"It Doesn't Matter (Jack's POV)" Breniah

TITLE: It Doesn’t Matter (Jack’s POV)

AUTHOR: Breniah

DISCLAIMER: Don’t own them, don’t sue. They belong to all those really big companies that don’t treat them right. *g*

RATING: C’mon it’s Jack, there is some swearing so I guess M

SUMMARY: Jack reflects on his relationship/friendship with Sam

SPOILERS: 100 Days, Shades of Gray I guess

SEQUELS: This follows on from It Doesn’t Matter (Sam’s POV)

DEDICATION: to everyone who ever sent me feedback, you guys are great!!!!

AUTHOR’S NOTES: nothing comes to mind

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis and SJA yes, anyone else, ask and you shall receive

FEEDBACK: yes please

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She’s hurting. I can see that she’s hurt. Hell if I can see it, it must be bad. It’s in her eyes every time she looks at me and I have to wonder what I have done wrong. Oh believe me I know what I have done wrong. Daniel, Janet and Teal’C have all made various mentions to my indiscretions. I know what my actions have done to her but this is something else. And I have no fucking idea what it is.

She looks listless, there’s no life in her eyes as she explains the latest piece of technology to us. It’s like she doesn’t care about anything any more. She doesn’t care about her work, about Janet and Daniel’s concern, about making me smile. As selfish as it is, that one hurts the most. She used to do things, make things, with the alien technology just because I asked her to. And I always knew she would figure it out and get it done for me. Ok so now it sounds like my ego has inflated beyond the Good Year Blimp but its true. She would crack it just to make me smile at her, the same way I cracked jokes, just to see her smile at me.

She doesn’t smile at my jokes now. Somewhere along the line, something went wrong and she doesn’t smile for me. Man that hurts more than I thought possible and made me realise how much I care for her, more than I ever new..

I knew I had hurt her with the Lara thing and then again with the "Yeah never liked you guys anyway" approach I took to my undercover mission. You don’t have to be a brain surgeon to have figured that one out. But it’s not that. When she looks at me I can feel her confusion, her hate, her love, her anger, her jealousy, her lust and her hurt. They hit me from every side of my being and I have to wonder what made her feel so much and how she can bear it. Hell, I can’t bear it and I only get the residual effects.

I wish she would talk to me. In a way I fear what she would say to me but anything, even a tirade of hate and anger would be better to the indifferent silence she is showing me now. I love her. I love her so much. Danny shook his head sadly at me when I realised. He thinks it might be too late for us.. But it can’t be too late. It simply can’t be. I feel too much for her, its so much more than love and there are no adequate words for how she completes me. How she makes me ‘me’.

Get a grip Jack, you’re losing it. What’s with all the flowery ‘Nancy Boy’ wording?

Shut up! You love her! Say what you feel!

The one thing the warring sides of my mind do agree on is that I have fucking idea what to do. It’s frustrating and terrifying but I honestly have no idea.

I wish I did.

THE END

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I’m thinking Sequel – "It DOES Matter" and give it a nice happy ending. Help me people!! Shall I leave it as is or give it a happy? (that was a pathetic cry for feedback)