Here With Me

By Flotternz & Tarra O'Neal

Email: flotternz@yahoo.co.nz and IrishLas413@msn.com

Status: Complete.

Category: Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Pairings: Sam/Jack, Daniel/Janet

Spoilers: Stargate the Movie, COTG, Broca Divide, Solitudes, Singularity, Cold Lazarus, In The Line Of Duty, Point Of View, The Devil You Know, A Hundred Days, Shades Of Grey, Maternal Instinct, Nemesis, Divide & Conquer, Beneath The Surface, Entity, Tangent, Desperate Measures, and possibly a few more that we can't recall.

Season/Sequel Info: Final Part in the Last Breath Series. Sequel to "Looking Through Your Eyes" and “More Than Anyone Deserves”; Season 5 (After Desperate Measures) Alternate Timeline.  (Parts 1 & 2 can be found at http://www.jackfic.com &  http://www.dyiallias2.bravepages.com  )

Rating: PG/PG13

Content Warnings: Angst, Mild violence, Angst, Torture, did we mention Angst?!

Summary: The lives of Sam and Jack have been changed drastically...will they make the right decisions?

Disclaimer: Sadly we don't own SG-1, or that lovely graying, brown eyed Colonel...*sigh*! Oh woe are we!! Anyways... Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate Productions, MGM/UA, Viacom, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions and the Showtime and/or Sci Fi networks. No infringement is intended to the above parties. This is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

File Size: 340 KB

Archive: Dyiallias II - http://www.dyiallias2.bravepages.com , S/J archive, Jackfic … anywhere else please ask.

Author's Note: Song credits – Inspired by the song "Here With Me" by Michelle Branch, also contains lyrics from the songs "When You Get Used To Somebody" by Tim McGraw and "Everywhere" by Michelle Branch. Much thanks goes out to Hoodat!!  Thanks for being our beta! You're the bomb! Hugzzzzzzzz!!!!

Feedback: SWEET!!! We love feedback!! The more we get, the more we write, and everyone's happy!! J

******************************************

"Here With Me"
 

The cold, flat edge of the knife slid across the skin of his chest. Jack squeezed his eyes shut, trying to not show any fear; it only led to pain- pain that he was beginning to not handle very well.

It felt as if he was being torn limb from limb. Slowly. Painfully. Excruciatingly.

His arms were stretched above him and strapped to the Wheel of Torture, as he dubbed it earlier, and that is the only way it could be described. His legs were treated in a similar manner, stretched far apart and secured at the base of the large, cold, metal wheel contraption.

The sweat pouring down his body and seeping into his open wounds intermingled with his blood, which only added to his pain. He had given up protesting long ago. His voice had grown hoarse, and it hurt to talk. It took too much effort to get out even one word. So that was when his questions ceased also. Not that it mattered; they never answered him anyway. They just sneered that snaky sneer and continued torturing him.

The guard came and stood in front of him again. He held out his palm.

No! Not again!

The pulsating glow began. Again. The thrumming started in his temples and engulfed his entire head. His head involuntarily whipped back as the piercing pain spiked through his head.

Please stop. Please stop. Please stop. STOP!

He heard an otherworldly scream echo between the walls. He wished that whoever or whatever that was would stop. It was hurting his head. Then he realized it was himself.

Images started flashing through his mind. This was when the nausea began. The images would always fly around his head, spinning and skipping in front of his eyes. Never stopping.

Then they stopped. And one image settled in his mind. He expected it to flash away at any moment. He expected more pain.

The image was fuzzy at first, but then it materialized into a woman. A beautiful, blond haired, blue-eyed woman. He knew her from somewhere, but where?

The image changed again, but in slow motion this time, making it easier on his pounding head.

He was standing in a room. A meeting room. A ... a ... briefing room. He was surrounded by other men in blue uniforms, gathered around a table. They were all looking at him, waiting. What were they waiting for? He looked toward the open doorway. A form was standing there, shifting nervously in the shadows. The form finally walked in, confidently.

Then he saw her. Her. The beautiful woman. With blond hair. And blue eyes. And she was smiling. Smiling at him?

The image shifted once again. This time to a cave. An icy, dark cave. He was lying on the cold, hard floor of the cave. He was hurt. Numb. Uncaring anymore. Then she was in front of him again. She looked as worse for wear as he was, but she was smiling. At him.

The intensity of the sharp pain in his head nearly overtook him, his images darkening. But he would not give in. He had to keep her in his sight. She made him feel no pain. She made him feel invincible.

Her face became clearer. Her smile became brighter. The pain diminished to the darkest corner of his mind.

The woman...what is her name...came closer to him. She was standing nearly in front of him. She was saying something. What is she saying?

"Jack"

Jack? Who's Jack, he thought. Oh wait. He knew that name too. That was his name. Jack. I'm Jack. He had to keep reminding himself.

"Jack, I..."

Her voice kept fading in and out. He had to hear her voice. He had to hear what she was saying. He had a feeling it was important, whatever it was she was saying.

"Jack, I love you." She smiled.

She smiled. At him. She loved him. Who is she?

He couldn't remember her name. Why couldn't he remember her name? He knew he loved her. That much was obvious. The way she made him feel, the way she looked at him, smiled at him. Loved him.

He could feel himself reciprocating those feelings, and reacting to them. His heart skipped a beat whenever she smiled at him, whenever he thought about her smile. He couldn't remember anything specific, yet he knew he should. It was tormenting him. What kind of man was he if he couldn't remember the name of the woman he loved?

She reached out and took his hand. She laid his hand against her stomach where a small mound was apparent. He could feel her warm skin against his hand, and something more. The skin under his hand moved. His eyes flew to hers. She smiled.

"Our baby," she said.

Jack felt it again. A light little kick from the inside of her womb. Baby. His baby. Their baby! He smiled, or he thought he did. He wasn't sure of much of anything right now, except for the fact that the woman he loved was having his baby.

All too soon though, he was yanked away from his pleasant surroundings and back to the pain-enthralled torture chamber. The suddenness of the pain of his body and his heart caused a gut wrenching sob to escape his mouth. Jack cut it off quickly knowing that any emotion shown only fueled the sick twisted minds of his tormentors. His mind drifted into the all-consuming blackness that guaranteed at least a short escape from the pain.

***

Sam sat in the rocking chair in the baby's room. The lights were off and the room was chilled, but she didn't seem to notice or care.

He's been captured by Bastet.

The words were a lament, echoing through her head, torturing her.

Captured by Bastet.

Two months and they were still no closer to finding him. She didn't even know if he was alive.

I thought I felt you touch my cheek this morning
But I musta been dreamin'

Tears slid unbidden down her cheeks. She felt so alone without him, the house felt so empty. Only in this room did she feel less alone. He had shown her this room the night he had proposed to her, the night she thought they would spent the rest of their lives together.

And in the middle of the night without a warning
I thought I heard you breathin'

Now, her baby probably was not going to have its father. It was so unfair. What had they ever done to deserve this?

Me and my so-called independence
I've got this loneliness that's so relentless

She wiped at her eyes, the cool metal of her ring brushing across her cheek. She looked down at it, glinting softly in the moonlight that flowed through the window. It was a symbol of his love for her, a symbol of what was to be their future together.

Sam still held steadfastly to the belief that he was still alive, somewhere out there. Even after so long, he had to be alive. She knew that if she ever lost that belief she would be lost forever without him.

I guess you get used to somebody
Kind of like havin' them around

The tears still streamed down her cheeks. She had done this every night since her father had told her, retreated to this room to let out the emotions that she suppressed all day. She felt so useless at the SGC, unable to help with the search that the SG teams and the Tok'ra were partaking in, confined to her lab trying to study machinery that she no longer had any interest in studying.

I guess you get used to the way they make you happy
Bring you up when you're feeling down

Her heart lay somewhere across the galaxy, and she wouldn't be complete until she was reunited with it once again. "Oh, Jack," she cried, "Please, come back to me."

I never dreamed when I was letting you go
That I would wake up and miss you this much

There was no answer, her voice echoed hollowly in the empty room. Her hand drifted down to the small swell of her belly, she could feel the fluttering sensation that told her the baby was moving. It was comforting to her, to feel that little life moving inside her. At least if they never found him, she would have that much of Jack in her child … their child.

I guess you get used to somebody
I guess you get used to being loved

Janet had told her that she could tell the sex of the baby now. Sam didn't want to know. She wanted the sex to be one final surprise from Jack if he was never to come home. Oh, he has to come home. I need him.

Sam sat up hopefully at the sound of a key sliding in the lock of the front door. Shoulders slumping miserably, she slid back down on the seat; they would have called her if he had been found.

"Sam?"

It was Daniel. She wondered if he would go away if she ignored him. For a brief moment she regretted giving Daniel and Janet a key to the house, but they had both insisted and she couldn't refuse them.

"Sam? Are you there?"

Great, she thought bitterly, it's both of them. She swiped at her face angrily. Why couldn't they just leave her alone?

"I'm here," Sam croaked in reply, her voice scratchy and raw from crying.

Resting her head against the padded headrest, she closed her eyes. She didn't want visitors, if they wanted to see her they could come to her. She wasn't going to go out of her way to accommodate anyone.

"Here you are!" Janet's head popped around the door, a smile on her face.

"What do you want?" Sam sighed.

This had happened nearly every night for the last two months. She came home; one of them would turn up to check on her. In the beginning she hadn't been bothered; she knew they were worried about her and the baby. But now … all she wanted was to be alone with her grief, and they weren't letting her do that.

After the first couple of weeks, she had dropped into a deep depression. She kept denying the fact that Jack was gone. Her mind told her to accept it, but her heart refused. Even now, after two months of wondering, worrying, crying, and praying, she still couldn't dismiss the feeling down deep in her heart.

Janet and Daniel had been very attentive the whole time. They hadn’t let her leave their presence for         more than a couple of hours. Janet had noticed her not eating and the signs of fatigue on her face. But no matter what she couldn't get them to go away and leave her alone. She knew they meant well, but if she accepted their help and aid, she might as well close the case so to speak of ever expecting Jack back home. And she couldn't do that. She couldn't and wouldn't let herself do that.

Janet ignored her snappish comment and stepped into the room. "Oh Sam, it's freezing in here, why haven't you put the fire on?"

Sam glanced up at her. Janet was standing at arms length, her face etched with concern. "What are you … my mother?" she snapped angrily. "I'm not cold Janet. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because you're not looking after yourself and your baby, Sam. If we leave you alone who knows what will happen to the two of you. I'm your doctor and your friend; I can't let anything happen to you. Either of you."

Janet squatted down in front of her, placing her hand softly on Sam's knee. "You have to snap out of this Sam. This is no way to live your live, shutting yourself away and pining for Jack. He wouldn't want to see you like this any more than we do."

Daniel's head popped around the doorway. "I've got everything Jan," he said quietly, glancing in Sam's direction. "Hey Sam."

Sam ignored him, focusing instead on Janet. "What does he mean by that?"

Janet stood and took her hand. "You're coming with us even if we have to drag you out of the house kicking and screaming."

Fixing her sharp gaze on Daniel, she jerked her hand away from Janet. She couldn't believe this. "No, I'm not going anywhere. Don't you get it? I just want to be alone."

Janet looked at her with sorrow lighting her eyes. She couldn't stand seeing Sam like this. "Sam, this isn't healthy for you ... or the baby."

"Why don't you understand? I want ... no ... I have to be here. This is the only place I feel near Jack." Sam said choking on a sob.

Janet gathered Sam into her arms. "Just let it out Sam. Let it all out."

Sam's sobs grew to heart wrenching wails as she finally let the impact of it all catch up to her. She realized then that she couldn't do it by herself anymore.

*********************************

Daniel carefully deposited Sam's sleeping form on Cassie's bed.  When she'd had her breakdown, she cried so long and hard that she had exhausted herself.

Janet had been adamant about not leaving Sam there alone again, as they had for the past two months.  Daniel had tucked Sam's bags in Janet's car and then carried Sam out and made sure she was settled comfortably.

Janet had told him, with this being such a critical time in Sam's pregnancy, they would have to keep a close eye on her.  Though, Janet didn't have to tell him, he could see for himself.  It wasn't a good sign that she was closing herself off from her friends.  Even her work, which used to be so important to her, was suffering.

Daniel berated himself everyday for not convincing Jack to stay.  He knew it hadn't been such a good idea for Jack to accept the mission so soon after his injury, and after finding out that Sam was pregnant. He should have taken more time to recuperate.  He should have passed up the mission.  He should have stayed with Sam.   No matter how much he told himself that Jack was a mature adult and could make rational decisions, Daniel still blamed himself to a degree for letting Jack go.

At first, after they found out Jack had been captured; they all thought it would only be a matter of time before he was recovered.  Jack O'Neill had been through rough situations before and had always survived.  Why should this time be any different they all thought.  The only difference being that this time he had more at stake--a baby on the way and a promised marriage.

Janet had come to stand next to Daniel and put her arms around him, without him realizing it.  They looked down at Sam, knowing this had to be the first decent sleep she had gotten in weeks.  Daniel gathered Janet into his arms, cherishing his own gift.

Janet sighed sorrowfully.  "Why is it, that when two people are meant to be together, they are constantly torn apart?"

"I don't know hon. I can't understand it myself." He said as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.  She leant her head against his chest.  He felt a dampness soaking through his shirt.

"I really thought that with the baby, they would finally have a chance for true happiness.  Lord knows they needed some," Janet said through her tears.

Daniel knew as well as she did that neither Jack nor Sam had had a pleasant life.  After the initial shock wore off, he was ecstatic for his friends.  If anyone deserved to be together and be happy it was Sam and Jack.  But now, by a twist of fate, their happiness was ripped out from under them.  All of Sam's initial worries about having to raise this child on her own, all came crashing back to Earth.

When she first found out that she was going to have a baby, she had convinced herself that Jack wouldn't want anything to do with it, however untrue that turned out to be.  Though they themselves didn't even know what to expect at the time, they had backed Sam's decision.  They had been fully prepared to help her raise her baby.  Then when Jack finally came to his senses about his whole relationship with Sam, not only was he thrilled but everyone else was too.  They had still wanted to be a part of Jack and Sam's baby's life; they were just overjoyed that the baby would have its father.

Now though, it was as if their well laid-out plans had suddenly been erased.  Janet and Daniel still planned on giving Sam any support she may need.

****************************

Jack was thrown bodily into his cell, the air driven from his chest, his mind a daze of twisted memories and emotions. Gasping, he battled to drive air back into his lungs, taking huge breaths that only serve to make his broken ribs protest.

He rolled onto his back, his sweat-soaked stomach covered in dirt from the ground. Closing his eyes, he fought the pain that the movement caused, not only from his ribs, but also from the myriad of bruises and cuts that covered his back and abdomen. His wrist was broken; it had been for some time.

Blackness floated in front of him. He wasn't sure if it was actually dark or if he'd lost his vision again. A wave of nausea rolled over him. Pushing himself onto his side, vision flecking with the pain, he retched violently, bringing up only bile. He hadn't eaten in days, and had only been given a tiny mouthful of water several hours ago. If you could even call it water. It wasn't fit for animals to drink.

He lay back, his energy wasting away, and closed his eyes again. It was the only way to make the pain fade back to a tolerable level. His head pounded constantly from the lack of food and water and from the no doubt multiple concussions he had suffered in the time he had been here.

Here. He didn't even know where here was. Since he had been captured he had been moved numerous times. No doubt to keep him from memorizing his surroundings, should he escape. And that had been on his mind constantly. Escape. Though the thought had dulled to the furthest reaches of his mind. Ebbing there, should he care to act on it.

Time had lost all meaning to him. He had not slept in weeks, of that he was certain. A painful cacophony of sounds filled the room from tiny speakers making it impossible to sleep. He did not know where he was, or how he had gotten there. He remembered almost nothing of his life before this misery began only the little images that flashed before him in the few small moments of sleep he occasionally managed to grab.

He could remember a woman, she was very important to him. Sam. That's what the little visions told him her name was. She was having his baby. He saw images of people that he assumed were his friends, but nothing tangible enough to hold on to. Except for her, he had to live; he had to get home to her and their baby.

Her smile. He remembered her smile. It kept flashing through his mind. Sometimes he could almost smile back, but the left side of his face had been crushed, making it painful to do so. It was beautiful; it made this wretched life worth living. It helped him hold on to the belief that he would live to see it again.

The sound of someone outside his door was unmistakable. Please, not again! With a burst of energy, he pulled himself across to the far corner of the cell and cowered in the shadows that lay there. The Goa’uld, Bastet, took great pleasure in torturing people. He could not remember her or her Jaffa ever asking him any questions; his torture sessions were silent except for his screams.

What could they possibly want from me, he thought. He knew nothing. Or at least he thought he knew nothing. Crap! Now he was confusing himself.

They normally gave him time to recoup before each session. If they were coming for him now, did it mean that she had grown tired of him, found a new subject to torture? He wouldn't let them take him without a fight.  He needed to focus. He couldn't pass out again. If he passed out, he was afraid he wouldn't wake up the next time. And he had to wake up. He had to get out of here.

Footsteps approached him quietly, too quietly. Something was wrong. They were going to kill him. He tried to fight back the panic that was suddenly growing in him. He had to live! A hand touched his shoulder gently, something was said to him, but his mind didn't register it.

With a feral growl he grabbed the hand and moved with a speed and agility that the Jaffa wouldn't have expected. He twisted the arm until he heard the crack. Dropping it with satisfaction, he stood, driving his fist into their face. Another satisfying crack sounded as his assailant’s nose broke.

"Jack!" a voice yelled.

Jack stopped suddenly, his fist still raised, his other hand still gripping the front of his assailant’s shirt. Another man stood in the doorway, too small to be a Jaffa. He was dressed in the robes of a Goa’uld. Was that his name he was calling? The Jaffa had never called him anything but human before. He let go of the shirt in his hand, the person falling to the ground with an agonized moan.

"Jack," the man repeated, raising his hands as if to show he meant no harm. "We're here to help you Jack. We're here to get you out."

Jack tilted his head, studying the man intensely. He looked familiar, but this had happened before. He had thought someone had looked familiar and it had been a trick, a new method of torture. He looked down at the man on the floor; he was holding his nose, his broken arm held tightly against his stomach.

"Jack please," the man sounded desperate. "It's me, Jacob."

The name meant nothing to him. He couldn't remember a Jacob. It must be a trick, they're trying to fool me into believing they're something they aren't. Placing a swift kick into the stomach of the man on the ground he rounded on the other one. He crossed the room in two steps, gathering the front of the man’s robes in his fist.

Fear flickered across his face. Jack had nothing to lose; he would kill him if he had to. He could tell by the other man's face, by Jacob's face that he saw it too. His other hand groped for Jacob's throat and squeezed. Jacob's hands wrapped around his wrist, trying to pull them off as his eyes bulged. Jack only squeezed harder.

"Sam..." Was the only word that managed to escape Jacob's lips.

Jack released his throat and robes in surprise, sending Jacob slumping to the ground, hands around his throat as he lay gasping for breath. He studied the man again, feeling that sense of familiarity once again. Jack had never mentioned Sam during his torture sessions, no one here knew who she was. Did they manage to get inside his head on top of everything else? Is that how Jacob knew her name?

Jacob had pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, still gasping. "You have to trust me Jack. This isn't one of Bastet's tricks. We're here to take you back to Sam."

Unwillingly, he held his good hand out to the man. He did not trust him, but something deep down told him to believe him. Jacob took his hand and stood, his eyes traveling up and down Jack's battered body, before brushing past him and helping the other man up.

Jack stood rooted in place, trying to get his mind around what was happening. He was leaving here; he was going home to Sam. It didn't seem real, none of it did. It seemed like some far-fetched dream. Reality to him was pain and beatings.

Something brushed his shoulder. He jerked away from it, half-twisting, a low growl forming in his throat. Jacob was behind him holding up some dark brown robes. Jack stepped warily away from him.

"Jack you have to put it on or we won't get out of here."

Inching forward he reached out and snatched the robes from Jacob, wrapping them around his body awkwardly with one hand. It was course, aggravating the multitude of cuts on his body, but he didn't care.

He was going back to Sam.

************************************

Sam lay on the bed her eyes closed, but not asleep.  She had been faking it for the past few minutes, waiting for Janet and Daniel to leave the room.  They pitied her, she just knew it.  She didn't want pity.  She didn't want to be felt sorry for.  She just wanted Jack.
 
I kinda miss those ramblin' conversations
Where we talk about nothin'
 
She rolled over onto her back and drew her hand up to her swollen stomach.  She felt the baby move, causing her mouth to lift slightly.  The baby started moving around about a month ago.  She can't believe that Jack missed the first kick of their baby.  He would have loved to have felt it.  When she had to go to her first ultra sound alone, it nearly killed her.  Jack had been so looking forward to it.  He had been talking of hardly anything else since he found out.  Especially after he got the baby's room all fixed up.
 
The way you always made me laugh at my frustrations
Baby that was somethin'
 
She talked to the baby all the time.  Mostly about its father.  She knew it probably wasn't doing her any good, to constantly dredge it up, but it was the only way for her to hang onto Jack.  Until she had evidence, hardcore, able to be touched evidence, she would not believe that Jack was dead.
 
I should've been careful what I wished for
Cause I've got my freedom and so much more
 
When Jack was trapped on Edora all those years ago, for more than three months, she never gave up the search.  No matter what people said, she hadn't let herself stop until he was found.
 
I guess you get used to somebody
Kind of like havin' them around
 
This time though...She shook her head clearing images ingrained in her mind...she couldn't think about this time.  Because Jack was coming back.  Alive.
 
I guess you get used to the way they make you happy
Bring you up when your feeling down
I never dreamed when I was letting you go
That I would wake up and miss you this much
 
Sam curled up on her side, the soft light from the hallway leaking in through the crack in the door.  It felt good to lie down at least.  She hadn't allowed herself this comfort for quite a while.  She closed her eyes again, and started singing softly.  It was a lullaby that she remembered her mother singing to her when she was a child.  She hadn't heard it in years, but it somehow came bubbling to the surface.  She told herself she was singing to soothe the baby, but deep down she knew it was to ease her own troubled soul.
 
I never dreamed when I was letting you go
That I would wake up and miss you this much
 
She must have dozed off because the next thing she knew she heard the blaring ring of the telephone down the hallway.  She looked at the bedside clock.  0230.  Who would be calling Janet's at this time of night.  She strained to hear the voices down the hallway.  It was Janet and Daniel talking urgently, but softly.  She was curious as to what was happening.  She sat up and prepared to get off the bed to find out, when Janet rushed into the room in a flurry of motion.
 
Janet seemed only mildly surprised that Sam was already awake.  "Sam we have to get to the SGC.  They've found Jack.  And he's alive."
 
Sam was struck speechless, but she allowed Janet to help her bundle up for the journey to the mountain.  And Jack.
 
*******************************
 
Sam hurried through the corridors of the SGC, Janet and Daniel trailing behind in her wake.  All her energy was focused on getting down to the infirmary, going to Jack.  She didn’t want to think about what she might find when she got there.
 
When they reached the Infirmary level Janet took her arm, stopping her.  Her face looked stern and worried.  “Sam, he’s in the observation room.  The General warned me that he’s in bad shape, he won’t let anyone near him and he won’t talk.  Sam, I don’t want him to do anything to harm you and the baby.”
 
“He won’t harm us Janet,” Sam scoffed impatiently.  She wanted to see him; she had to see him now.
 
“Sam, I’m only asking you to be careful.  You have to calm him down enough so I can check his injuries.”
 
“I know Janet.”
 
Brushing her hand off, Sam continued down the corridor.  A feral kind of scream was coming from the observation room, echoing up the corridor to her ears.  That couldn’t be Jack, could it?  It sounded more like an animal than man.  She quickened her pace.  What was happening to him?
 
Rounding the corner she ran into her father.  He looked tired, but a relieved smile filled his face when he saw her.  “Sammy.”  He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly to his chest.
 
“How is he Dad?”
 
One look at his face told her everything she needed to know.  It had been a long time since she had seen her father look as anguished as he did now.  It took her breath away.  “He knows who you are Sammy.  That’s all that matters,” he replied, brushing his lips across her forehead.
 
A loud crash from the observation room pulled them apart.  There was a moan of pain and then silence.  Jacob cupped her face, looking deep into her eyes.  “Sammy, things might not look so good now, but they will get better.  You have him back now”.  He pressed another kiss to her forehead.  “Do you want Teal’c to go in with you just in case you need any help?”
 
It was only then that Sam noticed Teal’c standing tensely by the doorway, a zat clutched ready in his hand as he peered through the glass on the door.  Moving away from her father, she stepped up to Teal’c.  “It is a relief that you have finally arrived Samantha Carter,” he said in greeting, his attention not leaving the door.
 
“Thanks Teal’c,” she replied, reaching out to touch his arm.  “Will you stay out here?  I’ll call out if I need any help.”  Teal’c simply inclined his head in acquiescence.
 
Taking a deep breath, Sam opened the door and took a couple of steps inside.  She heard a scuffling sound and looked in its direction.  What she saw would be etched into her memory forever.  Nothing could ever have prepared her for the sight before her.  She stood there for a long time, rooted in place and helpless.
 
Jack was crouched in the far corner of the room, watching her warily.  He was almost unrecognizable from the man he had been.  His face was partly in shadow, the left side of his face swollen, his cheek and nose noticeably broken.  His breathing was ragged, frightened.
 
He was almost naked, clothed only in a loincloth that barely covered his midsection decently.  He was emaciated, his face hollow and drawn.  Almost every visible inch of his body was covered in bruises, cuts and grime.  He was filthy.
 
Inwardly Sam groaned and fought to stifle the sob that formed in her throat.  What had they done to him?  She knew she couldn’t let him she how upset his appearance made her, schooling her expression she took a cautious step forward.
 
Jack backed up, somehow managing to squeeze himself deeper into the corner, flinching away from her.  His eyes were wild, searching everywhere for a means to escape.  He grunted in pain.
 
Sam stopped moving.  She was still several feet away from him.  Slowly she squatted down so she was at eye level with him.  “Jack, it’s me.  It’s Sam,” she kept her voice quiet, not wanting to startle him any more than he already was.
 
He tilted his head, an almost bird-like motion, his eyes looking her up and down.  His body was still except for his eyes.  Sam inched forward slowly, stopping after every foot to make certain she wasn’t scaring him.  She had no idea how he might react if he freaked out.  Was Dad wrong?  Did he not recognize me at all?
 
She was unaware of the passing of time as she crawled closer to him.  She kept her eyes on his, trying to keep him calm, to show him that she was no threat to him.  Finally she was in front of him, her knees almost brushing his.
 
Tentatively, she reached out and touched his knee.  His reaction was instantaneous.  He screamed the same animalistic sound she had heard outside in the corridor.  He jerked away from her, standing and pressing himself against the wall, knocking Sam over in the process.  His eyes were wide, terrified; he was shaking.
 
Sam stood up facing him, holding her arms out in front of her, trying to show him that she was no threat.  “Jack, it is me.  It’s Sam,” she told him tenderly.  “You’re home Jack.  Your safe, you’re with me now … and our baby.”  She pressed a hand to her belly, attempting to show him the burgeoning mound that was their unborn child.
 
Tears were streaming down Jack’s cheeks, but his gaze had followed her hand.  He studied it for a long time, confusion creasing the undamaged side of his face.  Slowly, Sam inched closer again, trying to soothe him with the sound of her voice.  “Nothing is going to hurt you again baby.  I promise you, no one will ever hurt you again.”
 
Reaching up, she gently cupped his unmarred cheek with her hand.  Jack flinched, but didn’t pull away.  A realization seemed to take hold of him.  The uncertainty in his features seemed to ebb away, only to be replaced by disbelief.  His mouth opened, he was saying something, but no sound came out.
 
Sam was certain that it was her name that he had mouthed.  “Yes, it’s me Jack.  I’m real.”
 
Jack’s shoulders began shaking forcefully, his face twisting in misery.  Sam stepped forward, pulling him to her.  Mindful of his battered body she wrapped her arms around him and held him as he wept.  She could feel how thin and bony he suddenly was.  “Its okay, Jack, let it out.”
 
A sob rose in her throat.  They had broken him, broken his mind as well as his body.  Despite all his Black Ops training they had managed to break him.  What had they done to him?  He hadn’t even known she was real.  She bit the tears back, knowing that she had to be strong for him.  She had to help him get through this.
 
His sobs subsided quickly and as much as she didn’t want to let him go, she knew that Janet had to check his injuries.  Sam had no idea how she was going to coax Jack into letting Janet examine him.  Her hand was slowly stroking up and down his back, a soothing motion.  He was still tense; his arms still lay stiffly at his side.
 
Sam didn’t hear the low growl forming in his throat, didn’t notice the growing tenseness in his body until it was too late.  When he did move it was with a swiftness that she had never seen before, the speed of a man acting purely on instinct.  One of his arms shot out, wrapping itself firmly around her throat, his other hand gripping one of her arms firmly in front of her.
 
“Trick!” he yelled, the first cognitive thing she had heard from him.  His voice was raw and gravelly from lack of use.  His face contorted angrily as Sam’s free hand groped up to grip his wrist futilely.  His grip tightened and she gasped weakly from a combination of lack of oxygen and pain.
 
The door burst open behind her and instantly she realized why he had assumed it was a trick.  She couldn’t cry out, tell them to go, couldn’t plead to Jack that he was mistaken.  She was completely helpless to do anything.
 
He had just seen Teal’c.
 
Her vision was fading; she wasn’t going to last much longer if she didn’t do something.  Instinctively, she raised her knee forcefully and it connected with his groin.  He groaned, his fingers loosening on her throat enough for her to push him back.
 
Sam fell to her knees, drawing deep breaths, trying to force precious oxygen back into her lungs.  Her shocked mind struggled to comprehend what had just happened.  Glancing up at Jack, she saw him looking past her, rooted in place, a look of betrayal on his face.  He was whimpering softly in fear.
 
Oh god, Teal’c!
 
Sam stood quickly, ignoring the wave of lightheadedness that washed over her.  Turning to face Teal’c, she made sure her body shielded Jack from the Jaffa.  As she had anticipated Teal’c was standing inside the doorway, his zat raised and aimed in their direction.  Janet stood anxiously behind him, Jacob next to her, looking ready to do murder.
 
“Teal’c, get out!” she yelled breathlessly.  It hurt to talk.  “He doesn’t know you … he’s scared!”
 
Jack moaned softly behind her, incoherent and terrified.  Sam spared a backward glance at him, forcing a smile to try and placate him.  His moaning stopped; he froze, staring back at her with an intensity she had never seen before.
 
Teal’c still had his zat raised.  He looked at her pensively.  “I am only trying to protect you and your unborn child Samantha Carter.”
 
“I know that Teal’c, but he doesn’t.  Please Teal’c,” she pleaded.  She started swaying slightly, her throat was throbbing.  Jack’s grip had done more damage then simply cutting off her air, but she couldn’t let it show.  She had to help him.
 
Janet stepped forward, forcing Teal’c to lower the zat.  “She’s right, Teal’c.”  She met Sam’s eyes.  “Are you okay Sam?”
 
Sam nodded.  “I’m fine Janet,” she lied, she felt anything but okay.  “Can you get me a sedative?  There’s no way he’s gonna let you examine him.”
 
Janet nodded, and she pushed Teal'c out of the room. Jacob stayed where he was, concern shining in his eyes. "Are you sure you don't want somebody to stay in here with you, Sammy?"
 
"No Dad. I was getting through to him before; we just need to be alone." Jacob nodded and quietly left the room.
 
Sam had already turned her attention back to Jack. She wanted to sit down, she felt dizzy, but she couldn't. She didn't want to do anything to make him nervous. That same impenetrable gaze was still fixed on her. His arm drifted out to touch her cheek tentatively, as if he was trying to assure himself that she was real.
 
"Sa … Sammy?" he choked out uncertainly.  His eyes drifted down to look at her lips.  “Smile,” he muttered dreamily.  He closed his eyes, his arm dropping back to his side, as he seemed to lose himself in a memory.
 
Sam watched him uncertainly.  Smile?  What on Earth did he mean by that?  She wracked her brain trying to try and work out what he meant by his comment.  She was clueless.  “Yeah, Jack, it’s me.  It’s Sammy,” she replied, forcing a smile.
 
Jack’s eyes opened slowly and he studied her for a moment with that impenetrable stare.  A slow smile spread across the undamaged side of his face as he reached out and touched her cheek again, his fingers brushing her lips.  “Smile,” he whispered.
 
It dawned on Sam then what he meant.  “Is that what you remembered Jack, my smile?” she asked, taking his hand in hers.
 
He nodded slightly an almost child-like gesture.  “Smile.”  He squeezed her hand in his, his eyes drifting down to look at her neck.  Horror filled his features as he looked at it saw the damage he had done.  His face crumpled and tears began to course down his cheeks.  He pulled his hand out of her grip, backing away from her.
 
His back came into contact with the wall and he slid down it until he was sitting on the floor.  He buried his face in his hands, sobs shaking his shoulders.  Sam squatted down opposite him, touching his knee gently.  He tried to shake her off but she relented, moving her hand up to grip his shoulder.
 
“Jack, I know you didn’t hurt me intentionally,” she whispered, leaning in closer to him.  She gripped his wrists, pulling them away from his face.  He gave a little pained moan before she noticed the swelling of his left wrist and loosening her grip.  “Jack, look at me,” she told him forcefully.
 
His head snapped up, sad eyes focusing on hers.  Letting go of his hands she reached up to cup his face, wiping the tears away with her thumbs.  She couldn’t think of what to say to him that might calm him down.  It felt so good to be touching him, to have him there in front of her, and not just in her imagination.  She said the words that she wanted to say to him for the last two months, her voice thick with unshed tears.
 
“I love you Jack.  I’m so glad your back with me.”
 
His face lit up; relief flooding his features as a fresh bout of tears filled his eyes.  Sam shifted so she was kneeling in front of him and pulled him forward into her arms.  His arms wrapped around her, and finally she felt complete.  She melted into his arms, sobbing with him as she released two months worth of pent up grief.

**************************

Janet looked down at the sleeping form of the Colonel, a frown creasing her forehead.  How he had managed to survive his ordeal was beyond her.  She rubbed at her eyes tiredly; it was going to take months for his body to heal.  Who knew how long it would take for his mind to heal too?  He was lucky to be alive.
 
She slid down in the seat next to his bed warily and closed her eyes.  It was only the beginning, they were still running tests to try and get an idea of the extent of his injuries.  His CAT scan almost made her heart stop.  Apart from the more obvious injuries, the broken wrist, his shattered face, the CAT scan had shown breaks that were almost healed, breaks that he had had to cope with without the aid of medicine.
 
They had to wait for specialists to arrive before they could deal with most of his injuries.  As much as she hated to admit it, some of his wounds were beyond her skill to heal, so she had commissioned the help of some of the best orthopedic surgeons in the country.
 
The hard part was going to be keeping him calm until the specialists arrived.  She didn’t want to have to resort to sedating him, but if it came down to it she might have to.  Sam was the only person who seemed to be able to reach him, but she couldn’t be with him all the time.
 
Janet’s eyes opened.  Had they found her yet?  Sam had disappeared shortly after hearing the results of the CAT scan.  Teal’c, Daniel and Jacob had been scouring the base for more than an hour trying to find her.  Janet was more than a little worried for her friend; her only relief was she had been able to examine the damage to Sam’s throat before she had disappeared.
 
She knew this must be hitting Sam hard.  After so long waiting for Jack to be found, seeing the state he was in, his memory loss.  They all knew it was going to be a long, hard road to recovery for him.  Janet knew that Sam had to be scared that Jack would have lost something of himself as a result.
 
Janet had high hopes for Jack’s recovery though.  He was a fighter, he always had been.  She had seen his files, she knew that he had been to the edge of hell and come back several times.  This time was different too, this time he had motivation and support in the form of Samantha Carter and their unborn child.  He would pull through.  He would be back to himself before they knew it.
 
A head peeked through the curtain, startling her until she realized it was Daniel.  “Did you find her?” she asked before he had a chance to speak.
 
Daniel smiled and stepped into the cubicle, his gaze drifting to Jack’s sleeping form.  “Yeah, she was up on the surface.  Jacob found her; he’s with her now in her quarters.”
 
Janet let out a let sigh of relief.  She watched Daniel as he stepped up to the bed and looked sadly down at his friend.  He reached out cautiously and touched the undamaged side of Jack’s face.  “I didn’t believe we would ever get him back alive Janet,” he whispered sadly.  “Is he going to be okay?”
 
Standing, Janet closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around his waist.  “It’s Jack, Daniel, of course he’ll be okay.  He’ll bounce back just like he always does,” she replied optimistically.
 
“Of course he will,” a voice scoffed.
 
Turning they watched as Sam entered the cubicle, her eyes red and puffy from crying.  Janet’s eyes drifted down to the ugly red marks on her throat, it was just bruising, but it was a frightening sight.  Jack had done that, in a fit of confusion and fear.
 
Sam’s eyes were glued to Jack.  She crossed the cubicle and took his hand in her own, perching herself in the seat next to his bed.  “Has there been any change?”
 
“No,” Janet replied.  “But he’s exhausted, so there’s no telling when he might wake up.”
 
“Yeah I know,” Sam sighed, her gaze never wavering from Jack.  “Can we be alone please?”
 
“Sure,” Janet replied, taking a firm grip of Daniel’s arm and pulling him behind her.  “You know where I am if you need me.”  She called behind her as she made her way out of the cubicle.
 
***
 
Jack woke to a sensation that he had not felt for as long as he could remember … no pain.  The pain was still there, throbbing away but its intensity had been shaved away so it was no more than a minor annoyance.  For a fleeting moment he wondered if he was dead, then a memory flashed before him.
 
Sam.  He was back with her.  The men at his prison had told him the truth when they told him they were taking him back to her.  He was home now, if only he could remember what that home was.  The faces were all familiar to him, he felt like he should know them, but he didn’t.
 
He stretched slightly, and regretted the movement.  Pain arched through him for a brief moment before he stilled himself.  His movement was enough to feel something unexpected at his fingertips.  Hair.  He opened his eyes, tilting his head to the side enough to find out who it was.
 
The short blonde hair told him who it was instantly.  It was a little longer than it was in his memories, but it was her all the same.  Her face was looking away from him, but by her breathing he guessed she was asleep.
 
His eyes drifted around the room, taking in everything around him.  The room was bare, except for the bed he was laying on, the chair Sam was sitting on and the strange equipment around his bed.  There was only one wall at his head, and three curtains acting as walls.  He wasn’t in a cell.  Where am I?
 
There was something familiar about the room; something tickled the back of his mind, telling him that he knew this place.  He couldn’t put a name to it, couldn’t remember anything about it.  The only thing he knew was that he felt safe here.  Nothing could harm him here.
 
Sighing, he closed his eyes, he was so tired.  The glinting of something metal flashed through his mind.  He could almost feel its startling cold in contrast to the fire in his body as it scraped threateningly against his chest.  He bit his lip, trying to bit back the frustration that he felt, trying to prepare himself for the pain that was to follow.  A moan escaped his lips.  Something touched his chest, not a knife … a hand.  He let out a shout, jerking his body away from it.
 
“Jack!”  The voice was urgent and insistent.
 
His eyes shot open, he was looking up at Sam.  Her eyes were wide with worry and surprise; her hand was on his chest.  He lay there gasping for breath, unwilling to close his eyes.  Sam’s eyes held him; just looking at them helped to steady his breathing.
 
“Are you okay Jack?  What happened?”
 
Jack took her hand in his, more to convince himself that she was actually there and not just a figment of his imagination.  He smiled in relief when she squeezed his hand comfortingly.  “Memories,” he replied quietly, finally finding his voice.  It still felt strange to talk.
 
A clicking sound interrupted his thoughts, it was getting closer.  One of the curtains swung open and a petite brunette in a white overcoat stepped in.  She, like everyone and everything else looked familiar.  He had seen her the night before.
 
“What happened?” the brunette asked, moving closer to the bed, studying Jack with concern.  Instinctively, Jack shied away from her.  “It’s okay Jack, I’m not going to hurt you.  Don’t you remember me?”
 
Jack shook his head, glancing up at Sam.  “No,” he muttered, clutching at Sam’s hand like it was his lifeline.
 
“That’s okay Jack.  I’m Dr Fraiser … Janet,” she replied gently, a smile on her face.  “Now, what happened?”
 
“He said it was memories.  I think he was having a flashback or something,” Sam supplied.
 
“Oh,” Janet replied.
 
Janet’s attention shifted back to Jack.  She smiled warmly, but he could see it was forced.  A word popped into his head as he shied back further from her.  Needles.  He pushed himself back, feeling the edge of the bed under his palm and unable to explain the sudden, irrational, dislike that he was feeling.
 
“No needles … please.”
 
Janet looked at him, a mildly surprised expression on her face.  She smiled slowly, “Don’t worry Jack, no needles.”  She glanced quickly at Sam, flashing a quick, almost imperceptible grin.  “The specialists will be arriving within the hour to fix the damage to your face.”
 
Unconsciously, Jack’s hand drifted to his cheek.  Sometimes he forgot about it.  Pain had been such a constant companion to him that he had stopped paying attention to each individual ache; it was easier for him to deal with it all as a whole.  He knew he probably would have gone nuts if he hadn’t dealt with it that way.  He’d probably have given up and died.
 
“How?” he mumbled.
 
Janet sighed; perching herself down on Sam’s vacated seat.  Jack didn’t shrink away from her.  He lowered his eyes self-consciously.  He hadn’t seen his face for a long time, but it felt swollen and bloated with the numbness.
 
“I don’t exactly know what they’ll do Jack,” she replied, her voice drawing his eyes back to her.  “We may not know for certain until they examine you, but depending on the damage to the bone they might have to insert a plate in your cheek.”
 
Jack didn’t understand most of what she had just told him, though one single thought reverberated through his mind.  “Pain.”
 
Janet shifted forward in her seat slightly, her face serious.  She reached out a hand and touched his knee gently.  He flinched, but didn’t pull away; Sam seemed to trust her.  “I won’t lie to you Jack, there will be pain,” she said frankly.  “But we have medication that can ease the pain and it won’t be any worse that what you’ve already suffered.”
 
Jack nodded.  If Sam trusted her it was enough for him.  He loved her, he trusted her completely.  If she told him that someone was a friend, that he could trust them, he would believe her, even for that Jaffa that he had seen when he first got here.
 
***
 
Sam closed her eyes, resting her head back against the wall.  It was going to be a long wait, she knew that, but she was unwilling to move from where she was.  Everyone had told her to go home, to get some much-needed rest, but she couldn’t.  She had to know he was going to be okay.
 
Of course, she knew he was going to be.  He was in the hands of the best doctors the Air Force had to offer.  She was still apprehensive she couldn’t help herself.  Jack was vulnerable at the moment, more than she had ever seen him, so naturally she felt the need to protect him.
 
She felt like she was a mass of confused and conflicting emotions at the moment.  She was relieved and overjoyed to have Jack back, but she had never expected him to be in the state he was.  Granted, he was improving rapidly since that first time she had seen him in the Observation Room, but his memory was still seemed no closer to being restored.
 
It was flattering and more than a little disconcerting that he could remember her, remember their baby, and yet could not remember any specific moments of the five years they had known each other, the four months that they were together.  Would he ever get his memories back?
 
That was her fear, that he would never remember the key moments that formed their friendship, molded their feelings into what they were today.  The day she kissed him in the locker room, the time they were stuck in Antarctica, the Zatarc incident, Jonah and Thera, Jack being forced to kill her when she was possessed by the entity.  They were all integral to the unique and loving relationship they had formed, yet all he could remember were his feelings for her and not the moments that had nurtured those feelings.
 
Janet had assured her that it was the trauma, the no doubt constant injuries to his skull that had caused the amnesia.  She was confident that his memories would come back in time, especially after he remembered his aversion to Janet and needles.  Sam wanted to know how long it was going to take, and if there was anything that she could do to help it along.
 
Opening her eyes, she stood as an idea struck her.  Maybe she should go home and rest, and bring back some mementos of Jack’s past when she came back in.  Surely they might help bring his memories back.  With a sense of purpose she left the mountain and headed back home.

***************************

The woman was watching him, a cold smile on her beautiful face, and an evil gleam in her eyes.  Her eyes shifted quickly to the huge man standing next to him and moments later the pain increased a hundredfold.  He gasped; barely managing to keep himself from losing consciousness as he felt like he was being torn limb from limb.
 
“Cry out,” she taunted cruelly.  “Yell.  Beg for mercy!”  Her eyes flashed yellow, she laughed malevolently.
 
It was a trick; he had fallen for it before.  He would cry out and the pain would only increase until he passed out from it.  He wasn’t going to fall for it this time.  She barked something Goa’uldish in that deep, unsexy voice and a Jaffa stepped forward carrying the Goa’uld version of a cattle prod.
 
Jack could barely bite back the moan of terror that the sight of the weapon caused in him; sweat broke out all over his body.  He already anticipated the pain he would feel when it was pressed against his bare flesh – it was like being punched in the gut, only worse, because it felt like your whole body was on fire, like you were being torn apart with an electrical shock.  Then the convulsions started.
 
The Jaffa raised the prod, pointing it towards Jack’s throat, as he loomed menacingly closer.  His eyes mirrored the sadistic look of his Queen as he inched ever closer.  The prod raised even higher, pressing against his cheek.
 
“No!” Jack yelled, thrashing his suddenly unshackled body.  He realized his eyes were closed, and the pain he felt was different from what it should have been.  It was more centralized, and he felt groggy and nauseous.
 
He opened his eyes experimentally, expecting to find Bastet’s pernicious face hovering above his gleefully.  He sighed gratefully when his eyes were not met with that, but with the angelic face of the woman he loved.  He sank back into his pillows and closed his eyes trying to calm himself, trying to control his breathless panting and the terrified shaking of his body.
 
A weight settled on the bed, a hand gripped his firmly.  “Jack … honey.  It’s okay.  It was just a dream baby,” her voice told him soothingly.  He could feel her moving, then her other hand started smoothing his hair.  A kiss was pressed to his forehead.  “Do you want to tell me what the dream was about?”
 
“No,” Jack replied shortly, opening his eyes.  He vowed to himself that he would never tell her how he was tortured; it would upset her too much.  It upset him to even think about it.
 
Sam’s expression was laced with concern, but she seemed to understand.  She leaned forward and brushed her lips across his forehead again.  “How are you feeling?  Is there any pain?”
 
Jack closed his eyes, realizing that there was no pain, just the same numb sensation that he had grown accustomed to.  His stomach turned threateningly.  “No pain,” he mumbled.  “Numb.  Feel sick … sleepy.”
 
He didn’t want to sleep again, ever.  Sleep only brought with it nightmares, nightmares of things that he wanted to forget, not to have them constantly dredged up for him to relive over and over again.  He wanted to fall asleep and dream of his life before the torture, the life he couldn’t remember.
 
“Why don’t you go back to sleep then?” she suggested softly.
 
Jack shook his head.  His eyes slid shut unwillingly and he forced them back open.  “Nightmares,” he whispered.  He was so tired.  I can’t go back to sleep!
 
Sam shifted herself on the bed, barely managing to fit her body on it next to him.  Propping herself against his pillows, she wrapped her arms around him, drawing him closer, guiding his head against her shoulder.  “Go to sleep, Jack.  I’ll be right here.”
 
She began humming softly, a tune that he recognized but could not name.  He turned his face into her chest, listening to the sound of her heart beating, relaxed by the sound of her gentle humming.  His eyes slid shut of their own accord and he drifted into a peaceful, dreamless, slumber.
 
***
 
Jack sat propped up against the raised bed, the pillow cushioning his aching back. Sam sat next to him on the bed, holding his hand, as she cradled the stack of pictures with her other. He was looking at the photos, or rather the faces in the photos, like it was the first time.
 
Sam said it should help him remember, but he doubted that. No one looked familiar. Well except for the few people that kept coming to his room to check on him. He knew their names, but that was it. Daniel. Janet. Teal'c. The photos meant nothing to him, the names even less.
 
He stopped whenever he came across a photo of Sam. The image always took his breath away. He would then lean over and place a kiss on Sam's lips to assure himself that she was real. That he wasn't dreaming again.
 
It was agonizing that he couldn't remember his life. All his memories were gone. All except Sam. He remembered her. Or rather, he remembered what he felt for her. His love for her was something he could never forget. No matter what.
 
A new face appeared in the next photo. A young girl. She looked vaguely familiar. Why?
 
"Who's that?" Jack asked indicating the girl.
 
Sam's eyes met his, and just a flash of surprise. "You don't remember?"
 
Jack shook his head sadly as he returned his eyes to the photo. "Is she...my daughter?" His voice faded into a whisper.
 
Sam laughed lightly and he jerked his head up. He couldn't resist smiling in turn.
 
"Not exactly," she said. "She, ah, we rescued her from a dying planet. And she really took to you. Janet adopted her. We all had a hand in raising her though."
 
"What's her name?" He asked quietly.
 
"Cassandra. Cassie."
 
Images flashed through his head.
 
Several hundred feet below ground. A dark, dense, and abandoned missile silo. He was facing an elevator. Sam was standing there holding a little girl.
 
Cassie.
 
"I can take her from here now, Captain."
 
"No, sir, it's okay." Sam looked into his eyes.
 
The elevator doors closed but not before he caught a glimpse of the sorrow written on Sam's face. The elevator descends further into the complex.
 
He sees the elevator stop at the very bottom. Minutes passed. Long agonizing minutes. She should be done by now, he thought. The light on the elevator started ascending again. 28...27...26...27...28.... Wait a minute here. What was going on?
 
"Jack, she's going back down." He hears someone say beside him.
 
"The hell she is." He hits the speaker button. "Captain Carter?" No answer. "Captain Carter!?"
 
A heavy feeling filled his gut. Something was wrong. Very wrong. He talks into the speaker again. "Sam, do you read me?"
 
"Colonel, I'm staying." He hears tears in her voice. What's happened? Something was terribly wrong.
 
He couldn't let her do that. She was putting herself in unnecessary danger. "Negative."
 
"Colonel, she's awake." He heard her choke on a sob. Oh God!  His thoughts were echoed audibly beside him.
 
Silence again. He had to keep trying. "Captain, Carter. I am ordering you to get back up here, right
now." He had to get her back up here. "Right now!"
 
The silence lapses into the deep undulating abyss of nothingness. He looks at his watch. The time ticks down. 59...58...57. He urges the people standing next to him to leave while they still can. Daniel? Teal'c? They refuse to leave. He glances back to the elevator hoping against hope that the numbers will start moving again. They don't. His eyes return to his watch. He speaks unconsciously, not even sure what he is saying. His mind is focused elsewhere. 10...9...8. Oh God! They can't die. She can't die.
 
3...2...1.
 
His watch beeped. And ... nothing.
 
Maybe they were wrong about the time. Maybe they were wrong about what would happen. His thoughts are voiced again by Daniel.
 
He hits the speaker again, his hand shaking, hopefully unnoticeably. "Captain Carter, can you hear me?" Still no answer. "Sam, can you here me?" He tried to keep the desperation out of his voice.
 
"Were okay, nothing happened. Cassandra's fine, I'm fine, it didn't happen. I just...I couldn't leave her, sir." Sam said through her tears.
 
She couldn't leave her.
 
Jack was pulled out of his memories like being yanked backwards through a wormhole. He was drenched in sweat and shivering. His head was exploding. He heard a voice through the ringing in his ears. Sam.
 
He opened his eyes that he didn't know were closed and stared into Sam's face. She looked scared. He couldn't blame her. He was pretty freaked out himself. He sat there for a moment, unmoving. Only his eyes shifting amongst his surroundings.
 
"Jack?" Sam whispered standing in front of her.
 
Somehow he had managed to get out of bed and was standing on the cold floor of the private infirmary room. He was in a defensive, yet harmless stance. Sam had that wide-eyed look on her face. The one he'd seen so many times since he'd come back. If this was this bad for him, it couldn't be any better for her.
 
He stepped backwards and collapsed on the bed. He held his head in his hands. Too many things were spinning through his head.
 
"Jack?" Sam's voice was closer, right beside him.
 
He felt her arms go around him. Her lips were right next to his ear, whispering consoling and loving words. When his headache subsided, he removed his hands from his head and put them around Sam's comforting body.
 
Touched by Sam's patience with him, he felt she deserved to know what just happened. Or at least try to tell her. As he was really kind of lost himself.
 
"I remembered something." His voice was barely above a whisper.
 
Sam pulled back slightly and looked at him waiting for his response. "What did you remember?"
 
"Cassie. When we took her to that missile silo. And you didn't leave her behind. I was so scared for both of you. I couldn't lose either of you. I couldn't lose you." He dropped his eyes from hers as emotion overtook him.
 
Sam sat there stunned. She was amazed that that one memory had stuck out in his mind. That he'd had feelings for her back then was somewhat surprising. She had only begun to become aware of her attraction to him at the time, uncertain as to what she did feel. She had only just become accustomed to his authoritative decisions and strength in the short time that they had been assigned together. When she had to reject his command and go with her own instincts, it nearly killed her. But she had to do it; she couldn't leave Cassie, a sick, scared, lonely little girl, behind. If she had to make the decision again, she wouldn't do it differently. If she’d known then what Jack had felt for her the decision would have been a bit more difficult, however.
 
She brought her hands to his face to bring his eyes to meet hers. Turmoil and tears were roiling around inside, fighting for domination.
 
"But you knew I had to do it. Didn't you, Jack?" she asked, her voice soft.
 
"I knew. I would have done the same thing. I just never wanted you put in danger. I know it sounds stupid. I'm sure when we signed up for this job we knew there'd be risks, but I just..." Jack drifted off, his eyes closing momentarily.
 
"You just felt you should have done more," Sam said finishing his thought.
 
Jack opened his eyes meeting hers again, a single tear slid down his cheek. "Yeah."
 
Sam gathered him into her arms, cherishing the feel of his own arms around her. At the moment she didn't care that she was the one offering comfort. She had been without his embrace for so long that anything was good enough for her right then. She knew that it would take quite a while for Jack to heal. His body would be back in shape in no time, but his mind...that was another story. His mind was in a fragile state. Not only was he going to have to recover from emotional trauma, but he would have to regain his memory also. She could only imagine what it was like to have a jigsaw memory, and having to battle to put everything back into place.
 
She was going to be there every step of the way. She would be there for him as he had been for her when she had lost her vision.
 
It wasn't because she felt indebted to him, but because she loved him.

****************************

Jack, still confined to bed rest, was starting to get restless. His lunch tray was sitting in front of him nearly untouched. Occasionally he would pick at some mystery morsel with his fork, although it never reached his mouth.
 
He had urged Sam to go home and get some rest, but she refused. She did however; concede to going to the commissary to grab a bite to eat.
 
That left him alone with his thoughts and memories; or lack thereof. He winced as he thought about it. His head hurt from trying to remember things. The only solid thing he remembered was of Cassie. Then he recalled the flashes of Sam he'd gotten while still in Bastet's clutches. They seemed like memories, but he wasn't sure. He didn't have anything substantial to rely on. He would have to ask Sam about it, she could tell him.
 
He tossed his fork down for the umpteenth time, and this time pushed the tray and cart out of reach. He leaned back, resting his head against his pillow and closed his eyes. He had a massive headache. Maybe when that doctor came back ... What was her name ... Fraiser ... I'll ask her to give me something for it. Just as long as it isn't a shot, he added as an afterthought.
 
The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he was mentally transported to another place. And another time?
 
A dark room. He tried to move, but his body wasn't cooperating. It was too hard to move. He dropped his head from pain and fatigue, and saw he was sitting on a cot.
 
A noise from the opposite side of the room caught his attention. He jerked his head up, which turned out to be a bad thing to do. The window panel in the door was slid open, letting in a small shaft of light. The door opens shortly thereafter.
 
A military guard and an infirmary orderly carry in a stocky, bald man in a straight jacket.
 
"Sorry Colonel O'Neill, but your private room just became semi-private."
 
Jack follows the voice in the still somewhat darkened room. A woman is framed in the doorway, her white lab coat distinguishing her status and importance.
 
He remained silent, unsure of what was happening. He couldn't think straight. His mind was a muddled mess.
 
"We're running out of places to put all the victims. We've used the brigs, we've used the temp quarters; some of the storage rooms..." She spoke, her explanation drifting off into a frustrated sigh. She starts to walk towards the door, when he tries to speak.
 
It's so hard to speak. His throat feels dry and constricted and he can't think.
 
"Doc...doc..." He finally manages to croak out.
 
The doctor stops and turns to face him. "Did you say something?"
 
Feeling confident that he had her attention, he tried once more.
 
"Give...more..."
 
Oh, it hurt so badly. Why did he hurt so badly? He dropped his head, once again overcome with pain. A shadow loomed overhead.
 
"What? Give more what?" He heard her ask clearly confused. She kneeled down in front of him.
 
He looked into her eyes, needing her to understand.
 
"More..."He held his arm out, gesturing for relief from the pain.
 
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "An injection? You mean you want more sedative? You've already had more than the maximum safe dosage. Twice as much as anyone else because you've been more violent."
 
"Give."
 
She stood up. "No. It's not safe."
 
"GIVE," He yelled, but it soon dropped to a whisper.
 
"Why are you so insistent?"
 
He can't respond, only to hold out his arm again. The doctor sighs as she gives in to his request. The orderly steps up with an injection at her request. She kneels down in front of him again and rolls up the sleeve of his shirt. She taps her fingers on his arm to find the appropriate place to insert the needle. He watches as the needle is inserted into his arm. The sedative was slowly released into his bloodline. He drops his head again as he loses all control of his senses.
 
Through the fog in his mind he hears the doctor talking. "...must have been in a lot of pain."
The fog clears suddenly and he jerks his head up and focuses on the doctor. "Docccccc......"
 
The doctor whips around and stares at him. "Colonel O'Neill?"
 
He moves his head up and down trying to force the words out of his muddled brain and out of his mouth. Somehow he managed to tell her an affirmative answer.
 
The doctor...Doctor Fraiser...kneeled down in front of him. She smiles at him, realizing that it is indeed him. "So you are still in there somewhere."
 
His throat is still constricted, but he can think somewhat better. "Dream...dream?" He asks, confused.
 
Fraiser looks at him solemnly. "I'm afraid not, Colonel, it's very real. This is interesting...sedative must knock back the primitive mind. Colonel, listen to me. I am not going to be able to keep you at this level for very long. It is too dangerous. It could cause permanent brain damage."
 
He can make out most of what she was saying. "What? Wha-- what is it?"
 
He can see her mouth moving but he can't hear anything. He mentally pulls himself together. He strains his ears, so he can concentrate on what she was saying.
 
"It's a parasitic virus. All we can tell is that it seems to mess with body chemicals - all of them. Testosterone levels skyrocket, thus the aggressive behavior. It's a histamine-alytic, which means it breaks down histamine."
 
He got an idea. He really hoped she would take it, because he was going crazy. "Experiment."
 
Fraiser looks bewildered and Jack tries to explain the best that he can. "Experiment. On... me."
 
"Experiment on you?" Fraiser shakes her head, clearly understanding what he is talking about now. "No Sir I can't do that." She drops her head.
 
Jack reaches out his hand and lifts her chin, forcing her eyes to his. He had to make her understand.
 
"Use me."
 
Fraiser drops her head. She reaches her hand out and takes hold of his hand.
 
Jack flashed out of the memory, shaking and gripping the guardrails.  He gasped for breath; the image had come in such a breathless rush.  He closed his eyes, forcing himself to take deep, shuddering breaths.
 
“Are you alright Jack?” a woman’s voice said from the doorway.
 
His eyes shot open to find Janet standing framed in the door.  She took a cautious step forward, her expression concerned.  Jack couldn’t think straight.  He watched her step deeper in the room, moving closer to him.
 
“I can trust you,” he murmured, more to himself than her.
 
Her brow furrowed with puzzlement.  “Jack, what’s wrong?”  She was standing at his bedside now.  She looked like she was ready to reach out and touch him, but something held her back at the last instant.
 
Hesitantly he reached out and touched her hand, the tips of his fingers brushing the back of her hand. "I...I...remember you. I can trust you."
 
***
 
Sam made her way to Jack's quarters. Janet had wanted to keep a close eye on Jack after his surgery, however he was becoming restless. He no longer wanted to stay in the infirmary, so Janet agreed to partially releasing him. He still was required to remain on base for observation, but she permitted him to move to his private quarters, as they were more comfortable.
 
His door was closed when Sam reached it, and she didn't want to wake him if by chance he was asleep. She turned the knob quietly and stepped into the room.
 
The soft light of the bedside lamp cast a surreal glow on the room. Her eyes went immediately to the bed. Not seeing Jack there, she scanned the room until she spotted him sitting in the chair in the corner.
 
Jack's eyes were closed, and he was slumped in the chair appearing to be asleep. In fact he looked quite uncomfortable. But any sleep was better than no sleep, Sam thought.
 
She took a blanket off of the bed and draped it across his shoulders. She kissed him gently on the forehead when he spoke.
 
"You know, you were with me every night." Sam had to strain to hear him; he said it so softly.
 
"What?" She didn't understand what he was talking about.
 
"When I was ... captured ... you were with me." Jack opened his eyes. They connected with hers, and it was as if he could see clear to her soul.
 
He went on. "I didn't know who you were most of the time. I just knew I loved you. And that you loved me. Whenever I was...hurting...you were there with me ... smiling at me ... loving me."
 
Sam hung his every word. She wasn't sure what to think. Jack hadn't really talked about the time he was in captivity. He had been avoiding the entire subject. But this...this was something new. Something that she didn't know how to take. She was fascinated, yet bemused.<