"Promise" by Ruth M King

TITLE: Promise

RATING: PG

ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack and Heliopolis. Anyone else please ask :)

SPOILERS: 100 Days

DISCLAIMERS: Stargate SG1 is the property of MGM, Showtime, Double Secret and Gekko etc. I'm just playing for a while !

NOTES: Angst and a character death.

***

I don't know how I got myself into this situation. I mean it should be Colonel O'Neill.....but he's not here. Although he's probably shifting heaven and earth to get to us, he's not here now. The woman beside me gives another groan as the contraction seizes her body. Her waters broke two hours ago and she's in labour with only me on hand to deliver the baby. If I was her I'd be scared.....very scared. I've never done this before. It should be the Colonel, Daniel, anyone but me. Damn, but my leg hurts. It was partially buried and Lara had to drag me out. Good job the ceiling is too low for me to stand, I'm not sure that I could.

She coughs another breath. There's too much dust in the air and she's having trouble with her breathing. I hope it doesn't get more serious. The last thing we need is complications and I'm well aware that this could go on for a long time. She should never have agreed to come with me. All she was doing was showing me the mineral deposits in the caves. Eight months pregnant and she decided that she wanted to go for a walk. The colonel's gonna kill me for letting her come. If I hadn't it would only be me in here. I wonder how hard he would try to get me out.

I can't help feeling bitter. She has everything I want. She has Jack....and his child. The contractions are getting closer together. Thoughts of jealousy are washed away as I see her face contort with pain and she screams for the first time. I tell her she's doing fine, but how the hell am I supposed to know? I've never been through this. Chances are I never will.

"You have children?" she asks me.

I shake my head. That's all she needs.....to find out that she's in the hands of a complete amateur.

"I have had several," she reassures me. "This isn't as bad as it looks."

I'm pathetically grateful for her attempts to make me feel better.

"Colonel O'Neill will be here soon," I tell her, trying to return the favour.

"I hope so. I am fast reaching the stage where I feel the urge to swear at him and attempt to break certain parts of his anatomy."

She tries to laugh, but the next contraction hits. I hold her hand and try to guide her through it. Something tells me that this isn't going well. I just hope that Colonel O'Neill has the sense to bring Janet with him. In desperation, I try the radio again. Still nothing. The mineral deposits in the caves must be blocking all transmissions. They'll have to get alot closer before we can make contact. I check my watch. It's been three hours since minor quake which sent the cave roof crashing down around our ears. I have no idea how much rock lies between us and the entrance, but I guess its alot. If it wasn't they would have got to us by now. I wonder how much air we have trapped in here with us?

I use a little of the water from my canteen to wipe the sweat from her forehead. Then I help her drink some of it. I can tell she's growing more distressed, despite her outward appearance of calm and control.

"The pain is worth it," she says, suddenly.

"I'm sorry?"

"When you hold your child for the first time."

I don't reply, but she reads more into my silence than any words I could have said. She's very perceptive, this woman of the colonel's.

"Samantha? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You love him, don't you?"

"Who?"

"Jack."

Am I that transparent?

"Not in the way you think," I reply.

It's a good answer. A true answer. I love him but the emotion is unrequited.

"I could never give him what you have."

She appears to think for a moment, "You can't bear children?"

"I....I...don't think so. I was blended with a Tokra. The Goa'uld died within me and my body chemistry doesn't work right any more."

"I am sorry."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. You want children, but cannot have them. That would 'matter' to any woman."

The next contraction is a big one. They're definitely getting stronger and more painful. How can she stand it? If I were her I'd be screaming for drugs right now. She seems so strong, but I can sense that she is weakening. Another hour has slipped by and still no signs of rescue. Maybe I should try digging us out from this side? But I don't want to leave Lara. Besides I might bring the whole lot down on us. It's too dark to see what I'd be moving. The only light we have is the one on my MP5. Our torches were lost when the roof came down.

"As for Jack.....you are the part of him that he could not let go," she continues.

"No, Lara......"

"I saw it in his eyes. He could not stay here because you were elsewhere. "

"He has a funny way of showing it."

Why won't she just let the subject drop? I can't have my colonel, he can't have me. That's the end of it. It was true before......even more so now. He will have a child with this woman. That fact is enough to make him stay this time.

Unseen, I slip myself another dose of morphine, washing it down with the last of the water. I feel guilty for doing it, but this stuff won't be any good to her. Neither will I be if I pass out from the pain. It has to end soon, does it? I'm sure she can't carry on for much longer.

"Samantha, you have to promise me something,"

"Anything, Lara."

"If this does not go well......Please look after my child."

My God, she knows something is wrong!

"Lara, you're going to be fine."

"Promise me."

"I'll make sure the Colonel....."

"No. You, not Jack. My child needs a mother. You love Jack, you will love his child. I can tell you have a mother's instinct."

"I have a semi-adopted daughter, does that count?" I joke.

Lara doesn't answer. Now I know things are bad. I check her over. She's well dilated. According to the first aid courses she should be able to deliver.

"Lara...," I urge her, "Lara, I need you to push for me."

"So tired," she says.

I feel like I'm losing her. Her mind is elsewhere, she's not with me anymore. God, don't let this happen. I have visions of having to perform a C-section with nothing but my field knife.

"Lara, listen to me. When the next contraction hits you need to push," I order, raising my voice.

Something must have got through, because she does as I ask. She screams, but she does it. I tell her she's done well, that everything is going to be OK. Should there be this much blood ? She's weaker than I realised. I feel sickened as I start to yell at her. It's the only way I can get her to respond now. Some part of my brain realises that my radio is crackling, that someone is demanding to know what's happening. Great timing, guys.

"Colonel, I need Janet!" I scream into the radio.

"Sam.....are you OK?" He asks.

"Yes, but Lara's not."

"There's still alot of rock between us and you."

"Just hurry."

"Hang on Sam, we'll be with you as soon as we can. Can I speak to Lara?"

I hold the radio close to her mouth.

"Jack?" she questions. I think she doubted that he'd come for her.

"I'm here."

"Samantha...baby.....Want her to....."

She starts coughing again, her words are lost.

"Love you," she manages, finally.

"Just hold on."

He doesn't say I love you. Colonel, what kind of bastard are you? She's going through hell here and you can't even say the three words she wants to hear. Lie to her, dammit. The cold thought hits me. Lara knows, she knows he doesn't love her. All she wanted from him was the child.....and now it looks as if she won't even get that. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Colonel, you're a bastard to do this to her. I never thought that I could feel this way about you, but I do. Stay with me Lara, we'll get your child into this world and I'll take care of it for you if I have to.

I've forgotten my own pain. All my effort is focused on her. I can see the baby's head. Everything is going to be fine.

"One more push, Lara," I tell her, "and you'll be holding your baby."

She gives her all, and I catch the child in my hands. It's a girl, a little girl. I clean the fluid from her face and mouth. I slap her gently, and a thin wail fills the cavern. She moves weakly, reaching out towards me.

"Hold on, sweetie, Momma's going to be just a minute. Lara, you have a daughter," I say, unable to keep the emotion from my voice. God, how I wish she were mine.

I look down at the tired mother......I look down and....Shit ! Shit! Shit! She doesn't respond to me. There's so much blood. One hand holding the baby, I search for Lara's pulse. It's there, but rapid and weak.

"What's happening?" the Colonel's voice breaks in.

He'll have to wait. I don't have time to answer him right now. First the baby. I use the twine from Lara's bodice and my hastily sterilised field knife to cut the cord. I wrap the child in my jacket and set her down as gently as I can. Then I turn my attention to Lara. She's haemorrhaging, I don't know how badly. Or how I can stop it. She's unconscious, probably in shock and bleeding to death. Elevation and indirect pressure, I tell myself.

"How long, colonel?" I demand.

"'nother thirty minutes."

"Make it faster....or just make a hole big enough for Janet to get through."

This can't be happening. How many times have I said that? If I say it enough maybe I'll wake up and this will have been a bad dream. Silence fills the cavern. Silence. The baby has stopped crying. I glance at her. She's no longer moving. No! I will not be the only one to walk out of here. Now I have a choice to make. A very bad choice. I remember my promise to Lara and take the baby into my arms. Tears are running down my face as I start resuscitation. I'm sorry baby, but I can't save both of you....and I did promise. Within a few minutes the child starts to cry again. She seems stronger this time. I hold her close, vowing never to let her go again.

"Sam, get back. Dr. Frasier's coming through. Sam, can you hear me? Sam!"

"I hear you."

I scramble towards the back wall, turning my back to the rock fall I shelter the child beneath my body. Stone hits the floor as someone pushes their way through. Janet squeezes herself through the gap and lets herself fall into the cavern. She drags her field kit after her. Her examination of Lara is brief. She closes the woman's eyes and places her jacket over her face.

"No?" I shake my head.

"Sam, are you OK? Sam?"

She moves towards me, arms outstretched. I know she wants to take the baby from me, but I can't let her do that. I promised Lara.

"Sam, you're injured. You may be going into shock. You need to give me the baby."

"But I promised."

"Lara won't mind."

"She's dead, damn you!"

I'm shouting at my friend and I don't know why. Nothing makes sense anymore. It's all my fault....all my fault. I look down at my body. It's covered in blood. Hers, mine...I can't tell. I hold the baby close to me, needing to protect her from everything I see. Some part of my brain tells me that I'm being irrational, but I ignore it. After all I have....must think of a name. I can't just call her baby all of the time.

"She's very beautiful, Sam. May I have a look at her?" Janet asks.

Yes, she is beautiful, her face, her hands, everything about her. I'm proud of her. Peeling back the jacket that has become her first clothes, I show Janet her face. My friend comes closer.

"Oh, she's lovely," she coos.

Her hand is on my shoulder, I feel the prick of a needle......my world fades.......

I hurt. My leg.....it hurts. Where am I? The grey walls of the SGC make themselves known to me. I must be in the infirmary. Why? Oh yes, my leg. It hurts. Have I said that before? I force myself to take deep calming breaths. Lara! Lara, what happened to her? Where's her baby. I promised....I promised....

"How are you feeling?" Janet's gentle voice breaks into my confusion.

"The baby?" I demand.

"She's doing fine. Thanks to you."

Feelings of guilt wash over me. I should have been able to save them both. That's what I do. I'm Samantha Carter. I can save the world...I can save anything.......apart from this woman.

"Now you're awake, you have a visitor," Janet tells me.

"No, please, not yet," I plead with her.

She doesn't take any notice of me and she beckons Colonel O'Neill into the room. He's holding a blanket wrapped bundle which he immediately deposits in my arms.

"Sam, meet little Samantha," he smiles.

She holds her hands out to me and I can't help it. I start to cry. She's so perfect. The Colonel grins as he watches me. Why does he always do that? Every time I turn around, it's like his eyes are fixed on me. He moves closer and wipes away my tears.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, "I tried to save her."

"I know you did, Sam. No apology is necessary."

It's nice of him to say that. I can't help the way I feel. Lara should be here, with her daughter. The Colonel sits himself on the edge of the bed. He brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes.

"She's hungry," he tells me, "here."

I take the bottle he offers. Little Samantha drinks from it with the greedy fervour of the new-born. I look up at him. There's something in his eyes...... something I don't quite understand. It's as if he's seeing me differently. Why is that? There's sadness too. Even if he didn't love Lara, he cared for her deeply. I forgive him....just a little. Just enough to allow my head to rest against his shoulder. He puts his arm about me.

Me........and little Samantha.

This is the closest I've ever felt to him. He's sharing his child with me. I'm honoured beyond words.

After she's eaten she sleeps. I'm tired too. Maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a while. The Colonel's chest make a good pillow. He won't mind. It's only going to be.....for....a.....short....time.......

The End.