"Purgatory" by Meg

Title: Purgatory

Author: Meg

Feedback: Please send some!

Status: Complete (This part, there's a sequel)

Category: SJR, Angst

Warning: Character death (?)

Rating: R

Archive: SJ Archive, Heliopolis, my site, anywhere else please ask

Season/Sequel info: Set in season four, and yes, there will be a sequel to this.

Spoilers: Don't know all of them. It would be best to know everything up through Divide and Conquer.

Summary: What happens after the events in Divide and Conquer.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Author's Notes: I know the post D&C has been done, but I just had to add my part. And please don't yell at me about killing that certain someone. There will be a sequel, so you never know what could happen. Well, I do ... but I'll never tell. :-) A big thanks to AQ for helping with the title and beta'ing for me. Thanks!

***

"Why?" That's all I can manage to say as I walk out of the gate room. That's all I can think, too.

Everything's been happening too fast for me today. First, I find out that some one attempted to kill one of the people on the Tok'ra High Council, then we undergo that test to see if we are zatarcs, then Colonel O'Neill and I are accused of being one. Oh, but no, that's not the worst part. The worst is that I find out that the Colonel has the same feelings for me as I do for him. Not that that's bad, I didn't mean that, it's just that we can't do anything because of some stupid regulations. Sometimes I just wish those rules didn't exist, or even that I never joined the Air Force like my alternate selves. Then, the most horrible part of my day, Martouf. He had been programed to kill the president. When the programing went off, he lost it, he had no control. So, I killed him. I shot him. It's my fault he's gone. No, I can't think that. It's those damn Gou'ald's fault. If it weren't for them, people would be free across the galaxy, everyone could be happy, and many people that I have known wouldn't be dead. On the other side, if it weren't for them, I would never have know all these great people I do now, and I would never go on those great adventures that I do. Why does life have to be so difficult sometimes?

I go to my quarters. I need to be alone now. When I finally make it there, I can't hold it in anymore. I fall on my bed, and cry my eyes out. I stayed like that for only a few minutes when I heard a knock at the door.

"Go away!" I yell at whomever dares to interrupt me.

"I can't do that." I'd recognize that voice from anywhere. It's Colonel O'Neill. I don't answer in hopes that he will go away. It doesn't work.

He opens the door, walks up to me, and sits down beside me. I feel his hand on my back.

"Do you want to talk about something?" he asks me.

I sit up and look at him. I probably look like hell. Well, I sure feel like it.

"Where do I start?" I answer him.

"That bad, huh?"

"Oh, yeah." I don't know what made me start to tell all my problems. Maybe it was that sweet, caring face I saw. "I just can't believe he's dead, and that I killed him."

"Sam, it's not your fault."

"I was the one that shot him."

"You weren't the only one," he muttered under his breath. "He would have killed himself anyway. It was an act of mercy."

"Then why do I feel so bad? That look on his face, I can't get it out of my mind. He looked so pitiful, so scared."

"Maybe because you cared about him. Or at least Jolinar did."

"I don't even know how I feel about him. All I know is that Jolinar loved him. I've never felt that kind of love. Well, I might..." I cut myself off. I'm not going to say how I feel when I can't even do anything.

"I know," he says. He knows me so well, he can tell what I'm thinking.

I start to cry again. He pulls me into his arms and I don't hold back. I cry on his shoulder. A while later I pull back and look at him. I look into his eyes. It's like I can read all his thoughts, see into his soul. I see caring and, I know it shouldn't be but, love.

"Sam..." he starts.

"I know," I cut him off. It's almost like if I don't hear it, it won't be as bad. I then realize that's not true. It's just as bad. Why did they even have to make those regs.

All of a sudden, there's a knock at the door and Janet comes in.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back later," she says as she turns around and walks back out.

I stand up to go after her, but I feel the Colonel's hand on my arm. I look back at him.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asks me.

"I don't know yet," I answer truthfully.

I leave in search of Janet leaving Jack sitting on the bed.

I walk for a while, then I find her in her office. I knock on the door and walk in.

"You came to see me about something."

"Yeah, but I guess I was interrupting something."

"No. It's not like that. We were just talking." Janet looks at me suspiciously. "We were."

"Okay. I was going to see if you were okay. Are you?"

"I don't know," I answer, and then tell her everything that I had just told Colonel O'Neill.

*****

The next week we have another mission. It's just a simple mission. We're mainly going there for some great ancient artifacts that we saw from the MALP. To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention. I still kept thinking about Martouf, and the Colonel. I would try not to, but somehow every little thing would remind me of one of them.

So, for the first hour or so, Daniel looks at those lovely artifacts, and the rest of us watch out for unfriendly natives. As far as we know, there aren't any, but we have been wrong before.

I haven't been paying attention again. Since I had nothing to keep me busy , my mind started wandering to those certain subjects. Suddenly, something brought my attention back. I see some figures coming closer. I guess there was some life here that we didn't know about.

A staff blast flew by me. It hit Daniel making him fall back. I ran over to see if he was okay. He was hurt, but he will live. It grazed his arm. Teal'c pulled him up, and we started running back to the gate.

The Colonel and I fired on the approaching Jaffa while Teal'c helped Daniel through the gate. Then I heard a yell. I turned to see the Colonel laying on the ground. I ran over to his side.

"Oh, God," I gasp when I see him. A staff blast had hit him right on his chest. I knew it was bad, very bad.

I tried to help him up but he stopped me. "Go," he said.

"No, I can't leave you."

"Go! Save yourself. You shouldn't die here with me."

Those words hit me hard. Die. No, he's not going to die.

"No. I can't."

"Sam, please, for me. I don't want to see you get killed here. I love you, Sam."

With tears falling across my face I say, "I love you too, Jack."

He puts his hand on my face, and wipes away the tears. I don't even notice the shooting going on around us.

Teal'c is now firing back, since I stopped.

Slowly his hand slips away and falls to the ground. "No," I say softly. Teal'c comes by, grabs me and pulls me to my feet. "We must go," he says. I try to fight him first, I don't want to leave Jack here. Soon, Teal'c over powers me, and pulls me toward the gate.

When we make it there, he almost throws me into it. He soon follows.

On the other side General Hammond is standing there in the middle of the gate room. There are medics taking Daniel to the infirmary even though I don't really notice them. I almost don't hear the General talking to me. I can get over what just happened.

"What in the world happened? Where's Colonel O'Neill?"

I can't answer him now. Maybe later, but not now. I drop my gear on the ramp and walk out of the room. I leave Teal'c to explain to the General.

=====

The End