"The Choice" by Karen

TITLE: The Choice

AUTHOR: Karen

SPOILERS: Seasons 1-3

RATING: NC-17

WARNING: Sexual situations, Language

SUMMARY: Jack has to make a choice which changes many things.

ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack, yes; Heliopolis, yes; anyone else, please ask.

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 is owned by Showtime Networks, MGM/UA, Double Secret, Gekko, et.al. I own nothing but the plot of this story.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I got the idea for this story after I read the Scream challenge which was, what would be the consequences of Jack having to choose between saving Laira or Sam. I don't know if I answered the challenge, but I wanted to acknowledge it as giving me the inspiration for the story.

***************************************************************************

SG-1 stood in the embarkation room waiting for the wormhole to be established. They were 'gating to Edora to assist the mining team with some artifacts they had excavated.

Major Sam Carter stood a little apart from her teammates. She did not want to go back to Edora, but she really had no choice in the matter. So many SG teams were down with the flu that SG-1 was one of only three complete teams that were still healthy. Since SG-3 and SG-7 were off-world on other missions, SG-1 was the only team available.

So, here she was, preparing to go to the planet where Colonel O'Neill had been trapped for three months. She took a deep breath and prepared herself mentally for the ordeal.

"SG-1, you have a go." General Hammond gave the order from the observation room.

Colonel O'Neill turned and gave a salute to the general and led his team through the stargate.

************

SG-1 arrived at the mining site and Daniel Jackson and Teal'c began examining the artifacts the mining team had unearthed.

"Clearly not goa'uld in origin," Teal'c said, looking closely at the fragment of metal in his hand.

Daniel took the fragment and looked at it too. "You're right, Teal'c." He called Sam over. "Sam, what do you think?"

Sam took the fragment from Daniel and looked at it closely. "It doesn't look goa'uld." She pulled out her test kit and applied a little acid compound to the metal. "The acid doesn't cause any effect. It's an alloy I'm not familiar with."

"Interesting." Daniel took back the artifact and put it in the box he'd brought specifically for that purpose.

"Captain," Sam caught the attention of the officer in charge of the site, "could you show me where the artifacts were found?"

"Yes, Major Carter," he gestured toward the excavation. "This way." Just then a faint explosion was heard. At Sam's start of surprise, he said, "We're using some explosives to unearth the naquada. Nothing really powerful, just enough power to loosen the dirt." He led her down toward the excavation site.

The colonel came up beside Daniel. "Daniel, where's Carter?" he asked. Daniel looked up from his study of the artifacts.

"She went with Captain Parker to see the site where the artifacts were found." Daniel gestured over his shoulder. "They went that way." Daniel focused his attention back on a small statuette made of the same metal, and the colonel went off in the direction Daniel had indicated.

A woman approached Daniel a few minutes later. "Excuse me," she said quietly. Daniel and Teal'c looked up from their work and received quite a shock. It was Laira.

"Laira, hi," he said, a little uncomfortably. "Fair day." Teal'c nodded at her.

"Fair day, Daniel Jackson, Teal'c," she said with a smile. "I heard that Jack was here."

"Um, yes, he is." Daniel turned and looked toward the mining excavation. "He's over in that direction."

"Thank you, Daniel." Laira headed off in the same direction that Jack had. Daniel watched her as she went. Boy, was Jack in for a shock! Daniel counted back in his mind how many months it had been since they had rescued Jack when he'd been stranded here. About seven months.

And Laira looked like she was about seven months pregnant.

************

"Carter," Colonel O'Neill said, "you got a handle on this artifact excavation thing?"

"Yes, sir," she said. "I'm taking some pictures of the area, too."

"Good." He turned back and looked toward where Daniel was cleaning up the artifacts. He saw a figure approaching. It appeared to be a pregnant woman. 'Damn, what's a pregnant woman doing coming out here?' he thought. "Carter, I'm gonna head on back to Daniel's position. Take notes."

Sam chuckled. "Yes, sir." Even if she did take notes, he wouldn't read them, but she pulled out her pocket recorder and began describing the area.

Jack headed on back toward the woman who was moving slowly through the work area. As he drew closer to her, he realized who the pregnant woman was. It was Laira. And she was pregnant with his child.

***********************

Laira waved when she saw Jack coming near her. She was pleased to see him.

"Laira," he called. Suddenly, the ground shook around them, and a loud rumble sounded. A hole opened up under their feet and they slid down. Jack blacked out.

The sound of crying greeted him when he finally came to. Everyone was rushing around trying to help the injured.

"Jack!" a voice called. "Jack!" It was Laira. Looking around, he spied her trapped under some rubble.

"Help!" he heard another voice calling. "Help me!" He recognized the voice, it was Major Carter's. "Please, help me." Then the voice went silent.

"Jack, help me!" Laira called again. Jack made a swift decision. He ran to Laira.

"Laira, are you hurt?" he asked, going down on his knees beside her.

"My leg is hurt, and I think the baby is coming." She looked up at him in distress. Quickly, Jack started digging her leg free from the rubble that held it trapped. Finally, he had her free, and lifted her in his arms. While rushing back toward the area where the mining team had their headquarters, he was met by Teal'c.

"O'Neill, the medical teams are arriving through the stargate at this time." Teal'c reached over and took Laira from him. "I will see that she receives care."

"Thanks, Teal'c." Jack turned and scanned the area of the explosion.

"Where is Major Carter?" Teal'c asked. "I do not see her."

"Carter." He remembered the weak voice calling for help. "Oh, no!" he exclaimed, and headed back in the direction he'd heard her voice. "Carter!" he called over and over again. "Carter!" He searched the area, almost giving up hope, when he saw a flash of gold. It was Carter's hair, she'd lost her cap in the explosion. "Sam!" He ran to her and knelt down by her side. She had some kind of head injury, and a large rock was against her side. "Probably broken ribs. Who knows what else is broken." He felt for her wrist. At first, he thought she was dead, then he felt a faint pulse. "Thank God. All right, major. We'll get you out of here." He started pulling the debris away from her body, trying to move quickly, but carefully. He didn't want her injuries to be worsened by his carelessness in moving her. By the time he had her free, a medical team had made it to his position. "Be careful with her," he said. She was badly injured, but at least she was still alive.

The medical team rushed her to the makeshift tent where Dr. Janet Fraiser had set up a triage area. She was directing the injured to different areas. When Sam was brought in, she rushed to her. Janet examined her quickly, but thoroughly.

"I can't help her here. Get her back to the SGC, stat!" Janet pulled off the latex gloves she'd been wearing. "Get her prepped for immediate surgery!" She started off after the med team, when Jack grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"She's gonna be okay, isn't she?"

Janet shook her head. "I don't know, colonel. It looks pretty bad." Janet jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "Your girlfriend is fine. Sprained ankle, and the contractions stopped. Congratulations, colonel." She pulled away from him and headed for the stargate to return home and try to save Sam.

Jack was torn. He wanted to return to the SGC to make sure Sam was going to be all right, but he had a duty to Laira and the child she carried. He moved to where she was resting on a small cot.

"Laira." Jack sat down on the edge of the cot. "I didn't know. . ." His voice faded out as he indicated her state.

"I know, Jack," she said with a smile. "The child is yours, but I came to tell you that I have wed Paynan. You remember him don't you?" At Jack's nod, she reached over and took his hand. "He asked me after you left for your world." She placed his hand on her belly. "You may see your child whenever you wish, though. Paynan understands this."

"Thanks, Laira." He stood. "I need to leave. One of my team was severely injured in the explosion, and I need to get back and check on her."

"It was Sam?" she asked, a look of concern on her face.

"Yes, it was." Jack nodded. "It doesn't look good."

"Then go, Jack," she said, smiling. "I hope that she will recover fully. Fair day, Jack."

"Fair day, Laira." Jack turned and left the triage tent. He followed the medical team that was carrying another injured SGC member through the stargate.

************

Sam was in surgery for a long time. Even when she was being moved, she never regained consciousness. After the surgery, she lapsed into a coma. Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c took up a vigil in the infirmary, waiting and hoping she would wake up.

Jack felt guilty. Janet had told him that if Sam had gotten help faster, she might not be in a coma now, and she'd probably be on her way to recovery. He should have gone to Sam first. Laira was okay, just a few scrapes and a sprained ankle, she didn't even go into labor. Sam, though, Sam had a head injury, broken ribs, internal injuries, and a compound fracture of the tibia. She was busted up so bad.

Daniel sat on the hard plastic chair in the waiting area watching Jack pace back and forth. He recognized the signs. Jack was feeling guilty and blaming himself for what had happend to Sam. He could almost tell word for word what was going through Jack's mind, the self-flagellation he was putting himself through. No one blamed him for Sam's condition. He'd had no way of knowing that she was hurt so badly, and Laira was pregnant with his baby. She could have gone into labor from the physical stress and the injuries. It was just one of those things that happened, but Jack wouldn't accept that. He considered that Sam's condition was all his fault, and nothing anyone said could make him change his mind.

When Janet came out of Sam's room, the three men converged on her.

"How is she, Doc?" Jack asked. "Any change?"

"No, no change, colonel," she answered, looking at each man in turn. "She's still in a coma." She took pity on the three men. "Why don't you go on home, there's nothing you can do here. I know that the general has put you on stand-down. Get some rest."

"Yes, Janet, that's a good idea," Daniel said quietly. "We can all use some rest." He put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "Come on, Jack, let's go."

Jack shrugged off Daniel's hand. "I'm not leaving." He walked away and stood in front of the door to Sam's room.

"O'Neill, there is nothing you can do for Major Carter," Teal'c said. "Dr. Fraiser will inform us of any change in her condition."

"I said I'm not leaving!" Jack turned and glared at them. "It's my fault that she's in there, and I'm not leaving!"

Janet shook her head at Daniel and Teal'c. "You two go on ahead. I'll take care of the colonel." Daniel looked at Jack, uncertain as to whether he should go, then he nodded.

"Come on, Teal'c," he said. "Let's go." The two men turned and walked down the hallway, away from the infirmary.

Janet turned back to the colonel. If he kept this up, she'd end up with another patient. "Sir, your being here really won't help Major Carter any, and you need to get some rest."

"I'll rest when she wakes up." He turned and looked at her with red-rimmed eyes. "Please, let me stay Janet."

She started to protest, then she relented. What harm could it do Sam? None that she could see. "Would you like to see her?"

Jack's eyes brightened. "Yes, please, I'd appreciate that, Doc." Janet opened the door to Sam's room and led him to her bedside.

"You can talk to her. I'm not sure if she can hear you, but it probably won't hurt." She checked the monitors, then turned back to Jack who was staring at Sam lying so still and silently in the bed, a white bandage around her head. "You can talk to her for a while, but then I want you to get some rest." When he started to protest, she raised her hand. "You can sleep there," she pointed to the bed beside Sam's. "It's better than no rest at all."

"Thanks, Doc." Jack pulled up a chair beside Sam's bed and took her hand. Janet went to the door, then turned back to look. Jack had Sam's hand in both of his, talking softly to her. She left him to have some privacy.

"Sam, I'm so sorry this happened." A tear slipped down his face, and he hastily brushed it away. "I should've taken care of you, made sure you were okay." He stroked her hand softly. "Please, please wake up." He held her hand against his cheek. "Please, Sam, wake up."

************************

After a week of down time, SG-1 went back on duty. Captain Bradley from SG-8 was temporarily reassigned to take Major Carter's place. He was a good, conscientious, bright young man, but in the opinion of the other SG-1 members, he was no Sam Carter. O'Neill accepted his presence on the team as a necessity, but that was all. For the next three weeks, when the team was on downtime or on base duty, Jack spent as much time with the still comatose Sam as he could, talking to her and sometimes even reading to her. He did a lot of research on coma patients and one article had said the mental stimulation was good for them, so that's what he did.

Janet began to grow more and more doubtful as to Sam's eventual recovery. The longer she stayed in a coma, the less likely she was to come out of it. It was still possible, but as time passed it became more and more unlikely that it would happen. She made arrangements for Sam to be transferred to a long-term care facility.

When Jack found out about Janet's plans for Sam, he had a fit about it, refusing to allow it to happen.

"Dammit, Doc, Sam needs to be here near us," he argued. "She's gonna wake up soon, and she needs to be with people she knows when that happens."

Janet felt for him and the rest of Sam's teammates, but someone needed to be realistic about this. "Colonel, the more time that passes the less likely it is that she'll come out of the coma." She tried persuasion. "Sir, she needs more specialized care than we're able to give her here. She'll be better cared for." She might as well have been talking to the walls.

"No, I won't allow it." And with that he had stalked off to Sam's room to sit with her.

For the sake of peace, she postponed the move, but only until he was safely off-world on a mission. Then she would make sure Sam was moved with a minimum of disturbance. O'Neill would be extremely upset when he returned and Sam was gone, but she could live with it.

On the day of the move, SG-1 was on a mission to P1J-433. They were to be gone for twenty-four hours, giving Janet plenty of time to get Sam moved. As soon as SG-1 was through the gate, she summoned the medical corpsmen.

Supervising them closely, making sure they didn't reinjure Sam's almost healed ribs, she had them gently lift her from the bed onto a gurney. They weren't careful enough, however, and she slipped out of their hands, falling the few inches onto the gurney. And Sam gasped and turned her head.

Janet was by her side in a flash. "Sam," she said, putting her hand on Sam's cheek, "Sam, are you awake?" Sam's eyes opened.

"Janet?" came the rusty, whispered response.

"Yes, Sam." Janet sent a thankful prayer up to the heavens. "Yes, Sam, it's me."

"Thirsty," came the rusty whisper again.

"Hang on, sweetie, we'll get you a little ice," Janet told her, tears running down her face. Turning to the nurse she said, "Go." The nurse took off to get ice chips, running down the hall.

"Sam, honey, don't try to talk-" Janet started to say, but Sam's whisper cut her off.

"Dark, why are the lights off?" There was confusion written all over her face.

"Sh, don't say anything else." The nurse came in with the ice chips, and Janet took a spoon and put a few in Sam's mouth, wetting her parched throat. "Is that better?"

Sam nodded. When she spoke again, her voice was a little clearer. "Why is it so dark in here, Janet?" She turned her head from side to side. "Is there a blackout?"

A look of horror slid over Janet's face. "Just hold on a minute, sweetie, let me check something." Pulling out her penlite, she checked the pupils of Sam's eyes. They were responsive, but obviously, she couldn't see. "Sam," she began a little hesitantly, "honey, the lights are on."

"But Janet, I can't see!" Sam started to panic. "I can't SEE!" Janet put her arms around her. "I can't see." She cried until she finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

************

When SG-1 returned from off-world, Janet was meeting with General Hammond, discussing Sam's condition.

"Sir, the MRI showed damage in an area of Major Carter's brain that controls her vision." Janet explained, showing him the scan. "It may reverse in time, but it's not very likely."

Hammond sighed. If Major Carter's vision was permanently damaged, there was no place for her in the Air Force. She would be honorably discharged with a medical pension. Not much for someone who had saved the planet several times over. And when Colonel O'Neill returned from his mission, he would not be happy about this either. He had taken responsibility upon himself for Major Carter's injuries, even though it wasn't his fault. As a leader, he felt that when any of his team was injured, it was his responsibility, but this one seemed personal, as if he was personally responsible for Major Carter's condition. Hammond focused his attention once more on Dr. Fraiser.

"Could a specialist be called in to examine Major Carter?" he asked Janet, hoping that there might be *some* way to save Major Carter's sight and her career.

"I was going to suggest that, sir." Janet pulled out a file folder. "The Air Force has one of the best neurologists in the country, Dr. Phyllis Strauss." Janet opened the folder and scanned the contents. "She's stationed in Germany right now, but she does consultations. With permission, sir, I'd like to contact her." Janet looked at Hammond hopefully. "She may be able to do something for Sam, and, personally, I think the Air Force owes her that much."

"I agree with you, Dr. Fraiser." Hammond reached for the folder. "I'll take this information and get in touch with her right away."

"Thank you, sir." Janet smiled gratefully at him. "I won't tell Sam about this until it's been finalized."

"You're welcome, doctor. You're right, it *is* the least we owe Major Carter." He looked down at the folder, then back up at Janet. "How is she taking this?"

"As well as can be expected, sir." Janet didn't mention the fact that Sam had cried long and hard when she realized that she was blind. "She's resting now."

Hammond nodded. "Good." At that moment the stargate activated, signaling an incoming traveler. "Dismissed, Dr. Fraiser." He nodded at her, and then he headed on to the control room to greet SG-1. He wasn't looking forward to Colonel O'Neill's reaction when he told him about Major Carter's blindness.

"It's SG-1's signal, sir," the technician said when he entered the room.

"Open the iris," Hammond ordered. The technician obliged, and almost immediately afterward SG-1 stepped through the event horizon. "Welcome home, SG-1," he said over the intercom. "Meet me in the briefing room right now," he ordered, then he headed that way. This was one meeting he was dreading.

************************

SG-1 dropped their field packs off and headed up the stairs toward the briefing room, curious as to why Hammond wanted to debrief so soon. Usually, they had their post mission physicals first, then they could clean up before the debriefing. Jack had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach about this. He knew it was about Sam.

The four men filed into the briefing room, Captain Bradley sitting in Sam's usual seat. Jack glared at him, but to no avail. They guy was almost as much a geek as Daniel, and he was oblivious to any tension or bad feelings. Hammond entered the room soon after they did, and just looked at them. Now, Jack knew that something wasn't right.

"Gentlemen, I have some news about Major Carter's condition," the general said. "There's both good news and bad news." He took a deep breath, then gave them the good news first. "Major Carter is out of the coma." This news was greeted by happy exclamations from Sam's teammates. Hammond held up his hand asking for silence. "There's more. It appears that Major Carter is blind." Shock was apparent on all four men's faces. They knew what that meant. The Air Force didn't have blind officers. "Dr. Fraiser says that her vision center was damaged." Jack jumped up from his seat.

"Can we see her?" Daniel asked.

"Not right now, son. Major Carter is resting, and Dr. Fraiser will be here in a moment to tell you what she told me." About five seconds after he said that, Janet walked into the room.

"Doc, there's gotta be a mistake, Sam can't be blind." Jack couldn't believe it. He stared anxiously at Janet, hoping that she was shout *April Fool* or something.

"I'm sorry, colonel, it's true." She looked at the men who were at the heart of Sam's life. "Her brain was damaged in the center that controls vision. The prognosis isn't good. It appears that Major Carter will most likely be permanently blind." She looked at General Hammond, who nodded to her.

"Thank you, Dr. Fraiser. SG-1, you're dismissed." With that, the general rose and left the conference room. He was on his way to his office to see about getting this Dr. Strauss that Dr. Fraiser had told him about to examine Major Carter. Until he heard otherwise, he wasn't about to give up just yet.

Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c remained in their seats around the conference table. Janet looked at them with pity. They were all so close, and now this had come between them. Colonel O'Neill especially looked stricken. Now, he would blame himself for Sam's blindness.

"Sam's asleep right now, but she should be awake in a little while. Why don't you come on down to the infirmary and have your physicals, then you can see her," Janet suggested. They all rose from the table and followed her to the infirmary, where they had their physicals.

When they were all done, Janet came to tell them that Sam was awake and wanting to see them. They went down the hall to her room and paused at her door.

"She's still weak, but she's much better," Janet told them. "Just treat her as naturally as possible." Janet opened the door, and led them inside. Sam was lying in the bed, her broken leg propped on pillows under the blanket, the bandage that had been on her head had been removed and her hair brushed. Just looking at her you'd never know that she was blind. "Sam, you have some visitors."

Daniel and Teal'c walked forward, and Daniel took her hand. "Hi, Sam," he said softly. "It's good to see you awake."

"Daniel," she said, smiling. "Where are Teal'c and the colonel?" She turned her face toward the doorway where Jack still stood, his face pale.

"I am here, Major Carter," Teal'c said, coming around the bed and taking her other hand. "I am pleased that you are conscious."

Sam smiled. "Thanks, Teal'c," she said. "Where's the colonel?"

Daniel turned toward the door where Jack still stood. Jack looked from Sam to Daniel and shook his head, then he turned and left the room. "Jack, well, he's, uh, in a meeting with General Hammond." Daniel threw an imploring look at Teal'c, asking him not to say anything. Teal'c nodded in response.

"Oh." Sam's face was pensive. "I thought- never mind. I'm glad you guys are here." She was hurt that the colonel hadn't come to see her. She had thought that he might at least want to see how she was doing. But, now, with this blindness thing, it pretty much put an end to her career in the Air Force, so technically he wouldn't be her CO for much longer, therefore, he would have no interest in her welfare.

Daniel saw the hurt on Sam's face. 'Jack, so help me, I'm gonna kick your ass!' he thought. He and Teal'c stayed a while longer until Janet ran them out of the infirmary. Daniel and Teal'c went in search of Jack, looking for him everywhere on base. Finally, he called the sentry at the entrance of the base and asked if he'd seen Colonel O'Neill. The sentry told him that he'd left over an hour before. Daniel and Teal'c decided that they would have to go to O'Neill's house and find out why he wouldn't see Sam.

When they arrived at Jack's house, all the lights were off and heavy metal rock music was playing at what had to be the highest volume level on Jack's stereo. Daniel banged on the door, but he got no response.

"No, wonder," he told Teal'c, "he can't hear me over that noise." Daniel pulled out the key Jack had given him in case of an emergency and opened the door. "Jack," he called. Receiving no answer, he walked over to a lamp and turned on the light.

"Dammit, turn the fucking light off!" Jack shouted. He was sitting on the floor in front of the sofa, a nearly empty bottle of scotch in his hand. "Get the fuck out of my house!" Daniel ignored him and walked over to the stereo, turning it off.

"No, Jack, we won't get out of your house." He walked over and stood in front of Jack. "Why did you hurt Sam like that? She wanted to see you."

Jack laughed bitterly, then took another drink out of the bottle. "That's just it, she can't see." He scrubbed his free hand over his face. "And it's my fault." He downed the rest of the bottle, and tried to get up, intending to get another. He was unsteady, and slipped, falling to the floor. He lay there and put his arm over his eyes.

"Oh, so drinking yourself to death is going to help the situation, right, Jack?" Daniel asked sarcastically. "Come on, Teal'c, help me get him to bed. He's got to sleep this one off." Teal'c went over and took one of Jack's arms and Daniel took the other. They managed to get him up, into the bedroom, and on the bed. "Sleep it off, Jack. Whether or not you want to, you're going to see Sam tomorrow." Daniel and Teal'c left the room, closing the door behind them.

************

"Hey, Jacky-boy, wakey, wakey, wakey!" Daniel leaned over and shook Jack. "Wake up, Jack!" he said loudly.

"He is not responding, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said. He lifted the bucket of water. "Should I use this?"

Daniel looked from the bucket to Jack. "Well, let's give him another minute, we'll use this as a last resort."

"Dammit, Daniel, if you pour that damned water on me, you're dead." Jack groaned at the sound of his own voice. "Just go away and let me die." He rolled over and put the pillow over his aching head.

"No, Jack, you're getting up and getting cleaned up." Daniel ripped the pillow from over Jack's head. "You're going to see Sam today." He reached over and grabbed Jack's tee shirt and dragged him up.

"You'd better get your fucking hands off of me, Daniel," Jack threatened, glaring at Daniel through squinted eyes.

"Teal'c." The aforementioned stepped forward when Daniel said his name. "Get him."

Teal'c picked Jack up and threw him over his shoulder, heading for the bathroom where Daniel had the shower going. He carefully placed him in the stall and Daniel aimed the shower nozzle at him full force.

"Shit!" Jack exclaimed, choking on the water as it hit him in the face. "Daniel, you coulda let me take off my clothes."

"Take them off now, then." Daniel shut the door to the shower. "And get a move on!"

He stomped out of the bathroom, Teal'c following closely behind.

************

Jack stood at the door to Sam's room. He wanted to see her, but he didn't feel like he could stand seeing her blind. It was his fault she was in this condition. Taking a deep breath, he knocked.

"Come in." Sam's voice came through the door. Jack opened it and stepped inside, closing it after him. "Who is it?" she asked. Jack felt his guts twist in remorse.

"It's me." He forced the words through his lips.

"Colonel." Her face was wreathed in a smile. "I'm so glad you came to see me." She indicated the chair by the bed. "Please sit down." He did as she asked, and she turned her face towards him. "How did you meeting yesterday with the general go?" She asked.

"What? Oh, okay, fine." Jack shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "How are you feeling, major?" Those blue eyes were still turned toward him. He studied her face closely. She really didn't look any different.

"Better, according to Janet, but you couldn't tell it by me." Sam grinned, letting him know she was joking. "No, really, I do feel better. I'm starting to get used to . . . things." Her smiled faded somewhat, then brightened again. "Airman Green came by to see me."

"Airman Green?" Jack had no idea who she was talking about.

"From the mining team, he set the explosives that . . .well, you know." She shook her head in puzzlement. "The poor kid apologized about what happened. It wasn't his fault."

'Yeah,' Jack thought. 'It was my fault.' Aloud he said, "Really?"

"Yes, he had no idea that there was a gas pocket under the area he had mined." Janet had read the investigators' report on the accident to her. "It was just an accident, nobody's fault."

"What else did Janet tell you?" He stood and took her hand. "Did she mention anything else that happened concerning the incident?"

"No, why should she? Did anything else happen that I should know about?" she questioned, a look of curiosity on her pale face.

"No, I guess not." He reached over and touched her cheek. She started in surprise. "You look tired. Why don't you get some rest? I'll come back later." He would, too. He should have talked to her yesterday, but his lack of courage had caused her pain once again. Daniel had told him how hurt and disappointed she'd been that he hadn't seen her. Well, no more.

"Okay, sir." She smiled sweetly at him. "I do feel drained. I'll be glad when I have my full strength back and my leg is healed." He turned to leave, but she stopped him. "Sir, I'm really glad you came to see me."

"Sure, major. I'll be back later." He went to the door and opened it.

"Bye, sir." Sam turned her head and closed her eyes.

"Bye, Carter." Jack walked out the door and closed it behind him. He was going to make all of this up to her, somehow, someway. He had to.

************************

After the colonel left, Sam lay there just thinking about his visit. He'd been uncomfortable around her, she could tell from his voice. A tear slipped from her eye and she quickly wiped it away. Crying over what had happened did no good. It didn't make anything she had lost come back. Her vision was gone, as was her career. And now it looked like her colonel was gone, too. The story about his meeting with the general yesterday had been bogus. He just hadn't wanted to see her. Probably the only reason he came by today was probably because Daniel had shamed him into coming. Tear after tear slipped free from her eyes. 'Damn it,' she said to herself. 'Only thing they're good for is tears.' Taking the edge of the sheet she wiped her face dry. "No more crying," she said aloud. "No more crying."

************

After he left Sam's room, Jack sought out Janet. He found her in the cubbyhole she called an office. When he knocked on her open door, she looked up and he caught a brief look of surprise on her face.

"Come in, Colonel O'Neill." She put down the file she was reading. "What can I do for you?"

Jack walked into her little office and looked around nervously. "Doc, when will Sam be allowed to go home?" he asked, much to her surprise.

"Well, I'm not sure, colonel. It depends on how she's coping with her blindness, and on her physical condition as well." Janet looked at curiously. "Why do you want to know, sir?"

"She'll need someone to help her out for a while, won't she? Well, I'm volunteering." he said, almost surprising the life out of her.

"Sir, there are professional agencies-" He waved his hand cutting her off.

"She needs a friend taking care of her, not some stranger." He looked at her earnestly. "I want to do it."

Janet just looked at him for a minute. Maybe this was what he needed to do to purge himself of these feelings of guilt. She decided to give him an answer. "She should be able to leave the infirmary in about a week, barring complications."

"Good. Let me know what day and time." Jack had a half-smile on his face as he turned and left to go see General Hammond to ask for an indefinite leave. He had plenty of leave-time accumulated, hell the whole team did, and he couldn't think of any better way to spend it than taking care of Carter.

************

Contrary to what Sam thought would happen, Colonel O'Neill came to see her everyday. If he had a mission he came either before or after, and sometimes both. He brought her flowers and chocolate, and read books to her. To say she was surprised by this attention from him would have been an extreme understatement. To say she was overwhelmed by the attention would have been pretty accurate.

Daniel and Teal'c were also frequent visitors. They told her what had happened on their missions, and Daniel often got her input on some find they had brought back. Sam thought they were trying to make her feel as if she were still part of the team, but she knew the score. The military didn't need blind officers, and it was only a matter of time before she got her discharge papers. She had accepted that fact just as she was accepting the fact that she would live in darkness for the rest of her life. Even the Tok'ra couldn't help. Her father had come with a healing device, but other than relieving the last of the pain in her head and completing the healing of her broken leg, it had done nothing for her vision. So, with the last of her hope gone, she was resigned to her fate.

Janet released Sam from the infirmary on a Saturday morning, six weeks after her injury. Sam had thought that an airman was going to take her home, but she got a surprise. Colonel O'Neill came to the infirmary to take her home when Janet released her.

"Sir, this isn't necessary-" she began to say, but he didn't let her finish the protest.

"Carter, you're a member of my team, we take care of our own." And with that statement, he wheeled her out of the infirmary to where Daniel and Teal'c were waiting. "Hey, ready to go?"

"Sure, Jack, we're all ready," Daniel answered, sounding pretty cheerful.

"Yes, O'Neill, all ready." Even Teal'c sounded cheerful for him.

"What about you, Carter?" Jack paused waiting for her answer.

She sighed and answered. "As ready as I'll ever be, I guess." And they were off.

***********

An argument almost started when they reached the entrance to the mountain. Jack scooped her up into his arms to take her out to the car, and she protested.

"Sir, I'm too heavy for you to carry that far." Sam felt kind of uncomfortable with his arms around her. It made her have feelings she shouldn't have. The places where his hands touched her felt like they were on fire, and she wanted nothing more than for him to put her down so that she could breathe normally again.

"You're about as heavy as a bag of feathers, Carter." The feel of her bones so close under the skin made him worried for her. It was going to be awhile before she was up to full strength. They reached his car in just a few minutes, and he laid her in the back seat. "I'll have you home soon, Sam." Closing the back door, he went around to the driver's side and got in.

"Where are Daniel and Teal'c?" she asked. "Aren't they coming, too?"

"Yeah, they're coming in Daniel's car." The colonel started his car, and they were off.

************

By the time they reached Sam's apartment, she was exhausted. Daniel and Teal'c got there just before they did, and the three men carried her in and got her settled. Within five minutes, she was asleep.

"Thanks, guys. You can go on now, enjoy your leave," Jack said with a smile. "Teal'c say hi to Ry'ac for me, and Daniel, don't dig up too many pyramids."

"Jack, are you sure you don't need us to stay?" Daniel was concerned for his friend. Jack had been acting really strange. "Just say the word."

"I've got everything under control." Jack walked to the door and opened it for them. "Bye."

Daniel shrugged his shoulders. Janet knew how to contact him if he was needed. "Okay, Jack, see you in a few weeks."

"Goodbye, O'Neill. I am sure you will take good care of Major Carter." Teal'c inclined his head and walked through the door.

"Bye, Jack." Daniel went through the door, then stopped short. "Take care of her, Jack."

"I will, Daniel," he said, then he smiled. "Go on, get outta here."

After Daniel left, Jack went back to Sam's bedroom to check on her. She was still sleeping. He sat down in the chair beside the bed. Other than being so pale and thin, she looked normal. You'd never know she was blind. He had hoped that the Tok'ra could do something for her eyesight, but the damage was such that there was little they could do. Jacob had managed to hide his distress from Sam, but he had been very upset that Sam had been blinded. Jack had promised him that he would take care of her, and Jacob had looked at him so long, it had made him uncomfortable.

"I'm sure you will," Jacob had said. "Just keep her from being hurt anymore." His eyes had flashed, and Selmac had taken over, "Or you will deal with two of us."

Now, here he was, watching her sleep. 'Sam,' he thought, 'I'll make it up to you, I promise.' Rising from the chair, he laid his hand on her forehead, then brushed back her hair gently. 'I swear.'

************

Sam woke up several hours later. At first she didn't know where she was, then she remember that the guys had brought her home. Lying there, she stretched carefully, then relaxed. Other than having to go to the bathroom really badly, she felt pretty good. Casting around in her mind, she tried to picture her room and where the bathroom was. Throwing back the covers, she stood a little shakily and headed toward what she thought was the bathroom.

"For crying out loud, what the hell are you doing?" came the colonel's voice to her right. Startled, she turned quickly and lost her balance, starting to fall. She didn't though. The colonel must have moved really fast, because she was caught up in his arms almost immediately and laid back on the bed. "Why were you up?" he asked, a little more gently this time.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she explained, an embarrassed look on her face.

"Oh." He picked her up again and carried her to the bathroom. "There you go, Carter." He stood there.

"Sir, could I do this in private?" Sam really wished he would just go and close the door.

"Sorry." He put her down and stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door, but he stood right outside listening for any signs that she was in distress.

When she had finished, she opened the door herself. He scooped her up and carried her back to the bed, which was just fine with her, she was exhausted from the trip to the bathroom.

"Hungry?" he asked. "I made some soup." Janet had given him a diet for her to follow, and he was going to make sure she did so, to the letter.

"Yes, sir, a little." Sam smiled at him. "You cooked?"

"Yes, ma'am, I did." He tucked the covers around her. "I'll be back in a few minutes." Back in the kitchen, he put the finishing touches on her tray. Then he carried it into her bedroom. She ate most of it, pretty neatly too, for someone who was just getting used to being blind. By the time she was finished, though, she was just about asleep again, so Jack removed the tray and tucked the covers around her again and in minutes she was sleeping.

Over the next few days they fell into a pattern. Sam would sleep, wake, go to the bathroom, eat, and sleep again, but each day, she managed to stay awake a little bit longer and she seemed a little bit stronger, which was a relief to Jack who had never seen his major so debilitated before. It wasn't just the blindness either, it was her overall physical weakness, which wasn't too surprising considering the weeks that she lay comatose. In fact, he was amazed that she was bouncing back so rapidly physically. Emotionally was another story.

A few weeks after Sam was released from the infirmary she had a visitor. It was General Hammond. He had come to let her know that the paperwork for her discharge from the Air Force had come across his desk. In a matter of days, she wouldn't be an Air Force major any longer. She was devastated, though she'd tried to hide it. She put on a cheerful face for both of them, but they knew that this had to be one of the hardest things she'd ever faced in her life, so when Jack heard her crying that night, he wasn't surprised.

He'd just settled down on the sofa, ready to go to sleep, when he heard a soft sound coming from her room. When he got up to look in, she was curled up into a ball, crying. It almost killed him to see her that way, his strong major, reduced to tears of anger, sadness, and frustration. He walked into the room and sat next to her on the bed, startling her.

"Sir?" Her voice broke, and Sam hid her face in the pillow. "Please, leave me alone." Her voice was clogged with tears. He could see her shoulders still shaking.

"No, Sam." He turned her to face him. "I won't leave you alone." He pulled the covers back and got into the bed with her, putting his arms around her and holding her close. "Go ahead and cry Sam, it's all right."

Sam cried for a little longer, then she quieted and Jack could tell she'd gone to sleep, and he drifted off to sleep, too, holding her securely in his arms.

************************

Sam woke slowly, keeping her eyes closed. Sometimes, when she first woke up in the morning, she'd forget that she was blind, so she kept her eyes closed trying to hold on to that illusion. But there was something different this morning. There was a scantily clothed male body pressed tightly against her back, and arms surrounding her. Half-asleep, she smiled, basking in the warmth and sense of well-being she got from the man sleeping beside her. She sighed and relaxed in his arms again, savoring the feeling just for a little while. After a few minutes, she felt his breathing change, and she knew he was about to wake up. She knew the moment he did, because his arms tightened around her and his lips brushed her hair.

"Good morning." Jack's voice was husky with sleep.

"Good morning," she said softly, not wanting him to move.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, not in a hurry to move from that warm, comfortable spot.

"I slept okay," she answered. "How did you sleep?"

"Mm, great." The colonel snuggled her closer. She smiled. Who would have guessed that tough, hard, battle-scarred Colonel Jack O'Neill was a snuggler? She stifled a giggle. He was very good at it, too. She felt lips on the side of her neck, nibbling lightly, and she wondered if he realized what he was doing. As if in answer to her question, she was gently shifted to her back. She sensed him leaning over her and felt his hand gently brush her hair back.

"Sam," he whispered, the sound of his voice only inches from her face, "can I kiss you?"

Sam lifted her hand carefully and unerringly touched his cheek. "Please do," she whispered back.

Jack's lips softly touched hers, probing gently, carefully, as if afraid he would hurt her. Sam slid her hand from his cheek to delve into his hair, the other sliding up to caress his back, and she parted her lips beneath his in invitation.

It was a gentle, leisurely, exploratory kiss, with no demands being made on either of them. When the intensity changed, it was gradually, and before either of them realized it, the kiss had become a full-on, heart-pounding, breath-stopping, passionate kiss. Sam's hand slipped from his back to slide down under the back of his boxers and she caressed the smooth, hard muscles she found there, while Jack's hand slid under her nightshirt and across her silky skin to cup her breast, his thumb stroking the beaded nipple. It felt so good, and she arched into him, wanting and needing more, wanting what she felt his body promising her.

Her body's response woke him up, so to speak, making him realize that, physically, she still wasn't ready for anything else past what they were doing. He broke off the kiss and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"I'm sorry, Sam," he said quietly. "You're not ready for this, and I really didn't mean for it to go this far, not now anyway." Jack laughed softly into her neck, tickling her. "Just kinda lost track for a minute there." He lifted his face and watched the expressions flitting over her face. He saw need, want, and then embarrassment written there. He leaned down again and softly pressed his lips to hers. "Don't be embarrassed, I wanted it just as much as you did. You're just not physically ready for it." He rolled over onto his back, taking her with him. "Later, when you're stronger," he said, kissing her hair.

"Promise?" she whispered huskily, her head resting on his shoulder.

"You bet." Jack nuzzled her ear, then gently moved her aside and sat up. "How about some breakfast, okay?" He leaned down and gave her another kiss.

Sam sighed. "Okay." He pulled completely away from her, and she felt a little bereft. It must have shown on her face, because he kissed her once more before he left the room. She lay there for a minute longer, then she sat up and put her legs over the side of the bed. Gaining her bearings, she stood and headed for the bathroom. Turning on the water in the shower, she stripped and got under the spray. She stood there for a few minutes, just letting the water run over her, then she lathered her body and washed her hair. Getting out she, the dried off and then wrapped the bath sheet around herself and went into the bedroom. Picturing the room in her mind, she headed toward what she thought was her dresser. Reaching it, she opened the top right hand drawer. Underwear. Now, for some jeans. She counted down to the bottom left drawer and opened the drawer. Reaching in she pulled out a pair of jeans. Great. Then she felt up two drawers and found socks. Now for a tee shirt. She pulled it out, and took her clothing over to the bed where she unwound the towel then sat down to get dressed.

Unbeknownst to Sam, Jack stood in the doorway watching her. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. The last couple of days she had insisted on dressing herself, and she was doing a pretty good job, except for that one time when she put her tee shirt on inside out. Watching her, he thought about what had almost happened between them. He hadn't meant to get carried away like that, but he was half-asleep and she'd felt so good, that he had lost it.

When she was almost finished, he knocked on the door, letting her know that he was there. "Breakfast's ready," he said. She paused in putting on her sneakers and turned her face toward the door.

"I'll be ready in just a minute." She tied her shoes and stood, walking carefully to the door where he stood. He reached down and took her hand, leading her to the kitchen. "Mm, smells good."

"Thank you, ma'am. You just have a seat there," he led her to the table and pulled out a chair for her. After she was seated he served her breakfast. Jack sat back and watched her. She was eating well and had gained back a little of the weight she'd lost. She was almost back to full strength, but not quite. That was the main reason why he'd held off this morning, even though they both were ready and willing. He didn't want to risk anything that could hurt her physically or emotionally. Another reason was the regulations, although it wouldn't be long before she wasn't an Air Force officer any longer. The general's news when he had come by the day before and told her that the paperwork for her discharge had gone through had nearly broken her heart. That was the reason she was so upset last night. He'd been glad to hold and comfort her, it was his fault she was in the position she was in. Anything he could do to help her get on with it, he was willing to do.

Sam finished her breakfast, and decided that she and the colonel needed to talk. With the general's news the day before and what had happened between them that morning, the air needed to be cleared. As he was clearing the table, she spoke up.

"Sir, we really need to talk about what happened this morning." Sam had that earnest look on her face that she got when discussing something serious. Jack sighed.

"Yeah, Sam, I guess we do." He put the plates into the dishwasher and closed it. "C'mon, let's go into the living room." She held out her hand and he pulled her up. Putting his arm around her shoulders, he led her to the sofa. "Sit down." She did and turned to face him when he sat down next to her. He looked at her beautiful face, and had to stifle the urge to cup her cheek and draw her into his arms. "Well. . ."

"I know what you're going to say," she said. "You're going to say it was all a mistake, that we can't break the regulations, that-"

"Wait, hey that wasn't what I was going to say at all," Jack interrupted her spiel. "I *was* going to say that what happened was a long time coming." He reached over and took her hands in his. "Besides, in just a few days the regulations will be a moot point."

A shadowed look passed over Sam's face. "Yes," she said. "I guess you're right." Then she smiled impishly. "So in a few days. . ."

"Or however long it takes," he finished for her, "then we can decide what level we're at and go from there."

"Okay." Sam was satisfied with his answer for now.

"Good." Jack leaned in and kissed her very lightly on the cheek. "Now, seeing as how you're all cleaned and dressed, how's about I get cleaned up and then we can decide what to do today."

"All right," she answered, squeezing the hands that held hers. "Do you have any suggestions?"

"Well, I do need to go by my house to check on things." Janet had been checking up on things for him there, but he still wanted to make sure everything was like it should be. "After that we can play it by ear."

"Great." It had been months since she'd been anywhere. She hadn't even been going to the doctor, Janet had been coming to her.

After he had showered and dressed, the two of them went to Jack's house. As Sam walked in, she felt really strange being there, yet not being able to see it. Jack led her around, reacquainting her with the layout of the house. He checked the windows and doors, and picked up some things that he needed, then they headed on out to the car again.

"Now, we need to go to the market." He started the car and turned toward the shopping center near his house. "We're just about out of everything."

She looked uneasy at the thought. "Sir, I'm not sure about this-" He put his finger against her lips.

"It'll be okay, Sam, I promise." He removed his finger from her lips and gripped her hand. "I'll take care of you."

She smiled hesitatantly at him. "Okay. It's just. . .I'm a little nervous. I haven't been anywhere since. . .*this* happened."

"Trust me, Sam. I promise I won't let anything happen to you ever again." Jack sounded so intense, that she frowned a little. Was there something that no one had told her? And, come to think of it, why was *he* taking care of her? She would have thought that a home care provider would have been called in, but the colonel was taking care of her. Not that she was complaining, but there was more to this than she'd been told. The vehemence of his statement told her that. She knew that if she asked him, though, she wouldn't get a straight answer. She'd ask Janet the next time she saw her. Maybe she could go to the base for her next examination. She had some things she needed to get from her quarters there, anyway.

"Okay, sir, I'll trust you." Sam sat back in the seat and let him take her where he would.

************************

The trip to the market was uneventful, much to Sam's relief. They walked into the store, Sam holding on to his arm to let him guide her. He grabbed a cart, and they walked through the store, loading up on the needed items. Then they paid for it and took their purchases to the car. When they got home, Jack got her inside the apartment, then he went back for their stuff. He unloaded it, putting it away. By the time all that was done, it was lunch time.

After a light lunch, Jack took Sam for a little walk down the street to a small park where they sat in the warm afternoon sun, talking, his arm around her, her head on his shoulder. When they got back to the apartment, Sam was a little tired, so, at Jack's insistence, she lay down for a short nap. Then they had dinner, and after dinner they listened to music until it was time to go to bed.

Sam changed into her night things, then crawled into the bed. Jack came in to say goodnight after a few minutes, just like he'd done every night since she'd been home.

"'Night, Sam." He brushed a kiss across her forehead and stood up. As he started to turn away, her voice stopped him.

"Sir-Jack, would you lie down with me for a few minutes? Please?" Her voice was soft and there was a note of pleading in it. He hesitated for only a second, then he removed his shoes and pants, and in his tee shirt and boxers got into the bed with her, taking her in his arms and holding her closely. Sam relaxed in his arms and sighed. "Thank you." After a few minutes she drifted off to sleep.

Jack lay there holding her. Today had been Sam's first "normal" type of day in a long time and she was exhausted. She had enjoyed her walk to the park and he had enjoyed watching her bask in the sun. He leaned down and kissed her hair, then closed his eyes and went to sleep himself.

He woke the next morning aware of a female body sprawled over him, her face buried in the crook of his neck, her legs entangled with his. Her night shirt was rucked up around her waist, and his hand was resting on her hip which was covered by a little scrap of satin. Almost involuntarily, his hand slid up over her hip and under the nightshirt, up the soft, velvety skin of her back. The other hand joined the first, and he lay there holding her in his arms and stroking her back.

Sam slipped from sleep feeling warm, masculine hands stroking her back and shoulders. She breathed in his male scent, and nuzzled his neck, then gently bit his earlobe. A shudder ran through him and his hands tightened on her shoulders, then slid down and grasped the bottom of her nightshirt and pulled it over her head, tossing it across the room. He rolled her over onto her back, kissing her deeply, then he raised his lips from hers.

"If you don't want this, Sam, you'd better stop me now." Jack was breathing heavily, holding tenuously onto the last bit of his control.

Her answer was to slide her hands under his tee shirt and start lifting it, trying to pull it off. He pulled away for a moment and finished yanking the shirt off over his head. Leaning back over her, he kissed her again, more gently, then trailed his lips down to her breasts, taking first one nipple then the other into his mouth, gently tugging with lips and teeth. She arched beneath him, feeling almost overcome with the pleasure he was giving her. Her hands slid down his back and pushed down his shorts. His own hands were busy removing her satin panties. Moving back up her body, he kissed her again, and her legs parted, wrapping around his.

She broke off the kiss. "I want you now, Jack," she whispered in his ear, then stroked it with her tongue.

Lifting his head, he looked into her face. She looked wild, feral almost, out of control. His hands grasped her hips and slowly, carefully, he entered her, burying himself in the warmth of her body. She gasped in pleasure as he started to move within her, and her answering moves pulled him deeper inside of her. Her hands grasped him strongly, digging into his shoulders, as their mouths devoured each other. They strained together, striving to get closer and closer, to absorb the other into their bodies. When she came, she screamed his name, arching and writhing in ecstasy beneath him, bringing him to his own orgasm.

Afterward, they lay together, gasping for breath, both of them sated with pleasure. Jack finally marshaled enough strength to move off of Sam, and drew her head to his shoulder. She turned and kissed his shoulder, whispering, "Thank you."

He put his finger under her chin and lifted her face to his. "No, I should be thanking you." He leaned down and kissed her gently. They lay there quietly, stroking each other, each of them still lost in the feelings they had just experienced. Jack thought back on his previous experience, and couldn't think of another instance that could compare. He knew it had to be because of his feelings for her, the feelings that he'd always been afraid to acknowledge. They were there, hidden behind the guilt he felt at her injuries and subsequent disability. He loved her, had for a long time, but because of their positions, he hadn't acted on them. Oh, he almost had, when he'd asked her to go with him to Minnesota, but that hadn't worked out too well. He wasn't sure of what would have happened, but he felt sure that something would have, despite the regulations. Now that Sam was going to be discharged, there was nothing standing in the way but the guilt he felt at being the cause of her disability.

Sam lay there, stroking Jack's chest, marveling at the way they had fit so perfectly together. She didn't have a lot of experience with men, but she knew they had something special. It felt good to finally be able to express the feelings she'd had for him for such a long time. She loved him. It felt good to finally say that, even if just to herself. Denial had become a way of life for her, especially since his return from Edora. She knew that he'd had a relationship with that woman, Laira, while there, and she had thought he was in love with her, but as far as she knew, he hadn't seen her since he had left Edora. 'I wonder how he feels about me,' were the last words in her mind as she drifted off the sleep, secure in the comfort of his arms.

Sam woke up later, but Jack wasn't in the bed. Turning over in confusion, she sat up, gasping a little at her sore muscles, then she smiled at the reason for that soreness. Sniffing, she smelled breakfast cooking. Sam lay back down on the bed and buried her face in the pillow. She wished she could have seen his face while they were making love.

"Hey, beautiful," came a voice from the direction of the doorway. "Ready for breakfast?"

She turned toward the sound of his voice and gave him a brilliant smile. "Yes, I am." She heard his steps as he walked toward the bed, then felt his lips touch her forehead. As he started to draw away, she reached up and put her arm around his neck. "You can do better than that," she said softly, drawing him down to her. Jack sat on the bed and put his arms around her, kissing her sweetly, then passionately. Reluctantly, he pulled away from her.

"I thought you were hungry for breakfast," he said, smiling. She knew he was smiling because she could hear it in the tone of his voice, and she smiled back.

"I am," she said softly, "I just wanted a little affection."

"Oh, sweetheart," he answered, "you can have all the affection you want from me." He leaned over again and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "After breakfast."

"I'll take you at your word." He just laughed as he left the room to get her breakfast and bring it to her.

************

Sam and Jack lived in their own little world for the next week. They loved and played all day long, going to the park most days to sit in the sunshine, then coming home to Sam's apartment to relax, eat, make love, and sleep. It was almost idyllic. That was when the bubble burst.

They were lying in bed relaxing one morning when the phone rang. Jack jumped up to answer the phone in the kitchen so that he could talk while making breakfast. He never got around to making breakfast that morning.

"Sam," he said, coming back into the bedroom, his voice sounding a little strained, "that was General Hammond. He needs me back at the SGC to fill in on a mission. I wouldn't go, but it sounds urgent." He sat down on the bed and grasped her hands, raising them to his lips and kissing them. "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"It's okay. I understand." Sam paused, then asked, "Where are you going?"

"I don't know, he said he'd fill me in when I get there, but it's with SG-7." Jack leaned over and kissed her softly. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you, too." She put her arms around him and held him close. "Be careful, okay?"

"I will." He hugged her tightly, then pulled away and stood up. "I asked General Hammond to assign an airman to look after you while I'm gone, just to make sure you're okay."

"Jack, that's not necessary-" but he cut her off.

"Humor me, okay. I don't want any more gray hairs from worrying about you than I already have," he joked, making her laugh. Ah, he loved to hear her laugh.

Jack showered and dressed, then gave Sam one more kiss goodbye. "I should be back in a couple of days," he told her. "Please, be careful." He took one last look at her, then headed on out to the base.

After he was gone, Sam started thinking about how strained Jack's voice was when he told her that he was being recalled for a mission. Maybe it was just because he was concerned about leaving her alone. Yes, that had to be it, he'd hardly left her side since she'd been released from the infirmary. She got up and took her own shower and dressed comfortably in jeans and a tee shirt. She had just tied her shoes when the doorbell rang. It was the airman assigned to "watch after her" while Jack was gone.

"Major Carter, I'm Airman Sandra Fisk." The airman's voice was friendly. "General Hammond said I was to help you out for the next two days."

"Thanks, Airman Fisk, but I'm afraid that you won't have much to do," Sam said, laughingly. "unless. . ." an idea came to her. "Airman, could you take me to the SGC?"

"Yes, ma'am, I can." The airman sounded friendly and willing to oblige. "When do you want to go?"

"Right now," Sam told her. "Let me get my purse."

Sam and Airman Fisk arrived at the SGC about fifteen minutes after Jack left with SG-7 for Edora.

************

After Jack left Sam's apartment, he felt awful about not telling her the truth about his "recall." Hammond had called to let him know that they'd received a message from Edora. Laira had given birth to the baby, and she wanted Jack to come. So, Hammond had passed along the message and asked Jack if he wanted to go, SG-7 was 'gating to Edora in two hours. So here he was standing outside Laira's home, waiting for someone to answer his knock on the door.

Garen opened the door. He smiled when he saw that their visitor was Jack. "Fair day, Jack. Come in," he said. "My mother has been hoping that you would come to see the child." Garen led the way to Laira's room. "Mother, Jack is here." Laira was there with her husband, Paynan, and the baby.

"Jack, fair day to you," Paynan said, smiling. "You have come to see the child."

"Yes," Jack answered, feeling very awkward and uncomfortable. Laira was smiling encouragingly at him. He walked forward and looked at the baby lying in Laira's arms. "The baby's all right?"

"Yes, she is fine." Laira drew the blanket back from the baby. "I have named her Lora."

Jack touched the little hand that poked itself out of the blanket. "She's beautiful." He looked at Laira and Paynan and smiled. "Thank you for letting me know she was born." He stroked the soft little cheek. "Can I come back to visit her?"

"Oh, yes, of course." Laira took Jack's hand. "You may see her anytime you wish."

Jack visited with them for two days, then it was time for him and SG-7 to return to earth. Jack was glad Laira had contacted him to see his daughter, but he was anxious to return home to Sam. He was worried about her, even though she had an airman assigned to help her, he wanted to be there to make sure everything was all right.

Little did he know that things had changed drastically back home.

************

Airman Fisk took Sam to the infirmary to see Dr. Fraiser when they arrived at the SGC. Janet was pleased to see Sam, especially since she'd been trying to call her that morning.

"Sam, I may have some good news for you." Janet was full of excitement. "I've been in touch with an Air Force doctor in Germany who may be able to help you. Her name is Patricia Strauss."

"What!" Sam caught Janet's excitement. "You mean I could possibly get my sight back?"

"It's a possibility." Janet hurried to caution her. "But there are no guarantees. She wants to examine you, take some new MRI's and CAT scans, that type of thing." Janet grasped Sam's hands. "Sam, I didn't tell you about this possibility because I didn't know if she could see you, she's very busy, but General Hammond pulled a lot strings to get you in."

"When can she see me?" Sam wanted to know, her heart beating fast with the knowledge that she might see again.

"As soon as you can get to Germany. She's at Ramstein," Janet informed her. "When do you want to go?"

"I want to talk to Jack- I mean Colonel O'Neill- when he gets back." Janet felt a little uncomfortable when Sam said that. Obviously, he hadn't told her about Laira and the baby, and it wasn't her place to say anything.

"Okay, just let me know when you can go, and I'll make the arrangements," Janet said kindly.

"Thank you so much, Janet." Sam hugged her.

"You're very welcome, Sam." Janet was glad to see her friend so thrilled. She hoped it would last.

After Sam left the infirmary, she had Airman Fisk escort her to the cafeteria. "I just want a cup of coffee." Fisk made sure that she was settled with her coffee and a fresh danish in a private partitioned area, then excused herself to take care of some things before she took Sam back home.

Sam sat there drinking her coffee, enjoying the familiar sound of conversation and clinking crockery. Then, she heard a group of young women settling in on the other side of the partition.

". . .Fisk said that he asked the general to make sure someone was there to look after her," the first one said.

"Wow, the things that guilt makes you do." A second voice chimed in.

"What's he feeling guilty about?" A third voice asked this.

"Oh, I forgot, you weren't here then. . .well, they were on a mission when there was this explosion-" the first woman said.

"Yeah, and she was hurt really bad and this other woman-" this was the second woman.

"The one who just had the baby?" asked the third woman.

"Yeah, that one, the one he's gone to see now, well, she got hurt, but just a little, like a skinned knee or something, but he helped her first 'cause she was going to have his kid-" answered the first woman.

"He just left Major Carter there, and she almost died!" said the second woman.

"Now he's on this big guilt trip, he blames himself because she's blind- hey, there's Sandy-" a pause from the first woman.

"Hi, guys." Airman Fisk greeted the women.

"We were just telling Renee here the story about Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter- what's the matter with you, Sandy?" It was quiet, then there was a soft gasp, then the sound of scraping chairs as the women hurried left their table. After a few seconds Airman Fisk came around the partition.

"Major Carter, I'm sorry, they didn't know you were here," Fisk said apologetically. "Whatever you heard-"

"It doesn't matter," Sam said, cutting her off. "Could you please take me back to the infirmary?" The airman complied quickly, and in just a few minutes, Sam was back in Janet's office.

"Sam, are you feeling okay?" Janet asked, concerned at the paleness of her friend's face. "I thought you were going home?"

"Janet, I want to go to Germany today," Sam said firmly.

"I thought you wanted to wait until-" Janet started to say, but Sam cut her off sharply.

"I have no reason to wait." Sam's voice shook, whether with anger or tears, Janet couldn't tell. "Can you arrange it?"

"Yes, I can, I just need to make a few phone calls." Janet did so, setting everything up for Sam to go to Ramstein Air Base to see Dr. Strauss. "It's all done, the plane takes off at 1600. Are you sure about this, Sam? Why don't you wait until Jack gets back from his mission?"

"His mission to Edora to see his and Laira's baby?" Sam said snidely. "Yes, I know about that Janet, thanks to a group of gossiping female airmen. I also know about the colonel's guilt trip with regards to me." Sam ground out through clenched teeth. "When he gets back, don't tell him where I've gone, promise me, Janet."

"Okay, Sam, I promise, I won't tell him where you've gone." Janet felt so badly for Sam. To learn about all of this garbage from gossip was the worst way to find out. Jack should have at least told her about Laira, but that was just like a man to avoid any kind of unpleasantness or confrontation.

Airman Fisk took Sam back to her apartment and helped her pack her bags for an extended stay out of the country, then she took her to the airport and saw her off on the first leg of her trip to Germany.

When Jack returned from Edora twenty-four hours later, Sam was long gone.

************************

Jack returned from Edora impatient to see Sam. He'd decided to tell her everything and get it off his conscience. If she hated him for it, he wouldn't blame her, but he hoped that she cared enough for him to forgive him. As he impatiently waited his turn for his post-mission medical exam, all he could think about was how much he'd missed Sam while he was gone. Finally, he was called into the examination room.

"Hello, colonel." Janet turned around with a hypodermic needle. "Okay, drop 'em." After he did, she jammed in the needle.

"Ow, Doc, not so hard!" Jack exclaimed in a dull roar. "What's wrong, you mad at me or somethin'?" He pulled his pants back up.

"Or something," Janet answered coldly.

"What did I do to piss you off?" he asked in confusion.

"Nothing." She took his hand and pricked his finger to draw some blood.

"Can we hurry this, please?" Jack was in a rush.

"What for?" Janet continued to take blood samples, tying a piece of rubber tubing around his arm and finding a vein.

He looked at her curiously. He'd never seen her this upset before. "I need to get home to Sam."

"Why? She's not there." Janet jabbed the needle into his arm, but he didn't even flinch. His mind was focused on the fact that the she'd just said that Sam wasn't home.

"Then where is she?" Jack's voice was starting to get louder.

"I promised her I wouldn't tell you," Janet said, pulling out the needle. "She found out everything colonel, I mean *everything*." She looked at him closely. He looked shocked.

"Damn." Jack ran his hand through his hair and started pacing the room. "Damn, damn, damn!" He slammed the wall with his fist. "I was going to tell her everything tonight." The knuckles of his right hand were bleeding, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Colonel." Janet went to him and took his hand. "Breaking your hand won't help anything." She examined the hand, determining that it wasn't broken, merely bruised. "You should have told her a long time ago." She put some antiseptic on the abrasions and bandaged his hand.

"I know," he said softly. "I should have. But I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt her." He hesitated, then continued. "I love her."

"Is it love, or is it pity?" Janet asked, watching him closely. "Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference."

"I love her. I loved her before." Jack's face lost all expression. "I guess that's why I went off the deep end when she got hurt."

"Did you ever tell her?" Janet folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the examining table.

"No." Jack scrubbed his face with his hands. "I was afraid to."

"Afraid?" Janet questioned. "Of rejection?"

"Yeah. And there were the regs." He gave her an impatient, typically Jack look. "Can I go now?" He wanted to get started on his search for Sam.

"Sure, I've got everything I need." She watched as he bolted out the door. "Sam, I'm afraid he's gonna find you. The man doesn't give up."

***********

It took Jack three days to locate Airman Fisk. She was on leave, visiting her parents in Little Rock, Arkansas, when Colonel O'Neill found her. She was shocked to see him knocking on the front door of her parents' home.

"Airman Fisk?" he asked.

"Yes, Colonel O'Neill," she answered, wondering how he had found her. She probably didn't really want to know. "What can I do for you, sir?"

"Where is she?" he asked, expecting that she would know exactly who he was talking about. She did.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't think she wants you to know where she is." Sandy had overheard what Major Carter had told Dr. Fraiser, and although she hadn't asked the same of her, she felt a little obligated to honor her wishes.

"Please, airman, I'm not gonna order you tell me where Major Carter is, but I'm askin'," he said, sincerely. "Please."

His sincerity, coupled with his coming all the way to Arkansas to ask where Major Carter was, and her realization that he loved the major, was what finally caused her to tell him where she was.

"Sir, she's in Germany, Ramstein Air Base. There's a doctor stationed there who Dr. Fraiser said may be able to help her see again," Sandy told him.

"Do you know the doctor's name?" he asked, already shifting from foot to foot in preparation for taking off again.

"No, sir, I don't, sorry." But her words were spoken to the air as he was already in his car. "Good luck, sir," she said as she watched him drive off.

************

When Sam arrived in Germany, she was met at the airport and taken straight to the hospital, where she checked in and was assigned a room. The next morning, Dr. Strauss came by to examine her. She had an MRI and a CAT scan done, as well as various blood tests. That afternoon Dr. Strauss came to her with the test results.

"Well, Major Carter, I think I might have some good news for you," Dr. Strauss told her. "We just might be able to get you some of your vision back."

"You mean, I might be able to see again?" Sam was almost afraid that it was a dream. "You're sure?"

"Yes," the doctor replied. "In examining the MRI and CAT scans you had made here and comparing them with the ones you brought with you, the area of damage has changed in appearance. It looks operable now."

'Dad's attempt at healing did work, at least a little,' she thought. 'Thank you, Daddy.'

Aloud she said, "When can you do the surgery?"

"Friday." Dr. Strauss answered. "After that you'll have three to four weeks of recuperation ahead of you before we can take off the bandages to find out if the surgery was successful."

Friday, four days from now, and at least three weeks of recovery, then she might be able to see again! At least now she had the hope of seeing again, whereas before she had none.

"I'm ready, Dr. Strauss," Sam said. "I am definitely ready."

************

Jack jumped a plane in Little Rock on Wednesday afternoon and by Thursday morning he was in Germany. He rushed from the airport to Ramstein, and was at the hospital by the early afternoon. He found out Sam's room number and went on up to see her. He knocked on the door, then opened it.

"Yes?" Sam queried uncertainly. "Who is it? Dr. Strauss?"

"No, Sam, it's me." Jack walked into the room.

"Get out!" she demanded. "Leave my room now!" She was very agitated, but she was managing to control herself to some extent.

"Please, Sam, just talk to me," he said. "Let me explain-"

"There's nothing to explain, sir," she said coldly, groping beside her for the nurse call button. Finally finding it, she grasped it, pushing the button several times. A nurse came into the room asking what the trouble was.

"Please escort Colonel O'Neill out of my room now, please." Sam was implacable. "I do not want him here. Please keep him away from me."

"No, Sam, don't do this." Jack yanked his arm away from the nurse who was trying to get him out of the room.

"Please, sir, come with me," the nurse was saying. "You're disturbing the other patients."

"Leave now, Colonel O'Neill," Sam said again, her teeth tightly clenched. "Get out!"

"Please, sir, come with me." The nurse took his arm. "You can go to the waiting room."

Jack took one look back at Sam, then he followed the nurse out of the room. The nurse took him to a waiting area.

"I believe Major Carter said you were Colonel O'Neill?" the nurse asked. She hadn't known he was an officer due to his civilian clothing. When Jack responded in the affirmative, she said, "Sir, it might be better if you don't attempt to see the major again, at least not right now."

"What's her doctor's name, lieutenant?" he asked, managing to sound more like an officer now.

"She's Dr. Strauss, Major Strauss," she corrected herself. In the hospital, one tended to forget ranks when it came to doctors. "She's due on the floor in," she looked at her watch, "about ten minutes."

"I'll wait for her then." Jack sat down on one of the standard issue hard plastic chairs which were almost identical to the ones in the SGC infirmary. 'The Air Force must get a special deal on these chairs,' he thought. About ten minutes later, he saw a tall, attractive black woman dressed in an Air Force officer's uniform with a white lab coat over it coming down the hall. The nurse who had escorted him from Sam's room approached her and spoke to her for a few minutes. The woman smiled and nodded, then walked toward the waiting room, where Jack stood and met her in hallway.

"Dr. Strauss?" He inquired. "I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill. I'm Major Carter's commanding officer, and her friend."

Dr. Strauss' lips quirked in a smile. From what the nurse had told her, there had to be more to their relationship than that, but it was none of her business. "Very nice to meet you Colonel O'Neill. I don't know why Major Carter is so upset with you, but I do have to ask that you not attempt to see her again." Dr. Strauss put her hand on Jack's arm and led him back into the waiting room. "She's scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning."

"Surgery? You can fix her eyesight?" Jack's face held much the same hopefulness that Sam's had, something that Dr. Strauss noted. Despite the fact that he was ostensibly her C.O., the man had strong feelings for the major.

Dr. Strauss smiled at Jack. "We hope so, colonel, but we can't make guarantees."

"Well," he sighed, "we'll just have to hope, won't we."

"Yes, sir, I guess we will." The doctor prepared to take her leave. "Just remember, stay away from Major Carter. She doesn't need to be upset the day before major brain surgery."

Jack didn't want there to be any risk to Sam, so he agreed. The doctor then offered him the use of the hospital's guest quarters, and he gladly accepted her offer. Since they were on hospital grounds, he would be able to get to Sam more quickly than if he was staying in a hotel.

The next morning, the day of Sam's scheduled surgery, Jack was at the hospital bright and early. He was glad Sam was going to get a chance to see again, but he was still worried. This was brain surgery, for crying out loud! Not exactly like having a hangnail removed. She was in surgery for over six hours, during which time Jack did his best to wear out the carpet in the waiting room from pacing. Finally, Dr. Strauss came out to see him.

"Colonel, she came through the surgery just fine." Dr. Strauss looked exhausted, but she was smiling. "We should know in a few weeks whether it was successful or not."

"So, she's okay," he said, feeling a little light-headed with relief. At the doctor's nod, he asked, "Can I see her? Before she wakes up, I mean," he hastened to add. "I don't want to upset her."

Dr. Strauss looked at him for a minute, then said, "Yes. She's in the recovery room. I'll have a nurse take you there." She left, and a few minutes a nurse appeared to take him to see Sam. Her blonde hair was almost completely hidden beneath the white bandage around her head, her eyes covered with bandages, too. He walked over to the bed where she lay and took her hand. Leaning over her, he kissed her softly on the lips.

"Get better, Sam," he said softly. "Get better and come home to me and your friends." He stayed there with her until she started to stir, then he left. He searched out Dr. Strauss.

"Thanks for letting me see Sam." Jack fidgeted and stared down at his hands. "I guess you've figured out how I feel about her."

"It wasn't too difficult," she said, smiling. "How long can you stay?"

"I have to go home in a few days, my leave time is almost up," he told her. "But, I want to keep up with her progress, you know, how she's doin', and all that."

Dr. Strauss smiled. "We can do that, I think. I'll be informing Dr. Fraiser of her progress over the next few weeks, so she can let you know how Major Carter's doing."

"Thanks, Doc."

***********

Jack left Germany three days later. He hated to go, but Sam wouldn't see him, and he did have to go back to work. Dr. Strauss had told Janet Fraiser to inform him of Sam's progress, no details, but whether she was doing well or not. It would have to do for now, until Sam came home. Since he saw her in the recovery room after her surgery, he hadn't laid eyes on her. But, according to Dr. Strauss, she was doing fine, up and around. Now all he had to do was wait for her to come home. He hoped it was going to be soon.

************************

Sam stepped off the plane from Germany and looked around, adjusting her dark glasses. Dr. Strauss said that it would be better if she wore them in bright sunlight, something she usually did anyway. After being blind so many months, it was wonderful to see the world again. She walked through the gate into the terminal and looked around for Janet. There she was.

"Janet!" she called, waving at her friend.

Janet turned and saw Sam, calling and waving to her. "Sam!" She smiled and quickly walked to her friend.

"Cute sweater," Sam said, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "Red suits you."

Janet hugged Sam tightly. "Oh, you have no idea how happy I am that you can see now!" she exclaimed. "And you're coming back to work at the SGC, too! That's wonderful!"

After Dr. Strauss had removed the bandages, Sam had been able to see almost as well as before, but due to the nature of her head injury, Dr. Strauss couldn't clear her for military duty. The excitement of being able to see again was tempered by the news that she would have to leave the Air Force. But, on the day the courier had brought her discharge papers to her, she had also received an offer of employment from General Hammond, doing most of the same work she'd been doing before, except for going on missions on a regular basis. She would be a consultant, not assigned to any one team, but working with several teams. It wasn't as exciting as being a member of SG-1, but she would be doing work she loved.

"Yes," she answered Janet a little wistfully, "I'm back at the SGC."

"Well, come on," Janet said cheerfully, "let's get you home." They picked up Sam's luggage, and headed out to Janet's car. Once they were on the road to Colorado Springs, Janet introduced a topic of conversation that she was sure Sam wouldn't like. "Sam, Colonel O'Neill wanted to come with me to meet you, but I told him that it wouldn't be a good idea. Besides, he had a mission."

"You were right, Janet," Sam said grimly, her face becoming tight and hard. "It wouldn't have been a good idea."

"You know, Sam," Janet said, "he cares about you."

"No, he doesn't," Sam insisted. "He feels guilt and pity, that's all." She turned her head and stared out the window, but she didn't see the passing countryside. "He fooled me once, he won't do it again." Sam felt the prickle of tears behind her eyes, and she blinked rapidly to push them back.

"Sam, he's been miserable since you've been gone. Every time Dr. Strauss called with a progress report, he wanted to know how you were." Janet knew Sam was a hard sell, but she had to try. "Somehow, he found out everytime I called you, or when you called me, and he would ask about you. Why don't you talk to him, Sam?"

"Oh, I'll talk to him, Janet. On official business, but not about anything else," Sam said as she stared out of the window.

"All right, have it your way." Janet slipped a look at Sam and noticed her trying to surreptitiously wipe away tears. 'Oh, Sam,' she thought sadly. 'You're not just hurting him, you're hurting yourself, too.'

They rode the rest of the way home mostly in silence.

************

Sam went back to work the day after she returned home. It seemed a little strange to be back at the SGC, and not be part of the military any longer. She wasn't Major Carter now, but Dr. Carter. Whenever anyone slipped and referred to her old rank, she laughingly corrected them, but inside she wasn't laughing.

SG-1 had left on a mission the day before and weren't due back until tomorrow. It was a relief to her, it delayed having to see Jack again. She had more time to prepare herself, to steel herself against breaking down and forgiving him anything. Her anger against him had faded a little, just the hurt remained now, and she was determined not to let him hurt her again. The only problem was that she wanted him so badly. Being back at home in her apartment had opened a Pandora's box of memories of the last time they had been together. Last night when she was lying in her bed, everytime she closed her eyes she remembered the feel of his hands and mouth on her. She'd never felt such pleasure in her life as she had when she'd been with him. And it had all been a lie, every bit of it. He hadn't felt anything but guilt. He'd made love to her out of guilt and pity, and she didn't need that.

So, she immersed herself in her work, studying the new bits of technology the teams had brought back from their missions. The day passed quickly, and soon it was time to go home. Since she was forbidden to drive for at least two more weeks, General Hammond had assigned a driver to her, to pick her up in the morning and take her home at night. When she was dropped off at her apartment by her driver, she was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to take a shower and go to bed.

Sam had done just that and was relaxing in bed watching an old movie on television when the doorbell rang. Thinking it was Janet, she got out of bed and opened the door without looking. It wasn't Janet. It was Jack.

"Hi Sam." He stood there on her doorstep looking inscrutable, all of his feelings hidden from view. "Can I come in?"

She automatically stepped back, tightening the belt on her robe, and let him in without thinking about what she was doing. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "You're on a mission."

"We came back early, Daniel got sick," Jack explained. "Janet says it's a stomach bug that's been going around the base. He should be up and around in a couple of days." He looked her up and down. "So, you can see fine now? It's all fixed?"

"If you mean my vision, it's fine." Sam remained standing near the door. "Colonel O'Neill, sir, I think it would be best if you left now." She stood stiffly, almost at attention waiting for him to leave.

"Sam, you don't have to call me 'colonel', I'm not your C.O. any more," he said with a small smile.

"No, sir, you're not my C.O.," she affirmed his statement. "But I think it would be better if we maintained a purely professional relationship at all times." She said this stiffly, as if trying to control her voice. Jack looked closely at her and saw the pain in her eyes. He'd hurt her badly, whether it was unintentional or not, and she still hadn't recovered from it, if she ever would. Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around her. She didn't struggle, only held herself stiff and still in his arms.

"I don't want a 'purely professional' relationship with you, Sam." He dropped a kiss on her hair, and held her away from him to look into her face. "I want you."

"No you don't, you want to feel better about yourself." She pulled away from him, keeping her face averted and went to the door, opening it. "Please leave, Jack." Her voice wavered a little, but it held.

Jack looked at her for a moment, torn as to whether he should accede to her wishes and go, or if he should stay and force the issue. He saw how exhausted and close to the edge she was, so he decided to go, but as he passed her on the way out, he paused and kissed her gently on the mouth, his lips softly caressing hers. Involuntarily, she responded, her lips parting beneath his, returning his kiss for a few moments before turning her head away.

"Goodbye, Jack," she whispered, her voice harsh from suppressed emotion.

After that, Sam avoided Jack whenever possible. She even went so far as to eat all of her meals in the lab, sending her assistant to the cafeteria to pick up her tray.

For his part, she had Jack stymied. He was miserable without her, and he knew that the only way to get her back was to make her listen to him. The problem with that was pinning her down long enough to talk to her. He was banned from her lab except when he needed to be there on official business. She'd had an MP remove him when he'd gone in there to try to talk to her. He'd tried to get her assigned to an overnight mission with SG-1, but she'd told General Hammond she didn't feel ready to go out into the field yet. And the last three times he'd gone to her apartment to see her, she'd refused to open the door, hell, she'd even called the cops on him. Yep, he was stymied, all right. He was so desperate he even went to Daniel for advice.

"You want *me* to give *you* advice about how to get Sam to listen to you?" Daniel looked at Jack warily. 'He must be totally desperate to come to me for advice about women, correction, advice about Sam,' he thought.

"Yeah, Daniel, she talks to you." Which Daniel had to acknowledge was true. But she refused to talk about Jack in any way, shape, or form. She was doing her best to pretend that Jack O'Neill didn't exist, but Daniel didn't believe she was doing a very good job of it. They were both as miserable as hell.

So, now Jack wanted advice. Well, what did he have to lose? It was only his life.

"Well, Jack, you're a man of action, right?" At Jack's nod, he continued. "You've got all that black ops commando training, right?" Again, Jack nodded. "Then use it." With that, he patted Jack on the back and left him to it. Little did he know that Jack was going to take his advice to heart.

************

The operation took a week to plan, one night to execute.

Sam woke up at three in the morning to find Jack, dressed the same as he had been when they had infiltrated Apophis' mothership, sitting on the side of her bed.

"What are you doing here?" Sam demanded. "How did you get in?"

Jack held up a key. "Wanta take a little trip with me?"

"No, I do not!" she refused unequivocally.

"Wrong answer." Jack stood and, leaning down, picked her up, blankets and all, threw her over his shoulder, and started carrying her out of the apartment.

"What are you doing? Put me down, you big dumb jerk!" She all but screamed at him. "Let me go! I'll scream!" She was wiggling and squirming, but he wasn't about to let her go. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and he was definitely desperate.

"No," he answered flatly. "Scream all you want, the apartment on the left is vacant and the apartment on the right is occupied by an 81-year-old woman who is almost deaf." At his answer, she knew that no one would hear her. He reached his car and put her inside, locking the door with the key after closing it. She reached for the lock and the door handle, but they weren't there. He'd removed them to keep her from getting out of the car. He got in on the driver's side, started the car, and they were off.

Remarkably, Sam fell asleep before they'd been on the road too long. That suited Jack just fine, the cabin they were going to wasn't too far out of town, but he didn't want her to know that. If she thought they were miles and miles away, so much the better.

************

Sam woke up slowly, not wanting to move away from the warmth at her back. She sighed and relaxed until she felt the hand stroking the skin of her belly. A very familiar hand. She held her breath as the hand slid up and cupped her breast, thumb stroking the nipple into hardness. Sam opened her eyes and took in the unfamiliar room.

"So you're awake," Jack said, his mouth close to her ear. "Good morning." She turned over on her back to look at him. His head was lying on the pillow next to hers, and he leaned forward and kissed her. Oh, she was weak! She kissed him back, savoring the guilty pleasure of it. Then she remembered how he'd gotten her there. He'd kidnapped her! She broke off the kiss and pushed him away. She dragged herself away from him and out of the bed. It was freezing, and she was dressed in nothing but her nightshirt, but she didn't get back into the bed.

"You kidnapped me!" She stood stock still staring at him. Jack just lay there, leaning on an elbow, his chest bare, smiling at her. "It's not funny."

"No, it's not." He pulled back the covers in invitation. "Come back to bed, you're gonna freeze."

Sam looked around the room, which seemed to be getting colder by the minute. There were no blankets other than the ones on the bed. She didn't even see a coat or jacket. Walking to the door, she tried the knob, but it was locked. It seemed he'd thought of everything.

"C'mon, Sam, nothing will happen that you don't want to happen," he said, patting the bed. "Sam, you're startin' to turn blue, get in the bed!"

Resignedly, Sam climbed back into the bed. Ah, bliss, it was warm! She lay there with her eyes closed, and Jack moved closer to her. She looked at him startled.

"I'm just tryin' to warm you up, Sam." Jack took her in his arms, the heat from his body soothing her cold body. Damn, she felt like a block of ice! He rubbed her hands and covered her feet with his own. "Better?"

"Yes," she said softly, closing her eyes again. He cuddled her close, the warmth from his body seeping into her cold one. "Why are you doing this?" she asked.

"Sam, you didn't want to be in the same room with me, much less talk to me." He caressed her cold cheek with his hand. "I had to take drastic action."

"I don't want to be here, you know," she said as she turned her face and snuggled her cold nose into his warm chest. "Why don't you just take me home?" She moved just that much closer to him. Jack smiled. Sam's mouth was saying 'take me home,' but her body her body was saying 'I want to stay here.'

"If you still want to go home after our talk, I'll be glad to take you," Jack told her. "But we're not leaving here until you listen to what I have to say." She sighed and he felt it as her body shuddered a little.

"Okay." Her cold little hand snaked around his waist. "I'll stay until you've had your say."

************************

Jack cleared his throat. He wasn't sure how to begin. He knew what he wanted to say, but the words didn't want to come out right.

"Well, I'll just start at the beginning." He paused to gather his thoughts. "When we were on Edora, the day of the explosion, Laira came to see me at the site. She was pregnant." Sam turned her face away from Jack, but he took her chin and firmly turned it back. "She was pregnant, Sam, but she was married to someone else." A flash of surprise flickered across her face. "The baby was mine, though. The man she married knew that, but he didn't care. Laira figured that I wasn't coming back, and he was there, so they got married. They seem very happy." Jack paused here because the bad part was coming. "She was walking across the site to see me when the explosion occurred. I saw her and saw that she was pregnant, and even though I heard you calling, I went to her." Jack closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I didn't know how badly she was hurt, I was just afraid that she'd go into labor then. I got her to help, then I realized that no one had gone to help you." He looked at her then. "It felt like some giant hand was squeezing the breath out of me. I was so afraid you were dead. When I finally got to you, I thought you were, then I found a pulse." He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "The relief I felt-well, I've never felt anything like that before. Then you were in a coma for so long, that Janet said that you'd probably never come out of it." He pressed his lips to her forehead, and her arms went around him in comfort. "She wanted to send you to a special hospital, but I told her I wouldn't allow it. She was doing it anyway-then you came out of the coma, and you were--" Jack's voice broke off.

"Blind." Sam's voice was soft. Jack pulled back and looked into her face. She gazed back at him and smiled slightly. "You can't bring yourself to say the word, can you?" Jack shook his head.

"It was my fault. Janet said that if you'd gotten aid faster, it probably wouldn't have happened." Jack released her and turned away, covering his face with his arm. "It tore me apart. I'd loved you so much, but I chose to help Laira instead. Turned out she wasn't even hurt that badly, just a sprained ankle. But you were hurt so bad-"

Sam slid close to him and put her arm around him. "Jack, I understand what you did, and why you did it," she said. "What hurt was the fact that you didn't tell me the truth." She rested her head against his shoulder. "Why didn't you?" Sam felt a sigh shudder through him.

"I didn't want to hurt you any more than I already had." Jack lifted his hand and stroked her hair. "I wanted to protect you." He gave a short bark of laughter. "Looks like it backfired on me." He gently moved Sam away from him and sat up. "Hungry?" he asked looking down at her.

Sam smiled slightly. "A little." She lay there looking up at him, and he couldn't help himself, he had to kiss her. She responded hesitantly, then he ended the kiss. Throwing back the covers, he got up from the bed, wearing only his boxers and walked to the door. Reaching up over the door frame, he took something down. 'The key,' Sam thought. She should have known.

Jack unlocked the door and went out of the room, leaving the door open. Sam lay there thinking about what he'd said. It was typical Jack O'Neill, trying to protect someone he cared about. She remembered his reactions when she'd been possessed by Jolinar. He had refused to give up on her. She believed that he thought he was in love with her, but she'd read somewhere that pity was akin to love. Mix a lot of guilt in with that, and you've got a volatile combination. It was so tempting to just give in to him, to believe that he did love her like she loved him, but it was so unlikely.

Jack, now dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, but still barefoot, came back into the bedroom carrying a tray. "Here's breakfast." He had made pancakes, juice and coffee for her. She sat up, and he set the tray down to help her put pillows behind her back. Then he placed the tray across her lap and sat down on the bed to watch her eat.

"Aren't you going to have breakfast?" she asked, concerned that he wasn't eating. He had a distant look on his face, and the brief smile he flashed her wasn't reflected in his eyes.

"Sure, later though." Jack watched her clean her plate with delicate precision. In fact, it was the most she'd eaten at one meal since she'd come back from Germany.

"Is it getting warmer in here?" she asked once she had finished breakfast. It seemed like the temperature was rising in the room.

"Yes," he answered, removing tray of now empty plates and cups, putting it on the floor by the door. "I turned on the heat. You can shower and I've got clothes for you."

"That's it?" She couldn't believe it. He'd gone to all this trouble to have his say, and once she'd listened to him, he was just quitting? "I thought-" she broke off what she was going to say. She had thought that he would try a little harder.

"I had my say, that's all I wanted, Sam, at least for now." Jack watched her sitting on the bed clutching the blanket in her hands. She looked so beautiful, it took his breath away.

Sam hadn't felt so uncertain about anything in years. Jack had effectively tossed the ball into her court, so to speak. What happened now was up to her. Looking at his face, she saw the closed off look that he'd had when she'd first known him. The one he wore when he was trying to hide his feelings. She looked into his eyes and the pain she saw there struck her in the heart. He was hurting, she realized in surprise. She'd seen him in pain before, but this was different. This was agony and hopelessness.

"Jack?" Sam threw back the covers, climbed out of the bed, and walked to stand in front him. "Do you really love me?" she asked wonderingly. She wasn't really quite sure what she was thinking, she only knew that she had to have the answer to the question.

A tiny spark of hope crept into Jack's eyes. "Yes, I do, Sam," he answered, praying that she'd finally believe the truth. "I love you. I'm *in* love with you." He reached out his hands and grasped her shoulders, pulling her toward him. Her arms came around him, hugging him close.

"I'm in love with you, too, Jack." Sam's voice was just a little above a choked whisper, her face buried in his chest. "I want to trust what you're saying, so much."

"You can, Sam. Would I have gone to all this trouble if I didn't love you?" Jack asked fiercely, holding her tightly. "Do you know how long it took to take the handles off the doors of my car? Now I've got to put them on again!" Sam giggled at this.

"Serves you right for kidnapping me!" She reached up and pulled his head down, kissing him. "Tell you what, I'll help you put them back on, okay?" she said once she had let him go.

"Okay." Jack leaned down and kissed her, gently at first, then more passionately, and she responded passionately. He picked her up and carried her to the bed laying her down gently. He stripped off his clothes and lay down beside her, reaching for her nightshirt and pulling it off over her head, then sliding her panties down over her hips.

"I've missed you, Sam." Jack lowered his lips to hers and kissed her long and deep. Her hands caressed his shoulders and back, reveling the sensation of being held close to him. When the kiss ended and he raised his head, she looked into his eyes and smiled at what she saw there.

"I've missed you, too, Jack," she whispered, drawing his head back down to hers. When their kiss was over, he dragged his lips down the length of her neck to her breasts, suckling first one, then the other, her hands threaded in his hair, her back arching in the effort to draw him nearer. She wrapped her leg around one of his, pressing herself as closely as possible to him. His hands caressed her body, marveling at the feel of her soft skin. Sam clutched him closer, her nails digging into his back. She wanted him to be part of her. The feel of his hands and lips on her skin was driving her crazy. "Please, Jack, I want you inside me now," she said hoarsely, writhing beneath him.

Jack shifted his body over hers, and she parted her thighs, granting him entrance. He slid smoothly into her, smiling at her soft gasp of pleasure. She looked up into his face, something she had not been able to do when they made love before. His intense gaze met hers and he thrust deeply into her, withdrawing, then thrusting again, setting a rhythm that she had no trouble keeping up with. They stared into each other's eyes, and the love Sam saw in Jack's took her breath away. She slid her hands up his back to his head, and pulled him into a kiss. As the tension began to build, their movements began to lose their rhythm, became more frenzied until, finally, they both reached their climax, coming within seconds of each other.

They lay there clutching each other, breathing hard, stunned at their feelings. It was more intense than their lovemaking had been before. Jack finally mustered enough strength to move off of Sam, and he cuddled her close to his side.

"Love you, Sam." Jack's eyes drifted closed.

"Love you, Jack," Sam whispered just before she slipped into sleep.

************

Monday Morning, SGC

Jack and Sam rode into work together, then walked into the SGC holding hands. If anyone who saw them was shocked, they hid it well. Since it wasn't against regulations anymore, they saw no reason to hide what they felt. Jack walked Sam to her lab, kissing her at the door before he left her for his mission briefing. As he entered the briefing room, Jack headed over to Daniel.

"Uh, Daniel, thanks for the advice," Jack said. "Worked like a charm." He slapped Daniel on the back, then took his seat at the table, grinning.

"My advice?" Daniel looked at him blankly, then it dawned on him what Jack was talking about. "What did you do, Jack?" Jack just smiled enigmatically, then General Hammond walked in and the briefing began. After the briefing, Jack and General Hammond went into the general's office, effectively preventing Daniel from finding out what had transpired that weekend.

He decided to ask Sam what had happened, because obviously something had. Jack had been grinning from ear to ear, something he hadn't done in months. He only had thirty minutes before he had to get ready for the mission, so he rushed to her lab. When he got there, he heard Sam singing as she worked. Daniel smiled. Well, it seemed that whatever Jack had done, it had made both of them happy. He knocked on the door, and went inside.

"Daniel, hi," she said when she looked up from the computer to see who came into the room. "What's up?"

"I don't know, Sam, you tell me?" Daniel looked at her speculatively, sitting down on the stool opposite Sam's.

"What?" She smiled, and went back to typing on her computer.

"What happened to have both you and Jack grinning like fools today?" Daniel asked, eyeing Sam closely. "He told me he took my advice. What did he do?"

"He kidnapped me." Sam said matter-of-factly as she tapped out a code on the computer and a diagram came up.

"Kidnapped?" Daniel's voice almost squeaked on the word. "As in abduction?"

"Yes." Sam decided to put him out of his misery. "He decided it was time to force the issue. We talked it all out." Sam smiled, a bemused expression on her face. "He loves me."

"Sam, I could've told you that!" Daniel exclaimed. Why did it seem as if he had the densest friends in the universe? "He's loved you for years."

"I didn't know that, Daniel. What am I supposed to be, a mind reader?" Sam said, exasperated. "Besides, it was against regulations."

"That's how I knew he was in love with you," Daniel informed her. "Remember when I told you guys about the alternate reality where you and Jack were engaged? The only argument he could come up with against it was that it was against regulations. I knew then that his feelings for you went beyond professional, or even friendship."

A knock sounded on the door, and it opened. Jack stuck his head in. "Daniel, come on. Time to get geared up." He looked at Sam and smiled. "Good morning, Dr. Carter," he said and winked.

She blushed and smiled back. "Good morning, Colonel O'Neill." She got up and walked toward him and he stepped into the room. They went straight into each other's arms and kissed.

Daniel got up and left them alone. 'Some people have all the luck,' he thought as he headed toward the equipment room. 'Wonder if Janet has dinner plans tonight?'

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The End