"A Forgotten Memory" by Nikki H

Title: ~A forgotten memory

Author: Nikki.H.

Summary: a memory left out in 'Jolinars memory Kinda a 'missing scene.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, nada, zip. Don't sue! Showtime have all rights to SG-1 so don't look to me.

Rating: M rated

Classification: horrible angst.

Archive: SJA yes, Helipolis yes

Notes: Ok, I've kinda done a 'what if' in Jolinars memory SO MAJOR SPOILERS for that, and I know that in the episodes the memory screen didn't pop up, but in this story it does, cause it helps!

Feedback: Yes please, even if you hated it or wanna pick a bone with me, i've got lots! :)

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"Okay Samantha, just breath deeply." Martouf told Sam as she sat against the wall trying concentrate at the task at hand. But she could feel all the forbidden memories that she had locked up, came flooding back with avengence.

The window popped up and Sam watched it hoping the worst of her memories wouldn't come up. But she knew they would. Luckily, the first picture was a flash of Jolinar standing beside Martouf smiling up at him, before it quickly flashed to Jack standing in the locker room leaning against the locker looking at a photo.

Despite it being Sams memory, Jack felt slightly embarrassed and hid back further in the shadow of the ships corner as he watched the screen with interest.

"Sir, If you ever need someone to talk to you know, about anything..."

It was Sam talking as Jack shoved the picture of Charlie into his locker. Jack looked at her, his face hiding every bit of emotion and Sam shuffled her feet nervously.

"Some times it helps to talk about things."

Sam tried again. Everyone in the ships room was quite as Daniel and Martouf both looked on with feverish interest at the personal display on the screen. Sam tried desperately to think of something else, but she couldn't.

"You'll never understand what it's like to lose a child Carter, and I hope you never do."

Jack snapped angrily as Sam laid a hand on his shoulder. Daniel shot Jack a some what disapointed look and Jack hid further back into the wall. He hardly knew her then. He didn't want to talk about his problems to anybody, let alone a stranger.

Waiting for it to end, Jack looked at the screen only to see Sam angrily shove her jacket in her locker. "I know more then you ever will." She had muttered and stormed off.

Jack looked at Sam questioningly, as did everyone else in the room and Sam looked down at her hands, trying desperately to think of something else.

A glimpse of Jolinar and Martouf showed up on the screen and Martouf blushed slightly, only to have the picture change to Sam sitting in bed beside Jonas.

Jack titled his head. He knew it was a private memory, but Sam had never talked much about her past to any of them, and he wanted to know what she had meant in the locker room.

"Jonas?" Sam was asking him, nervously twisting the engagement ring around her find.

"Mmm?" He mumbled distracted as he watched the t.v.

"How do you feel about children?" She asked eying him carefully.

"Why?" He huffed angrily turning up the volume of the t.v. "What's gotten into you lately, your all quite." Suddenly he turned to her. "Are you having an affair, so help me god Samantha....." He asked raising his hand.

Jack felt his blood boil in his Veins as he saw the Sam in the memory flinch and she caught his hand. "No, no, No." She gushed. She took the remote from his hand and held his hand gently. "Jonas, were pregnant."

"Were WHAT!?!" He roared throwing her hand off and jumping out of bed. He looked at her and began to pace back and forth. "But, we where careful...and you where on the pill.....and are you sure?"

Sam nodded and smiled sitting up straighter in the bed. "Yes, I went to the doctors this morning. Isn't it great? Your going to be a father." Sam gushed.

"No!" Jonas spluttered and kicked the dresser. He angrily threw the vase on the floor, red roses falling all over the floor. " This is a disaster! How could you do this to me?" He asked grabbing her. " This will ruin me.....do you realise what you have done?" He yelled.

The Sam in the memory sighed and began crying. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Jonas." She gushed. He threw her back on the bed and began to pace around the room. "Ok, Ok. Let's think about this. There's a place that I know down the street where they can get rid of it. No one will ever know. It'll be fine. Get dressed and we'll go."

"No." Sam said timidly from the bed. She looked up at him as he stopped dead. "I want this baby Joanas, and you can't just get rid of it like it's trash. It's a life. You can't do that, I wont let you." She said getting out of bed. " I'm having this child, wether I have to go to my brothers and have it there. I don't need you then!." Sam said and begun to walk out.

"Wait Sam!" Jonas grasped her arm. "Baby, I'm sorry, Ok, Ok. You can keep it." He pulled her to his and kissed her forehead. "We'll work it out OK. I was just a little shocked. Ok?"

Jack frowned in discust and he watched as Sam let out a deep breath. Suddenly the picture changed and it showed a now 4 month pregnant Sam climbing out of bed. Jonas woke and looked up to see her running to the bathroom. When she came back Jonas got out and went to the bathroom, he came back with some water and a pill. Sam thanked him and took it, lying back down and going back to sleep.

The picture changed again and it was Sam crying out to Jonas, he got out of bed and went to bathroom to find her on the floor collapsed. "Jonas something wrong. It's coming."

Jonas bent down beside her propping her up. "Just go with it Samantha, it'll be fine, just push." He said rubbing her back.

Suddenly Sam froze. "Jonas what did you do?" Her voice tinged with fear and anger.

Joanas rolled his eyes. "You'll thank me later, now push."

"No!" Sam said, but blood was already begin to pour onto the floor. "You tricked me." SHe cried out. "Your getting rid of it. Your killing the baby." Sam spluttered.

"Samantha, how am I supposed to be taken seriously in the airforce with a child. A wife is degrading enough, but a child. I don't need that." He said rubbing her stomach.

Sam pushed him away and tried to get away from him, crying out as she did. " I need this baby. You monster, how could you? It's child." She sobbed rolling on her side.

"Just push." He grunted.

"No, Your Son Of a-" Sam stopped mid sentence as he slapped her and she fell back shocked.

Jonas swore. "Don't *ever* raise your voice to me." He said standing up and washing his hands in the basin while she cried into the floor as more blood flowed. "You'll thank me later, what kind of mother could you make?" He spat and went to leave. "Oh, and clean up the mess, I've got guest tomorrow."

Jack felt tears sting his eyes as Sam closed her eyes crying and fell back onto the cold tiles. The picture changed and Martouf let out a cry as Jolinar was seen being tourtured to death. Jolinar fell forward crying and tried to wriggle free from the guards. But they only pulled her back and tourched her more, asking for the location of the Tokr'a.

The picture vanished and the screen went dead, and the room was dead quite. The only sound was Teal'c moving about in the front. Jack stared at Sam, a lump in his throat and he began to get up.

Martouf reached out to Sam, but she pushed away with such a force that he flew back. Sam got up and stormed out of the room, sitting beside Teal'c as he wordlessly pointed out the co ordinates to her.

Jack looked at Daniel and they shared the same tear filled look. Jack watched Sam as she tried to control her emotions and he looked at Martouf. He was still rubbing his chest where Sam had pushed him.

Jack decided to let her be. For now.

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"Sam?" Jack asked, when he saw that everyone was asleep. Sam looked up at him and gave him a smile, but Jack knew from experience that inside she was battling a storm of emotions.

Without a word he dropped beside her and they where silent for a little while. Sam was the first to speak and when she did, her voice was full of emotion. "Sir?" Jack turned to her and saw that her eyes read a thousand words. "I don't know how to cry anymore." She said softly.

Jack engulfed her into a hug and rocked her back and forth. "I know Sam, I'm here, It's ok." He whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry Sam, I had no idea." He said and kissed the top of her head.

They sat there in each others arms being comforted and Jack felt a tear course down her face. Jack felt his own resolve break and he himself let a tear roll down his face.

Sam looked up to him and with a watery smile she wiped away his tear, as he did the same. Jack smiled as well. "Look at us, a couple of tried up sponges." He said and he saw her lip tremble.

He hugged her tighter and they briefly fell asleep, neither one aware of Teal'c observing them from the chair at the console and he turned back to watch the stars, wishing his friends all the strength in the world to get over their next hurdle.

~ THE END NIKKI.H.