair plastered to his forehead, his clothes soaked through. He paused, leaning against the side of a building, then lurched forward again. He was nearly there. Blinking water from his eyes, he looked up. This was the right place. He left a trail of water across the lobby and soaked the carpet in the elevator on his way up.

The doorbell rang and Sam leapt up to get it, feeling nervous about being in Daniel's apartment. She shouldn't be nervous, she knew, but she couldn't help it. Opening the door, she was surprised to find Jack there, soaked through and very drunk.

"May I enter?" asked Teal'c.

"Uh, sure," said Sam, stepping back to let her commanding officer in. "Ya want a towel or something?"

"Please," said Teal'c as he stumbled through the doorway, tripping on the ledge.

"Oh!" exclaimed Sam, and she caught Jack before he could hit the ground.

Teal'c felt Daniel's surprisingly strong arms go around him. He leaned into the other man, putting his arms around Daniel's neck and looking into his bright blue eyes. Sam's breath caught as she looked into Jack's chocolatey brown ones. She felt something shift. An odd sensation, that reminded her of something else. Standing up, she lifted Jack to stand next to her and helped him to the couch.

"Daniel," Teal'c whispered as they sat.

"Yes Jack?" answered Sam, the strange sensation increasing as her heart beat quickened.

She felt his hand reach up and stroke her cheek gently. Teal'c watched as Daniel leaned into his caress. Encouraged, he sat up and moved his hand to the back of Daniel's neck, pulling their mouths together for a tentative kiss. Sam was too stunned to move, and she just kissed back, watching Jack's eyes close and tasting the beer on his lips.

"We can't do this," she murmured, pulling back.

"Why not?"

"You're drunk. You don't know what you're doing. Aren't you straight?" Her mind screamed at her. What was she doing? She wanted this. So what if it wasn't exactly the situation she'd hoped for?

"I have never felt more clear-headed," said Teal'c, the words only slightly slurred.

"Jack, please. Don't make me say no to you."

"Then say yes," he whispered and surprised Sam by sitting up and pushing her down onto the couch, pinning her.

Sam realised what the feeling was. When Jack had gotten on top of her, she'd immediately felt his prominent erection. It felt incredibly good when he moved, and she could feel that he was rubbing her own erection. It was definitely an odd sensation. Very pleasurable. She pushed her hips against his and gasped, not expecting the intense sensitivity of the organ.

Teal'c pushed back, then kissed Daniel, hard. Sam couldn't stop herself. She didn't care if they'd be court-marshalled, loose their jobs, or even ruin their friendship. She'd only ever felt this way once before when she'd kissed someone. Teal'c let his hands roam over Daniel's slender body, kissing him so deeply he felt he'd drown. They were wearing too much.

Slender fingers travelled up Sam's stomach and over her flat chest, pulling her shirt up as the hand moved higher. She felt lips surround her nipple, feeling nothing like she was used to. Shrugging out of the plaid shirt, she pulled her T-shirt over her head, somehow pleased at the view of herself this gave her. Jack was moving down her body, following the trail of light hairs that started at her belly button and went downwards.

Inhaling Daniel's scent greedily, Teal'c grabbed the end of his friend's belt and pulled, undoing it and yanking it off. The button was next, then the zipper. Impatient, Teal'c didn't bother to take off Daniel's pants, and just pulled down the front of his underwear. He wasn't disappointed by the sight that greeted him.

Sam watched as Jack revealed her erection and was impressed by it. She'd never have guessed. Lucky Sha're. Then Jack took her into his mouth and she nearly screamed. It was so intense. So much more than clitoral stimulation. Controlling her breathing and clutching at the damp couch, Sam lay back and enjoyed the incredible sensations Jack was giving her. Wiggling, she managed to lower her pants to her thighs. She felt him take her cock in his hand and stroke it as he sucked on her balls. What a strange, incredibly erotic feeling.

Daniel's cock jumped in his hand and Teal'c sucked harder. The slender body writhed and he felt himself get harder in response. He knew patience, though. He'd waited too long for this to rush it. Too bad it wasn't quite the way he'd thought it would be. Teal'c decided to pull Daniel's pants off the rest of the way, and quickly did this, never letting his hand leave the other man's cock. Daniel moaned again and he quickly returned to his task, concentrating on giving Daniel the blow job of his life.

Suddenly, Sam felt Jack's throat open and she felt herself go all the way in. She cried out, grasping his wet hair. The cold water dripped down, splashing tiny droplets onto her stomach, making the sensations even more intense. Another suck, another lick, and she couldn't think. She felt herself explode from the groin, ecstasy spreading like lightning from where Jack's mouth touched her. The waves of pleasure slowly passed, and she lay against the couch, gasping and slightly dizzy.

Teal'c licked the last of Daniel's orgasm from around his mouth, very pleased with himself. Sitting back on his heels, he watched Daniel's breathing slowly return to normal.

"Did you like it?" he asked, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it anyway.

"It was... the best I've ever had," Sam answered truthfully and with a little smirk.

She sat up and kissed Jack, slowly exploring his mouth with her tongue. They raised up, still kneeling, and pressing their bodies together. The rough material of Jack's uniform felt strange to Sam as the tip of her penis rubbed against it. Biting her lower lip and closing her eyes, she repeated the motion and felt herself getting hard again.

Teal'c leaned in and started to kiss Daniel's neck, beginning at his earlobe and working his way down to his collarbone. He felt Daniel start to strip him. He didn't co-operate, but he didn't hinder the other man's efforts either. He was far too busy memorising the taste of Daniel's skin and the feel of his body. Then Daniel's fingers touched his bared stomach and he trembled. This wasn't right! Oh... Teal'c remembered that he wouldn't have a pouch. This felt very peculiar.

Sam needed to get Jack's pants off. She also decided that they needed more room. Getting off the couch, she pulled Jack up with her and led the way, grinning as he held his pants up with one hand and still tried to look dignified, even though he was also swaying slightly from being drunk. Having sex in Daniel's room would feel weird... like when she'd had sex in her parents room. She wasn't going to complain though! Fortunately, she also knew where Daniel kept his lubricant from her earlier snooping. She'd have to ask him about that later.

Turning to face him, Teal'c locked eyes with Daniel as he stopped in the middle of the bedroom. He let go of the top of his pants and felt Daniel unbutton and unzip them, letting them fall around his ankles. Then he watched as Daniel knelt down, pulling off his briefs as he went. His erection was finally freed and he breathed a sigh of relief to not be constricted any more. Quickly stepping out of his clothes, Teal'c looked at the man kneeling before him. He wound his fingers into Daniel's long hair and pulled him close, shifting so the bead of pre-cum on his tip smeared across Daniel's lips.

Sam licked her lips, savouring the taste. She smiled inwardly as she inadvertently compared her cock to Jack's, feeling inordinately pleased that hers was bigger. As she began to suck, she thought that it was a good thing Jack wasn't as big as she was. She had no idea if Daniel had ever been on the receiving end before, and she didn't want this to hurt too much. At least she knew what to expect, minus the prostate gland. That should be fun.

Teal'c was surprised at Daniel's abilities. He hadn't expected it to go this far, much less that the man would know what to do with an erection. He felt the lips leave his shaft and was about to protest, opening his eyes to see Daniel get a tube from the drawer of his bedside table. Then he lay down on the bed, beckoning and spreading his legs invitingly. Teal'c gulped and felt himself begin to ache with need. This was incredible.

Pulling Jack into her arms, Sam pressed her body against his as he lay on top of her. It felt so strange to be stimulated like this. They kissed, rubbing together. When Sam felt Jack pull back, she popped the lid off of the lube and held it out. Teal'c got the clue and put his hand out, catching the dollop of liquid that came out. He shifted so that he could reach between them and very carefully started to stretch Daniel.

This was definitely different. Sam kissed Jack passionately as he gently prepared her. She wanted this so badly! Teal'c was pleased that it didn't take long for Daniel to be ready for him. He squeezed more of the fluid onto his hand and covered his shaft with it, finding it strange that while it was darker than the rest of his skin, it was still so pale. He gently moved Daniel's legs and arranged himself over the other man, kissing him as he entered him.

The sensations were exquisite, for both of them. They were soon moving in unison, remarkably at ease with each other for their first time together. Sam felt herself get hard again and rub between their muscular stomachs. She touched herself and started to stroke, putting on a show for Jack. He watched, mesmerised it seemed, as he slowly and rhythmically pushed into her. He began to hit what could only be the prostate inside of her, and she was suddenly jealous of the gift all men had but few used.

Sam felt the explosion build slowly inside her this time. The pressure increased with each thrust of Jack's hips. Teal'c watched as Daniel soon became covered with a beautiful sheen of sweat, his pupils dilated, and his lips grew swollen from their kisses. He kissed the man beneath him and gasped as he felt Daniel scraping his nails down his back as he held him tight. Then, Teal'c felt Daniel squeeze around him and he grunted in pleasure, watching as Daniel came, crying out Jack's name. Hot liquid splashed onto their stomachs and faces and Teal'c licked it from his lips.

When Jack kept going, Sam thought she would die. The pleasure was overwhelming, even after that incredible orgasm. All she could do was hang on and moan, kissing Jack wherever she could and gasping for air. Teal'c nuzzled Daniel's neck, struggling to keep control of his body. The alcohol and the general condition of his body tired him out too quickly. His orgasm overtook him before he could stop it and he poured himself out into Daniel's body, all of his muscles taught.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack slipped into his, or rather Sam's quarters, careful to make sure that no one saw him. He closed the door and started stripping, dumping the clothes unceremoniously on the floor. Damn. A back-closing bra. Somehow, his arms seemed to reach the clasp and he undid it, wincing as his breasts popped out. Ouch. He reached up and rubbed them. They were pretty tender. He kept stripping and was soon naked.

Sitting down on the bed, Jack jumped as he felt the scratchy wool blanket right between his legs. That was definitely uncomfortable. Pull the blanket back then. The sheet was smooth and cool against him. His breasts were still sore so he rubbed them again, feeling the nipples harden in his palms. Ooh, he hadn't expected how good that would feel. He pinched experimentally and winced as he felt pain.

He lay back on the bed, playing with his breasts and rolling the nipples between his finger and thumb. As his legs shifted, he felt himself open and the cold air of the room caress him. It felt odd, and he let his hand move between his legs, still expecting to find a penis. Of course it wasn't there. His fingers slipped between the soft folds, already slick and hot. He brushed his clitoris and let out a quiet moan, trying to keep his voice down.

Slipping his fingers into his channel, he explored himself like a teenager, soon finding that his nipples were quite hard, he was flushed all over, and something felt like it was building up inside him. When it came, Jack gasped. This was the strangest orgasm he'd ever experienced, and that was saying something. He licked the sticky liquid off his fingers and then looked up, in time to see Teal'c standing at the door.

He'd never seen quite that expression on the Jaffa's face before. Somehow, it reminded him of Daniel. Then, he had the common decency to blush and try to cover himself. He tried to think of something to say, but nothing would come out past the lump in his throat.

Daniel was completely shocked. So much for coming to Sam to ask her about this whole body switching thing. He felt his cock stir at the sight of her. Strange, he'd never looked at Sam in quite this way before. He'd been to busy having intellectual discussions with her to notice that she was very much a woman. And a beautiful one at that. He realised he was staring.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know you were," he paused and cleared his throat, "busy, I guess."

Jack looked at the Jaffa. He was magnificent. And here was the chance he'd wanted, that he'd never thought he'd get! He didn't know much about Jaffa culture, but for some reason he had the impression that Teal'c would have been greatly insulted by his advances. Now, as a woman, he could approach Teal'c freely.

"Teal'c, wait. You don't have to leave," he said, before he could talk himself out of it.

"Oh?" Daniel was more than amazed. Sam was usually so shy and... well... she never flaunted the fact that she was a woman. Now she was actually turning towards him, looking at him sensually. Daniel gulped nervously.

Jack was delighted to see that he had this effect on the normally stoic Teal'c. He beckoned to the man, smiling in delight as he approached the bed slowly, as shy as a schoolchild.

This was wrong! He couldn't do this. But Daniel's feet moved anyway, and soon Sam was pulling him down to sit next to her. He trembled as her hand rubbed the inside of his thigh. Were Teal'c and Sam involved? In that case, it might be better to go along with this. Bad excuse, Daniel. His cock was hard though, and he wanted her badly. He hadn't been with another person since Shyla, and that had been under the influence of the sarcophagus. Before that, it had been Hathor. It had been much too long. He stopped himself before he thought of Sha're. Screw it. He wasn't exactly himself anyway.

He turned to Sam and ran a huge hand over her hips and thigh. She trembled and he kissed her, suddenly finding that he was in complete control. He was so strong and healthy! Already he could feel his erection straining to be freed. Rolling on top of her, he grinned ferally as she gasped in surprise. She wasn't expecting this. Good. His hands started to explore her body, his dark skin in stark contrast to Sam's.

Jack's mind reeled as Teal'c assaulted his senses. Kiss after breathtaking kiss left him enthralled and eager for more. He could feel his partner's rock-hard erection pressing nearly painfully into his pubic bone and tilted his hips up so that his clitoris would get some attention. His lips parted, and the moist interior wet the front of Teal'c's pants as he rubbed himself against the Jaffa. The rough material excited him and he spread his legs further, allowing their hips to grind together harder. They moaned in unison.

Eagerly lowering himself to Sam's breasts, Daniel began to suck on a nipple. He pulled it between his teeth and flicked his tongue over it, feeling Sam shudder beneath him. Then, she was pulling his black shirt over his head, seemingly impatient to have him in the same state that she was in. Her fingers brushed his stomach and he almost came right there. It took all of his now considerable control to regain coherent thought. Damn, that pouch was sensitive!

Jack flipped them over on the narrow cot, glad that they were against the wall so there was little possibility of them falling off on at least one side. He pulled impatiently at Teal'c's pants, giggling despite himself when they finally seemed to explode as his erection sprang out. He unlaced his partner's boots and pulled off the pants and tight boxer-briefs. Then, he eagerly began to suck and lick Teal'c's cock.

Daniel closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensations. He was going to live for right now, and forget about what could happen later. Would he ever be able to look at Teal'c or Sam, or even himself in the same way again? Probably not. Sam's fingers started to trace the pouch on his stomach and he couldn't question himself any more. He couldn't help it when he grabbed Sam's head and started thrusting. She got the message and held still, willing to let him do this. Her hands still traced patterns over his stomach. Then, his balls drew up and he was cumming, emptying himself down Sam's throat.

Holding on for dear life, Jack tried to breathe through his nose as what felt like gallons of cum were squirted into his mouth. He knew it really wasn't that much, but it felt like a lot. He licked Teal'c clean and wiped his mouth, then smiled wickedly. Teal'c raised an eyebrow when he caught the look he was being given. Jack crawled up the muscular body, cat-like, then knelt over the Jaffa's face, his knees on either side of the man's head. He smiled down at that face, still not quite believing that this was happening.

Jack gasped as Teal'c's tongue darted into his swollen folds. He put one hand against the cold cement wall to support himself and used the other to gently hold himself open. The Jaffa had closed his eyes, his long dark lashes resting against his cheeks. Jack could feel his breath in between licks and the occasional suck on his clitoris. He was soon dizzy with sensation as he felt Teal'c's strong tongue draw him tantalizingly to the edge of ecstasy.

Daniel couldn't believe that his cock was already hard again. His hand wandered lazily down, tickling himself over his pouch, then he grabbed himself and began to masturbate. He intensified his efforts to pleasure Sam and then he felt her begin to tremble. Her hand left the wall and rested on his forehead and she pressed down on him, screwing her eyes shut and opening her mouth as she began to scream. Daniel shot his hand up and covered her mouth. They couldn't be heard doing this on base! Most of the scream was muffled and Sam sagged down against him as her orgasm passed.

"Teal'c," Jack whispered, unable to say more.

The big man helped him to lay on the cot again and held him in his massive arms. Jack's thigh brushed over Teal'c's erection, solid and waiting. A surge of envy passed through him and then a much nicer surge of anticipation. They could continue their... activity. Jack rolled onto his companion and straddled him, kissing him softly as he began to lower himself onto that magnificent cock.

"Wait, Sam," hissed Daniel, using all his willpower to utter those two words. "Are you on the Pill or something?"

Jack's mouth opened in surprise. He hadn't thought of that, but then again, it had never been a problem for him. "Um... no..." was all he could say. Damn! It wasn't like there'd be condoms on base, or anything. Except... "I know where we can get some condoms," he said, smiling in relief.

"Where?" Daniel asked, his voice nearly breaking from pent-up sexual energy.

"We'll have to get dressed," answered Jack, kissing Teal'c on the tip of his nose before reluctantly getting off and pulling on his clothes.

Daniel followed suit, helping Sam with her bra clasp when she asked him to. Funny, he thought she would have worn a front-closing bra if she couldn't close one at the back. It didn't matter though, and he kissed her shoulders and the back of her neck, pressing his cock into the small of her back as he fastened the bra.

"Come on," Jack murmured when they were ready. It had only taken them seconds, but it was still much too long.

They slipped out of the room and went down the corridor. Towards Jack's quarters, noted Daniel. He wasn't disappointed when it was indeed the Colonel's quarters they entered, locking the door behind them. He watched as Sam went straight to the closet and reached up inside the frame. She pulled out a little silver key and unlocked a small metal box in the bottom of the closet. Daniel's eyebrow raised questioningly, an expression that seemed to be coming to him very easily lately. He smiled when Sam pulled out a string (a nice *long* string) of condoms.

"Will the Colonel mind you taking those?" asked Daniel, trying to sound like Teal'c.

"He owes me one," said Jack with a smirk.

"Just one?" Daniel's eyes twinkled playfully as he approached the Captain, taking the condoms from her hand and pulling off the first one.

"Well, perhaps more than one," Jack murmured as he began to strip Teal'c, again.

Daniel growled, impatient to have what his body was now screaming for. When Sam pulled his pants down around his knees, he took out the condom and rolled it on. Then, he grabbed Sam's arm and pulled her up, unzipping her pants and pushing them down. Spinning her around, he pushed her down so that her ass stuck out and then he plunged into her hot channel, slick and ready for him.

Jack began to scream again, only to find that Teal'c had anticipated this and had already clamped a large hand over his mouth. He breathed through his nose, trying to stay in control and his hands grappled for something to hold on to. They lurched forward and he grabbed at the wall, laying his palms flat against it as Teal'c pounded into him. Heat began to build inside of him and then he was cumming again, clenching his teeth together so that he would stay quiet.

As Sam clenched around him, Daniel felt the pleasure increase, but he wasn't close to being finished. His hard need drove him on and he felt like he could do this forever. He watched as she balanced for a moment and pulled her shirt and bra off over her head, then he watched as her breasts bobbed with the motions of their lovemaking. He felt her feet move and watched as she kicked off her boots (it was a good thing they'd been in too much of a hurry to tie them up) and then stepped out of her pants. Daniel decided that he'd really prefer to be naked as well, so he slowed his movements, leaning down to kiss her back, then he pulled out and took off the rest of his clothes.

For a moment, Jack had been relieved that Teal'c had stopped. He didn't know how much more pleasure he could take at one time, crazy as that sounded. Turning to face the Jaffa, Jack's breath caught as he took in that incredible physique. The man hadn't even broken a sweat yet, which was more than Jack could say about himself. Fortunately, women didn't sweat. They *glowed*. He giggled as the thought flitted through his mind, still not quite believing that he could giggle with such ease. His eyes fell on the still-hard cock and he took a deep breath, then smiled. Good, they weren't finished yet.

Stepping into Teal'c's embrace, Jack tilted his face up and kissed the man, running his hands over his body, feeling the hard muscles underneath the warm skin. He yelped in surprise as he felt Teal'c lift him up, and then he gasped as he was impaled on that long, wonderful erection again. He wrapped his legs around Teal'c's waist. He arched his back and bucked as he rode Teal'c, digging his fingernails into the strong shoulders.

Daniel felt like a god. Normally, he would have collapsed from exhaustion ages ago, but he just kept going. He felt Sam come again and again and still he didn't stop. His muscles worked so easily, the intense rhythm apparently easy for them. Then, Sam touched the edges of his pouch again and he lost it. He finally came in the most intense orgasm of his life, his legs crumpling beneath him as he held Sam around her back and pushed down on her shoulders, shoving himself all the way inside of her.

It was nearly painful, but Jack had felt himself stretch more with each thrust. When Teal'c finally did cum, the overpowering pleasure making him loose his control, Jack came again as he felt the member twitch inside of him. He bit his lip as Teal'c leaned his sweating brow against his shoulder, guilt at deceiving this wonderful man welling up and bringing tears unbidden to his eyes.

"Teal'c?" said Jack softly as he stood up and went to sit on the bed.

"Yes?" he answered, gasping for air and unmoving from his spot on the floor.

"I... I'm so sorry."

"What for?"

"I've lied to you," said Jack, his voice unsteady.

"What do you mean?" Daniel had a bad feeling about this.

"I'm not who you think I am..."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"His key is probably in his pocket Jack - er - Teal'c," said Sam as they stood outside Jack's quarters. She was still blushing.

"You are correct. I have found it," Teal'c said as he pulled a set of keys from the pocket of his leather jacket.

"It's the gold one," said Sam helpfully.

They soon had the door unlocked, but were completely unprepared for the sight that greeted them.

"Oh... my... god..."

The end.