TITLE: "Could you sign this?"

AUTHOR: Sam23

EMAIL: samcole23@aol.com

CATEGORY: humor,romance

RATING: PG

PAIRINGS: Sam/Jack (what else *lol*)

SEASON: five

SPOILERS: don't think so

ARCHIVE: SJ, Heliopolis, others please ask, I just wanna know where it goes

FEEDBACK: always. Would make me really happy.

DISCLAIMER: Nope. Not mine.

SUMMARY: This is for everyone who is going to SG4, I'm not gonna say more *lol*

AUTHORS NOTE: This is dedicated to everyone I met at Gateday last Friday, as well as to everyone who was lucky enough to get tickets for SG4. I hope you'll have a wonderful weekend. Have fun, guys!!!

Jack O'Neill blinked. The light he was looking into was far to bright for his taste. Moaning he closed his eyes again. Sleep. Sleep would be a good idea right now. But something told him sleep was not something he was gonna get. Jack heard footsteps and felt the floor vibrating. The floor? Jack opened his eyes and found himself looking up at the ceiling. The ceiling? Oh great. He had passed out. Now that was embarrassing. Jack scrambled to his feet, ignoring the sharp pain in his head. He tried to remember what had happened before he had been knocked out. They had been on their way to P3X-whatever. They had stepped through that gate and - the next thing he remembered was waking up just now. Jack took a look around and his mouth dropped in disbelieve. He was standing in the middle of a restroom. A very down-to-earth-restroom.

"What the hell?"

Suddenly the door opened and a young man stepped in. Jack looked at him, confusion still highlighting his face. The young man stopped in his tracks and his eyes widened as he saw Jack. There was definite recognition in the young man's eyes, but Jack could swear, he had never seen him before.

"Uh, I am sorry, I didn't know you were in here", the young man stuttered. Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Mind telling me how you should have known I was in here?", he replied.

The face of the young man turned a deep red and he shook his head.

"Uh, of course. That was a stupid thing to say. Now you probably think I am stupid."

Jack didn't say what he thought, instead he replied. "Course not. I bet you're a smart kid."

The young man's face lit up with pride and he took a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"I know I am not supposed to ask, but .. could you sign this?"

Jack was confused.

"Sign it?"

"Yeah."

"What for?"

Now the young man was confused. "Well, because, you know, I really want your signature, but I just can't afford to buy a signed picture."

Jack's patience was getting thin. He didn't know where he was, he didn't know  where everyone else was and he sure as hell didn't know what the young man was talking about. But he could see in the young man's eyes that he would not be leaving this room soon, if he didn't give in.

"Fine."

Sighing he took the piece of paper, scribbled his name on it , handed it to the young man and rushed out of the rest-room. The youngster just stood where he was, a broad smile on his face.

***************

Major Samantha Carter stayed close to the wall. Thankfully she had spotted the Unas before it had seen her. Now she stood motionless in a corner, trying to organize her thoughts. Okay, so there was an Unas here. The mere fact didn't really bug her, but HERE seemed to be a sort of hotel, from what Carter had seen so far. So what was an Unas doing at a hotel? The Unas looked kind of bored and paced slowly down the corridor in Sam's direction. Sam held her breath. It still couldn't see her. The Unas stopped in front of a soda machine and looked at it curiously. Sam watched it with concern. Sure as hell this creature had never seen something like this before, so… Sam blinked. The Unas dropped a coin into the machine, selected a diet coke and waited patiently for the machine to provide him with the item of his choice. An Unas drinking diet coke? Sam thought her synapses would collapse any minute. Her brain just couldn't
process the information it had just received. Sam looked up at the ceiling and thought: "Help? Someone?"

****************

Daniel Jackson felt uncomfortable. He walked down a corridor looking for his team-mates. Obviously they were on a planet with roughly the same evolutionary level as earth. Well, maybe a little lower than earth, he thought. This seemed to be a kind of hotel, judging from the numbers on the doors on each side of the corridor. Daniel was fascinated that these people used the same numbers as humans on earth. Well, he had been fascinated by it, before he had spotted his "shadows". They tried to hide every time he turned around, but they didn't succeed most of the time. They were three girls in their early 20ies. Well, maybe younger, judging from the way they acted. Daniel could hear them giggling and he caught them a few times staring at him in awe. Really strange, Daniel thought. He had tried to talk to them, but they had just shrieked and tried to hide again. So Daniel choose to simply ignore them. Up until now, that was.

"God, he is so cute, I never thought he would be so cute."

"I always knew he would be."

"But I thought he would be a lot taller."

"Who cares about his height? Look at those eyes! You can loose yourself in those eyes."

Daniel blushed. They were talking about him, as if he were a rock-star or something. And they seemed to know him somehow, which was not possible at all. Daniel turned around.

"Ladies?"

Before he had a chance to finish the sentence they were gone again.

****************

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. Very high. This was very peculiar. He looked at a group of young people all dressed in military clothes. He saw the badges on their uniforms. SG4, SG5, SG6, but mostly SG1. Not only had he never seen any of them before, he would have noticed if SG1 had been expanded to a dozen members. Teal'c always noticed everything. Two "members" of SG1 walked up to him.

"Hi"

"You are not members of SG1." Teal'c stated. The two looked at each other.

"Cool."

"Is the temperature in this room to low for you?"

The two started laughing.

"Man, Chris, you are really the best."

"My name is not Chris?"

The two motioned their comrades to join them and soon Teal'c was surrounded by a dozen people. The leader of the group grinned and said in a strange tone of voice.

"I am sorry, I mean: TEAL'C."

"How do you know my name?", Teal'c inquired.

Jack sighed. Finally he had spotted a familiar face among the crowd. He felt very uncomfortable, because people were staring at him. Jack didn't like that kind of attention, especially since he had no idea what it was that made those people stare. His flap wasn't open.
He had checked. Three times. So what was it? He saw that they were staring at Carter as well, but she didn't either seem to mind or notice. He finally reached her and touched her shoulder to get her attention. When she turned around, Jack frowned.

"What happened to your uniform?" he asked.

She frowned, then tilted her head and smiled. "Well, what happened to your jeans and sweater?"

"What?"

She laughed and pointed at his uniform. "Really, don't you think you're taking this a little too far?"

"What?"

She laughed and crossed her hands in front of her chest. A part of Jack - the very very small part that wasn't confused as hell - realized in amazement how beautiful she was. And so… relaxed. Happy. Content. He hadn't seen her like this in a long time. Suddenly she looked puzzled. "Are you okay?`", she asked

"Yeah, why?"

"You look confused."

"I don't."

"Oh yes, you do."

"Carter!"

"See, now you're scaring me. Stop it, will you?"

"Stop what?"

"Calling me that."

"But that's your name, isn't it?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure, whatever you say, COLONEL. Oh, by the way, have you seen Chris?"

"Who is Chris?"

"You know, really big guy, bald head, smiles a lot… ring a bell?"

"Not really, but have you seen Daniel or Teal'c?"

She laughed and put a hand on her shoulder.

"You know what? Why don't you lie down a while. I guess you're still suffering from jet-lack."

And with that she left. When Jack managed to say "what?" she had already disappeared in the crowd.

******************

Sam felt like going mad. Not only had she seen a Unas drinking diet coke, during the last fifteen minutes she had also encountered a smoking Nox, a very big Asgard in jeans and sweater and a female Goul'd with a purse, lipstick and nail polisher. Sam suspected that she was still unconscious and this was all one strange dream. The Gould walked over to the smoking Nox who just now glanced at his watch. They exchanges a few words and left together, laughing and talking.

"Watcha doin?"

Sam almost jumped out of her skin.

"Oopsi, sorry to startle you, you okay?"

"Yes, Sir, you just . . scared me a little."

"Uh, you're the one who is doing the scaring part, sweety."

"What?"

Colonel O'Neill pointed at her clothes. "I know you're enjoying this and you like these folks, but I never thought they'd really make you wear this stuff here."

"What?"

"I ask  you. What's going on?"

"Colonel?"

"Stop fooling around, will you? Come on, we're late for lunch."

Sam blinked. He was out of uniform. He wore jeans and a black sweater. God, he looked so amazing, Sam thought. Another indication that this was a dream. Colonel O'Neill out of uniform, looking amazingly handsome, smiling at her like this, inviting her to lunch. Yeah, definitely a dream. Sam decided that she liked that part of it better than the one with the smoking Nox and followed him.

****************

Teal'c entered the room. There were hundreds of people there. He saw Jaffa, Nox, Asgard and a few other races and about 400 officers all seated in front of a stage.  Most of them had machines in their hands O'Neill had once called cameras. Suddenly they all put their cameras
up and flashes started going off everywhere. There was shouting and clapping and people were jumping up from their seats. Teal'c tried to see better and moved a little deeper into the room. Suddenly he saw a figure on the stage. A very familiar figure.

"DanielJackson." Teal'c mumbled. His friend waved at the crowd.

"Hi everyone!"

Still more shouting. Daniel seemed to enjoy it, he smiled and waved at the audience. When the shouting and clapping stopped he sat down on a chair.

"So let's start right away. Who's got a question?"

A blonde girl got up and shouted. "Is it true that you are marrying Lexa"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. DanielJackson didn't have a mate. DanielJackson didn't even know anyone called Lexa.

A young man got up next.

"Do you really speak a dozen languages?" l "I'd wish. Would be kind of cool, but to tell you the truth: I really suck at it. Took me two days to learn those two german sentences for the episode, where SG1 travelled back to 1969."

Teal'c was confused. DanielJackson was revealing classified information to this group of people. Teal'c decided that Daniel had to be under the influence of an alien virus or a mind control device.

"Could you sing for us? Please? Maybe row, row, row your boat."

When DanielJackson started singing and the crowd joined in, Teal'c knew that is was time to act.

******************

"Jack!"

Daniel sighed with relief when he saw his friend coming down the corridor.

"Daniel, what's going on here? Where are we?"

"I am not sure, but this culture seems to be very similar to our own. They even use our metric system it seems. I wonder what else we have in common."

"Teenager." Jack simply stated, when he spotted the giggling trio of girls.

Daniel cast a confused look at them. "Right. Never mind them. They are harmless."

"If you say so."

Daniel shook his head. "Where are the others?"

"Oh they have to be around here somewhere. I saw Carter a few minutes ago, but she acted kind of strange and then I lost her again. Oh, by the way: Do you know anyone named Chris?"

"Nope. Why?"

"Never mind."

Sam Carter just stared at her CO. He flipped through the menu, whistling. When he put it down, he frowned.

"What?"

"Sir, don't you think we should look for Daniel and Teal'c. I mean I saw an Unas. They could be in danger. Plus I can't seem to find a gate anywhere here. We have to look for the gate."

He tilted his head. "Say again?"

"Sir!"

"Amanda? Are you okay? This isn't funny anymore."

And then suddenly Sam knew what was wrong. Alternate reality. That was the only logical explanation. This had to be it. Sam decided to play along in order to find out more about their counterparts in this reality.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop it right now. Sorry, must be . . ?"

"Probably lack of sleep. I hear you've  been partying with my fan-club all night. I just hope you didn't reveal too many of my secrets to the girls."

"Oh, don't worry."

"Now I do." He winked at her. "So, how do you like it so far?"

"Like what?"

"The convention. I have to tell you, I really didn't wanna go, but hey - why have you guys never told me that this is so much fun? I am sure gonna do more of those now. This is really fun. Those guys are so nice, but there's one thing I don't understand."

"What's that?"

"Why do they make everybody sing?"

*****************

"Guys?"

Jack O'Neill and Daniel Jackson turned around. Sam Carter was running down the corridor towards them. Jack frowned, then grinned. "Hey, Carter! I see you changed your wardrobe again. Glad to have you back, though you sure looked good in civvies."

"Uh, Sir, that wasn't me, I guess."

"What?"

"You have been talking to a woman who looked like me, I presume?"

"What do you mean: looked like you? That was you."

"Yes, no, sort of, I guess."

Daniel put his hand to his head and moaned. s

"Oh no. Not again."

Jack looked from one to the other. "Would anyone please care to explain to me… oh, wait. I think I get it. Alternate universe?"

"Yes, Sir. But one that is very different from our own. They haven't got a stargate. At least not a real one. Here Stargate is just a tv-show."

"A tv-show?" Daniel asked.,

"A popular TV-show I hope", Jack added.

"Well it is popular. We are at a so-called convention, where fans of the show gather."

"You mean like those Star Trek fanatics? With uniform and pointed ears and everything?"

"Well, yeah, except that they are not dressing up as vulcans but as Nox or Unas or.."

Jack scratched his head. "Now, see, I don't get this: Why on earth would anyone wanna look like an Unas? They are ugly."

Sam ignored him and carried on: "I just had lunch with you, Sir. I mean, with you in this reality. Except that you are not you, you are Rick."

Jack rubbed his eyes: "Carter! You're giving me a headache!"

"Eh, excuse me? Rick, Michael, Amanda?"

The three of them turned around and looked at a beaming face of a young woman, dressed in fatigues. Jack tilted his head.

"I am such a great fan of the show. I never watch anything else. I was hoping, I mean, can I, can I take a picture with you?"

Daniel and Sam exchanged a puzzled glance, but Jack just grinned.

"Yeah, sure, what's your name?"

"Susan."

"Well, Susan, no problem."

"Oh thank you!"

She motioned for her friend to come closer and handed him the camera. Jack leaned over to Sam, still grinning. "Smile, Major, you're famous now."

***********

Teal'c was well aware that everyone in the room was looking at him. He had planned to approach the stage unseen, but that was not an option anymore, as more and  more heads turned into his direction and people started whispering. DanielJackson seemed to be the only one noticing his approach as he was disclosing important information the stargate to a strange looking alien who wore glasses. Normally that discovery would have led to raising an eyebrow, but Teal'c had more important things to do. He walked down the corridor while the crowd suddenly decided to stop whispering and started yelling. Now DanielJackson finally looked in his direction. He frowned, looked at his watch and smiled.

"Hey Chris! You're too early, I still got 40 minutes to go."

Teal'c did not answer. Clearly DanielJackson was hallucinating and therefore talking to him would be without any result. Teal'c scanned the room. These strange people looked up to DanielJackson and Teal'c tried to assess the possibility of forcing Daniel to leave the stage
without them interfering. He wasn't pleased with the result. DanielJackson still smiled at him and waved to a young man standing in the background.

"Hey, man, bring another microphone out here, I guess Chris will be joining our little chat."

Teal'c got to the stage and looked down at the cheering crowd. Impressive, he thought.

********

"Okay, so we've got to find Teal'c and a way to get out of here", Jack said. They had retreated to a small chamber after signing a dozen autographs and posing for pictures. Jack thought he was never going to see again. He was blind. Forever. Little sparks of light still flashed before his eyes and rubbing them seemed to make it only worse.

"Do we really have to go out there again?", Daniel moaned.

"I'd prefer to stay in here as well. Why seems everyone to wanna hug me?" Sam asked.

Jack smiled broadly: "Well I could give you a reason…."

"And who is this Lexa-person they keep talking about, anyway?" Daniel asked, ignoring Jack's remark.

Jack shook his head: "Campers, I know this is maybe the hardest mission SG1 has ever been on, but we have to go."

The left the room and were at once surrounded by fans again. One of them looked up at Jack and said:

"There's something I wanna know. What does it feel like - I mean after being MacGyver - to play such a dumb guy as Jack O'Neill?"

"Hey! I am not dumb", Jack protested.

Sam giggled and Daniel stepped in front of Jack before he could seriously think of harming the kid.

"Oh, he got used to it quickly, believe me."

***********

"So say Chris, aren't these folks fantastic?"

"Indeed." r

The crowd went wild. "Do another Teal'c impression, Chris!"

"I do not know a individual named Chris."

The room was filled with hysteric laughter. Teal'c raised an eyebrow which in return seemed to make the people even laugh harder. They were cheering him on. Teal'c decided to use the opportunity the noise was giving him to talk to Daniel.

"DanielJackson I believe your mind had been compromised."

"What? Say again."

"Come with me."

"But Chris, I still gotta answer some questions. We can't leave now."

"Come with me."

And with that he grabbed the arm of the man he thought was his friend DanielJackson. Michael Shanks stared the man he thought was his friend Chris Judge and frowned.

*********

"Oh boy, we're in trouble.", Jack mumbled as he say Teal'c reach out for the actor on the stage. Daniel looked at his counterpart puzzled and curious.

"He sure is handsome, I have to give him that. Maybe I should get a black leather jacket, too, what do you think?"

Jack ignored him.

"Daniel, you wait outside, while Carter and I get Teal'c." Jack ordered and started running down the aisle. Sam followed him and they jumped on the stage.

The crowd went berserk.

Jack shouted against the deafening noise.  "Teal'c! It`s not Daniel. We got to go. Come on!"

Teal'c let go of the very confused Michael Shanks and nodded.

"Guys, mind telling me what's going on here?"

Jack smiled at the actor and shrugged. "Jet-lack. We'll get him to his room. See you later."

"That was close", Jack sighed, as they made their way back to Daniel. After the doors closed behind them, they could hear Michael Shanks saying:

"See what I mean? Those guys are always good for a joke."

***********

Daniel saw his friends approaching and sighed. Finally they were all together again.

"So what now?"

"I don't know", Sam said.

Jack shrugged. "We find the stargate?"

"Except, there is no stargate" Daniel said.

"Yes, there is." Sam said rather excited.

"Carter?" "They have one. They say it's a fake one, but then again, this reality is different. Who is to say, that this is not exactly what we need."

"You don't make any sense, but that means you're right most of the time. So where is it?"

"It's in the art-room."

"The what?"

"Rick talked about it."

Jack frowned. "Rick? You're calling him Rick?"

"Come on, lets go."

***********

"I don't know Carter." Jack shook his head. Daniel frowned. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

"I know it doesn't look like much, but…"

"Carter, this is plastic."

"I know, but . . ."

"SEE, I TOLD YOU THEY WERE HERE! Marty, bring the camera!"

"Oh god, not again.." Jack moaned and was blinded by a bright flash of light.

*************

The first thing he noticed was that it was quiet. Very quiet except for a humming noise. Jack opened his eyes and stared at the grey walls of the gateroom He raised his hands. "Yes! Oh yes! Everyone here?"

"Yes, Sir." Sam said, rubbing her eyes.

"Wow, that was strange." Daniel mumbled.

"Indeed."

General Hammond ran up to them.

"SG1, thank god. You were missing for a whole day. Where the hell have you been?"

"Meeting the most devoted people in the universe, I guess."

THE END