"Seasons 1: Through The Bitter, Bitter Cold" by Carol S Comer

Title: Through the Bitter, Bitter Cold

Author: Carol S. Comer

Status: complete

Category: SJR/angst

Spoilers: 100 Days (of course)

Season/Sequel info:

Rating:

Content Warnings:

Summary: I'm still obsessing about 100 Days. Maybe one day I can get on with my life, get over this, let it go, move on, etc., but for now I'm trying to exhaust myself with fiction and relieve the uncomfortable ache that episode introduced in my chest. Perhaps I should just go back to watching ITLOD or POV and start writing happy SJ fanfic again. Maybe some real smut will get me out of my 100D funk.

Disclaimer: Don't own `em. Lots of other folks do (Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions) yadda, yadda, yadda. And yeah, I'm infringing, but no money was involved here. So, sue me, I know a lot of good lawyers. Oh... Wait. I AM one.

Author's notes: Although not plagiarized completely, the idea and some of the words are stolen shamelessly from Tara MacLean whose lyrics (`In the Wings') are a damn site better than I will EVER be able to write. **See, Tara MacLean, "Silence," (c) 1996, Nettwerk Records, Inc.

THROUGH THE BITTER, BITTER COLD

It was late summer the last time she had left the confines of the Cheyenne Mountain complex. She could remember as if it were yesterday. It was the middle of September - too early to call it Indian Summer - but it was beautiful, high seventies, sun shining bright and warm. Sam had disappeared in the early afternoon and snuck topside to sit in the warm embrace of the summer's end. Jack had found her in the clearing in the woods surrounding the compound that the four friends frequented when they were confined to the mountain, but not to the facility itself.

"Nice day." He called to her, startling her out of her revery.

Sam turned to see Jack standing with his hands firmly jammed in the pockets of his pants, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Yes." She agreed, closing her eyes and raising her chin to the sun. "The last of summer's splendor." She opined, enjoying the heat on her cheeks that, for once, was not necessarily attributable to the man standing before her. Sam heard a rustling as Jack moved through the brush around the clearing to join her on the fallen log she was using as nature's own sofa. They sat in comfortable silence mere inches apart grasping for the season's slipping hold.

"We should be at the lake." Colonel O'Neill suggested.

"Oh yeah," Major Carter answered, "drifting slowly on a pontoon, sipping margaritas listening to classic songs about summer's end." She said. "`The Boys of Summer,' `All Summer Long...'

"I was thinking more like fishing. Beer. Complete silence." He interrupted.

"Oh," Sam responded dejectedly. She hesitated a moment and then added, "Well, we can't leave the compound today, anyway." Sam glanced at her watch having lost awareness of the passing of time and was surprised to find the afternoon slipping quietly into evening. "we go off-world at 1930 hours in time to catch the `fire rain' on Edora."

"Yep." He agreed standing up. "But if we could, you know," he said with a conspiratorial grin, "a margarita wouldn't be so bad." Jack turned and caught Sam's eyes. He gave her a bright smile and reached out his hand to help her up. "Come on Major." He said. "You've been AWOL long enough." Sam's shoulders drooped in exaggerated disappointment. "I was sent up here to find you and see you safely to the briefing."

Sam took his hand with a mock groan and he pulled her to her feet. True to his word, he returned her safely to the Edora briefing and then later disappeared on the planet. Sam hadn't been topside since.

* * *

The first thing she was aware of was the cold - the bitter, biting cold. Shards of ice pelted her exposed cheeks and the wind howled around her hood. `Well, its almost February.' Her mind taunted her. `What did you expect?' Sam stood frozen in the storm, unable to make sense of the season. `It should be fall.' She screamed silently in her head. Daniel came up behind her and took Sam by the arm propelling her forward.

"Come on Sam," he said gently. "Let's go home." Sam followed along like a remote control doll - all movement with no emotion. He led her to his car and opened the passenger side door. Like a small child, he helped Sam into her seat and buckled her in before gently closing the door and hopping around to the driver's side. Daniel stomped the snow off of his feet before he climbed in and slammed his door, shivering from the brief exposure.

Daniel drove slow and carefully down the mountain and pulled up in front of Sam's apartment. Sam dutifully got out and walked mechanically to her door. It wasn't until she had the key in the lock that she realized that Daniel had followed her into the apartment and was standing behind her in the hallway waiting for her to open the door.

"Daniel?" She said by way of inquiry: as in `what are you doing?'

"I'm staying with you tonight." He said as the lock gave way and the door begrudgingly plowed through four months of mail piled on the floor in front of the mail slot. "If nothing else," Daniel told her, "you'll need help going through your mail." He could see just by the envelopes that payments to many creditors was long passed due and several were threatening litigation. Thankfully her paycheck had been direct deposit and her rent had been automatically withdrawn from her checking account elsewise Daniel was afraid Sam wouldn't have had a home to come home to.

Sam just shuffled through the sea of bills and sat down heavily on her couch. Daniel went to the refrigerator in search of something to give her to drink, but shut it quickly after a glimpse of the contents confirmed it really HAD been almost four months since she was home. He found a bottle of red wine on the counter and opened it, pouring a glass for Sam and himself. She just stared at him blankly when he handed the glass of cabernet to her. When she still didn't reach out for the wine, Daniel sighed loudly and placed the glass in front of her on the coffee table. Sam continued to stare unseeingly out her window at the grey sky and barren trees.

Daniel busied himself gathering up and sorting her mail. When he had waded through the entire sea of bills and had them stacked in neat piles organized by creditor and date, Daniel joined her on the couch. Sam didn't so much as blink as he sat next to her. Her glass sat untouched on the coffee table and her hands were folded neatly in her lap.

"How about pizza?" He asked her with false enthusiasm. Sam didn't even acknowledge he had spoken. "Chinese?" Daniel suggested. "Or I know this great Thai place in Colorado Springs we could go to." Sam turned and watched his lips moving like she could hear him, but his words weren't making sense to her. When she still didn't respond, he said, "Sam, you have GOT to eat." He leaned down and picked up her wineglass and again handed it to her. Sam took the glass and stared at the deep red liquor. "Eat and then rest." Daniel said.

Sam looked up at him with a confused frown and sipped the rich cabernet. If he couldn't get food into her (`yet' his mind supplied optimistically), at least the wine would encourage sleep. She'd been the walking dead ever since they returned from Edora with the Colonel reluctantly in tow. She'd hadn't slept much in the months before but at least then Sam had a mission. - she single-handedly built a piece of equipment that could not be built to reach a man, who it turns out, did not want to be reached. Now she had nothing except four months of poor eating and sleeping habits catching up with her.

Daniel sighed in frustration at his circumstances. SG1 was inactive during Jack's absence, but Daniel assumed as soon as the colonel was rescued, things would return to the way they were before he was trapped on Edora. Now, it appears, that SG1 may never be the same again. `Who knows how long Jack will be here before he decides he would rather be back on Edora living the simple life, raising a family with loving wife.' Daniel thought. And Sam, `lord,' Daniel swore to himself, `I wouldn't be surprised if she left the program altogether.'

Daniel glanced over to see Sam resting her head against the padded armrest. Although her eyes were still on the barren landscape, they were glazing over in fatigue. Daniel knew it wouldn't be long before her body succumbed to the need for sleep. He patted her knee comfortingly as he drained the last of the wine from his glass.

Daniel sat his glass down on the coffee table next to Sam's half full stem. He looked over at Samatha and found her eyes closed and her breathing deep and steady. With a sigh of relief he sought her bedroom and gathered up blankets and pillows for her. Jack would have, no doubt, picked her up gently and carried Sam to her bedroom. Daniel thought, `yeah, but that was the OLD Jack, who knows what the new Jack would or wouldn't do.' Either way, Daniel was not Jack and opted to gently lift her head and slide a pillow under neck and tuck Sam's down comforter over her prone body. Taking a pillow and blanket of his own, Daniel laid down on the floor and slept at the foot of the couch.

Daniel was awakened by a soft taping and opened the door to find a stoic Jack standing nervously in the hallway.

"Where's Teal'c?" Daniel asked in lieu of a greeting.

Jack looked around as if trying to find him before answering that he had left him back at the mountain.

"He was supposed to be watching you." Daniel said tiredly.

"Yeah," Jack responded grimacing from the implications, "I figured that one out." The two friends simply stood and looked at each other.

"How's Sam?" Jack asked making a move to step into the apartment. Daniel conspicuously did not move out of his way.

"She's sleeping." He said, the slightest hint of a warning coloring his voice. Jack looked questioningly at the man he called friend.

"Can't I see her?" He asked incredulously.

"I just don't think it's a good idea right now." Daniel said looking back toward Sam's sleeping figure on the couch. Jack took the opportunity during Daniel's inattention to skirt around the archeologist and head towards the couch.

"Jack." Daniel said in quiet warning as he shut the door behind him. "She hasn't slept in months. Well, almost four to be exact. That's about the length of time you were gone, right?" Daniel asked twisting the invisible knife in Jack's gut.

"Yeah, Daniel." Jack said. "Thanks for reminding me."

"She needs to sleep." Daniel pleaded. "She really, REALLY needs to sleep." Jack kneeled in front of the couch and stared at the soft, sleeping features of the major. The colonel wistfully brushed an errant strand of hair off of her forehead and tucked it behind her ear. With a sigh, Jack leaned down and rested his forehead gently on her shoulder.

"Jack please." Jack raised his head and looked at Daniel softly.

"Danny, this is something I have to do." Jack said asking for understanding. "Just go." He implored. "I promise I won't hurt her anymore." Jack could see the internal argument Daniel was having before he gave Jack a slight nod and gathered up his coat.

"Just... Don't wake her," he said. "Okay? She really needs to sleep."

"Got it." Jack said as Daniel let himself out of the apartment.

Jack lifted himself to the couch and sat himself against Sam's legs where they curled up in sleep. He leaned his body across hers and gently rested his folded hands across her shoulders. Sheltering her body under his, Jack rested his chin on his hands and whispered gently to the somnolent major.

"I'm sorry I missed the autumn." He told her softly. "I know I was supposed to be here keep you safe and warm. I just..." Jack buried his face in frustration. He sighed loudly before raising his head to look at Sam. "I missed you. I missed the fall. I missed the leaves changing colors and the first crisp night that you wear a sweater and handing out candy at my house at Halloween. Thanksgiving, Christmas, the New Year. I missed all of it. I missed you." He repeated. "Now its bitterly cold. The trees are lifeless. The ground is barren and you just seem dead inside."

Jack sat staring at her for a while. He could hear the wind howling, but she looked peaceful in sleep. The lines of fatigue and worry were less visible and, curled up on the couch, she didn't look `gaunt.' She looked childlike, as one ready to make new discoveries or learn new things. Getting off the couch, he made a choice. Jack reached down, wrapped Samantha in his arms and lifted her sleeping form and cradled her to his chest. He carried her to the bedroom and laid her out on her bed, carefully wrapping the duvet around her.

"Everything must die for a new life to begin.**" He whispered to her as he laid down next to her on the bed and held her close. `Any vestiges of our old relationship may be gone, but that leaves room for something new,' he thought with hope as he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll see you in the spring."

The End.